How Obama Got His Groove (And Rating) Back

Tyler Durden's picture

To think three years of soaring unemployment, central planning, political gridlock and relentless propaganda could have been fixed with just one well-timed punch...

Only in the The Onion...for now

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Gully Foyle's picture

Onion News Network has been ripping the shit out of Obama, and savaging Biden, since it aired.


Comay Mierda's picture

why would he punch one of his major donors?

Iriestx's picture

Why would he punch his owner and slave master?

Dr. Richard Head's picture

Obama is too busy sucking off the banksters to be able to reach their face with a punch. 

DeadFred's picture

Besides, it's a left jab from a right hander. Just pretend, not meant to do damage.

Foxinsox's picture

Naw, obama is a southpaw. That's the real deal (No holyfield)

gball's picture

Actually, Obama is a lefty...


Remember this one...

SRV - ES339's picture

Never get in the way of a jilted lover... not!

President Obama's support for the bankers is typical GOP / TP propaganda. It was the Dems proposing (with the GOP fighting every step of the way) controls on the banks from the start (although you'd never know it reading ZH). "Occupy Wall Street" has simply cleared the air once and for all... the TP marginalized them and the Dems offered support... and the sheep finally saw the light!

It was time for the general public to wake up... lots of warts on the Progressive side, but they're looking like the bell of the ball beside the corporate sock puppets on the right... 9-9-9... what a joke! Of course the big question is... when (if ever) will the ZH comment crowd come around?

Bring the Gold's picture

Or more accurately BOTH parties are owned by the banks. The Dems just pretend to be populists economically and socially progressive while the Repubs protect the gilded class while holding up the social values of their base who is dumb enough to detach social values from actual freedom.

Dems tend to be a bit smarter being former middle class and some guilty rich folks, so their song and dance has to be a bit more complicated than the schlock shoved off on the Republican base. Either way the Dems and Repubs both serve the exact same master, its just a matter of who they are trying to trick. A bit easier to trick folks who love war, hate minorities, want to reject education, science and evolution than the Starbucks main stream soccer mom set who is mildly more bright and just wants to see her gay friends get married at any cost.

Both the evangelical mother of 10 and the soccer mother of 2.5 get bent over the barrel equally well by both parties. If you vote for either one in a presidential election (once the real people have been axed by the media and primaries) than you are voting for the bankers plain and simple.

P.S. if you ARE rich and vote for the Republicans well you are probably smart because they are somewhat in your corner, the same can't be said for poor/middle class voting for the Dems. Make no mistake though, unless you earn 9+ digits it won't matter who is in office from here on out. Just as the Dems once represented the poor and Middle Class so too the Repubs will abandon the lower and middle tier rich if they haven't already so don't think you are TOO smart if you vote Repub with 7 digits income.

Spastica Rex's picture

All differences are cosmetic and designed to obfuscate. Personally, I will no longer allow anyone to label me as "Left" or "Right" anymore.

Ben Dover's picture

You hit it on the head.

Effectively, both parties are the brainchildren of one ad agency or another (or maybe the same on in a synchronized campaign). They market to bases and fight to increase share.

It reminds me of the old Hertz vs Avis car rental fight - except in this case, Avis and Hertz would be owned by the same parent company.

Blano's picture

Million Dollar Bonus has a twin??  Yikes.

Pure Evil's picture

How long before the Obama bots take over the ZH comment section.

Wasn't the AOL-Huff-Post created for these mindless robots?

How many diatribes do we need to hear about giving your total salary to the state for the common good do we need to read.

I guess their are a lot of unemployed english lit majors out there such that they've gotten to the point of taking work for organizations like and Acorn.

No need to spread your spiel on ZH, we're fully aware that the zombie socialist thugs in the "O" administration think everyone should give all their wealth to the state because they know so much better than everyone else how to "invest" it.

Solyandra here we come.

weinerdog43's picture

Pure Evil?  More like Pure Moron. 

Enceladus's picture

Propaganda...I think not. I'll be polite because I think in time you will come to see the light.

ZH is way way ahead of you. Its not right / left, black-white, nazi-heeb, arab-jew, spy vs. spy.

It's you vs. your inner sheeple. So get it right don't be left out. To be more to the point it is the shorn sheeple vs. TPTB and their endless need to for a manipulated riskless trade, who with their .gov minions rule your world.

So don't be a hater and get your facts straight. Oh and buy silver!!

davepowers's picture

Obama is too busy sucking off the banksters to be able to reach their face with a punch. 



that's why it's called a sucker punch

eigenvalue's picture

He should have punched the bankster in the gonads:)

Falcon15's picture

He clocked the guy in the, um, face. Close enough.

I am more equal than others's picture

To complete that task he would have had to punch himself in the jaw.

Fips_OnTheSpot's picture

Thanks for the laugh!

MFL8240's picture

And....after the punch he went down on him.  More like how the story line would read.

Bodhi's picture

Puppets can't move their arms unless the guy with the hand up their butt wants to.

GeneMarchbanks's picture

UFC style with Liza Warren watching! My hero...

... but you know he's desperate for approval so it's nice to see The Onion planting seeds.

Catullus's picture

"His falling credibility is his biggest asset." -- Jamie Dimon

bania's picture

A left hook we can believe in

CrimsonAvenger's picture

If you strike him down, he shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

JPM Hater001's picture

I think ZH crashed the server.

Pool Shark's picture




ZH did to the server what Obama did to that bankster...


Don Quixotic's picture

Except ZH actually did it in reality...

SheepDog-One's picture

LOL. Total fantasy though...unless in a well-timed plot Wall St and their puppet president do STAGE election season events where the markets 'unexpectedly' drop due to a 'banking scandal' or other, bankers are hauled up before the man, etc.

Nothings shocking.

Don Birnam's picture

Why, that looks like Christian Bale from "American Psycho."

...Who, frankly, bears a curious resemblance to one of the Shark Tank/"Fast Money" panelists on CNBC, Tim Seymour.

Nascent_Variable's picture

Sources report that Obama was told by campaign staffers that the banker in queation was a million short in his brib- pledged campaign contribution.

Since the attack, the banker has fulfilled his commitment to the campaign and is currently on the short list to be appointed as an economic advisor to the president.

McMia's picture

Of course it's just a fantasy of the ONN.

In reality Obama would be on his knees servicing Dimon and/or Blankfein...

PulauHantu29's picture

Dream the impossible Dream......

docmac324's picture

Hangman would have been my first choice.

Yen Cross's picture

 That's not fair! I must have P/O'ed a wanabe banker!

Yen Cross's picture

 Obama got his game ( groove) back? That's news to me...  On a lighter side.

  Let's see how effed up the financial sector really is today! Heck maybe the F.T. will pop another pill in the kool aid, an ( HOUR) before the markets close. Then we can listen to the CNBS crew deride their publishing times again. Farcical it is.

azzhatter's picture

Looked like Scaramucci?  

Obama couldn't punch out Elizabeth Warren

digalert's picture

Barry would never do that...

he'd call for Moochelle.

TuesdayBen's picture

Scrawny, awkward Obooba couldn't take his wife in a cage-match, much less a nimble, wily male banker.

Problem Is's picture

My betting money is on Michelle "I'll Kick Your Ass Barry" Robinson-Soetoro in that match up...

Hell, I would take Valerie "Bitch-O-Matic" Jarrett over Bullshit Barry any day...

BKbroiler's picture

you guys are a bunch of dicks, put down the pitchforks.  It's funny as hell.

krispkritter's picture

Definition of 'Demo-cunt'...

mazza's picture

Yeah! Fight club rulez!