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Here Is What Bernanke Has Been Secretely Ordering From Heidelberg

Tyler Durden's picture


Presenting... The Heidelberg: Mainstream 80, Web-fed Rotary Printer


And from the all too appropriate description, highlights ours:

Power Printing


Design Challenge: To create a strategic design system for Heidelberg and its large number of recently acquired companies. This expansion of the parent brand required strategic design to integrate and express the brand in all possible products from desktop to newspaper press printing.


To redesign Heidelberg's current line of mix-matched products into an integrated system of printing presses that would reflect the high quality of the brand, and the press technology itself and specifically, appeal to the American market.


We established a foreground color palette that is silver, conveying high quality, similar to what is used in high-tech products. We kept the background, interior colors dark for practical reasons, cleaning needs and durability.


These enormous, complex machines are assembled by hand so that no two installations are the same. It is an assembly of thousands of parts and sub assemblies. Our designs are modular and, continuing the architectural design language theme, carry an intuitive conceptual "erector set" assemblage.


The designs have unified Heidelberg's systems as well as reinvigorated their teams with a renewed sense of pride.

Source: DesignworksUSA

h/t Hedgeless Horseman


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Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:22 | 1836875 mfoste1
mfoste1's picture

who is john galt?

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:26 | 1836906 Lets_Eat_Ben
Lets_Eat_Ben's picture

Im long ink

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:29 | 1836936 HoofHearted
HoofHearted's picture

Bennie and the Inkjets are actually ordering 310 million of them. No more need for food stamps then. He gets the bulk discount, and he just might get free shipping to each of us also.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:32 | 1836956 Nascent_Variable
Nascent_Variable's picture

Good thing they're getting the bulk discount.  I'd hate to think the central planners are wasting taxpayer money.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:45 | 1837036 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

All your ink are belong to us.....

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:09 | 1837159 fuu
fuu's picture

He'll make it rain for sure now!

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:14 | 1837182 MrBoompi
MrBoompi's picture

The Fed is using 9.7 TONS OF INK PER DAY printing money.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:39 | 1837317 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

Bureau of Engraving and Printing still "prints" the currency for the FED.  The FED does it's real printing with the "magic" computer (custom titanium zero key on the keyboard).  I am not sure, if the Treasury still has to print the bonds they sell, it may have gone all electronic, too.  The push is to phase out paper money, and use electronic transfers for the majority of transactions.  The fly in the ointment with that plan is the overseas use of the dollar as currency (hell Ecuador's whole country operates on US currency, fools).  

Heidelberg should protect it's future by investing in the manufacture of ore crushing and refining equipment for the once and future money, silver and gold.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 13:54 | 1837656 LeonardoFibonacci
LeonardoFibonacci's picture

Ben "Shylock" Bernank,  a pound of flesh will be required of you just above your heart!  Oups forgot you don't have a heart....

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 13:12 | 1837485 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture


hey, mr_p!

here is the guy who designed the web-based app:not>do-chen

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:42 | 1836975 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

Bernanke could save a bundle if he signed up for Staples Rewards!

"That was easy!"

And if you click on the pictures you'll see the printers are made by BMW.

Does this make the printer, "The Ultimate Printing Machine"?

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:43 | 1837019 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture


Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:21 | 1837215 optimator
optimator's picture

One outstanding feature put Heidleberg on top decades ago and what they're called says it all.

Heidleberg High Spreed Printing Press.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:38 | 1837301 pavman
pavman's picture

What a crazy new world we're living in... HP getting out of the PC business as the only quality player left and BMW getting *into* the printing business.  Let's just hope the printers aren't as cheap as some of the plastic components they use in their automobiles!

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:58 | 1837431 Troll Magnet
Troll Magnet's picture

Their plastic components are pretty decent, actually.  It's their goddamned electric engineering that leaves a lot to be desired.  Goddamn windows, sunroofs and sometimes even the AC buttons malfunction.  Great driving machine otherwise.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 16:44 | 1838560 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

BMW= Bernanke's Monetization Weapon...

