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How Obama Got His Groove (And Rating) Back

Tyler Durden's picture




 

To think three years of soaring unemployment, central planning, political gridlock and relentless propaganda could have been fixed with just one well-timed punch...

Only in the The Onion...for now

 

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Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:42 | 1769126 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

Onion News Network has been ripping the shit out of Obama, and savaging Biden, since it aired.

 

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:56 | 1769205 Comay Mierda
Comay Mierda's picture

why would he punch one of his major donors?

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:59 | 1769214 Iriestx
Iriestx's picture

Why would he punch his owner and slave master?

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 10:04 | 1769238 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

Obama is too busy sucking off the banksters to be able to reach their face with a punch. 

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 10:23 | 1769331 DeadFred
DeadFred's picture

Besides, it's a left jab from a right hander. Just pretend, not meant to do damage.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 11:04 | 1769514 Foxinsox
Foxinsox's picture

Naw, obama is a southpaw. That's the real deal (No holyfield)

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 12:53 | 1770037 Papasmurf
Papasmurf's picture

true leftie

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 11:11 | 1769542 gball
gball's picture

Actually, Obama is a lefty...

 

Remember this one...

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fr0TIjPTs5w

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 10:24 | 1769339 SRV - ES339
SRV - ES339's picture

Never get in the way of a jilted lover... not!

President Obama's support for the bankers is typical GOP / TP propaganda. It was the Dems proposing (with the GOP fighting every step of the way) controls on the banks from the start (although you'd never know it reading ZH). "Occupy Wall Street" has simply cleared the air once and for all... the TP marginalized them and the Dems offered support... and the sheep finally saw the light!

It was time for the general public to wake up... lots of warts on the Progressive side, but they're looking like the bell of the ball beside the corporate sock puppets on the right... 9-9-9... what a joke! Of course the big question is... when (if ever) will the ZH comment crowd come around?

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 10:59 | 1769495 Bring the Gold
Bring the Gold's picture

Or more accurately BOTH parties are owned by the banks. The Dems just pretend to be populists economically and socially progressive while the Repubs protect the gilded class while holding up the social values of their base who is dumb enough to detach social values from actual freedom.

Dems tend to be a bit smarter being former middle class and some guilty rich folks, so their song and dance has to be a bit more complicated than the schlock shoved off on the Republican base. Either way the Dems and Repubs both serve the exact same master, its just a matter of who they are trying to trick. A bit easier to trick folks who love war, hate minorities, want to reject education, science and evolution than the Starbucks main stream soccer mom set who is mildly more bright and just wants to see her gay friends get married at any cost.

Both the evangelical mother of 10 and the soccer mother of 2.5 get bent over the barrel equally well by both parties. If you vote for either one in a presidential election (once the real people have been axed by the media and primaries) than you are voting for the bankers plain and simple.

P.S. if you ARE rich and vote for the Republicans well you are probably smart because they are somewhat in your corner, the same can't be said for poor/middle class voting for the Dems. Make no mistake though, unless you earn 9+ digits it won't matter who is in office from here on out. Just as the Dems once represented the poor and Middle Class so too the Repubs will abandon the lower and middle tier rich if they haven't already so don't think you are TOO smart if you vote Repub with 7 digits income.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 11:20 | 1769614 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

All differences are cosmetic and designed to obfuscate. Personally, I will no longer allow anyone to label me as "Left" or "Right" anymore.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 13:13 | 1770100 Ben Dover
Ben Dover's picture

You hit it on the head.

Effectively, both parties are the brainchildren of one ad agency or another (or maybe the same on in a synchronized campaign). They market to bases and fight to increase share.

It reminds me of the old Hertz vs Avis car rental fight - except in this case, Avis and Hertz would be owned by the same parent company.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 11:47 | 1769768 Blano
Blano's picture

Million Dollar Bonus has a twin??  Yikes.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 15:11 | 1770599 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

How long before the Obama bots take over the ZH comment section.

Wasn't the AOL-Huff-Post created for these mindless robots?

How many diatribes do we need to hear about giving your total salary to the state for the common good do we need to read.

I guess their are a lot of unemployed english lit majors out there such that they've gotten to the point of taking work for organizations like MoveOn.org and Acorn.

No need to spread your spiel on ZH, we're fully aware that the zombie socialist thugs in the "O" administration think everyone should give all their wealth to the state because they know so much better than everyone else how to "invest" it.

Solyandra here we come.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 15:21 | 1770657 weinerdog43
weinerdog43's picture

Pure Evil?  More like Pure Moron. 

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 12:27 | 1769934 Enceladus
Enceladus's picture

Propaganda...I think not. I'll be polite because I think in time you will come to see the light.

ZH is way way ahead of you. Its not right / left, black-white, nazi-heeb, arab-jew, spy vs. spy.

It's you vs. your inner sheeple. So get it right don't be left out. To be more to the point it is the shorn sheeple vs. TPTB and their endless need to for a manipulated riskless trade, who with their .gov minions rule your world.

