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This Is How To Kill JPM's CIO Operation

Tyler Durden's picture


While JPM may or may not have succeeded in burying its deeply humiliating CIO fiasco at the expense of two things: i) a loss of up to 25% in recurring net income and ii) Jamie Dimon proudly throwing numerous of his key traders under the regulatory bus as scapegoats because it took the firm until July 12 to realize that its entire CDS book was criminally mismarked, thus confirming a "weakness in internal controls" (a statement not only we, but Bloomberg's Jonathan Weil vomits all over), the truth is that one way or another, Jamie Dimon will find a way to reposition his prop trading book somewhere else, even if it means far smaller and less obtrusive profits for the next several years. Yet there is a way to virtually make sure that Jamie Dimon is never allowed to trade as a hedge fund ever again, and in the process risk insolvency and yet another taxpayer bailout. Ironically, it is JPMorgan itself that tells everyone precisely what it is.

As the firm presents in Earnings Presentation statement Appendix, which succinctly summarizes the firm's balance sheet, all the CIO/Treasury group is, is merely an conduit to allocate excess liabilities, which in the case of JPMorgan simply means deposit cash, and use these to generate shareholder returns.

A quick glance at the chart above shows that when it comes to traditional banking aspects, there is a roughly $400 billion mismatch between traditional liabilities (Deposits, which amount to $1,116 billion), and assets (Loans, which are $693 billion). The balance of the balance sheet consists of various shadow bank transformation operations, whereby $982 billion in shadow liabilities (yes, there is a reason why we say that rehypothecated, unregulated, and uninflationary-until-replaced-with-deposits Shadow liabilities are just as important as deposits in the grand scheme of things when it comes to funding matched ROA) fund $965 billion in shadow bank asset operations (including reverse repos, Prime Broker ops, trading assets, LOB cash and other).

As such the (appropriately colored) gray-colored boxes in the asset and liability side can be netted out, and all that remains is the traditional liability-asset mismatch, which also includes a roughly $150 billion excess in equity over goodwill.

The net result is that there is $522 billion in excess assets over traditional reserve-funded liabilities (recall there is $1.55 trillion or so in excess reserves, which disturbingly for the Fed is rapidly declining), that the firm can play around with. And instead of lending these assets out, which is what the Fed and politicians would like, JPM is merely engaging in a shadow transformation here as well, and using deposit cash to put a "delta-hedged" position to overall firm risk, which "somehow" ends up amplifying the firm's risk.

What does all this mumbo-jumbo mean, one may ask?

Simple: if it wasn't for $423 billion in excess deposits over loans, JPM would not engage in any CIO/Treasury like operations.

It also means that instead of waiting for regulators to do the right thing and curb JPM from taking on high risk positions in order to reward shareholders and management using deposit cash, knowing full well that in a worst-case scenario the Fed will have no choice but to once again use taxpayer cash to bail out the firm (that whole "heads I win, tails you lose" saying), it is in everyone's hands to make it so that the firm never again engages in this high-risk behavior.


Pull one's cash deposits with JPM. $423 billion to be exact.

And no more JPMorgan internal hedge fund, and no more risk of spectacular LTCM-like blow up.



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Sat, 07/14/2012 - 12:28 | 2615801 GOLDTEETHSILVER...

Follow the yellow brick road...

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 12:37 | 2615823 SheepRevolution
SheepRevolution's picture

Pity no one killed J.P. Morgan back in his days though..

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:07 | 2615914 Not Too Important
Not Too Important's picture

He worked for a certain global bloodline back then. Wouldn't have done any good.


Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:16 | 2615931 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

His descendents still too NTI. Nothing has really changed. At all.

Same shit, different century...



Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:36 | 2616020 Precious
Precious's picture

Wait a minute.  This is exactly how Bernanke, Paulson and Geithner planned it. 

Hold on.  My table at the Four Seasons is ready ...

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 16:06 | 2616282 smlbizman
smlbizman's picture

ot , but not really....just heard from a friend that works at bac corporate offices in hunt valley md. they just received letters that  their jobs are being terminated by nov....according to the letter some will/may be offered buy outs but she said the atmosphere is more like they are trying to get them to quit......dont know anymore than this right now....but will update ...i will try to get letter if she will give...

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 16:26 | 2616310 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

Too bad the Titanic didn't take enough of those banksters down with her...

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 18:18 | 2616447 old naughty
old naughty's picture

How many bansters among the 1,500+ lost souls? "...You can brush it off calling it collateral damages...

if it wasn't for $423 billion in excess deposits..." points finger also to regular folks, a.k.a. muppets, no?

We are all sharing the responsibilities, for turning a blind eye for so long?

The economic and political (perhaps even social) systems are so rigged, you wonder what can be done about it...



Sat, 07/14/2012 - 16:33 | 2616317 Freddie
Freddie's picture

JP Morgan Chase also contains that demonic familiy's other American agent.   Chase as in JP Morgan Chase is the Rockefellers.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:36 | 2615985 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

The obituary only read "he died peacefully in his sleep" the coast of Dalmatia I believe.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:07 | 2616056's picture

Well then let's see a hundred and one Dalmatians.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 15:44 | 2616182 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

On May 18, 2012 I posted the following:
"Fair value accounting on Level 3 assets is an inexact endeavour which leaves the banks much room for, shall we say, creative price discovery.

