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Meet Marissa Mayer, Yahoo's New CEO
Former Google employee Marissa Mayer is now Yahoo's CEO. Good luck to the longs and Dan Loeb. In the meantime, hear (sic) she is. In the meantime, those who like us, were a little confused, this is all you need to know.
A link to her overcaffeinated 2006 Stanford lecture where much of this was pulled from.
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She lives a few blocks away from me. The laugh basically cancels out the mild cuteness.
I'd hit it!
twice, at least. and she has money to boot.
This ship of 'Yahoos' is going to sink fast.
Hmmm... perhaps those were the directors plans. Any Yahoo CDS's still around?
"I'm just a sucker for a pretty face."
Jerry Yang
On yahoo's finance website one of the headlines reads "Mayer Tapped as New Yahoo CEO"............
You don't say...........
Holy crap. I'd stuff a pillow down her throat before the first night was over.
Take it easy Dungeon Master!
If this doesn't work out, she could be an anchor on CNBC.
A Yid puppet. You can bet from now on Yahoo is a open book to any federal agency that wants information and most likely the IDF as well.
Seventh CEO in five years. I understand that my eight year old is the choice after Marissa screws it up (just like the other six). I'm advising the kid not to take the job. Hold out for something real, like a paper route.
And does anyone else just want to say, "It's always Marissa, Marissa, Marissa!"
The Benejezerat Witch Giggle Test - to test if one is a ditz retard.
I MUST NOT GIGGLE, TO GIGGLE IS THE MIND KILLER. I SHALL ALLOW THE GIGGLES TO PASS THROUGH ME...
THIS IS WAAYYY WORSE THAN THE BOX!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcSujceZDmg&feature=player_embedded
Whatever. Jewhoo will remain a "gay friendly" environment.
man i thought that was stephanie who happens to live 2.8 miles from me and would like to chat, ....
Too late. NSA already owns 'em.
How much worse can she be than the last 3 clowns who ran Yahoo??
At least she got the tech chops to do the job.
But then again, I like girls with dorky laughs.
This is right from Hollywood - Legally Blond...
You can't make this shit up... Yahoo has significantly diminished the meaning of the term yahoo.
lovely. really what a choice for a name, especially techie.
next, bumpkin. no, nimrod. http://nationalinsectweek.co.uk/events/yorkshire_air_museum
And she can suck a golf ball through a fifty foot hose, I'l bet.
Yeah, but gag her first.
Why? You afraid she would laugh at your unit????????
Dude, she is only 37. Now imagine what kind of creek Yahoo must be up to hire someone that young to be their CEO. I'm 38 and I know less than nothing. Yahoo is such a short...but we've all known that....for a long time. Kinda makes you miss Jerry Yang, doesn't it? OK, nevermind.
She must be fucking great.
It's pretty obvious she has been planted to take the fall. Yahoo to Zero in 2 months.
-"Hey Marissa, want to makes lots of money for doing nothing"
-"Sure"
-"Here be CEO, I'll BRB!"..."LOL"
THAT shit is LITERALLY painful to listen to. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, bitchez.
If I ever had to listen to her give a presentation, I'd take a noose and hang myself or jump out the nearest window no more than 2 minutes into her incessant and sensless cackling, right there on the spot while she's talking.
I couldn't take that shit. Literally.
I suspect that Google Employee #20 does not give the least little piece of shit about what you or I think.
Is it an act? I've met smart but evil women who fuck around with your mind, just like that.
Oh, I don't care if she does or doesn't.
I'm just saying I'd have to do something drastic to avoid having to bear the brunt of that pain. She could hyena herself to Timbuktu as I twist and choke or jump through the plate glass, for all I care.
I saw an interview with her by the Digg people and the thing she said that stuck was, referring to adverse events in life or work, "Its not the fall that matters, it's the bounce."
Unless you fall into a bottomless pit.
nailed it.
so whos the asshole responsible for the endless meaningless tripe posted on yahoos home page?
+1 for a double entendre that subtly says what we're all thinking...
Now who in their right mind would give a -1 to that oh so true remark? Oh it's a rainbow flag type of guy. Oh well to each their own but I'll even it up. Cha Ching +1.
Marissa Mayer reminds me my boss at a major Silicon Valley corporation.
She was blond, tall, and very good looking. We just started a new division and she came as a new engineer. She was also a very nice person. By that time, we all liked her.
