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Latest Barrage Of Headlines From Europe

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Time for European headlines. Because we haven't had any in about 3 minutes or so. Courtesy of Bloomberg, here is Angela Merkel doing her best channeling of Hank Paulson.

  • MERKEL SPEAKS AT TRICHET FAREWELL IN FRANKFURT
  • MERKEL SAYS EURO IS STABLE, HAS PROVED ITSELF IN TURBULENT TIME
  • MERKEL SAYS IF THE EURO FAILS, EUROPE FAILS
  • MERKEL SAYS EUROPE STANDS BEFORE SIGNIFICANT CHALLENGES
  • MERKEL SAYS EUROPE MUST BE READY TO USE UNCONVENTIONAL TOOLS
  • MERKEL SAYS 'WE SHALL NOT ALLOW' EURO TO FAIL
  • MERKEL SAYS NEXT EU SUMMIT IS `NOT THE END POINT' FOR CRISIS

And most importantly...

  • MERKEL SAYS NO 'MAGIC WAND' TO SOLVE EURO DEBT CRISIS
  • MERKEL SAYS PAST ERRORS WILL NOT BE SOLVED IN ONE STROKE

True, many, many strokes will be needed. But what about the market which has already priced in not only the Magic Wand but the Quidditch match victory over Slitherin. What now?

 

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Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:02 | 1789179 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

I thought the 2 trillion Euro was on the way already.  /sarc

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:13 | 1789243 I Ching
I Ching's picture

I thought Merkel et al were a bunch of strokes.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:37 | 1789346 eurusdog
eurusdog's picture

But what about the market which has already priced in not only the Magic Wand but the Quidditch match victory over Slitherin. What now? Classic

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 14:27 | 1789372 sqz
sqz's picture

What's ironic is that economically for all (at a one-off cost) the best solution would be if Germany left the Eurozone and returned to the Deutschmark. Germany would then be able to very easily repay the Euro-denominated debts of their banks in new upward revalued DM and have no further bailout responsibilities to the EZ, other than incidently through EU-wide vehicles.

This would free up the restraints on the remaining EZ countries to lower interest rates, monetize their debt, devalue their currency and use fiscal stimulus where needed through the now Fed-equivalent ECB.

In addition, when over 70% of the German population consider the Euro unworkable or even dislike it, for Merkel to tie herself so strongly to the Euro is both strange and seemingly politically suicidal. She does not need to pander to the opposition with any upcoming Euro-related confidence altering voting in the Bundesbank. Especially since she could have used the implicit threat of leaving the Euro to have a better negotiating position at these bailout talks.

Given how close we are to the weekend's summit and the November "deadline", to me, that signals that she has acceded to either,

1) some kind of weak EZ bailout solution, e.g. an unworkable EFSF plan, and is trying to prop up the markets once the inevitably sour figures and paper-thin guarantees come through, or

2) is preparing to commit to some kind of Eurobond solution and therefore pre-selling, e.g. the two-tier "Red vs Blue" EZ Eurobond solution in this European Parliament document:

http://www.europarl.europa.eu/document/activities/cont/201103/20110317AT...

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 13:26 | 1789513 Hard1
Hard1's picture

but...but....but....we were all hoping on the stroke of the magic wand!!

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 18:05 | 1790553 Bwahaha WAGFDSMB
Wed, 10/19/2011 - 21:13 | 1791081 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Zauberstab!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cw9g-_hVw44

But in Merkel's case the lyrics should be changed to: "Du bist the Hässlichste aller Hexen"

Wenn dein Mund lacht, geht in mir die Sonne auf,
 mit dieser Zaubermacht weckst du meine Lenden auf.
 Deinen Augen kann ich mich nicht entzieh'n,
 in deinen Augen muß ich hoffnunglos verglüh'n.

 Du bist die Schönste aller Hexen,
 alles an dir ist reiner Sex, wenn
 ich dich kriege,
 zeigt dir mein Zauberstab die Liebe.

 Du hast Beine, die Säulen deiner runden Pracht,
 deine Beine sind ganz speziell für mich gemacht.
 Süsser Käfer, dein Sex-Appeal haut mich um.
 Du bist die Schönste aller Hexen,

 alles an dir ist reiner Sex, wenn
 ich dich kriege,
 zeigt dir mein Zauberstab die Liebe.

