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Live Webcast Of Jamie Dimon Hearing

Tyler Durden's picture


The crony capitalist show must go on: those bribed by Jamie Dimon are about to ask question of the same person. That this theatrical hearing will be a farce is by now well known by absolutely everyone, as confirmed by the rumor that late last night someone ordered 22 copies of "Credit Default Swaps for Bought and Paid For Senatorial Muppet Idiots" from Amazon.com. In the off chance Dimon slips and does say something of significance, here is your chance to follow the next 2 hours live. Everyone else will be.

Live C-Span webcast at the link below and full prepared remarks here:

And as a reminder, here is who is asking the "questions."


Finally, it is truly hilarious to watch Senators question a bank for assuming it is Too Big To Fail. May we remind the members of Senate of vote HR 1424 aka TARP, which guaranteed perpetual moral hazard? It just happened to pass with a 74 to 25 vote.

Vote summary

Question: On Passage of the Bill (H. R. 1424 As Amended )
Vote Number: 213 Vote Date: October 1, 2008, 09:22 PM
Required For Majority: 3/5 Vote Result: Bill Passed
Measure Number: H.R. 1424 (A bill to provide authority for the Federal Government to purchase and insure certain types of troubled assets for the purposes of providing stability to and preventing disruption in the economy and financial system and protecting taxpayers, to amend the Internal Revenue Code of 1986 to provide incentives for energy production and conservation, to extend certain expiring provisions, to provide individual income tax relief, and for other purposes. )
Measure Title: A bill to provide authority for the Federal Government to purchase and insure certain types of troubled assets for the purposes of providing stability to and preventing disruption in the economy and financial system and protecting taxpayers, to amend the Internal Revenue Code of 1986 to provide incentives for energy production and conservation, to extend certain expiring provisions, to provide individual income tax relief, and for other purposes.
Vote Counts: YEAs 74
  NAYs 25
  Not Voting 1
Vote Summary By Senator Name By Vote Position By Home State


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Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:03 | 2521376 Money 4 Nothing
Money 4 Nothing's picture

Bear in mind, he was INVITED to testify so send out the clowns for the dog and pony show.


More regulation will be one of the key terms touched on.

VaPOriZaTioN. BiTChes!! It's not our cash anyway, it's the Federal Reserves Property.


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:05 | 2521394 Thomas
Thomas's picture

Is that Senator Tim Johnson or Nigel Farage?

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:08 | 2521406 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



Let me be the first to say, here today, that Blair is a lying cunt.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:08 | 2521416 Thomas
Thomas's picture

Can't say I was rushing to beat you to that one.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:14 | 2521428 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



Freudian slip...Blythe the Witch.  My keyboard is possessed. Satan get back!  Only sell orders...cannot buy silver.  Who gave Blythe FLAME?  Hedging my ass!  Put her ass under oath.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:21 | 2521520 Muppet Pimp
Muppet Pimp's picture

Shelby in the process of a 5 min reacharound on Jamie with such niceties as (paraphrasing) "But Mr. Dimons bank did not engage in much of the risky trades as the others"  "I don't know why we don't have any of the other banks down here" "Perhaps this will allow the other banks to learn from JP Morgan Chase's mistakes".  Shelby knows exactly who pays to keep him in his ivory tower. 

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:31 | 2521584 Thomas
Thomas's picture

Johnson did indeed have brain surgery...


Maybe it was a transplant (donor most likely to be another member of Congress).

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:36 | 2521620 Money 4 Nothing
Money 4 Nothing's picture

I can tell... They all do to some extent or another.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:37 | 2521631 tocointhephrase
tocointhephrase's picture

Die already!

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:57 | 2521752 What does it al...
What does it all mean's picture

IF there is a clawback on Ina, CIO, London Whale... shouldn't it ALSO be applied to CFO, CEO, Jaime and the rest of the geniuses that runs JPM?  (And gotten paid off CIO's gains in the past?)

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:01 | 2521766 derek_vineyard
derek_vineyard's picture

is that jamie dimon or jerry sandusky?   no matter, same difference

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:10 | 2521820 Tim White
Tim White's picture

Preditors are predators, regardless of the prey...

