Here Comes FIATtackWatch: Ben "Big Brother" Bernanke Goes Watergate, Prepares To Eavesdrop On Everything Mentioning The Fed

Tyler Durden's picture

Two weeks ago, the media's heart went aflutter when it learned that the president had borrowed a page right out of ole' Joe McCarthy's communist witch hunt book with the launch of Attack Watch. The response by everyone, even fans of Obama, was immediate and brutal. Yet where Obama took about 24 hours to crash and burn, someone else has stepped in with a far stealthier method of ferreting out the traitors amongst us: none other than our old friends, the Federal Reserve Bank of the United States, which in a Request for Proposals filed to companies that are Fed vendors, is requesting the creation of a "Social Listening Platform" whose function is to "gather data from various social media outlets and news sources." It will "monitor billions of conversations and generate text analytics based on predefined criteria." The Fed's desired product should be able to "determine the sentiment [ED:LOL] of a speaker or writer with respect to some topic or document"... "The solution must be able to gather data from the primary social media platforms – Facebook, Twitter, Blogs, Forums and YouTube. It should also be able to aggregate data from various media outlets such as: CNN, WSJ, Factiva etc." Most importantly, the "Listening Platform" should be able to "Handle crisis situations, Continuously monitor conversations, and Identify and reach out to key bloggers and influencers." Said otherwise, the Fed has just entered the counterespionage era and will be monitoring everything written about it anywhere in the world. After all, why ask others to snitch for you and anger everyone as Obama found out the hard way, when you can pay others to create the supreme FIATtack WatchTM using money you yourself can print in unlimited amounts. And once the Internet is completely "transparent", the Fed will next focus on telephone conversations, and finally will simply bug each and every otherwise "private" location in the world. Because very soon saying that "printing money is treason" will be treason, and such terrorist thoughts must be pre-crimed before they even occur.

All we can say is we welcome our new Chairsatan Voldemort overlord. For it is truly he who must not be named henceforth.

From the key section of the RFP, presented in its entirety below:

I. Introduction

Social media platforms are changing the way organizations are communicating to the public Conversations are happening all the time and everywhere.
There is need for the Communications Group to be timely and proactively aware of the reactions and opinions expressed by the general public as it relates to the Federal Reserve and its actions on a variety of subjects.

II. Social Listening Platforms

Social media listening platforms are solutions that gather data from various social media outlets and news sources.  They monitor billions of conversations and generate text analytics based on predefined criteria.  They can also determine the sentiment of a speaker or writer with respect to some topic or document.
The information gathered can guide the organizations public relations group in assessing the effectiveness of communication strategies.

Here are some of the services it can offer:   

o Track reach and spread of your messages and press releases    
o Handle crisis situations    
o Continuously monitor conversations    
o Identify and reach out to key bloggers and influencers    
o Spot emerging trends, discussions themes and topics    

A. Geographic scope of social media sites

The solution must support content coming from different countries and geographical regions. It should also support multiple languages.

B. Content and Data Types

The solution must be able to gather data from the primary social media platforms –Facebook, Twitter, Blogs, Forums and YouTube. It should also be able to aggregate data from various media outlets such as: CNN, WSJ, Factiva etc.

C. Reports and Metrics

The solution must provide real-time monitoring of relevant conversations.  It should provide sentiment analysis (positive, negative or neutral) around key conversational topics.

It must be able to provide summaries or high level overviews of a specific set of topics. It should have a configurable dashboard that can easily be accessed by internal analysts or management.  The dashboard must support customization by user or group access.

The solution should provide an alerting mechanism that automatically sends out reports or notifications based a predefined trigger.

D. FRBNY Technology Integration

The solution must be able to integrate with existing FRBNY technologies such as: Google Search appliance, Lotus notes suite and web trends.It must have support for single sign on or windows integrated authentication.

E. Cost Structure

The solution should offer a flexible pricing structure that can support multiple user licensing.  It should also have the option to base pricing on content volume and usage. Supplier acknowledges an understanding of and agrees to comply with the above minimum solutions requirements.

Full RFP:

 

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L G Butz PhD's picture

Exactly! Have a cigar ur gonna go far.

bid the soldiers shoot's picture

"This thread is being monitored for quality assurance."

Fips_OnTheSpot's picture

Just buy it as a (web)service from the NSA :P

 

Insanity engaged.

knukles's picture

Talk about Governmental Waste of Taxpayer Money!

Pure Exquisite Duplication of Effort!
Indeed, get it from the NSA, already for Shit's Sake!

RobotTrader's picture

Zero Hedge: Enemy No. 1 of the Fed

CrockettAlmanac.com's picture

The Fed's #3 enemy is ZH, #2 is Ron Paul, #1 is reality.

Juan Wild's picture

Facebook is J Edgar Hoover's fantasy come true. Wake up and get off of Facebook and tell your friends and family too. Watch

vast-dom's picture

Agreed. Facebook and Google+ are for fucking morons with no life! And if you have any IQuit points you would never run legit FB/G+ accounts! 

bid the soldiers shoot's picture

Google is the heroin of the Internet. You can't live without it, while it destroys your brain.

buzzsaw99's picture

Google+ is not the GOOG search engine, which is also evil.