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:01 | 1837127 monkeys.pick.bottoms
monkeys.pick.bottoms's picture

deleted; I can't be original any more:D

ps John Galt is alive

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:24 | 1837232 knukles
knukles's picture

So is Hunter Thompson.  We're merely characters in his new book, "Fear and Loathing at the End."

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 13:10 | 1837476 DosZap
DosZap's picture

who is john galt?

At this point appears to be Walter Mitty.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:23 | 1836881 maxw3st
maxw3st's picture

It's that newspaper model Bernanke has his eyes on. He's getting one for Geithner for Christmas.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:25 | 1836898 smithcreek
smithcreek's picture

Not the toilet paper version?

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:09 | 1837161 CrimsonAvenger
CrimsonAvenger's picture

So nobody's getting Timmy a cock punch? He's been begging for one for as long as I can remember.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:23 | 1836885 Ancona
Ancona's picture

Fuck yeah! High speed printing, it's what every central banker wants for Christmas a winter season gift.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:23 | 1836886 Carlyle Groupie
Carlyle Groupie's picture

Catch me if you can says Bennie.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:23 | 1836888 High Plains Drifter
High Plains Drifter's picture

hell, he can't even get a decent corn beef sandwich in heidelberg.........

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:25 | 1837240 knukles
knukles's picture

Well I can't one in California either so we're even.  That get me a printer and a cock punch? 

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:25 | 1836895 bania
bania's picture

I guess this will replace dot-matrix?

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:25 | 1836896 GoinFawr
GoinFawr's picture

Benny is oozing the what now?

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:25 | 1836899 High Plains Drifter
High Plains Drifter's picture

Kondratieff Winter  anyone?

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:25 | 1836900 Roland99
Roland99's picture

The only place to buy the ink cartridges is at Staples. And they're *never* on sale!

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:33 | 1836968 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

Bennie can return each old ink cartridge for $2 in Staples Rewards.  He can then use the Staples Rewards to buy additional ink cartridges.  If he needs more paper, he can go get giant packages of Charmin at Costco.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:25 | 1836901 Lets_Eat_Ben
Lets_Eat_Ben's picture

Who is Ron Paul?

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:30 | 1836944 High Plains Drifter
High Plains Drifter's picture

justanuther loser......

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:31 | 1836954 Robot Traders Mom
Robot Traders Mom's picture

The guy that Americans don't deserve.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:34 | 1836974 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Yea they really do deserve whats coming.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:56 | 1837105 Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris's picture

Agreed.  But unfortunately I'm one of "they".  Sigh.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:26 | 1836902 km4
km4's picture

Must print $$$ faster

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:26 | 1836904 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Ben: Beautiful piece of art work . I'll take three.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:30 | 1836945 uhb
uhb's picture

german craftsmanship....makes me proud :)

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:48 | 1837053 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

That is why I drive a BMW. It's like driving a piece of art.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:52 | 1837082 Shinjuku
Shinjuku's picture

Me, too

Deutsche Wertarbeit at its finest!

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:58 | 1837282 Taint Boil
Taint Boil's picture

Some of the best tooling I have ever seen is German. I use to work on a Heidelberg Press when I was in my 20's. An awesome piece of equipment - very fast.



Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:26 | 1836905 dirtydroog
dirtydroog's picture

He should be ordering RepRap printing machines. Then he can print machines that print machines and then who knows!

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:35 | 1837290 knukles
knukles's picture

Could just mimeograph the shit for all it's worth.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:27 | 1836910 xcehn
xcehn's picture


Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:27 | 1836913 Parisnights
Parisnights's picture

Goes to show you... the printing will not stop until morale improves. 

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:27 | 1836914 docmac324
docmac324's picture

Boy-oh-boy, here we go, again.  Why don't they just add zeros to their electonic databases?  Same difference.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:29 | 1836930 uhb
uhb's picture

because the german gdp doesnt go up then

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:27 | 1836916 No One
No One's picture

does this bad boy use HP Ink, or did the Bernank also get fed up with HP's lack of direction?

