An Improbable Fireside Chat

Tyler Durden's picture

By Mark Grant, an American Citizen

A Fireside Chat

Picture a fireside, stone around the hearth, Christmas logs of sometime past, a blazing fire and embers glowing beneath them. Imagine a simple room, wood panels and the glow that is reflected from the light that danced upon their lacquered finish. There sat a man next to the fire who was not the Pastor of some church nor some litigator stirring the listeners for re-election but a man speaking to the country and for the betterment of the nation. This man was neither a saint nor a person enshrined with excessive humility and while an American, he stood for those higher principles upon which the foundation of this country rested. He had been elected and while it can honestly be said that he inherited the problems and was not their creator; he knew that the task at hand would be his greatest accomplishment or his worst failure. Yet he was not afraid; he hearkened to the task because he would give his hallowed spirit to overcome what must be defeated. He knew he would persevere because he must and that the demands of this nation’s forefathers had called him to the task at hand.

There were TV cameras, there were always TV cameras, and there were carefully placed microphones and yet he ignored them all as the time had come to have an honest word with the American people. We had come so far, lost so many lives and now it was a different kind of battle that must be undertaken to hold the nation intact. The President, not this President, but one that is needed, was filled with purpose and the stern look of a man with a mission defined as he began his words in the evening of that fateful day.

“I come to you tonight not as your President but as a member of your extended family. The time has come for a serious chat and I fear the lateness of the hour and I apologize for not arriving sooner as the need is great but I am here now and so we must sit down and take stock of the nation. The United States did not get so far, did not become what it is, just because of our armies or the might of its sword. The country is rooted in principles and the Rule of Law that we have rested upon since 1776 and it is because of our foundation that we have been able to flourish. We are a country of people that have chosen to live here and while we cannot be proud of each and every act; we can certainly be proud of most of them and of the inhabitants from across the world that have chosen to reside in America.

Tonight we face a difficult task because, just as in any household in our country that has lived beyond its means; the country has lived beyond its means. The reality is that the nation, just like any family, only has so many resources and only has so much income and that the debts of the country must be constrained by what we can afford. I am here to tell you this evening that we have overspent, over indulged our desires and that we must walk back from the brink before we step into some abyss that overwhelms us. Our debt has passed more than one hundred percent of the yearly income of the country and we have headed down a path strewn with thorns that can no longer be ignored as it is tearing our clothing as we move forward in time. Further we have lost some of the purpose of the United States as while we must help those citizens in need, we cannot afford, any longer, to subsidize those people that do not want to work or wish to live upon the earnings of others. This may be the way of some countries but it is not the spirit of this country and so we must backtrack from social policies that encourage it.

We have $14.3 Trillion in income and we now have a debt that is more than $15 Trillion and this is not sustainable. Because the numbers are so large and because I wish no confusion for anyone; allow me to present this in another way. If the income of your family is $40,000.00 and you have debts of $50,000.00 then you know that some changes must be made and quickly and that is exactly the circumstances we find ourselves in tonight. We have over spent, over promised and we cannot deliver without quite real consequences for the nation that would eventually shatter the American dream and lead to the destabilization of the country and that I will not allow. We must cut back and while it may be painful and while not everyone will agree on the measures that I propose I am sure that we can find enough common ground to proceed with the task at hand not as Republicans and not as Democrats but as members of a common family that has made some mistakes in judgment. I propose a twenty percent minimum tax rate for all corporations in America and then the deductions in place can be utilized for the difference between the twenty percent rate and the highest rate of thirty-five percent. I propose that Social Security, for people under forty, be trimmed back but with appropriate tax incentives for those that invest soundly and their savings will be rewarded by these new tax breaks. I also propose a cut-back in in Medicare that does not affect our older citizens but is also applied to those under forty with tax breaks for their buying and maintaining private health insurance. It is a major change in the social structure of America no doubt but one that must be made to bring the country back to financial health because the country cannot survive without sound fiscal policies legislated for the nation.

