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Map Of The Dead: How To Survive The Zombie Apocalypse

Tyler Durden's picture




 

On a long enough timeline... the zombies will arise, and exhibit a sudden craving for brain stew. So what is a person who will have survived the great central bank collapse to do? Full interactive map for any specific location in the US can be found at http://www.mapofthedead.com

US Danger Zones...

And for our friends at the New York Fed...

 

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Wed, 04/11/2012 - 09:51 | 2334247 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Hmmmm the shit is getting serious when Tyler is giving us danger zones.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 09:52 | 2334252 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

The places to be will not be found on either of the above maps!

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:06 | 2334268 SilverTree
SilverTree's picture

Double-tap bitches!

 

 

 

All togeather now...

~From sea to shining sea~

 

.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:15 | 2334341 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

So the mid-west is loaded with NuKular plants and flood zones and fault-lines.... and the cities are set to be gangland....

I think the Southwest/SoCal is the best, because Mexico is near by and it's not Texas. Lots' of remoteness still to be had in the US of A. 

Mountain Caves, Anasazi style, FTW.

ori

/unedited-stream-of-consciousness/

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:00 | 2334484 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

you better be Shoshone or Tatana Odum Indian then, if you expect to live there grid down without electricity to pump the water. 

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:08 | 2334516 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

When I went there, I was still the same Oh regional Indian, and I was welcomed with open arms. Perhaps the brown skin or my natural sense with horses helped.

It's about who you ARE, not who you think you are that really counts. 

ori

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:17 | 2334544 economics9698
economics9698's picture

First avoid high black concentrations.  12.4 times more likely to be murdered.

Second, avoid high Hispanic concentrations, 8.4 times more likely to be murdered.

Third, you are not allowed to die.

Fourth, when the SHTF fuck political correctness. 

 

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:43 | 2334625 wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture

ALWAYS fuck political correctness!

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:54 | 2334663 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

I second the motion...

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 17:12 | 2335964 economics9698
economics9698's picture

If anyone is interested here is a private study of crime.   If you hang around 85 and 93 IQ people you will end up dead.

 http://www.colorofcrime.com/colorofcrime2005.pdf

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 14:55 | 2335435 wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture

Junked by a stealth MSM member of ZH no doubt.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:04 | 2334692 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

I thought political correctness and SHTF were a cause and effect

Oh, yeah - nice piece by Chris Floyd

http://www.chris-floyd.com/component/content/article/1-latest-news/2232-perverts-in-power-the-torturephiles-who-rule-us.html

 

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 14:22 | 2335234 Cathartes Aura
Cathartes Aura's picture

very powerful writing DaveyJones, ripping the myths apart and exposing them to the light of truth, hoping for awareness,

This is the reality of our age. What Americans and Britons once refused to do to Adolf Hitler's minions -- torture, abuse, and deprive them of legal rights -- they now do routinely, continually and without shame to people whom they know to be either completely innocent or -- even in the torturers' own estimation -- to be peripheral, unimportant and unthreatening. They are torturing people because they want to do it, because they like to do it.

I recommend everyone here read this link, because until we let the reality of what is actually happening in the world, "in your name," fully sink in, you'll not be free of the stink - this is one of the most important steps we can take, to be free of the fiction that holds a mind captive with flag-waving patriotism, and all that it destroys in the world.  the denial of how things really are at this point of time is so destructive. . .

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 18:27 | 2336166 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

there is only one universal truth - all humans are the same, we are capable of unspeakable evil in anything and anyone's name and we are capable of infinite good. The greatest tragedy is remaining an observer 

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:16 | 2334753 TWSceptic
TWSceptic's picture

Omg you're so racist! Didn't you hear about Trayvon Martin and how blacks are still supressed and killed for no reason every day in the US and how racist the country is?! It's all the white man's fault you know.

 

</sarcasm>

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 13:52 | 2335097 Lednbrass
Lednbrass's picture

40 lashes for doubting the canonization of St. Skittles.

You are a bad bad man.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 13:03 | 2334915 prains
prains's picture

econ 

just become a zombie to survive the zombie apocolypse

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 14:07 | 2335127 Ag Star
Ag Star's picture

To: economics 9698 (above)

All I can say is WTF:

1) White people have about 99.99% of all the fire arms in the US.

2) White people are never in areas with high concentration of "Blacks" unless they are quickly passing through.

3) If Blacks had some long held vendetta against Whites, I think we would have seen actual evidence of this.  Remember, it was a Black man that rescuced that White trucker who was being beaten (after Rodney King verdict) when  L.A.P.D. abandonded their post.

4)There is actual evidence that people who do not normally associate--pull together during a crisis.   

