This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.

Live Webcast Of Jamie Dimon Hearing

Tyler Durden's picture


The crony capitalist show must go on: those bribed by Jamie Dimon are about to ask question of the same person. That this theatrical hearing will be a farce is by now well known by absolutely everyone, as confirmed by the rumor that late last night someone ordered 22 copies of "Credit Default Swaps for Bought and Paid For Senatorial Muppet Idiots" from In the off chance Dimon slips and does say something of significance, here is your chance to follow the next 2 hours live. Everyone else will be.

Live C-Span webcast at the link below and full prepared remarks here:

And as a reminder, here is who is asking the "questions."


Finally, it is truly hilarious to watch Senators question a bank for assuming it is Too Big To Fail. May we remind the members of Senate of vote HR 1424 aka TARP, which guaranteed perpetual moral hazard? It just happened to pass with a 74 to 25 vote.

Vote summary

Question: On Passage of the Bill (H. R. 1424 As Amended )
Vote Number: 213 Vote Date: October 1, 2008, 09:22 PM
Required For Majority: 3/5 Vote Result: Bill Passed
Measure Number: H.R. 1424 (A bill to provide authority for the Federal Government to purchase and insure certain types of troubled assets for the purposes of providing stability to and preventing disruption in the economy and financial system and protecting taxpayers, to amend the Internal Revenue Code of 1986 to provide incentives for energy production and conservation, to extend certain expiring provisions, to provide individual income tax relief, and for other purposes. )
Measure Title: A bill to provide authority for the Federal Government to purchase and insure certain types of troubled assets for the purposes of providing stability to and preventing disruption in the economy and financial system and protecting taxpayers, to amend the Internal Revenue Code of 1986 to provide incentives for energy production and conservation, to extend certain expiring provisions, to provide individual income tax relief, and for other purposes.
Vote Counts: YEAs 74
  NAYs 25
  Not Voting 1
Vote Summary By Senator Name By Vote Position By Home State



- advertisements -

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:03 | 2521376 Money 4 Nothing
Money 4 Nothing's picture

Bear in mind, he was INVITED to testify so send out the clowns for the dog and pony show.


More regulation will be one of the key terms touched on.

VaPOriZaTioN. BiTChes!! It's not our cash anyway, it's the Federal Reserves Property.


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:05 | 2521394 Thomas
Thomas's picture

Is that Senator Tim Johnson or Nigel Farage?

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:08 | 2521406 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



Let me be the first to say, here today, that Blair is a lying cunt.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:08 | 2521416 Thomas
Thomas's picture

Can't say I was rushing to beat you to that one.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:14 | 2521428 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture



Freudian slip...Blythe the Witch.  My keyboard is possessed. Satan get back!  Only sell orders...cannot buy silver.  Who gave Blythe FLAME?  Hedging my ass!  Put her ass under oath.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:21 | 2521520 Muppet Pimp
Muppet Pimp's picture

Shelby in the process of a 5 min reacharound on Jamie with such niceties as (paraphrasing) "But Mr. Dimons bank did not engage in much of the risky trades as the others"  "I don't know why we don't have any of the other banks down here" "Perhaps this will allow the other banks to learn from JP Morgan Chase's mistakes".  Shelby knows exactly who pays to keep him in his ivory tower. 

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:31 | 2521584 Thomas
Thomas's picture

Johnson did indeed have brain surgery...

Maybe it was a transplant (donor most likely to be another member of Congress).

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:36 | 2521620 Money 4 Nothing
Money 4 Nothing's picture

I can tell... They all do to some extent or another.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:37 | 2521631 tocointhephrase
tocointhephrase's picture

Die already!

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:57 | 2521752 What does it al...
What does it all mean's picture

IF there is a clawback on Ina, CIO, London Whale... shouldn't it ALSO be applied to CFO, CEO, Jaime and the rest of the geniuses that runs JPM?  (And gotten paid off CIO's gains in the past?)

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:01 | 2521766 derek_vineyard
derek_vineyard's picture

is that jamie dimon or jerry sandusky?   no matter, same difference

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:10 | 2521820 Tim White
Tim White's picture

Preditors are predators, regardless of the prey...

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:29 | 2521892 Matt
Matt's picture

Senator Jon Tester looks like one to keep an eye on; he's finally asking questions about MF GLobal and why it took 7 months for JPM to refund some of that money.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:37 | 2521932 TrainWreck1
TrainWreck1's picture

"I did not...have sex...with that ATM..."

