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[INSERT GROUPON JOKE HERE]

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Presented with no comment - none at all, not even a wry schadenfreude-ridden smirk. GRPN -13% at $17.40

 

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Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:03 | 1906653 knight99
knight99's picture

this symbol expires december 31st 2011

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:08 | 1906676 LuKOsro
LuKOsro's picture

Lol, you made my day sir! Thank you.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:13 | 1906714 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Delicious cupcakes on me, everyone.

I bought 102,000 of them from some bakery in the UK, for 75% off, and the owner was not happy to see me when I picked them up.

Many business owners saw what went down and have basically said 'Wankin' F**kin' Groupon.'

Dig in.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:17 | 1906729 Fukushima Sam
Fukushima Sam's picture

I thought a "groupon" was something you could expect if a bunch of TSA agents was heading for you?

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:21 | 1906750 Thomas
Thomas's picture

No joke. Just noting that all of the recent IPOs have been Fukushima-level toxic (including some of the government-sponsored retreads).

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:58 | 1906887 Richard Chesler
Richard Chesler's picture

The bastard child of one Darth Blankfein.

Oops. Better become an Obama campaign contributor rather soon.

http://dealbook.nytimes.com/2011/10/17/the-missed-red-flags-on-groupon/

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 12:16 | 1906955 quebecgold
quebecgold's picture

Groupon is headed to faillure, the reason is simple, it has way to many competitors now. It is very simple to copy the groupon concept.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 12:28 | 1906989 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

"This symbol  expires on November 30, 2011."

Fixed it for ya!

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 14:10 | 1907465 Hook Line and S...
Hook Line and Sphincter's picture

The angle of the chart dangle is directly proportional to the attractiveness of the group-on menage a trois.

Got some uglies in this orgy.

Hook Line and Sphincter ( ! )J

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 15:02 | 1907715 Gidas19
Gidas19's picture

TRIVIA Question: what are the first 4 words in the song "set fire to the rain"??

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 15:16 | 1907794 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

a business model based on customer email spamming remains unviable.

delete

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 17:34 | 1908470 Mentaliusanything
Mentaliusanything's picture

"The government sponsored retreads" - You owe me my fresh coffee and a dry clean bill.

Still laughing so Hard the others think Im on Meds. - fuck that is ging to go into my Sarc/ vocab

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 19:14 | 1908812 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

Huh, I thought it was a polygamist's female hygienic sanitary product. 

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 13:15 | 1907220 GFKjunior
GFKjunior's picture

What an idiot. Why would she sell any cupcakes at a loss, even at a 50% discount she could of ended up being profitable. Some people these days have no brain.

 

 

BTW did the $40 original price tag on a dozen cupcakes suprise anyone else?

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 13:21 | 1907244 Omen IV
Omen IV's picture

she had a sugar high !

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:22 | 1906751 walcott
walcott's picture

 90% discount this black friday

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:46 | 1906843 GenX Investor
GenX Investor's picture

We were just kidding on the whole IPO thingy. Sorry bout that.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:24 | 1906764 oogs66
oogs66's picture

maybe goog can buy them when they are half off

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:28 | 1906779 stopcpdotcom
stopcpdotcom's picture

"this symbol expires december 31st 2011"

For the benefit of those of us who are not traders, can someone please explain the significance of this?

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:32 | 1906790 Stax Edwards
Stax Edwards's picture

Like a Coupon haha

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:47 | 1906845 stopcpdotcom
stopcpdotcom's picture

I see. Very droll.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 13:02 | 1907176 Blano
Blano's picture

Think bankruptcy.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:05 | 1906655 aldousd
aldousd's picture

This is my definition of "social justice."  

 

edit: And forget subtle "schadenfreude" I'm giddy watching this thing sink. I'm only sorry that people were able to unload and exit this on day one. Literally makes me sick.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:09 | 1906685 Ethics Gradient
Ethics Gradient's picture

True enough, but I'm not so sure about the social justice tag. Their employees are heading for social security.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:12 | 1906704 A Man without Q...
A Man without Qualities's picture

by "people", I assume you mean the banks that manufactured a supply shortage and were able to force the price higher at the open?