2 months later, she started sleeping with our president. This is when her career really took off. In just 12 months, she went from a junior engineer to a manager to a director. By our corporate job description, a director was a person responsible for between 1,000 and 1,500 employees. But our president changed rules. She was in charge of only two managers (including me), there secretaries, and she became a senior adviser to the president (by that time, they got married). Since she did not have a clue of my advanced technologies R&DD department activities (it was well above her head), she started every morning activities review with a statement: “We all must work like a team and help each other”.
By that time, she was not a nice person anymore. She became a bitch and a schemer. Well, I was in a deep shit but I got lucky. Her husband, our president, on a business trip being drunk tried to fuck one of our female employees. She resisted and he punched her in a face. In the following morning, our president went to her hotel room and apologized. She agreed to forgive for a job promotion. But few other employees were in a bar when the event took place but decided to keep quiet after the lady asked them.
So, the case was closed? No way. The story reached our “princess”. The princess was furious and decided to fire the lady after publically insulted her. Well, the lady’s husband was a lawyer. He contacted the Board, and both our president and his princess were fired and escorted by guards from the premises.
It was just another story from the America corporate life. No wonder these clowns are destroying America.
yeah, sounds like a dot come.
Larry Page has been nominated for the role of the boss.
http://thegrindstone.com/mentor/former-google-marketing-head-said-mariss...
Speaking about Google:
She came to then unknown start-up in 1999, having completed her masters in computer science from Stanford University, where she did her undergraduate work in symbolic systems.
In a sense, it’s surprising that she signed on with the company, not only because she had 11 other job offers, according to San Francisco magazine, but also because Google’s mission at that time was somewhat undefined.”
Follow the start up money.
NSA is plugged into Stanford research big time. I'm betting they collaborated with NSA via DARPA and DARPA funding. What NSA received is not what we see on our browser screens
Think about the analysts listening to her on the conf calls. They're probably all calling each other right now and saying "Whatever you do, don't tell any jokes to the young, cute, blonde, new CEO chick"...........
Somebody's got to steer the Concordia into the rocks.
lmao....
Lol ... why should she be any different?
Oh, wait .. maybe you didn't actually listen to the vidoe. Nevermind.
Are you kidding me? She bears a great likeness to robo-traders mom.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Marissa_Mayer.jpg
Ear plugs will do, lets engage!
<comment nuked by author>
wow
Yeah, and Robotarder's mom's brother, Semper Fi.
Yup
http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/I_ebd1f2_1170634.jpg
meh, she's a democrat and I have my principals.
Also, as reported on Drudge Report, she held a fundraiser for Obama and raises cash for that rat. 'Nuff said.
Rich Red Jews...any other news?
new reality show coming to CNBC this fall!: "CEOs on Bath Salts"
Okay someone fill me in: what is this "bath salts" meme supposed to be about? I seriously missed the memo here.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bath_salts_%28drug%29
Ha. And they aren't even used in the bath. We are a nation of liars, becoming an entire world of liars.
Some claim that the Roman empire fell in part from the use of lead (a metal) pipes for water, and all the lead people probably consumed as a result, making them stupid or insane. I guess someone might write one day that the developed world fell under the influence of bath salts. It makes as much sense as too much plumbum from the plumbing.
Yes, no wonder the alien hoards want to destroy this planet. It is full of contagion. Best to wipe it clean.
Krugman at least will be pleased.
PLEASE! Please? Don't bring that name up around here. That is the 'Name that is not to be spoken'. Por Flavor? DONKA!
"The con-artist formerly knowns as *******".
That laugh just might git'er done!
Thanks for asking the question cougar! I had always assumed it was a reference to Buffet's bath time.
Sometimes it's hard to keep up with all the memes on this site!
Jeez! When i first so the post i said to my self (WHAT A BABE!) but after the clip i bet you said WTF!!!!
The new poster child for attention deficit.
Yahoo's got big trouble now.
I'm sorry...what were you saying?
God, I dated a woman once that had that laugh shit goin on. Always died halfway thru the night.
She does it well doggy style.
Yahoo is going down. She is smart enough to have negotiated a five-year contract with generous severance clauses over and above, It's kind of a route to a comfortable early retirement and leave the Google stock untouched?
Yahoooooahooooooooooo!!
Yahoo is toast.
What's the over/under for how long she'll be in the job? how long it will be before Microsoft acquires Yahoo or they finally go belly up?
I knew Carol Bartz, and while she not have been the right one for the job, she had CEO cred and stands head and shoulders above this girl, LMAO. Wait... Sergei and the crew are probably laughing their asses off... I just want to know 1. who headed up the search committee, and 2. who were the head hunters that brought her in... They both need to be fired. I could only listen to 5 second of her lame assed laugh, having underestimated it's creepyness.