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:46 | 2521973 What does it al...
What does it all mean's picture

Jamie Dimon just admitted that it is more than $3-$4 Billion...  (11:44AM).  He said "This synthetic credit portfolio has 3 to 4 billion income before lost all of it.".

So, that is confirmed on record now...  Still could be higher. 

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:56 | 2522013 0z
0z's picture

Yes, at least he was invited. Who would want to live in a place where people are forced to answer other's questions!? I feel for him, spending hours with a bunch of world deserving lunatics. It disgusts me when they say things like " OUR financial institutions" or "OUR financial system". How arrogant! I own my life, my body and my property. None of it is "theirs."

That's all I have to say. GO Dimon GO! Destroy this corrupt system with your derivatives!! Cheers, cheers!!

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:59 | 2522032 What does it al...
What does it all mean's picture

Merkley for the win!  11:55AM.  (One should youtube that exchange...)

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:04 | 2522047 Oro
Oro's picture

Here we go the with quatum question!   Down?  

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:51 | 2522210 12ToothAssassin
12ToothAssassin's picture

How is it a hearing when everything is prepared ahead of time and it follows the script? WHy even have it, The Seantor's aides should just email Dimon's lawyers and enter the written conversation as congressional record then be done with it neatly swept under the rug..

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:50 | 2521719 GoNavy
GoNavy's picture

The surgery for this was six YEARS ago, an entire Senate term.


Don't these guys have a disability provision in their more than generous retirement packages???


Don't the people of South Dakota deserve a capable senator?

Don't the American people deserve somebody in the Senate overseeing banks who is actually up to the job?

I feel sorry for the guy's malady, but six YEARS???? C'mon....

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:05 | 2521794 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

they installed one?

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:11 | 2521822 tabasco71
tabasco71's picture

Maybe Johnson is supposed to be symbolic...

Maybe they are trying to demonstrate that these trades are so clearly and obviously toxic and impossible to control that even a ret*rd can see it... 


(again, no probs with the handicapped... just playing for the laughs... so please don't strike me down God!)

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:33 | 2521602 GMadScientist
GMadScientist's picture


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:04 | 2521782 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Check is in the mail

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:25 | 2521878 Gringo Viejo
Gringo Viejo's picture

Spot on Mupp. Life imitating art......the scene in GF2 when Senator Geary gives Michael Corleone his reach around.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:40 | 2521582 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

Silly, no one goes under oath anymore. Only plebeians do that. They don't even have to respond to congressional subpoenas - especially when the president has nominated you for a Supreme Court position. Why show respect for the process?

On a lighter note, saw this on a Jamie biography entry: 

 After graduation, Sandy Weill convinced him to turn down offers from Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, and Lehman Brothers to join him as an assistant at American Express.[10] Although Weill could not offer the same amount of money as the investment banks, Weill promised Dimon that he would have "fun".

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:55 | 2521743 GoldenGal
GoldenGal's picture

Replace the "I" in Dimon with an "e" and what do you get? 


Then nyou have partners (Al) Gore and Blood that want you to pay a carbon tax for breathing

Hmmmm, who is in charge of all this right now...?

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:10 | 2521429 Short Memories
Short Memories's picture

Listing to Tim Johnson... Is this a joke?

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:21 | 2521481 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture


Tim Johnson: "Mr Dimon. How is it economically possible that your firm incurred a loss when we give you the money for free?"

Jamie Dimon: "Well Senator, if we didn't take a hit once in awhile, the muppets may figure out that the game is rigged."

Tim Johnson: "Thank you Mister Dimon"

Jamie Dimon: "I'll see you at the Country Club at 2:00 Tim."

Tim Johnson: "We need a fourth, Jamie. Can you call Corzine?"


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:25 | 2521547 Hippocratic Oaf
Hippocratic Oaf's picture

Simple 2 step process here......


1. Apply vaseline

2. Circle jerk

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:00 | 2521745 tabasco71
tabasco71's picture

The only explanation I can think of (in using Johnson here) is that they are trying to make Dimon snigger... kinda like a staring match?

The negative press he would receive for reacting badly, is about the worst they could do to him today.