 Du bist die Schönste aller Hexen,
 alles an dir ist reiner Sex, wenn
 ich dich kriege,
 zeigt dir mein Zauberstab die Liebe.

 Wenn dein Mund lacht, geht in mir die Sonne auf,
 mit dieser Zaubermacht weckst du meine Lenden auf.
 Komm und nimm mich, zeig mir deine Eitelkeit.

 Du bist die Schönste aller Hexen,
 alles an dir ist reiner Sex, wenn
 ich dich kriege,
 zeigt dir mein Zauberstab die Liebe.

 Du hast Beine, die Säulen deiner runden Pracht,
 deine Beine sind ganz speziell für mich gemacht.
 Süsser Käfer, dein Sex-Appeal haut mich um.

 Du bist die Schönste aller Hexen,
 alles an dir ist reiner Sex, wenn
 ich dich kriege,
 zeigt dir mein Zauberstab die Liebe.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:15 | 1789255 Unprepared
Unprepared's picture

Have no fear, the "EURO is stable".

Hint: stable here is a medical term.

 

Translation: "EURO is in a vegetative state"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persistent_vegetative_state

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:18 | 1789268 johngaltfla
johngaltfla's picture

Have no fear, the "EURO is stable".

Germany and France to the PIIGS:

"I swear honey, I'll pull out"

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 13:29 | 1789522 Forgiven
Forgiven's picture

Now that's funny!

Sat, 12/24/2011 - 16:17 | 2009445 haibop
haibop's picture

sure it is. Power4Home

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:03 | 1789182 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

All will rejoice when Babylon fails.  

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:04 | 1789188 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

Did they say anything about my pony?

Because I thought this weekend in Eurocrat land was all about rainbows and ponies.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:05 | 1789190 Quintus
Quintus's picture

I heard it was Unicorns.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:06 | 1789195 AngryGerman
AngryGerman's picture

pink elephants

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:13 | 1789240 machineh
machineh's picture

If they could just get TOTUS to attend, they'd have a full clown posse.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:31 | 1789323 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

Didn't you hear?

Totus got stolen by Mexicans, under the direction of Iran, got transferred to the BAC holding Company (allowed under rule 23), and got repo'd at the fed d/c window.

#DUH.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:05 | 1789191 JW n FL
JW n FL's picture

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXzKcS_9qi8

Max Keiser and co-host, Stacy Herbert, talk about the European penny drops as more banks need more bailouts while the public debt clock ticks up to $40 trillion. In the second half of the show, Max Keiser interviews Michael Betancourt about the threat that Occupy Wall Street presents to our modern form of capitalism that relies on ignorance and passivity in the population in order to operate schemes of fraud and bubbles.

 

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:05 | 1789192 knight99
knight99's picture

HP reference nice. So you are just a fact truth telling machine. You do believe in magic ;)

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:24 | 1789287 Pinky
Pinky's picture

Knight99 I was just about to post the same thing.  The HP series appears to be a fitting allegory for the neverending war between (what I call) the Crown and the Krauts.  Not exacly neatly divided camps, but they suffice.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:05 | 1789193 AngryGerman
AngryGerman's picture

MERKEL SAYS THANK GOD THE FRENCHMAN IS GONE

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:06 | 1789196 jdelano
jdelano's picture

heheh.  Slytherin Quidditch.  Expounding upon the theme....

 

Sarkozy, Merkel, Timmaaay -- Fluffy

insolvency -- Voldemort

Wormtail -- Greece

Hagrid -- The german people

Snape -- ?

Malfoy -- ?

....

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:06 | 1789197 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

So... the Euro is now officially TBTF?

This should end well.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:07 | 1789198 FunkyMonkeyBoy
FunkyMonkeyBoy's picture

What qualifies Angela Merkel to be able to state such things with authority?

What makes her more qualified than you or i to state such things?

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:11 | 1789237 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

She has a physics degree, LOL.  If you look closely at most German ministers CVs, you will see that many did not study the sector they are in charge of.  You have former rock band managers in the government, Mommies, student activitists all charged with massive amounts of responsibility.  

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:37 | 1789351 trav7777
trav7777's picture

we are smart...we hire failed executives and community organizers for our responsibility positions

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:27 | 1789305 LeBalance
LeBalance's picture

That's Frau Monkey Woman to You!

