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Jamie Dimon Sees No Need To Wait For Stress Test Release: Announces Dividend Hike, Stock Buyback

Tyler Durden's picture


Update: And so they come storming in, as the WSJ reports that Bank of America is the next to frontrun the Fed's public announcement, and announce it passed the stress test. However, unlike JPM it says it has not asked for new buybacks, or dividend increases. No surprise there.

There was a time when banks would at least pretend to pay lip service to the Fed. Those days are gone. Two days before the Fed is scheduled to release stress test results, JP Morgan's Jamie Dimon has decided to show the folks at Liberty 33, but more importantly the world, that it is "good enough" and has proceeded with announcing a $0.05 dividend hike as well as a $15 billion stock buyback (in effect increasing its leverage further by reducing its statutory equity). Since we are now obviously replaying the entire credit crisis, from beginning to end, must as well go all in. Now - who's next? And perhaps just as importantly, who isn't.


From the Press Release:

JPMorgan Chase & Co. (NYSE: JPM - News) today announced the following actions taken by its Board of Directors:

  • Declared a quarterly dividend of $0.30 per share on the corporation's common stock, an increase of $0.05 per share. The dividend is payable on April 30, 2012 to stockholders of record at the close of business on April 5, 2012
  • Authorized a new $15 billion equity repurchase program, of which up to $12 billion is approved for 2012 and up to an additional $3 billion is approved through the end of the first quarter of 2013

Remarking on the dividend action and repurchase authorization, Jamie Dimon, Chairman and CEO, said, "We are pleased to be in a position to increase our dividend and to establish a new equity repurchase program. We expect to generate significant capital and deploy that capital to the benefit of our shareholders. JPMorgan Chase continues to invest in our substantial organic growth opportunities as our top priority and best use of capital. We expect to repurchase, at a minimum, approximately the same amount of shares that we issue for employee stock-based incentive awards. Beyond this, we intend to repurchase equity only when we are generating capital in excess of what we need to fund our organic growth and when we think it provides excellent value to our existing shareholders."

The Federal Reserve has informed the Firm that it completed its 2012 Comprehensive Capital Analysis and Review (“CCAR”) and that it did not object to the Firm’s proposed capital distributions submitted pursuant to CCAR.

The timing and exact amount of common stock and warrant purchases will be consistent with the Firm’s capital plan and will depend on various factors, including market conditions, the Firm's capital position, internal capital generation, and organic investment opportunities. The new repurchase program does not include specific price targets, may be executed through open market purchases or privately negotiated transactions, including utilizing Rule 10b5-1 programs, and may be suspended at any time. The equity repurchase program replaces the prior $15 billion program that had approximately $6.05 billion of remaining authorization.


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Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:21 | 2251391 SDRII
SDRII's picture

Cold Case: what happen to Wells former CFO

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:31 | 2251456 Rahm
Rahm's picture


Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:04 | 2251606 trav7777
trav7777's picture

how hard is it to pass a stress test when you have unlimited cash from the Fed?

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:19 | 2251690 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

How funny it would be if JPM all of a sudden, didn't look so good at 4:30....

Oh well..., I can dream.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:17 | 2251673 Tuffmug
Tuffmug's picture

Mr. Dimon also expressed his gratitude to Mr. John Corzine, the bankruptcy Trustee, the CFTC, and the MFG board for their generous "donation" of $1.6 billion toward the share buyback.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:22 | 2251395 knight99
knight99's picture

fed is for show.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:48 | 2251527 hmn
hmn's picture

If everyone passes the "stress tests" doesn't that mean that no one has passed anything?  No one will "fail" since that would kill the failing institution.  So, that means everyone passes and therfore evertone also fails.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:21 | 2251698 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

There mustn't be any low esteem...

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:22 | 2251397 drbill
drbill's picture

When you own the FED, why bother asking permission from the FED?

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:28 | 2251437 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

Split personality.... The worst kind...

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:10 | 2251635 jayman21
jayman21's picture


Jamie is still a director at the Fed as well.


