Latest European Bailout Plan Fizzles In Record Time

Tyler Durden's picture

UPDATE: The Bundesbank, as usual, ready to pur some 'reality-based' cold-water on the situation:


They came, they spoke, they spiked EURUSD; but now just over 90 minutes later the full force and furor of the 3 horse-men (and 1 woman) of the Euro-zone have tried and failed to get any market belief in their constant tirade of the same facts and denials. No matter what Monti, Hollande, and Rajoy say, Merkel's reply summarizes to: "No Free Lunch" and while markets exhibit their 'spasmodic' response function to any comment from Europe, sooner now (rather than later) we revert to pre-bullshit levels. As a reminder, the half-life of the Spanish Bailout was 7 hours as we noted here which must make this total reversion particularly worrying for the 'elite'.

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Mugatu's picture

Its Silly Season - time for more rumors!

Add your own rumors below.  Here's mine:

EU to bail out all EU Banks with new EU wide Super Lotto.   

veyron's picture

It is rumored that Germany will adopt Ouzo as its primary beverage.  YAY Greece is saved!

magpie's picture

India will join the Eurozone ?

Ghordius's picture

nope, but they extended the Rupeezone to Iran

magpie's picture

Never too late to invite the Ukraine, Kazakhstan and Azerbaijan.

Dead Canary's picture

The ECB is going to put on a show!

Cash-NonCash's picture

Not a Rumor: 

BAC downgrade results in buyers who like uncertainty less than bad news. 

FullRetard OverDrive- Engage!!


smb12321's picture

Monti warns that the solution must be done WITHIN ONE WEEK or the world will end, so I guess this is adios, amigo.   See ya in pasta heaven.

slaughterer's picture

<<--buying more silver now around $26.60

<<--waiting for lower prices on silver to buy more

tekhneek's picture

You had me at buy more silver.

CommunityStandard's picture

Feeding bullshit to bulls doesn't last too long, does it?

Alea Iactaest's picture

Europe catches the flu and MS catches pneumonia. So much for that rally on a "better than expected" downgrade, now trading at $14.16 (by the way, nice job filling the gap on from yesterday's close to the morning open).

Note: Has anyone seen an article anywhere mentioning that there is a strong alignment of investors between Moody's and WFC? Forbes even had two articles last night making the case that WFC is focused on domestic markets and was, therefore, exempt from the ratings review. Not a single mention of the bath tub man.

Alea Iactaest's picture

FWIW, MS is not making waves with traders "selling on strength".

None of the banks are, for that matter. A bunch of blue chip names at the top. So if everyone is holding on a Friday, as the entire sector trades green, what does that tell you?

Buck Johnson's picture

This deal that "they struck" hasn't been ratifyed.

q99x2's picture

Sell the news buy the dip.

booboo's picture

Sell the news buy the SHEEP dip.

Fixed it.

Conman's picture

Buy what dip? Guacomole? Mango salsa? Triple refried bean? Me likey the dippy.

hnaparst's picture

They announced a bailout plan?  I missed it, damn.

fattail's picture

Don't worry the trading day is young.  Wait til about 1285 .

Alea Iactaest's picture

Might have to wait for the Euro summit next week.

TideFighter's picture

ah, too micro. hit (-) about 8 times. oops.

OutLookingIn's picture

The American Dream

We miss you George

George Carlin ~ May 2, 1937 - June 22, 2008

orangedrinkandchips's picture

He is one of a kind....such a good one.

I couldnt agree more and I feel around my friends and wife, family etc. that I am the only one who actually thinks and says..WTF? this is bullshit, no?

I feel like I am a in a concentration camp and/or a POW camp and feel like this is bullshit....this brainwash shit doesnt work with me.


Everyone just looks at me like I am crazy for thinking and saying the prison guards will shoot me down or something....


Cant fear death's the best thing going! It's an end!


Who really wants to play a game so rigged over and over and over ? (go to a'll find em).


enlightenment sucks! Ignorance is bliss!

crawldaddy's picture

its simple.  Countries supplying no good paying middle class jobs, FAIL. Noone left to payoff debt, noone left to buy shit.  All these years the market cheered and rewarded companies for laying of employees, were just in actuality cheering the tighting of the rope.


SHow me a prosperous country, I'll show you a prosperous middleclass.  If plutocracy worked, the banana republics would be nirvanas, they are in reality shit holes.