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:44 | 1837032 DCFusor
DCFusor's picture

They'd never use HP ink - it would cost over a buck to print a buck with that stuff -- coke is cheaper than HP ink or toner, for that matter.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:28 | 1836917 Parisnights
Parisnights's picture

Can that thing print DM's?

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:28 | 1836918 uhb
uhb's picture

heck , we germans know how to fold tin  :)

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:28 | 1836919 Soda Popinski
Soda Popinski's picture

I voted for the printing before I voted against it.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:29 | 1836925 jmcadg
jmcadg's picture

Four colour bitchez

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 14:05 | 1837697 Jonas Parker
Jonas Parker's picture

with spot UV varnish and an inline slitter too...

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:29 | 1836931 Dr. No
Dr. No's picture

Thats all well and good, but what about the helicopters?  Any news out of boeing, Sikorsky, bell?  Its one thing to have a product everyone wants but distribution is everything.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:35 | 1836981 Racer
Racer's picture

give money directly to the people?

Where would the PDs and banksters get their cut from that?


Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:29 | 1836932 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

Hedgless Horseman you magnificent bastard!

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:29 | 1836933 eaglefalcon
eaglefalcon's picture

they need to come out with the $200, $500 and $1,000 banknotes if they want to save on ink.  Dead presidents featured on the notes are Woodrow Wilson, Franklin D Roosevelt and Richard Nixon

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:27 | 1837248 CHARLIE.DONT.SERF

Yes, those dead presidents desrve their pictures on the single ply paper the Fed puts out.  But their shame won't last.  It's just a matter of time before we have 10,000 and 100,000 notes.  Then inflation will accellerate and there will be no time to redesign the notes.  They'll just decree that the 10K note is now worth 10M.  Then they'll kill the dollar and move on to a new currency (SDR's?).  I lived that reality in Brazil in the late 80's.  Unfortuantely, this time the whole world gets to live it.


Wed, 11/02/2011 - 14:29 | 1837852 FeralSerf
FeralSerf's picture

It would be cheaper and offer better control over the proles' assets, if any, if those dead president pictures were on plastic ATM cards.

The image of Millard Fillmore will rise again.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 16:50 | 1838582 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

We've already had $100,000 notes and that had Woodrow Wilson's pic on it...when I was a kid, a relative showed me some $1,000 bills in a collection...worth a lot more then.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 17:47 | 1838810 AGuy
AGuy's picture

LBJ should also be included, He ranks right up there with FDR, with his Guns and butter policies.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:29 | 1836939 WALLST8MY8BALL
WALLST8MY8BALL's picture

I think we will be seeing Red Back dollars soon.....

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:33 | 1836940 Ralph Spoilsport
Ralph Spoilsport's picture

I don't see the Model 90 anywhere. That baby converts to an abattoir and also "features interior colors dark for practical reasons, cleaning needs and durability."

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:29 | 1836943 agent default
agent default's picture

Oh WOW!! I want one!

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:30 | 1836946 BillyTheBlade
BillyTheBlade's picture

I thought this was a joke...then I clicked on the pics and it took me to the source.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:30 | 1836947 BillyTheBlade
BillyTheBlade's picture

I thought this was a joke...then I clicked on the pics and it took me to the source.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:31 | 1836948 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Global economy REALLY sucks! I want off this ride. 

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:32 | 1836953 Comay Mierda
Comay Mierda's picture

I'm gonna be patriotic and start printing my own money so I can provide stimulus to the economy

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:32 | 1836957 margaris
margaris's picture

so heidelberg hm?

Everything ties back to the */%&& germans.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:32 | 1836959 Missiondweller
Missiondweller's picture

To be named the "Weimar" model.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:30 | 1837259 Ponzi Unit
Ponzi Unit's picture

Yes! The Weimar 7000 series...

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:33 | 1836963 High Plains Drifter
High Plains Drifter's picture


in a letter from thomas jefferson to john adams,  tom explains to john that yids have a inherent problem with ethics , and morality.......


that be right tom, that be right........

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:34 | 1836969 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

Well, you know what they say?

You gotta print money to spend money. Er, is that, you gotta spend money to print money?

I never can get that right!