Class A

Name Title Term expires
December 31
James Dimon Chairman and Chief Executive Officer
JPMorgan Chase & Co.
New York, New York 2012
Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:29 | 2251446 macholatte
macholatte's picture



Highway bill is worth billions to companies owned by Soros, Pickens, Douglas

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:29 | 2251451 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

+1, exactly.  Be like me asking myself if it's ok if I have another drink.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:23 | 2251707 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

Speaking of which...

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:22 | 2251399 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Market activity today sure looked like this was leaked out earlier in the day

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:22 | 2251402 loveyajimbo
loveyajimbo's picture

Dimon is a slimy crook and no decent American would have anything to do with him or his corrupt casino.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:33 | 2251445 LouisDega
LouisDega's picture

Give him a break. The guy always has fresh coffee and cookies at my local branch, Not to mention very nice tellers.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:51 | 2251842 AustriAnnie
AustriAnnie's picture

Proudly serving "fair trade" coffee?

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 20:48 | 2252515 unununium
unununium's picture

> fresh coffee and cookies at my local branch

And a rent-a-cop.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:23 | 2251404 The Swedish Chef
The Swedish Chef's picture

Is this what just sent S&P500 up in a straight line?

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:24 | 2251413 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

Dimon with an "in your face" front run kick in the nuts.  Asshole.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:24 | 2251414 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

A-one and a-two and a-three, repeat-a after me...


Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:50 | 2251538 wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture

Strike up the band...

"Happy Days Are Here Again"

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 19:57 | 2252354 UP Forester
UP Forester's picture

Might as well.  Need some music to re-arrange all these deck chairs, anyhow....

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:25 | 2251416 monopoly
monopoly's picture

And on and on it goes. Glad no one here shorts insanity.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:25 | 2251417 distopiandreamboy
distopiandreamboy's picture

THis time it it's different! WE know we'll get bailed out.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:29 | 2251442 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture


Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:25 | 2251418 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Give them enough rope and let the fuckers blow the whole damn thing up.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:30 | 2251455 tmosley
tmosley's picture

Debt-cord, bitchez.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:25 | 2251419 hack3434
hack3434's picture

We'll get the crash we deserve...this is just ridiculous.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:25 | 2251421 Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

I see the old 'Bazooka' horseshit is back.

You think everyone will buy into this time?  What about next time?  Or the next time?  Or.

You have GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.  Seriously, they think this kind of stupid fucking shit actually works on people?  What go EVEN BIGGER tomorrow.

Well, one thing is for sure, I'll never forget this shit until the day I die.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:50 | 2251835 AustriAnnie
AustriAnnie's picture

this stupid fucking shit actually works on people.



Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:26 | 2251423 SHEEPFUKKER

Hmmm, ZIRP forever, yet banks offering dividends.  That sounds about right. 

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:30 | 2251452 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

What else can they do with the bank deposits of comon folk?

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:38 | 2251491 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Steal them, ala MF Global.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:26 | 2251424 AldoHux_IV
AldoHux_IV's picture

So stealing from MFG, Chase borrowers, & being the rehypothecation whore that is JPM gives them the right to seem a lot stronger then they really are and sucker in those foolish to believe the hype.

Can't wait til these criminal inbred psychopaths get what's coming to them.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:40 | 2251498 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

"Can't wait til these criminal inbred psychopaths get what's coming to them"

People have been saying that for over a hundred years.  hedge accordingly.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:27 | 2251434 Cursive
Cursive's picture

"Sit down Ben, I've got this one."

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:28 | 2251438 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

Only eight points shy of S&P 1400.

Go bullish or go home!

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:28 | 2251440 ReallySparky
ReallySparky's picture

Seriously, Jamie is fat with 1.2 Billion in cash from MF Global.  It's all good.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:33 | 2251443 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

This must have been a "whisper better than expected" earlier in the day.

Profits used from tax payer bailout funds to buy back your own stock is the new killing it!

40x leverage is the new solution.

JPM dividend is the new QE.

More Dimon less Bernanke. 

