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Live Webcast Of Ben Bernanke's Press Conference

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Today's FOMC circus concludes with Ben Bernanke saying a few generic words from prepared remarks, then answering Steve Liesman's and a few other journalists' questions, which all will boil down to the following: if the stock market drops by anything more than 1%, the stock market should rise immediately because will be there to prop it up, unemployment, inflation and the general economy be damned.

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Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:11 | 2544380 larry david
larry david's picture

Fucc you Bernanke!!!

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:16 | 2544416 Vincent Vega
Vincent Vega's picture

As it is such a commonly used (and well deserved) phrase on ZH, I would put forth that it be shortened to FYB!. It will save us all a number of keystrokes.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:19 | 2544433 economics9698
economics9698's picture

Its pretty fucking sad assessment on the state of our economic education when our fucking Federal Reserve Chairman doesn’t fucking understand economics.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:24 | 2544455 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

Who are the winners and the losers?

Follow the money... maybe he does.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:33 | 2544508 Pinto Currency
Pinto Currency's picture

 

ASk him how increasing US total system debt to $52 trillion has been a good thing.

It seems that negative real rates are an indication that the FED does not have a clue what it is doing.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:24 | 2544466 ACP
ACP's picture

Of course Steve LIESman gets the first question. I have a question for LIESman:

WHAT DOES BERNANKE'S PENIS TASTE LIKE?

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:32 | 2544503 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

My guess would be like toner cartridge ink.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:57 | 2544594 Fish Gone Bad
Fish Gone Bad's picture

Is Liesman even a journalist?  That seems pretty mean to lump him in with any real journalists.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:14 | 2544673 rufusbird
rufusbird's picture

Fluffer

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:25 | 2544472 optimator
optimator's picture

For a Yi, guy, that doesn't understand economics he's doing pretty good for the Bankster clan all these years.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:21 | 2544698 Bansters-in-my-...
Bansters-in-my- feces's picture

Please send all hate mail to FYB at FFR (fucking federal reserve).

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:30 | 2544497 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

That would make a great sticker.  Kind of like the HH (Hilton Head) people put on their cars.  Those a part of fight club could have it as a badge of honor.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:58 | 2544598 fightthepower
fightthepower's picture

I think its good to have the full "Fuck You Bernanke!" out there so it comes up on Google searches. 

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:16 | 2544676 Crumbles
Crumbles's picture

F T B

Fuck the Bernank

On T-Shirts and personalized plates everywhere.  

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:22 | 2544454 Race Car Driver
Race Car Driver's picture

Minutes of Hate.

The Media should parade a new image of some bankster, politico or tit-sucking-hanger-on every 15 minutes.

 

Oh... they already do that.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:12 | 2544385 WatchingIgnorance
WatchingIgnorance's picture

I knew I could smell shit in the air!!!

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:17 | 2544425 LoneStarHog
LoneStarHog's picture

Ergo the name WaShitOn, D.C. and the Fecal Reserve

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:32 | 2544507 eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

It makes me sick to my stomach to see him spewing that traitorous crap with the American flag right next to him.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:51 | 2544567 Bansters-in-my-...
Bansters-in-my- feces's picture

No,No...that shit you smell is from the "I pooped today" girls tee shirt...

No shit....

Ps...fuck you Benny and the Ink Jets.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:13 | 2544388 tomAsss
tomAsss's picture

I want his job ,...

it must be fun throwing money from helicopter :)

loooot of fun ;)

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:24 | 2544709 Crumbles
Crumbles's picture

Hueys are just so outdated - preferred method now is through the sewer, in secret so the Ones and Zeros pop up through the toilets in executive washrooms on Wall St.  And you thought they just went to visit the men's room to snort coke?   

Nah

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:26 | 2544390 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Lights! Cameras!

OK, bring on the clown.

The clown

Edit: CNBC's Liesman gets in the first suck......er........question.

Pssst........Liesman, wipe off your chin for god's sake.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 16:39 | 2544987 TWSceptic
TWSceptic's picture

Ok how did you post that image? Please explain? Did you get special privileges?

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:15 | 2544403 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Isn't it rich? Isn't it queer?

