JPM Pwns Nancy Pelosi

Tyler Durden's picture


Last week we had the mispleasure of suffering a subdural hematoma or 7 after reading CA Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi's formal response to the gas price shock, in which it became abundantly clear that the amount of heavy metals in the California water supply is directly proportional to the insolvency of said state. Yet the only thing better than the resulting cathartic post, which had over 57,000 reads, and hundreds of comments, is JPMorgan doing the very same to what some allege is the most corrupt and incompetent legislator in the history of the US Congress. Which, to our and our readers' utmost delight, is precisely what happened today, when JPM Private Bank CIO Michael Cembalest decided to clinically deconstruct her argument into its constituent utterly insane components. Below we present the carnage.

From JPM Private Wealth

Output from the Congressional Centrifuge

...House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi issued the following press release:

“Independent reports confirm that speculators are driving up the cost of oil, hurting consumers and potentially damaging the economic recovery. Wall Street profiteering, not oil shortages, is the cause of the price spike. In fact, U.S. oil production is at its highest level since 2003, and millions of acres have been cleared for additional development. We need to take strong action to protect consumers from this speculation. Unfortunately, Republicans have chosen to protect the interests of Wall Street speculators and oil companies instead of the interests of working Americans by obstructing the agencies with the responsibility of enforcing consumer protection laws. They have also repeatedly opposed our efforts to end billions of dollars in outdated taxpayer subsidies for oil companies enjoying record profits.


We support efforts by the Obama Administration to expand domestic energy resources, including natural gas and renewable sources like wind and solar that create jobs in America and will end our dangerous dependence on foreign energy supplies. This can be achieved because today, the United States currently has more oil and gas rigs at work than the rest of the world combined, and imports of foreign oil have decreased.


We call on the Republican leadership to act on behalf of American consumers and join our efforts to crack down on speculators who care more about their profits than the price at the pump even if these spikes harm the American consumer and our economy.”

I am of course not going to comment directly on this, for many reasons, including not wanting to spend my days at California’s solar-powered detention facility in Chuckawalla Valley. However, for anyone interested in the specific points raised in this press release, I have included some charts on the unfortunately binding constraints of science and energy economics. Enjoy.

Now let’s get to the interesting part. The press release implies that natural gas and renewable energy can reduce American dependence on foreign oil (“end” is the word used). This is an appealing proposition, particularly with Brent oil prices now 5 times higher than natural gas prices on a BTU basis. So, let’s assume that the US wanted to cease all oil imports from Venezuela, Russia and the Persian Gulf. This would reduce oil imports by ~30%. If Americans still wanted to drive around just as much, absent an increase of 2.8 million bpd in US domestic crude production, electricity would have to replace the foregone gasoline. Ergo: how much wind power or natural gas would be needed, assuming electric cars at 200 watt hours per km? And what policies would be needed on fracking, eminent domain, and subsidies for high voltage direct current power lines to transmit electricity at acceptable loss rates?

Note: the charts below only account for the foregone gasoline component of the imported crude oil. Gasoline is only around 45%-50% of total refined products. The US would also have to come up with suitable domestic or foreign replacements for the rest of the barrel: jet fuel, heating oil, fuel oil, lube oils, asphalt, etc. This topic is often neglected in discussions about reducing reliance on foreign oil: we do a lot more with it than just drive cars.

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Tue, 02/28/2012 - 01:23 | 2202793 Rastadamus
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Stupid bitch.

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 01:26 | 2202799 redpill
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I was going to comment but Rastadamus has summed it up more succinctly than I could so I'll just give the ZH brother a +1

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 01:28 | 2202806 ArsoN
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Tue, 02/28/2012 - 02:12 | 2202881 DeadFred
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It appears from the red arrow count that Nancy reads ZeroHedge.

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 02:50 | 2202924 Michael
Michael's picture

That deranged fucking cunt Nancy Pelosi, let me stop right there before I really tell you what I think about that hideous Skeksi whore.