At the end of Q1 2012, the Level 3 assets as a % of total assets of the 6 largest bank holding companies were as follows:

JPM  4.7%    BAC  2.1%   C 3.5%   WFC 3.9%   GS  5.0%   MS  3.8%

However, their Level 3 assets as a percent of total assets at fair value were:

JPM  12.0%    BAC  6.3%   C 8.6%   WFC 14.9%   GS  7.2%   MS  9.3%

The higher the percentage of Level 3 assets to total assets implies that there is a greater risk associated with the bank.  With that in mind, GS and JPM have some serious problems lurking..."

In 2010 Konstantin Milbradt of the Sloan School at MIT published the following study called "Booking Profits and Concealing Losses". It does an excellent job of explaining what is occurring in JPM's CIO department. It is technical in some areas but the narrative is quite compelling. I urge you to read it to help understand the "false pricing" of derivatives which all major banks are guilty of.

Here is an excerpt:

"Anecdotal evidence suggests that some assets were actively kept off markets in order to obstruct price discovery and thus avoid adverse balance sheet impact.2 Given the accounting flexibility that comes with the Level 3 category, institutions continue to list these assets on their books at inflated values."

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 17:40 | 2616403 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

Are you saying banking does not even exist in the USA?

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 22:51 | 2616713 illyia
illyia's picture

Alaric Balth - very fine avatar.

Sun, 07/15/2012 - 00:58 | 2616738 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

Thanks. I have delusions of grandeur. :-)

Sun, 07/15/2012 - 01:00 | 2616878 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

Double post. My bad.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 15:29 | 2616223 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

What if it really was a murder?

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 21:30 | 2616620 Imminent Collapse
Imminent Collapse's picture

Dalmatia? Is that a UB reference?

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 22:52 | 2616718 illyia
illyia's picture

No. That is Dalamatia... but I have often wondered myself...

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 15:40 | 2616242 Silver Bug
Silver Bug's picture

JPM is going to blow itself up eventually. It is just a matter of time.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 18:26 | 2616459 RECISION
RECISION's picture

However, seeing how these mongrels never use their own money, but always some-one else's, then they are going to blow up everyone else first aren't they.

By the time they eventually blow up too, well - that doesn't really help us does it.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 21:13 | 2616608 goldfish1
goldfish1's picture

Life gets wasted waiting.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:05 | 2615904 BanksterSlayer
BanksterSlayer's picture

... while wearing Silver Shoes.

Bill Still's "Secret Of OZ"

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 17:59 | 2616422 Freewheelin Franklin
Freewheelin Franklin's picture

Neo-Greenbackers? Thanks, but no thanks. Eliminate legal tender laws and let the markets (read:consumers) decide. Lincoln's greenback scheme only worked because of legal tender laws, and a national income tax that was only payable in legal tender.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 22:49 | 2616093 vast-dom
vast-dom's picture

"Pull one's cash deposits with JPM. $423 billion to be exact." 

Sorry that WILL NOT WORK. Bernank will pump money in and they'll rehypothecate a few of Dimon's personal millions into some shadow perv multiplier right back up to the 400billions and then some. You just can't win until they are shut down.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 12:28 | 2615802 Muppet of the U...
Muppet of the Universe's picture



Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:32 | 2615974 jazze
jazze's picture

Can someone please explain to a layman how the shadow banking liabilties are an inflation buffer in the grand scheme of things?


Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:39 | 2615991 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

Good question. I would surmise "because the bank would collapse should the losses be realized." but this is only a guess.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:24 | 2616091 RockyRacoon
Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:41 | 2616135 worbsid
worbsid's picture

DV, that is correct.  Remember the loan insurance (CDS etc) that makes shadow banking possible depends on the insurer being viable for the insurance debt it sold.  This is like me (a poor stiff) selling loan insurance to millions of companies real cheap. Their books show 100% loan coverage.  It is OK until one  loan fails and I don't have the cash to cover the claim. Then the whole thing collapses.  That was the concern for TARP and other bailouts.  If just one fails, the whole house of cards comes down i.e. book value that doesn't exist.    

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 16:46 | 2616330 Freddie
Freddie's picture

It is so sick that this new "capitalism" means these scum companies that are friends of the "state" can lose endless amounts of money by gambling and corruption.  They just get more money from taxpayers by govt theft at the barrel of a gun and badge.


Obama is hiring 16,000 IRS agents to make sure you are patriotic and pay your fair share.

Sun, 07/15/2012 - 17:17 | 2618402 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

"Obama hiring 16,000 IRS agents..."


winger humor, lol.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 17:50 | 2616408 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

All right fine. "I have no money but I'm on the hook for...185 billion." since the problem is with..."an insurance company"...I as..."the guy with one dollar" is given...ahem.. "185 billion." sounds good...what's the problem?

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 17:51 | 2616413 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

And you may call me "Uncle Salami" as a consequence!

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 20:56 | 2616591 prodigious_idea
prodigious_idea's picture

Wasn't that the primary rationalization for saving AIG?

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 22:55 | 2616723 illyia
illyia's picture


Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:28 | 2616102 riley martini
riley martini's picture

 Liabilities money owed would use up the reserves so the money should not enter the real economy; production consuption . Thats my take.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 17:54 | 2616418 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

No. You phuck this die.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 12:34 | 2615813 Tom Green Swedish
Tom Green Swedish's picture

I don't like to keep to much cash in any bank. Just in case I die I won't have to leave anything to anybody.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 12:36 | 2615819 monopoly
monopoly's picture

Gave up on these broken, corrupt banks with their scum CEOs a long time ago. Would not give these bastards one dollar of my money.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 12:48 | 2615851 Tom Green Swedish
Tom Green Swedish's picture

You dollar is actually a penny, soon to be a fraction of that. The 800 trillion dollar derivative market is more than you can comprehend.  The bankers will try to equal weight gold with currency but it will fail miserably.  You cannot make gold worth the same abount as all the money in the world.  As it stands the tennis ball court sized rock is worth 10 percent of the worlds assets.  What a Joke!