ANyone telling you things will turn around, ask them- what industry or sector is prepared to create MILLIONS of well paying jobs with benefits?  Because thats what we need, about 20 million good paying jobs in the US alone.

Al Huxley's picture

Banana republics are shitholes, EXCEPT for the top < 1%, who live like fucking royalty.  Ask the top 1% in the US (or anywhere) if they give a flying fuck about how prosperous the country, or the world, as a whole is.

JackT's picture

we only have a week left!!!!!

LawsofPhysics's picture

Retore the fucking rule of laws and contracts, allow for true price discovery and real consequences for BAD behavior (i.e. bankruptcy with the management, owners and shareholders paying back the creditors instead of the taxpayer).


Then all this bullshit fixes itself and compensation will return to thosse who's labor actually leads to the creation of real value (and not paper "products" of financial destruction).


Time to reap what you have sewn paper-pushers and political puppets.

Seorse Gorog from that Quantum Entanglement Fund. alright_.-'s picture

Germany vs Greece today... Deutschland über Griechenland. Will it be Ja oder nein?


All stand for the anthem:

? Deuuuutschland, Deuuutschland üuuber aalllles, durr dur dum dee da beep... ?


orangedrinkandchips's picture

So ironic, no?


I will be glued to the tube...1:30cst......


waiting for the double and football

green888's picture

Germany is asked to "lend" Greece a player, to even things up

Al Huxley's picture

It seems so weird, that with all the different incantations and spells they've tried, they still haven't found the magic words that will resolve this whole "we've spent more than we made for decades, and don't seem to be able to hide it anymore" issue and get the economy moving.  Keep trying guys! (and girl!) I'm sure those magic words exist, so just keep tossing out the promises, stern commitments, and maybe if you could cook up some fake statistics to demonstrate that things are improving that might help too.  Fuckheads...

crawldaddy's picture

its not just that, its that the boxed themselves in. If you dont control your own currency, you dont control shit.

ootofthehoos's picture

Is that an endorsement of debasing your currency?

Spastica Rex's picture

No, for having a big navy and lots of drone aircraft.

Alea Iactaest's picture

And granting selective access to SWIFT.

I can haz unintended consequences?

crawldaddy's picture

its more about controlling your own country.  Why would you give someone else power over your currency?


as often quoted

  "Give me control of a nation's money and I care not who makes it's laws" — Mayer Amschel Bauer Rothschild 

Backcreek's picture

Eurcopolypse now?

Dr. Engali's picture

It's a good thing the sheep have dancing with the stars to distract them or they just might see how retarded their elected officials actually are.

yogibear's picture

Quick ECB, you need to print faster, give more and more and more bailout money to the PIIGS.

PIIGS,  Keep on sucking up the bailout money and asking for more. Germany can require it's people to retire at 100 to satisfy the club-med south.

PS, Germany, France wants your money too.

The EU hit an iceberg and the bailout isn't working. Bigger and biger pails needed to bail out the PIIGS.


ghostzapper's picture

How much gas in the tank does today's dead cat have? 


How many bailout rumors will surface over the weekend?  I've set the over/under at 1.5. 

orangedrinkandchips's picture

"HANGING ON IN QUIET DESPERATION IS THE ENGLISH WAY....the time is gone, the song is over, thought I had something more to say....."


No wonder at all the album stayed on the top 100 for years and years...such a classic although I like Animals a bit more!


Roger Waters just tells it like it refreshing.

slaughterer's picture

<<--Weidmann: TARGET 2 ist ausser Kontrolle

<<--Weidmann: wir wollen "mehr Europa"

PaperBear's picture

The previous sugar high lasting 7 hours and now this sugar high lasting 90 minutes means the end of the road is approaching and approaching fast.

Alea Iactaest's picture

Why time the Op Twist extension to expire at the same time tax code changes? All very reassuring that there is a master plan and we DON'T HAVE A CLUE about what it is.

Al Huxley's picture

No, it just means somebody might finally have to fucking DO something, instead of just mouthing soothing words and floating bullshit rumors.  But hey, who knows, maybe Europe will defy all precedent and stoically crash and burn, rather than pushing the fucking EASY button available to every gov't with access to a printing press.


Germany's fucked, as far as enforcing austerity, but I'm sure they saw it coming when they got into the whole Euro mess, and presumably they have some sort of exit strategy up their sleeve.