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Infographic: If Apple Was A Car Fanatic, Here Is What It Could Spend Its Money On

Tyler Durden's picture


Courtesy of Jalopnik comes a slightly different perspective on what Apple could do with its $100 billion (and over by now) cash horde. Obviously due to the publication's automotive bent, the emphasis is on uses of funds that tend to be related to the 'horsepower' space. In short, the consumer company, which is now far bigger than the entire US retail sector as noted before, could purchase 435,113 Ferrari 458 Italia's and/or some permutation of the other options indicated below. That said, while it is well-known what conventional wisdom says about any gentlemen who feels the need to redirect attention to his red blazing sport car from other, ahem, issues, we wonder what would be said about an entity that feels the urge to procure not one, but 435,113 Ferraris (or 41,667 Bugatti Veyrons for that matter)...

h/t nolsgrad


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Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:39 | 2270009 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

iTHink we've had just about enough Apple for one day. Just one man's opinion. I do not care for Apple.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:43 | 2270029 Spitzer
Spitzer's picture

Apple sucks.  The CEO queer apparently

Im shorting Apple  6 months from now.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:46 | 2270043 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Maybe by then it will be a trillion dollar company.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:04 | 2270100 Jack Napier
Jack Napier's picture

Who gives a crap about stocks anyway. Little Eichmanns sucking the life blood out of the economy by not producing any goods and services yet taking their cut. Day traders may as well be HFT algos, what's the difference besides magnitude and speed.

Physical metal and assets are where it's at. When the debt bubble finally bursts and the zombies come knocking on your door, stocks will be the last thing anybody is concerned with.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:21 | 2270181 Tortfeasor
Tortfeasor's picture

What does it say about everything else out there that Apple can't find anything better to do with their money.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:43 | 2270274 Spitzer
Spitzer's picture

Thats right.

When the dollar goes for a dive, iShit sales will dry up

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 21:03 | 2271586 morkov
morkov's picture

Yes, Apple is a sinkhole. the deal is to sink lot's of money into Apple and then ... talk to the Geniuses.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:48 | 2270288 Spitzer
Spitzer's picture

Thats why I am waiting. 6 months should be long enough to go full retard.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:04 | 2270110 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

So cute when a man needs to label another as "queer" to compensate for his own shortcomings.

Might i suggest a red Ferrari or in your case probably 3 are necessary.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:37 | 2270241 Dave Thomas
Dave Thomas's picture

Who gives a shit if he likes his toast buttered on the other side?

I don't like him because he regularly "Sends e-mails before 4:30" and "holds staff meetings on Sunday night."

I guess if you're going to be the dumping ground of vapor capital you've gotta have the waking habits of a powerful lich or vampire.

Wonder if he likes mirrors or crosses in his room?

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:45 | 2270281 Spitzer
Spitzer's picture


Homosexuality degrades society. I dont like it.


Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:56 | 2270315 Tekrunner
Tekrunner's picture

You degrade society. I don't like you.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 17:40 | 2271041 gezza65
gezza65's picture

History would agree with Spitzer.

I am yet to hear of or read about the details of any religion or culture in history that has treated homosexuality as anything other than abnormal.  Abnormal as in that it does not conform to the natural.

The problem today is that too many people, people such as yourself, are offended by the obvious.  Hence we have fascists dictating what an individual can and cannot say.    

It is understandable though.  If one was homosexual it would be difficult to accept that you engage in behaviour that is unnatural no matter the amount of spin doctoring applied and thus the requirement for fascism and indocrination.


Mon, 03/19/2012 - 18:55 | 2271198 Diogenes
Diogenes's picture

I see you don't know much about history. Ever heard of the Glory That Was Greece or The Grandeur That Was Rome?

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 19:26 | 2271293 smiler03
smiler03's picture

Doesn't the Talmud permit Rabbis to have sex with boys? And isn't it compulsory for Catholic priests to do the same?

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 19:39 | 2271331 ZeroPower
ZeroPower's picture

You're an idiot if your comment was implying those were great civs because of the prevalent (or not so prevalent, probably just focused upon) homosexuality.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 21:55 | 2271744 gezza65
gezza65's picture

Oh, I was hoping some dim-witted fool would mention Rome and Greece.