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:12 | 1789199 Manthong
Manthong's picture

What's left but to suck in a big hit of hopium and buy in support of our wise bankers and their politicians so that a bright future is assured for us and our children.  

Or,, Maybe its time to join the safari in Ohio. 

http://www.kare11.com/news/article/942991/396/Exotic-animals-escape-Ohio-farm-owner-found-dead

 

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:07 | 1789203 vote_libertaria...
vote_libertarian_party's picture

...and yet stocks stay at yesterdays fraudulant rumor pump levels...

 

BASTARDS!!!

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:08 | 1789210 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

Enter (once again) the invisible hand of The Fed with just enough help to keep the Euro from dying, but not too much, lest the US Treasury auctions face higher rates.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:10 | 1789224 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Didn't the last German bund auction go badly?  Higher rates coming regardless.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:37 | 1789300 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

"Failed German Bund auctions?  What do I care?  The Germans (and any other bond issuer except England) are the enemy!  Oceania has always been at war with Continental Europe.  The Euro must not become an alternative to the Petrol Dollar, or else we will never see the end of non-cooperatives like Hussein, Ghaddafi, and Ahmadinejad.  America can't handle $20 gasoline and a 7% 10 year UST."

 

-Turbo Tax Timmy

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 13:50 | 1789602 schadenfreude
schadenfreude's picture

The fight between US / UK / EZ for BRIC's money to buy some debt is raging. I don't know if it's better to lose or to win this fight.  Just another shot please. I'll give you the money tomorrow....gimme just one more shot.....please!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:08 | 1789211 CrashisOptimistic
CrashisOptimistic's picture

STOP WITH THE BULLSHIT.  THEY HAVE NO MONEY.  IT'S OVER.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:28 | 1789314 LeBalance
LeBalance's picture

they never did.  that's the fun part.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:08 | 1789213 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

more doublespeak.  Yawn.  Get busy dying or get busy living I guess.  Hedge accordingly.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:08 | 1789216 YesWeKahn
YesWeKahn's picture

Market princed in not only the complete resolution of the european crisis, it also priced in a steady growth in the order of 4%.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:08 | 1789217 Nostradamus
Nostradamus's picture

If they're not going to allow the euro to fail then that means they'll have to print infinite amounts of money.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:12 | 1789227 FunkyMonkeyBoy
FunkyMonkeyBoy's picture

The EUR/USD, gold and silver are all saying no at the moment. But, then again, they are fascist controlled markets. So, what they say, don't mean s**t.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:24 | 1789294 Hearst
Hearst's picture

Just as the London Gold Pool http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/London_Gold_Pool is now recognized as an operation to manipulate the price of Gold when the price spiked, so shall the current manipulation Gold and Silver are subject to on a daily basis be recognized.  The central banks comprising the London Gold Pool tried keeping the price of Gold fixed at $35 per oz.  Today they are trying to keep Silver Under $30 and Gold under $2000.  They will fail and the winners will be the ones who have held on to their metal.

 

From the link

"The London Gold Pool was the pooling of gold reserves by a group of eight central banks in the United States and seven European countries that agreed on 1 November 1961 to cooperate in maintaining the Bretton Woods System of fixed-rate convertible currencies and defending a gold price of US$35 per troy ounce by interventions in the London gold market.


The central banks coordinated concerted methods of gold sales to balance spikes in the market price of gold as determined by the London morning gold fixing while buying gold on price weaknesses. The United States provided 50% of the required gold supply for sale. The price controls were successful for six years when the system became no longer workable because the world's supply of gold was insufficient, runs on gold, the British pound, and the US dollar occurred, and France decided to withdraw from the pool. The pool collapsed in March 1968.

The London Gold Pool controls were followed with an effort to suppress the gold price with a two-tier system of official exchange and open market transactions, but this gold windowcollapsed in 1971 with the Nixon Shock, and resulted in the onset of the gold bull market which saw the price of gold appreciate rapidly to US$850 in 1980."

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:08 | 1789218 misterc
misterc's picture

No more yelling "price stabiliteeeeeeee"

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:09 | 1789219 gojam
gojam's picture

Treaty change will probably result in UK exit from EU.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:10 | 1789230 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

I thought the UK was already out of the EU, they still use pounds don't they?

