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Here Come The Eurozone Summit Headfake Headlines

Submitted by Tyler Durden on 10/26/2011 13:59 -0400

It begins:

EURO ZONE PLANS TO LEVERAGE EFSF BAILOUT FUND "SEVERAL FOLD", FINANCE MINISTERS TO DECIDE DETAILS IN NOVEMBER -- DRAFT EURO ZONE SUMMIT STATEMENT
DRAFT EURO ZONE STATEMENT MAKES NO MENTION AT THIS STAGE OF ITALY'S REQUIRED BUDGET STEPS
NO AMOUNTS SET FOR BANK RECAPITALIZATIONS

In other news, there will be absolutely nothing actionable following today's "ground-breaking" summit. There will also be nothing at all after the Cannes statement. Or any time after. Why? Simple - there is nothing that Europe can propose in a universe in which 2+2=4 that resolves its problems.

Any jumps in the EURUSD will be brief and fast-lived.

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Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:01 | 1813384 speconomist

Wasn't there another meeting to be expected this weekend?

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:02 | 1813408 TruthInSunshine

I'm repeating my comment from the last thread just because ZH's headline here is so consistent.

It's all COMICAL.

They can punt, run and hide, but they will find reality catching them, and then the ugly beat down commences.

Why?

Math, while cold and sterile, at least never lies (statistics do when 'massaged,' but that's not math; that's man warping or abusing math, and falsifying some part of the equation towards an ulterior motive), and that's where to always look to in order to glean the truth.

Math says the only 'solutions' to the EuroDebtapocalpse are a) extremely painful for equity and credit markets, or b) extremely painful for equity and credit markets.

Take your pick, and get your half-life bets on!

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:05 | 1813420 Ahmeexnal

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEYm1anvavQ

Begin the madness
Tear down the sign
Ideals and values
They use to keep us in line

Turn a blind eye to jobless millions
Queues of wreckage to be broken down
Leaders feed us their solutions
Mistakes the death cart clears away

Beware of the...
The plague
The plague
The plague
The plague

A pig for power
Misplacing trust
Science moves fact to fiction
Disturbing dust

All this in the name of progress
While our existence is sold downstream
Religion plays upon the ruin
While Manson throws away the key

Beware of the...
The plague
The plague
The plague
The plague

Don't look at me
I'm not the answer
Look to you
It's where it's at

Don't look at me
I'm not the saviour
It's up to you
To face yourself

What price the future
And Orwell's dream
All yours big brother
On twenty two inch screen

The tragedy we bleed human
Can't feed emotion to the zombie brain
And as the rat becomes exhausted
We stand to lose the game

Beware of the...
The plague
The plague
The plague
The plague

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:05 | 1813428 TruthInSunshine

"Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two make four. If that is granted, all else follows."

- George Orwell

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:08 | 1813444 malikai

BREAKING NEWS: 2 + 2 = 3 TRILLION

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:18 | 1813511 TruthInSunshine

"Ubi materia, ibi geometria."
"Geometry is the archetype of the beauty of the world."

-Johannes Kepler (1571-1630)

"Die mathematische Forschung besteht aus 10% Intuition und 90% Arbeit."

-Edmund Hlawka (DMV-Mitteilungen 2/99)

"Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth."

-Sherlock Holmes

"Young bloods can't spell but they can rock you in PlayStation this new math it whippin m&8%!2@*^#ers ass you wanna know how to rhyme you better learn how to add it's mathematics."

-Mos Def (Mathematics)

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:06 | 1813429 redpill

"Oh we'll decide in November!"

It's so utterly transparent. The can kicking, once measured in years and months, is down to weeks and days. Soon it will be hours. Then something will finally give. Either Germany sacrifices the economic output of its entire population for the foreseeable future to subsidize the entire Eurozone, or we fall off the cliff.

Anyone for Bratwurst?

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:14 | 1813494 iDealMeat

Man.. I hope Germans finally kill this beast.. The following Oktoberfest party would be the benchmark of sovereign celebration.

I'd go..

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:10 | 1813457 slaughterer

They should have said this (more trufthful):

EUROZONE PLANS TO DELAY ANY FINAL DECISION UNTIL AFTER THE NEXT FOMC MEETING JUST TO SEE IF BERNANKE WILL PRINT MORE MONEY FOR THE EUROZONE

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:00 | 1813385 mayhem_korner

Leveraged bailouts. That's so 90s. :D

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:02 | 1813407 LawsofPhysics

Great avatar, bring on the animal spirits already. Oh wait, another 400 billion of Fed "twist" still needs to be spent.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:07 | 1813436 legal eagle

And now on to other news, large quantities of select paper and colorful ink have been ordered by the German government.