#buy buy buy

Odd that BAC did not get permission for a new dividend increase or a buy back. 

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:30 | 2251454 Chappy
Chappy's picture

hey Tyler, what is the market volume like today.  Are people actually buying in droves?  What gave the market it's huge boner today.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:27 | 2251722 Fidel Sarcastro
Fidel Sarcastro's picture

Like Jamie said to Bermonkey - I got this one Tyler...

ES volume was better than the recent 10-day average, but for a move of this magnitude it still sucked at just barely over 2-mln. Today's volume was 14% LESS than the selling volume of March 6th; however, aggressive buyers over sellers (buy stops) were hugely one-sided: +4.14% of the TOTAL volume. 

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:31 | 2251460 firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

Is China dumping their TSY's in response to today's teleprompter speech?

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:32 | 2251465 TradingJoe
TradingJoe's picture

I will love some more PHYZZZ at LOWER LEVELS :)))

OH BAC "did it again", too :))

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:33 | 2251466 DavidC
DavidC's picture

Is this where the final bears give up?


Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:28 | 2251741 Fidel Sarcastro
Fidel Sarcastro's picture

Not giving up - they're being "taken out."

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:36 | 2251472 JuicyGrabs
JuicyGrabs's picture

Headlines: "JP Morgan aka Fed proxy gov pet stimulated market with dividend announcement&buyback after initial Fed announcement was met with disappointment"

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:35 | 2251474 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

Bring me the head of Jamie Dimon on a fucking stick!

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:45 | 2251517 earleflorida
earleflorida's picture

greeks do make tasty sausage

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:37 | 2251481 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

And the banks win again (especially banks that are part owners of the Fed).  Any fucking questions?  in other news, BofA is about to be "made".  Is it a set-up?  Place your bets.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:56 | 2251559 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

ask Joe Pesci

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:39 | 2251494 Non Passaran
Non Passaran's picture

What a travesty!

Stocks zooming up like there's no tomorrow, silver & gold getting bombed to stone age. WTF.   

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:52 | 2251545 Vince Clortho
Vince Clortho's picture

It's almost like these CB guys have complete control and can manipulate equities and currencies at their whim, and then brag about it.

Thank the gods we have a fair and free market.


Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:39 | 2251496 bullet
bullet's picture

think anyone will check to see how LONG their trading desk was before the news...

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:39 | 2251497 Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

BAC is a winner, winner, chicken dinner also.

They passed the depression stress test also....

OH my fucking god...I have to lay down with a cold rag on my head.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:41 | 2251500 WTF2
WTF2's picture

Thank You MF Global depositors for the dividend increase!!

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:43 | 2251501 earleflorida
earleflorida's picture

"sire bernake's, 'twisting the night away', is a great litmus test for an  inane technocratic failure, predicated on endurance of ones flesh,... in which gravity always wins" 

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:42 | 2251505 hellas4life
hellas4life's picture

the muppets on cnbc can barely control themselves

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:43 | 2251507 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

Seven points from 1400.

Hey, don't hate the non-player...

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:43 | 2251508 Conman
Conman's picture

So Buy the rumor Buy the news now! Lol.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:43 | 2251511 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

Can we start torching banks now?

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:45 | 2251516 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture


Because Dimon jumped the gun, Fed forced to release stress tests this afternoon. Two days early.

Any question about who runs whom?

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:51 | 2251542 Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

Yea, I'm sure it was an 'accident'...Jesus fucking Christ, are you that naive?

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 23:03 | 2252892 WillyGroper
WillyGroper's picture

You're going to have an anger stroke. Take a bromide.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:46 | 2251520 ivars
ivars's picture

Today is exactly one year since my long term silver spot price prediction chart was created and published on March 13th, 2011, here:

Disregard most of the text, please, except advice for silver buying in the end:

[quote]So, keep silver, but You can buy or repurchase it cheaper during 2011-early 2012 than now. [/quote]

I will take the opportunity given by this anniversary to analyze the charts accuracy during and over one year.

