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Jamie Dimon Sees No Need To Wait For Stress Test Release: Announces Dividend Hike, Stock Buyback

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Update: And so they come storming in, as the WSJ reports that Bank of America is the next to frontrun the Fed's public announcement, and announce it passed the stress test. However, unlike JPM it says it has not asked for new buybacks, or dividend increases. No surprise there.

There was a time when banks would at least pretend to pay lip service to the Fed. Those days are gone. Two days before the Fed is scheduled to release stress test results, JP Morgan's Jamie Dimon has decided to show the folks at Liberty 33, but more importantly the world, that it is "good enough" and has proceeded with announcing a $0.05 dividend hike as well as a $15 billion stock buyback (in effect increasing its leverage further by reducing its statutory equity). Since we are now obviously replaying the entire credit crisis, from beginning to end, must as well go all in. Now - who's next? And perhaps just as importantly, who isn't.

 

From the Press Release:

JPMorgan Chase & Co. (NYSE: JPM - News) today announced the following actions taken by its Board of Directors:

  • Declared a quarterly dividend of $0.30 per share on the corporation's common stock, an increase of $0.05 per share. The dividend is payable on April 30, 2012 to stockholders of record at the close of business on April 5, 2012
  • Authorized a new $15 billion equity repurchase program, of which up to $12 billion is approved for 2012 and up to an additional $3 billion is approved through the end of the first quarter of 2013

Remarking on the dividend action and repurchase authorization, Jamie Dimon, Chairman and CEO, said, "We are pleased to be in a position to increase our dividend and to establish a new equity repurchase program. We expect to generate significant capital and deploy that capital to the benefit of our shareholders. JPMorgan Chase continues to invest in our substantial organic growth opportunities as our top priority and best use of capital. We expect to repurchase, at a minimum, approximately the same amount of shares that we issue for employee stock-based incentive awards. Beyond this, we intend to repurchase equity only when we are generating capital in excess of what we need to fund our organic growth and when we think it provides excellent value to our existing shareholders."

The Federal Reserve has informed the Firm that it completed its 2012 Comprehensive Capital Analysis and Review (“CCAR”) and that it did not object to the Firm’s proposed capital distributions submitted pursuant to CCAR.

The timing and exact amount of common stock and warrant purchases will be consistent with the Firm’s capital plan and will depend on various factors, including market conditions, the Firm's capital position, internal capital generation, and organic investment opportunities. The new repurchase program does not include specific price targets, may be executed through open market purchases or privately negotiated transactions, including utilizing Rule 10b5-1 programs, and may be suspended at any time. The equity repurchase program replaces the prior $15 billion program that had approximately $6.05 billion of remaining authorization.

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Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:21 | 2251391 SDRII
SDRII's picture

Cold Case: what happen to Wells former CFO

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:31 | 2251456 Rahm
Rahm's picture

DIMON YOU ARE A F'IN POS

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:04 | 2251606 trav7777
trav7777's picture

how hard is it to pass a stress test when you have unlimited cash from the Fed?

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:19 | 2251690 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

How funny it would be if JPM all of a sudden, didn't look so good at 4:30....

Oh well..., I can dream.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:17 | 2251673 Tuffmug
Tuffmug's picture

Mr. Dimon also expressed his gratitude to Mr. John Corzine, the bankruptcy Trustee, the CFTC, and the MFG board for their generous "donation" of $1.6 billion toward the share buyback.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:22 | 2251395 knight99
knight99's picture

fed is for show.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:48 | 2251527 hmn
hmn's picture

If everyone passes the "stress tests" doesn't that mean that no one has passed anything?  No one will "fail" since that would kill the failing institution.  So, that means everyone passes and therfore evertone also fails.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:21 | 2251698 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

There mustn't be any low esteem...

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:22 | 2251397 drbill
drbill's picture

When you own the FED, why bother asking permission from the FED?

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:28 | 2251437 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

Split personality.... The worst kind...

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:10 | 2251635 jayman21
jayman21's picture

http://www.federalreserve.gov/generalinfo/listdirectors/

 

Jamie is still a director at the Fed as well.

 

DISTRICT 2 - NEW YORK        
Class A

Name Title Term expires
December 31
James Dimon Chairman and Chief Executive Officer
JPMorgan Chase & Co.
New York, New York 2012
Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:29 | 2251446 macholatte
macholatte's picture

FASCISM BITCHEZ!

 

Highway bill is worth billions to companies owned by Soros, Pickens, Douglas

http://www.humanevents.com/article.php?id=50163

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:29 | 2251451 Al Huxley
Al Huxley's picture

+1, exactly.  Be like me asking myself if it's ok if I have another drink.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:23 | 2251707 gmrpeabody
gmrpeabody's picture

Speaking of which...

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:22 | 2251399 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

Market activity today sure looked like this was leaked out earlier in the day

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:22 | 2251402 loveyajimbo
loveyajimbo's picture

Dimon is a slimy crook and no decent American would have anything to do with him or his corrupt casino.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:33 | 2251445 LouisDega
LouisDega's picture

Give him a break. The guy always has fresh coffee and cookies at my local branch, Not to mention very nice tellers.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:51 | 2251842 AustriAnnie
AustriAnnie's picture

Proudly serving "fair trade" coffee?