5)  White people have caused more death and destruction to this planet and to people who were just trying to live in their own country.  No White country has ever been invaded by a Black military or assassinated a White president, or caused a coup de ta in a White country.

6) White people let their children be raped by "preists" and continue to support the catholic church. Truely amazing!!!

7) Oh yeah, and it was also White people who held Blacks in bondage for over 500 years.

Do you think maybe those slaveowners ever had sex with the little Black girls and boys?  Who was going to protect them? nobody did--think about that the next time you post some racist shit.

8) Good news--there will be one less "Black" for you to worry about, as I this one is getting out of this shit-hole of a country while the getting is still good.  Keep your NDAA,  SOPA, Patriot Act, FEMA camps, 100% corrupt puppets.

9) The bad news--while you were worrying about "Black" folks causing some type of harm to your superior existance,  your White brothers stole your future as well as that of your children and grandchildren.

10) The really bad news--Americans are too pussified to overthrow their fascist politicians who are as you read this sending your White kids to Africa to secure more resources so your over-educated, unemployed ass can continue to buy cheap gas.  Dust of your selective service card--cause you're about to get a free trip to the dark continent.  Watch out for those "high concentrations of Black people", I understand that Africa is overrun with them.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 14:14 | 2335199 Random_Robert
Random_Robert's picture

That was a good retort... And I agree- Americans are, as a whole, completely pussified.

 

 

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 14:32 | 2335283 Cathartes Aura
Cathartes Aura's picture

aw no dude, they're cockified, completely and utterly enthralled by their cocks.

pussy is what you punish with your cock, yes?

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 17:09 | 2335945 economics9698
economics9698's picture

Propaganda.  If you want to hang around a group of people with a average IQ of 84 please do so.

 http://www.colorofcrime.com/colorofcrime2005.pdf

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 20:45 | 2336463 Cathartes Aura
Cathartes Aura's picture

cheers for making my point more emphatically.

comprehension may not be your strong suit, but you certainly have the desire to punish down pat.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 15:18 | 2335526 Crooks
Crooks's picture

Total BS propaganda!! Go read some real history, it was Jews that brought slavery to Amerika because the Talmud makes goyim slavery a normal thing and then it was the Whites who liberated the Blacks!!!

 White people didnt cause more death and destruction on the planet than any other race, it is in fact Jews that organized almost every genocide and remember they control your congress so why do you think the USA bombed Hiroshima and created false flags like 911? To obey zionists of course!

Jews organized the russian bolchevik genocides and Armenian genocides.

Blacks are still cannibals and genocidal of their slim white population in Africa not to account for their own people genocides while Whites are not guilty of any of these!!!

Go read the Almanacs and find out that the Jewish population census never shrinked during Hitler's rule and they now talk about 74 000 jews that died probably all of Lyce because Allied bombing helped the virus spread and medical supplies was impossible to get!

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 21:07 | 2336566 Lednbrass
Lednbrass's picture

So much whining silliness here it would take more time then its worth to shoot it down point by point, but exactly what do you think the Moors were doing in Spain- buying cheap vacation real estate in the aftermath of an economic meltdown?

If you want to reduce it to a victimization contest and it seems you do, can we then say that everything that happened to blacks since then was payback for their invasion of Europe and slaughter of its indigenous inhabitants? That the heavy Spanish and Portugese involvement in the slave trade was just a payback for the costs of the Reconquista? Can we say that their rape of little children just as you imply was the case here was the reason that their blood became intermixed with the Spanish?

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 18:14 | 2336142 reTARD
reTARD's picture

And inversely, follow where the Jews are concentrated?

And avoid the FEMA (concentration) camps.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:21 | 2334552 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

I was referring to geographically based skill sets.   Once the electricity stops moving the water, the land will revert.  Those people had the skillsets and knowledge to live there.  Like Inuits got pretty damn good at living way up north.

So in a way, we agree.

The happy thoughts theory might work  in most places, for now, when no one is hungry.  You could litmus it in Gary Indiana or certain neighborhoods in Kansas City or Peoria, Illinois to get a truer baseline.

If it's all you bring, your charming personality and dashing smile are going to leave your ass flapping in the wind.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:36 | 2334604 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

Well, first off, horses should give you a hint. Anyone that has ridden has swept stables, mended fences. So, no, I was not talking charm, I was talking of being Real, which most people are not.

Second, I've been up and down the US, a lot of it by road. Driven through Alabama, South Carolina, Indianapolis (actually right through the heart of the heart, Monsanto Corn Country)..... awesome everywhere. Ohio, Kentucky (helps that I play guitar).... just being real.

Also, house painted for a few months after my high six figure got dot-commed. My crew chief was a one eyed, pot smoking ex-marince Datsun 280Z racer and his 2 IC was a chubby hispanic guy. We all got along great. 