(I have no issue with the handicapped, a member of my own family had a negative result from a surgery, so its no laughing matter and from what I read, respect is due to the chap for getting back to where he has)

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:23 | 2521824 Jolly.Roger
Jolly.Roger's picture


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:21 | 2521486 MillionDollarBonus_
MillionDollarBonus_'s picture

Sorry to break it to libertarians, but this whole fiasco PROVES that deregulation simply does not work. Some decisions need to be delegated to government regulators, who have selflessly dedicated their lives to HELPING people, and NOT to selfishness. It is a statistical fact that government regulators are

1. Capable of making smarter and more objective decisions than business leaders, as their decisions are not distorted by the profit motive

2. Far more trustworthy than greedy profiteers and industrialists, since they have chosen to join the government rather than the dog-eat-dog free market

And don't give me this nonsense about letting consumers decide which businesses to support with their spending choices, that simlpy won't work. Consumers need to be forced to make the right choices, by specialists and professionals in the industry. That is the only way to guarentee that there is no corruption.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:28 | 2521556 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

MDB, Could you cite these statistical facts by article or white paper for me? I could use a good laugh.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:42 | 2521662 MillionDollarBonus_
MillionDollarBonus_'s picture

This is a well known fact. These facts are are so self-evident, that most liberals will assume them without stating them explicitly. I am going the extra mile to educate ignorant libertarians on the reasoning behind government regulations. Also, in the unlikely case that a regulation is unjust, the President can simly override it by executive order, so there is no justficiation for whining whatsoever.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:54 | 2521738 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

MDB, your premise is as relevent and inane as a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 14:03 | 2522515 Carl Spackler
Carl Spackler's picture
  • 63 full-time OCC bank examiners at JPMorgan FAILED to pick up the CIO risk management scent or examine the safety & soundness of the unit's operation over the course of years (plural!)...these dogs are not capable hunters !
  • The CDS position data of JPMorgan, et al., is regularly filed with the Federal Reserve, and as Tyler Durden has pointed out previously, the Federal Reserve FAILED to identify the behavioral anomalies (i.e., relatively massive sizes of positions) in the data submissions, yet after quick review and analysis Tyler picked it out immediately!

CONCLUSION:  Government regulators added zero "alpha" returns. Therefore, there is no reason to rely on them to conduct risk management of any sort or to make policy...let alone rely upon them.

And if you have the nerve to reply that JPM is an isolated incident, I offer Exhibit #2, MF GLOBAL.

Game, set, match MDB...YOU LOSE...again and again and again and again


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:40 | 2521648 Matt
Matt's picture

So, how did the interview at The Goldman Sachs go?

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:45 | 2521685 aheady
aheady's picture

Straining a bit there, aren't you?

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 15:55 | 2523147 Defiant1968
Defiant1968's picture

Finally someone on this board with some common sense - Go MDB!

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:15 | 2521468 resurger
resurger's picture

the 5th

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:19 | 2521492 YuropeanImbecille
YuropeanImbecille's picture

Is this normal that they read statements for 18 minutes? why not just publish this fucking nonsense online ?


My first hearing

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:22 | 2521524 i_call_you_my_base
i_call_you_my_base's picture

Normal. These things are about grandstanding, nothing more.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:29 | 2522133 ExpendableOne
ExpendableOne's picture

Dog + Pony == congresional or senate hearing....  Nothing useful ever comes out of them, though some have better than average entertainment value.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:10 | 2521430 infotechsailor
infotechsailor's picture

Did Tim Johnson have a stroke last night? He's literally talking out of the side of his mouth... that or he never learned to read.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:30 | 2521573 orangedrinkandchips
orangedrinkandchips's picture

Thank you! I am NOT crazy but he's either piss-ass drunk, retarded or had a stroke.


You cant understand the idiot. And he runs our country?



Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:43 | 2521668 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

Piss-Ass Drunk Retarded Stroke Victims = Politicians

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:15 | 2521720 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

quit insulting the disabled (they're much smarter)

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:30 | 2522136 ExpendableOne
ExpendableOne's picture

Piss-Ass Drunk retarded stroke victims would be preferable to most politicians.  (smarter too)

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 15:47 | 2523113 Bolweevil
Bolweevil's picture

lol, thank you.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:10 | 2521432 narapoiddyslexia
narapoiddyslexia's picture

That's a bad joke, of course. Johnson is mentally handicapped, as you can see from a casual inspection of his reading of his own statement. He's a moran! He can't even read, while Farage is an orator. Can you imagine what Farage would do to Dimon? What a pathetic farce!