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:35 | 1789333 gojam
gojam's picture

UK are in EU but not in Eurozone.

Gov have promised referendum if any further changes to EU Treaty.

Big mistake to ask people, they don't always give the answer you want. Likely outcome 75% vote to pull out.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:51 | 1789391 reload
reload's picture

Cammeron having promised a vote if he won the election was forced to backtrack - probably because the co governing Lib Dems were squaealing - but possibly because he never intended to keep his promise. Now he says he does not want a vote `willy nilly` as if it were some frivoilous topic. If we get a vote we ARE GONE - from the festering EU. Will they let us vote? dont hold your breath.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 13:14 | 1789466 plongka10
plongka10's picture

Parliament will be debating a motion to hold a referendum on UK membership of the EU next week. Cameron has instructed the Tory MPs to vote it down under a 3 line whip. Total hypocrite given his election pladge on a referendum.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:11 | 1789233 AngryGerman
AngryGerman's picture

ohno, they wouldn't? seriously, who the fuck cares. they are also broke.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 13:40 | 1789556 gojam
gojam's picture

You're right.

..............and yet the Eurozone keeps asking for money from the UK.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:10 | 1789225 AngryGerman
AngryGerman's picture

50 billion trillion million EFSF!!

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:10 | 1789226 Shylockracy
Shylockracy's picture

1. Proven history of involvement with intelligence services   Check

2. Politically Correct, affirmative action apparatchik             Check

3. Backed by financial and media concerns                        Check

4. Has sold his/her people to financial interests                 Check

 

Who is this?

a. Dilma Rousseff

b. Angela Merkel

c. Barack Obama

d. All of the above

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:12 | 1789238 AngryGerman
AngryGerman's picture
Muammar Gaddafi
Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:10 | 1789228 stormsailor
stormsailor's picture

not solved in one stroke, no kidding.  been stroked so much its gotta be sore by now and no payoff at the end

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:12 | 1789242 AngryGerman
AngryGerman's picture

stroke again and again and again and again

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:16 | 1789259 machineh
machineh's picture

Yep, looks like a bad case of wanker's lurgy.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:11 | 1789232 P Rankmug
P Rankmug's picture

 

That's the end game I am waiting for.  Timing when to short the priced in Quiddich match victory of Slitherin.

 

 

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:13 | 1789241 Josh Randall
Josh Randall's picture

Germany to hit EURO eject button shortly..

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:13 | 1789244 Truffle_Shuffle
Truffle_Shuffle's picture

The EURO is doomed.  As is all ponzi currencies.  With a declining EROEI it's inevitable.  Most basic of arithmetic I tell ya.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:14 | 1789249 AngryGerman
AngryGerman's picture

arith-what? does not exist for these people

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:19 | 1789270 Truffle_Shuffle
Truffle_Shuffle's picture

You're correct.  But the sheeple buy in to it.  No need to worry...our great leaders will find a way out of this.  Meanwhile, behind the scenes, TPTB rearrange the deck chairs on the titanic and work to tie everything together for one last grand finale.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:37 | 1789344 jdelano
jdelano's picture

Please tell me you're actually jeff cohen?  that would be so awesome.  

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:50 | 1789389 Truffle_Shuffle
Truffle_Shuffle's picture

Nope.  But I did win a lifetime supply of Baby Ruth's.  Mmmmm.....chocolate.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:14 | 1789248 kito
kito's picture

Angela merkel is hot

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:15 | 1789252 AngryGerman
AngryGerman's picture

timmaa, that's you, isn't it?

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:18 | 1789264 machineh
machineh's picture

He's dying to be at that meeting so he can sneak an upskirt photo of Angela's tree-trunk thighs ...

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:30 | 1789320 LeBalance
LeBalance's picture

Maginot Line!

Maginot Line!

Oh, please, please, be the Maginot Line!

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:23 | 1789253 virgilcaine
virgilcaine's picture

I read a while back'that Angela is incapable of doing anything to fix the problem ( due) to her East German communist childhood.  One can see the deer in the headlights expressions daily. She is the poster child for the EU problem itself.. she is  literally, the problem.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:15 | 1789254 freethinker4now
freethinker4now's picture

in other words BLAH BL BLAH BLAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:18 | 1789258 TradingJoe
TradingJoe's picture

They got nothing, wont have nothing by Sunday, Monday or any other day of the week for that matter! All they have is talk and that is cheap! They shot themselves in the foot by floating a 2T figure out there, anyhting short of that...even if we know it isnt coming, and woooosssshhhh!

