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iFry?

Tyler Durden's picture




 

As reported earlier, Consumer Reports has concluded its analysis of the New iPad's running temperature. The results, based on a live CNBC update:

  • New iPad runs up to 12 degrees warmer than the old iPad2
  • New iPad warms up to 116 degrees
  • This is not as hot as some of the warmest laptops which hit 120 degrees.

Naturally, much of this was to be expected from a product that has more advanced equipment, which also happens to generate greater power output. It is also unclear if this will provoke a recall, accelerate global warming (and thus facilitate economic "beats") and/or whether one will now have the iSkillet in a twofer special.

 

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Tue, 03/20/2012 - 14:40 | 2274189 Conman
Conman's picture

Apple will do nothing, just like they did with Antenna-gate and the muppets will keep buying.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 14:53 | 2274203 notbot
notbot's picture

hmmm

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 19:26 | 2275230 old naughty
old naughty's picture

iBomb.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 19:31 | 2275246 Pinch
Pinch's picture

Major FAIL on this article. The whole world except the US uses Celsius to measure temperature. Go metric, you morons!

Wed, 03/21/2012 - 00:08 | 2275799 i_fly_me
i_fly_me's picture

The whole world also prefers US Dollars for international trade and reserves; your point is moot. 

Here: C = (F - 32)/1.8

HTH HAND

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 14:43 | 2274204 Alea Iactaest
Alea Iactaest's picture

Maybe someone could measure and compare the electronic energy radiating out of a device that is intended to be held inches from your reproductive anatomy.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 14:57 | 2274271 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

iSterile

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:03 | 2274301 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

iVolts

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:05 | 2274309 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

 

 

iPad + George Foreman = iGriddle

"It'll cook you breakfast while it tracks your every habit."

 

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:08 | 2274321 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

That's one big Ipad!
Or it's a midget in the background....

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:23 | 2274327 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

Now with twice the grilling space for sausages to go with your Belgium waffles!

Must I always think of everything?

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:10 | 2274328 Mercury
Mercury's picture

ay pica!

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:27 | 2274397 Stoploss
Stoploss's picture

iBurningdownthehouse

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:02 | 2274279 Mercury
Mercury's picture

Somewhere out there is a 16 yr. old boy trying to figure out how to fuck this thing.

If only the Ipad utilized flex-screen technology I could roll it into a cylinder...

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 20:00 | 2275306 RmcAZ
RmcAZ's picture

They already make Fleshlights for iPads... Google it.

Wed, 03/21/2012 - 05:22 | 2276068 Moe Howard
Moe Howard's picture

It's another exciting product we have in development at the moment. We are always looking to improve our user experience and this will be a way to take it to another level. Continue watching Fleshlight.com for it.

So there that is. F*ckable iPads, coming soon. We assume that it will launch with a geometrically opposite counterpart (read: dildo) as well.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 14:43 | 2274205 Hard1
Hard1's picture

Yes they will, they will give a $20 coupon to buyers and they will spend it on another iPad for the missus

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 14:53 | 2274239 TWSceptic
TWSceptic's picture

Actually they gave away free bumper cases, so stop hating.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 14:55 | 2274258 Conman
Conman's picture

Refering to the calls for recall. Also please stop using the term hating. You sound like a 10 year old  girl.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:40 | 2274458 Ruffcut
Ruffcut's picture

If I can't cook an egg on it, I don't want that bitch.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 14:40 | 2274190 SilverTree
SilverTree's picture

SELL-SELL-SELL!

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 14:41 | 2274192 Ratch
Ratch's picture

They will create an app called "Lap Warmer" and say the increased temperature was on purpose

 

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 14:48 | 2274226 dukeness
dukeness's picture

iCoffeeWarmer

What, you didn't know this?

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 14:46 | 2274218 juicyfruit
juicyfruit's picture

is the temperature seasonally adjusted?

 

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 14:47 | 2274220 DavidJ
DavidJ's picture

IHeat. Iburn.  USue.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:02 | 2274297 bank guy in Brussels
bank guy in Brussels's picture

Apple has bribed iJudges.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 14:48 | 2274225 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

at least it keeps my starbucks coffee warmer longer

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:09 | 2274326 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

And you can bake a english breakfast in your car on it!

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 14:54 | 2274251 kralizec
kralizec's picture

iCare?

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 14:55 | 2274254 yogibear
yogibear's picture

Use it as a hand warmer in the winter. The I-Padmakes a good seat warmer during the cold football games.

If it could catch on fire you could get a new house after the insurance is collected. Just blame your I-PAD. Say Tom Cook Cook'd me.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:05 | 2274257 Mercury
Mercury's picture

New AAPL Product Even Hotter Than Expected.

