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How To Predict Today's Non-Farm Payroll Number With Planck Constant Precision
With everyone and their mother scrambling to come up with some utterly meaningless number (why is it meaningless? Because From January to March seasonal adjustments have "added" 4,477,000 jobs, and the monthly error interval is 100,000) to game the headline, which algos just can't wait for to send the market soaring (on either "virtuous circle" or "More QE" signals), here is our best suggestion on how to predict what the US economy will do all the way to the Planck constant. And at a sunk cost of only $24.99 to US taxpayers for bailed out US bank strategists, we are confident that expense committee will be able to say no to these oh so very critical products for the new "alive or dead" normal.
Presenting: The Schrodinger Cat executive Decision maker:
What is it? Why nothing short of the answer to all your economic queries:
Run, do not walk, to this site, and order one right now. Make sure to use Using achyon delivery service - that wa you will have gotten it by the time you order one, just in time to predict the state of the US economy.
Give up your free will
When decisions need to be made, sometimes there isn't a right choice. Drink coffee or tea? Hire Bob or Bob? Order pizza or Chinese? In the long run, these things don't matter. Give up your free will to the Schrödinger's Cat Executive Decision Maker
To use the Schrödinger's Cat Executive Decision Maker:
- Ask your question. Any question that can be answered in a binary fashion will do. The cat is extremely bored in the box and will listen to whatever you say. It is open to questions of an executive, legislative, or personal nature. You'll never know the answer if you don't ask.
- Slide open the door. At this point, the magic will happen and you'll see the cat flashing in flux between life and death. You'll either find this disturbing or intensely magical. We won't pass judgement on your character based on your reaction, we promise.
- See your decision solidify before you. The cat will be alive (which we interpret as a "Yes") or dead (or "No"). The almighty Schrödinger's Cat Executive Decision Maker has spoken. Go and do its bidding. Meow.
Product Specifications
- Give up your free will to a box with a cat in it
- No real kittehs were harmed in the production of this product
- To receive the answer to your most burning binary question:
- Ask your question.
- Slide open the door.
- View live or dead cat.
- Batteries: 3 AA batteries (not included)
- Dimensions: 5.5" long, 4" tall, 4" deep
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I thought all you had to do was ask Brusca......................
the cat is dead. t.a. foretells it.
There is no cat. We've all been had.
There is though, in symbol form only however. That is where the schism begins. Mistaking reflections of things for actual things.
Oh good......the fake numbers are out.
I must say that the Schrodinger interpretation of the wave-function (a literalistic one) has long since been discredited by the recognition that the wave function describes a probability amplitude and not a literal or objective state of affairs. It is analogous to the racing odds if you like, one does not say that all the horses have won on the basis of what the the racing odds are - this would be a misinterpretation of their purpose.
For the correct interpretation of the wave-function, also a rich metaphor for the markets, see the Born Interpretation, a wholly statistical one.
Would the BLS dare to release an above-expectations number?
How about +215k
I'm sure they've thought about it.
Schrodinger's Cheshire Cat?
Grandma will be eating Schrodinger's catfood for dinner...
ROFLOL! Diaper consumption increasing exponentially here. =D
Well, it's cheaper than the Magic 8-ball, which has been my free-will abdication device for years.
and arguably more decisive...
Hear Hear, My magic 8 ball is good enough and I know how to work it. I mean game it.
All you need to know is that the number will be "better than expected".
Regardless of what the number is.
EscapeKey
Dude, it could be "unexpected".
It's not the expectation that matters, but the quality of the expectorant.
Working at the BLS is easier than ever. You just sit at your computer surfing porn day after day and then the phone rings and a voice on the other end gives you the code word followed by the number you need to print. The call came in Wednesday and it is 7.9%. Just need to work back from there.
Only down to 8.1%, someone is getting fired.
MICHELLE MEYER:
Home Prices Will Continue To Plunge, And 2013 Will Be The Worst Year For Foreclosures In HistoryMichelle Meyer, the well-known housing analyst for BofA/ML, has some bad news: The housing crisis isn't over.
In fact, in her 2012 outlook piece, she says it's "far from over" and that prices still have another 7% to decline nationally.
The basic problem: There are still tons more foreclosures or "liquidations" yet to come.
Read more: http://articles.businessinsider.com/2011-12-03/markets/30471154_1_foreclosure-process-home-prices-housing-crisis#ixzz1ttuu3G2t mmm...yes, "...the basic problem...".....mmmmIf anyone knows, then BoA knows.
This HOA isn't even waiting for foreclosure to take homes and re-rent them!
http://www2.tbo.com/news/real-estate-news/2012/apr/29/3/homeowners-association-rents-home-it-doesnt-own-ar-397861/?referer=http://www2.tbo.com/&shorturl=http://tbo.ly/Knhf3H
ThinkGeek on Zerohedge. Perfect Friday gift.
I rate this right up there with the Moose that poops brown jelly beans.
Flip a copper penny....cost only 5+ cents to produce ? Monedas 1929 About 140 coppper pennies weigh a pound ? US Government Gasoline in Kabul is $400 per gallon ! If the copper in a copper penny is worth 3 cents....you know the net cost to the tax payer for a penny delivered to your local bank....honestly considering all the costs....must be damn near ten cents....a zinc penny probably cost 5 cents ? They lie about the true cost of a zinc penny....they would lie about anything ? Due to high government costs....the zinc penny was probably under water from day one....big time ? They probably studied the zinc solution for 10 years....shit costs ! Think of the procurement problems, PR and changing the assembly line...government agencies don't turn on a dime....hee, hee !
