How Is Jon Corzine Doing? Ask Him Yourself

Tyler Durden's picture


The "Honorable" Jon Corzine may have prudently disappeared form the face of the earth, but that doesn't mean he is not accessible. In fact, in the parlance of our Bloomberg times, he is "Green" and anyone out there with a terminal can have a live Q&A with the former head of MF Global and Goldman Sachs.

h/t fiatcurrency

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Thu, 08/09/2012 - 09:45 | 2690755 diogeneslaertius
diogeneslaertius's picture

a winrar is you

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 09:49 | 2690777 Colombian Gringo
Colombian Gringo's picture

Hey John,


when you finally end up in prison, expect a name change. Everyone inside will call you 'bitch'.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 09:54 | 2690807 malikai
malikai's picture

He won't make it to prison. For him, it's either the high life, or it's the angry mob.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 13:08 | 2691554 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

He'll live the high life in prison...he be smoking cigars every day!  Jailhouse cigars that is....and I think his new name will be 'BOB', for Bend Over Bitch!

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 10:01 | 2690808 emersonreturn
emersonreturn's picture

a friend, a lawyer, when i used the word Goof to describe someone, gave me the prison meaning of the label, a word i won't use again...except in this instance.  Jon, you wil be and are a Goof.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 13:10 | 2691563 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

I watched a trailer for a new hockey show in was hilarious...during the show they talked about something called an "angry dragon" and suggested that anyone who was curious should google the term.  I did and it was nuts...I think Corzine might be the new 'Angry Dragon' once he inhabits general population.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 12:05 | 2691369 aint no fortuna...
aint no fortunate son's picture

Jon, you suck dog balls

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 11:26 | 2691216 quintago
quintago's picture

Enjoy it while you can. That is, being able to hear your own farts.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 09:46 | 2690762 sdmjake
sdmjake's picture

Dear John,



Thu, 08/09/2012 - 09:46 | 2690763 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

"See you at the gallow's end."

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 09:47 | 2690767 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

If only, "markets" would rally 100 points easy.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 10:05 | 2690867 EscapeKey
EscapeKey's picture

On the contrary, they would drop 99%.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 09:46 | 2690765 RacerX
RacerX's picture

Hello Neo.

Knock knock..

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 09:47 | 2690766 Sam Malone
Sam Malone's picture

Thought this was gonna link to a Reddit AMA...

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 09:47 | 2690769 govttrader
govttrader's picture

His user profile is is he using the free account when between jobs?

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 09:50 | 2690780 Aziz
Aziz's picture

Dear Mr Honorable Jon Corzine,

I am Crown Prince Abdulwaleed Mohammed bin Aziz of Nigeria. I need your assistance in retrieving $16 billion of money that I earned through oil transactions. This money was earned legally and with honor, however, as I am sure you can understand some of the Western authorities are claiming totally erroneously that I stole it. As you are a decent and honorable member of the civilization, I am sure you will be willing to help me complete this transaction, and so help free my people from under the heel of Western oppression.

The way this will work is this. I need to pay a processing fee to release the funds. I need you to send me $5 million by Western Union, upon which funds of $16 billion will be released to you. I would like you to deposit this money into my UBS account. You will be allowed to keep $1 billion for your trouble.

Thank you most sincerely,

Crown Prince Abdulwaleed Mohammed bin Aziz

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 09:51 | 2690791 Rahm
Rahm's picture


Thu, 08/09/2012 - 11:12 | 2691157 monkeyboy
monkeyboy's picture

Straight up I was just going to ask Jon for some monies, but I like your approach way better Prince. So fresh.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 13:11 | 2691566 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture


Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:00 | 2692601 FreudianSlip
FreudianSlip's picture

Excellent, except you gotta pay 20% for the wash, try $3.2B for his trouble (and maybe a % of the biz or at least sit on their board).

Tue, 08/14/2012 - 00:15 | 2703011 Freddie
Freddie's picture

Thank you most sincerely,

Crown Prince Abdulwaleed Mohammed bin Aziz

Jamie Dimon's alias.


Thu, 08/09/2012 - 09:50 | 2690782 Meesohaawnee
Meesohaawnee's picture

Dear Jon. Can i write you a check care of the obama campaign fund? I heard a rumor there are get out of jail free cards there.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 13:12 | 2691570 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

Anyone want to make a bet that if Obama loses he pardons Rezko?