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:12 | 2521451 YuropeanImbecille
YuropeanImbecille's picture

Oh come on guys, sure he is handicapped but have some compassion.


I confess I was a bit shocked myself, but I think he just read the opening statement and will now listen and monitor.



Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:15 | 2521473 Thomas
Thomas's picture

The stakes are too high to resist excoriating these folks. We are totally screwed. Royally screwed. Bring Maxine Waters out. She would bring up the average.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:45 | 2521690 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

Max Waters then maybe... Max Keiser

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:20 | 2521510 resurger
resurger's picture

JP Morgan Trader: "I will sell you a deal that i dont understand"


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:33 | 2521603 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



"He's a moran!"................

Somewhere in Ireland right now the Moran clan is feeling highly offended.


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:23 | 2521525 Ratscam
Ratscam's picture

Can you imagine what Gerald Celente would do to him? He still is hoping for the remaining 30% of his gold futures investment.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:26 | 2521555 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

Isn't it fatal to have a "Bear in Mind"? That would mean they penetrated your skull.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:59 | 2522031 hbjork1
hbjork1's picture

Dancing with the stars! Dimon will be able to outdance them all.  

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:03 | 2521381 fuu
fuu's picture

A roused rabble starting things off.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:29 | 2521569 fuu
fuu's picture

Ok that little exchange between Jamie and Tim was funny: 20 million...2 billion? 20 million with an M, oh million...

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:10 | 2521755 fuu
fuu's picture

"Our capital position allowed us to do good things for our clients in 2008 and 2009."

Riiiiiiiiiight, bailouts had nothing to do with that Jamie. Oh good Robert Menendez brought that up.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:52 | 2521995 fuu
fuu's picture

Nice questions Jeff Merkley.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 12:46 | 2522199 jumbo maverick
jumbo maverick's picture

Listen to the song by radiohead called fitter happier well its not actually a song its a computer talking.Then listen to tim. They sound exactly the same.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:05 | 2521390 WALLST8MY8BALL
WALLST8MY8BALL's picture


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:11 | 2521442 LeisureSmith
LeisureSmith's picture

Hey 8ball, what is youre avatar pic? I like it.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:24 | 2521538 WALLST8MY8BALL
WALLST8MY8BALL's picture

Its from the Super Furry Animals - Alblum "Radiator" - check it out - its hot stuff! Fav song on it is "Play it Cool"

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:41 | 2521656 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:55 | 2521742 WALLST8MY8BALL
WALLST8MY8BALL's picture

No whale shaped pops?

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:00 | 2521762 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

and the most popular finance and policy fragrance - sandusky

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 15:57 | 2523155 LouisDega
LouisDega's picture

I want to lick his toes

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:05 | 2521395 LoneStarHog
LoneStarHog's picture

"The Federal Polica will escort anyone outta da room who yells anything to do with TRUTH!" - Muppet Johnson

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:08 | 2521408 Napoleon
Napoleon's picture

Dimon won't know anything about anything today, especially when it comes to derivatives

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:09 | 2521426 Hmm...
Hmm...'s picture

which is why he deserves a raise and a bonus.  You know gotta retain the talent.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:08 | 2521409 Meatballs
Meatballs's picture


On another note, why do they let this Johnson idiot speak?

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:10 | 2521425 Thomas
Thomas's picture

It's Johnson lyrical voice, enunciation, and profound command of prose.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:14 | 2521463 Meatballs
Meatballs's picture

Yeah, and Shelby is another rocket scientist. And we wonder why the country's in the shitter. Holy Crap.


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:18 | 2521484 Thomas
Thomas's picture

Shelby is, technically speaking, a rocket surgeon.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:15 | 2521466 Hmm...
Hmm...'s picture

most of you probably already know this, but Johnson speaks that way because he is a stroke victim.  He had a massive stroke requiring brain surgery in 2006.  He then had a ton of physical and speech therapy, but obviously his speech is messed up

We're all going to get sick and die... maybe try to be nicer to those of us who are further along that path.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:35 | 2521598 ITrustMyGut
ITrustMyGut's picture

cruel? maybe.. but it fucking boggles my mind.... we have ancient elderly in senate and congressional job, and stroke victims, etc...


seriously... wtf????


we need qualified, fully functional adults.. the best of the best in leadership... and the touchy feely BS of having handicapped ( in all the plethora of ways most of our leadership is ) people in responsibile roles... well..


a tragic comedy... a mockery of duty.. and intention.... fucking circus freak show really...

