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Jamie Dimon Warns Employees To Stay Mum On Muppetgate
As Goldman's Muppet-Gate moves from the pink sheets to the Today Show, the Fed-ignorer-in-chief has sent down the message to the holier-than-thou throng at JTMarlin JPMorgan that thou shalt not use the word of Greg Smith in vain. While GS once did God's work, Jamie Dimon's message to his people that "I want to be clear that I don't want anyone here to seek advantage from a competitor's alleged issues or hearsay - ever. It's not the way we do business," Reuters is reporting that Dimon's memo has been distributed to a wider audience with JPMorgan after initially being for the global operating committee. Unfortunately, as every sell-side competitor and buy-side client or prospect knows, its sheer hypocrisy since every dealer is just as likely to fall in the eat-what-you-kill, manipulate-the-Muppets, take-em-on-the-exits camp as this (now described as disgruntled) employee from Goldman so bitterly recounts. Keep up the good work and the next time we want to unwind those CDS, please don't stretch the bid-ask too far, pretty please.
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"Reuters is reporting that Dimon's memo has been distributed to a wider audience"
How convenient!
A little too close for comfort with Jefferson County being muppet land, dontcha' know!
'Friend' who works for JPM tried to expose me in front of other acquaintances as my firm being a 'chop-shop' or 'churn and burn' so to speak.
As I started my rebuttal against his allegations, I started with the term Vampire Squid and went immediately to JeffCo., AL and how his bank completely destroyed that entire state (if you think about it).
Then I went to PM manipulation and did not let him get a word in.
Interesting evening. We speak no more.
Here in London some very senior JPM traders have `party habits` that make their continued employment quite astonishing. The incredible thing is they see no great need to hide the fact from anybody who happens to rub shoulders with them of an evening.
there's no reasoning with a sociopath
Dimon throwing the toys outta the pram i see ...i expect the employee to receive his severance check on a JCB through his apartment
a jew shall not speak evil about a fellow jew....rule number one
This just in!! After giving the Fed the finger and showing Lloyd "how it's done", JP Morgan Chase will be changing it's name to: JS Dimon & Company effective immediately. Because, it's GOT to be ALL Jamie ALL the time.... that is all.
GOLDMAN sees brent @ 130! SEEEEELL!!! STOLPER IN ACTION!!
How many contracts can we put you down for Muppets?
Sanctimonious cocksucker
Jamie's not going to see it like that
expect JP Morgans personal Dept to kick in with their human rights compliant vindictive witchhunt to destroy the ex employess entire life ...nice
""I want to be clear that I don't want anyone here to seek advantage from a competitor's alleged issues or hearsay - ever. It's not the way we do business," "
Mmmk, and he was winking while saying it.
In other words, full speed ahead to crush Goldman and steal its muppets.
Sheesh.
I want to be clear that Karma is a bitch and those cocksucking lowlife bankster scum are about to get their asses handed to them...
If you have to speak....make sure you tell them we call our investors Puppets and not Muppets.
Competitor? Is that supposed to be some kind of joke? They're both in the cartel together.
He was just clarifying that it is only clients, not competitors, that they are to take advantage of.
iBelieve
" Make bets as big as you deem wortwhile. If it works, we get Paid. If it blows up, we get bailed out and free money from that idiot muppet Bernanke. We can't lose!"
Jamie Dimon, CEO
"its not the way we do business" is a nice touch, even JPM employees will be laughing at that one.
At least GS comps your parking.
They "do business"?
I thought they just lied, cheated and stole.
Oh, wait, I get it, "doing business" is their code for lying, cheating and stealing...
in other words stfu ... we already know we are no different.
Speaking of making money on Muppet-gate... Have you read this extraordinarily disgusting editorial from Bloomberg? Personally, I think someone dropped the ball and got a bit too "edgy". Judging from the comments, readers aren´t happy and the anonymous editor might get a earfull. Or a promotion, I don´t really know what the corporate culture is there.
All you need to consider is who pays for all the terminals.
" It's not the way we do business'
Yes, you bribe the idiots at the CFTC, SEC and make petty cash payoffs to Congress, put one of your own as Chief of Staff in White House, that's the way you do business.