And, finally, it appears that Greek public sector workers have taken the day off in protest of too much work.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:01 | 1813391 HelluvaEngineer

TO DECIDE DETAILS IN NOVEMBER

Oh dear God, not again

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:04 | 1813416 GeneMarchbanks

That's the name of the game: Delay. If things are falling apart quickly: Baffle with bullshit.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:06 | 1813433 SheepDog-One

Exactly, ALL theyve got is carrots and sticks and baffle em with bullshit....and not a single adult to be found anywhere.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:06 | 1813435 qussl3

Punting to the FOMC, praying for QE.

Good luck with that.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:09 | 1813450 machineh

I will gladly pay you in November for a leveraged EFSF burger today.

Oh, and hold the mayo ...

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:01 | 1813397 wandstrasse

whoa we are saved... now THAT was tight. What a relief.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:01 | 1813400 Hedge Fund of One

Hey! They're following the trend: as long as the market moves higher on no action, no action needs to be taken. Right?

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:01 | 1813402 ZeroPower

Some more:

EC to strengthen monitoring capacity on the ground in Greece - Draft Statement

Whatever, all pointless. Fade the pops.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:09 | 1813449 AccreditedEYE

Fade the pops

Not sure about that Zero... I respect your trading prowess and all, but this market is downright BROKEN. Between this post and Tyler's last, I think I gotta get my hands on a few hundred billion and some trading 'Bots. These programs will buy on anything...it can't be this easy can it? Maybe in a few months, I can afford to buy my own politicians too. LOL

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:02 | 1813403 Dr. No

Perfect! Why decide today what can be put off until tomorrow? Perfect political solution. Much better to react to a problem then prevent one. Business as usual. The only fascinating aspect is how many people expected a solution out of this weekend summit on Wednesday.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:02 | 1813404 PAPA ROACH

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??????? Kick the can down the road again on anything out of the eurozone?

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:04 | 1813415 Dr. No

Why expect an economic solution from politicians? You seem disapointed the goverment didnt save the day. let the market decide what to do with greece. Why should Merc and Sarc decide?

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:08 | 1813445 PAPA ROACH

I never expected a solution, but for the thousandth time, the "definative agreement" that was to happen, hasn't happened and that leaves hope to the retarded bulls.

Now I think this is more about how to get around triggering CDS contagion than just not agreeing; buy more time, buy more time.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:10 | 1813461 Dr. No

Fair assessment. "Pump and Dump" applies to Soverign and ECB right? Sarc pumps. French banks dump.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:02 | 1813409 vote_libertaria...

No details....empty statements....WE ARE SAVE!!!!

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:03 | 1813412 The Axe

Feed the computers headlines...feed it and the market will go higher and higher...

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:04 | 1813414 FunkyMonkeyBoy

November 2015.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:04 | 1813417 PicassoInActions

they did not say which november... its probably 2013...

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:05 | 1813422 Joebloinvestor

So what time does the EU come crashing down?

I thought today was the "drop dead" date.

Now I know it is a LIE, just like the US bailout was.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:05 | 1813424 pendragon

ponzi kept alive another month.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:05 | 1813425 mayhem_korner

You can't fix stupid.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:06 | 1813426 DavidDavid

Europe will do nothing until the financial markets force their hand. Kicking the can continues to work very well.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:12 | 1813447 SheepDog-One

And the financial markets will never force their hand, because retail has been forced out due to the massive iron fisted manipulation and its all ran by central banks now. Borg market.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:06 | 1813430 george

At least they are kicking the can without spending anything. Geese, the US needs to try this come next bailout.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:06 | 1813434 FL_Conservative

Unbelievable! I've got a shitload of Florida real estate to sell the dimwits that are buying into the bullshit that's being pumped out of Europe these days. Sell 'em....short 'em....and drive 'em into the ground....for good!

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:07 | 1813437 Belarus

It's just unreal how the market just so badly wants to believe there will be a fix for EVERYTHING. The EUR/USD has been down pretty much all day, and even when it was down large the market never really went negative, aside from the QQQs, and the slightest hint of "headline" optimism and the market just absolutely soars.

This is crazy.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:07 | 1813441 Quintus

Seriously though, there really are no solutions to be found, other than letting the whole thing go and see where the chips fall.

We cannot realistically expect any kind of viable painless solution to the problems in the Eurozone, or the rest of the world for that matter.