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:29 | 1906781 aldousd
aldousd's picture

Yes. Also lets not forget the principles who were looking for an ejection seat since they realized they had no business model.  Everyone involved, including the flippers and even the retail investors who get their daily dose of CNBC advice, knew it was a quick pump and dump with no value. I'm actually surprised at the zeal with which people pretend to be surprised about this.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:29 | 1906783 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

I don't think "Scahdenfreude" carries a particular quanitification of the level of joy in other people's suffering. I think you could be giddy with schadenfreude. I know I often am. 

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:47 | 1906846 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Black Adder +infinity

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 12:02 | 1906896 i-dog
i-dog's picture

Indeed ... never tire of it!

The Bernank gets a maths lesson: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K71MckOTt1M

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:49 | 1906857 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

How do you say Shadenfreude in Austrian?  Let's ask POTUS.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 12:04 | 1906906 i-dog
i-dog's picture

He doesn't speak Austrian. But he does speak Double Dutch.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:04 | 1906657 GerritB
GerritB's picture

New offer: Buy 2 shares of GRPN for the price of 1!!

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:06 | 1906669 Mike2756
Mike2756's picture

SSSSSSave!

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:28 | 1906775 c'mon man
c'mon man's picture

Buy 2 packs of Kools and get a share of GRPN

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:04 | 1906659 redpill
redpill's picture

This is because DSK sold a huge number of shares once he realized the company is actually NOT named Grope On.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:05 | 1906665 Gandalf6900
Gandalf6900's picture

brilliant...thanks

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:10 | 1906691 Roland99
Roland99's picture

That's Hermain Cain's new startup for after his bid fails next Nov.

 

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:56 | 1906875 tekhneek
tekhneek's picture

NEIN NEIN NEIN!

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 12:05 | 1906913 i-dog
i-dog's picture

Merkel is a Cain fan?!

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 15:46 | 1907938 sockcutter moto...
sockcutter motorforker's picture

if only there was a company named Coerced Cocksucking

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:05 | 1906661 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

How many groupon coupons for groupon stock does it take to get back to the IPO? 

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 14:29 | 1907554 Sokhmate
Sokhmate's picture

negative 5 Billion Groupons (market cap is that much higher than real value)

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:05 | 1906662 youngman
youngman's picture

The people that hyped this ...have made their money...now its time for you to lose yours....this is the IPO market now...insiders win...New York Bankers win....you lose...

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:21 | 1906749 tarsubil
tarsubil's picture

And people still keep playing and wonder why their investments are stuck in neutral. Sooner or later, people will stop playing.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 12:40 | 1907073 johnnynaps
johnnynaps's picture

They will be in front of CONgress first thing Monday, so the little investor loses twice.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 12:43 | 1907088 johnnynaps
johnnynaps's picture

"the Amerikan people need Groupon in these tough times, that is why we are asking for a $30 billion bailout"

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:40 | 1906664 Ethics Gradient
Ethics Gradient's picture

$17.40? For like, 1 share? How many shares are there in circulation? 10?

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:05 | 1906666 indio007
indio007's picture

Groupon sounds like a sex act for swingers. If it were , I'm sure this chart would be inverted.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:13 | 1906709 whoopsing
whoopsing's picture

 In other word's, a clusterfuck ?

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:53 | 1906865 kaiserhoff
kaiserhoff's picture

Rename the company Groupengropen.  Couldn't hurt the share price.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:48 | 1906851 fuu
fuu's picture

The movie your avatar was in rocked.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:05 | 1906667 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

I know.

I just checked the stock price prior to coming back to this site, and laughed out loud here at work.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:06 | 1906668 Wannabee
Wannabee's picture

Looks like my 401k over 10 yrs.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:07 | 1906672 Fish Gone Bad
Fish Gone Bad's picture

Group on for a big warm hug.  That is probably all any Groupon holder can hope for.  Next will be a "kick you while you are down".