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 09:50 | 2690784 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

It should say HoBroken

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 09:53 | 2690798 Yellowhoard
Yellowhoard's picture

Dear Jon,

I know this may seem corny, and perhaps a bit old fashioned, but could you do me and America a big solid and stick a gun in your mouth and squeeze the trigger?

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 09:53 | 2690800 Rastadamus
Rastadamus's picture

Corzine 2016

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 09:55 | 2690811 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

Gambling Jon, why go to Vegas when you can gamble from your mansion daily.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 09:56 | 2690819 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture



Dear Mr. Corzine,

I have a diesel powered wood chipper with dull blades not working properly.  Could you stop and try to fix it for me?  Just a brief climb into it (feet first of course) is all that's required.  Heck, I'll even give you a beer first.  Stop by anytime soon.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 09:58 | 2690820 firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

Corzine has a terminal under the Oval Office desk?


Jon, do you cup the balls while blowing BHO?

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 20:04 | 2692619 FreudianSlip
FreudianSlip's picture

You got it backwards.  Knowing where the offshore BHO accounts are makes Jon the man to please.  There's billions of reasons why nobody bothers Jon.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 09:59 | 2690834 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture


Thu, 08/09/2012 - 11:41 | 2691278 Problem Is
Problem Is's picture

The Corz:

Bennie Bernanke's bald, bearded brother...

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 10:01 | 2690840 Cult_of_Reason
Cult_of_Reason's picture

Free Corzine!

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 16:23 | 2692127 forexskin
forexskin's picture

preferably alone in a field somewhere with a few hours public notice.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 10:01 | 2690845 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

Alternate headline: Zerohedge Goes Anonymous and Doxxes Douchebag.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 10:02 | 2690846 ouchtouch
ouchtouch's picture

Jon, I can't believe you're still in the U.S.  Don't you know that YOU'RE THE OCTOBER SURPRISE?!  (Maybe the September Surprise if things get too hot for the president.)

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 11:30 | 2691235 toomanyfakecons...
toomanyfakeconservatives's picture

You must be referring to the looming MASS ARRESTS, the dissolution of the FED, and the swift justice that awaits the traitors and thei henchmen...

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 10:11 | 2690870 Big Corked Boots
Big Corked Boots's picture

Hey Jon-boy, still bangin' Carla?


Thu, 08/09/2012 - 10:09 | 2690873 Big Corked Boots
Big Corked Boots's picture

(in the voice of the Chef, yelling "never get out of the boat")

Never click twice. NEVER click twice! 

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 10:08 | 2690875 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Dear Jon

I have a sizable donation for the Obama campaign that I would like to give to you personally. Please let me know a time that is good for you and I will secure a quiet and discrete meeting place.

I look forward to your response

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 10:09 | 2690881 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Dear Jon,

Have you considered suicide? While it seems a bit harsh, it's nothing compared to what the angry mob has in store for you. I'm just trying to help.

Sincerely, Vito

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 12:51 | 2691213 toomanyfakecons...
toomanyfakeconservatives's picture

How about a speedy public trial with judges and juries comprised of out-of-work WalMart greeters?

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 10:11 | 2690888 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 Hey John,

  When are going to add "Escape-Artist" to your "Linked in" profile?

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 10:14 | 2690905 dwdollar
dwdollar's picture

He's probably blown through his loot already. Sorry, but he's just too busy setting up a new con job to talk to anyone.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 10:18 | 2690930 Blopper
Blopper's picture


Thu, 08/09/2012 - 10:19 | 2690934 stock trout
stock trout's picture


I have a loft in which you can escape from the world and enjoy the beach nearby and a Starbucks is just down the road. You will have cable tv, wifi, and all the potato chips you can eat. You can use my bicycle too.

Rent is $100,000 per month.

As a side benefit, I will write comments on ZH in support of you. I will pretend to be your BFF.


Thu, 08/09/2012 - 12:01 | 2691353 stock trout
stock trout's picture

Never mind. You failed a criminal background and credit check.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 10:22 | 2690949 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

So now we know who has been buy Spanish and Italian notes.

Thu, 08/09/2012 - 10:33 | 2690979 Satan
Satan's picture

Can you tell Lloyd Friday's no good for me.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!