Next I want to address with you the issue of oil and of the country’s energy needs. We should all be conscious of the environment and of being responsible when drilling for oil or natural gas and America needs to do her best to preserve her resources and use them with careful thought for this generation and for the next generation. I begin with these points so it is clear that we have obligations but I also state with absolute certainty and regardless of any mistakes made that we can no longer afford to reward those nations with our energy dollars that wish to overthrow the fundamental principles of the United States. We can no longer allow for the capital of this country to be invested where terrorists and others who seek to bring us harm reside. We have the resources, we have the technology and I intend to propose to Congress a new set of laws that will end our contribution to any nation that seeks America’s demise, is involved with terrorism or is not a member in good standing of the world’s community.

I also address the social crumbling of this country’s foundation tonight which is to ask when being successful became a pariah in the nation’s thinking. The United States was founded upon the principles of success, upon hard work, upon striving to accomplish our goals and when did we lose this most basic of premises is unknown to me but it is one we must re-establish for the good of our country and of our children. I applaud the man or woman who takes the initiative, makes the hard choices and works diligently to provide a better life for himself and his family and I am in the stands cheering as he passes by and marches upon his own two strong legs. I am in the crowd of admirers and I will not allow for him to be degraded by anyone whether he works on Wall Street or Main Street or whether the invention of some new idea has granted him riches that others have not attained. What is great about this country is that success can be achieved, can be attained and this is one of the cornerstones upon which America rests. Here are the real heroes of this country and deriding these people, so much lately a part of our national fiber, is a disease that has infected this nation and one that I intend to move both Heaven and Earth to try and cure. Horatio Alger and the like were always the rock of the United States and the current spirit in the land to look down upon those that have achieved some success will no longer be tolerated in my presence and I envision  the day when not in yours either.

The times in the short run will no doubt be difficult and the choices facing us will not be easy. Many alternatives will be presented and many programs offered and not everyone will agree with what the Congress ultimately decides but choose we must and so we will as I ask for your endurance and support during these difficult moments in our history. What I can assure you, what I can promise you, is that we shall come through this and emerge as a better and stronger country where each man and woman can rest calmly at night knowing that his and her future and the futures of their children will be safer given the difficult choices that we will make in the next few months and then implement to help insure the success of the nation.”

I ask that you join me in my own personal hopes and prayers that someday soon, from someone, we are all able to hear the essence of this speech.

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Conrad Murray's picture

Using the State to extort the individuals within its borders via taxation, under the threat of confiscation of property and/or freedom, to further your political and social agenda, is unacceptable.

If you want to pay for another individual's retirement or medical benefits, go for it. Forcing others to do the same flies in the face of what it should mean to be American.

I think I need to buy a gun's picture

well i went to the bank yestereday got some gold coins sold them and bought some YELP Stock with the proceeds. I'm bullish now on the future, they haven't profited yet but they are going to

knukles's picture

Good boy.  You're excused from the FuckEeeMeAh Camp

MagicHandPuppet's picture

What a bunch of do-gooder tripe this article is. There is no collective solution... Especially one where I or any other non-gubbment-employee or free-shit recipient is supposed to feel any ownership of this stupid government's debt or problems. Let them default and inflate. Nothing can stop it. Using taxes as part of the solution is just immoral.

JPM Hater001's picture

I got teary eye...really...Until he still wanted corporate taxes at 20%.


Fukushima Sam's picture

Mark Grant is a well-intentioned dumbass.

Ned Zeppelin's picture

I was going to post separately how this "article" is complete horseshit but decided you say it much more diplomatically.

redpill's picture

Correct.  Here we are at the edge of the "abyss" and STILL he doesn't manange to think outside the box on tax policy?

How about this:  Reduce spending to 2006 levels and freeze them there for 5 years.  Repeal the 16th amendment and the income tax and replace it with a nationwide consumption tax with offsets for the very poor.  Get rid of corporate taxes because eventually they get passed on to the consumer/shareholder anyway (they don't make the CEO's bonuses any smaller, that's for sure).