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:26 | 2544470 Mysteerious Roo...
Mysteerious Rooshian Vooman's picture

 

 

Losing my timex this late in my big rear...

You haff made ze Mysteerious Rooshian Vooman laff.

+1

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:46 | 2544545 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

Isn't it funny how the meanings of simple words change?

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:15 | 2544404 SeverinSlade
SeverinSlade's picture

Liesman better finish sucking off Bernanke before the press conference starts. 

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:16 | 2544417 resurger
resurger's picture

Why are you wearing a golden necktie trick.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:22 | 2544453 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

He needs to be wearing a Columbian necktie.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:28 | 2544488 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

Rats you beat me to it, my thoughts exactly!

Miffed:-)

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:30 | 2544501 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I hate that when that happens. I hate it even more when I post my thoughts and read further on to find out somebody posted the same thing.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 23:14 | 2545931 Miffed Microbio...
Miffed Microbiologist's picture

So true. I've noticed thats happened to many people here. Perhaps great minds think alike? I wish I had more time to peruse the threads. I'll see an interesting article in the morning and by the time I get off of work it's history. At least it's great to know there are people who aren't wasting their time watching MSM junk TV.

Miffed:-)

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:24 | 2544468 fuu
fuu's picture

It's a sign!

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:31 | 2544498 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

When trying to understand the puppet masters and their symbols, icons and hidden messages, one must never overlook something as obvious as a large Gold colored tie being worn by the head fiat pusher himself.

When he comes out in Gold boxers (or God forbid Gold briefs) it's time to sell my PMs.  :)

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:58 | 2544515 fuu
fuu's picture

He likes to wave with the left hand, the one with the gold on it. Nice liquiidty trap question that he avoided.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:12 | 2544667 flacon
flacon's picture

Look at how CNN doesn't want to show his tie - totally obvious they are trying to hide it. Just look at that photo:

 

http://money.cnn.com/2012/06/20/news/economy/bernanke-press-conference/index.htm?iid=Lead

Image here:

http://i2.cdn.turner.com/money/2012/06/20/news/economy/bernanke-press-conference/bernanke-fed-outlook.gi.top.jpg

 

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:39 | 2544792 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Wow.

Too freaking funny.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:16 | 2544419 robertocarlos
robertocarlos's picture

Jump you fokker.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:30 | 2544496 Global Hunter
Global Hunter's picture

It would be good for the careers of those guys who wrote "Hey Man Nice Shot" in the 90s another kick at the can, and by their careers I mean humanity of course.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:52 | 2544574 fuu
fuu's picture

Filter.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:16 | 2544420 kito
kito's picture

on behalf of the massive number of dow-dependent state and federal employee pension recipients, and the 401kers/ira-ers, id like to give a shout out to the plunge protection team...kudos today on keepin it unreal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!................

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:18 | 2544424 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

One step down and Five steps right back up...... Rinse and Repeat

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:19 | 2544428 Greater Fool
Greater Fool's picture

Cheech Marin should totally play him in Fed: The Movie.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:10 | 2544659 XitSam
XitSam's picture

Escape fron Federal Reserve

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:19 | 2544429 q99x2
q99x2's picture

Luck only protects stupidity for so long.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:38 | 2544521 kito
kito's picture

except that ben isnt stupid, id say considering his nefarious ways and ulterior motives, he has handled this brilliantly since taking the crown....................certainly he has proven to be much more calculating than the Mindless Money Printer character many people believe him to be .......................he certainly has frustrated our good friend tyler.................

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:50 | 2544565 Poor Grogman
Poor Grogman's picture

Go on Ben print

You know you want to...

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:23 | 2544707 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

yup

shit & fan have not occupied the same space-time event cone.  yet.  what a guy!

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:20 | 2544437 robertocarlos
robertocarlos's picture

I know that tone of voice. BB is going to start crying any minute now.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:50 | 2544568 irishlink
irishlink's picture

He always sounds like either he is going to cry or that someone has a gun to his head!

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:20 | 2544441 pupton
pupton's picture

Take your hand out of your pocket you turd!

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:22 | 2544442 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

So high oil prices are transitory but low prices mean inflation is low?