Epic Fail... Starting... Now!
You Suck
That would be one way to shut her up.
That was . . . I'm speechless. I've met this grl, many times, in corporate America. Assholes who live for golf and their boats love this grl and she does get ahead, at least to a point.
Yeah, she must suck. Even Monica did that.
She gets ahead to a point alright.
HEHEHEHEHHEEHHEEHEHEEEHHEEEHEH!!!
http://youtu.be/_OWgnmNll9k
i thought she was an cookie saleswoman or she was a x star or something. Yahoo sounds like rodeo star.
oops, mistaken identity with this one.
Ex-Porn Star Harmony Rose, AKA Tracy Rolan, Volunteers As EMT
This will go well for Yahoo. Yep...
yahoo ceo job like leaving apple for rim...
Move along now. Nothing to see here.
Bill Cosby does a fantastic impression of her. Can you pick her out?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zkIz6qLPwc
No way anyone laughs like that...................doctored big time.If so, I feel sorry for her..........sad.
Seriously? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tourette_syndrome ???
Will Yahoo never get a break? Not that I care personally.
Edit: And then my next thought is -- could be Google sniffing around the edges of a wee M+A? Someone needs to eat them.
You gotta be fucking kidding me, right?
I couldn't make it pass 30 seconds - JFC. The pain. Yahoo is nothing but one big pop up ad virus. God I hate Yahoo and now I hate it even more .........
Techmology - is it for real, or is it whack?
Where does one even begin, right?
I've been thinking, with the rise of Skynet, and the Police state thugs using microwave emitters, drones, and other assorted weapons on the masses, We The People are gonna need some heavy duty counter-measures in the very soon-to-be future.
Quick, someone close to her tell her some real funny jokes, and record that shit when she laughs (ear-protection required!). When the time comes, we can simply aim the speakers at the 'BOYZ' and TURN THAT SHIT UP!
yahoo is fukked.
Who's daughter is she? There is no reason why this idiot should be the CEO of a company.
It is like Obama ... no reason he should be president.
It reminds me of when Dick(head) Fuld appointer Erin (Callan) as CFO of Lehman Brothers. There was a point, but it had nothing to do with making the company better.
Are you saying she is another post turtle???
A nice way of moving her along.. a promotion to a dead co.
She is a repteillain.
Jewess. Same thing.
You gotta be kidding....
LMFAO!! Is that audio from SNL? Gotta be.
Edit: HOLY crap, it's REAL. Click the link above and listen to the hyenna laugh at 8:00 & 15:04!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!~
She doesn't sound smart enough to be CEO of her own kitchen.
That shit is genetic, take her shoes away and throw an apron at her, she'll be baking up goodness out of instinct.
Ok, but who's gonna volunteer to get her pregnant? (Hint: noise-cancelling headphones kinda get in the way!)
Yea but noise-cancelling ear buds aren't so bad and if there are no other volunteers... Hey my calendar is empty.
Graneros, you dog! You'd hit anything, wouldn't you? Tell the truth..............
............and don't just 'shrug'!
I think installing Maxwell Smart's Dome of Silence over the bed will do the trick nicely
Well, a good sense of humor and happyness are important qualities for a CEO. I bet she does just fine.
Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter
Hey Squeeky, go fetch me a beer from the kitchen.
taint boil,
totally out of line!
but hilarious nonetheless.
so, you get +1 for coy offensiveness; and +1 for an awesome and inspired pic...giving you a grand total of +2.
thanks,
janus (and, in case y'all are curious, the 'short the vagina-as-ceo' trade is alive & well...goodbye, yahoo, we hardly knew ye)
also, and this is important:
how do you make your links pull up on a seperate tab?
computer savy, janus ain't.
much obliged,
janus
When using the insert/edit link function choose Target: "Open link in new window".
thanks
Yo, Adrienne!
I bet she doesn't.
ParkAF:
You are sooo right. I am NOT going to fetch him a beer.
Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter
If I win, you can fetch me a beer. And if you win?
wtf
hey honey - laugh on this will ya.
good girl
Whitney Tilson is somewhere with his finger on the buy button right about now.
Off Topic: I read Barton Biggs died today...RIP.
