Jamie Dimon "Invited" To Testify Before Senate

Tyler Durden's picture


Update: JPMORGAN SAYS DIMON TO AGREE TO TESTIFY TO SENATE. Ummmm, there was an option?

As everyone (or at least Zero Hedge) long expected, JPM's prop trading debacle just got political and senators are about to demonstrate to the world just how little they understand about modern IG9-tranche pair trades. Expect to hear much more about JPM's "shitty" prop deal.

From the Senate Banking Committee:


WASHINGTON -- Senator Tim Johnson (D-SD), Chairman of the Senate Banking Committee, released the following statement regarding the Committee’s upcoming oversight hearings.

"Earlier this week, I announced the Senate Banking Committee would continue its oversight of the implementation of Wall Street reform by holding additional hearings with key financial regulators. The first of these hearings will be held next Tuesday, May 22 and it will provide Banking Committee members the opportunity to hear from the SEC and CFTC. The second hearing will be held on Wednesday, June 6 with the Federal Reserve, FDIC, CFPB, and OCC as well as the Treasury Department. As part of these hearings, I have asked the appropriate regulators to be prepared to update the Committee on the recently reported trading loss by JPMorgan Chase.

Over the past week, my staff and Ranking Member Shelby’s staff have jointly held briefings with regulators regarding the JPMorgan Chase trading loss, as well a briefing with the company itself. Our due diligence has made it clear that the Banking Committee should hear directly from JPMorgan Chase’s CEO Jamie Dimon, and following our two Wall Street reform oversight hearings I plan to invite him to testify. I encourage all of my colleagues on the Banking Committee to participate in these three critically important and timely hearings, so we can all better understand the facts.”

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Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:10 | 2436746 Aziz
Aziz's picture

I hereby invite Jamie Dimon to testify in front of Zero Hedge!

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:14 | 2436772 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

More bad news for Barry


The Vetting - Exclusive - Obama's Literary Agent in 1991 Booklet: 'Born in Kenya and raised in Indonesia and Hawaii'


Breitbart News has obtained a promotional booklet produced in 1991 by Barack Obama's then-literary agency, Acton & Dystel, which touts Obama as "born in Kenya and raised in Indonesia and Hawaii." 

The booklet, which was distributed to "business colleagues" in the publishing industry, includes a brief biography of Obama among the biographies of eighty-nine other authors represented by Acton & Dystel. 

It also promotes Obama's anticipated first book, Journeys in Black and White--which Obama abandoned, later publishing Dreams from My Father instead.


Barack Obama, the first African-American president of the Harvard Law Review, was born in Kenya and raised in Indonesia and Hawaii.  The son of an American anthropologist and a Kenyan finance minister, he attended Columbia University and worked as a financial journalist and editor for Business International Corporation.   He served as project coordinator in Harlem for the New York Public Interest Research Group, and was Executive Director of the Developing Communities Project in Chicago’s South Side. His commitment to social and racial issues will be evident in his first book, Journeys in Black and White.

The booklet, which is thirty-six pages long, is printed in blue ink (and, on the cover, silver/grey ink), using offset lithography. It purports to celebrate the fifteenth anniversary of Acton & Dystel, which was founded in 1976.

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:18 | 2436793 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

I would seriously LOVE to see this to be true.  Not for the point of discrediting the big O himself, as much as I would LOVE to see lamestream media being discredited.  Either way, good fun for popcorn lovers between this and Dimon's "testimony"

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:19 | 2436800 Ahmeexnal
Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:29 | 2436851 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

As per the MF Global circus act:

"Yes, I was CEO of JP Morgan at the time.  But managing the firms finances and derivatives trades in excess of $1B fell out of the scope of my duties.  I ran the bistro on the 8th floor."


Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:32 | 2436873 Colombian Gringo
Colombian Gringo's picture

Nothing will happen to Dimon, in the same way the filthy sack of shit Corzine is still sliming around free despite having stolen billions. This is how things are in a crony capitalist society.

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:51 | 2436960 resurger
resurger's picture

Sleep well... G.Orwell

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 20:12 | 2437905 AldousHuxley
AldousHuxley's picture

Jon Corzine was brought into MF Global via the government connections to revive it. Put NJ pension funds or whatever government funds into MF Global to inject cash so that US can hold on to whoever foreign suckers banking with MF. Why else would you hire ex-governor instead of bankster fresh from Goldman Sachs?


US government knows they are broke and living off of dumb Arabs and Chinese who put their slave wealth into American stocks and banks.


