A Keynesian Wet Dream: "700 Trillion Cars And Light Trucks Need Recalling"

Tyler Durden's picture

And for today's fake press du jour release we go to Marketwatch which amusingly carries the following headline/story, which has since been rebroadcast by Bloomberg and other wire services:

700,000,000 Million Cars and Light Trucks Need Recalling

 

PETERBOROUGH, ONTARIO, Sep 19, 2011 (MARKETWIRE via COMTEX) -- Editors Note: There is a video associated with this Press Release.

 

Automotive engineers are sleeping at the wheel blinded by their own wipers.

 

Ring the Bells, Stop the Line, Re-Tool

 

Rodney Andrews, Ten Bridges Seven Churches No Stop Light is a series of grabbing stories of how small town people reach out and live the lives most people only dream of.

 

Follow Everett and Rose as they trigger the largest auto industry re-call.

 

Toyota, Honda, Ford, Hyundai and all car owners will be running to the parking lot to check out their car or truck to see if they are a victim. You can sit and read the predictions and watch class action law suits, litigation, and lawyers plug court rooms. Millions of dollars and thousands of lives are at stake. Killer cars can be fixed.

 

To start a fascinating journey, get your copy today from www.createspace.com/3592300

Yep. 700 trillion cars in need of recall. Paul Krugman just discovered tantric sex.

And yes, the algos totally fell for it. Note the volume surge at 10:13 PT as the PR hit:

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TruthInSunshine's picture

700 trillion cars recalled = Krugman nocturnal emission. Had there been 700 trillion fatalities? Krugman says "even better."

Release the Kraken, bitchez.

Dr. Richard Head's picture

Clean up at Krugman's desk.  Clean up at Krugman's desk.

Stan's dad plays Krugman in this short skit. - http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/183608/covered-in-ectoplasm

TruthInSunshine's picture

Tantric sex, missionary style (for the Queen), or a Dirty Sanchez = Krugman doesn't care what kind, as long as it's stimulative.

He even doesn't mind HIV+, crabs, the clap or herpes pustules, as he's debauched whatever merit any portion of Keynesianism may have once had. He's just a cross-dressing, whacked out night walker in 4" stilettos looking to turn a fast fiatski-rewarded trick, jonesing for his next fix.

Krugman gets sick to his stomach any time anyone quotes this, so here goes (words from his hero):

J.M. Keynes on inflation in The Economic Consequences of the Peace (p. 235-6):

“Lenin is said to have declared that the best way to destroy the Capitalist System was to debauch the currency. By a continuing process of inflation, governments can confiscate, secretly and unobserved, an important part of the wealth of their citizens. By this method they not only confiscate, but they confiscate arbitrarily; and, while the process impoverishes many, it actually enriches some. The sight of this arbitrary rearrangement of riches strikes not only at security, but at confidence in the equity of the existing distribution of wealth. Those to whom the system brings windfalls, beyond their deserts and even beyond their expectations or desires, become ‘profiteers,’ who are the object of the hatred of the bourgeoisie, whom the inflationism has impoverished, not less than of the proletariat. As the inflation proceeds and the real value of the currency fluctuates wildly from month to month, all permanent relations between debtors and creditors, which form the ultimate foundation of capitalism, become so utterly disordered as to be almost meaningless; and the process of wealth-getting degenerates into a gamble and a lottery.

Lenin was certainly right. There is no subtler, no surer means of overturning the existing basis of society than to debauch the currency. The process engages all the hidden forces of economic law on the side of destruction, and does it in a manner which not one man in a million is able to diagnose.

Dr. Richard Head's picture

No kidding.  Too bad this particular quote is not known by all.  The central bank and fractional reserve banking hand is what creates the inflation.   I wonder what J6P thinks as the cause of inflation?  Greedy corporations would be my guess.

Here is my favorite -

It is well enough that people of the nation do not understand our banking and monetary system, for if they did, I believe there would be a revolution before tomorrow morning.
Henry Ford

 

wisefool's picture

Do you know what else is a way to screw the masses besides currency devaluation? Set up a tax code that serves only one purpose: Being a game for Buffet, Kerry, Immelt, Steve Jobs, and your local gormet cupcake shop to "win" at.