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:07 | 1906673 magpie
magpie's picture

Must have missed a coupon payment.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:08 | 1906677 MrPook
MrPook's picture

Looks like a good stock FOR ME TO POOP ON

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:08 | 1906681 Amused2Death
Amused2Death's picture

GroupOFF

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:08 | 1906682 Roland99
Roland99's picture

Robo won't be having a happy thanksgiving over this turkey

 

 

bwa ha ha ha ha ha

 

 

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:08 | 1906683 WVO Biker
WVO Biker's picture

Groupon offer: M.F. Global account 70% OFF

Similarly available in your city - soon.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:44 | 1906762 Ruffcut
Ruffcut's picture

"Corzine takes CEO position at Groupon and will diversify the company into the euro financial centers"- Rueters

"Groupon Changes Name to Poopon." Ceo Corzine states the name change to better reflect the position of the company.- AP

"Groupon Offers Coupons up to 75% off for Shares". GP press release.

"Groupon Takes back donated turkey, named Liberty, from WHite House"- WH press release. Obama didn't mind because he prefers pig meat with alot of lipstick.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:09 | 1906684 Doubleguns
Doubleguns's picture

Slopes should be very good for skiing this year. Just be very careful for the rocky bottom.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:09 | 1906687 peekcrackers
peekcrackers's picture

buy units in tamp-on  , for your bleeding in groupon

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:11 | 1906695 augie
augie's picture

had i seen this before posting, i wouldn't even have bothered. Bully sir. 

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:10 | 1906689 gimli
gimli's picture

Poop on

Groupon

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:10 | 1906690 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Non-subscription GRPN IPO 'day' buyers & GRPN employees with frozen stock are steaming mad right now.

 

 

Oh, sorry, I don't have any joke.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:25 | 1906766 Stax Edwards
Stax Edwards's picture

Low Hanging Fruit, JA

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:28 | 1906776 Use of Weapons
Use of Weapons's picture

Ya...'twas a mixed metaphor on 2.0 tech stocks. Nevermind.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:28 | 1906778 junkyardjack
junkyardjack's picture

Haha, that company will be bankrupt next.  Yes screw over all your employees, that's a good way to keep top talent.  Once you do something like that even the people that are the top talent assume you are fucking them over too since you don't care about the lower levels and they will bounce once their stock vests.  

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:10 | 1906692 Larry Darrell
Larry Darrell's picture

They should have gotten explicit government support like GM so this wouldn't happen........

 

 

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:11 | 1906696 Matt1973
Matt1973's picture

Sing it "Groupon....dot com"

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:11 | 1906701 docmac324
docmac324's picture

Po down Panky, Po down!

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:12 | 1906703 Ineverslice
Ineverslice's picture

GROPING

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:13 | 1906708 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

Morgan Stanley down 20% in a week for leading the scam IPO.

Karma is a BITCH.

Over/under on GRPN hitting the pink sheets:12 months. I will take the under.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:18 | 1906733 fuu
fuu's picture

That's going to be a crowded trade.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:57 | 1906882 tekhneek
tekhneek's picture

You seen the premium's on even 1 month puts on that bitch? It's ridiculously crowded already. Has been since the IPO. I got a few on the ramp up but damn, not as cheap as BAC was or JEF.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 12:01 | 1906895 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

 <=== yes

 <=== no

(paste): Presented with no comment - none at all, not even a wry schadenfreude-ridden smirk. GRPN -13% at $17.40

is tyler bluffing?

Thu, 11/24/2011 - 02:29 | 1909817 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Sometimes, a picture (graph) is indeed worth a thousand wordz! :>D

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:24 | 1906761 Granangry
Granangry's picture

The karma would be better if MS collapsed.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:16 | 1906725 Agent P
Agent P's picture

I almost feel guilty for never using their service.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:17 | 1906727 docmac324
docmac324's picture

So today is a bad day to buy a turkey?