There are industries USA will protect in order to sustain the empire:

  • wall st. (bailout every 10 years)
  • oil (military fights for this)
  • military industrial complex (half of your taxes go here)
  • Corn and Beef (ultimate anti-riot strategy)

"Who controls the food supply controls the people; who controls the energy can control whole continents; who controls money can control the world" Kissinger



Thu, 05/17/2012 - 16:02 | 2436990 fourchan
fourchan's picture



i feel like sticking them with my worthless mortguage, i cant get a rate only refi

but jpm can fuck up 4-5 billion without blinking an eye. fuck him and the fed he rode in on.

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 17:33 | 2437443 flacon
flacon's picture

I am trying to think of ways we can divorce the word "capitalism" from what we have today.


It's like saying Jamie Dimon is a "crony good person". Or, that crack whore is a "crony model".


We have a disfunctional, retarded, make-believe, thieving, fantasy based on a lie that has absolutely nothing to do with capitalism. 

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 19:20 | 2437801 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

No need.  Those bright enough to appreciate the concept already see the farce for what it is.

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:50 | 2436956 The trend is yo...
The trend is your friend's picture

I do not recall

not my fault....i'll find someone to take the fall

above my pay grade......dooh...did i say that

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:58 | 2436984 ihedgemyhedges
ihedgemyhedges's picture

SENATOR: "Follow up question Jamie.  When is our tee time again?"

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:37 | 2436904 badrhino
badrhino's picture

If I had a birthplace, it would look like Kenya.

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:20 | 2436808 xtop23
xtop23's picture

I'm curious. If he were ever found to actually not be an American citizen would that invalidate every executive order he's signed?

The idea of that gives me happy pants.

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:28 | 2436852 Hippocratic Oaf
Hippocratic Oaf's picture

Jamie will make them an offer they can't refuse.

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:36 | 2436896 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

It must be time to Savaren out of here if the game is so rigged in the banks favor that a congressional inquiry is called when a bank takes a loss. The shock and dismay at JPM's hit is so telling. Congress is going to do nothing but stroke Dimon's fragile ego, that's about it.

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:55 | 2436974 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

The inquiry should indeed have happened when JPM had wins as those wins were a direct result of theft.  I concur.

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 18:21 | 2437637 Matt
Matt's picture

Is this going to be the new normal, where the TBTF are expected to have perfect quarters all the time, and there will be a public hearing anytime one of them has a losing day?

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:48 | 2436930 scatterbrains
scatterbrains's picture

Our Bankster overlords installed him precisely because of this flaw so that if the shit hit the fan, proof can suddenly be discovered that dethrones him and (after Biden od's) they can install a provisional bankter overlord to "manage the affairs of the country through the transition"


Thu, 05/17/2012 - 16:13 | 2437048 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

What better bankster overlord than Mitt Romney, one of their own spawn. Obama/Romney, it's all the same. Ron Paul was our only true hope for change.
Going Savaren!!!! Antarctica should be safe.

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:45 | 2436937 BandGap
BandGap's picture

Yes, EVERYTHING he signed as president would be null and void - including laws and executive orders.

It's called a constitutional crisis, dontcha know?

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:48 | 2436949 t_kAyk
t_kAyk's picture


Secretary of State Ken Bennett had promised to ask Hawaii officials for verification of Obama’s documentation, vowing that if answers are not forthcoming, Obama’s name will not be on the ballot.

The assurance came in an email to various constituents in Arizona who had contacted Bennett’s office expressing concern that the name of an ineligible candidate would be presented to voters in November.

“Because of the importance and profile of the president’s case, and at the request of many constituents, I have gone the extra step of asking the state of Hawaii to verify the facts contained in his birth certificate,” Bennett wrote in response to concerns last month. “Hawaii is bound by their own statutes to provide such verifications to other state officials in their official duties.

“With all due respect, the [Arpaio] investigation has not proven anything other than raised probable cause that the birth certificate posted on the White House website ‘may be’ a forgery. The next lawful step would be for the sheriff’s office to turn their findings over to the county attorney for prosecution,” he continued. “Evidence would be brought on both sides and a judge should issue a decision.

“Whether or not that happens, if Hawaii can’t or won’t provide verification of the president’s birth certificate, I will not put his name on the ballot,” he wrote.

“I can tell from the tone and language of your letters that the only acceptable outcome for you is that his name not be on the ballot, period. That may be what happens, but under my watch, it won’t happen based on opinions, petitions, probability or pledges to support or oppose me in the 2014 governor’s race. My oath of office is to uphold the Constitution and laws of our state and country, and I’m going to do that by following the law,” he said.

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:54 | 2436968 robertocarlos
robertocarlos's picture

Obama is the CEO of a corporation. He doesn't have to be an American citizen.

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 16:08 | 2437024 Seer
Seer's picture

Ho hum... clowns to the Left of me, jokers to the Right...