That bitch and everyone else knows exactly why gas prices are out of control.

The Federal Reserve bitches devaluing the dollar, flooding the investment banks and the entire planet with watered down Federal Reserve notes.

See Pelosi in this movie;

The Dark Crystal "Skeksis Dinner"

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 03:13 | 2202950 Michael
Michael's picture

We should really talk about the insurance industrial complex at some point in time.

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 03:41 | 2202981 Michael
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I just thank the powers of the higher realm for giving me a deepening solar minimum.

Solar maximum for 2011, possible solar minimum for 2012


Tue, 02/28/2012 - 05:15 | 2203000 The Big Ching-aso
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Petrol Pelosi.    Catchy. 




Tue, 02/28/2012 - 11:07 | 2203788 Benjamin Glutton
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 Someone has to be the devil's advocate with so many grunting partisan responses. Let me preface by saying that in this case the devil is in fact both party's. Given that we exist in a dysfunctional managed economy, that our political psychopaths believe they can maintain, is understood by most here but fully appreciated by few. Though Mrs. Pelosi so obviously fails to cite the truth of what is wrong in America today we should not ignore the proper context of her statement born of necessity some 40 years ago.

  The system as we know it is 30 years mired in horrible domestic/global economic policy brought about by the collapse of our governments only viable enemy. Once upon a time our politicos were restrained somewhat by the need to appear benevolent in comparison to the USSR but those days are gone. It seems that we are now the focus of previously restrained malevolence  torching all that we understood America to be while the populace is left to argue over which are arsonists and which are firemen.

 I see much criticism of Mrs. Pelosi but I give her credit for attempting to address a real issue that has been aggravated by our own foreign policy regarding Iran. It was not a free market solution to enact fat finger sanctions against Iran yet many here see no merit in free market balancing CFTC position limits. What has the loyal opposition to offer other than trans-vaginal inspections and Tart Reform Hearings on contraceptives conducted by old white men? Leave our sweet tarts alone! In fairness the pipeline to hell might be helpful but will have only a minor impact and none at all on unnecessary bubbles.

You are here...grab a fire hose and deal with it. Take a look at the links which attempt to define and quantify the oil speculation issue or continue to dream that a selective free market for the few using phony fiat hypothecation and derivatives yields acceptable results in a faux market.

"Gentlemen, I have had men watching you for a long time and I am convinced that you have used the funds of the bank to speculate in the breadstuffs of the country. When you won, you divided the profits amongst you, and when you lost, you charged it to the bank. You tell me that if I take the deposits from the bank and annul its charter, I shall ruin ten thousand families. That may be true, gentlemen, but that is your sin! Should I let you go on, you will ruin fifty thousand families, and that would be my sin! You are a den of vipers and thieves."
-Andrew Jackson

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 12:29 | 2204200 Zymurguy
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Petroleum Jelly Pelosi...

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 04:26 | 2203026 Michael
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The 2012 Pelosi GTxi SS/RT Sport Edition

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 07:50 | 2203153 schismjism
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the command and control central banks will be joined by the rationing of oil in the not too distant future.....

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 08:24 | 2203188 Fancy_Piglosi
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fucking peasants 

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 08:49 | 2203232 HoofHearted
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It's what you keep trying to do, huh, Nancy?

My, grandma, what a big strap-on you have...

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 04:42 | 2203036 nc551
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She is a sith lord you know, probably paired with Hillary.  Their best media pictures barely hide it.

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 09:28 | 2203323 TrulyStupid
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Too much bitch, cunt etc. make these comments seem inspired by the Santorum school of predordained masculine supremacy.

Let's confine our insults to non gender references.. after all there is no extra X chromosome in gasoline. BTW, how do market forces force a rise in prices when demand at the pump for gasoline is off 25% year over year?