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:21 | 2615947 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

Yes, we can and it's been done in the past. The price of gold will rise to match all the outstanding credit & basemoney.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:41 | 2615998 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

Interest rates..........compound.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 16:55 | 2616344 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

My Great-grandfather had a 37 section cattle ranch in AZ. Kept his currency in gold and silver in strong boxes. He had several bankers try and convince him to hold his money in their banks which he scoffed and said "My family has always maintained their own accounts and never trusted banks. Well, in 1929 the banks imploded and they came to him asking for loans. He said "I'm a cattleman, which I do damn well. I'm not a banker, and apparently, neither are you".

As a kid, he tell us to never trust others with your money. Invest in what you know about, and never loan to people who talk too much. He died a wealthy man and his family benefits from his financial prowess. He always used to say "If you lose money make sure it is you who lost the money, never let someone else lose your money for you."

Smart man he was.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 17:00 | 2616350 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

My Great-grandfather had a 37 section cattle ranch in AZ. Kept his currency in gold and silver in strong boxes. He had several bankers try and convince him to hold his money in their banks which he scoffed and said "My family has always maintained their own accounts and never trusted banks. Well, in 1929 the banks imploded and they came to him asking for loans. He said "I'm a cattleman, which I do damn well. I'm not a banker, and apparently, neither are you".

As a kid, he'd tell us to never trust others with your money. Invest in what you know about, and never loan to people who talk too much. He died a wealthy man and his family benefits from his financial prowess. He always used to say "If you lose money make sure it is you who lost the money, never let someone else lose your money for you."

Smart man he was.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 18:14 | 2616443 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

Excellent double post. There's a scene in the movie Silverado where "the good guys" go to steal the money stolen from the Pioneers by the highway men. Having concocted a CRAZY scheme to get the money back the Pioneer who is with them demands the money back because he still doesn't trust them...and then is killed. Amazingly the "lock box" is still returned. Is that something your Grandfather would have done?

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 12:39 | 2615829 agent default
agent default's picture

And no Silver/Gold raids. I say go for it.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 12:43 | 2615840 Waterfallsparkles
Waterfallsparkles's picture

I have been accumulation a good amount of Cash in my checking account at the Bank, waiting to pay all of my Property Taxes.  Paid them all on line today.  Have to get the Cash out of my account.  At least I will not lose my Houses thru Tax Sale if the Bank goes belly up.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:06 | 2615905 Not Too Important
Not Too Important's picture

Until your property tax goes to 45%, which you can't pay, which means the county takes your house - or sells the debt, who then take your house. Coming to CA soon.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:20 | 2615942 ToNYC
ToNYC's picture

Can you say Ghost Town? Try thinking more than one move ahead, please.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:20 | 2615945 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

Try thinking 10 steps ahead. Ghost-town = great for sales to corporations to develop whatever they want having been rid of the poor people who could not pay. That IS the plan.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:25 | 2615961 ToNYC
ToNYC's picture

Not so fast! Got coolies? The plucked poor need to be underpaid and working or the rich don't eat. The more self-sufficient have the edge on the good life as always. Grow your own, and make hay while the sun shines.

Mon, 07/16/2012 - 19:48 | 2622254 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

There's no shortage of willing slaves so long as you can feed them, get them water and avoid an uprising. The rich are certainly prepared to eat and eat well without their slaves - there would simply be less of those rich doing so. Those rich know how to survive & thrive. They will never drop < x amount of riches but there could be much less than the current level of rich persons if there's a smaller number of poor to serve them.

Judging from the climate change it's already too late to make much hay.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:56 | 2616031 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

and imagine how cheap the sheeple will work when nobody has a home or a job. Oligarch's wet dream

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 17:25 | 2616384 Things that go bump
Things that go bump's picture

Until some plague comes along, as it always does.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 17:15 | 2616368 Hulk
Hulk's picture

At 45%, I put away my check book and take out my 3 oh 8. At that point, its time to rumble...

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 23:51 | 2616781 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

LOL!  Local Sheriff won't like Hulk when he's angry!

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:10 | 2615920 i-dog
i-dog's picture

You're an idiot!! Property Taxes are unconstitutional and, if you challenged them, you'd be allowed to skate. They'll let you go before they'll allow it to become public knowledge.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:19 | 2615943 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

No, they'll take the house free from you for doing that and you'll be homeless. If you want to stop paying property taxes, sell the house and LEAVE the country. Don't get it stolen from you free while you sit in jail.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:45 | 2616009 i-dog
i-dog's picture

They cannot tax a private house (but don't register a "licensed" business there...that changes the dynamic), so they can't "take" the house from you for an unconstitutional charge ... and they know it!

Do the research. Some sheep can actually read...Are you one of them?

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:54 | 2616161 worbsid
worbsid's picture

Please show scripture and verse and not some dumbass web site.  Also show previous court ruling that support your position.  Yes, I can read but most of what you are writing is fiction without reference.

The SCOTUS just said an obvious penalty is a tax and therfore legal. Do you think the SCOTUS will back some plan for anyone not to pay taxes?  Constitutional?, we are in the US with a "living" constitution which is fed by the eliet.  Get real please.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 15:09 | 2616192 i-dog
i-dog's picture

LOL ... Do your own research ... if you are the least bit interested in forcing adherence to the law, rather than licking boots. I've given you enough hints to start you off.