Do these simple things and at the end of the 5 years the United States would seeing economic growth the likes of which Timmy Geithner and the Bernanke don't even believe is possible anymore.

And to the title of the post, it actually ISN'T improbable at all.  Politicians say this exact same sort of crap all the time.  His energy policy paragraph has basically been the same speech on energy policy that the last 3-4 Presidents has given.  The problem with commodities like oil is that you either have them or you don't.  No amount of rhetoric is going to make it magically appear.

mkkby's picture

Fuck that shit.  NOTHING can fix this rotting, corrupt corpse except a complete reset.  Abolish the federal gov and go back to individual states.  If they want to have a military cooperation agreement, and cross-border trade agreement -- fine.

The federal gov is so far out of control it boggles the mind.  Enough is enough.

Michael's picture

Oh my poor dear boy Mark, don't you know our once great country is now hopelessly gone to that bad night. The USA has entered the abyss and all we can hope for is putting some of it back together, if there's anything left after the complete and total worldwide economic collapse. 

Got Popcorn?

longdong silver's picture

how about that Brietbart murder, Deffinitly should NOT have had supper with those white pony tailed liberals huh...?

CompassionateFascist's picture

That's right. He broke bread w Ayers and his cop-killing RedJew wife. Musta been that slow-acting luminous poison.

withnmeans's picture

Hmmmm, Tyler Durden for President?  I don't know him personally, but some of his writings make common sense. Lets put him at the podium and hear what he has to say, maybe put Rick Santelli as Vice.

Conrad Murray's picture

complete and total worldwide economic collapse

Is there a way to use Noetics to bring this about. Perhaps a worldwide day of prayer?

Michael's picture

If you want to get perfectly technical about the national debt, that 15.3 trillion in debt belongs to The Corporation of the United States of America, not the American people.

We the people protected ourselves from a runaway federal government and its un-sustainable buildup of debt by passing The Act of 1871, making the Federal government a corporation unto itself, thus absolving the non-corporate entity's, sovereign people of the USA, from being responsible to pay the Federal corporate debt.

This short film explains a lot about it;

UNITED STATES is a Corporation - There are Two Constitutions - Sovereignty   

It's a sword that cuts both ways.

groundedkiwi's picture

somewhere i rememer reading that corporations are now people .

Michael's picture

They are persons, not people, big difference.

The Alarmist's picture

If that fairy-tale helps you sleep better, keep telling it to yourself. It still won't stop Caesar from rendering unto himself that of yours which you won't give, willingly or not.

lynnybee's picture

If you want to get perfectly technical about the national debt, that 15.3 trillion in debt belongs to The Corporation of the United States of America, not the American people. wow !  i learn the most amazing info on ZEROHEDGE.   This rabbit hole is so deep.   Thanks, Michael .....

Miss anthrope's picture

lynn:  haven't seen you in a LONG time babe..... hope you are well.................. I'm still out here in the trenches learning from ZH every day too



Miss anthrope's picture

lynn:  haven't seen you in a LONG time babe..... hope you are well.................. I'm still out here in the trenches learning from ZH every day too



rosiescenario's picture

Yes, they are going to make a great deal of money and that was a very wise decision on your part.


You might also wish to leverage up a bit on that slam dunk bet with some fact, it might be prudent to take out a second on your parents' home and buy more YELP.

Goldilocks's picture

Salt N Pepa push It (Original) (3:28)

The Offspring Come Out And Play (Keep Em Seperated) (3:19)

RafterManFMJ's picture

The times in the short run will no doubt be difficult and the choices facing us will not be easy


Remember the golden choice. Or, he who has the gold, has choices.

The Alarmist's picture

He who has the muscle has the choices ... The smart ones with the gold always make sure some of it buys the muscle. You think that whole feudal lord-vassal structure was a one way assertion of power?