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 20:48 | 2252515 unununium
unununium's picture

> fresh coffee and cookies at my local branch

And a rent-a-cop.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:23 | 2251404 The Swedish Chef
The Swedish Chef's picture

Is this what just sent S&P500 up in a straight line?

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:24 | 2251413 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

Dimon with an "in your face" front run kick in the nuts.  Asshole.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:24 | 2251414 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

A-one and a-two and a-three, repeat-a after me...

Bull-ish!

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:50 | 2251538 wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture

Strike up the band...

"Happy Days Are Here Again"

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 19:57 | 2252354 UP Forester
UP Forester's picture

Might as well.  Need some music to re-arrange all these deck chairs, anyhow....

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:25 | 2251416 monopoly
monopoly's picture

And on and on it goes. Glad no one here shorts insanity.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:25 | 2251417 distopiandreamboy
distopiandreamboy's picture

THis time it it's different! WE know we'll get bailed out.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:29 | 2251442 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

Spoiler...

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:25 | 2251418 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Give them enough rope and let the fuckers blow the whole damn thing up.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:30 | 2251455 tmosley
tmosley's picture

Debt-cord, bitchez.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:25 | 2251419 hack3434
hack3434's picture

We'll get the crash we deserve...this is just ridiculous.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:25 | 2251421 Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

I see the old 'Bazooka' horseshit is back.

You think everyone will buy into this time?  What about next time?  Or the next time?  Or.

You have GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.  Seriously, they think this kind of stupid fucking shit actually works on people?  What go EVEN BIGGER tomorrow.

Well, one thing is for sure, I'll never forget this shit until the day I die.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:50 | 2251835 AustriAnnie
AustriAnnie's picture

this stupid fucking shit actually works on people.

sorry.

 

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:26 | 2251423 SHEEPFUKKER
SHEEPFUKKER's picture

Hmmm, ZIRP forever, yet banks offering dividends.  That sounds about right. 

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:30 | 2251452 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

What else can they do with the bank deposits of comon folk?

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:38 | 2251491 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Steal them, ala MF Global.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:26 | 2251424 AldoHux_IV
AldoHux_IV's picture

So stealing from MFG, Chase borrowers, & being the rehypothecation whore that is JPM gives them the right to seem a lot stronger then they really are and sucker in those foolish to believe the hype.

Can't wait til these criminal inbred psychopaths get what's coming to them.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:40 | 2251498 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

"Can't wait til these criminal inbred psychopaths get what's coming to them"

People have been saying that for over a hundred years.  hedge accordingly.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:27 | 2251434 Cursive
Cursive's picture

"Sit down Ben, I've got this one."

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:28 | 2251438 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

Only eight points shy of S&P 1400.

Go bullish or go home!

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:28 | 2251440 ReallySparky
ReallySparky's picture

Seriously, Jamie is fat with 1.2 Billion in cash from MF Global.  It's all good.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:33 | 2251443 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

This must have been a "whisper better than expected" earlier in the day.

Profits used from tax payer bailout funds to buy back your own stock is the new killing it!

40x leverage is the new solution.

JPM dividend is the new QE.

More Dimon less Bernanke. 

#buy buy buy

Odd that BAC did not get permission for a new dividend increase or a buy back. 

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:30 | 2251454 Chappy
Chappy's picture

hey Tyler, what is the market volume like today.  Are people actually buying in droves?  What gave the market it's huge boner today.

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:27 | 2251722 Fidel Sarcastro
Fidel Sarcastro's picture

Like Jamie said to Bermonkey - I got this one Tyler...

ES volume was better than the recent 10-day average, but for a move of this magnitude it still sucked at just barely over 2-mln. Today's volume was 14% LESS than the selling volume of March 6th; however, aggressive buyers over sellers (buy stops) were hugely one-sided: +4.14% of the TOTAL volume. 

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:31 | 2251460 firstdivision
firstdivision's picture

Is China dumping their TSY's in response to today's teleprompter speech?

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:32 | 2251465 TradingJoe
TradingJoe's picture

I will love some more PHYZZZ at LOWER LEVELS :)))

OH BAC "did it again", too :))

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:33 | 2251466 DavidC
DavidC's picture

Is this where the final bears give up?

DavidC

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 16:28 | 2251741 Fidel Sarcastro
Fidel Sarcastro's picture

Not giving up - they're being "taken out."

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:36 | 2251472 JuicyGrabs
JuicyGrabs's picture

Headlines: "JP Morgan aka Fed proxy gov pet stimulated market with dividend announcement&buyback after initial Fed announcement was met with disappointment"

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:35 | 2251474 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

Bring me the head of Jamie Dimon on a fucking stick!

Tue, 03/13/2012 - 15:45 | 2251517 earleflorida
earleflorida's picture

greeks do make tasty sausage

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