I guess the guy who said: "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink!" read some of the dumb comments on this board just once too often. I now think that I have, too. Sheeeesh.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 19:56 | 2616525 smiler03
smiler03's picture

Seeing as you know so much then why don't you sell this INVALUABLE information to people, or if you're charitable, pass this news on to millions of Americans for free.

Tens of millions of Americans paying property taxes, what fools! i-dog knows it all. 

Sun, 07/15/2012 - 00:23 | 2616827 i-dog
i-dog's picture

It's no secret. Others have done the work. Seek and ye shall find.

Your pathetic squawking from the nest, with your mouth wide open, screeching: "Feed me! Feed me!" is beneath contempt.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 15:37 | 2616235 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

The 16 th amendment does not allow personal income tax

either.SCOTUS has   held  this four times,

Are you paying the IRS ?

Legal depends on who is holding the gun.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 21:39 | 2616625 Imminent Collapse
Imminent Collapse's picture

Untrue. try it and write us from prison.

Sun, 07/15/2012 - 06:24 | 2616998 Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill's picture

Exactly my point.

Size does matter after all.

The SCOTUS rulings are post passage of the 16th. and are public record.

The Fed's have a bigger gun,therefore federal income tax is 'legal'.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 12:43 | 2615842 A Man without Q...
A Man without Qualities's picture

This is further evidence that the "problem" in the credit market is demand, not supply.  Given the wealth gap and the fact that wages are not going up, nor do people expect them to, there is no demand for credit.

People don't want to borrow in the hope their future incomes will be able to cover the debts and those with the money can't or don't want to spend it all, so are desperate to find somewhere to park it.  You can see this in the prices paid for exclusive art, yachts or houses in the Hamptons, zero real yields on Treasuries , while the other 80% scrape to get by.

There is nothing monetary policy can do to fix this.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:43 | 2616005 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

Not for lack of trying tho.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 12:48 | 2615852 vas deferens
vas deferens's picture

To many sheep, but wishful thinking. 

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 12:50 | 2615862 toady
toady's picture

The problem is dumb money. The 400 odd billion you want withdrawn from JPM is baby boomer 401k money. They are being told if they take it now the loss will ruin their retirement. ' give it time to recover! '

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:09 | 2615917 Not Too Important
Not Too Important's picture

Fukushima will somewhat negate the concept of 'retirement'.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:59 | 2616039 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

I can attest to that. I had about $400K in a Fidelity account going no where. When I called to withdraw it all, they gave me some big scare story about how I am making a big mistake. I said I was going to buy physical assets like gold, silver and a small piece of farm land. The jackoff actually told me I was making a big mistake and would regret it. I told him to DIAF.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 12:52 | 2615869 Segestan
Segestan's picture

Pointless, naive article. JPM is apart of a cabal that includes you're tax dollar.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:44 | 2616008 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

Absolutely true.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:37 | 2616030 Precious
Precious's picture


It doesn't matter where the sheep go.  They end up in the slaughterhouse one way or another.


Sat, 07/14/2012 - 12:52 | 2615873 onebir
onebir's picture

It's a miracle (probably wrong word) JPM and BoA (of "retail-depositors = human-shield for derivatives book") fame have any retail deposits left...



Sat, 07/14/2012 - 12:53 | 2615876 RobotTrader
RobotTrader's picture

One thing is for sure.  JPM has 9 lives, it always bounces back.


Here in L.A. they acquired hundreds of Washington Mutual branches back in 2007, many of which were located close together.

But that is not stopping them.

They are expanding all over town, building brand new, state of the art branches in the most expensive, most highly trafficked locations available.

Paying top dollar for locations such as:

- Torrance Blvd. and PCH, the busiest interestion in South Redondo Beach

- Manhattan Beach Blvd. and PCH, the busiest commercial intersection in Manhattan Beach.

And just last week, an investor group paid the highest price ever for a Chase branch location in Santa Monica, over $1,500/SF according to The Los Angeles Business Journal.  That price set a world record for a bank location in Los Angeles County, and the investor group paid all cash for the property. 

In a nutshell, investor confidence JPM is increasing, not decreasing, as everyone obviously "bought the dip" on Friday, basically shucking off the trading loss as a "one time, non-recurring event".

As usual, the Alpha Male PigMen on Wall St. are getting bigger, fatter, and even more 'too big to fail".

Nothing changes, nothing ever will.


Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:03 | 2615902 Not Too Important
Not Too Important's picture

You're absolutely right, RT. Except about 'nothing changes'. Fukushima will be the Great Equalizer. Give it a little time. The PigMen aren't immune to plutonium and uranium.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:56 | 2616162 Divine Wind
Divine Wind's picture



Ding Ding Ding Ding

'Not Too Important' Wins a bottle of single malt!

You are so very correct about the Fuku effect.

North America is downwind. The Left Coast is first in line. Behind them, the Sierra Nevada and Cascades.

If you remember your basic earth sciences, as weather systems move ashore, they rise in altitude and dump moisture in order to get over the range. Fuku fallout, as well as the other shit in the air, serve as condensation nuclei and quite a bit gets rained out.

Rained out on the Land of Fruits and Nuts (and municipal bankruptcies).

Men of the Left Coast, next time you are staring deep into the eyes of your svelte wonderful lady (or man, or LGBT domestic partner, primate pet, RealDoll or any other heretofore uncategorized special friend accepted as normal in your side of the country), gently asked them the following:


Will you glow old with me?



