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Infographic: If Apple Was A Car Fanatic, Here Is What It Could Spend Its Money On

Tyler Durden's picture


Courtesy of Jalopnik comes a slightly different perspective on what Apple could do with its $100 billion (and over by now) cash horde. Obviously due to the publication's automotive bent, the emphasis is on uses of funds that tend to be related to the 'horsepower' space. In short, the consumer company, which is now far bigger than the entire US retail sector as noted before, could purchase 435,113 Ferrari 458 Italia's and/or some permutation of the other options indicated below. That said, while it is well-known what conventional wisdom says about any gentlemen who feels the need to redirect attention to his red blazing sport car from other, ahem, issues, we wonder what would be said about an entity that feels the urge to procure not one, but 435,113 Ferraris (or 41,667 Bugatti Veyrons for that matter)...

h/t nolsgrad

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Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:39 | 2270009 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

iTHink we've had just about enough Apple for one day. Just one man's opinion. I do not care for Apple.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:43 | 2270029 Spitzer
Spitzer's picture

Apple sucks.  The CEO queer apparently

Im shorting Apple  6 months from now.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:46 | 2270043 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Maybe by then it will be a trillion dollar company.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:04 | 2270100 Jack Napier
Jack Napier's picture

Who gives a crap about stocks anyway. Little Eichmanns sucking the life blood out of the economy by not producing any goods and services yet taking their cut. Day traders may as well be HFT algos, what's the difference besides magnitude and speed.

Physical metal and assets are where it's at. When the debt bubble finally bursts and the zombies come knocking on your door, stocks will be the last thing anybody is concerned with.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:21 | 2270181 Tortfeasor
Tortfeasor's picture

What does it say about everything else out there that Apple can't find anything better to do with their money.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:43 | 2270274 Spitzer
Spitzer's picture

Thats right.

When the dollar goes for a dive, iShit sales will dry up

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 21:03 | 2271586 morkov
morkov's picture

Yes, Apple is a sinkhole. the deal is to sink lot's of money into Apple and then ... talk to the Geniuses.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:48 | 2270288 Spitzer
Spitzer's picture

Thats why I am waiting. 6 months should be long enough to go full retard.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:04 | 2270110 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

So cute when a man needs to label another as "queer" to compensate for his own shortcomings.

Might i suggest a red Ferrari or in your case probably 3 are necessary.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:37 | 2270241 Dave Thomas
Dave Thomas's picture

Who gives a shit if he likes his toast buttered on the other side?

I don't like him because he regularly "Sends e-mails before 4:30" and "holds staff meetings on Sunday night."

I guess if you're going to be the dumping ground of vapor capital you've gotta have the waking habits of a powerful lich or vampire.

Wonder if he likes mirrors or crosses in his room?

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:45 | 2270281 Spitzer
Spitzer's picture


Homosexuality degrades society. I dont like it.


Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:56 | 2270315 Tekrunner
Tekrunner's picture

You degrade society. I don't like you.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 17:40 | 2271041 gezza65
gezza65's picture

History would agree with Spitzer.

I am yet to hear of or read about the details of any religion or culture in history that has treated homosexuality as anything other than abnormal.  Abnormal as in that it does not conform to the natural.

The problem today is that too many people, people such as yourself, are offended by the obvious.  Hence we have fascists dictating what an individual can and cannot say.    

It is understandable though.  If one was homosexual it would be difficult to accept that you engage in behaviour that is unnatural no matter the amount of spin doctoring applied and thus the requirement for fascism and indocrination.


Mon, 03/19/2012 - 18:55 | 2271198 Diogenes
Diogenes's picture

I see you don't know much about history. Ever heard of the Glory That Was Greece or The Grandeur That Was Rome?

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 19:26 | 2271293 smiler03
smiler03's picture

Doesn't the Talmud permit Rabbis to have sex with boys? And isn't it compulsory for Catholic priests to do the same?

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 19:39 | 2271331 ZeroPower
ZeroPower's picture

You're an idiot if your comment was implying those were great civs because of the prevalent (or not so prevalent, probably just focused upon) homosexuality.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 21:55 | 2271744 gezza65
gezza65's picture

Oh, I was hoping some dim-witted fool would mention Rome and Greece.

Could you dear enlightened one, provide me, indeed the whole world, your evidence supporting your claim * from your vast and incomparable knowledge of Ancient Roman and Grecian history.

* I have inferred from your post that you believe that homosexuality was an accepted and approved behaviour in Ancient Rome and the states of Greece.


Mon, 03/19/2012 - 20:58 | 2271563 Confused
Confused's picture

Its a good thing those homos aren't stealing billions of taxpayer dollars and fucking up society.


Hahahahahahaha, divide and conquer. Mission accomplished it would seem. 



Mon, 03/19/2012 - 22:01 | 2271767 gezza65
gezza65's picture

Ah, yes, the greater acceptance or is that required acceptance of homosexuality in society is just a symptom of the collapse of civilisation.  Just ask the Romans.  While history repeats the outcome is always unknown. 