I don't want anyone here to seek advantage from a competitor's alleged issues or hearsay - ever. It's not the way we do business .... fleecing customers is how we do business, now get back to work muppet masters!
Pink sheets to Today Show...the great order of the universe.
Exactly. "Competitors" are for colluding. It's the clients and the taxpayers that are for screwing.
Goldman employees.
Any chance you could share some entertaining memos here..??
Dimon wouldn't read ZH so you should be safe.
IN other news, "Why ECRI’s Recession Call Stands"
http://www.ritholtz.com/blog/2012/03/why-ecri%E2%80%99s-recession-call-s...
While Goldman for better or for worse is the poster child for WS anyone who thinks the culture is different anywhere on WS or in any big American Corporate, please let me know.I have some ocean front property in Alberta to sell them.
Yesterday J&J announced that their departing CEO is going to get a total retirement package worth about $145m. He fired about 10% of the workforce in the last 3 years.Saving the company about$1.7B. For his trouble he will get 8.5% of those savings. Billons saved means millions earned.
This is a cultural issue NOT a Goldman issue best personified in the 300,000 kids that applied to work at Goldman last year.
Lizzy
i've seen your ocean front in alberta and it is called a tailings pond, usually covered in dead and dying guck covered waterfowl. the noise is unsettling.
someone check all of jamies toes, fingers and even his dick and make sure they are not crossed
Dimon is such an innocent placating Fuckoff, ain't he?
Paradigm shift, bitchez.
Correct. It has begun...
Sea change.
We are not in Kansas anymore.
Implying, of course, that no such conduct could ever be taking place at JPM, and Jamie had better not hear anything from any employee to contradict that either. This is his MO; the same basic tactic he used a few days ago announcing the dividend increase. Modest accomplishments (even if they're just an illusory claim) look so much better when held against confirmed failures of your competitors. Sales 101.
Dimon notes to HR: "Find out what it will take to bring this Smith guy on board, and find out how much he can bring with him!"
"Liked your op-ed piece, Smith. Will your signing bonus of $500,000 be enough to maintain your high moral standards while spilling everything you got from GS and start with us?"
"Gee, you betcha Mr. Dimon!"
"Just call me Jamie, Greg."
look for even more sensational headlines from this site as readership goes down - and it a last desperate move this site will out themselves- just before they cant pay the bills anymore.
will keep an eye on it. thanks for the tip. btw what are their bills?
Something is fishy. I try and stear clear of consipracy theories but within a 48 hour period
1. JP Morgan front runs fed announcement on stress tests
2. Citi fails stress test
3. Goldman whistleblower comes out
4. Whalen posts on Zero hedge that JP morgan by their analysis has the very worst financials of the bunch
Not saying Whalen caused anything it just seems super fishy that what they consider the very highest risk is somehow the only one avoiding the heat and even getting to take advantage of it.
From Whalens post "If the bank has an EC to T1RBC ratio much greater than 1, the model is telling you that the risk taken by the enterprise exceeds the ability of the nominal regulatory capital to support it. Notice that JPMorgan and not Citigroup ("C")"
http://www.zerohedge.com/contributed/2012-11-13/bank-stress-tests-and-other-acts-faith
Lloyd to Jamie 3/15/2012:
Et tu brute?
Not once have i heard any mention of Jim Hensen. This is not cool. He gve me many hours of entertainment in the 70's .Give the guy a little credit..
"I want to be clear", sounds like an echo....
Yeah, it's not the way we do business. We steal gold and take interest free loans from out buddies at the Fed.
Thou shall NEVER speak or talk about how we SCREW everyone..EVER!
Yeah like everybody in the industry isn't looking to take advantage of this.
That Jamie, wadda kidder he is!
I know JPM's involvement in MF Global was of the highest standard and all their future actions will lovingly hug the same ethical high ground.
Take unfair advantage of anyone? Not on his watch!
I hear about people recieving 4 - 6 credit applications from JP Fraud every month and returning empty 'postage-paid' envelopes. That could be why they have to sell bogus credit card collection accounts.
Jaime. Your ass will be grass soon.
And the sooner the better
You have done enough of the Devil's work on earth
I give up. If Americans don't rise up to this shit, whats the point.