Sat, 07/14/2012 - 20:05 | 2616535 smiler03
smiler03's picture

Robo, I always enjoy your posts but this was particularly funny...

"That price set a world record for a bank location in Los Angeles County".

Oxymoron anybody?

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 22:10 | 2616659 Not Too Important
Not Too Important's picture

If anyone needs a nice color picture showing the radioactive fallout on the US and Canada:

This is where the bulk of the plutonium and uranium went. Anyone investing in the US better be a short-term holder.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:10 | 2615922 AssFire
AssFire's picture

They are expanding all over town, building brand new, state of the art branches in the most expensive, most highly trafficked locations available.

Do you not understand that most (if not all) of California's properties are still grossly overpriced and nothing is selling? Only a bloated entity flush with unearned cash would waste it on properties such as this. The old adage "location, location, location" does not apply when that prized location is on the topside of a floating turd just waiting on the flush. These properties like many of Fanny and Freddies will never reach their loan value unless or until we enter the hyper-inflation phase.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:25 | 2615959 Doña K
Doña K's picture

That expansion is based on survival not better business environment. They are competing for our deposits so that they can either leverage higher or increase deposits to come back to solvency someday.

It's almost when someone has so much credit card debt and knows that the end is near and resorts to more and more spending until the end. The collapse of Maddoff, MFGlobal, Pellegrine and others are good examples of companies doing the same. 

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:54 | 2616026 AssFire
AssFire's picture

The days of "if you build it they will come" are over. Just as the US will enjoy some investment from the currency battered Euro nations; JP Morgan will enjoy temporary investment from fleeing BOA and Morgan Stanley customers. I just don't see the point in expanding when you basically have the customers held captive.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 15:16 | 2616207 MillionDollarBoner_
MillionDollarBoner_'s picture

Remember: the band played on, even after the Titanic had hit the iceberg.

Appearances, old chap, appearances!

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:59 | 2616040 salvadordaly
salvadordaly's picture

I am looking for a job at the time (laid off, in the resurging economy). Looking at job postings all the time. I noticed all kinds of banks were hiring to fill all branch locations. I could not fiqure out why? Your comment makes some it a little more clear now!


Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:19 | 2616076 Tic tock
Tic tock's picture

they could be buying those properties from related entities,

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:10 | 2615923 iDealMeat
iDealMeat's picture

That was the first time I ever +1'd you.. Now I feel dirty and need to shower..


Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:17 | 2615935 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

I hate to agree with RobotTrader but until Jamie Dimon is in jail for all the stolen MF Global funds, the statement is correct.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:04 | 2616050 Precious
Precious's picture

The day Dimon goes to jail is the day Bernanke, Schumer, Geitner and Paulson go to jail.   Don't you get it yet?

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 17:34 | 2616395 Things that go bump
Things that go bump's picture

They may never go to jail, but I give them all a greater than 50% chance of meeting a violent and ugly death at the hands of Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy.  

Sun, 07/15/2012 - 00:28 | 2616837 iDealMeat
iDealMeat's picture

+1..  Muppets are out there...  And they're angry..


Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:20 | 2615946 FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

"one time, non-recurring event"... until the next time, and then the one after that... and after that... and after that...

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:46 | 2616015 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

And the headline read "JP Morgan causes market rally" in the paper today. Who says you can't live forever!

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:01 | 2616043 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

Acquired WaMu branches? LOL.

The only thing that never changes is your ability to reach new lows in stating things accurately

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:22 | 2616086 mendigo
mendigo's picture

For some time now corporations have had access to essentially infinite amounts of essencially free money with essentially no questions asked. So they are able to paper over any mistakes and pay extravagant sums etc but it is not so much because of thier success (although given unlimited resources one will get it right occasionally). As you note robo I see lots of shiney new branches being built with very light traffic and I wonder if they really want to be bothered handling physical fiat its so dirty. They are drowning in cash which is largely borrowed but I think the meaning of the term borrowed has changed - as for example the us will never freaking ever pay its debt and that's ok that is the status quo. It has never been about the stock but is about the flow. Like a wooden ship they leak all the time which is why you need people to bail. The 16 trillion is history the issue is now how long will it take to double and then quadruple that. We live in exciting times.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 12:58 | 2615885 q99x2
q99x2's picture

You can't do that they have my Food Stamp money!

Maybe the 423 billion is the Food Stamp money.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 21:25 | 2616614 Dburn
Dburn's picture

A little . Food Stamp program is about 50B a year. I presume that's funded on a monthly basis since Apple keeps more cash on it's balance sheets by 2x than our govt. It is highly suspect through. It's something one wouldn't see if interest rates were back to a basic 5% for money market accounts.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:01 | 2615890 Dead Canary
Dead Canary's picture

Have you ever talked to these people. It's maddening. I just remember the line Eli Wallach said about the poor peasants in The Magnificent Seven:

"If God hadn't intended them to be sheared, he wouldn't have made them sheep!"

Gold, bullets and beans. Let them starve.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:06 | 2615906 Tom Green Swedish
Tom Green Swedish's picture

We don't want to solve this the communist way.  We want to be capitalists.  We want everyone to work. Do not make them starve. Let them work.  Goddamnit this is America, where everybody goes to work and make a better live for themselves.  Whether its making shitty software or the newest crap medicine we can still do this.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:16 | 2615932 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

You're welcome to try. I'm thinking South America and Asia will be the sources of food and labour capital.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 17:43 | 2616405 Things that go bump
Things that go bump's picture

Screw that.  Taxpayer is a euphemism for serf and serf is a euphemism for slave.  We keep fighting this battle over and over again.  