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:18 | 1906732 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

Insert [HAW HAW] here.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:18 | 1906735 Fake Jim Quinn
Fake Jim Quinn's picture

Congress sold their friends and family shares obviously

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:20 | 1906741 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Dr Schadendraud says:

THE GROUPON IPO MODEL

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:26 | 1906771 Dr. No
Dr. No's picture

Thank you.  When I saw the stock chart, I thought to myself I need to see Bonzai's chart to get a true picture of future value.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 14:42 | 1907606 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

We are already down in the churn zone. ;-)

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 22:17 | 1909193 augie
augie's picture

Will,

Don't ever change. 

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:20 | 1906743 junkyardjack
junkyardjack's picture

Groupon.

That is all, no joke needed

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:27 | 1906755 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

Twas a foregone conclusion that Babylon of the coupon would end in a blackswan.  From Taiwan to Milan, every stock Don Juan sat bids withdrawn by the pre-dawn.  Tis nobler to poop-on than to try-on a position in Groupon.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:28 | 1906777 walcott
walcott's picture

check out CNBC website. It looks like a shit Las Vegas Casino advertising website.

All their advertising looks like shitty Las Vegas advertising.

 

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:57 | 1906879 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

JEF is a buy buy buy!!!!

Or is that just a dead bounce?

Hmmm....

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:30 | 1906787 Tsunami Effect
Tsunami Effect's picture

#1 I got 10k Groupon ipo and flipped for 5 points

#2 Our friendship expires in 2 min

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:32 | 1906791 Ayrton
Ayrton's picture

Groupon's stock price aside, it's a handy little website for cheapskates, of which there are likely to be many more in the coming months and years. Sure, IPO's tend to get shat on, but it's not like the company will fall off the face of the Earth just yet.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:39 | 1906811 Stax Edwards
Stax Edwards's picture

We feel your pain Ayrton.  Sorry to hear about your loss.

Who is your broker? I am trying to locate additional shares to short.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 14:54 | 1907669 Use of Weapons
Use of Weapons's picture

Groupon's stock price aside, it's a handy little website for cheapskates, at the expense of small & medium sized businesses, of which there are not likely to be many more in the coming months and years. Sure, IPO's tend to get shat on, and the small and medium sized businesses get shafted by cunts who act like spoilt children, don't add return trade and put off actually loyal customers, but it's not like the company will fall off the face of the Earth just yet, it will attempt to leech off desperate small and medium sized businesses getting creamed in the economic downturn like the vulture it really is.

 

FTFY.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:34 | 1906794 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Groupon is nothing more than a polished turd

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 12:07 | 1906922 cbxer55
cbxer55's picture

Ahhh!, where have I seen references to clean turds before?

"Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional illogical liberal minority & rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous liberal press which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:35 | 1906798 Mr_Wonderful
Mr_Wonderful's picture

Maybe a buy at $5. Seems pretty generous though.

Long-term this business could work.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:39 | 1906815 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

"Long-term this business could work."

I know, right?

I'm still rooting for homegrocer.com.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:55 | 1906868 Mr_Wonderful
Mr_Wonderful's picture

Well, it makes a heck of a lot more sense to bet on the long-term prospects of this at $5 than $32.

At $5 it has a market cap of about $3 billion. I think that´s a reasonable bet.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 12:11 | 1906936 smithcreek
smithcreek's picture

I still can't figure what went wrong with pets.com.  I mean, asking customers to pay $25 to ship a $18 bag of dog food sounds like a great business model to me.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:37 | 1906805 wilburpup
wilburpup's picture

Groupon Pooped on.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:37 | 1906808 Burgess Shale
Burgess Shale's picture

Low-float turds sink faster.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:39 | 1906814 LarryDavis
LarryDavis's picture

when is this optionable?

