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Here Comes #OccupyMainStreet - RBS Cancels Christmas, Bans All Entertainment

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Cost-cutting days are here again. With the year grinding to a close, and with various banks around the world and in the US once again the target of popular adoration, management teams are wondering whether or not to cancel their "elves" parties come Christmas-time. The first bank to vote Nay on free booze, finger food and cheesy music is UK's nationalized RBS: "Royal Bank of Scotland Group Plc (RBS) is canceling Christmas for its investment bankers this year as the government-owned lender tries to reduce costs." It gets worse: the first person to laugh or joke gets the sack: "The bank will stop subsidizing holiday parties and has banned staff entertainment for the rest of the year, Chris Kyle, chief financial officer of RBS’s investment bank, wrote in an e- mail to employees obtained by Bloomberg News. A spokesman for the lender confirmed the contents of the memo." The latest development marks a new low for the bankrupt bank, which previously had the generous allowance of $16 per person for holiday spending: "RBS reduced its spending on holiday parties to 10 pounds ($16) a head, enough to buy two pints of lager and a packet of potato chips, in 2008 after receiving the biggest banking bailout in the world in the financial crisis. The lender announced 2,000 job cuts at the securities unit in August." Certainly this aggression will not stand: we expect white collar riots, powerpoints of mass demonstrations, and multiple scenario IRR excel models for the pros and cons of banker unionization, all organized via Blackberry-blasted calendar events, in which Wall Street will finally #OccupyMainStreet.

Actually scratch the Blackberry:

The bank is seeking to “further tighten and minimize the rate of spend on non-staff costs,” Kyle wrote. RBS has also frozen spending on computer hardware, new Blackberries and additional newspaper subscriptions, he said.

 

“International travel for internal purposes is to cease across all areas” and “travel under four hours duration will be in economy class without exception.” 

 

Employees have also been stopped from organizing off-site meetings and from taking taxis home before 10 p.m., he said. All contractors will take a “mandatory” vacation from Dec. 19 to Dec. 30, Kyle wrote

The reason for the sudden reminder that RBS is, essentially, still insolvent - why more capital raises of course.

The lender may also have to raise capital as European Union regulators force banks to bolster themselves against losses from the region’s sovereign debt crisis.

 

RBS might need to raise as much as 19 billion euros ($26 billion) of new capital to pass a third round of stress tests, Credit Suisse Group AG analysts led by Carla Antunes-Silva wrote in a note to clients yesterday. Evolution Securities Ltd.’s Ian Gordon said in a note today that RBS has “absolutely no need” to raise more capital because the bank wrote down its holdings of Greek debt by 50 percent in the second quarter.

 

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Fri, 10/14/2011 - 10:59 | 1773615 chunga
chunga's picture

Sorry. Party's over.

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:01 | 1773631 gojam
gojam's picture

Cromwell tried that but it didn't work

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:04 | 1773649 Max Hunter
Max Hunter's picture

This is a tragedy.. We have to let the banksters have their fun.. This is absurd and will hurt us in the long run.. /sarc off/

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:16 | 1773729 Ancona
Ancona's picture

WHAT!?!?!?!

I want my hookers and coke!!

This is an outrage, as we're ENTITLED to these parties.

While I'm at it, where's my fucking bonus bitchez??

#Occupy Santa's workshop!

Mon, 01/23/2012 - 01:36 | 2087833 jaffa
jaffa's picture

The worst thing you can do after a bad day of day trading is to try to make back everything you lost in one big trade. Figure out why you suffered the loss, adjust your strategy accordingly and move forward without making any rash decisions. If you make a trade out of panic, you might increase your losses. Thanks a lot.
Regards,
Atlanta bankruptcy attorneys

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:17 | 1773738 chunga
chunga's picture

Shhh...don't tell anyone. Just take the Executive elevator. This year's party will be better than ever.

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 19:18 | 1775688 cynicalskeptic
cynicalskeptic's picture

Off premises for top execs - verbal invite only, no written records or e-mails that could be seen by the proles.