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:06 | 2615908 paladin
paladin's picture

strange thing is I have been doing just that......removing my $$$$ from Chase

I am 60 days into is not moving alone as I though....

I need to start to withdraw 20 to 30K at a time


Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:14 | 2615913 sawman
sawman's picture

The French came up with a much better way of stopping these sociopaths on this day back in 1789. The day is coming when the masses will awake and the blades will be sharpened again. Happy Bastille day to all you French out there.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:31 | 2615938 i-dog
i-dog's picture

Unfortunately, and contrary to popular mythology, that little exercise was engineered by the power brokers to take down an "uncooperative" royal house (the Bourbons). As soon as they had been axed, the Jacobin power brokers began "The Terror" against the people.

We are about to witness a rematch ... and the same power brokers have all the plays worked out already.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:08 | 2615915 Tinky
Tinky's picture

OK, I'll withdraw my $700m early next week; who else is in?

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:17 | 2615933 FieldingMellish
FieldingMellish's picture

I think I still have $1.32 in my old Chase account, so I'm in. That makes two of us then...

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:21 | 2615951 i-dog
i-dog's picture

I wish I could join you, but I no longer keep more than just a few days spending money in a bank account (just enough to last until the next deposit is also cleared out).

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:47 | 2616017 Dead Canary
Dead Canary's picture

There is more you can do besides withdrawing your muny. I have a Chase credit card (among others). Maxed out on Silver. Soon, I will default. When the Ponzi scheme collapses, nobody is going to care about their credit rating.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:15 | 2616071's picture

I would neither undertake nor recommend such a course of action. But it is damned funny.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:48 | 2616149 Dead Canary
Dead Canary's picture

I WILL wait until things start unraveling.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 20:56 | 2616590 jimmytorpedo
jimmytorpedo's picture

sheesh, i've got 4.5 B in there

i'll take it out tomoorow

and buy family passes to walt disney world/land/euro

oh what the hell, make it half in euros and half in Thai bhat and Burmese kyat

no wait, shares in GS and donkeys

no wait, donkeys and butter

yeah, donkeys and butter, that's where my money is going

ummm, and ammo and uh, gold

and donkeys and butter

IF YOU NEED DONKEYS OR BUTTER, please free to contact me at 0hedge

sorry we don't take food stamps or fiat currency, ammo and gold only

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:16 | 2615916 DutchR
DutchR's picture

On a survival scale,


Air = Free

Water = Gold

Food = Silver

Barter = Everything


edit,  paper = paper (it will keep you warm)

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:09 | 2615918 XtraBullish
XtraBullish's picture

What exactly is up with all this Morgan-bashing drivel? Bankers are essentially "money-changers" and a very important man threw them all out of the temple a few thousand yeard ago. JPM is a business - period - and a really good business to own because they have survived the worst of meltdowns and continue to grow. Someone asked me a few days ago "Would you rather own JPM or give your money to the government?" to which I responded "JPM IS the government. I choose to do neither." Whether it is JPM or Goldman or Deuschebank or Barclay's, they are ALL money-changers and they all feed at the same putrid watering holes and gorge themselves on your cash balances by nickle-and-dime fees here and there. Just take your cash OUT of ALL banks and leave only monthly expenses there. Lowering the deposits won't lower the assets they fuck around with because the regulators will just increase the allowable leverage ratio. It is the crop destruction in the MidWest that is truly outrageous but curiously, to the north in the Canadian Prairies, lots of rain and sun is making for an incredible crop year for the Canuck farmers. Poor Yanks just can't buy a break these days...

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:26 | 2616094's picture

The money changers at the temple took Roman coins from worshipers in exchange for Hebrew coins. One was required to make a donation to the temple and Roman coins could not be used because they bore the faces of emperors who were considered to be gods. Jesus got mad at the money changers because he disapproved of the idea that one could live a Roman lifestyle during the week and then hypocritically act like a Jew on the sabbath by swapping coinage.


Jesus' message in the money changer story is the same as his message in the "render unto Caesar" story. He's saying that you can't live like a Roman and claim to be a good Jew. A modern equivalent would have Jesus destroying FRNs because one can't live a free and honest life while remaining tied to the beast by fiat money. Please note that Jesus' recommendations were rarely easy or convenient in the short term.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 17:55 | 2616420 Amraphel
Amraphel's picture

only partly correct. the 'hebrew' money was needed to buy the required sacrifices at the temple. not too big of a problem but for the fact the money changers were charging near the equivelent of 30 days wage for the privilege of the exchange. such a 'service charge' should make anyone angry.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 18:07 | 2616431's picture

Yes, they charged a premium. But I never heard of Jesus knocking over stalls because carpet remnants were marked up too high. The crucial point of the money changers story is as I stated above. Jesus' act is one that highlights a spiritual and social issue. The financial issue is secondary but because the miscreants are called "money changers" the casual reader tends to interpret the story as being primarily a condemnation of the profit motive.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:15 | 2615930 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

Dimon's already defending "building value for shareholders" until the market "finally prices in the value" when being asked about the CIO and if JPM will be split off into separate entities for retail banking and gambling / trading "investment" all by itself

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:17 | 2615934 Tom Green Swedish
Tom Green Swedish's picture

We are going forwards. The bankers have a free get out of jail card, because its not their fault its the Americans consumers fault, thats why the taxpayers are footing the bill. The American Taxpayer should have known better and never taken the loan from the bank.