Time to start flipping the coins, looking like today it is going to come up tails bitchez.
You can't use coins anymore or else Max Fischer will come on and tell you how you're a FOS libertarian for suggesting that coins have any role in anything...
- If Jamie Dimon or Lloyd Blankfein even had a coin it would be double sided
- If a central banker had a coin, they'd play the game "Heads I win, tails you lose"
- If a politician had a coin, it would always land on it's side (requiring another flip)
- If Obama had the coin, he'd be busy using it to mark his ball on the green
- & as for the MSM & how it gets reported to you, (as with spoons)... There is no coin...
Manipulated bad numbers = good
Manipulated good numbers = good
I think it will be a good day.
At least in tje USSR the tractor and tank production figures might have been true in some rare cases...
Think I'm going long this morning.. Ben has my back right?
CNBC will spin it no matter which way it goes. Assholes
Absolutely.....just do it.
@CNBC......they should all be nominated for sainthood. At least a Nobel Prize or something.
Exactly, Ben Bernays has everyones back, his purpose is to ensure the useless eaters 401K's are safe and sound for retirement at The Villages.
In reality he gives slightly less than a fuck about the useless eaters.
Yea exactly my point. Seems everyone has been brainwashed into thinking the Fed works for them. They can keep believing it as much as they want, but theyll be rudely awakened one day soon.
Yep, and those fucking brainwashed morons are usually the first to shout conspiracy theorist at you when you ask them just one simple question; "who owns the Federal Reserve".
I think its do or die time for Bernaynks QE, if we get lukewarm meet or slight beats its off and they glide path it till the wings fall off, big miss and the Bernay's nke presents the Heroin addict markets free overt money fix.
Ha! NPR just callled job growth a "virtuous cycle". LOL
..........and you payed for it.
How about stressing the fact we need around 130-150K per month to account for population growth alone so anything less than this is a real negative. So often, pundits and economist refuse to account for population growth. This is done for the GDP growth rate as well as this would also need to have 1% subtracted for the population growth rate in addition to the real inflation rate of either 6 or 10 percent depending on whether the 1980 or 1990 methodology is used to clearly show we are in a DEPRESSION. I like truth, not lies. Undeflated GDP growth for Q1 2012 is 3.7% subtract 6-10 percent real inflation (not the 1.5% phony rate by the Fed) and subtracting 1% accounting for population growth rate and the final standardized GDP growth is -7.3 to -3.3%.
The dead cat "still has some bounce" according to those who saw the green shoots.
Mexicans are going back to home...are you sure about that population growth.
It's a shame you had to use a Defenesless Creature like a cat ....why not a usless politican instead
Coz a politician would be dead everytime.
Want to predict NFP numbers? Im sure there's an app for that too.
With WTI's action this morning, I'm going to say it'll be a stellar beat. Issue is my chicken bones are saying it'll be a meet expections, yet the tea leaves are saying a miss.
Anyone think we'll break below $100 on WTI today?
NFP number to be both good and bad simultaneously. Bernanke gets entangled with his printing press. And the Romney wave function collapses next month.
Do they come in yellow and green varieties?
Also, can I have one with a fat cat banker in the box?
yesterday morning, when I went to sheetz to buy gas, i hear the end to Carol King's old hit
"I hear the Earth Move", 1971, ... which goes, "a tumbling down" ...
Later on, I went to the hardware store to buy a pump for my water well.
I heard it again.
What are the odds of that?
That was enough hocus pocus for me. I went short big time ....
Are you certain those were not auditory hallucinations?
"According to the federal government, there are 12.6 million working age Americans that are considered to be "officially" unemployed, but there are another 87.8 million working age Americans that are not working either."
That is all you need to know about unemployment in the US. A manipulated number of an accuracy of +/- 100,000 will add scant little to your knowledge of unemployment though the algos will trade on it.
http://theeconomiccollapseblog.com/
So I'm wondering... Can I use my 'Magic 8 Ball' to confirm my decision after the 'Schrodinger Cat' box, or does my M8B get relegated to deciding what I'm gonna have for lunch?
The whole economy probably works on the backs of 1 million key people ! Unfortuneately, these key Randian Filth government whole lickers are as about as scared to go on strike as a Jewish engraver in Hitler's Kounterfeit Korps ! Monedas 1929 DWP - Dis-Occupy the Work Place (National Strike) !
Odd you mention STRIKE as in National. Foaf's wife claims a movement amongst tweeting teachers is advocating a strike during EOG (end of grade testing - the key part of Bush the Lesser's NCLBehind act) as a meaningful effort to put a stake through the heart of this never-funded legislation. No Child ... has been a failure from it's inception and needs to end this year. Go Teachers!
How to predict NFP? Just lowball all the estimates by the vampire squid.
Planck Constant?! But that number's itty-bitty small. Fuck it -- I'm going big. That's right, I'm going Avogadro: 6.02214129E+23
Planck Constant?! But that number's itty-bitty small. Fuck it -- I'm going big. That's right, I'm going Avogadro: 6.02214129E+23
And I'm doing it twice!
This might explain why the economy smells like a used litter box.