TruthInSunshine's picture

 

 

Google = Government Data Aggregator

Facebook = Sheeple sedative

SNAP Cards, Social Security, Medicare/Medicaid, SSI, AFWDC, etc. = Bread

Political 'Debates,' Foreign Wars/Adventures, Rallies in D.C. = Circus

AustriAnnie's picture

That boy that screams out "The emperor has no clothes"

bid the soldiers shoot's picture

I was hoping for a longer run than that. :o)

CH1's picture

Someone needs to write a free P2P equivalent for Facebook. Screw the thieving little snots.

I'd toss a few bucks at the effort.

Baldrick's picture

try joindiaspora.com

ivana's picture

In one small meaningless country far far away, puppet regime has already prepared very strict legislation which leads to total web silence or draconian penalties ... even jail for those who dare to think with their own heads.

Remember McCain before elections: blah blah ... we do not need internet ......... than you have CNBC with cyber security saga , other puppet media will follow ...... than you have wikileaks, nothing special but "dangerous for national security" ..... than Anonymous etc etc

One nice day when powerz fear will start reaching fobia levels - banksters will just switch us off

RobotTrader's picture

I warned all you guys who have been puffing out your chests and bragging about how much gold and guns you have. Now you are out in the open, plain for everyone to see. Here come the Jackboots......

Hulk's picture

We were only kidding...

lieutenantjohnchard's picture

hey 'tard. you did the same thing. even i know you have two monster boxes of silver eagles and gold coins. how? you told us moron. you even tried to get me to buy them.

robottrader: comic relief in a tough world.

SeventhCereal's picture

well if you have guns, what good are they if you aren't willing to use them?  ya folla?

CrockettAlmanac.com's picture

Here come the Jackboots......

 

I look good in jackboots. I bought three pairs of these before they ran out of my size.

http://www.sportsmansguide.com/net/cb/new-czech-military-leather-jack-bo...

MsCreant's picture

You boot salesman spammer you. Not another shoe ad on ZH. FUUUUCK. Ben will take care of you all with your militaristic, jackbooted, hoarding, selves. Just you wait. Uncle Ben and his, uh, fiat, yeah. JLo is out there selling Fiat, did ja know? When you think Fiat, you will now think bootylicious. Kay? Ben and his bootylicious Fiat.

What dat bot tink o dat? 

Fed = Jackbootylicious

HAL 9000's picture

Who are these people? I can only identify you, although I compute a 65% probability that the man behind you is Dr Floyd.

falak pema's picture

you are right about the sound of jackboots and wrong about the irrepressible thud of heart beats... sound of America's quest for the pursuit of fundamental rights and happiness. 

bid the soldiers shoot's picture

Not to worry. It's Nancy Sinatra.

bid the soldiers shoot's picture

You know there are a couple of avatars here with "puffed out chests" and their booties shined who could walk all over me (in the good sense of that expression.)

There's no danger in exchanging bodily pixels, is there?

nmewn's picture

"I warned all you guys who have been puffing out your chests..."

Its OK Robo...we won't say anything about all your wash sales...whoops! ;-)

The Deleuzian's picture

ROBO:

Bernanke or Obama for that matter doesn't give a hairy rats ass about 'The Little People' like us with our paltry sums...

aleph0's picture

Holy smoke , and I thought I was innocent

Young's picture

This shit for real?

Fips_OnTheSpot's picture

No - it's worse and we are not front-running it.

Shvanztanz's picture

Whoa! I thought this was a cooking blog. Excuse me...I uh, am in the wrong blog. 

It's hard to leave when you can't find the door. 

machineh's picture

I have a gold vault, I forget the price
Ain't never been there, they tell me it's nice
I stomp through my office, tear out the walls
I print up the dollars to pay for it all

They say I'm crazy but I have a good time
I'm just looking for clues 
at the scene of the crime
Life's been good to me so far

-- Benny Bubbles

LetThemEatRand's picture

I said I know, Bernanke's up my ass

but I like it, like it, yes I do....

-Rolling Bernankes

Snidley Whipsnae's picture

"Whoa! I thought this was a cooking blog."

You mistakenly posted here? Next stop for you... FEMA camp for wayward cooks.

.................................................................

Hey Ben... Did you know that the non-money; ie, gold, has kicked the crap out of equities for the past 11 years?

Just sayin', in case no one in your circle has the balls to tell you.

vast-dom's picture

Allright then let me get my anti-bigbrother on right now!:

 

FUCK YOU BERNANK

FUCK YOU OBUMMER

FUCK YOU DEMS

FUCK YOU REPUBS

FUCK YOU STATUS QUO 

FUCK YOU TEH FED

FUCK YOU DEH GOV

FUCK YOU FBI

FUCK YOU CIA

FUCK YOU COMEX

FUCK YOU EAVESDROPPING AGENTS

FUCK YOU ANYONE WHO WON'T MIND THEIR BIZ

FUCK YOU EUROZONE

FUCK YOU GREECE

FUCK YOU ALL!

AND AN EXTRA SPECIAL FUCK YOU TO ATTACKWATCH!

 

Whatta's picture

yeah, what he said!!!

and Michelle Obomber, too!!!

Big Corked Boots's picture

You're a brave man. Not many would fuck that.

jekyll island's picture

Oh, you are definitely on the list. 

 

Love, 

 

The Bernank

HAL 9000's picture

Who are these people? I can only identify you, although I compute a 65% probability that the man behind you is Dr Floyd.