Bernanke you lying little cock sucker.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:19 | 2544688 Village Smithy
Village Smithy's picture

I would like to think that today's reaction in WTI sealed the deal for Ben that QE is not viable, all the money goes straight to the most liquid assets. Pardon the pun. Even though I'm sure he has been instructing his PDs to hold down the price of oil it obviously had been raring to rip on more QE. 

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:21 | 2544443 nobusiness
nobusiness's picture

He gets a nice cushy chair now.  I guess that is why he is Chairman

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:21 | 2544444 bdc63
bdc63's picture

fucking liesman and his truely fucking ridiculous question

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:21 | 2544445 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

Someone explain to me, why do we let a private "for profit" corporation determine the economic future of a country?  Hello... hello...PUT THESE MOTHERFUCKERS OUT OF BUSINESS NOW!!!!!!!!

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:29 | 2544494 Kaiser Sousa
Kaiser Sousa's picture

"Someone explain to me, why do we let a private "for profit" corporation determine the economic future of a country?"....
cause most of the 99% r fucking cowards and think civil disobedience is a strategy that works against sociopaths....
nothing will change until the bankers r shot and removed from society....

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:09 | 2544654 Poor Grogman
Poor Grogman's picture

Because they are the new witchdoctors

And every society must have it's witchdoctor class....

I hope that helps?

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:22 | 2544447 BlackholeDivestment
BlackholeDivestment's picture

...awe Bu Bu Bu Benny and the 911 Jets

awe yer weird not wonderful

awe Benny you are really Cain 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YUalN7PK98

You got yer Zero ooo

and Muppets suck your boobs

I read it in Time Magazine oh oh 

Bu Bu Bu Benny and the 911 Jets

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqEo-gg7mE8&feature=related

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:22 | 2544449 Peter Pan
Peter Pan's picture

The world is in serious trouble when the problem solver is part of the problem.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:20 | 2544490 walküre
walküre's picture

If we all agreed not to participate it wouldn't be our problem. Start unions across the country and demand to get paid in gold and silver. Hehe.

They're exploiting each and every one of us for their pleasures because we're forced to accept their worthless paper money in return for our hard work, services, talents etc.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:58 | 2544602 BlackholeDivestment
BlackholeDivestment's picture

...Good eyes Pete. Now I know your first name is not a cover for Bolongna, like Lo or something.

Yes, BIG TROUBLE! 

One does not really have to ask ''the question'', do we? ...like, one of these bought and paid for media whores given a ''Press (LMAO) Pass'', as my friend Jack would say to Chairsatan--> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPE7evFnwMg

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:22 | 2544450 DrDinkus
DrDinkus's picture

incrementalism? is that a word?

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:00 | 2544612 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

yes

it refers to can-kicking;  disjointed incrementalism = muddling through

that is by definition, not something i made up; the defintion is from political science theory

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:43 | 2544780 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

maybe expando that a little

johnMauldin, whom we were discussing last weekend both as having the chairsatan's ear duringRetreat and conferencing and having just formed what appears to be a marketing partnership with the top dCasey people a\is down [for years] as seeing this approach as being workable here:  muddling through

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:22 | 2544451 dwdollar
dwdollar's picture

Steve Liesman... lol...

WTF does an MIT graduate have to do with it?

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:32 | 2544500 Village Smithy
Village Smithy's picture

It's from his innermost fantasy but with a sub 1500 SAT it just never happened.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:22 | 2544452 SeverinSlade
SeverinSlade's picture

Bernanke: "Stock is more important than flow."

LOL

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:23 | 2544457 eclectic syncretist
eclectic syncretist's picture

BS berstanke will say the government needs to take steps to stimulate the economy, while making huge budget cuts.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:23 | 2544463 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

Steve LIESman sucks donkey boner

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:38 | 2544519 slackrabbit
slackrabbit's picture

thats an insult to donkeys ;-)

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:37 | 2544520 slackrabbit
slackrabbit's picture

thats an insult to donkeys ;-)

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:54 | 2544582 Gavrikon
Gavrikon's picture

That's an insult to professional suckers of donkey boners.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:24 | 2544469 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Man listen to them beg for more. Get down on your knees and suck his dick bitchez!