Then along came Benjie and did..NOTHING either, why? Because he cant!! Not yet at least! He will depoly carrot and stick again, will it work,...again?!?! Nobody knows, maybe whishful thinking is a help?!?!

We're at 1223 and awaiting 3PM - 3:30Pm, for the next rumor?!?!

We know and they know ITS OVER, what we dont know, and maybe them either is HOW MUCH LONGER CAN THEY KICK IT!!!!

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:32 | 1789324 LeBalance
LeBalance's picture

let's be calm here.

they were never going to shot themselves in the foot.  They have always been aiming at your foot and you let them, me too!

 

Its funny, but they keep asking if they can continue and the sight of "no torches and pitchforks" says: Yep!

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:17 | 1789260 Philippines
Philippines's picture

Riddle me this:

1. You have no magic wand.

2. If the Euro fails, Europe fails.

 

-- How do you save Europe without a magic wand?

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:21 | 1789280 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

Toto, i don't think we are in Kansas anymore.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:21 | 1789283 Truffle_Shuffle
Truffle_Shuffle's picture

Where's that Potter boy when you need him?  Anyone know the way to Hogwarts?

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:34 | 1789331 LeBalance
LeBalance's picture

(1) Printing

(2) Hyperinflation

(3) Chaos

(4) War

(5) Famine

(6) Desolation

(7) Start Again to Climb to Babylon.

 

They only way to win is not to play.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:19 | 1789273 Marge N. Callz
Marge N. Callz's picture

Comments today say that France favors turning the EFSF into a bank so it can buy sovereign bonds and use them as collateral to borrow from the ECB to buy more bonds, etc...  Germany is oppose to this.  In that scenario why wouldn't the ECB just buy the bonds themselves?  Still think that no matter how much they lever the EFSF, there won't be enough money to recapitalize banks, bail out countries, and buy enough bonds to lower rates so countries can fund themselves.  Not to mention that all of the plans involving the EFSF are simply doubling down that the debt problem will somehow magically go away.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:20 | 1789274 DavidJ
DavidJ's picture

What a charade the Euro has become!

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:20 | 1789275 sbenard
sbenard's picture

I glad Merkel has declared that "if the euro fails, we fail". It appears that she has just declared a self-fulfilling prophecy! The question is WHICH will fail FIRST!

Her/their solution is that the more indebted they become, the more it will solve their debt debacle! I fail to see that logic! It's incomprehensible!

By doubling down on debt roulette, Merkel only delays but guarantees the eventual destruction of BOTH. So be it!

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:20 | 1789279 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

Who's ready to give up the AAA rating? Germany or France. This is a total farce. Neither leader will survive the downgrades if that is the path they choose.

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:32 | 1789326 sheeple2012
sheeple2012's picture

Another German once said if you repeat a lie often enough it becomes the truth... apparently works for the market...

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:35 | 1789339 crzyhun
crzyhun's picture

what a bunch of euro stroken trash!

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:37 | 1789348 somethingelse
somethingelse's picture

How many strokes will it take to produce Euro solution?   =)

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:41 | 1789362 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

When will the USD bulls finally ram it up to 78?   Please, get to work. 

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 12:49 | 1789383 LongOfTooth
LongOfTooth's picture

"...MERKEL SAYS EUROPE MUST BE READY TO USE UNCONVENTIONAL TOOLS..."

 

Such as storm troopers?

 

 

 

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 13:56 | 1789619 dracos_ghost
dracos_ghost's picture

Obama?

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 13:05 | 1789440 NDXTrader
NDXTrader's picture

Max Pain in the options = SPX 1225, Dow = 11,600, NDX 2350. Nothing, and I mean nothing will move the markets away from these levels until at least early Friday. Big option boys got to make their rake

Wed, 10/19/2011 - 13:55 | 1789617 Börjesson
Börjesson's picture

The doomsday device of Frau MERKwürdigELiebe has been armed and can now no longer be switched off. Time to learn to love the (financial) bomb!

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