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JPM Halts Share Repurchase Program
Remember when Jamie Dimon showed the Fed who's boss and preannounced it was starting a share repurchase program? Turns out the Chairsatan will have the final laugh:
- DIMON SAYS JPM IS SUSPENDING SHARE REPURCHASES
- DIMON SAYS SUSPENDING REPURCHASE PROGRAM ISN'T RELATED TO LOSS
- DIMON SAYS SUSPENDING REPURCHASE PROGRAM ISN'T RELATED TO LOSS
- JPM'S DIMON SAYS THERE'S UNREALIZED $8B IN PROFIT FROM CIO
- JPM'S DIMON: DOESN'T SEE INVESTIGATION TO UNVEIL BIG SUPRISES
- DIMON SAYS LOSS IS AN ISOLATED EVENT
And the joke of the day:
- DIMON SAYS FORTRESS BALANCE SHEET REMAINS
But at least Bank of America will be announcing a dividend any minute now. And so the hits just keep on coming.
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Tempest in a teapot
Lol, all the money gone into Fucking Bullshit $FB?
It would be interesting to find out if JPM's unrealized $8bn gain (not profit) is the result of a Level 3 asset, where the fair value is based on one of their internal models, or if is is based on a Level 1 or 2 asset which is priced on relative market forces and is more transparent.
Where have i heard Dimons comments before? Oh yeah, spring 2008 from Bear Sternes. 'once you have to start declaring your solvent, your days are numbered'
Seems to me that the recent fall in JPM would be a buying opportunity for the company ... that is, if they had the ability to buy ...............
The morons at JPM thought selling Silver they don't own to repurchase their own stock was a good idea.
I'm looking forward to the next SI-JPM cross. May be the last one.
From Bill Murphy at Le Metropole article posted to Goldseek today:
http://news.goldseek.com/LemetropoleCafe/1337588175.php
"GATA’s rationale (speaking for myself) about this ridiculous investigation is that the CFTC really has uncovered the scam, but because it is backed by the US Government, they are flabbergasted about what to do, so they do nothing...
a new factor enters the silver scam investigation, which directly affects Morgan’s constant claims to the CFTC that their huge silver short position is hedged."
"...The Gold Cartel could be in deep trouble now because their honcho, JP Morgan, is in deepening trouble. This is no minor event in terms of the gold/silver market manipulation scandal."
Emperor Dimon has no clothes. Burning ass hat shot down in flames. TOO FUCKING BAD. Blythe has your parachute and fire extinguisher. Burn , Baby , Burn.
GMAC sent me a notice on friday that THEY are filing for Bankruptcy. I just wanted to say HA HA and FUCK YOU GMAC.
Now that, is irony.
ori
Damage Control, Bitchez!
Obviously Jamie Dimon was bailed out over the weekend for at least 10B. Ending the share repurchase prgram using Fed money was part of the deal. The guy is a worthless drain on society. For him to straight out lie about every aspect of the bailout he just got proves what a POS liar scumbag he is. I detest that cvnt.
The best part is, I know he lied to the Fed too. What ever he got this time, he needs more. It isn't over. That is just how he and Madoff think.
Thar she blows.....
Dimon calls pool episode "an insulated isodent".
"isotropic pepsodent"
Only Dimon himself could give that a down arrow! Hilarious!
If you've never experienced whale watching, this is gonna be your week.
Moby Dick?
No, definitely dick.
fortress bum balance sheet with lots of shadow banking rifts and valleys. Ride away lone ranger into da sunset.
"Hi-Ho Blythe, I was master of all I surveyed; but what a disaster as the whale pulled the plug on my raft and I'm floating adrift. I don't feel like sucking the vortex up ahead. Jesus! Any CDSs out there for me to use as life saver buoy? I need a leg up from a dandy lady who is handy and finds me randy as moon shined brandy! "
"Nope Jamie, nobody wants to cover ur ass or even buy it naked and rosy red. I guess its just you n me in this game of musical chairs and I'll be seeing ya agin when hell freezes over. No hard feelings but I can see a limp one when it goes soggy!"
I'll never get tired of that blow hole...
I believe that is what is called rebranding in the Ad bus
where's that goddamn donkey when you really need him?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7wmGazAd5k
Is this a chart of what they mean by "fat tail risk?"
Open a new Chase savings account and get 10 free Facebook stocks!
..and a toaster to put them in.
nice...
Maybe they should buy more FB down here in the low 30s, DCA their shares and all.
I put in a bid at $5.00, my fear is it will cover. better cancel
When did we change the definition of "Loss" to "Unrealized profit"?
When we created or "saved" millions of jobs
Since history's oldest genociders became its "Victims".
When we changed a helicopter "crashed" in ______ instead of "shot down".
Saw this to my dismay:
Local police consider using mini helicopterscheck out the picture
http://www.sanduskyregister.com/news/tinyhelicopters5912ewxml
It works also other way, banks *love* to book unrealized profits as losses to write off taxes.
Glad I sold my JPM on Friday. Oh God I wish there were FB puts avilable!!!!!!
Ben just told Jamie to put the money into Facebook instead. That's the whale they need to save today. Ben wiill back him up on it later. Dimon probably still puked and farted at the same time when he heard that.
Can shareholdevote revote dimons salary package again? Just asking
You had me at ChairSatan - Take that Jamie Dimon...Pimpin' Ain't Easy...
But Jamie said on the call this would not affect the repurchse program. Plus it's only like 1/10 of 1% loss...
they halted repurchases because the stock price went too low. HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!
We can't possibly buy this cheap in good conscience. We're whores, but please!
I can see that daily Jamie-Jive is gonna be rich source of humor and Banzai inspiration from here. Yeah boy.
Who knew Jamie is such a giver?
Yes, everything is great at JPM.
