Here Come The Eurozone Summit Headfake Headlines

Tyler Durden's picture

It begins:


In other news, there will be absolutely nothing actionable following today's "ground-breaking" summit. There will also be nothing at all after the Cannes statement. Or any time after. Why? Simple - there is nothing that Europe can propose in a universe in which 2+2=4 that resolves its problems.

Any jumps in the EURUSD will be brief and fast-lived.

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speconomist's picture

Wasn't there another meeting to be expected this weekend?

TruthInSunshine's picture

I'm repeating my comment from the last thread just because ZH's headline here is so consistent.

It's all COMICAL.

They can punt, run and hide, but they will find reality catching them, and then the ugly beat down commences.


Math, while cold and sterile, at least never lies (statistics do when 'massaged,' but that's not math; that's man warping or abusing math, and falsifying some part of the equation towards an ulterior motive), and that's where to always look to in order to glean the truth.

Math says the only 'solutions' to the EuroDebtapocalpse are a) extremely painful for equity and credit markets, or b) extremely painful for equity and credit markets.

Take your pick, and get your half-life bets on!

Ahmeexnal's picture

Begin the madness
Tear down the sign
Ideals and values
They use to keep us in line

Turn a blind eye to jobless millions
Queues of wreckage to be broken down
Leaders feed us their solutions
Mistakes the death cart clears away

Beware of the...
The plague
The plague
The plague
The plague

A pig for power
Misplacing trust
Science moves fact to fiction
Disturbing dust

All this in the name of progress
While our existence is sold downstream
Religion plays upon the ruin
While Manson throws away the key

Beware of the...
The plague
The plague
The plague
The plague

Don't look at me
I'm not the answer
Look to you
It's where it's at

Don't look at me
I'm not the saviour
It's up to you
To face yourself

What price the future
And Orwell's dream
All yours big brother
On twenty two inch screen

The tragedy we bleed human
Can't feed emotion to the zombie brain
And as the rat becomes exhausted
We stand to lose the game

Beware of the...
The plague
The plague
The plague
The plague

TruthInSunshine's picture




"Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows."

- George Orwell

malikai's picture


TruthInSunshine's picture



"Ubi materia, ibi geometria."
"Geometry is the archetype of the beauty of the world."

-Johannes Kepler (1571-1630)

"Die mathematische Forschung besteht aus 10% Intuition und 90% Arbeit."

-Edmund Hlawka (DMV-Mitteilungen 2/99)

"Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."

-Sherlock Holmes

"Young bloods can't spell but they can rock you in PlayStation this new math it whippin m&8%!2@*^#ers ass you wanna know how to rhyme you better learn how to add it's mathematics."

-Mos Def (Mathematics)

redpill's picture

"Oh we'll decide in November!"

It's so utterly transparent.  The can kicking, once measured in years and months, is down to weeks and days.  Soon it will be hours.  Then something will finally give.  Either Germany sacrifices the economic output of its entire population for the foreseeable future to subsidize the entire Eurozone, or we fall off the cliff.

Anyone for Bratwurst?

iDealMeat's picture

Man..  I hope Germans finally kill this beast.. The following Oktoberfest party would be the benchmark of sovereign celebration. 

I'd go.. 


slaughterer's picture

They should have said this (more trufthful):


mayhem_korner's picture

Leveraged bailouts.  That's so 90s.  :D

LawsofPhysics's picture

Great avatar, bring on the animal spirits already.  Oh wait, another 400 billion of Fed "twist" still needs to be spent.

legal eagle's picture

And now on to other news, large quantities of select paper and colorful ink have been ordered by the German government.

And, finally, it appears that Greek public sector workers have taken the day off in protest of too much work.

HelluvaEngineer's picture


Oh dear God, not again

GeneMarchbanks's picture

That's the name of the game: Delay. If things are falling apart quickly: Baffle with bullshit.

SheepDog-One's picture

Exactly, ALL theyve got is carrots and sticks and baffle em with bullshit....and not a single adult to be found anywhere.

qussl3's picture

Punting to the FOMC, praying for QE.

Good luck with that.

machineh's picture

I will gladly pay you in November for a leveraged EFSF burger today.

Oh, and hold the mayo ...

wandstrasse's picture

whoa we are saved... now THAT was tight. What a relief.

Hedge Fund of One's picture

Hey! They're following the trend: as long as the market moves higher on no action, no action needs to be taken. Right?

