Is It Time For Jefferies CEO Dick Handler To Put His Money Where His Mouth Is And Buy Jefferies Stock?

Tyler Durden's picture

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hedgeless_horseman's picture

He he, he said, "Dick Handler."

toxic8's picture

LOL. Certified douchebag name.

hedgeless_horseman's picture

Maybe he will hire the attorney, Jack Knouff?

Ahmeexnal's picture

Major PM shakedown.
Is JPig going MF Global? That would explain the paper PM selling frenzy.

kito's picture

ahmeexnal, seems more like european fear....of no printing........


Hard1's picture

Dick Handler is putting his mouth where his name is

redpill's picture

There once was a prick named Dick

His portfolio would make anyone sick

He pretends nothing's wrong

During the company's swan song

Golden parachutes make him not care a lick

Bananamerican's picture

one of the best porn names in the Industry....

what a motley group of motherfuckers we have for oligarchs

TruthInSunshine's picture

Somewhere at a Manhattan fine dining establishment (geared towards the douchebaggery crowd of financial engineers that give us fine products such as unicorn valuations, toxic sludge MBS bundles with investment grade ratings, electricity prices out west  based on mark-to-methamphetamine&schizophrenia models & the very best job creation and GDP growing product of all time; hundreds of trillions in derivative bets backstopped by an unknowing taxpayer public):

-And scene-

Paging Dick Handler

Paging Dick Handler

Your wife is on the courtesy phone


Dick Handler remains seated and tries to act all inconspicuous, literally praying that no one who knows him can see him, as he sinks lower into his chair, involuntarily turns beet red at the table where he has just ordered an appetizer and drink, and continues ignoring the page.

At another table in the very same establishment, an example of said aforementioned douchebaggery returns to his table after making a trip to the bathroom & loudly announces: "Hey, I just came across Dick Handler in the restroom."

The Big Ching-aso's picture




I wonder if one glanced does he take a wide stance?

pupton's picture

Damn you "beat" me to it!  Nice name Dick. 

AngryGerman's picture

must have been a love child

LeBalance's picture

nope, that's a hate child.  would anyone that loves their child call him that?

gmrpeabody's picture

"Boy named Sue" syndrome.

orangedrinkandchips's picture

Classic...someone HAD to say it...good job.


Truly beavis adn butthead....good shit.



Buck Johnson's picture

He won't because he knows that Jefferies is on the chopping block.

DogSlime's picture

Oh My God!

He's really called "Dick Handler"???

How appropriate.

It's a fucking pantomime.  I'm increasingly of the opinion that reality is a simulation and the operator is just trying to see how far it can be pushed before it becomes obvious to everyone.

I am a Man I am Forty's picture

"Thanks Mom and Dad, you fucking assholes"

LeBalance's picture

that's where Daddy thought he was when Dick was created.

junkyardjack's picture

He should run for president, at least then we'd know what we were getting

I am a Man I am Forty's picture

These effin vodka ads are out of control.

GeneMarchbanks's picture

You need to stop buying booze online and they'll go away. You alcoholic you...

pupton's picture

Put some Effen vodka in your mouth!  I need a effen Dick Handler tonight!

Mae Kadoodie's picture

Dick Handler hoping for a happy ending.

The Big Ching-aso's picture



Or an end that goes away happy.


If "Handy Dick" is talking out of his ass,  then, yeah, I say he put his money where his mouth is.

Alex Kintner's picture

“Some bond investors sell first and ask questions later."

Well, at least they are selling first and not shooting first.

AccreditedEYE's picture

Maybe Bruce Berkowitz should pitch in and help too. He'll be able to kill 2 birds with 1 stone. LMAO!

WonderDawg's picture

Sorry, a little OT, but is it just me or do things feel a little flash crashy this afternoon?


pupton's picture

I dunno, but WTF is up with PMs today???

WonderDawg's picture

Looks like they're leading the way down...

RobotTrader's picture

Gold investors are shooting first, asking questions later

fuu's picture

Along with everyone else.

Byte Me's picture

First thing if you're named "Dick Handler" is to deed poll it to "John Thomas"

Or "John Handcock".

DormRoom's picture

"Debt the only thing still made in America"

PaperBear's picture

Some bond investors sell first and ask questions later."

Yep, how do you insure capital that you have invested in bonds when CDS will not pay out ? You sell the bond.

RobotTrader's picture

VXX just went vertical, along with TLT and UUP

SMG's picture

ROBO I own vxx and the last time you mentioned it it went down 20 dollars. Don't jinx me, darn it.

lieutenantjohnchard's picture

congratulations 'tard. your brilliant analysis last night was correct when you said that stocks and gold were gonna up unless they go down.

robottrader: lowering the bar ever day through exaggeration and cliche.

topcallingtroll's picture

A tautology is a statement that is true in all contexts, hence meaningless.

You hear them a lot.

The stock market should go up from here unless we see a correction.

Sometimes tautologies are hard to spot.

lieutenantjohnchard's picture

exactly. you said it better than me.

jdelano's picture

wtf happening?  Why I am suddenly making money?

Mactheknife's picture

We'll file this little ditty under the "fool me once.." category.

mynhair's picture

Buying $JEF at .01.

So pretty.

junkyardjack's picture

What rumor is causing the market to crash?

WonderDawg's picture

Reality causes the market to crash, rumors ramp it up.

Randall Cabot's picture

I agree, Money Handler should definitely put his Dick where his mouth is!