The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward.

Then, with your reward, buy your solar panels from those dumb chinese who dont pursue worthwhile intelectual rewards! Put BDO on the GSA vendor list, not G.E.!

eisley79's picture

http://www.zerohedge.com/news/guest-post-shtf-austria-soon

 

less than what the americans thought this euro comma meant posted by one of the Euro Tylers, 1.7 quadrillion??

wisefool's picture

It wasn't my day to watch them. And I do applogize for having a american centric view sometimes.

But isn't the problem with greece primarily that they refuse to pay the taxes and they refuse to give up thier services?

In america the people who use the most services pay the least taxes, or in some cases, receive money back from the government for the effort they put into not paying any taxes.

I admit that I am not as sophisticated as most here. But when I try to explain keynesian economics -- to even less sophisticated people -- the US tax code grants the simple baby step metaphor as follows:

If G.E. hires 1000 people to prepare its returns to avoid paying taxes, where does the government get the money from to pay somebody at the IRS to make sure those 1000 people filled out G.E.s tax forms right?

The answers typically are:

  • The wimpy (cartoon character) -- G.E. probably needed to take a loss this year but will pay the IRS reviewers next year to check the form for next year and last year.
  • The unknowing keynsian -- Well the government keeps money aside for that, and if they dont thats why we print money
  • The unknowing redistributionist -- They pay the IRS agents who review G.E.s form out of other peoples taxes that aren't working on as important of stuff as G.E. is.
  • The polyanna -- G.E. is honest. They dont need to be checked.
  • The deer in the headlights -- I dont know, but it is not that big of a deal.

The more sophisticated types typically answer as follows:

  • The MBA -- You do not understand management, start with hygine-motivator, call me back when you complete your online MBA (hee,hee). You have a job, and being a citizen is also a job, whether you applied for it or not.
  • The Central Planner -- You are not knowledgeable enough about macro trends, including demographics and technology
  • The Accountant -- Its about data. We need data. I dont know what they do with it, but I get paid to generate data.
  • The Socialologist -- There are cultural challenges that can only be addressed via subjective taxation. Your gonna carry that weight son.
  • The CEO (Romney) -- Corporations are people too. Some are just really poor people that need an earned income credit. Others are basically like a tax free charity, that instead of providing food and shelter they provide people a job to buy their own food and shelter from the company store.
  • Jeff Immelt -- You are an idiot. I hired 1000 people, their income taxes paid for the IRS reviewers to review the G.E. returns i.e their work product. I also hired lobbyists. I create jobs. you are an idiot who posts to the interenet. Romney might take you on as a charity case, but I don't run a place for low IQ types. Try a pet shelter.<-Best Answer
  • The Theologian -- Yeah, when religions tried to do this stuff they generally get "Reform-ation/atted" pretty quick, so we stay away from that stuff. So I dont know what to tell you kid. Check out what Huntsman did in Utah. And look on the bright side of life.
covert's picture

it's all a natural result of atlas shrugging.

http://expose2.wordpress.com

 

Clorox Cowboy's picture

I think the 700 trillion is including all wheeled vehicles back through ancient Egypt?

Rodent Freikorps's picture

That would have to include a galactic recall by Krugman's aliens.

Ident 7777 economy's picture

incl donkey carts and Lama wagons ...

kall's picture

That's a lot of waste no matter how you put it. These cars ought to be recalled and hopefully they will be fixed in time to be put again in circulation. The truck manufacturer should better start working with an auto donations program to regain people's trust in these cars.

GeneMarchbanks's picture

Krugman is all over this literally... and it's kinda gross. Creepy little dwarf he is!

What were we talking about, oh yea! cars...

FlyOverCountryBoy's picture

Dwarf?  I thought he was an Elf!

 

GoinFawr's picture

Interesting... it is my understanding that E.L.F. members do enjoy destroying vehicles with IC engines, the bigger the better too... you could be onto something here.

Bastiat's picture

Paul Krugman just discovered tantric sex.