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:35 | 1836977 marcusfenix
marcusfenix's picture

but what about the Print-o-Matic 5000 from ACME? It's guaranteed to run, without the need for human interaction for up to 1 quadrillion dollars...can this machine boast such a guarantee? I think not...also, thanks to it's sturdy construction, ease of installation and super AI core computer and ultra damage resistant adamantium casing it will continue to print off much needed fiat paper notes even in the event of a zombie apocalypse...I know there is no way this printer could do that.

yet another sad and wasteful allocation of taxpayer dollars...

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:37 | 1836991 Hephasteus
Hephasteus's picture

Fuck you. I use gold and silver. Eat shit and die.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:38 | 1836995 RiverRoad
RiverRoad's picture

Built with plans leftover from the Third Reich.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:40 | 1837001 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

We can always hope Ol' Ben falls into the rollers and gums up the works....

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:40 | 1837004 YesWeKahn
YesWeKahn's picture

Conterfeiting is Bernanke's main skill.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:41 | 1837010 ljag
ljag's picture

I am surprised there was no mention of the possibility that Kimberly-Clark would be the recipient of these fabulous machines?!?!

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:43 | 1837018 rosiescenario
rosiescenario's picture

....and it is not even made in the U.S.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:43 | 1837023 Silver Dreamer
Silver Dreamer's picture

Why use a machine?  The government should print them by hand.  It would solve the unemployment problem too!

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:43 | 1837024 Belarus
Belarus's picture

With Obama and Ben and TBTF's at the helm, deflation will not be a problem over the next year. There will be absolutely zero real haircuts to our own unfunded imbalances; meanwhile, you just know damn well the Greek's will pass the bailout, "solidify" Europe, and that can will also be kicked for about another year or so as worries over Italy and Spain get put on the backburner. 

In other words, I've decided there is absolutely nothing but noise for now that will be all sound and fury signifying nothing until next year. After no QE announcement today, for god sakes the WTI is already around 94, I will likely do a short term market short.....any meaningful pullbacks will be simply be more of the same: BTFD in which I'll cover and go long. I think there is a lot of hope in this market: and everyone knows not to fight the Fed on the day or days after their meetings no matter what the market actually thinks: the ALGO's are always totally primed for these events to lift markets even when they are disappointed, which is why you have to wait until next week. That is simply how the Fed thinks: they do not want to appear to be the only thing that matters in world-wide markets, even though they are. It's why they want markets to behave when they speak: not too far up or down--they need price propaganda to not show their hand to the plebs. So any spikes duing the rest of the week I'll short: only to cover to BTFD if it finally looks like the end of the world again. 

And that's how to play this cycle, albeit it is literally all bullshit: 100% of it. 

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:50 | 1837064 RiverRoad
RiverRoad's picture

You got that right.  And you know they've got to save those QEs for just prior to the Nov. elections......

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:58 | 1837123 Belarus
Belarus's picture

No, I disagree. They've got to save the QE's, probably for next summer, for a major correction in equities, crude, etc. and just as importantly they need to save the Bazooka Nuke Option just in case Europe doesn't pan out. Because they have no idea how much in LSAP's will be needed if there is banking contagion. For today, they are just gonna talk the market along and nothing else. 



Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:58 | 1837051 the grateful un...
the grateful unemployed's picture

so is secretely a portmanteau? the words secret and discretely? very chic

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:07 | 1837136 Benzass Miphist
Benzass Miphist's picture

More likely intended as secrete. Picture the purulent ooze emanating from ben's anal glands.

Very strong resemblance to $USD.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:49 | 1837054 Monedas
Monedas's picture

Can Mugabe get one of these roller printers ? No, he's too busy with Corrective Rape, Necklacing Parties and Genital Mutilation ! Monedas 2011 In comparison.....lynching seems humane !

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:50 | 1837057 Taterboy
Taterboy's picture

New model Heildelburg for Benie. It's called the Hindenburg QE 3.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:50 | 1837063 Christoph830
Christoph830's picture

The Doomsday Machine in all its glory...