Only place I felt odd and that was a rude NY socialite telling me that I dodn't like NY because I was not rich enough. She had a point, but she was really rude. And one time in Schenecdaty when a bunch of Trailer park guys chased me (car chase style, I was 2 months in the country, so just floored it and ran. I'd watched too much American TV in India).

There you go, fwiww.

ori

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:28 | 2334580 Greyhat
Greyhat's picture

"So the mid-west is loaded with NuKular plants and flood zones and fault-lines..."

 

Get a doomsday shelter there in an old missle bunker! :-)

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2127759/Apocalypse-Doomsd...

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:46 | 2334632 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

My Home is a Silo.

it does not rhyme with Kilo.

Such is the language.

The reason for our collective

De-Mentia.

ori

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:04 | 2334700 DCFusor
DCFusor's picture

SW Virginia mountains are clear and where I already live.  I bugged out early.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:13 | 2334733 12ToothAssassin
12ToothAssassin's picture

Whats your address?

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 16:46 | 2335893 smiler03
smiler03's picture

He's the one in SW Virginia who bought the Volt. There was only one sold.

Apologies DCF.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:28 | 2334792 sof_hannibal
sof_hannibal's picture

"The preacher man says it's the end of time And the Mississippi River she's a goin' dry

The interest is up and the stock market's down And you only get mugged if you go downtown

I live back in the woods you see..." haha

...at least the country folk will survive, which is not me...and it's probably why we keep the south including texas in the union. Should zombies or china "invade" they wouldn't take anything south of the mason dixon... and then we can rebuild with Ron Paul's genetic clone as leader... ha

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 13:21 | 2334982 Imminent Collapse
Imminent Collapse's picture

A Country Boy Will Survive.  Thanks Hank, Jr. - Williams boys raised on shotguns.  Heard this on Outlaw Country this morning coming to work.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 21:15 | 2336583 Lednbrass
Lednbrass's picture

Its a good song, but I like Hank III more then Jr.

Another great one that spells out that same style and view of life from Charlie Daniels way back in the 70's-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bs4y5si8DGs

I aint askin nobody for nothin, if I cant get it on my own...

 

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:19 | 2334343 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

Are you really ready for the Zombie Apocolypse?

The Bug Out Drill covers 15 miles and 30 challenges across rough, wooded terrain. Arrive with a long gun, pistol, pack, and gear to survive a real-life bug out event. Water will be available at multiple points, but no other equipment guidelines will be provided. Participants compete on an individual basis and the event must be covered on foot, carrying all gear, with no bikes, 4-wheelers, donkeys, or hot air balloons allowed.

In last year's event, participants had to climb walls, cut wood, take apart bolts, bandage Tactical Ted, shoot, and purify water just to name a few of the challenges. If you want a true test of you and your equipment with a chance to win great prizes, come and join the competition.

A great meal will be provided after the event.

Participants who pre-register two weeks prior to the event will receive a Bug Out Drill t-shirt.

http://www.tigervalley.com/tvciv_bugoutdrill.php

 

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:19 | 2334357 SilverTree
SilverTree's picture

Just get a house boat or squat on a yacht.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:31 | 2334374 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

I do not believe there are were enough yachts lifeboats on Manhattan the Titanic for everyone.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:57 | 2334478 a growing concern
a growing concern's picture

There are if you get to the docks first.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:06 | 2334500 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

This is probably why Orlov lives on a boat.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:53 | 2334658 aphlaque_duck
aphlaque_duck's picture

The trouble with boats is that they seem to be a terrible place to keep your silver.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:03 | 2334694 Catch-22
Catch-22's picture

...it's the second mouse that gets the cheese... Timing is everything.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:34 | 2334402 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture
10 Tips for Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse

http://io9.com/5148637/10-tips-for-surviving-the-zombie-apocalypse

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:46 | 2334443 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

You'd still have to worry about Max Cady...

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:27 | 2334572 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

TY for that link HH.  I just pinged the group with it and we're already thinking of setting up something similar,  probably start with the spouses and kids first even.  Should be fun!

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:37 | 2334825 DosZap
DosZap's picture

Are you really ready for the Zombie Apocolypse?

Another Texican.....................

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 14:01 | 2335134 Stares straight...
Stares straight ahead's picture

http://zombiehunters.org

(for zombiesquad) for more fun like this

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:17 | 2334344 tiwimon
tiwimon's picture

Sory bitchezz, Rule #1 is Cardio

 

The Double Tap is #2

 

http://www.zombielandrules.com/all-zombieland-rules/

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:17 | 2334347 SilverTree
SilverTree's picture

Limber-up

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:31 | 2334806 Confused
Confused's picture

I've never seen a lion limber up before taking down a gazelle.....