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:36 | 2270239 FreeSlave
FreeSlave's picture

and Apple CFO is Peter Oppenheimer. What does it tell you!?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Oppenheimer  at the bottom of the page under Categories is written:  American Jew

here is his father Robert Oppenheimer https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Oppenheimer major figure of Manhatan Project


Oppenheimers are not better than Rothschilds, Guggenheims, Rockefellers and all others... They are all the same.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:43 | 2270033 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Its cheap at $600.  Buy, buy, buy!


Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:48 | 2270052 Tortfeasor
Tortfeasor's picture

Where can I buy solid gold Truck Nuts?

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:20 | 2270176 Ahwooga
Ahwooga's picture

If there are any truths left in techincals, someone might want to let the hedgies know of a gap that needs filling around the $370 mark...

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:32 | 2270208 Widowmaker
Widowmaker's picture

Good luck with that!

The ONLY thing with any truth in it is the word untruth.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:45 | 2270040 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Would you care for some other fruit? A banana from our fine republic perhaps?

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 14:01 | 2270337 tmosley
tmosley's picture

At this point I think the coconut might be a better metaphor.


There is no economy, just Bernanke with two empty halves of a cocnut, and he's bangin' em together!

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:55 | 2270080 SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

They really ought to buy a nice car company  (The Apple T-Rex or Apple Spyder maybe) AND the best augmented reality software company in existence right now.

Combine Apple tech, augmented reality into the dash / HUD  / windshield and poof ... translate some of that product worship into more profits with a  total premium brand in another industry altogether.  

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:15 | 2270157 TheGardener
TheGardener's picture

No worries , just search engine optimization.

Make no mistake, Tyler is a professional.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:20 | 2270175 Silver Bug
Silver Bug's picture

I personally wouldn't touch apple. They need to issue a massive special dividend and give a huge payment to their shareholders.



Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:43 | 2270275 IAmNotMark
IAmNotMark's picture

Has iThink been trademarked by Apple?  If so, you could be in iTrouble (trademarked as well)...

Let's see:  iSuck. iBlow. iShit. iCrap.   iWonder if Apple has gotten those names as well.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:40 | 2270012 All Rise
All Rise's picture

Stocks are a better investment.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:41 | 2270018 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

But how many votes could they buy?

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:44 | 2270031 Dagny Taggart
Dagny Taggart's picture

They would only need one - the iDiebold vote.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:07 | 2270128 Zero Debt
Zero Debt's picture

There is more leverage in buying congressmen. Besides, you get to play golf and basketball at the white house.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:42 | 2270026 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

It could corner the silver market and have enough PM to make its computers for the rest of the company's existence, and also allow them to make a profit selling silver to its competitors.

Just sayin'.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:43 | 2270028 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Buy a man a car,

he can learn to drive.

Buy a man a car factory,

he can drive a nation into debt.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:44 | 2270034 Edmon Plume
Edmon Plume's picture

A ribbon of a $1T zimbabwe fiat bumwipe note.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:47 | 2270036 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Shit buy GM , hedge with a lot of puts, then kill the fucker off like it should be. Make more money .

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:48 | 2270053 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

Why not buy Greece, team up with Germany and take over the entire Euro-zone..............

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:49 | 2270055 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Toss the slave labor an extra nickel or two.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 15:28 | 2270648 Matt
Matt's picture

AAPL doesn't pay the workers, Foxconn does. If you pay them more, the money will just go to Foxconn owners and management bonuses, I doubt a penny would get to the workers.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:49 | 2270056 Clayton Bigsby
Clayton Bigsby's picture

Long Truck Nutz!!!

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:49 | 2270057 navy62802
navy62802's picture

That's a lot of TruckNutz. Haha

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:50 | 2270058 jmcadg
jmcadg's picture

What the fuck are truck nutz.
Obviously wanky petrolhead bollocks.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:57 | 2270075 Sancho Ponzi
Sancho Ponzi's picture

Truck Nutz are fake cojones that people hang from the back bumper of their pickup trucks, and are usually found attached to Dodge 'Ram' pickups whose owners have serious issues regarding sexual adequacy.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 16:21 | 2270862 takinthehighway
takinthehighway's picture


1) Down here in my very redneck part of the USA, I've seen three sets of Truck Nutz...on a Chevy, a Ford and a Toyota;

2) The Dodge with the Cummins or Hemi has real balls and doesn't need fakes;

3) At age 54, I can still bring my wife to multiple orgasms every time we make love, which is almost every day. That's not counting foreplay...and does not rely on ersatz sexual appendages.


Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:55 | 2270078 bobola
bobola's picture

This American Life ran a retraction yesterday on a recent Apple story that was full of holes; http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/460/retraction

Interesting how folks are so devisive over Apple.

Hate them if you will, but they have no debt and are sitting on a hoard of cash. 

I call that a very enviable position, indeed.


Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:45 | 2270279 IAmNotMark
IAmNotMark's picture

Apple shows how much you can accomplish with slave labor...ah, the american dream company.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 14:35 | 2270445 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

For an avatar, how about a picture of Mark Twain?

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 14:38 | 2270457 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Get it?

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!