Could you dear enlightened one, provide me, indeed the whole world, your evidence supporting your claim * from your vast and incomparable knowledge of Ancient Roman and Grecian history.

* I have inferred from your post that you believe that homosexuality was an accepted and approved behaviour in Ancient Rome and the states of Greece.


Mon, 03/19/2012 - 20:58 | 2271563 Confused
Confused's picture

Its a good thing those homos aren't stealing billions of taxpayer dollars and fucking up society.


Hahahahahahaha, divide and conquer. Mission accomplished it would seem. 



Mon, 03/19/2012 - 22:01 | 2271767 gezza65
gezza65's picture

Ah, yes, the greater acceptance or is that required acceptance of homosexuality in society is just a symptom of the collapse of civilisation.  Just ask the Romans.  While history repeats the outcome is always unknown. 

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:36 | 2270239 FreeSlave
FreeSlave's picture

and Apple CFO is Peter Oppenheimer. What does it tell you!?  at the bottom of the page under Categories is written:  American Jew

here is his father Robert Oppenheimer major figure of Manhatan Project 

Oppenheimers are not better than Rothschilds, Guggenheims, Rockefellers and all others... They are all the same.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:43 | 2270033 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

Its cheap at $600.  Buy, buy, buy!


Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:48 | 2270052 Tortfeasor
Tortfeasor's picture

Where can I buy solid gold Truck Nuts?

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:20 | 2270176 Ahwooga
Ahwooga's picture

If there are any truths left in techincals, someone might want to let the hedgies know of a gap that needs filling around the $370 mark...

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:32 | 2270208 Widowmaker
Widowmaker's picture

Good luck with that!

The ONLY thing with any truth in it is the word untruth.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:45 | 2270040 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Would you care for some other fruit? A banana from our fine republic perhaps?

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 14:01 | 2270337 tmosley
tmosley's picture

At this point I think the coconut might be a better metaphor.

There is no economy, just Bernanke with two empty halves of a cocnut, and he's bangin' em together!

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:55 | 2270080 SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

They really ought to buy a nice car company  (The Apple T-Rex or Apple Spyder maybe) AND the best augmented reality software company in existence right now.

Combine Apple tech, augmented reality into the dash / HUD  / windshield and poof ... translate some of that product worship into more profits with a  total premium brand in another industry altogether.  

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:15 | 2270157 TheGardener
TheGardener's picture

No worries , just search engine optimization.

Make no mistake, Tyler is a professional.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:20 | 2270175 Silver Bug
Silver Bug's picture

I personally wouldn't touch apple. They need to issue a massive special dividend and give a huge payment to their shareholders.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:43 | 2270275 IAmNotMark
IAmNotMark's picture

Has iThink been trademarked by Apple?  If so, you could be in iTrouble (trademarked as well)...

Let's see:  iSuck. iBlow. iShit. iCrap.   iWonder if Apple has gotten those names as well.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:40 | 2270012 All Rise
All Rise's picture

Stocks are a better investment.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:41 | 2270018 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

But how many votes could they buy?

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:44 | 2270031 Dagny Taggart
Dagny Taggart's picture

They would only need one - the iDiebold vote.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:07 | 2270128 Zero Debt
Zero Debt's picture

There is more leverage in buying congressmen. Besides, you get to play golf and basketball at the white house.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:42 | 2270026 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

It could corner the silver market and have enough PM to make its computers for the rest of the company's existence, and also allow them to make a profit selling silver to its competitors.

Just sayin'.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:43 | 2270028 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Buy a man a car,

he can learn to drive.

Buy a man a car factory,

he can drive a nation into debt.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:44 | 2270034 Edmon Plume
Edmon Plume's picture

A ribbon of a $1T zimbabwe fiat bumwipe note.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:47 | 2270036 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Shit buy GM , hedge with a lot of puts, then kill the fucker off like it should be. Make more money .

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:48 | 2270053 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

Why not buy Greece, team up with Germany and take over the entire Euro-zone..............

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:49 | 2270055 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Toss the slave labor an extra nickel or two.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 15:28 | 2270648 Matt
Matt's picture

AAPL doesn't pay the workers, Foxconn does. If you pay them more, the money will just go to Foxconn owners and management bonuses, I doubt a penny would get to the workers.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:49 | 2270056 Clayton Bigsby
Clayton Bigsby's picture

Long Truck Nutz!!!