So don't be a hater and get your facts straight. Oh and buy silver!!

http://www.zerohedge.com/news/two-political-parties-prices-1188644055

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 12:24 | 1769918 davepowers
davepowers's picture

Obama is too busy sucking off the banksters to be able to reach their face with a punch. 

 

--

that's why it's called a sucker punch

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:41 | 1769127 eigenvalue
eigenvalue's picture

He should have punched the bankster in the gonads:)

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:44 | 1769146 Falcon15
Falcon15's picture

He clocked the guy in the ass...er, um, face. Close enough.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:53 | 1769193 I am more equal...
I am more equal than others's picture

To complete that task he would have had to punch himself in the jaw.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:42 | 1769129 Fips_OnTheSpot
Fips_OnTheSpot's picture

Thanks for the laugh!

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:49 | 1769174 MFL8240
MFL8240's picture

And....after the punch he went down on him.  More like how the story line would read.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:42 | 1769132 Bodhi
Bodhi's picture

Puppets can't move their arms unless the guy with the hand up their butt wants to.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:50 | 1769134 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

UFC style with Liza Warren watching! My hero...

... but you know he's desperate for approval so it's nice to see The Onion planting seeds.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:43 | 1769136 Catullus
Catullus's picture

"His falling credibility is his biggest asset." -- Jamie Dimon

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:48 | 1769167 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

+1

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 10:39 | 1769426 Agent P
Agent P's picture

Comment of the Year!

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:43 | 1769139 bania
bania's picture

A left hook we can believe in

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:43 | 1769140 CrimsonAvenger
CrimsonAvenger's picture

If you strike him down, he shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:44 | 1769144 JPM Hater001
JPM Hater001's picture

I think ZH crashed the server.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:49 | 1769171 Pool Shark
Pool Shark's picture

 

 

Yep.

ZH did to the server what Obama did to that bankster...

 

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 10:19 | 1769311 Don Quixotic
Don Quixotic's picture

Except ZH actually did it in reality...

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:46 | 1769155 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

LOL. Total fantasy though...unless in a well-timed plot Wall St and their puppet president do STAGE election season events where the markets 'unexpectedly' drop due to a 'banking scandal' or other, bankers are hauled up before the man, etc.

Nothings shocking.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:48 | 1769156 Don Birnam
Don Birnam's picture

Why, that looks like Christian Bale from "American Psycho."

...Who, frankly, bears a curious resemblance to one of the Shark Tank/"Fast Money" panelists on CNBC, Tim Seymour.

http://wtfoodge.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/christian-bale.jpg

http://media.cnbc.com/i/CNBC/Sections/CNBC_TV/CNBC_US/Bios/Seymour_Tim/C...

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:47 | 1769161 Nascent_Variable
Nascent_Variable's picture

Sources report that Obama was told by campaign staffers that the banker in queation was a million short in his brib- pledged campaign contribution.

Since the attack, the banker has fulfilled his commitment to the campaign and is currently on the short list to be appointed as an economic advisor to the president.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:47 | 1769163 McMia
McMia's picture

Of course it's just a fantasy of the ONN.

In reality Obama would be on his knees servicing Dimon and/or Blankfein...

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:49 | 1769172 azusgm
azusgm's picture

If only...

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:51 | 1769185 PulauHantu29
PulauHantu29's picture

Dream the impossible Dream......

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:53 | 1769195 docmac324
docmac324's picture

Hangman would have been my first choice.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 10:18 | 1769304 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 That's not fair! I must have P/O'ed a wanabe banker!

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:55 | 1769201 pepperspray
pepperspray's picture

Here's the Youtube upload:

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFv_yy29TBw

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 10:02 | 1769207 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 Obama got his game ( groove) back? That's news to me...  On a lighter side.

  Let's see how effed up the financial sector really is today! Heck maybe the F.T. will pop another pill in the kool aid, an ( HOUR) before the markets close. Then we can listen to the CNBS crew deride their publishing times again. Farcical it is.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:58 | 1769213 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Looked like Scaramucci?  

Obama couldn't punch out Elizabeth Warren

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 09:59 | 1769222 digalert
digalert's picture

Barry would never do that...

he'd call for Moochelle.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 10:06 | 1769234 TuesdayBen
TuesdayBen's picture

Scrawny, awkward Obooba couldn't take his wife in a cage-match, much less a nimble, wily male banker.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 10:19 | 1769306 Problem Is
Problem Is's picture

My betting money is on Michelle "I'll Kick Your Ass Barry" Robinson-Soetoro in that match up...

Hell, I would take Valerie "Bitch-O-Matic" Jarrett over Bullshit Barry any day...

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 10:04 | 1769236 BKbroiler
BKbroiler's picture

you guys are a bunch of dicks, put down the pitchforks.  It's funny as hell.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 10:38 | 1769422 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Definition of 'Demo-cunt'...