 

;-)

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 15:51 | 2335672 ArrestBobRubin
ArrestBobRubin's picture

And ya better Kimber-up too while you're at it :-)

http://www.kimberamerica.com/solo

A Solo or 2 can make up for some piss-poor cardio...

 

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:38 | 2334413 EBR MOD 0
EBR MOD 0's picture

death from a far...one shot one kill time coming.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:56 | 2334473 Bawneee Fwank
Bawneee Fwank's picture

If and when the shit hits the fan here in the USSA it is my belief the entire country will become Stalingrad...In fact I think this place will make Stalingrad look like MF'in Disneyland in comparison.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:40 | 2334835 sof_hannibal
sof_hannibal's picture

I disagree, Russians aren't Americans, many Americans are Armed and just dumb enough to start shootibg... we like to be rebel/revolt [historically], eventually... especially when the wellfare checks and food stamps and gov. Payroll transfers stop (cough, when the austerity measures start)...

However, wouldnt be surprised if the USA becomes some creepy religious fundamentalist state that outlaws science.. i sure hope not though

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 13:27 | 2335003 aerojet
aerojet's picture

I think you guys are all over-thinking this scenario.  The checks will never stop.  The amounts may buy less, but the checks will never actually cease.  Thus, there doesn't seem to be a triggering event for widespread chaos.  I predict a more gradual collapse, as is already underway. 

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 18:00 | 2336110 Hagbard Celine
Hagbard Celine's picture

just long enough for everybody to run through their little box or two of ammo collecting dust in the closet along with the gun that hasn't been fired since two weeks after it was bought... probably long enough to make it smell bad for a while, though.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 13:01 | 2334910 sof_hannibal
sof_hannibal's picture

Don't try to run. You'll only die tired!

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:37 | 2334609 non_anon
non_anon's picture

~From backwater to glowing sea~

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:34 | 2334817 sof_hannibal
sof_hannibal's picture

Eventually you run out of ammo. But don't be stingy with the steal rain...

"So my friends, this is now the United States of Zombieland. It's amazing how quickly things can go from bad to total shitstorm..." have [the nxt 5 to 201 yrs of the world]...

I say get off of the grid, unless you're preparred to fight and learn to hunt with a bow!

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:45 | 2334854 DosZap
DosZap's picture

Eventually you run out of ammo. But don't be stingy with the steal rain

Maybe YOU will...........................

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:52 | 2334880 sof_hannibal
sof_hannibal's picture

"My moma always told me, someday I'd be good at something. Who'd have guessed that something would be zombie killing?"

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:21 | 2334362 Lord Blankcheck
Lord Blankcheck's picture

Mexico looks clear

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:35 | 2334410 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

YES!!! MEXICO IS SAFE!!!! Just a few drug lords and organ harvesters over there....

 

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:45 | 2334849 sof_hannibal
sof_hannibal's picture

revolution and Agua Caliente blvd., Tijuana at the Lord of Darkness Club; totally mucho safe...

relax gringo

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:01 | 2334486 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

by all means, pack your shit and move asap!

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 14:26 | 2335257 PayneNita
PayneNita's picture

my classmate's sister makes $62 hourly on the laptop. She has been unemployed for 5 months but last month her pay check was $13843 just working on the laptop for a few hours. Read more on this web site ....  http://bit.ly/FPPP3j

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 09:52 | 2334256 idea_hamster
idea_hamster's picture

ZIRPocalypse, baby!

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 09:54 | 2334262 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

There are gun stores in Manhattan??!?

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 09:58 | 2334282 Bobbyrib
Bobbyrib's picture

Ain't that a tease?

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:18 | 2334349 aerojet
aerojet's picture

There is one in NYC for cops only.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:34 | 2334403 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

You know what's hilarious? There's an indoor shooting range in Manhattan where you can shoot .22 rifles. Only you can't shoot YOUR .22 rifle, you have to use theirs, and they are chained TO THE WALL.

New York City-- what a fucking joke that liberal hellhole is.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:42 | 2334433 ArrestBobRubin
ArrestBobRubin's picture

What do you expect, it's Hymietown. Run by mega-whiner and gun grabber Mayor Bloomberg for chrissakes...

Hymietown: that just happens to be the last true thing "Reverend" Jesse Jackson ever said

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:02 | 2334490 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

Don't worry, it's not sustainable.  It's own mass and hubris will be it's undoing.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:54 | 2334665 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

That city has truly bad energy. The underworld, literal and figurative, is crazy.

The link-seperated alcove where Mazzini and his family come for coffee and dessert. Italiano, all shiney in silk suit and bling.....