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:26 | 2544480 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

Invest in rope and then HANG ALL THESE THIEVING LYING MOTHERFUCKERS.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:27 | 2544481 stinkhammer
stinkhammer's picture

wasn't lumpy a friend of the beaver?

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:47 | 2544550 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

It was Ward who was hard on the Beaver.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:27 | 2544486 death_to_fed_tyranny
death_to_fed_tyranny's picture

DEATH TO FED TYRANNY! HANG THE BERNANKSTER WITH PIANO WIRE!

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:28 | 2544489 Xue
Xue's picture

These journalists are just a bunch of junkies asking for a new QE fix. They're pathetic.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:31 | 2544502 pupton
pupton's picture

Pweez, Mister Bernanke...tell us everything will be okay...TOOLS!!!

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:35 | 2544512 Nonexistent Uni...
Nonexistent Uninvented God's picture

Just the sound of his voice, let alone the bullshit pouring out of his mouth, makes me physically sick.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:37 | 2544516 UTICA CLUB XX PURE
UTICA CLUB XX PURE's picture

According to him Congress still has a viable role in our Govt.

Maybe someone should tell him that Under Obama we no longer need those pesky Congressmen.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:39 | 2544522 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Quavering voice Ben basically saying:

"SSDD - until the SHTF for the stock market, at which point we will bring out the fluffing team to make sure the bank stocks and the cotton candy equities don't crash to maintain the illusion that we are not in a Depression - and to punish savers and retirees while rewarding banks and the kleptoligarchy."

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:38 | 2544524 StockHut
StockHut's picture

It's honestly hilarious how delusional Bernanke is.  Does he actually believe anything he is saying?

Also, how fucking stupid are all these reporters asking questions? Can not one person present a well reasoned austrian economic argument that makes Bernanke look like a clown?

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:41 | 2544532 bdc63
bdc63's picture

those type of reporters were rooted out a LONG time ago

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:58 | 2544603 irishlink
irishlink's picture

He is actually admitting that the fed will control  markets  due to the size of the purchases of certain asset classes.! monolopy with monopoly money  LOL

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:32 | 2544755 fuu
fuu's picture

The Japanese guy sneaked a Liquidity Trap question in there.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:43 | 2544534 dwdollar
dwdollar's picture

Well they could... but they wouldn't be invited back next time. My... the virtues of big privileged dinosaur media.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:47 | 2544529 bdc63
bdc63's picture

"Mortgage access more restricted than it has been in awhile"

There it is ... he has telegraphed it so don't say you weren't warned: Bernanke will be buying mortgage paper within the month.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:43 | 2544536 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

Benny said he's in consultation mode? What the hell is that sopposed to mean? So far his "consultation" hasn't been worth a shit. finally, does that CNBC Bitch Bartiromo think we're still in a frigg'in "Soft Patch"? IDIOTS!!!

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:45 | 2544544 CrashisOptimistic
CrashisOptimistic's picture

Consultation mode was a very bearish statement.  It says he's doing nothing whatsoever but offer advice to the Europeans.  No Fed bailout pending or even considered.

That is off the table.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:01 | 2544619 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

Yea, your right, that is what I pulled from that answer from "Benign Ben".

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:47 | 2544553 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

the only "soft patch" she would know anything about is between her legs.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:59 | 2544605 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

Or ears...

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:44 | 2544543 Negro Primero
Negro Primero's picture

Enough lies for today Bernanke, see you in Honolulu!

>>> http://www.justin.tv/michaelrivero#/w/3285137168

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:46 | 2544547 Bansters-in-my-...
Bansters-in-my- feces's picture

This neB eknanreB,he is a terrorist is he not ?

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:46 | 2544548 Snakeeyes
Snakeeyes's picture

Do I detect panic? No mention QE-MBS, so Agency MBS took a little hit today.

QE3 in September!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It smells like ... panic.

 http://confoundedinterest.wordpress.com/2012/06/20/will-bernanke-twist-again-like-he-did-last-fall-the-evidence/

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:47 | 2544549 goldencrumbs
goldencrumbs's picture

FYB!

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:49 | 2544560 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

Ben just said that the forecast models show a decline in spending...