-Just doing my part to keep a floor under the Naz.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 14:56 | 2274262 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

The heat coupled with the elcetromagnetic radiation will fry your sperm. But then who can afford children after buying all the latest Apple gadgets? Besides, Siri is so smart - more human than human.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:19 | 2274367 Cdad
Cdad's picture

I don't know about the sperm thing, but I would imagine the higher temp could very logically shorten device lifespan. 

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 20:21 | 2275340 RobertC
RobertC's picture

Ding, Ding, Ding!  That Li-ion battery will "fail" right after the 1 year warranty expires, and the customer can't fix it.  By then, the iPad 4 should be RTM. 

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 14:56 | 2274265 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

maybe apple should have instead used some of that cash of R&D

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 14:57 | 2274273 sampo
sampo's picture

Trying to do things less silver - dependent maybe?

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:00 | 2274283 TheLooza
TheLooza's picture

iKeepMyBallsWarmWithIt

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:01 | 2274285 Ted Baker
Ted Baker's picture

MAYBE THIS HAS TO DO WITH THE WARM WEATHER DURING WINTER AS THE US DATA SHOWS IN THE UNEMPLOYMENT RATE, PMI AND THE LOT

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:01 | 2274287 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

"...which also happens to generate greater power output"

Actually, it consumes greater power input, and generates greater heat output.  But you knew that. ;)

Although if it did generate power, all of our problems would be solved!

 

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:02 | 2274291 SolidSnake961
SolidSnake961's picture

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-03-20/biggs-boosts-bullish-bets-on-st...

 

notorious BIGGS increasing his long position in market

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:24 | 2274382 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

That guy should have been off complaining about his oatmeal in a nursing home 15 years ago.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:03 | 2274300 nestle
nestle's picture

AAPL @ 400 Here We Go!!

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 20:03 | 2275313 RmcAZ
RmcAZ's picture

Forgot a zero.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:04 | 2274303 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Should we rally now?

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:06 | 2274314 ponomo
ponomo's picture

IPAD Thigh = erythema ab igne

Erythema ab igne From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Jump to: navigation, search Erythema ab igne Classification and external resources
Erythema ab igne in a person with chronic abdominal pain who found some relief from the application of heat. ICD-10 L59.0 ICD-9 692.82 DiseasesDB 4438 eMedicine derm/130

Erythema ab igne (EAI, also known as hot water bottle rash,[1] fire stains,[2] laptop thigh, and toasted skin syndrome[2]) is a skin condition caused by long-term exposure to heat (infrared radiation). Overexposure to heat causes a mild red rash that might be described as "blotchy". Prolonged and repeated exposure causes a marked redness and colouring of the skin. Some people may complain of mild itchiness and a burning sensation, but often, unless a change in pigmentation is seen, it can go unnoticed.

It was once commonly seen in the elderly who stood or sat closely to open fires or electric heaters. Although wide use of central heating has reduced the incidence, it is still sometimes found in people exposed to heat from other sources such as heating pads, hot water bottles, and laptops. The term is derived from Latin and means "redness from fire".[3]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erythema_ab_igne

 

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:06 | 2274315 zebra
zebra's picture

new App to keep you warm on cold days!

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:10 | 2274330 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

Just install the IFan app to cool it down.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:11 | 2274334 Zeff
Zeff's picture

Whats next? iBBQ?

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:19 | 2274352 Chuck Walla
Chuck Walla's picture

Umm, bacon & eggs and a movie...

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:22 | 2274359 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Gates would have seen this hot marketing opportunity....'Keep your Starbucks warm the entire commute to your menial job that will soon be outsourced to Pakistan with our new IPad3 special iWarming plate app...only $100 more!'

iIdiots.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:18 | 2274361 Sandmann
Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:20 | 2274366 FubarNation
FubarNation's picture

Labor problems at Foxconn resulted in the iSlaves needing to steam their rice on the production line.

Labor problems averted when design bumped up the temp on the units.

 

I'm here all week - don't forget to tip your servers.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:20 | 2274369 Below Zero
Below Zero's picture

Not only will it heat your home but it also is an effective means of birth control if you leave it on your lap for long, the iSterilizer

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:23 | 2274380 Mongo
Mongo's picture

Yes... iPan!

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:28 | 2274399 LivermoreJim
LivermoreJim's picture

Accelerate global warning? Another idiotic article from an increasingly anti-industrial pro caveman website.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:35 | 2274431 Schmuck Raker
Schmuck Raker's picture

Have you NO sense of humor, Jim?

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:40 | 2274454 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

No, he doesn't, and he thinks the iSkillet is a real product.

Apple iFanboys suffer extreme butthurt when someone pokes fun at their god.