Wed, 03/07/2012 - 00:45 | 2231087 jaffa
jaffa's picture

Economics graduates are employable in varying degrees, depending on the regional economic scenario and labour market conditions at the time for a given country. Apart from the specific understanding of the subject, employers value the skills of numeracy and analysis, the ability to communicate and the capacity to grasp broad issues which the graduates acquire at the university. Thanks.
Regards,
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Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:18 | 1773744 Don Birnam
Don Birnam's picture

"Every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart !"

http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2008/12/23/gal_xmas-flicks_17.jpg

( Postscript: "RBS," though headquartered in Edinburgh, is the successor, by acquisition, to the former London counting house firm of Scrooge & Marley. - Ed. )

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:19 | 1773754 Ruffcut
Ruffcut's picture

No, they are doing it all wrong. They need to charge and for a profit to get into the party. Make it mandatory. If you don't show up you are docked a weeks pay. That's how you need to run these businesses.

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:03 | 1773624 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

Ironic since all they've done is party

CNBC / Onion headline:

US to Play 'Very Major Role' In Helping Europe: Geithner

 

didn't the US, excuse me Goldman, excuse me same thing, play a "very major role" in fucking up europe?  

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:00 | 1773625 bigdumbnugly
bigdumbnugly's picture

the grinch that stole christmas - rbs style.

gotta start somewhere though.

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:01 | 1773635 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

'Here. Take a couple hundred million, just don't be happy about it OK?'

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:02 | 1773638 fuu
fuu's picture

Hahahaha bankers gettin' nerfed.

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:03 | 1773642 JenkinsLane
JenkinsLane's picture

Misdirection

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:05 | 1773656 solgundy
solgundy's picture

It doesn't include muslim holidays ,does it?

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:04 | 1773650 imapopulistnow
imapopulistnow's picture

Need to save money where ever they can for.......bonues.

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:10 | 1773690 Bobbyrib
Bobbyrib's picture

Bonuses to the executives, everyone else gets little to nothing.

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:04 | 1773652 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

even charles dickens would say:

"Let them fail, BiCheZ!"

 

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:05 | 1773654 FunkyMonkeyBoy
FunkyMonkeyBoy's picture

Pure tokenizm to make it look like 'they are suffering too', 'sharing the burden'... they've still got their snouts well buried in the trough.

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:06 | 1773662 Where My Dawg At
Where My Dawg At's picture

After a miserable third quarter I wonder what Goldman is going to do for their employees...

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:06 | 1773665 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

What suffering? What 'party over'....the fukin economy is EN FUEGO look at stawks!!!

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:06 | 1773670 ZeroPower
ZeroPower's picture

Wow 10 quid for holiday spending... feel sorry for them.

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:09 | 1773681 Clam McCain
Clam McCain's picture

Fire up bitchez!!

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:09 | 1773682 YesWeKahn
YesWeKahn's picture

No, we need to party hard to improve our retail sale numbers.Obama needs it.

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:10 | 1773687 tim73
tim73's picture

Translation: Coke, booze and the girls are only reserved for board members for now on.

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:11 | 1773695 Ted K
Ted K's picture

Oh Horrors!!!!!

Next thing you know they won't even allow bank employees to masturbate under the desk as they sell predatory loans!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6jT3Q3gyvs

They're taking all the fun away.


Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:11 | 1773699 junkyardjack
junkyardjack's picture

I figured they would do like the Chinese companies:

"The 300 employees of Aomi Fluid Equipment here were delighted recently when the owner offered an all-expenses-paid, two-day trip to a mountain resort three hours away.

The owner, Sun Fucai — or Boss Sun, as he’s known — was so insistent that his workers attend that he imposed a $30 fine on any employee who refused the getaway. Nearly everyone went.

Except Boss Sun.

When the employees returned from their holiday, they found that the factory had been stripped of its equipment and that Boss Sun had fled town. “It was entirely empty,” Li Heying, a former Aomi worker, said of the factory. “It was like what happens in war time.”"

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:16 | 1773731 Bobbyrib
Bobbyrib's picture

Did they have fun at least?

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:12 | 1773701 TradingJoe
TradingJoe's picture

:))) Galgenhumor :))) What's left then real sarcastic humor and helpless watching while the world around us goes bust! What a pittyful bunch the people of this planet have become! No wonder the bancheros "rule"! War is coming!

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:13 | 1773709 THE DORK OF CORK
THE DORK OF CORK's picture

RBS is at the heart of the European darkness.

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:24 | 1773797 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

I like the "no off site meetings" thing actually. "my God! They're plotting against us! And they're not even doing it in house like they're suppose to!"

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:13 | 1773712 SparkySC
SparkySC's picture

What ZH has done is banned it's followers from catching any part of a 12% moonshot.

And they most likely have gotten crushed shorting the Rocket.