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:51 | 1837069 monopoly
monopoly's picture

And it just goes on and on and on....until it stops.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:54 | 1837097 bernorange
bernorange's picture

We must not allow a high speed printing gap!  /joke

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 11:57 | 1837116 Cone of Uncertainty
Cone of Uncertainty's picture

Bernanke already has a 3d currency printing machine, whereby stacks and stacks of newly minted benjamins can be produced with the touch of a button.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:01 | 1837130 earnyermoney
earnyermoney's picture

Should outsource this work to North Korea. I've heard they produce high quality FRNs.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:02 | 1837132 Astute Investor
Astute Investor's picture

I remember the History Channel showing a program at the end of 1999 featuring the greatest inventions of the millennium.  #1 on the list -  the printing press by Johanes Gutenberg in 1450.  Certainly the Ben Bernanke concurs.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:04 | 1837138 stuartbushcraftblog
stuartbushcraftblog's picture

Bernie does his printing on the back of a Hooters napkin.


"I owes uz a bagillion dollars hic!"

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:15 | 1837174 steelrules
steelrules's picture

Be ready to be paid every hour.

I got into Silver at $7.00 but that's just bragging now.

Time line

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:22 | 1837218 Agent P
Agent P's picture

Careful Ben...those printers may seem like a good deal now, but Heidelberg-Packard will fuck you on the toner.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:21 | 1837219 stant
stant's picture

does it come with free usb cord?

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:32 | 1837270 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

It does, however, it's labeled, "For Primary Dealer Use Only".

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:26 | 1837235 Randall Cabot
Randall Cabot's picture

Minister Farrakhan Gives Ron Paul A Thumbs Up     






Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:29 | 1837255 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

We established a foreground color palette that is silver, conveying high quality,...



How ironic that the choice color of the Heidelberg fiat VomiTron 80 is....silver

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:30 | 1837258 OffShorewHore
OffShorewHore's picture

Fuck it, couldnt' figure out what to tell my wife to get me for christ-- maas, so i'll just tell her get me one of them.

Think she'll mind??

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:35 | 1837275 Ponzi Unit
Ponzi Unit's picture

In the 1980s, Bolivia's largest import was its own currency. Maybe we will match that. It's good to have a goal.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:34 | 1837277 New American Re...
New American Revolution's picture

But can they print the comics?

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:36 | 1837292 Piranhanoia
Piranhanoia's picture

Forget we said anything about it until we are finished printing Deutsche Marks.  Scheise.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 12:59 | 1837436 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

The printing press has been around since 1440.  If printing money is the solution to our problems, after 571 years, how come we aren't all rich, prosperous and dallying around our heated outside pools?  Me wants to know!

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 13:04 | 1837454 PulauHantu29
PulauHantu29's picture


Wed, 11/02/2011 - 13:19 | 1837523 Golden Receiver
Golden Receiver's picture

I love the smell of ink in the morning. Seriously, I do.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 13:26 | 1837556 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

Damn that Gutenberg guy.  He's responsible for all the fiat currencies.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 13:33 | 1837589 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

He rollingbearings! Did you supply the bearings on that machine? :)

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 14:22 | 1837800 eurogold
eurogold's picture

Hopefully Heidelberg had the sense to demand payment for the machinery in Gold.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 14:55 | 1838029 Blue Dingo
Blue Dingo's picture

Made in Germany, you know the Germans make good stuff, like the Shamwow.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 15:24 | 1838177 Demonoid
Demonoid's picture

Can I haz Heidelburger?

Why YES YOU CAN! And you can keep printing until you've used up all nine lives.

Wed, 11/02/2011 - 15:28 | 1838198 gwar5
gwar5's picture

And they're in Europe, much closer to the immediate demand.



Wed, 11/02/2011 - 16:20 | 1838447 Poor Grogman
Poor Grogman's picture

Cmon guys I'm not feeling the love for the ponzi on this site.

The sheeple love free money yaaaayyy

There will be dancing in the streets when the heli drop begins....


Wed, 11/02/2011 - 18:53 | 1839048 cristo
cristo's picture

this is a great printing set up all the bearings are sealed so you don't need any greece

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