One year ago, on Friday, March 11, 2011, Silver closing spot price was 35,9USD/Oz. In my chart on March 13,2011 I predicted that Silver closing spot price on March 13th, 2012 will be 32,5 USD/oz. Today it is 33,2 as I write. So the accuracy of this END-to-END prediction over one year period is about 2 %.

Here You can see the shorter term part of the same chart ( red color) with comparison to actual silver spot prices over the year period. I would like to suggest what would have been stacker actions he/she would have followed the chart:

1) He/she  would never had bought silver above 32,5 USD but waited until it falls below it-except if he wanted to make short term profit on the peaks and troughs in April and August-September by going long before the peak and short at or after the peak.

2) He/she would have bought like hell in October 2011 when closing price was in the range 30-32

3) He/she would have been happily surprised by drop in December -January 2012 and buying with all his money when price went even below 30 USD

4) He/she would have never fallen into traps of April , August-September, October -November and February 2012 excitement and would not have bought above 32,5 -sold may be to make profit and bough back later.

Of course, no one is able to believe in any chart so much, especially from an unknown source, but some reliance on it after it had proved quite accurate ( don't by above 32,5) would have helped after September crash.

But now the scary part comes to test the chart- the fast raise and drop in silver which according to original chart should start already on April 1st 2012, and reach peak by October 2012, OR, according to the same chart that was little bit tuned (green)  in October 17th, 2011- slower and later ( from mid June 2012, with a real sharp rise starting mid September, double top November-December 2012).

From both charts, I would say start to believe its going to hit 60-70 in 2012  once its over 45-50  But there will be a crash again, so buying above 45-50 without intent to sell at the peak is not advisable.

Can't wait to see what will happen. I do not trade, but have bought some physical gold to test own charting. If I am as lucky as usual in financial matters, I will loose money. Hope that helps.

All my prediction charts are in one place here:

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:46 | 2254723 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

hey Ivars. Been looking at your charts while waiting for my account to be activated. I re-worked one of them with GIMP. What do you think?

I actually have CSV data for the DOW & the S&P and applied the curves linearly originally but I felt like being lazy this time so I just used a bezier curve to approximate the results. Generally it was 1.05 to the power of price, graphed, with lines set to connect peaks & dips.

Older charts showing that:

actual prices, SPY ETF, ... and the curves forced to be linear (re-shaping the price chart to find patterns):

given how much you like prediction charts I was wondering what you'd think of the ones I did for gold. Sometimes I map silver prices using the gold charts but often I'm too lazy. I like to use a scatterplot to find the moving pattern of silver vs gold when I go that far.

haven't updated this scatter-plot in a while ...

but these gold price chart models are more up to date (still not right up to date):

upward projection (not apparently working out so well at this time)

downward projection (definitely working right now)

and both put together with the rate of change to indicate the math, graphically, for how I derived the models:

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:04 | 2254835 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

here's one of my old silver prediction charts,


I must admit I'm not quite sure how yours works. Is that something you share?

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:48 | 2251529 Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

Stress test result today at 4:30 EST because 'some banks leaked the results'.



Everyone pile in the mini-van, WE'RE GOING TO DAIRY QUEEEN!!!

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:51 | 2251543 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

Every insolvent bank in America passing a stress test against the possibility of 13% Unemployment, a 50% drop in stock market and an additional 21% drop in Real Estate prices.


Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:49 | 2251533 junkyardjack
junkyardjack's picture

Gold is on sale

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:50 | 2251537 SDRII
SDRII's picture

quad expirations massacre just like old days all we need is a short ban - oh wait nobody trading anyway

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:50 | 2251540 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

Now just six points from 1400.

Oooh, I just loves me countdowns!

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:53 | 2254771 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

Sure is one HELL of a gamed market! Matter of fact, I couldn't help but notice something the other day:

I find it confusing that Dow & oil are moving together like this, given that oil should be ruled by fundamentals of supply & quasi-fundamentals of conflict in the supply areas, yet the Dow is not all about oil & this makes me question the timing. Many say it's a fool's game to time the market, then again, maybe it's a bankrupt game not to in some cases. IN particular I'm now curious if we should be expecting oil very soon over 120 with the Dow on a rocket or if somehow we should expect a near-term rapid decline in the Dow, S&P, TSX, just to scare people, which coincides with oil slamming down to say... $95/barrel WTI & $110 Brent?