While Dimon was busy going through "roaming charges" of the retail division, the CIO of London became a dysfunctional clusterfuck.
As loss caps were removed, and risk management was being overseen by a dude named "Goldman" (ironic i know), whose BROTHER-in-LAW hired him for the job (brother in law, was the head of risk at CIO until he retired and had Goldman take his place.....Goldman of course was sancioned in 2007, for trading the SAME names in his PA as he was trading in his firms (at the time) prop account), Dimon was doing what?
Fuck his fortess balance sheet, where were his seconds in command, the loyal JPM lieutenants, why weren't they challanging him? Far bigger issue is why nobody at JPM had the balls to challenge Dimon on his hands off approach to the risks being taken in London.
Sandy Weill always said that what made Jamie Dimon a great lieutenant was that Dimon was never afraid to deliver bad news, never afraid to say "weill was wrong". One wonders where the "jamie dimon" lieutenant is at JPM?
Seems to me the "cult of ceo" has gone to JPM's head. The results are NOT pretty.
Far bigger issue is why nobody at JPM had the balls to challenge Dimon on his hands off approach to the risks being taken in London.
Plausible deniibility?
Wow... nice recap... kudos.
>>>
JPM'S DIMON SAYS THERE'S UNREALIZED $8B IN PROFIT FROM CIO
<<<
How priced, bearing in mind these positions are so large marginal bids and offers are irrelevant?
He needs to lose the positions, and _only afterwards_ make a public statement about P&L.
"Never been a better time then now to buy JPM"...or was that a house?...I forget what they said on TV.
Makes no sense, if the shares were a buy at $44 and nothing's wrong why not buy at $33?
"DIMON SAYS SUSPENDING REPURCHASE PROGRAM ISN'T RELATED TO LOSS"
Surrrrre it isn't Jamie. Whatever you say buddy. These guys have really gotten their dicks in a wringer over there. The extent of it has yet to even be realized. Maybe they can take GS with them and all of the other sociopaths in DC who rely on their campaign bribery err I mean donations..
Right, Jamie. All is well. And you stopped buying shares because??? They were getting too cheap?
He realized they are getting closer to fair value, 0...
Enough is enough: SEC should just halt trading in JPM stock and sell JPM to Goldman for $3 a share.
This must be why the market is rallying, I was wondering what was going on....
JPM is just a zombie bank run by clever salespeople.
Not related to the loss?
Of course it's not related to THE loss.
If you think it was related to THE CIO loss, its not....
If you think it's related to THE facebook loss, its not...
Plausable deniability. It all depends on the definition of 'the'.
It's related to ..... ummmm ..... that other thing.
.
Apparently a company halting stock buyback is good news since JPM went green there for a second.
Btw, Dimon didn't say it, but i see the hands of the Fed on this "stop share buyback".
My guess is ineffective regulators....the same ones who use "bank provided" MODELS, to view the risk of the same bank (wtf do we pay for regulators again) becaue regulators "want to view the risk through the same lense as the banks".....told Dimon to suspend the share buyback.
Dimon has officially been sent to the naughty corner.
Wait until they cut or eliminate the dividend. Then panic.
Bring back Bill "I hate my job" Harrison, who could not wait to give Dimon his job.
They will be able to buy a butt load as the stock declines further.
What's going on with this coverup?
Still not a peep: JP Morgan Accused of Manipulation of Poland's Equity MarketsLook everyone the Emperor has no clothes. Go figure.
Here is a case of "rally around the flag boys!" :
CITI: We're Super Bullish On JP Morgan, And - Business Insider
Yeah, and another Fed-sped (board member of the NY Fed, selected to 'represent' the public) once declared his company's dividend 'air tight' on television a few months before cutting the dividend.
Shalom to the rescue. They are all on the same team in case you didn't see that. Just sayin . . . .
JPM may become an 'Isolated event' itself if we put the kibosh on Blyth Masters silver deal. She knows we've kiboshed before ...
and we will kibosh again ...
How Kubrick’s ‘The Shining’ Hidden Gold Story Exposes The FED & FIAT Money Scam
“The CIO’s “non-vanilla” portfolio is now over $150bn in size .”
From: JPMorgan unit has $100bn of risky? bonds
18 May 2012, by By Sam Jones in London and Tracy Alloway and Tom Braithwaite in New York (Financial Times)
http://www.ft.com/intl/cms/s/0/8ef035de-a043-11e1-88e6-00144feabdc0.html
JPMorgan unit has $100 billion in securitized assets, structured debt: FT
17 May 2012, (Reuters)
http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/05/18/us-jpmorgan-idUSBRE84H02J20120518
$3 Billion and Counting: JP Morgan’s Loss Grows by 50% in 5 Days
16 May 2012, by Derek Thompson (The Atlantic)
http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2012/05/-3-billion-and-counting-jp-morgans-loss-grows-by-50-in-5-days/257312/
DIMON Says.. put your hands in your pocket
DIMON Says.. take out your wallet
DIMON Says.. give us your money
Now pull out your cash from JPM.. AH!! I didn't say DIMON Says!!
Jamie's fudge is gonna get packed in the crowbar hotel, 'cause the POTB are gonna need a fall guy for Armageddon, fiat style. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy. Black Salami or bust, Jamie !
The history of buy backs has shown them to be harmful to the regular share holder. Most take place in an effort to give the stock a temporay boost so management can excercise their stock options. It is little more than market manipulation and insider trading.
.
The fallout of JPMorgan Chase & Co.'s $2 billion trading loss has reignited old worries of just how close Wall Street is to one of its top regulators, the Federal Reserve Bank of New York. Politicians and consumer activists have called for Jamie Dimon, JPMorgan's chairman and chief executive, to resign from his position as a board director at the New York Fed.