Totally surreal.

The bust will be terrific, awesome and terrible, all together.

I always got ticketed or towed.

Brooklyn Navy Yard.....

Memories...

ori

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 09:58 | 2334280 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

You know whay you never see? FAT zombies.

No why ?

Cause fat people can afford to stay in the house but those skinny low body fat assholes need to find food immediately cause they have no reserves to live off.

After the initial wave, in which all the low body fat fucks die and become zombies, the much thinner fat and obese people venture forward to claim the world.

They have sat staring out their windows and worked out a survival strategy based on all the low body fat assholes they watched die or get eaten.

 

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:09 | 2334320 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

you keep right on rationalizing that to assuage your petty little ego, bubble ass.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:14 | 2334333 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

LFMayor

Put that on a shirt so I can recognize you from the others of your ilk.

I may just chain your Zombie ass in the backyard for laughs and blowgun practice.


Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:03 | 2334496 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

I believe the "blow" part, if that's any condolence.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:14 | 2334337 Toolshed
Toolshed's picture

"you keep right on rationalizing that to assuage your petty little ego, LARD ass."

 

There.....fixed it for you. Actually, chicks really dig a "bubble butt".

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:27 | 2334383 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

Toolshed

Another target for the blowgun.


Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:19 | 2334353 aerojet
aerojet's picture

Seriously, the fatties will die off first because they are big, soft, and weak.  Oh, not to mention, slow.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:30 | 2334390 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

aerojet

Low body fat means you have no reserves to draw on and start burning muscle.

How long can you burn muscle before you are too weak to move?

That's one of the reasons obese survive long hopspital stays better, they can draw on fat reserves for energy.

Just like nature designed.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:38 | 2334610 ljag
ljag's picture

Actually, your body consumes muscle first.......then fat... when you exercise. Sooner or later the obese must get off their fat asses and move. Unfortunately, when they do decide to get off the couch, they will find their muscle mass will not support their weight......causing the heart to pump faster......which usually ends...........in death or in this case...zombieland.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:55 | 2334636 Coldsun
Coldsun's picture

Yes, keep thinking about your l33t fat ninja survival skills while shooting up your insulin.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:00 | 2334682 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

Gully Foil Troll Alert.

Or did Gully Sell his handle? Is there an underground market for ZH Handles? 

The Troll Exchange? Secret handshake? Third Knuckle, Ron Paul Style (oh nose, he is just grampy playing freemason, nothing to it)?

What is the bid? I can make some noize!

ori

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:05 | 2334706 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

How long can you burn muscle before you are too weak to move?

Long enough to get a case of the belly-lulz watching you die sudden death from cardiac arrest...

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:30 | 2334795 memyselfiu
memyselfiu's picture

If you're not seriously looking at yourself and your health and wondering what you'll do when there are no drugs or doctors to stave off your obesity fuelled death, then you are truly in denial.

There are advantages to carrying some body fat but it's certainly not much (quantity wise). You will also lose muscle mass before you lose fat, unless of course you are on a long run in which case fat reserves will begin to burn.

If you can't run at least 5 miles you're in feckin' trouble....

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:47 | 2334861 DosZap
DosZap's picture

If you can't run at least 5 miles you're in feckin' trouble.

If you HAVE to run 5 miles, your in trouble.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:43 | 2334430 10mm
10mm's picture

More of a target,not nimble,out of gas fast.Don't let one sit on you or squeze you too death.Or they can be used as barriers.Just kiddin,it would be very unfortunate for such a scene,but those on serious meds are gonna be a dandy.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:05 | 2334505 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

they're also good for candles, oil lamps, and if you have hardwood ash, soap.  Run them about 5 minutes and it's just like clubbing baby seals, they wallow around on the ground and bellow when they're out of wind.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:19 | 2334551 James
James's picture

Being a tall and thin guy I was planning to do what that liposuction dr. in london does.

Pump fat during the day and bring it home to make bio-fuel at nite.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:45 | 2334626 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Don't worry, they got him out of his house OK: 

http://www.firerescue1.com/fire-ems/articles/1269626-600-pound-hoarder-rescued-from-Pa-home/

Just wondering how GF thinks fat people can get away when they can't fit through the doors of their houses...

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:11 | 2334718 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

flag as awesome (1)

...they called in a hazmat team about 2:30 p.m. from the Westmoreland County Department of Public Safety to check an odor in the home.

Direct deposit of .gov benefits and home shopping For The Mother Fucking Win!!!

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:16 | 2334345 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

+1 divergent thinking

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:18 | 2334354 Ricardo Pobre
Ricardo Pobre's picture

http://www.zombielandrules.com/zombieland-rule-1-cardio/

You are actually in direct conflict of rule #1 of surviving in Zombieland.  Good luck, fatty...