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:29 | 2521892 Matt
Matt's picture

Senator Jon Tester looks like one to keep an eye on; he's finally asking questions about MF GLobal and why it took 7 months for JPM to refund some of that money.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:37 | 2521932 TrainWreck1
TrainWreck1's picture

"I did not...have sex...with that ATM..."

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:46 | 2521973 What does it al...
What does it all mean's picture

Jamie Dimon just admitted that it is more than $3-$4 Billion...  (11:44AM).  He said "This synthetic credit portfolio has 3 to 4 billion income before lost all of it.".

So, that is confirmed on record now...  Still could be higher. 

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:56 | 2522013 0z
0z's picture

Yes, at least he was invited. Who would want to live in a place where people are forced to answer other's questions!? I feel for him, spending hours with a bunch of world deserving lunatics. It disgusts me when they say things like " OUR financial institutions" or "OUR financial system". How arrogant! I own my life, my body and my property. None of it is "theirs."

That's all I have to say. GO Dimon GO! Destroy this corrupt system with your derivatives!! Cheers, cheers!!

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:59 | 2522032 What does it al...
What does it all mean's picture

Merkley for the win!  11:55AM.  (One should youtube that exchange...)

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:04 | 2522047 Oro
Oro's picture

Here we go the with quatum question!   Down?  

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:51 | 2522210 12ToothAssassin
12ToothAssassin's picture

How is it a hearing when everything is prepared ahead of time and it follows the script? WHy even have it, The Seantor's aides should just email Dimon's lawyers and enter the written conversation as congressional record then be done with it neatly swept under the rug..

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:50 | 2521719 GoNavy
GoNavy's picture

The surgery for this was six YEARS ago, an entire Senate term.


Don't these guys have a disability provision in their more than generous retirement packages???


Don't the people of South Dakota deserve a capable senator?

Don't the American people deserve somebody in the Senate overseeing banks who is actually up to the job?

I feel sorry for the guy's malady, but six YEARS???? C'mon....

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:05 | 2521794 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

they installed one?

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:11 | 2521822 tabasco71
tabasco71's picture

Maybe Johnson is supposed to be symbolic...

Maybe they are trying to demonstrate that these trades are so clearly and obviously toxic and impossible to control that even a ret*rd can see it... 


(again, no probs with the handicapped... just playing for the laughs... so please don't strike me down God!)

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:33 | 2521602 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:04 | 2521782 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Check is in the mail

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:25 | 2521878 Gringo Viejo
Gringo Viejo's picture

Spot on Mupp. Life imitating art......the scene in GF2 when Senator Geary gives Michael Corleone his reach around.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:40 | 2521582 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

Silly, no one goes under oath anymore. Only plebeians do that. They don't even have to respond to congressional subpoenas - especially when the president has nominated you for a Supreme Court position. Why show respect for the process? http://www.salon.com/2008/07/31/subpoenas_3/

On a lighter note, saw this on a Jamie biography entry: 

 After graduation, Sandy Weill convinced him to turn down offers from Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, and Lehman Brothers to join him as an assistant at American Express.[10] Although Weill could not offer the same amount of money as the investment banks, Weill promised Dimon that he would have "fun".

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:55 | 2521743 GoldenGal
GoldenGal's picture

Replace the "I" in Dimon with an "e" and what do you get? 


Then nyou have partners (Al) Gore and Blood that want you to pay a carbon tax for breathing

Hmmmm, who is in charge of all this right now...?

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:10 | 2521429 Short Memories
Short Memories's picture

Listing to Tim Johnson... Is this a joke?

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:21 | 2521481 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture


Tim Johnson: "Mr Dimon. How is it economically possible that your firm incurred a loss when we give you the money for free?"

Jamie Dimon: "Well Senator, if we didn't take a hit once in awhile, the muppets may figure out that the game is rigged."

Tim Johnson: "Thank you Mister Dimon"

Jamie Dimon: "I'll see you at the Country Club at 2:00 Tim."

Tim Johnson: "We need a fourth, Jamie. Can you call Corzine?"


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:25 | 2521547 Hippocratic Oaf
Hippocratic Oaf's picture

Simple 2 step process here......


1. Apply vaseline

2. Circle jerk

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:00 | 2521745 tabasco71
tabasco71's picture

The only explanation I can think of (in using Johnson here) is that they are trying to make Dimon snigger... kinda like a staring match?

The negative press he would receive for reacting badly, is about the worst they could do to him today.