LongSoupLine's picture

Taking a page from the Icelandic book, "How to start over - Telling the banks to fuck themselves" would be a huge great start for any president.

Ned Zeppelin's picture

The desparate need for the rooting out of the criminal element in the top tiers of our society being hopelessly missing from this tripe, aside from the thin concession that maybe some things that have gone on are things not to be proud of. Also, no mention of where the replacement energy is to come from that fuels this Revelation on the Road to Galilee. I guess it's the old patriotic "drill baby drill" meme (not that we shouldn't do that, only that we're kidding ourselves if we think that is enough).  I worry about our species.  

Miss anthrope's picture

NED BABY, i missed you!, where you been?


AbruptlyKawaii's picture

you always gota watch mutha fukers around u

Caviar Emptor's picture

Before a leader can succeed there must be a public willing to listen. 

Milestones's picture

Not just willing, but capable--the real problem.               Milestones

cherry picker's picture

This speach will never be heard in my lifetime as there are very few individuals in the political sector except for possibly Ron Paul who has the guts to make a speach like that.

There are just too many who are still sucking on the tit of government and more are fighting over whatever milk may be left.

ihedgemyhedges's picture

2 points cherry picker:

First, it's spelled "speech", not "speach".

Secondly, I prefer the tit of AbruptlyKawaii's avatar a few posts above rather than the government tit..........but that's just a personal choice.

Sean7k's picture

You swallowed that horseshit? Please America, study your history! 

The same assholes that have us here and now had us back then. Guess what? We had a government before the Constitution and the Convention was a coup d'tat that benefitted all the merchants and speculators in debt paper. They even gave us a central bank- up yours Alexander Hamilton.

When Americans gathered and striked, they sent the Pinkerton's, the sheriff and the army to kill us- then they took over the movement and put it in house.

They tortured the Constitution, perpetrated genocide against the native american, made debt slaves and indentured servants out of every immigrant group and when they succeeded, they brought in new groups to abuse. 

They made heroes out of tyrants- Lincoln, FDR, Wilson, and every president since. They filled our heads with crap and called it education. They turned the Executive into a monarch and the Congress into his whore, while the Supremes sang backup. They destroyed the Bill of Rights and then unleashed terrorism on us. Killing almost 3000 good americans in NY.

The history of the US is the history of every nation on Earth that have suffered at the hands of the elites- and they did it with our cheers and fanfare.

The only speech I ever want to hear is the one where they destroy government once and for all- because it is the only way we will ever be free.

American34's picture

Wow what you say is for the most part crap. Government is here to stay period. If there is one government in the world there has to be others. Any group of people sharing resources for self defense, aka GOVERNMENT, is going to easily conquer any individuals not working together for self defense. This really is common sense. Individuals do not defeat armies. It is not the idea of government that is wrong, it is what we have come to know as government. The idea is pretty simple, people pool together resources that are to be used for the common good. Thats all there is too it, that is government. UNFORTUNATELY, what we know of as government is the opposite, a very small group of people controlling the vast majority of society's resources working for their own benefit. THAT is the problem.

Sean7k's picture

Well, perhaps you can make the intellectual jump and connect your own dots. Read you next to last sentance again and again. Now, where do you see any different systems that have not fallen prey to that problem. 

You do not do the same thing over and over if it doesn't work. That is insanity, by definition.

Next, shed the ridiculous self defense argument. First, prove that little jewel. Second, who is going to cross an ocean to attack us and maintain an armed presence in the face of a completely armed citizenry? No one. Third, how could any nation on earth compete with an economic juggernaut that doesn't have to pay for a government? They won't, so they join the party, just to keep up. Fourth, one word: Afganistan. Second word: Vietnam. Defeated America. Stop buying the banker BS.