 

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:33 | 2334398 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

Ricardo Pobre

Rule one is stupid.

You can fast walk and out pace zombies. They are fucking slow.

You run you run blindly, get caught in dead ends where they box you in. Or you get winded and surrounded.

Numbers beat you then.

Looks good in the movies, and elicits a chuckle, but in the end a nonstarter.

Move steady and keep your head. That's how to live.


Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:07 | 2334511 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

Why don't you roll down to East St. Louis or a similar venue and do a taxonomy check on the local "zombies".   They move pretty fucking fast.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:49 | 2334640 Axenolith
Axenolith's picture

You can fast walk and out pace zombies. They are fucking slow.

 

Not if they're rage virus 28 Days Later zombies, those bitches are fast, you need a couple M240 SLR's (See May 2011 Rifleman for info, $13,500) to thin those suckers out at a distance, and then probably have to be in MOP gear when what's left gets in shotgun range...

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 14:30 | 2335286 Calmyourself
Calmyourself's picture

That is what I HATE about zombie movies shotguns from three feet, the good guys never get blood in the eye or brain in the mouth, right..  Alot of that shit does not go out the exit but comes out the entrance wound pressurized and moving fast..

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:35 | 2334600 Imminent Crucible
Imminent Crucible's picture

Actually, MOST of the zombies I see, whether standing around downtown or serving as TSA agents at the airport, are FAT. This isn't a Cesar Romero film we're talking about. This is the real thing.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 13:33 | 2335026 Hobbleknee
Hobbleknee's picture

Fat people can't say no to food.  Even if they have extra calories in storage, they will be the first to seek food and eat their own children.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 13:25 | 2334994 Agent P
Agent P's picture

I notice Chicago is not highlighted as a future danger zone...I'm guessing because it already is one.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 09:50 | 2334248 bank guy in Brussels
bank guy in Brussels's picture

WTF?

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 09:57 | 2334261 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

All the hospitals are bright red, or maybe those are BAC branches?

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:56 | 2334891 rufusbird
rufusbird's picture

The map is only a novelty like something from a video game. I looked at my city and surrounding area and laughed outloud. It is so imcomplete it is useless. It reminded me of a kids school project. It is a great idea but that map is a joke.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 09:51 | 2334250 navy62802
navy62802's picture

The Hampton Roads danger zone isn't making me feel too good right about now.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:11 | 2334324 easypoints
easypoints's picture

WTF is that huge red spot in Northern Maine? I live near there, and unless there are zombie moose, I don't think this map is accurate.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:42 | 2334429 Stuck on Zero
Stuck on Zero's picture

The place if full of mountain men.  Scarrrry.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:36 | 2334818 DCFusor
DCFusor's picture

Yes, we are.  Very.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:33 | 2334812 memyselfiu
memyselfiu's picture

I was wondering why Minneapolis was such a big hot spot- nukes?

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 13:10 | 2334939 Intoxicologist
Intoxicologist's picture

Swedes!

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 14:32 | 2335302 Calmyourself
Calmyourself's picture

1.5 million LIBERAL zombies...  All of them moaning Al, Al Franken..  Scares the shit out of me everyday..

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 09:58 | 2334251 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

If they only eat Brain Stew, the epidemic won't last that long in America...

and if it where to happen in Europe... they'll probably die of a indigestion so WE'LL ALL BE FINE!!

 

Unless... you live IN BELGIUM!!!

SO MUCH BRAINPOWER OVER THERE!! THE MAP IS LIKE TOTALLY RED!!!

 

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 09:52 | 2334253 Jason T
Jason T's picture

Wow I am safe up in the finger lakes region.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 09:53 | 2334257 Aquarius
Aquarius's picture

Que?

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 09:54 | 2334264 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Just bought another 1000 rounds of .223 zombie repellent.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 09:58 | 2334284 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

Dr. Engali

That is too funny.

Buy an Axe, works better and you never run out of ammo.

How many Zombies can you beat to death with the gun butt before they gnaw on your arm?


Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:04 | 2334305 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I prefer to keep them at a distance, I have my Saiga for close range zombies then if they get too close I have my Rambo survival knife.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:07 | 2334317 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

Dr. Engali

Walking Dead points out that Zombies are slow, the comic, as long as you keep your head you can take out whole bunchs.

Zombies are attracted to noise. Once one hears a noise it moves toward it. When it bumps others they follow until you get a herd.

Zombies keep moving in the direction of the noise until they become distracted by something else.

Guns attract a LOT of zombies.

Axes, and that knife, not any.

Silent like the Ninja brother, silent is the way to live.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:20 | 2334358 chunga
chunga's picture

Just knock off the FSB and put one on with a bayonet lug.