(I have no issue with the handicapped, a member of my own family had a negative result from a surgery, so its no laughing matter and from what I read, respect is due to the chap for getting back to where he has)

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:23 | 2521824 Jolly.Roger
Jolly.Roger's picture


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:21 | 2521486 MillionDollarBonus_
MillionDollarBonus_'s picture

Sorry to break it to libertarians, but this whole fiasco PROVES that deregulation simply does not work. Some decisions need to be delegated to government regulators, who have selflessly dedicated their lives to HELPING people, and NOT to selfishness. It is a statistical fact that government regulators are

1. Capable of making smarter and more objective decisions than business leaders, as their decisions are not distorted by the profit motive

2. Far more trustworthy than greedy profiteers and industrialists, since they have chosen to join the government rather than the dog-eat-dog free market

And don't give me this nonsense about letting consumers decide which businesses to support with their spending choices, that simlpy won't work. Consumers need to be forced to make the right choices, by specialists and professionals in the industry. That is the only way to guarentee that there is no corruption.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:28 | 2521556 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

MDB, Could you cite these statistical facts by article or white paper for me? I could use a good laugh.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:42 | 2521662 MillionDollarBonus_
MillionDollarBonus_'s picture

This is a well known fact. These facts are are so self-evident, that most liberals will assume them without stating them explicitly. I am going the extra mile to educate ignorant libertarians on the reasoning behind government regulations. Also, in the unlikely case that a regulation is unjust, the President can simly override it by executive order, so there is no justficiation for whining whatsoever.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:54 | 2521738 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

MDB, your premise is as relevent and inane as a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 14:03 | 2522515 Carl Spackler
Carl Spackler's picture
  • 63 full-time OCC bank examiners at JPMorgan FAILED to pick up the CIO risk management scent or examine the safety & soundness of the unit's operation over the course of years (plural!)...these dogs are not capable hunters !
  • The CDS position data of JPMorgan, et al., is regularly filed with the Federal Reserve, and as Tyler Durden has pointed out previously, the Federal Reserve FAILED to identify the behavioral anomalies (i.e., relatively massive sizes of positions) in the data submissions, yet after quick review and analysis Tyler picked it out immediately!

CONCLUSION:  Government regulators added zero "alpha" returns. Therefore, there is no reason to rely on them to conduct risk management of any sort or to make policy...let alone rely upon them.

And if you have the nerve to reply that JPM is an isolated incident, I offer Exhibit #2, MF GLOBAL.

Game, set, match MDB...YOU LOSE...again and again and again and again


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:40 | 2521648 Matt
Matt's picture

So, how did the interview at The Goldman Sachs go?

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:45 | 2521685 aheady
aheady's picture

Straining a bit there, aren't you?

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 15:55 | 2523147 Defiant1968
Defiant1968's picture

Finally someone on this board with some common sense - Go MDB!

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:15 | 2521468 resurger
resurger's picture

the 5th

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:19 | 2521492 YuropeanImbecille
YuropeanImbecille's picture

Is this normal that they read statements for 18 minutes? why not just publish this fucking nonsense online ?


My first hearing

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:22 | 2521524 i_call_you_my_base
i_call_you_my_base's picture

Normal. These things are about grandstanding, nothing more.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:29 | 2522133 ExpendableOne
ExpendableOne's picture

Dog + Pony == congresional or senate hearing....  Nothing useful ever comes out of them, though some have better than average entertainment value.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:10 | 2521430 infotechsailor
infotechsailor's picture

Did Tim Johnson have a stroke last night? He's literally talking out of the side of his mouth... that or he never learned to read.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:30 | 2521573 orangedrinkandchips
orangedrinkandchips's picture

Thank you! I am NOT crazy but he's either piss-ass drunk, retarded or had a stroke.


You cant understand the idiot. And he runs our country?



Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:43 | 2521668 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

Piss-Ass Drunk Retarded Stroke Victims = Politicians

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:15 | 2521720 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

quit insulting the disabled (they're much smarter)

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:30 | 2522136 ExpendableOne
ExpendableOne's picture

Piss-Ass Drunk retarded stroke victims would be preferable to most politicians.  (smarter too)

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 15:47 | 2523113 Bolweevil
Bolweevil's picture

lol, thank you.

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