May Hedge Funds Performance Update: Red Is Bad

Tyler Durden's picture


And it was shaping up to be such a good year. According to the latest just released HSBC hedge fund performance update, increasingly more funds are starting to lose it, certainly for the month, but increasingly more for the year. How many LPs will be eager to keep on paying 2% management fees (forget performance) to funds who at best are long AAPL (at least 226 of them), and at worst have underperformed the S&P, for the second year in a row, by anywhere from 5 to 15%?

Select HF performance:


And full HSBC report:


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Thu, 05/24/2012 - 15:56 | 2459985 Conman
Conman's picture

How could they lose? Just BTFD because its a winning bet almost daily. Look at today.

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 15:57 | 2459988 SilverTree
SilverTree's picture


Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:31 | 2460117 El Viejo
El Viejo's picture

From one Junkee to another. I love you man! Sniff.

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 18:30 | 2460542 LuKOsro
LuKOsro's picture

It seems that David Einhorn was long HLF after all. So much lolz!

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:00 | 2459998 Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

It's so fucking pathetic and obvious now that it's not even worth getting upset about.  It's just damn pitiful.

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:04 | 2460016 Conman
Conman's picture

I'm sure in about half an hour we ll learn the pop was due to Merkel's fart sounding a little more pro-eurobond than normal and that Tsipras' alphabet soup spelled out austerity.

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:11 | 2460051 Silver Bug
Silver Bug's picture

Ouch, that hurts.

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 15:57 | 2459989 junkyardjack
junkyardjack's picture

Long and wrong, bullish!

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 15:58 | 2459992 Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

Why not just buy everything you can get your hands on in the last 30 minutes of trading every day, sell at the close, and repeat daily?

Benny will take care of you real nice like.  Since we've now slipped it into overdrive on the market manipulation, why not just ride the fraud with him?

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 15:58 | 2459993 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

Which one has the Morg by the balls again? Bluemountain?

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:01 | 2460001 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

Which "one"?

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:02 | 2460002 scatterbrains
scatterbrains's picture

anyone else get the sense they're setting up DXY for a ramp job, regardless of how far it drives /ES down? If I was a Central Banker I'd be drooling over the 1550 line in gold and be ready to sacrifice 100 or so /ES points just to smash gold down.

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:02 | 2460007 BeetleBailey
BeetleBailey's picture

Thanks for the post Tyler.

I can rest easy, knowing these "pros" are doing the "job".

I met one these guys on the island last year.

Funny fucker. Big drinker. Cheap as a church parson. Alligator arms when it came to the tip.

He thought he was funny, when talking about a client who was worried, he told us - with great gusto - about him calling her and;

"Servicing - The - know.....service....the account" - (fornicating movements as he swayed back and forth) -

...add hacking cough and shaking belly.

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:03 | 2460009 Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

LMFAO...what to really spike the football at the close. +4 SPX and a 12 handle ass ramming in the last 40 minutes for no reason whatsoever.

Let me guess, nobody in MSM will ever fucking state the obvious intervention going on.

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:03 | 2460012 meatball
meatball's picture

With the fees they charge, they can do nothing and still make $100m a year. Nice gig if you can get it.

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:04 | 2460018 Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

You also didn't get an invitation to their party?  I thought it was just me.

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:04 | 2460015 no life
no life's picture

PPT with the "happy ending" ...

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:09 | 2460023 Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

More and more laughable and obvious every passing day.  To their credit, they clearly don't give a flying fuck if everyone knows it now.

A rub and a tug.  Right in front of god and everybody else.

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:16 | 2460064 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Right, its so close to blowing up they dont give a shit, massive blatant intervention right up in everyones face daily now...they know whats next and it wont matter at all.

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:09 | 2460043 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Long barbecue weekend coming up.  Prez does nott want too many muttered complaints about the 401ks.  

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:05 | 2460019 janus
janus's picture

i think tudor is 3/30?


Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:09 | 2460040 Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

ES still soaring after the bell.

Tomorrow will probably be an epic fraudfest with a 50 handle up day just in time for Memorial Day weekend.

For sure they are going to go for it.  Why not at this point?

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:17 | 2460071 SmoothCoolSmoke
SmoothCoolSmoke's picture

Yep.  Ma and Pa 401k might look at their accounts for the quarter over the long weekend.  Gotta keep them in the dark until it's too late.   Jack-ass-hole Banksters.

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:09 | 2460046 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Index ramping lunatics are really pissing me off.

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:11 | 2460050 Boilermaker
Boilermaker's picture

psst...they don't give a shit.

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:12 | 2460057 SmoothCoolSmoke
SmoothCoolSmoke's picture


Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:22 | 2460085 q99x2
q99x2's picture

They still have time to double down. China is to stimulate in an effort to keep the elite there from being hanged. Those chinese Hitler types ain't no joke. Which brings to mind the question: If there are such creatures as elite that are well known names you would think they would be the last that would want to collapse a society. Because unlike anytime in the past (as far as I know) everyone knows who to turn against.

Maybe they are Reptilian.

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:24 | 2460090 Muppet Pimp
Muppet Pimp's picture

Odey QVT silverlight appear to have nailed the top bravo gents. Honorable mention to canyon value

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:24 | 2460093 l1b3rty
l1b3rty's picture

Seeing Red All Across the Board!

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:28 | 2460105 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

that 2% is in a world of ZIRP

bedBux did better imo; mattre$$ money, BiCheZ!

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:35 | 2460125 Tsar Pointless
Tsar Pointless's picture

Ho ho ho
It's bullish, you know
Never believe, it's not so
It's bullish, you know
Never believe, it's not so

Never seen a stock tank
Never seen The Bernank
Leaning on the print press in the morning
Crazy day ahead
Bet it won't end red
Chairman Ben Control-P in the morning light

(Sung to the tune of "Magic" by Pilot)

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 16:37 | 2460133 bdc63
bdc63's picture

gosh, I'm always SO impressed by what the "smart" money is able to do ...

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 17:57 | 2460423 I should be working
I should be working's picture

Hedge fund = glorified mutual fund with higher fees and a cool sounding name.

Given the performance (or lack thereof), could we finally be witnessing the death throes of this failed momentum chasing fad?

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 18:33 | 2460553 I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

If a hedge fund doesn't have to market and sell like crazy to get people to give them money to invest, they have the easiest, most overpaid jobs in the history of mankind.

Thu, 05/24/2012 - 20:34 | 2460864 covert
covert's picture

end of comingeling?


Thu, 05/24/2012 - 23:31 | 2461205 Let The Wurlitz...
Let The Wurlitzer Play's picture

These funds should move their money out of Apple and into something safer - like Greek debt.

Just a suggestion.

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