ZeroPower's picture

Some more:

EC to strengthen monitoring capacity on the ground in Greece - Draft Statement


Whatever, all pointless. Fade the pops.

AccreditedEYE's picture

Fade the pops

Not sure about that Zero... I respect your trading prowess and all, but this market is downright BROKEN. Between this post and Tyler's last, I think I gotta get my hands on a few hundred billion and some trading 'Bots. These programs will buy on can't be this easy can it? Maybe in a few months, I can afford to buy my own politicians too. LOL

Dr. No's picture

Perfect!  Why decide today what can be put off until tomorrow?  Perfect political solution.  Much better to react to a problem then prevent one.  Business as usual.  The only fascinating aspect is how many people expected a solution out of this weekend summit on Wednesday.

PAPA ROACH's picture

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??????? Kick the can down the road again on anything out of the eurozone?



Dr. No's picture

Why expect an economic solution from politicians?  You seem disapointed the goverment didnt save the day.  let the market decide what to do with greece.  Why should Merc and Sarc decide?

PAPA ROACH's picture

I never expected a solution, but for the thousandth time, the "definative agreement" that was to happen, hasn't happened and that leaves hope to the retarded bulls.


Now I think this is more about how to get around triggering CDS contagion than just not agreeing; buy more time, buy more time.

Dr. No's picture

Fair assessment.  "Pump and Dump" applies to Soverign and ECB right?  Sarc pumps.  French banks dump.

vote_libertarian_party's picture

No details....empty statements....WE ARE SAVE!!!!

The Axe's picture

Feed the computers headlines...feed it and the market will go higher and higher...

PicassoInActions's picture

they did not say which november... its probably 2013...

Joebloinvestor's picture

So what time does the EU come crashing down?

I thought today was the "drop dead" date.

Now I know it is a LIE, just like the US bailout was.

pendragon's picture

ponzi kept alive another month.

mayhem_korner's picture



You can't fix stupid.

DavidDavid's picture

Europe will do nothing until the financial markets force their hand.  Kicking the can continues to work very well.

SheepDog-One's picture

And the financial markets will never force their hand, because retail has been forced out due to the massive iron fisted manipulation and its all ran by central banks now. Borg market.

george's picture

At least they are kicking the can without spending anything. Geese, the US needs to try this come next bailout.

FL_Conservative's picture

Unbelievable!  I've got a shitload of Florida real estate to sell the dimwits that are buying into the bullshit that's being pumped out of Europe these days.  Sell 'em....short 'em....and drive 'em into the ground....for good!

Belarus's picture

It's just unreal how the market just so badly wants to believe there will be a fix for EVERYTHING. The EUR/USD has been down pretty much all day, and even when it was down large the market never really went negative, aside from the QQQs, and the slightest hint of "headline" optimism and the market just absolutely soars. 

This is crazy. 

Quintus's picture

Seriously though, there really are no solutions to be found, other than letting the whole thing go and see where the chips fall.

We cannot realistically expect any kind of viable painless solution to the problems in the Eurozone, or the rest of the world for that matter.  

All we can do is prepare for the inevitable as best we can, and then sit back and watch the world's 'Leaders' spinning their wheels faster and faster trying to convince us all that 2+2 = 5.

Crack-up Boom's picture

It's worse than that.  They want to convince us that 2 + 2 = a number to be named later!  Sheesh!

Motley Fool's picture

There is actually a painless solution, for most, but it needs to be initiated by the market. not politicians.

Elwood P Suggins's picture



Buy lots of Pork Chops and sit back and watch the show.

Elwood P Suggins's picture



Buy lots of Pork Chops and sit back and watch the show.

PicassoInActions's picture

first time i sow the word Hopium on this blog.. long time ago

should it be copyrighted?


from CNBC 

Economic 'Hopium'—Or Signs Things May Be Improving


SheepDog-One's picture

Fackin CNBC, what a bunch of dicks.

prophet's picture

Blathrilium Solutionium




prophet's picture


MJ's picture

Today’s positive statement:

“Tomorrow’s statement promises to be better than today’s, just wait for it”

ad nauseam

ReallySparky's picture

So will we have a political double header in November?  I seem to remember that CONgress will also have to decide some debt stuff too at the time.

bxy's picture

And we are up big again.  Not that it wasn't obvious before but our markets and our entire econonmy are complete jokes.  There is no validity in any validity.  We are so fucked and very few care.