Here Is What Bernanke Has Been Secretely Ordering From Heidelberg

Tyler Durden's picture

Presenting... The Heidelberg: Mainstream 80, Web-fed Rotary Printer


And from the all too appropriate description, highlights ours:

Power Printing


Design Challenge: To create a strategic design system for Heidelberg and its large number of recently acquired companies. This expansion of the parent brand required strategic design to integrate and express the brand in all possible products from desktop to newspaper press printing.


To redesign Heidelberg's current line of mix-matched products into an integrated system of printing presses that would reflect the high quality of the brand, and the press technology itself and specifically, appeal to the American market.


We established a foreground color palette that is silver, conveying high quality, similar to what is used in high-tech products. We kept the background, interior colors dark for practical reasons, cleaning needs and durability.


These enormous, complex machines are assembled by hand so that no two installations are the same. It is an assembly of thousands of parts and sub assemblies. Our designs are modular and, continuing the architectural design language theme, carry an intuitive conceptual "erector set" assemblage.


The designs have unified Heidelberg's systems as well as reinvigorated their teams with a renewed sense of pride.

Source: DesignworksUSA

h/t Hedgeless Horseman

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mfoste1's picture

who is john galt?

HoofHearted's picture

Bennie and the Inkjets are actually ordering 310 million of them. No more need for food stamps then. He gets the bulk discount, and he just might get free shipping to each of us also.

Nascent_Variable's picture

Good thing they're getting the bulk discount.  I'd hate to think the central planners are wasting taxpayer money.

gmrpeabody's picture

All your ink are belong to us.....

fuu's picture

He'll make it rain for sure now!

MrBoompi's picture

The Fed is using 9.7 TONS OF INK PER DAY printing money.

FEDbuster's picture

Bureau of Engraving and Printing still "prints" the currency for the FED.  The FED does it's real printing with the "magic" computer (custom titanium zero key on the keyboard).  I am not sure, if the Treasury still has to print the bonds they sell, it may have gone all electronic, too.  The push is to phase out paper money, and use electronic transfers for the majority of transactions.  The fly in the ointment with that plan is the overseas use of the dollar as currency (hell Ecuador's whole country operates on US currency, fools).  

Heidelberg should protect it's future by investing in the manufacture of ore crushing and refining equipment for the once and future money, silver and gold.

LeonardoFibonacci's picture

Ben "Shylock" Bernank,  a pound of flesh will be required of you just above your heart!  Oups forgot you don't have a heart....

slewie the pi-rat's picture


hey, mr_p!

here is the guy who designed the web-based app:not>do-chen

Pladizow's picture

Bernanke could save a bundle if he signed up for Staples Rewards!

"That was easy!"

And if you click on the pictures you'll see the printers are made by BMW.

Does this make the printer, "The Ultimate Printing Machine"?

Buckaroo Banzai's picture


optimator's picture

One outstanding feature put Heidleberg on top decades ago and what they're called says it all.

Heidleberg High Spreed Printing Press.

pavman's picture

What a crazy new world we're living in... HP getting out of the PC business as the only quality player left and BMW getting *into* the printing business.  Let's just hope the printers aren't as cheap as some of the plastic components they use in their automobiles!

Troll Magnet's picture

Their plastic components are pretty decent, actually.  It's their goddamned electric engineering that leaves a lot to be desired.  Goddamn windows, sunroofs and sometimes even the AC buttons malfunction.  Great driving machine otherwise.

krispkritter's picture

BMW= Bernanke's Monetization Weapon...

monkeys.pick.bottoms's picture

deleted; I can't be original any more:D

ps John Galt is alive

knukles's picture

So is Hunter Thompson.  We're merely characters in his new book, "Fear and Loathing at the End."

DosZap's picture

who is john galt?

At this point appears to be Walter Mitty.

maxw3st's picture

It's that newspaper model Bernanke has his eyes on. He's getting one for Geithner for Christmas.

smithcreek's picture

Not the toilet paper version?

CrimsonAvenger's picture

So nobody's getting Timmy a cock punch? He's been begging for one for as long as I can remember.

Ancona's picture

Fuck yeah! High speed printing, it's what every central banker wants for Christmas a winter season gift.

Carlyle Groupie's picture

Catch me if you can says Bennie.

High Plains Drifter's picture

hell, he can't even get a decent corn beef sandwich in heidelberg.........

knukles's picture

Well I can't one in California either so we're even.  That get me a printer and a cock punch? 

bania's picture

I guess this will replace dot-matrix?

GoinFawr's picture

Benny is oozing the what now?

High Plains Drifter's picture

Kondratieff Winter  anyone?

Roland99's picture

The only place to buy the ink cartridges is at Staples. And they're *never* on sale!

SilverIsKing's picture

Bennie can return each old ink cartridge for $2 in Staples Rewards.  He can then use the Staples Rewards to buy additional ink cartridges.  If he needs more paper, he can go get giant packages of Charmin at Costco.

Robot Traders Mom's picture

The guy that Americans don't deserve.

SheepDog-One's picture

Yea they really do deserve whats coming.

Chuck Norris's picture

Agreed.  But unfortunately I'm one of "they".  Sigh.

km4's picture

Must print $$$ faster

Dr. Engali's picture

Ben: Beautiful piece of art work . I'll take three.

uhb's picture

german craftsmanship....makes me proud :)

Dr. Engali's picture

That is why I drive a BMW. It's like driving a piece of art.

Shinjuku's picture

Me, too

Deutsche Wertarbeit at its finest!

Taint Boil's picture

Some of the best tooling I have ever seen is German. I use to work on a Heidelberg Press when I was in my 20's. An awesome piece of equipment - very fast.



dirtydroog's picture

He should be ordering RepRap printing machines. Then he can print machines that print machines and then who knows!

knukles's picture

Could just mimeograph the shit for all it's worth.

Parisnights's picture

Goes to show you... the printing will not stop until morale improves. 

docmac324's picture

Boy-oh-boy, here we go, again.  Why don't they just add zeros to their electonic databases?  Same difference.

uhb's picture

because the german gdp doesnt go up then

No One's picture

does this bad boy use HP Ink, or did the Bernank also get fed up with HP's lack of direction?