Obama hired the Pay Czar to fix Wall Street Compensation. I believe he is doing a great job whatever it is he is doing.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:23 | 2615954 I am Jobe
I am Jobe's picture

He is swallowing period. Nothing new.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 21:19 | 2616612 Dburn
Dburn's picture

Taking on all comers

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:19 | 2615940 JLee2027
JLee2027's picture

Maybe they really don't have 423B in deposits. Who were the auditors - two guys named Excel and PhotoShop?

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:23 | 2615956 falak pema
falak pema's picture

You can try and bleed the beast by taking your money from them. But all that will provoke is for the FED to print to save them. They have said it openly. NO TBTF BANK WILL EVER GO BELLY UP. PERIOD.



I have a feeling that the Oligarchy will impose its rule to save the banks in Eurozone on Merkel/Draghi. 

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:22 | 2616085 slackrabbit
slackrabbit's picture

Yes, but pulling money forces them to print which forces gold and silver up, and that plus their silver shorts would cause a nice fireworks display.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:27 | 2615968 I am Jobe
I am Jobe's picture

Bend Over, here she comes


Clinton Arrives in Egypt to Push Transition to Democracy

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:41 | 2615999 Tom Green Swedish
Tom Green Swedish's picture

The Bush Clinton Royal Dynasty.  Queen Clinton's arrival will be well received among the Eqyptian peasants.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:33 | 2615979 tony bonn
tony bonn's picture

or if you want to see jpm ballistically trade its prop desk, pull gold from jpm......jim willie reports 20-40,000 tons of allocated gold has been stolen by the majors, of which jpm is lead of the gold market manipulation syndicate, to satisfy eastern gold purchases made from its arrogant naked short selling....

if the fucktards who think that they own gold ever wanted it, jpm would shit bricks bigger than its london whale fiasco.....

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:58 | 2616036 AgShaman
AgShaman's picture

It's all about the numbers. JPM would be easy to kill if you could get half the populace to climb onboard with the mission.

At the end of the day. The sheep want to be ruled over....and they accept their "stockholm syndrome" as a rite of passage into being accepted within the herd/flock.

Society was built for looks....and to promote the charade....soze millions of people could swipe their 'plast-eeks' and move in their narcissistic circles and "debt encouraging support groups".....feeling as if they were normal and appropriately developed earth beings.

If people knew the moniker/terms their slavemasters had for them....a denial/defense mechanism would shut out the truth...and they'd continue with the same childlike behavior of irresponsible living beyond their means, and telling themselves those few that are getting prepared by distancing themselves from the "construct" are the portion of society that are viewed as 'crazy preppers' and 'malcontents'.

Next year....when they are convinced to abandon those "soft" nicknames, by their MSM brainwashing overlords, they'll be perfectly fine with regarding the minority crowd as "domestic t*****ists". They will fully understand the "need" to take away from those that have prepared....and subject them to the same treatment as the rest of the herd.

The human ranchers never work that hard at gathering up the herd for the slaughter. The herd has been "programmed" to rope and wrangle the non-conformists into "getting with the program" (read: accepting your banker induced slavery).

Time for the non-conformists to bite back....and start calling their fellow Americans out for what most of them are....

It'll take a good bit of gumption to cause the effect without the eruption of violence....but it's way too late to continue with the sugar coating the intellectually lazy Americans are accustomed to....and they need to be made aware they are viewed as both primitive....and as cowards.

Pull all future funding....let the wilting begin at a faster pace.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:26 | 2616096 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Too busy eating Cheetos on the couch to get the ball rolling...

Guess I'll leave it up to you to lead the charge.

Are you in the news yet?

"Mad Sheep bites banker".

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:54 | 2616159 AgShaman
AgShaman's picture are the "primitives" I've been describing

...and yes, I'm already out there accusing my fellow Americans of being idiots

Your reading comprehension fails.....the bankers are a "protected" species.....

Save your "cheetos" comments for those blogs where the uninformed 'nitwits' may actually be impressed

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 20:21 | 2616556 smiler03
smiler03's picture

I think he/she was joking. Reading comprehension?

Sun, 07/15/2012 - 00:48 | 2616866 AgShaman
AgShaman's picture

My comprehension works fine. I just don't find jokes "copping" to lazy cowardice to be all that funny....but more annoying...

...and I find those comfortable with apologizing for such silly behavior to be even moreso....perhaps disgusting is the word.

I knew Zerohedge had grown weak....ironic since the need for people with strength is rather dire nowadays.

You should probably strap on yer kneepads and get back to complimenting Robotrader.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 13:59 | 2616037 Rainman
Rainman's picture

Mismarking assets is approved and encouraged by High Command in the interest of national security. Internal controls are whatever the playerz want them to be. See GM's IPO prospectus for further info on the disappearance of internal financial control processes. They don't even hide it !

It is okay to hate both the player and the game, but just remember that Mubarak fleeced Egypt for 30 years under emergency powers dictates. USA is only a decade into the game. 

It all needs to blow up to fix it...the final solution.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:14 | 2616045 alfred b.
alfred b.'s picture


   Tax-cheat Geithner and Heli-Ben have got bankster Dimon's back, so until they self-destruct in the great bonfire of the fiat currencies which is soon to appear on the horizon,  the best way to move forward is to turn in yr fiat for physical gold and silver! 


Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:02 | 2616046 BlackholeDivestment
BlackholeDivestment's picture

...divest from the black hole? Hmm. Now where have I heard that one? LMAO.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:06 | 2616054 MillionDollarBoner_
MillionDollarBoner_'s picture

When being raped in the ass...tensing will only make it more painful.

Relax and it will be over before you know it. Until the next time...