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:51 | 2544562 epwpixieq-1
epwpixieq-1's picture

It is amazing to hear Bernanke saying that it will be good for the FED to receive help from "the other branches of the government".

I am wondering, and please someone help me here, since when FED IS part of the government? And if this is the case, why it can not be audited?

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:00 | 2544609 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

it's not part of the govt. it's a corrupt business praying on people

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:45 | 2544818 optimator
optimator's picture

A little hint.  If the Fed ever is audited get some El Al Airline stock as it will soar.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:50 | 2544564 Conman
Conman's picture

Fat boys back from Delmonicos liek I said earlier. Ya thats right, unload all those FB shares to the muppets.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:00 | 2544610 walküre
walküre's picture

Have you had their maccaroni & cheese? To die for. Trust me, the real Fat Boys aren't eating there. They barely trust their own private chefs.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:04 | 2544636 Conman
Conman's picture

I've had msot everythign there. And yes the fat boys do eat there.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:24 | 2544711 walküre
walküre's picture

Do something random then. Get up and punch them.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:51 | 2544570 Silversem
Silversem's picture

Thanks federal chairman for creating an interesting cfd trading environment.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 17:23 | 2545147 radarthreat
radarthreat's picture

Thanks Silversem for creating an uninteresting spam post

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:52 | 2544576 Gavrikon
Gavrikon's picture

The word "fuck" seems to be getting alot of play today.

Of course, what else would one expect when fucktards are running the world?

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:53 | 2544577 Hetty Green
Hetty Green's picture

"We are hoping for the best."  I swear, you couldn't make this up!

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:01 | 2544604 bdc63
bdc63's picture

Some interesting sound bites, for sure.  My major take aways are

1. Europe is on their own - the FED won't be buying any European debt, and they ain't help'in any other way either.  But if the Euro collapses, he's ready to protect the US economy and financial system

2. He's gonna start buying mortgage paper 'tout de suite'

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:54 | 2544583 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

ppt holding the market up.  

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:06 | 2544645 Bansters-in-my-...
Bansters-in-my- feces's picture

ESF fund at play.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:55 | 2544587 the 300000000th...
the 300000000th percent's picture

"we shouldnt take a false sence of percision from economic predictions" Ben Bernanke. The only truth he told today

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:56 | 2544589 It is a bargin ...
It is a bargin my friend's picture

Why isn't gold going spaz on all this shit, this guy looks frightened

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 16:43 | 2545010 efiniti
efiniti's picture

I'm confused as well.  This has always happened before...

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:58 | 2544596 resurger
resurger's picture

Are you in liquidity trap?

whats that!! O_0

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:58 | 2544599 Kreditanstalt
Kreditanstalt's picture

"THAT BEING SAID"...why the hell should anyone pay any attention to this talking had or the outfit he works for...

 

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:58 | 2544600 q99x2
q99x2's picture

ChairSatan wins additional bad karma points.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:59 | 2544601 carbonmutant
carbonmutant's picture

If the BLS doesn't properly manipulate the employment numbers we will have to provide further easing...

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 14:59 | 2544606 jack stephan
jack stephan's picture

Trip down memory lane, oh and congrats to the tylers and wb7, later you characters.