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:40 | 2521661 orangedrinkandchips
orangedrinkandchips's picture

"FRIES ARE UP!"......




Fucking unbelievable. You cant wipe your own ass but youre running this "country"??


Frankly, it's easy to fix. Term limits on every position....and LET THIS POOR FUCK OUT......GET HIM OUT...FOR REAL.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:43 | 2521671 Matt
Matt's picture

Careful, a lack of empathy is one of the key ingredients to being a sociopath. You may look in the mirror and find you have more in common with the people you hate, then you might like.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:49 | 2521710 aheady
aheady's picture


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:16 | 2521857 Sean7k
Sean7k's picture

Why would anyone be kind to these treasonous bastards. Fuck Tim Johnson and the whore he rode in on. Shelby, Demon et al. These people are the ENEMY! 

Why does this have to be pointed out?

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:17 | 2521862 Oro
Oro's picture

JD is runing circles around this bozo!

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:32 | 2521596 orangedrinkandchips
orangedrinkandchips's picture



believable....I belive it....

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:45 | 2521692 Matt
Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:08 | 2521410 Pig Brotha
Pig Brotha's picture

Johnson - Retarded or stroke victim?

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:10 | 2521431 Thomas
Thomas's picture

Retarded stroke victim.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:10 | 2521439 infotechsailor
infotechsailor's picture


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:34 | 2521606 orangedrinkandchips
orangedrinkandchips's picture

the former!

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:16 | 2521852 Money 4 Nothing
Money 4 Nothing's picture


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:10 | 2521411 Matt
Matt's picture

Mr Johnson needs more practise reading his questions off a piece of paper; it seems like he didn't even bother to practise his script once, and he sounds like an elementary school kid.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:12 | 2521444 infotechsailor
infotechsailor's picture

I guess that's what happens when you let the banksters right the questions for their 3rd grade level educated senators

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:14 | 2521462 Uchtdorf
Uchtdorf's picture

Tell me you did that on purpose.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:08 | 2521807 iDealMeat
iDealMeat's picture

+1...   EPIC FAIL

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:09 | 2521414 CommunityStandard
CommunityStandard's picture

Ugh, I just can't watch.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:13 | 2521455 Thomas
Thomas's picture

I sleep like a baby at night knowing these guys are charged with overseeing the banking system. BTW-Are they all retarded stroke victims? Maybe they had the strokes and we are the victims.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:40 | 2521651 ITrustMyGut
ITrustMyGut's picture


thanks for the RL LOL in my cube  =^.^=

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:17 | 2521809 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

this is the closest allegory I could think of

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:54 | 2522004 mayavision2012
mayavision2012's picture

I got so angry hearing this, I had to go to my veggie garden and grab some earth for grounding.  This is total puke.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:09 | 2521418 Benjamin Glutton
Benjamin Glutton's picture

Is Mr. Dimon registered with the CFTC?


Loophole at MF Global Is Headache for Regulators



Most of the senior executives at MF Global Holdings Ltd. weren't registered with commodities regulators, meaning the executives can't be charged with supervision failures related to the firm's collapse.

The situation is a headache for regulators as they press ahead with their 7½-month investigation of MF Global.

"Failure to supervise" sanctions generally are much easier to prove than allegations of deliberate wrongdoing, according to legal experts uninvolved in the case. In addition, the probe hasn't yet produced smoking guns that show anyone at MF Global knowingly raided the customer funds that went missing in the firm's final days.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:32 | 2521593 Matt
Matt's picture

So, registering with the regulator is optional? Not being registered makes you immune to regulation? What?!

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:42 | 2521665 ITrustMyGut
ITrustMyGut's picture

Sweet loophole! have they taken that off any sweet jumps yet?


Pedro for President!

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:52 | 2521731 Benjamin Glutton
Benjamin Glutton's picture

sounds somewhat like licensed engineers/electricians being responsible for on site work in ways that other unqualified unlicensed executives would not be expected to fully comprehend.



Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:09 | 2521420 Ratscam
Ratscam's picture

Sen. Tim Johnson reads worse than my 8 year old. What a disgrace!

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:12 | 2521446 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



Give him a break...if you were reading Dimon's handwriting, you'd stumble, too.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:16 | 2521467 Ratscam
Ratscam's picture

The speech of Sen. Richard Shelby sounds like a presentation of a second year high school student. What a pathetic circus. All of us would do a better job for less money!

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:20 | 2521509 Matt
Matt's picture

Oh I see, it is a setup so when Jamie Dimon speaks, everyone is enamoured with how well he reads his prepared statement.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:21 | 2521516 Thomas
Thomas's picture

Can't be that because it was certainly Dimon's lawyers who wrote out the scripts for each of these guys and lawyers would type out the speeches.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:23 | 2521534 Matt
Matt's picture


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:30 | 2521578 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



Intrinsic satire.  Well played.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:12 | 2521454 Matt
Matt's picture

Oh thank goodness Mr Shelby is reading his script, which he seems to have taken the time to practice, so he doesn't have awkward pauses, and has nice clear pronunciation.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:18 | 2521490 Money 4 Nothing
Money 4 Nothing's picture

In Jamie Dimons handwriting. What a farce.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:17 | 2521480 Benjamin Glutton
Benjamin Glutton's picture

Mr. Johnson's speech impediment is the result of a stroke which he suffered after being elected to the Senate.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:22 | 2521523 Matt
Matt's picture

You are correct; my apologies to Mr Johnson.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:10 | 2521427 jonan
jonan's picture

fak you dimon!

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:10 | 2521436 who-is-john-galt
who-is-john-galt's picture junior!

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:14 | 2521441 Money 4 Nothing
Money 4 Nothing's picture

Tim Johnson is a stammerin fuck!

Bbb.b.b.b.but if u were doing Y.y.y.our job M.m.m.mMr. Dimon wwwe wouldn't here tuday.

I appologise Mu.. Muster Dimon. I ccccan't read yu, your hand right right writing...



Jack ass.


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:35 | 2521616 orangedrinkandchips
orangedrinkandchips's picture

So, let's keep him in office and on life support FOREVER!! YEAH!!!





Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:11 | 2521445 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

Behind the scenes prior to the hearing:


Senate committee - "Ok Jamie, just play along.  We'll pretent to be outraged, you'll put on your best puppy eyes, and we'll all be outta here by noon so we can have lunch together uptown to discuss reelection funding."

Jamie - "yup...just as I planned."

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:12 | 2521447 ghengis86
ghengis86's picture

Shot for every mention of:

Public Interest
Lack of oversight/control/safeguards

Finish the bottle:
Looking out for main street (Demon or his Muppets)
"This won't happen again" (until it does)

Feel free to add you own. Getting drunk is the only way this shit makes sense any longer

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:20 | 2521458 Mercury
Mercury's picture

This isn't a hearing. 

JPM is interviewing for a new government position and we won't know what it is until it's too late.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:25 | 2521546 Negro Primero
Negro Primero's picture
"Dimon, JPMorgan Chase Have History with Senate's Banking Panel"

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:15 | 2521470 IO_Psychic_TV
IO_Psychic_TV's picture

And IO Psychic TV is in the house, illuminating those cameras, forcing the liars to blink, and the ciminally-minded politicians to vebally stumble.


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:16 | 2521472 RobotTrader
RobotTrader's picture

Dimon will smoothly and adeptly brush aside all the controversy.


By tomorrow, it will be "business as usual" at JPM, and the Congressmen will be scratching their heads, thinking about expanding Dodd-Frank by another 1,000 pages.

JPM will simply hire more bureaucrats to handle the additional regulatory burden, and a new "Whale" will emerge to be another superstar at the trading desk.

Same old, same old.

Nothing ever changes.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:18 | 2521493 Matt
Matt's picture

The more pages of regulation, the higher the barrier to entry for a competitor. It's a brilliant plan, really. Evil, but brilliant.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:26 | 2521519 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture

Dimon will smoothly and adeptly brush aside all the controversy.


There is no controversy.  Dimon is an incontrovertible lying cheat.  Today he is affirming that, just with a little extra TV make up.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:23 | 2521529 fuu
fuu's picture

Well at least he doesn't sound like he's leaning over to snort lines off his lead counsel's ballsack like he did on the call.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:13 | 2521837 Tim White
Tim White's picture

That's just horrible!  ROTFLMFAO!!!!