All we can do is prepare for the inevitable as best we can, and then sit back and watch the world's 'Leaders' spinning their wheels faster and faster trying to convince us all that 2+2 = 5.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:17 | 1813512 Crack-up Boom

It's worse than that. They want to convince us that 2 + 2 = a number to be named later! Sheesh!

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:23 | 1813545 Motley Fool

There is actually a painless solution, for most, but it needs to be initiated by the market. not politicians.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:37 | 1813621 Elwood P Suggins

BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Buy lots of Pork Chops and sit back and watch the show.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:42 | 1813659 Elwood P Suggins

BINGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Buy lots of Pork Chops and sit back and watch the show.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:07 | 1813442 PicassoInActions

first time i sow the word Hopium on this blog.. long time ago

should it be copyrighted?

from CNBC

Economic 'Hopium'—Or Signs Things May Be Improving

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:10 | 1813458 SheepDog-One

Fackin CNBC, what a bunch of dicks.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:14 | 1813493 prophet

Blathrilium Solutionium

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:08 | 1813448 prophet

omg STALEMATE ew

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:09 | 1813451 MJ

Today’s positive statement:

“Tomorrow’s statement promises to be better than today’s, just wait for it”

ad nauseam

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:10 | 1813462 ReallySparky

So will we have a political double header in November? I seem to remember that CONgress will also have to decide some debt stuff too at the time.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:11 | 1813463 bxy

And we are up big again. Not that it wasn't obvious before but our markets and our entire econonmy are complete jokes. There is no validity in any validity. We are so fucked and very few care.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:14 | 1813490 topcallingtroll

Sounds like capitulation but i will bet none of your kind have suddenly started buying significant quantities of stocks. Nor or you likely to buy bonds.

Thus the slow grind upwards should continue.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:50 | 1813720 bxy

My kind???? I don't know what the fuck that mean. I am long gold and volatilty, genius.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:51 | 1813722 bxy

My kind???? I don't know what the fuck that means. I am long gold and volatilty, genius.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:11 | 1813464 SheepDog-One

'Carrot and stick' from here on out hell Ive been saying it for months!

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:11 | 1813466 topcallingtroll

Given the difficulty producing a bazooka in europe why do some people think the ECB will monetize and/or that inflation will race ahead?

I dont see any chance of avoiding deflation in europe.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:11 | 1813468 defn8Dog

Reports have now confirmed that Euro leaders did agree on which wine to serve with dinner at the summit.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:11 | 1813469 Belarus

It looks like Germany just needs more time to draft their execution plans to get the fuck out of dodge.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:12 | 1813476 CompassionateFascist

Conspiracy gives way to chaos. Feldmarschal Merkel will send the Waffen-SS Totenkopf Division to Greece, to "restore order".

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:25 | 1813557 PicassoInActions

If that happens, Putin will invoke Stalin program

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:14 | 1813488 carbonmutant

The Market does not seem to require an "actionable" solution....

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:16 | 1813501 Gief Gold Plox

Following the logic that you coulnd't make this shit up, I am left wondering if the Eurocrats aren't in fact absolutely brilliant in their attempt to bust all the algos with all these headfake headlines. I mean sooner or later one of them has got to enter an infinite loop from all this bullshit, right?

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:26 | 1813563 gatorengineer

Should be bondlicious.... Can wait to see the Frog / Italian / Portugese Bond auction......

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:26 | 1813564 gatorengineer

Should be bondlicious.... Can wait to see the Frog / Italian / Portugese Bond auction......

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:32 | 1813585 Pancho Villa

European leaders are clearly deadlocked and will not take any significant action until they are forced to. But there isn't really anything that they can do anyway.

So we will just have to wait and watch events unfold. The EZ is cracking. It started with Greece, Ireland and Portugal. Greece has now become a major fissure while large cracks are beginning to appear in Italy, Spain, and Belgium. And smaller cracks are starting to be seen in France.

I suspect these meetings will be looked back upon as the last moment in which Europeans could have taken steps to avert the crisis, but could not agree on a solution.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:44 | 1813675 Threeggg

How many times can you leverage a rumor ?

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 14:54 | 1813741 jmcadg

'several fold' - that's like me admitting my overdraft is a few quid. The level of specificity in Euroland is unparalleled.

Wed, 10/26/2011 - 18:12 | 1814397 Econophile

"there is nothing that Europe can propose in a universe in which 2+2=4 that resolves its problems."

Tyler, that is a great line.

Here Come The Eurozone Summit Headfake Headlines

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