Anarcho capitalism and the liberty based society that would evolve IS the best possible future. People just need to remove the religion of government from their minds and see a different reality. While we have always had social organization, we have not always had government. Slavery is a state of mind- there is no way for a ruling minority to maintain it in the face of resolute opposition.

uniman's picture

I think it would help if you were to be slightly more careful with your defintions.  IMHO, there's nothing wrong with "pool(ing) together resources that are to be used for the common good" so long as the participants are doing so voluntarily.  The act of sharing resources does not spawn a new government.

The essence of government is that they are organizations which use force and fraud to control "their" f/a/r/m/ /a/n/i/m/a/l/s/  "citizens".  I suppose you're right that snuffing this evil out, world-wide, would be like erasing religion or amway or animal brothels.  No matter how hard you piss on any of this, there's always going to be at least a few whack jobs building DHS shrines and trying to re-enact the good ole days.

It's very conceivable that people can organize alternative systems of organization that are not coercive.  These new forms of organization could certainly defend themselves individually and in concert with others.  The big governments in today's world are doomed and I will cheer their passing.  The fragments that still live after the Great Demise, like Terminator's robo-hand, will be much more amenable to control than the beast which spawned them.

Not only are the present forms of government incorrigably abusive but they also have a territorial fetish.  This part _can_ be disposed of.  Because if you're not using a natural resource, you can't just lay claim to it.  Well, go ahead and lay claim, but good luck holding it.  Nobody has any moral obligation to refrain from taking it. 


The Andy's picture

What a piece of shit. 

Jason T's picture

...Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.  And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."


Fogive the worlds debts... put the system through bankrupcty and reorganize.  The temptation is the printing of money, it's a deal with the devil, the fathe of lies.  Soon enough, we'll all realize our currency, like the germans did in Nov of 1923, is a lie.  


The answer is in the lord's prayer.  There, I said it.

HungrySeagull's picture

This ^

And those of you think I am a Holy Roller and think badly can shove it. America was founded with people who put their names on paper knowing that King George the III will come and kill them all together or one by one like dogs.

We did well until about the Nixon years when we were taken off the Gold Standard.

I don't know about you, but that is one speech I will not hear in this life time.

I take matters into my own hands.

AmCockerSpaniel's picture

For those who own the dept it will NOT kill them to forgive some or all of it. But many who are in dept, it will kill to repay. Yes; They should have not borrowed, but also true is that it should have not been lent. Both side have gone to far. Does there have to be blood? In the end, the result will be the same.

VelvetHog's picture

No qualifiers necessary.  Say what's on your mind, Hoon.  We're all friends here.

non_anon's picture

And as he sat upon the mount of Olives, the disciples came unto him privately, saying, Tell us, when shall these things be? and what [shall be] the sign of thy coming, and of the end of the world?

And Jesus answered and said unto them, Take heed that no man deceive you

And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all [these things] must come to pass, but the end is not yet.

For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places.

All these [are] the beginning of sorrows.

Matthew 24

Cabreado's picture

You forgot the Corruption.

Unfortunately, then, it's gazing into the fire, and realizing that the rest is all moot.


tankster's picture

John Galt on coke.:p

knukles's picture

The Rule of Law was not estabished in 1776.  The Magna Carta was executed in 1215.

But then again, it's either 714, 420 or after 5 somewhere now, isn't it?
So this is what we've become. 

HungrySeagull's picture

Magna Carta was forced into existence by a People who refused to be enslaved anymore.

If you look hard enough, somewhere in our current Government we are no longer free.

knukles's picture

Somewhere we are no longer free?
I'd make it more like; "Say the magic word of where we are yet free and win a $100."

Conrad Murray's picture

An excellent view of how far America, the land of the once free and now home of the slave, has sunk:

Illegal Everything -

uniman's picture

Reminds me of my last visit to Walden Pond. Sign, sign, everywhere a sign... No parking. No dogs (ha! dogs can read!). No swimming. No fishing.  No fireworks.  No alcohol!  No glass containers.  No shit sherlock.  No guns.  No nudity.  No freedom.  And no, no, no... don't even think about building a cabin in the woods!