Alternatively - just stay the fuck away from the Funhouse!

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:08 | 2616058 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  You're exactly right Tyler! Dimon is on a " Head Hunter" mission to proxy his MOMO "prop desk"!

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:11 | 2616065 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Rob Kirby had a good interview by Max Keiser in the latest Keiser Report. He says that it is very apparent that the Bankers are attempting to take over the world. So my question is this: If world banking families are waging war against the world, which includes very powerful institutions not under their command, why isn't any government or corporation physically moving to take them out?

I think that at this time some entity somewhare is doing exactly that. It would not be reasonable to think otherwise. The opposition is rising fast.

My brother told me that the military police, at 6:30am on Pico Blvd, in the back of the white ford pickup, flanked by LAPD squad cars, on Thursday morning were probably headed to an LA occupy protest.

HUBRIS and the statue of Ozymandius. Idiots.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:30 | 2616106 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

They were going to grab up An Anonymous for shitting on the sidewalk again.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:33 | 2616113 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 What in the heck was your Brother doing, in Shitsville at that time?  Was he on his way back to U.S.C.?

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:13 | 2616067 paint it red ca...
paint it red call it hell's picture

Tradestation has customer accounts banked with JPM. I closed my Tradestation account just after corzine pulled his MFG shenanigan in which JPM was implicated without investigation to deny JPM my meager funds..

Here is a survey question, " what retail equity brokerage do ZH readers think is the most secure and (oxymoron when used in the same sentence as brokerage) ethically managed ". Temporarily i chose Think or Swim through TDAmeritrade, but i am not so sure it was such a good choice..

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:24 | 2616082 Rainman
Rainman's picture

I've done Schwab bank for many years ...they pay interest, albeit tiny, for checking and saving and no ATM fees no matter where you withdrawal. Schwab is very conservative....and at least they got the LIBOR ball rolling by suing a dozen TBTF banks....kind of like David vs. Goliaths, which appeals to me. My 2 cents for what it is worth. On the brokerage side you'll get the common ordinary pump monkey bullshit, but they play a fairly straight game ( so far ). 

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:32 | 2616111 slyhill
slyhill's picture

Did you hear what O said about Jon Corzine?

"I think most Americans figure if you are the chairman, CEO and president of a company, that you are responsible for what that company does."

Ooops, sorry. He was talking about Romney.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:37 | 2616121 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 Jon Corzine... That asshole is probably held up in a " Missile Silo" in Montana!  or in some " doomsday arc".  ]

  He's so ( whack a mole) when he surfaces!

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 14:58 | 2616167 The Fonz...befo...
The Fonz...before shark jump's picture

Haha slyhill +1 for that

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 15:02 | 2616174 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 Thanks (again) , for the Spirited debate last night.

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 15:25 | 2616143 MillionDollarBoner_
MillionDollarBoner_'s picture

I want to float an idea to whomever will give it some consideration and invite comments. I will post this a number of times, where it seems appropriate and in an honest bid to gain some traction; so apologies in advance to any who see it more than once and is offended. If moderators object - please let me know and I'll immediately desist.

It seems our particular (if not overall) problems have grown exponentially since 1971 when Nixon closed the gold window. Up until then, all fiat currencies were either directly or indirectly underwritten, to some extent, by gold. This is not to say that a gold-backed currency is the be-all and end-all, only that there is a "fit" between the two events; fiats going totally off the gold standard and a growing differential between the haves and have-nots. There are plenty of stats, articles and graphs which illustrate this and I trust most reading this will already be familiar.

So, cutting to the chase, how about this for a proposition? Forget gold standards. Forget outsourcing. Forget immigration. Forget race, colour, creed, status, background, political affiliation. Forget whatever bug-bear you personally are hunting. Focus on identifying a game-changer. Keep your eyes on the prize. Swallow the bile, no matter how bitter it tastes.


Remember: back then things were not nearly so bad. The little guy had a chance. If you worked hard and kept away from unsavoury characters, chances were you could "make it" and so could your kids. Not everything was on credit because you could save and afford to buy, cash on the barrelhead, once you had the money. Deposit accounts payed interest and capital formation was out of savings, not debt. Derivatives were a gleam in some moron's eye. Mortgages were helpful and property was affordable. People were generally less stressed and happier.

No doubt there have been some good laws passed since then but, for sure, there have been a lot of very bad ones too; and those bad laws enabled the bloodsuckers, cheats, liars, sociopaths and psychopaths. That's how we ended up where we are now. So, repeal all the laws, in toto, and the net result must be a plus.

Don't be partisan about this. Don't try to game it in your favour - that's what "they" expect you to do and that's why "they" always seem to win. Allow some sacred cows to be slaughtered. Take some hits "for the team". But keep your eyes on the prize.


What do you think? Too simplistic? Could do with some tweaking/fleshing out? Let's hear it.

After all - things can't get much worse...can they?

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 15:49 | 2616257 acetinker
acetinker's picture

As long as we're dreaming, how about 1871?

Sat, 07/14/2012 - 17:13 | 2616361 Conax
Conax's picture

I saw what you did there. That's good to name 1871, since the great crime of 1872/1873 hadn't stunk up the place yet.

Silver and gold were money until the vampires passed a 35 page coinage act against the silver.  The US Dollar is (by law) a specific amount of silver, yet those idiots allowed foreign interests (that brought a nice satchel of gold to Washington) to control the outcome of our legislation. Good old congress, selling their votes then just like today.

President Grant, in his eternal wisdom signed the bill without delay.

So he didn't get shot in the head.

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