Bwhahahhaaa!

Strider52's picture

We're just so used to "trillions" now that "milliions" just doesn't get headlines.

OldPhart's picture

Chalk it up to "Zero Stroke"

SheepDog-One's picture

What would be the difference between an Onion piece and actual MSM news today? The Onion news has far more credibility?

Surly Bear's picture

Paul Krugman just discovered tantric sex.

With numbers like those do you really think he can hold it in? I bet he sees all those zeros, and just explodes. I'm just sayin...

Don Smith's picture

Isn't it 7 Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh OH OH OH! Cars?

fuu's picture

Show us your 0 face?

EndTheTSA's picture

$1,200,000,000,000

Enough 0s for you?

sunny's picture

I had a car like that.

sunny

fonestar's picture

Recall them all and crush them.  Finance some new ones.  Good for more trillions in debt and supposedly good for the environment (cars do not require mining or production, they grow in fertile organic fields).

Bob Sacamano's picture

Besides a basic math course, the headline writer "needs educating."   Cars and trucks need recalling? 

SheepDog-One's picture

Maybe the cars forgot something?

Grinder74's picture

Obviously you are not as conversant in Austrian as the headline writer is.

lolmao500's picture

Epic that the algos bought it.

MsCreant's picture

If the dream is too wet, it will impair your field of vision.

Krugman will not like this. The problem, if solved, will reduce accidents and thus make it so folks will need fewer cars, repairs, services, etc. Bad for the economy, fewer broken windows.

 

Bastiat's picture

You are looking too far down the road.

NotApplicable's picture

They call it the unseen for a reason.

Grinder74's picture

Hey, if every car in the galaxy has just been recalled, there is no need for auto insurance.  Thus, the most (mis)used justification/analogy for Obamacare just went out the window (pun intended).

Paul Bogdanich's picture

Clean flexible wiper blades are a bigger issue and while I don't consider it a safety issue I live in the NW and have been driving in the rain and wondered why they didn't reverse the throw of the wipers.  It would work better.   

Long-John-Silver's picture

I'll tell them how to fix this cheap and easy. Install a small plastic lever on the right side wiper blade that lifts the blade off the windshield on the upswing and allows it to wipe on the downswing. Cost per vehicle is less than a Dollar.

bbq on whitehouse lawn's picture

I have a cheaper option: remove the windshield. See problem solved :P

Dr. Richard Head's picture


One should break the windshield out in true Krugman fashion.  This way the clean up associated with the broken glass would create new jobs in a variety of areas.  First off, broken glass would likely escape to floor causing numerous automotive tires to be punctured.  Someone would have to replace these tires or plug them minimally.  Additionally, clean up crews would see a spike in employment, as much of this glass would have to be cleaned up.  Finally, makers of vacuum cleaners would see a surge in purchases, while many who attempted to clean up their own glass without government approved clean-up crews would inevitably be faced with broken household vacuums. This is net-net positive.  This entire process would allow for a growth in employment, as well as correcting a fatal error in windshield visibility.

Holy FUCK!!!!!  I just wrote my thesis for my Economics PHD.  Do you think I can get a column in WSJ?

 

Moe Howard's picture

I have submitted you for the Nobel Prize in honor of the Nobel Prize for Economic magically thinking in anticipation of your thesis acceptance. 

No need to thank me.

NotApplicable's picture

In other words... we need a good war in order to break a bunch of shit.

Grinder74's picture

Sarcasm in the first degree. AttackWatch has been notified.

ItsDanger's picture

I've actually noticed this myself and wondered why they dont build it the opposite way (much more noticeable with snow).  Why would the inverse cost more money on new models?  Obviously its cost-prohibitive on existing models and you can understand the logic.  But on new models?

vib's picture

If you think about it a little how water and snow would actually behave if the vipers were reversed you have the answer.

There would be a constant spot of water and snow on the top left portion of the windshield in front of you that would not be wiped away. The left viper now goes all the way to the corner cleaning it completely. In the cars that have steering wheel on the right the (top) right portion of the windshield is kept clean.

The author of that video must be joking. If he's serious he'd kill a lot of people.