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:51 | 2251541 gjp
gjp's picture

Does JPM even mark to market?  Guess they don't have to - any shortfalls caused by dividend or buyback will be made whole by guess who.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:21 | 2254940 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

Mark to market? Hahaha why mark to market when you can mark to milk-shake?

(or - please let me know if the short URLs fail for some reason)

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:52 | 2251544 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

Dimon just told the Fed to go fuck off ...

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:52 | 2251546 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Jump You Fuckers

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:52 | 2251550 Monoki
Monoki's picture

Tyler. Ön 100%-ban hibás három évig. Nagy negatív alfa


Gyakorold a Goldman egykori magyar

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:54 | 2251554 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

If banks are so fucking healthy...why do we have ZIRP forever? Or is that why they're healthy?

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:03 | 2251601 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

ZIRP4evr is for the Federal Government.

It ceased being for the banks 18 months ago. The banks would prefer higher rates.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:50 | 2251837 blindman
blindman's picture

but the federal government exists for the future of
the bankstas. no?

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:27 | 2251736 Vince Clortho
Vince Clortho's picture

Its really very simple.  Raising the interest rate now kills the goose that is laying the golden eggs.  If you are running the planet, wealthy beyond description, printing money at your leisure - why do something dumb that might put the U.S. into a downward spiral that could possibly awaken the masses to notice the nameless entities who are raking over $4.5 Trillion/year even at current rates?  Why break the camel's back?

ZIRP is not a policy, it is a survival choice for the guys who are in charge of Casino Earth.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:06 | 2251621 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Saved by Zero

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:57 | 2251872 blindman
blindman's picture
Shock Talk with Bloom and Steele
Click here to see a complete list of available episodes.
Elizabeth Warren On AIG Tax Break: It's An Extra Bailout Worth Billions
By DANIEL WAGNER 03/12/12 04:19 PM ET
"WASHINGTON -- Former members of a congressional panel that oversaw bailouts during the financial crisis blasted the Treasury Department on Monday for quietly granting a tax break worth billions to insurance giant American International Group.

The tax break amounts to a "stealth bailout" on top of the $182 billion that AIG received from the government, and it unfairly helps AIG, its shareholders and executives, former oversight panel chair Elizabeth Warren and others said.

Warren, who also is a consumer advocate and Democratic candidate for U.S. Senate from Massachusetts, told reporters that tax breaks accounted for 90 percent of AIG profits last quarter.

"We think it's time for Congress to end the special tax break," she said." .....

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 17:59 | 2252051 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

Gee, and coming out of bonus season having stuffed employees and management with all that stock, what better way to boost morale.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 20:34 | 2252473 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

Wow, a $2.85 increase in the share price on a $0.05 per quarter dividend increase. By my simple calc that takes over 14 years to recover, even at 0% interest. Am I really supposed to make this kind of  commitment to a firm who's long term horizon is 90 days?

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:59 | 2254806 MeelionDollerBogus
MeelionDollerBogus's picture

Ya, no kidding. I actually feel kinda silly that a few weeks ago I got a BAC straddle. Had I used the same $ input to do that for JPM I'd be taking the profits now, even able to run it again. Well, just for shits 'n' giggles I did a JPM straddle today. Only just over 60 days on it. I'll hazard a guess if the SPY ETF moves down to 133 I'll hit one break-even, given how much JPM moves with the SP500, and if for some insane reason it goes to 147 instead, I guess that's what correlates to the other one. Should be interesting... that's about as much time commitment I'd put in for a company that doesn't care what's 90+ days out & is mostly based on (winning) frauds.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 21:18 | 2252604 cnhedge
cnhedge's picture

this is huge news! a bank is buying back its shares? no crisis whatsoever.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!