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 11:59 | 2204045 Matt
Matt's picture

Look at the correlation between central bank balance sheets and net non-commercial WTI contracts. Some of it is investors hedging against inflation, some of it is just pure inflation. There is also the likelihood that global production of oil is declining in a non-transitory way.

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 09:28 | 2203324 TrulyStupid
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Tue, 02/28/2012 - 10:39 | 2203672 Whatta
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Pelosi is a slunt.

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 10:49 | 2203707 JimBowie1958
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The Federal Reserve bitches devaluing the dollar, flooding the investment banks and the entire planet with watered down Federal Reserve notes.

While I agree that Pelosi is a bitch, I am confused about your point quoted.

If oil is going up solely due to the devaluation of the dollar, then why are nearly all other commodities, except gold silver and a few others, down in price over the last year?

Not trying to start a bunch of shit, just asking about what seems to be a hole in this view you present.

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 15:39 | 2205127 Michael
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Inflation in the things you need, deflation in the things you just want cause you don't have a job. 

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 03:09 | 2202945 AgShaman
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If Nancy keeps "channeling" Hogan's Goat.....they are gonna yank her "private jet to the Climate Conference" priviledges

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 01:31 | 2202812 rcintc
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That was much better than ANYTHING i could have come up with

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 01:35 | 2202818 urbanelf
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Stupid bi....   oh, nevermind.

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 02:42 | 2202922 Silver Bug
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Well done. That women is clinically insane.

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 04:25 | 2203025 jeff montanye
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nancy pelosi is neither stupid nor clinically insane.  nor is obama, eric holder, the occ, the sec, the fill in the blank of the crony capitalist system.  nor was the administration that preceded them.

they are self-aggrandizing sociopaths, cynical manipulators of the sadly misinformed and easily "tribalized" u.s. voters.  note still that many posts hit either republican or democratic politicians as if there were a practical difference on such issues as bank fraud, corrupt campaign contributions, endless foreign wars, endless war on drugs, endless coddling of israel, civil liberties destruction, regulatory capture ....  they keep the abortion issue burning to keep the tribes apart, apparently.  works for them.

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 07:19 | 2203130 Colombian Gringo
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Bang on. As long as Americans are trapped into the false left/right republican/democratic paradigm, we are doomed to having the likes of Pelosi ruining our lives whilst enriching hers and the banksters.

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 09:33 | 2203336 johnQpublic
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' kill 'em all' as metallica said

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 07:33 | 2203144 Dane17
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I agree with most of what you said except Pelosi truly does seem to be dumb as a box of rocks.

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 09:36 | 2203350 The Andy
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Yeah, she's dumb alright.  Reminds me of a line from Terry Bradshaw:  "I'm so dumb, I had to hire someone to fly my private jet!"

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 12:11 | 2204109 JimBowie1958
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There are many ways of making lots of money and friends that do not require a microgram of intelligence or wit.

Being rich does not prove you are smart or to be envied.

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 08:34 | 2203211 connda
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"tribalized" u.s. voters


Tue, 02/28/2012 - 09:34 | 2203345 SofaPapa
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Unfortunately, few people have spent the time or effort to actually look at what a "unit of energy" means.  If more Americans understood how energy is measured and how much energy there is per liter of fossil fuel, we would be able to have an informed discussion, recognizing the extreme technical difficulty in replacing such an energy-dense source.  Instead, politicians traffic in platitudes back and forth at each other, secure in the knowledge that few people understand what they are talking about any more than they do.  Sadly, when people are dumb enough to trust a politician like Pelosi, they are dumb enough simply to accept what she says.  "She's in charge.  She has information we don't have."  Possible only because of what you said: tribalized voters.  Nice phrase that!  If she's against the "others", she must be okay.  Some people are incapable of the reasoning necessary to rationally discuss options, and that's one thing.  But for those who could absorb the information if they simply spent the time and effort to educate themselves... those are the people who are so damned lazy it's just despicable.