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:41 | 1906819 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

Please, please, please someone tell me that the State of New Jersey didn't invest any of my pension fund in this dog.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:43 | 1906831 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

...aaand its gone...All gone.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:44 | 1906835 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

what the hell do you care, you are backstopped by the NJ taxpayers (of course that is until they are broke or all move)

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:43 | 1906830 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

what the hell was Google thinking when they offered billions for this crap

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:45 | 1906837 Quinvarius
Quinvarius's picture

They were thinking they needed a way to spend all that money the CIA gives them to gather information.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 12:03 | 1906902 tekhneek
tekhneek's picture

They were probably looking at their traffic numbers and pull on the internet against groupon's and laughing their asses off.

They just wanted the email addresses to consolidate this POS into Google Deals w/ Facebook. Plain and simple.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:45 | 1906839 natty light
natty light's picture

Can't wait for the icanhazcheezburger ipe. Because nothing says click-throughs like funny-things-my-cat-does.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:46 | 1906841 Frank N. Beans
Frank N. Beans's picture

Small Print: Group-on not redeemable for cash.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:46 | 1906844 ThisIsBob
ThisIsBob's picture

Q:  From whom does Groupon get its money?

A:  From merchants who are so desperate for for business that they are willing to sell at 75% off iist to anybody with a mouse.

Now thats funny.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:51 | 1906856 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

No soupon for groupon!!!

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:55 | 1906873 Monedas
Monedas's picture

Pardon me ? Would you happen to have any Grey Groupon ?

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 11:58 | 1906885 stant
stant's picture

ipo now stands for initial public offing

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 12:07 | 1906921 Use of Weapons
Use of Weapons's picture

IPO

"Instigating Public Offal"

"Immediate Public Ordure"

"Inveigling Public Obituary"

 

I could go all day on these...

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 12:00 | 1906892 Lmo Mutton
Lmo Mutton's picture

Next stop GRPN.PK

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 12:03 | 1906901 monopoly
monopoly's picture

Well, why not advertise Las Vegas. Nevada in a depression, outside the Vegas strip it is a disaster. And they will line up at the stores. Amazing.

Zero Hedge called GRPN first at 30, I remember that. Kudos.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 12:07 | 1906918 phraseshifter
phraseshifter's picture

The Grope's-On you!

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 12:15 | 1906951 prains
prains's picture

somebody is madly trying to find a fuckwits anonymous meeting to attend

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 12:23 | 1906986 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

Groupon....

now Groupoff...

just think of "clap off""...

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 12:34 | 1907036 Fix It Again Timmy
Fix It Again Timmy's picture

New Blackhole discovered in the Universe: Groupon!

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 12:35 | 1907043 edmondantes
edmondantes's picture

Worthless coupons are what hyperinflationary regimes hand out to their starving citizens...

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 12:38 | 1907059 John Bull
John Bull's picture

Is Groupon Shares not an anagram for;

 

GONORRHEA PUSS


 
Wed, 11/23/2011 - 12:41 | 1907076 Greater Fool
Greater Fool's picture

Groupwn

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 13:29 | 1907297 malek
malek's picture

Incredible Black Friday stock market deals coming to you!!!

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 13:55 | 1907404 Beau Tox
Beau Tox's picture

Groupon's share earnings simply offal!

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 13:57 | 1907414 Ensowatt
Ensowatt's picture
Have You Ever Used A Coupon From Groupon For Grey Poupon?
Wed, 11/23/2011 - 14:07 | 1907454 Moe Howard
Moe Howard's picture

Gropeon's IPO motto:

You cannot polish a turd, but you can roll one in glitter!!!!

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 18:08 | 1908612 Richard Head
Richard Head's picture

Where's that asshole Robot Trader?

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 20:39 | 1908966 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

I’m thinking Groupon was created for ski jumpers in training.

Wed, 11/23/2011 - 20:42 | 1908972 jarrollin
jarrollin's picture

I see Groupon's slide as another big win for the occupiers!

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