Okay, Marissa, here's some advice: Roll out a new face for Yahoo centered on "Personal Privacy". Since Google has the rep of being NSA lite, make Yahoo the new "good guy" of the search engines. Take a leaf from ixquick and stop logging IP addresses for searches, email, etc. It'll be great short-term for the stock price, plus you'll reap a lot of new/returning users who feel screwed by the big "G".
retard, ALL websites do this. Every goddam one. Wake the fuck up. There is NO privacy on the internet. It is all under survalence.
Agreed. This is where ALL of them make their money in advertising dollars. This is why Facebook changes their "security features" every week to get you to stumble and stammer and then they know what kind of ads to send you or the type of porn you are into.
Why be a Search Engine if you can't do this? Makes no sense.
Her achievement: employee number @GOOG less than 20
Her expertise: maintaining GOOG home page
if shes not smart enough wouldnt that be par for the course? i mean Yhoo has become so dreadful. Their main page is marketed to 2 year olds. or lets just say not the folks with the disposable income they are looking for. Its so painful to go to their mainpage.
If she is not smart enough, that means there is someone hidden who is doing the thinking for her. Maybe several someones.
Mean. at lease give people a chance to fuck up before you start the onslaught. Its not like she fucking Blyth Masters. Too many jaded crotchity old fucks on zerohedge.
True, that.
You sure? They look an aweful a lot alike. In fact most of the people in positions of power do.
"Mean. at lease give people a chance to fuck up before you start the onslaught. Its not like she fucking Blyth Masters. Too many jaded crotchity old fucks on zerohedge."
Hey - I disagree ! I'm not that old.
Then onto Pets.com.
She's gotten awards. She'll do O.K. http://www.bethelbalto.com/marissameyers.php
In a country where you can buy 203 different sorts of 'serial'
This should not be newsworthy.
Thank God Europe will collapse before we enter this stage.
This should fill your news needs.
http://blogs.sfweekly.com/thesnitch/2010/08/crunch_berries_lawsuit_nonsense.php
Who spliced this together, and what kind of anti-psychotics are they on after enduring the editing process?
She should keep both jobs...
In a not so distant future with bad Spocks and goateed Marissa's - Corporations can be run by an indeterminant number of CEOs. Hence Yahoo could be run by the committee of Mayer, Cook, Ghost-of-Jobs, Immelt, Whitman, Fiorina, Ellison, Blankfein, and Geithner.
Can she cuss? Yahoo needs a woman that can swear like a sailor.
she sounds like she needs a little bit oxygen...
That's an advertisement for going short if I've every heard one.
Holy crap, that laugh can't be for real!
Is she hittin on a pipe?
Hottest undertaker since Michael C. Hall.
bless her.
if your anal cavity had been rode and ridden by rothschild cronies and other circumcised flaccid banker limp dicks for years your voice would sound this desperate.
She can probably suck a bowling ball through a garden hose.
Posts about wealthy powerful successful women always bring out the best racist mysogonistic bullies.
What bother you most, the fact that she has sex, is hyper-powerful or gets paid millions?
none of those bother me, just the laugh
None of the above. We just see no harm at having a good laugh. Lighten up, then maybe people will actually like you.
Oddly being "liked" has never actually been my goal. It is usually the goal of the status quo hoping to find acceptance amongst their equally dopey peer group/ frat boys.
Never found much humor in racist internet bullies.
Yeah, if you keep posting like that you will be BANNED FROM POSTING. (Oh wait....wasn't that YOU that said that?)
If she had invested in gold and taken phyz, she'd be okay around here. Just say'n.
/s
Yup, bounce back over to HUFFPO, lizzy. You'll be all warm and fuzzy there. We're keepin' it real over here.
You have been here for 9 weeks, so while i appreciate the suggestion....some of us have been "keepin' it real" for 3.3 years (including blogspot).
If it somehow seems like I embrace warm and fuzzy, then you have got the wrong impression of me.
Since I've been here more than 9 weeks, how 'bout you lighten up a little??
lizzy36, you've been here long enough to understand the rules around these parts, at least since the Jones/Icke/Rense crowd moved into town:
1) You must never have a positive thought, unless it involves guns, gold or Ron Paul
2) The PTB are out to get you, and that means you specifically, because you are the only one "awake"
3) If you can link to it, then "it" is true, but if it comes via the airwaves, it is lies and disinformation
4) If you do find yourself in need of humor, make sure it is at the expense of women
To "lighten up" means you can ignore whatever accomplishments this woman might have achieved and judge her solely on her admittedly unusual laugh, but you would violate everything that is good and holy if you ever made light of Ron Paul's squeaky and incessant rambling and absolute waste of every second he ever spent at a House-Fed Hearing.
it bothers them that she has more power than they do.