 

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 16:03 | 2274559 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Leave him alone!!! He's just in iDiot that is iGnorant of iNnuendo and iRony. iMbeciles like Jim should be iGnored.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:36 | 2274441 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Jeez, lighten up there Jimbo! 

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:28 | 2274401 LivermoreJim
LivermoreJim's picture

Accelerate global warning? Another idiotic article from an increasingly anti-industrial pro caveman website.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:33 | 2274422 TideFighter
TideFighter's picture

I'll take two pixels, over easy.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:34 | 2274426 Racer
Racer's picture

Looks like the new iCook app is doing wonders for the ishare price

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:51 | 2274510 metastar
metastar's picture

No Carbon Emissions = No Global Warming = No Carbon Taxes

Perhaps they'll recall to replace the battery with an internal combustion engine. At least then everyone except the consumer is happy.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 15:59 | 2274546 Silveramada
Silveramada's picture

iFRY ur cojones

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 16:00 | 2274552 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

iFukushima

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 16:15 | 2274602 Abraham Snake
Abraham Snake's picture

Apple desktops are also energy hogs. Our electrical rates jumped 20% last year so I picked up a watt meter so as to audit our home's energy use. I was shocked to find our 2009 Apple desktop used about 100 watts running and 30 watts in idle mode while the Dell desktop runs at 50 watts and idles at 4 watts.

Our Apple desktop is costing us about $50 per year in electricity, provided it's left on all the time, which it is, second only to the $75 per year refrigerator. It's a hog.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 16:17 | 2274615 Chappy
Chappy's picture

How much heat is from the 4G link?  I bet a good amount of microwaves are warming up people's privates

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 21:12 | 2275457 Bringin It
Bringin It's picture

Exactly - Fire up an iPad and bake your nards.  No thank you.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 16:20 | 2274628 divide_by_zero
divide_by_zero's picture

Peak AAPL?

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 16:51 | 2274732 sodbuster
sodbuster's picture

This is an added feature- it's called a handwarmer- aapl will be raising the price.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 17:25 | 2274859 saulysw
saulysw's picture

All iJokes aside (which I find funny, mind you), I have a new iPad and it's fine. This is a beat up. Really, there is no heat problem as far as I can tell, and we have used it a lot since we got it.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 17:35 | 2274887 unclened
unclened's picture

great now iSrael can drop these iNukes on iRan all the while AAPL goes to $1000 as the US Military becomes their largest corporate customer!

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 17:55 | 2274954 I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

shit, you can have a temperature of a 105, this is a powerful electronic device, this is also during serious gameplay like gears of war 3, move along folks, if you think this is an issue shit ain't firing in your head, i always set my macbook on a couch pillow because it gets a little warm.

basically nobody is going to care except for those who aren't going to buy it anyway, does anybody doubt this??  if you said yes, move to the back of the class

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 21:14 | 2275463 Bringin It
Bringin It's picture

The pillow won't help you.  You will need to change your handle to ^Man when your nards bake off.  Good luck.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 19:09 | 2275166 Blue Horshoe Lo...
Blue Horshoe Loves Annacott Steel's picture

People who buy a re-packaged Linux/Unix OS wrapped in a proprietary shell housed by cheap shiny plastic put together by slave labor, then trumpet how hip they are, are called " iDiots".

Most of the Apple users I know are posers.

Wed, 03/21/2012 - 05:25 | 2276069 Moe Howard
Moe Howard's picture

Sad  but true, every word of it.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 19:18 | 2275194 Blue Horshoe Lo...
Blue Horshoe Loves Annacott Steel's picture

US deficit hits $0, seasonally adjusted!

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 23:41 | 2275765 thorgodofthunder
thorgodofthunder's picture

Reading and posting from my i-3 right now. It's no hotter than the i-2. Then again I don't use it to watch porn so maybe that's the trick.

Gotta say that the whole tablet thing is fucking incredible! Books, email, FaceTime, music, vids, photos and ya, the whole fucking Internet! Right in my fingertips while relaxing in the tub and flying on LTE. What's not to love guys? Other than the cost but really to get from i-2 to i-3 is really only a couple hundred bucks one you unload the old one. Amazing resale value on these suckers.

Wed, 03/21/2012 - 00:47 | 2275849 bamf1411
bamf1411's picture

I just went through all this shit about metric with this geek I know, Metric rah rah, so, tell who won the first and second  world wars, SAE, so you whiny little and (european) bitches can measure your dick in centimeters, real men, american men measure  their thud in INCHES>

Wed, 03/21/2012 - 04:08 | 2276019 cnhedge
cnhedge's picture

waiting for the warm up already.

 

http://www.cnhedge.com/

http://www.jinrongbaike.com/

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yang46's picture

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