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:49 | 2270057 navy62802
navy62802's picture

That's a lot of TruckNutz. Haha

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:50 | 2270058 jmcadg
jmcadg's picture

What the fuck are truck nutz.
Obviously wanky petrolhead bollocks.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:57 | 2270075 Sancho Ponzi
Sancho Ponzi's picture

Truck Nutz are fake cojones that people hang from the back bumper of their pickup trucks, and are usually found attached to Dodge 'Ram' pickups whose owners have serious issues regarding sexual adequacy.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 16:21 | 2270862 takinthehighway
takinthehighway's picture


1) Down here in my very redneck part of the USA, I've seen three sets of Truck Nutz...on a Chevy, a Ford and a Toyota;

2) The Dodge with the Cummins or Hemi has real balls and doesn't need fakes;

3) At age 54, I can still bring my wife to multiple orgasms every time we make love, which is almost every day. That's not counting foreplay...and does not rely on ersatz sexual appendages.


Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:55 | 2270078 bobola
bobola's picture

This American Life ran a retraction yesterday on a recent Apple story that was full of holes;

Interesting how folks are so devisive over Apple.

Hate them if you will, but they have no debt and are sitting on a hoard of cash. 

I call that a very enviable position, indeed.


Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:45 | 2270279 IAmNotMark
IAmNotMark's picture

Apple shows how much you can accomplish with slave labor...ah, the american dream company.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 14:35 | 2270445 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

For an avatar, how about a picture of Mark Twain?

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 14:38 | 2270457 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Get it?

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 14:59 | 2270532 Instant Wealth
Instant Wealth's picture


Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:51 | 2270296 i_fly_me
i_fly_me's picture


... sitting on a hoard of  promissory notes.

Doesn't sound quite as enviable that way.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:55 | 2270079 skepticCarl
skepticCarl's picture

Now, even more mutual fund managers can buy AAPL as a growing dividend company, as the dividend grows first with profit growth, and then as a growing pay-out ratio.  This modest start is the classic way to insure that dividends can grow.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 12:57 | 2270088 Bold Eagle
Bold Eagle's picture

Maybe AAPL could cover US budget deficit for the month of March, but I doublt it has enough cash for this.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:02 | 2270102 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

no ZH that's the Sultan of Brunais car collection

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:03 | 2270105 TradingJoe
TradingJoe's picture

apple mania! tulip mania! grando-mania! lots of mania out there today!

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:04 | 2270111 writingsonthewall
writingsonthewall's picture

Someone tell me how Apple is going to increase it's revenues by the same level as the entire revenues of a fortune 500 company - every year.


That is what the market expectations are.


Clearly these people have never heard of Nortel - when the company is too big for the index - the tail starts wagging the dog.


I do love stupid investors- especially when they are convinced they are superior beings to the rest of the world!

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:12 | 2270147 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

They don't care about realistic expectations annually. These things are decided in sub nano seconds now by dueling computers. Of course a computer company comes out on top? ;-D

I am not an "investor" the way you mean, but I do find it curious that you feel the need to come on here and say the things you say. Are you convinced that you are a superior being to "stupid investors?"

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:35 | 2270231 Widowmaker
Widowmaker's picture

The fact that you compare AAPL to Nortel says it all. 

Unfortunately, nothing about the stocks...

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:05 | 2270112 t_kAyk
t_kAyk's picture

what, no obama volt on this graphic??

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:05 | 2270114 SmoothCoolSmoke
SmoothCoolSmoke's picture

Remember the Apple "1984" ad?

Now the mindless zombie's are Apple's customers lining up fo the next iWhatever.



Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:06 | 2270121 InconvenientCou...
InconvenientCounterParty's picture

When your young child asks "what are those things hanging from the trailer hitch?"

Just say, it is a misguided mating ritual that is helping to raise the collective IQ of the human race.


Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:29 | 2270207 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

iRan anyone?