Heard the same shit about G.W. Bush, AWOL etc.  And if I were so inclined to WASTE precious time I'm sure that I could pick out similar shit for EVERY POTUS.

How this differs from people wasting their time watching Dancing With Stars I haven't a clue.  Keep it up, you're doing a fine job running distraction while I continue to prepare for the "world after"...

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 16:18 | 2437089 sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

"Heard the same shit about G.W. Bush, AWOL etc."

Unfortunately, that was the misdirection, although somewhat accurate.

Having gone through USAF basic training shortly after Bush phased out of it (that's washed out in civilian terminology, he only made it for four weeks in an eight-week training camp), we still heard the TI's laughing and joking about that slacker-loser rich Representative's son (which Bushie senior was around that time).

So Bush never made it through basic training, yet returned to Houston where Pappy bush pinned officer's bars on his should? ? ?

Anyone recall ever actually going through flight school with Geo. W. Bush? ? ?

Now Johnny Boehner, present drunk-as-a-skunk and twice as dumb, Speaker of the House, also washed out that very same year (1968) of Navy boot camp, but didn't receive any further compensation the way Bushie did.

Although, Boehner later fraudulently (felony at the time) falsely claimed military service during Vietnam when he first ran for the House.

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:14 | 2436773 SHEEPFUKKER

Dog meets pony. 

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:39 | 2436911 pods
pods's picture

If I am going to watch a pony show, this one ain't it!


Thu, 05/17/2012 - 18:37 | 2437673 PoliticalRefuge...
PoliticalRefugeefromCalif.'s picture

more like dog and pony show at a Tijuana bar...

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:15 | 2436775 lostintheflood
lostintheflood's picture

wouldn't that be mahvelous....

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:22 | 2436819 vast-dom
vast-dom's picture

Dimon doesn't even understand what modern IG9-tranche pair trades are!

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:35 | 2436886 midgetrannyporn
midgetrannyporn's picture

That's when you have short junk, go good and long up the ass, cover your tail to prevent getting effed but then you end up shitting out all your profits.

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:36 | 2436899 resurger
resurger's picture






c ya

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:41 | 2436914 Seer
Seer's picture

Nice little get-together at Town Center, Noon.

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 16:29 | 2437148 Dingleberry
Dingleberry's picture

I'm sure he will receive the same deferential treatment from that esteemed body that his buddy Corzine did....

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:15 | 2436780 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture


Damn, beat me by seconds.

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:22 | 2436824 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

i am looking more forward to reading the life story about The New Kids on The Block

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:11 | 2436754 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Does anyone think this moron knows what Sarbanes Oxley and Rule 10b5 are!

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:19 | 2436798 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

Shit, I don't even think he knows the difference between mark-to-model vs. mark-to-market. 

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:41 | 2436918 resurger
resurger's picture

The 5th

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:47 | 2436945 Convolved Man
Convolved Man's picture

I hope he has to bring a thick ass 3-ring binder overflowing with pages of trade records and e-mails to flip through while being peppered with innocuous questions.

Nothing more disarming to one's credibility as everyone waits for you to thumb to the right page.

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 16:20 | 2437102 sgt_doom
sgt_doom's picture

No, but as the most witty commenter here today mentioned, he does know how to run the Bistro.

(assuming he wasn't referring to JPMC's B.I.S.T.R.O.?)

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:11 | 2436755 pods
pods's picture

Careful, if they ask him about steroid use and he lies they will toss him in jail!

He better stick to lying about finance.


Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:26 | 2436839 AL_SWEARENGEN

Why don't they also INVITE him to comment on the ongoing lawsuit & CFTC investigation against them for rigging the Silver market.  Oh wait, those cocksuckerz in congress are complicit!!  Never mind.

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:13 | 2436763 midgetrannyporn
midgetrannyporn's picture

I invite dimon to blow me.

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:20 | 2436802 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

I'd give him a Cleveland steamer over letting those vile lips touching my most prized possession.

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:25 | 2436766 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

'Update: JPMORGAN SAYS DIMON TO AGREE TO TESTIFY TO SENATE. Uhm, there was an option?'

Does JPMorgan make all decisions on behalf of Demon?

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:14 | 2436768 icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

I predict a) he will "decline" the invitation; b) he will not be sworn/under oath, or c) he will take the Fifth at some point in the testimony.

Thu, 05/17/2012 - 15:20 | 2436803 bdc63
bdc63's picture

b).  he won't be sworn in, but he'll show ... and he'll talk ciricles around them ... and he'll say more regulation wouldn't have changed one single thing about the hedge, 'cause it was completely compliant ... and at no point was the taxpayer ever at risk ... bs .... bs .... bs ....

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