SEWARD, NE—Claiming he wasn't afraid to let everyone in attendance know about "the real mess we're in," Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke reportedly got drunk Tuesday and told everyone at Elwood's Corner Tavern about how absolutely fucked the U.S. economy actually is.
Bernanke, who sources confirmed was "totally sloshed," arrived at the drinking establishment at approximately 5:30 p.m., ensconced himself upon a bar stool, and consumed several bottles of Miller High Life and a half-dozen shots of whiskey while loudly proclaiming to any patron who would listen that the economic outlook was "pretty goddamned awful if you want the God's honest truth."
"Look, they don't want anyone except for the Washington, D.C. bigwigs to know how bad shit really is," said Bernanke, slurring his words as he spoke. "Mounting debt exacerbated—and not relieved—by unchecked consumption, spiraling interest rates, and the grim realities of an inevitable worldwide energy crisis are projected to leave our entire economy in the shitter for, like, a generation, man, I'm telling you."
Enlarge Image?A drunken Bernanke attempts to find the Aerosmith song "Back In The Saddle" on the bar jukebox.
"And hell, as long as we're being honest, I might as well tell you that a truer estimate of the U.S. unemployment rate is actually up around 16 percent, with a 0.7 percent annual rate of economic growth if we're lucky—if we're lucky," continued Bernanke, nearly knocking a full beer over while gesturing with his hands. "Of course, if everybody knew that, it would likely cripple financial markets across the entire fucking globe, even in various emerging economies with self- sustaining growth."
After launching into an extended 45-minute diatribe about shortsighted moves by "those bastards in Congress" that could potentially exacerbate the nation's already deeply troublesome budget imbalance, the Federal Reserve chairman reportedly bought a round of tequila shots for two customers he had just met who were seated on either side of him, announcing, "I love these guys."
Numerous bar patrons slowly nodded in agreement as Bernanke went on to suggest the United States could pass three or four more stimulus packages and "it wouldn't even matter."
"You think that's going to create long-term economic growth, let alone promote job creation?" Bernanke said. "We're way beyond that, my friend. There are no jobs, okay? There's nothing. I think that calls for another drink, don't you?"
While using beer bottles and pretzel sticks in an attempt to explain to the bartender the importance of infusing $650 billion into the bond market, the inebriated Fed chairman nearly fell off his stool and had to be held up by the patron sitting next to him.
Another bargoer confirmed Bernanke stood about 2 inches from her face and sprayed her with saliva, claiming inflation was going to "totally screw" consumer confidence and then asking if he could bum a smoke.
"Sure, we could hold down long-term interest rates and pursue a program of quantitative easing, but c'mon, we all know that's not going to make the slightest bit of difference when it comes to output, demand, or employment," Bernanke said before being told to "try to keep [his] voice down" by the bartender. "And trust me, with the value of the U.S. dollar in the toilet, import costs going through the roof, and numerous world governments unprepared for their own substantial debt burdens, shit's not looking too good for us abroad, either."
"God, I'm so wasted," added Bernanke, resting his head on the bar.
Later in the evening, Richard Kampman, a truck driver who was laid off in 2010, said Bernanke approached him in the men's restroom and attempted to strike up a conversation about various factors contributing to the current financial crisis.
"He stumbled up to the urinal and started mumbling on about the depressed housing sector or something," said Kampman, who claimed Bernanke had to use both hands on the wall to steady himself. "Then after a while he just sort of stopped and I couldn't tell if he was laughing or crying."
"Then he puked all over the sink and the mirror," Kampman added.
Customers at the bar told reporters the "shitfaced" and disruptive Bernanke refused to pay for his drinks with U.S. currency, claiming it was "worthless." Witnesses also confirmed that near the end of the evening, Bernanke put money into the jukebox and selected Dire Straits' "Money For Nothing" to play five times in a row.
"This is what it's all about," said Bernanke, who reportedly danced alone in the middle of the dark tavern. "Fucking love this song."

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:02 | 2544607 Conman
Conman's picture

The Federal government will not be buying European sovereign debt - The Bernank

Any algos want to read this and run with it because it came out of those bearded sweet lips a minute ago.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:03 | 2544631 flacon
flacon's picture

...just currency swaps and loans to Euro banks... 

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:01 | 2544613 tomAsss
tomAsss's picture

he will not buy euro trash debit ?

damnnnnnn!!!

sell sell sell

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:01 | 2544616 Plymster
Plymster's picture

Ben sounds pretty terrified.  He sounds reluctant to engage in more blatant QE, and wants to engage in other funny business.  The thing is, I don't think he has a clue how his other BS maneuvers will play out.

Nice liquidity trap question.  As I took it, his answer was basically, "yeah, we're in a liquidity trap, but we can still weasel around, so look out!".

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:31 | 2544750 walküre
walküre's picture

The thing is, I don't think he has a clue

Does he still think he has a clue? Do the political leaders think he still has a clue?

Eventually they're running out of options for more denial and will admit that there's no way to fix it other than a complete reset.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:01 | 2544617 narapoiddyslexia
narapoiddyslexia's picture

"We are hopeful..."

"There's a lot of work to be done..."

"We have been monitoring the situation very closely..."