Saiga is getting to be the most popular brand at the range these days.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:26 | 2334380 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

chunga

Bayonet better choice.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:47 | 2334451 chunga
chunga's picture

I like both.

A red-dot and an eight-pack of Circle 10s will bring down quite a few zombies.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 12:43 | 2334843 DosZap
DosZap's picture

Saiga is getting to be the most popular brand at the range these days.

There was a hell of a sale going on, but it's over.

The Rooskies were low balling them like crazy, and those fortunate enough to snag a few are fortunate indeed.

They are looking for a few Distributors, and no more...........so the prices will triple.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 13:29 | 2335016 chunga
chunga's picture

Yup.

Law-abiding zombie fighters; remember to stay 922r compliant.

Adding a pistol grip or even possessing a mag with capacity over 10 rounds makes it illegal...even in a zombie apocalypse...lol.

Remove 5 imported parts and you're good to go (US made FCG = 3 parts, US made fore-grip = 1 part, US made butt-stock = 1 part)

US made mags count as 3 922r parts but they mostly suck (with the exception of perhaps SGM) and cost more than imported mil-spec.

Saigas do require a bullet-ramp to accept mil-spec AK-47, AK-74 mags though. It's no big deal to do.

 

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 13:36 | 2335034 10mm
10mm's picture

I have one stock.I have a20 rnd drum and i have 12 rnd SGM mags.The mags count as 3 compliance parts,the mag,feed lip and base plate.Is that correct?

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 15:10 | 2335192 chunga
chunga's picture

Short answer: the SGM (Surefire) mags count as 3 922r parts.

Because the SGM mags are over 10 round capacity it is no longer considered "sporting" and triggers 922r.

I believe you would still have to remove 2 imported parts; the easiest would be the front handguard and buttstock.

If you go the extra step of removing the "sporter plate" and replacing the fire control group; you achieve three things.

[1] You return the balance of the rifle back to the way it was originally designed. (The now required pistol grip is moved forward)

[2] You remove three 922r parts and get a significantly improved trigger pull (and no longer require the silly lever in the "sporterized" version.)

[3] Your imported parts total has been reduced by 5 and you know longer need to count the three parts in the magazine. This allows you to run mil-spec steel mags that can be had for around 10 bucks. My favorite is the Bulgarian Circle 10; the body is poly but it's steel reinforced in the body, feed-lip, and rear mag-catch. 30 bucks but high quality.

Remember though, your SGM mags have the feed ramp built in. The mil-spec mags do not. That's why you have to add a bullet ramp to your trunnion.

If you add a muzzle device like a flash-hider; that too must be US made.

Here's a handy check-list helpful in determining 922r compliance

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 16:09 | 2335756 10mm
10mm's picture

Thanks for assist.Very helpful.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 18:00 | 2336099 10mm
10mm's picture

Went into link,so the magic # appears to be 10 or less with imported parts with a threaded barrel.My MD Arms drum counts as 3 as well as SGM Mags.I might get the ATI pistol grip without moving trigger group which should make it in compliance,down to 10.Little tight on the duckits to get it tricked out at moment.Thanks Again.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 20:12 | 2336464 chunga
chunga's picture

Oh, a shotgun.

I think the best favor you could do yourself is join Saiga 12 Forum

It's free, loaded with information on Saigas/AK variants, and as a bonus you get a member discount with their sponsors.

[Dislosure: I am not a sponsor, just a member]

I don't advocate flouting 922r but I see non-compliant guns at the range (and in gun shops) all the time.

The key to 922r is how many imported parts you remove, not how many US parts you add.

Shoot the crap out of it and decide what you like/don't like before buying anything.

Planning the build is half the fun. Hit me if you join - same username.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 20:42 | 2336526 10mm
10mm's picture

Will do.As well as you can see by my name title,Im a 10 Mill guy.Im over at 10mm AR15 Forum under PACAPCOP.Love my 10mm.Glock Rocks,G20.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:30 | 2334391 ArrestBobRubin
ArrestBobRubin's picture

Saiga here too Doc. And that ain't all :-)

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:45 | 2334441 10mm
10mm's picture

Gotta love the Saiga,with the drum.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 21:33 | 2336610 Lednbrass
Lednbrass's picture

Once I pick up a Saiga Im pretty much done with weapon acquisition. They have slide fire stocks for them now too- thats a helluva lot of projectiles heading the other way real quick...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_W1pLT7xSA

I used to have one of these for my AK, but you wouldnt believe what happenend to them when I went canoeing...