 

Thanks ZH, you're a real pal like Charles Manson.

 

Got DOOM ?

 

 

 

 

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:15 | 1773716 FunkyMonkeyBoy
FunkyMonkeyBoy's picture

Yeah, on 5 floppy disks somewhere, you looking for a copy?

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:16 | 1773728 TuesdayBen
TuesdayBen's picture

Think for yourself, Sparkster

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:17 | 1773736 Larry Darrell
Larry Darrell's picture

The only trade recommendation I remember ZH posting recently was a compression trade between Dexia CDS and Belgian CDS

and I believe that trade is doing okay.

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:17 | 1773740 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

then just go back to watching Cramer. He needs the ratings far more than ZH does.

And what can possibly go wrong following his advice? right?

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:20 | 1773762 Dapper Dan
Dapper Dan's picture

Hey Sparky'

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Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:15 | 1773719 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

I believe the real reason for the party cancellations is fear that the bartenders and wait staff will piss in their drinks before handing it to them.

Given the opportunity...I know I'd piss in their drinks.

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 16:39 | 1775205 zenbones
zenbones's picture

"There's a worm in my tequila.  Wait!  Are worms brown?  Hey, that's not a worm!"

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:15 | 1773721 AngryGerman
AngryGerman's picture

bankster hell is here

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:16 | 1773732 Cone of Uncertainty
Cone of Uncertainty's picture

There is a party in your mouth...and nobody is coming bitches!

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:23 | 1773783 WoodMizer
WoodMizer's picture

They're cutting slave driver benefits; you know they are having capital issues.

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:26 | 1773806 adr
adr's picture

Sanity in the classic definition has long been forgotten by this insane world.

The few sane people left have been forcibly admitted to the nuthouse and have the choice of suicide or losing ones mind and joining the party.

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:28 | 1773816 JW n FL
JW n FL's picture

 

 

Record Bonuses! for the last 3 fucking years..

but this year, fuck you little people!

this is what happens when the bonus structure does not keep up with inflation! LOL!! *(real inflation not the FED 3%, LOL!!)

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:30 | 1773821 unionbroker
unionbroker's picture

Banned it's followers?

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:34 | 1773851 PositivelyNegative
PositivelyNegative's picture

How are these investment banks supposed to attract top talent to steal from the public with this kind of austerity???

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:41 | 1773888 bentaxle
bentaxle's picture

And UK, not being in the Euro, RBS cannot tap the European Festive Stability Fund either!

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:41 | 1773890 Cone of Uncertainty
Cone of Uncertainty's picture

Does this mean midget tossing performers will be out of work over the next couple months?

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 11:47 | 1773929 docmac324
docmac324's picture

Well one things sure, the Seattle airport is EMPTY.  "Occupy Seattle" is really catching on here cause the trips provided by SPD are less expensive and more flights are available.

 

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 12:36 | 1774186 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

just as long as the Hanukkah parties continue

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 14:16 | 1774598 WakeyWakey
Fri, 10/14/2011 - 14:46 | 1774704 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

What about the client party with the "naught or nice" Christmas eleves?

Surely that most still be on.

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 17:00 | 1775289 AchtungAffen
AchtungAffen's picture

The Grinch stole christmas again... this time through a derivatives scheme. Damn he's getting smarter.

Fri, 10/14/2011 - 21:29 | 1775981 Fiat Money
Fiat Money's picture

LOL !!   With the GS, jpm, Fed,City-of-London (= rotchilds) TAKEOVER of the ENTIRE usa government, press/media, financial sector, and MOST public space in the (late) U.S. of A. a "done deal,"  look for their hired (bought & paid for) Appartchiks to next BAN  Christ-mas outright, altogether in the (late) United States & UK !!

      Just like the rotchilds and their Anglo autocracy partners in crime during the Victoria era (1845-1852) STARVED nearly TWO MILLION irish men, women, and children to death (or died of related diseases) www.IrishHOLOCAUST.org - with BOTH the ANglican (protestant) AND CATHOLIC churches in mute collusion - all to EXTORT A BUCK out of the starving sots !!   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hannah_Primrose,_Countess_of_Rosebery#Early_years

  (double LOL) - Being the "ROYAL bank of scotland" LOSES some of its catchet - when you can't even afford a stinkin' annual  Christmas party!! 

  my hat is humbly off to the evil R's, and their monstrous - and monstrously successful - global extortion (and wars) schemes !! 

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