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 10:21 | 2203574 SelfGov
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If only we could burn Pelosi and her ilk in our internal combustion engines we'd have the problem solved.

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 10:42 | 2203684 GMadScientist
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Tue, 02/28/2012 - 10:56 | 2203739 zanez
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Another point to consider is the poor efficiency of the internal combustion gasoline engine. More energy gets wasted as unburned fuel and heat than gets used by the vehicle.

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 01:45 | 2202831 Problem Is
Problem Is's picture

"Stupid bitch."


But Barney Frank is an even stupider bitch...

Chris Dodd is an even dumber, stupider bitch...

And Obama Bin Lyin'... The stupid bitch's, stupid bitch...

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 02:44 | 2202925 eatthebanksters
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you're such a racist!    Bwaaaahaaahaaaaa!  

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 10:58 | 2203748 zanez
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Politicians, Bitchez!!!!

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 01:50 | 2202845 McNoob
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Well put.

Politicians like Pelosi will never hesitate to spout any lie, no matter how stupid or ignorant, if it means she can keep being power broker/pupper master for another day.


Tue, 02/28/2012 - 02:45 | 2202928 eatthebanksters
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What truly amazes me is that there are so many really stupid people who lap up her bullshit...

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 03:24 | 2202966 AgShaman
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Her sycophants are patiently waiting for the next small idea to come outta her mouth.

I'm betting the gangsters in the "District of Corruption" will talk her into rolling out the first of the "Price Controls" rhetoric.

First comes gas and fuels....then comes food

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 08:28 | 2203194 r00t61
r00t61's picture

Come on now, give the good citizens a pass.

Politicians, after all, display nearly all of the same behavioral traits as sociopaths, including glib, superficial charm, and a masterful ability to manipulate people through speech and oratory.  It's no wonder they can make people believe their lies.

After all, whenever the neighbors of a convicted serial killer get interviewed, the reaction is always:

"Oh, but he was such a quiet, nice young man! He helped me carry my groceries in!  There's just no way he could be a serial killer!"

In much the same way, for politicians, it's:

"Oh, but she was such a good speaker, and well-dressed, and she graduated from Harvard!  She sounds really sincere when she talks about wanting to help us little people!  There's just no way she could be a lying politician!

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 09:05 | 2203271 Vlad Tepid
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The only people that do live in one half of the smallest "big city" in the US - SF.  Everyone else knows what she is...

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 03:31 | 2202974 FlyPaper
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McNoob:  ELECTIONEERING:  Members of the current ruling party are DEPENDING on the economy not getting worse.  Increases in fuel costs get the public cranky.  This particular administration is well known for blaming everyone else, because it couldn't be the PRESIDENT's policies.  To wit: His present policy of pressuring IRAN is leading to threats to cut off oil supplies; and in fact they have already "cut off" exports to several European countries preempting their imposition of further sanctions.   Environmental policies of current administration = not helping.  Obama even said he wanted the price of oil to rise as part of his environmental scheme.   Add FED printing....

So now we need they need a boogey-man.  In this context Nancy's statements make perfect sense from the political lens.  Remember: we have to pass the bill to see what's in it!   

I wonder if her broom is more enviornmentally friendly than flying a plane back and forth to California at public expense...?

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 02:30 | 2202904 non_anon
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here, here, now to kill some mutants in Fallout 3

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 02:35 | 2202910 francis_the_won...
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Rasta, this is possibly the best and most accurate comment I've seen in 3+ years of reading ZeroHedge.  Very succinct.

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 03:27 | 2202968 Esculent 69
Esculent 69's picture

This woman has lots of kids. who would fuck this woman? Thing, alien, whatever the hell she is. I still wouldn't fuck it

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 07:54 | 2203159 Mareka
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"JPM Owns Nancy Pelosi"

They should take her to the Antiques Road Show.

Tue, 02/28/2012 - 10:20 | 2203570 rsnoble
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Cunt Disorderment is more like it.

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