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:13 | 2334331 gaoptimize
gaoptimize's picture

The wife and I costume up at renfaires with period armor and weapons.  I think these will do better than axes, but assumes that you out-last those (who decide to go offensive) with the most ammo.  I don't think I'll put on armor and carry a sword until I run out of ammo myself.  BTW: I've noticed very strong crossbow sales lately.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:26 | 2334361 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

gaoptimize

Axe, hammer, sword, so on.

I have a combat steel Kwan dao, which while heavy will still bludgeon after the edge is gone. Plus it allows for shoving distance.

Really I imagine axe or hammer works better for the extended battle. Again due to the bludgeoning ability once the edge is gone.

Got a nice heavy Kukri that offers promise.

Armor is promising, as long as it's light enough to move in.Then again I imagine heavy cotton is bite proof.

You play enough video games you can judge the positives and negatives of light vs heavy armor.

But in a zombie throng handheld weapons trump guns, trump anything that runs out of ammo.

Melon hammers would rock, as long as they were combat steel.

Then again spears are considered the king of weapons.

("I don't think I'll put on armor and carry a sword until I run out of ammo myself."

Clines points out that zombie combat is the opposite of regular combat. You need those very hard to get head shots, instead the center of mass ones. And training for center of mass may actually hinder you in the thick of it zombie battle where you revert to training instinct.

Beside noise attracts them)

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:06 | 2334507 carguym14
carguym14's picture

"Play enough video games"?

How much in real life (outside your moms basement) have you swung a heavy sword??

Good luck with that.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:31 | 2334359 ZackAttack
ZackAttack's picture

Splendid choice for your home defense.

My concern with the .223 as a bug-out round is weight. 30 to the pound, versus 10 - 11 .22 LRs and 6 - 7 .22 WMRs to the ounce.  

But everyone's bug-out plan is different. Mine involves about a 220-mile trek to one of three spots in the mountains and assumes there will be no resupply of anything, ever.  

Bug-out, I learned, is all about agonizing choices.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:14 | 2334539 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

A tactical vest helps to disperse the weight.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 11:32 | 2334592 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

I roll old school with ALICE LC1 and LC2 gear myself.   I like to keep the chest/belly clear so I can really get low and suck dirt.  I do see the utility of the vests though, and was considering them for immediate action grab and go kits to stage in useful places, like closets and in trunks.

 

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 13:05 | 2334921 msamour
msamour's picture

that's why a supply cache, and a good plan is important. Reherse every once in a while to ensure you can actually execute the plan.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 09:55 | 2334265 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

Falkland Islands & Antarctica look pretty safe...

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 09:55 | 2334271 konputa
konputa's picture

Canada is free of zombies. I know where I'm moving.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:01 | 2334294 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

konputa

Clearly you fail to comprehend the nature of the Zombie Apocalypse. The trigger awaits in all of us and activates as soon as someone dies.


Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:15 | 2334336 ZackAttack
ZackAttack's picture

Necrosis is much slower in cooler weather, though.

My opinion is that, if you must bug out, you want to flee somewhere stifling hot, rural, bug- and bird-infested.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:22 | 2334369 Gully Foyle
Gully Foyle's picture

ZackAttack

Zombie lore is people turn anywhere from 3 minutes to 3 days.

Necrosis doesn't matter here.

But Cold weather should slow them down.

Then again, the heat may thin them out quicker due to rotting flesh falling off.


Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:35 | 2334405 ZackAttack
ZackAttack's picture

Right, that's the idea. They become a lot less dangerous without musculature to shamble or bite. I think you want lots of birds and bugs.

However, Brooks' book theorizes that the Solanum virus greatly slows the decomposition process, makes the flesh unappealing to carrion-eaters, and that zombies may remain ambulatory for a couple of years even in a hot climate, or until killed in a cooler one.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 13:54 | 2335103 Jason_1sandal
Jason_1sandal's picture

" Fear not the crusted warbler but be wary of the mad cheese grater for he shall slaw the features from your face and the crows be pickin' at your flesh and you got no control over the situation"

The Reverand Atrocious Theodocious

 

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:38 | 2334412 ArrestBobRubin
ArrestBobRubin's picture

Good luck getting over the border mate, it will be sealed as soon as they're ready light the fuse on the next "terrorist attack" Uh, yeah.

All kinds of detacments have been deployed up north for just such an outcome. It's a long border but you won't be able to get over it via roads. That limits what you and your group only to what can pack in. Head up early and create a stash if time and money allow you to do it.

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 10:57 | 2334474 unrulian
unrulian's picture

Obviously you've never been to T-dot, there's about 6 million living there now.....stay away from canada, i think we should erect a zombie fence along the border, i'm calling my MP right now...

Wed, 04/11/2012 - 09:56 | 2334272 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

another reason to reprice real estate....

 

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