"We are hoping for the best..."

"We are looking for new ways to help the economy..."

"Economic projections have a lot of uncertainty about them..."

"Large assets purchases increase the size of our balance sheet..."

"There are some financial stability issues we are monitoring..."

"We will continue to monitor the economy..."

"We will have to take other kinds of steps to stimulate the economy..."

"Credit to consumers?"

"I've known Jeremy for a long time and he is an outstanding academic."

 

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:06 | 2544640 flacon
flacon's picture

Yeah... "academic". Piece of shit Jeremy wants letters after his name "Pee H. Dee". It's always about the accolades for these pompous ego-maniacs. 

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:09 | 2544655 Village Smithy
Village Smithy's picture

Are we talking about Ron Jeremy here?

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:01 | 2544618 resurger
resurger's picture

Carol & Jermy? who the fuck is Jermy?!

Smoking hot Jewie..

Carol: "Thank You"

Ben"Thank you" here is my number, call me maybe

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:02 | 2544625 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

If anyone in that room has a dick they need to fuck Berfuckass in the ass.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:03 | 2544627 ZippyBananaPants
ZippyBananaPants's picture

Bernanke masterfully avoids mentioning the name JP Morgan while be asked about the Volcker rule. He is asked: should regulators move more quickly given what happened at JP Morgan? The "event you are referring to" he calls it, before offering: "It's been a very difficult process with the amount of work that has to be done, the amount of coordination that has to be done."

that's a full sentence that means absolutely nothing. A genius at work.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:03 | 2544629 MrNude
MrNude's picture

Come on everybody clap your hands
Now you're looking good
I'm gonna sing my song and you won't take long
We gotta do the twist and it goes like this

Come on let's twist again like we did last summer
Yea, let's twist again like we did last year
Do you remember when things were really hummin'
Yea, let's twist again, twistin' time is here

Yeah round 'n around 'n up 'n down we go again
Oh baby make me know you love me so then
Come on let's twist again like we did last summer
Yea, let's twist again, twistin' time is here

Come on let's twist again like we did last summer
Yea, let's twist again like we did last year
Do you remember when things were really hummin'
Yea, let's twist again, twistin' time is here

Yeah round 'n around 'n up 'n down we go again
Oh baby make me know you love me so then
Come on let's twist again like we did last summer
Yea, let's twist again, twistin' time is here

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:04 | 2544634 Benjamin Glutton
Benjamin Glutton's picture

Bernanke says JPM being looked at for "control and governance issues".

 

 

FRAUD for all my whales.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:05 | 2544638 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

the way this market is moving I'd say the big pricks are exiting.  Tomo they pull the rug.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:35 | 2544774 walküre
walküre's picture

Just who are they going to sell this market to?

They all know the algos are rigging this game and that real buyers are scarce. They also know not to trust each other because they know that nobody is trusting them either.

Can we already start a bet on who is going to take the fall this time? JPM or MS seem like logical candidates to me. The script fits.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:12 | 2544666 Arnold Ziffel
Arnold Ziffel's picture
Canada home price boom to grind to a halt(Reuters)

 

TORONTO (Reuters) - Canada's housing boom will grind to a halt next year, stopped by price declines in the condominium-saturated markets of Toronto and Vancouver, according to a Reuters poll, raising the risk of a broader economic slowdown.

 

http://news.yahoo.com/canada-home-price-boom-grind-halt-150347593.html

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:14 | 2544672 virgilcaine
virgilcaine's picture

.. some beard stroking and quivering but nothing substantial.. not even a hand steeple gesture.

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:16 | 2544678 rubearish10
rubearish10's picture

Everyone heard it, right? Benank said Treasury duration extension to where's he's buying would offset 'cause that would be more obvious meonetization. So, Treasury keeps duration low so Fed could replenish it's depleting short term holdings "via dealers" to keep the fuckin' circle jerk ponzi in flight!

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:18 | 2544686 caimen garou
caimen garou's picture

yep sounds to me he was kinda nervous and I would love to know whats really left in his little tool box! not much I suspect ,maybe some duct tape and bailing wire

Wed, 06/20/2012 - 15:47 | 2544823 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

i think he is down to a cyanide pill

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