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 10:09 | 1769261 mazza
mazza's picture

Yeah! Fight club rulez!

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 10:15 | 1769285 Problem Is
Problem Is's picture

Let me write that headline:

 

"Wall Street Bankers Bitch-Slap Obama Into Line"

Teleprompter-in-Chief Barry Obama today announced his new jobs plan surrounded by Wall Street titans Jamie Dimon and Lloyd Blankfein. Obama dubbed the Wall Street friendly plan "Bailout My Bonus!" as a continuation of the administration's "No Bankster Left Behind" economic policy and consistent with his 2008 "Hope and Change" campaign message...

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 10:21 | 1769323 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

You might be the dysfunctional/delusional tool that junked me! Bankers couldn't bitch slap quadruple collateralized (credit default swaps ) , into place. Your mama would have better luck at that task!

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 11:16 | 1769583 Problem Is
Problem Is's picture

Nah... If I junked you I would tell you...

Wait, Who Are You Again?
An Obummer-bot clogging up the ZH space? I must have missed your insignificant post some how...

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 11:28 | 1769619 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

Do you remember the old " Levis" , commercials? Travis you are years too late!  The solution was solved!

   Albeit, I was wrong for accusing you of " Wrong Doing's " .

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 13:02 | 1770066 Problem Is
Problem Is's picture

Truce accepted...

So don't make me <JUNK> you (ZH old school)...

You must keep in mind that Obama Bin Lyin' is the world's easiest Bitch-Slap...

So easy, incompetent banksters Ken Lewis and Brian Moron-i-han could Bitch-Slap Bullshit Barry...

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 10:31 | 1769381 Dingleberry
Dingleberry's picture

Sad, but true......Obama is pro-rapist banker, and now the Repubs are gonna send another brother up that is also pro-rapist bankster.  There is no hope........

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 10:37 | 1769416 owensdrillin
owensdrillin's picture

I believe in rights for bankers and it never hurts to give them the odd left.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 10:38 | 1769424 love
love's picture

perhaps he was fisting them while sucking their cocks

 

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 10:40 | 1769430 Henry Chinaski
Henry Chinaski's picture

I have said it before and will say it again.  This is being set up.   The markets crash, Obama brings the hammer down on the Wall Street Bankers (with perp walks and TV trials) and TOTUS comes out looking like a hero.  He's not getting much more money from Wall St, so he's got nothing to lose.  The Occupy movement dovetails right into this plan. Then there will be 4 more years of Obama, if we are lucky. A lifetime if we are not.  (This is not a prediction, but one possible future I can imagine.)

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 14:46 | 1770500 Bear
Bear's picture

In addition Obama gets to cast Romney as an ex - "Hedge Fund Manager Banker", the perfect scenario .... unless, of course, Cain ascends by pointing this out ahead of the primary season.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 10:53 | 1769486 Rockfish
Rockfish's picture

"Slugging little mister money bags"  this line made me feel really good for a nano second.

Dump your your acctounts with the big banks. I moved to local creit unions.

FTB

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 11:04 | 1769513 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

I parked my cash in C.U.'s back in 07. Plus I can buy shares via my deposits. Glass Stegall, ( Clinton) , messed up the whole deal.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 12:13 | 1769878 flattrader
flattrader's picture

Banksters hacked away at Glass-Steagall over a number of decades.  The effort picked-up steam under Ronald Reagan and once Volcker left the Fed Alan Greenspan seemed to make it his life's mission.

Read this handy synopsis--

A chronology tracing the life of the Glass-Steagall Act, from its passage in 1933 to its death throes in the 1990s, and how Citigroup's Sandy Weill dealt the coup de grâce.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/wallstreet/weill/demise.ht...

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 11:10 | 1769533 cabtrom
cabtrom's picture

Would have been better if after banker sucked his cock he came in the bankers eye!

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 11:15 | 1769576 Mad Max
Mad Max's picture

And THAT is why I am voting to re-elect Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 11:20 | 1769615 Caviar Emptor
Caviar Emptor's picture

My criteria for a good president: 

#1: Cut my taxes, but do it in an evangelical way

#2: Cut my corporate taxes...because then I can hire more workers....in Shenzen 

#3: Demonize anybody who says different. Call 'em witches or communists, liberals or homos...all the same

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 19:02 | 1771616 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

O.K., that was really funny. +1

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 11:47 | 1769770 Father Lucifer
Father Lucifer's picture

Just goes to show. Everyone loves a clown!

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 11:54 | 1769802 ginunn
ginunn's picture

It's called assault, a felony. What does he do to get his rating up higher, shoot someone? When will he be charged?

Thu, 10/13/2011 - 15:39 | 1770767 lunaticfringe
lunaticfringe's picture

remember...this is the guy who made that sissy throw at the all star game. I got an aunt in a nursing home throws a better punch than barry

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