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:46 | 2270285 IAmNotMark
IAmNotMark's picture

No thank you william.  I really, REALLY don't want iRan in the news.  Cause if they are, it will be bad news.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 14:33 | 2270434 Vince Clortho
Vince Clortho's picture

I read somewhere that the VietNam war could have been avoided if the U.S. would have used the money spent on the war and bought every one in Viet Nam a new Chevy Station Wagon.  And think what that would have done for GM stock.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 19:02 | 2271229 Diogenes
Diogenes's picture

Ho Chi Minh was ready to come right into the American camp after WW2. The north Vietnamese constitution is even based on the US constitution. But Truman and Eisenhower wanted France in NATO and DeGaulle wanted Vietnam back. He got it too, then in 1954 France decided they did not want it after all and bugged out.

The CIA got involved and the rest is history.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 15:15 | 2270591 TarzanNe1
Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:52 | 2270299 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

Here's one!
With their money you can build : 22 aircraft carriers with nuclear reactors!

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 13:55 | 2270310 Dr. No
Dr. No's picture

or a little over 10 days of funding the US goverment budget.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 14:10 | 2270363 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture


Mon, 03/19/2012 - 14:28 | 2270421 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Damn William don't do surprise me lie that. i'm a recently divorced lonely guy.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 14:37 | 2270451 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Hope that isn't a crab apple.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 15:24 | 2270625 Troy Ounce
Troy Ounce's picture


I want to know:

Does apple have "cash in the bank" or an extended credit line from one or several banks based on present and future profits.




Mon, 03/19/2012 - 15:39 | 2270691 Ganja Jane
Ganja Jane's picture

That's a whole lotta ounces of cannabis cup winners!

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 15:47 | 2270720 BLOTTO
BLOTTO's picture

Steve Jobs was never our friend.

He didnt give a shit about us - the good people.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 17:22 | 2271014 robertocarlos
robertocarlos's picture

I'd buy one of those Swedish models. It's called Konnigssegg or Elin or something or other.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 19:35 | 2271317 smiler03
smiler03's picture

You mean Brit Eckland?

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 09:55 | 2272877 Incubus
Incubus's picture

I'd buy tons of food and win the hearts and minds of millions of third world disenfranchised peoples--then I'd coax them into joining my private army.  I'd be the world's most ruthless dictator.  I'd topple various mini tyrants around the world and spread anarchy and various forms of anti-corporate capitalism and socialism.



Mon, 03/19/2012 - 18:24 | 2271111 GeoffreyT
GeoffreyT's picture

The truly horrifying thing about that infographic is that Truck Nutz are actually a thing.


When the future version of Gibbon writes The Decline and Fall of the USA Empire, he would be forgiven if he pinpointed the day that Truck Nutz became a 'thing' as the 'tipping point' - rather than

  • the establishment of the Fed,
  • the FDR and LBJ expansions of entitlement programs,
  • the Reagan debt-explosion,
  • the George the Turd (GWB) debt explosion and Bush the Dumber's Carrhae moment


I like genital-oriented humour as much as the next manly man - if not more so. But if Truck Nutz are a thing even I am prepared to say we have gone way the fuck too far and need to take a breath.


Also: not for nothin' - and NTTAWWT - but dont you find that they would add a certain 'Brokeback Mountain' characteristic to anybody who actually put them on his 'truck'? Seriously - they are faggier than Harleys and leather pants.


Come at me, bitchez.

Mon, 03/19/2012 - 18:42 | 2271161 Charles Bishop ...
Charles Bishop Weyland's picture

 Golf clap. Well said. Leather daddies probably love them.

Tue, 03/20/2012 - 04:10 | 2272450 zerohedgeJUNKIE
zerohedgeJUNKIE's picture

Apple should use most of their money to buy Physical Gold. And peg their products prices to gold to avoid inflation, like oil for instance. Because when Fiat collapse all those labor, hardwork and time will all go to waste. But then again I'm not a Genius.

Tue, 04/03/2012 - 01:56 | 2312123 leo_21
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Tue, 04/10/2012 - 08:32 | 2330707 leo_21
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Wed, 05/23/2012 - 04:56 | 2454179 mikehussey
mikehussey's picture

Apple also wanted to make an icar, but befire he can it was a sad demise. Some concept sketeches are revealed in net. It was a genius man andworld will definetley miss him.

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