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:33 | 2521904 fuu
fuu's picture

His snorting is a tell. He ends a sentence with a snort when he lies.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:17 | 2521479 theTribster
theTribster's picture

Criminals everyone of them, Shelby is one of the most corrupt, lying, cheating, stealing MFers on the planet. He should be elliminated along with the rest of the committeee, permanently ellimated. Why their at it go and get the other scum as well like Barney Frank and Chris Dodd, even worse then Shelby. That's why they both retired...

I HATE these people with a passion!

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:19 | 2521495 theTribster
theTribster's picture

Is Johnson retarted? Or just can't read yet? Clearly he graduated from an American high school. Fucking retarded criminal MFer!!!!

Did I mention, I HATE these people, with a passion!

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:26 | 2521553 Matt
Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:31 | 2521586 Boxed Merlot
Boxed Merlot's picture

Kinda like Woodrow at Versailles.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:20 | 2521496 Tramp Stamper
Tramp Stamper's picture

This really sucks...... I had a losing trade last week.... wonder when my congressional hearing will be


Total Bullshit !!!!

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:19 | 2521499 LeisureSmith
LeisureSmith's picture

Wow, the guy can read poorly from a paper...Creative. scripted everything.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:19 | 2521503 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Wow is Tim Johnson retarded ??????.......Seriously !

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:19 | 2521505 walcott
walcott's picture

What an absolute crock of shit. Unbelievable. 100% paid off congress senate everything.



Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:20 | 2521507 Meatballs
Meatballs's picture

Did he just say "Broad awry"??? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:20 | 2521512 booboo
booboo's picture

DAMN! These clowns can barely read their opening remarks. Tim Johnson sounds like Billy Bob Thorton in Sling Blade.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:31 | 2521588 Hippocratic Oaf
Hippocratic Oaf's picture

I like fried chicken............Um Hmmmm!

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:20 | 2521515 Uchtdorf
Uchtdorf's picture

Democratic Sen. Tim Johnson was "appropriately responsive to both word and touch" half a day after successful emergency brain surgery, but still leaving active the political drama over whether his illness could cost Democrats newly won control of the Senate.

Admiral John Eisold, Attending Physician of the United States Capitol released a statement Thursday afternoon saying Thompson "continued to have an uncomplicated post-operative course. Specifically, he has been appropriately responsive to both word and touch. No further surgical intervention has been required."

The South Dakota senator, 59, suffered from bleeding in the brain caused by a congenital malformation, the U.S. Capitol physician said.

The condition, usually present at birth, causes tangled blood vessels that can burst unexpectedly later in life.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:20 | 2521517 marcusfenix
marcusfenix's picture

this senator can't even read...

are you fucking serious?

every time I think they can't do anything more to make congress look more like a joke, they prove me wrong.

and Dimon just sits there looking as smug, self important and bored as he ever has, cause he already knows this dog and pony show is all bullshit anyways, it's just an inconvenience for him to show up.

but seriously it it to much to ask of congress that they at least put somebody up there who can read and articulate whist we watch this latest episode of lemming theater?

apparently so.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 11:10 | 2521817 CCanuck
CCanuck's picture

I was unaware that he had a stroke, thought he was having it while reading. I kinda felt bad after reading more, however, It's a fucking circus, and cruel to put him up there. This is the shit that breeds apothy to politics, who the fuck could believe that this will have any affect on the current banking system, maybe the poor schmuck drooling and babbling does.


Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:21 | 2521518 walcott
walcott's picture

I'm Jamie Dimon I'm keeping the global ponzi scam going so shut the fuck up!

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:21 | 2521521 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

I didn't know they could pile shit that high.  All senators in attendance must be qualified, either bribed or retarded, or both, that's all of the senate.  Who's the senatard that went to his priviledged daughter's graduation? Get your worthless ass in here and ask stupid questions, that's your job. jamie will be pissed when he finds out he wasted bribe money on you.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:23 | 2521533 RobotTrader
RobotTrader's picture

Meanwhile, JPM shares continue to grind their way out of the hole.

Wed, 06/13/2012 - 10:24 | 2521541 hangemhigh77
hangemhigh77's picture

Buy silver and short JPM to fuckin ZERO!!!

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!