A Modest Proposal To Boost US GDP By $852 Quadrillion: Build The Imperial Death Star

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Since at this point US society is irrevocably split into two camps, on one hand those who believe Keynesian propaganda, where the only cure for unsustainable debt is more debt, and on the other those who believe that a return to a gold standard is the only way to prevent an epic socio-political collapse, also known in official US circles as "extremists", and since we know that the status quo will never let the latter get their way without a fight (quite literally and quite violently), it is only logical that 'if you can't beat them you have to join them'. In which case we believe that instead of breaking windows, or starting wars, or even expecting a growth boosting alien invasion that would lead to a surge in GDP that may or may not come, one should not only go for broke, but do so in style. As such we propose that the US, already the world's most expansionist and aggressive foreign policy power, not like there is anything wrong with that of course - it is all for the sake of liberating oppressed foreign oil, should one up itself and build the true symbol of its contemporary socio-historical status: the Imperial Death Star. Yet the real benefit in addition to blowing up various alien world that refuse to bail out the world's central bank confederacy, is that the cost of construction of said Keynesian masterpiece, would be an epic $852 quadrillion, which in turn would go straight to US GDP.

Now naturally since this entire amount would have to be debt funded, and since MMT tells us that America can issue any amount of debt without a hitch, it would only make sense that the US Treasury should sell $852 quadrillion in bonds at a few basis points in interest (negative rates if possible) post haste, and use the proceeds to construct said engineering marvel. Since modern economic theory tells us that every dollar in incremental debt is roughly equivalent to a dollar in GDP (as idiotic as that sounds), this would result in what can only be called the greatest golden age in the history of America, whose GDP would rise by over 56,000 times overnight to a little over $852,000,000,000,000,000, and all American citizens would be the richest (nominally of course, after all that is all that matters) not only in the world, but potentially in the known galaxy, overnight.

Alternatively, in the highly improbable case that the US can't issue this entire amount at sub 1% rates, and if the US Treasury finds that even the shadow banking black hole that is State Street and BoNY is unable to sweep $852 quadrillion in US debt that would have to be issued and promptly repoed back to mysterious and benevolent "actors", all America would have to do is find an alien world that would be willing to buy said amount of US debt, with Use of Proceeds solely to build the most destructive weapon in the history of the galaxy, take the money, build the station, and then use the Death Star on said gullible alien planet.

Because as Stalin would say if he were alive today to see what true central planning is: "Death is the solution to all problems - no alien, no problem."

Like that, poof - immediate debt discharge, even as the US is still long one Empirial Death Star.

And that is how you grow GDP by 56,000x overnight and #WinTheFuture.

 

As for the actual details of how one builds said Death Star we turn it over to Centives:

 

How Much Would it Cost to build the Death Star?

Building a massive space weapon is all very well, but you have to find the materials to build it with. It's easy to say that "sure, the Death Star would be expensive" but is there actually enough iron in the Earth to make the first Death Star? Centives decided to find out.

We began by loo king at how big the Death Star is. The first one is reported to be 140km in diameter and it sure looks like it's made of steel. But how much steel? We decided to model the Death Star as having a similar density in steel as a modern warship. After all, they're both essentially floating weapons platforms so that seems reasonable.

Name: HMS Illustrious

Volume: 28,591.2 m3

Mass: 22,000 tonnes

 

Scaling up to the Death Star, this is about 1.08x1015 tonnes of steel. 1 with fifteen zeros.

Which seems like a colossal mass but we've calculated that from the iron in the earth, you could make just over 2 billion Death Stars. You see the Earth's crust may have a limited amount of iron, but the core is mostly our favourite metal and is both very big and very dense, and it's from here that most of our death-star iron would come.

Name: Death Star

Volume: 1,440,000 kilometres3

Mass: 1.08 x 1015 tonnes

 But, before you go off to start building your apocalyptic weapon, do bear in mind two things. Firstly, the two billion death stars is mostly from the Earth's core which we would all really rather you didn't remove. And secondly, at today's rate of steel production (1.3 billion tonnes annually), it would take 833,315 years to produce enough steel to begin work. So once someone notices what you're up to, you have to fend them off for 800 millennia before you have a chance to fight back. In context, it takes under an hour to get the steel for HMS Illustrious.

Oh, and the cost of the steel alone? At 2012 prices, about $852,000,000,000,000,000. Or roughly 13,000 times the world's GDP.*

But then again, you can just take out a loan from the entire planet and then default on them in the most awesome way possible.

 

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Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:38 | 2191126 Strelok
Strelok's picture

Do you realize how much freedom and democracy we can fire into brown people across the universe with this thing?

Omg, that was so funny some food I was eating came out  of my mouth.  That is a very rare occurance.  Totally caugh me off guard...

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 20:08 | 2191204 jplotinus
jplotinus's picture

The thing already exists and has been used on occasion. Check back with me if you need examples of usage.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 20:11 | 2191213 masterinchancery
masterinchancery's picture

Yeah, but wait until we run into the blogonian confederacy, with its gamma ray burster death thingy, and our entire galaxy is turned into microwave background noise.

Fri, 02/24/2012 - 05:00 | 2192042 BidnessMan
BidnessMan's picture

Protecting and serving the shit out of our citizens!

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:29 | 2190893 knicks3005
knicks3005's picture

You sunk my battleship bitchezzz!!

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:31 | 2190894 Xibalba
Xibalba's picture

Bummer about NASA. I guess the Chinese will beat everyone to it...

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:30 | 2190896 AC_Doctor
AC_Doctor's picture

What would Yoda say?

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:33 | 2190906 redpill
redpill's picture

Full of Keynesians the Dark Side is

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:37 | 2190923 prains
prains's picture

phasers to stun

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:39 | 2190938 tmosley
tmosley's picture

It was as if millions of fanboys cried out all at once, then suddenly had their underwear pulled over their heads.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:47 | 2190964 AbruptlyKawaii
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When the music stops in terms of liquidity, things will get complicated. But as long as the music is playing, you've got to get up and dance. We're still dancing. - Chuck Prince Yoda

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:05 | 2191022 I Got Worms
I Got Worms's picture

Can Barney Frank play Jabba the Hut in this movie?

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:40 | 2191124 Wakanda
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Barney's closeup is posted above.  View in a beverage free zone.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:23 | 2191075 Wakanda
Wakanda's picture

Trust the Farce Luke.

Fri, 02/24/2012 - 00:43 | 2191830 geekgrrl
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Once you start down the debt path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:31 | 2190897 tmosley
tmosley's picture

Why buy one when you can buy two for just twice the price?

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:33 | 2191108 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

Don't worry bout the junker TM, they had an irony (humour or sarcasm) by-pass

probably Trav, he has all 3 on a bad day

Fri, 02/24/2012 - 00:25 | 2191798 trav7777
trav7777's picture

I never junk anyone except Tyler

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:32 | 2190900 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

Is it Imperial Death Star or iMperial Death Star.  Apple is certainly already working on this.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:43 | 2190935 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

So THAT is where Cook is planning to sink the leftover AAPL cash for the benefit of the shareholders!

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you our next gov-approved product 

 

I-DEATHSTAR

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:32 | 2190901 Rusty.Shackleford
Rusty.Shackleford's picture

IT'S A TRAP!

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:38 | 2190925 prains
prains's picture

iSet

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:44 | 2190950 chet
chet's picture

That thing's operational!

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:45 | 2190955 redpill
redpill's picture

iTrap

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:35 | 2191111 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

looks remarkably like Microsofts business plan of the last 20 years

Fri, 02/24/2012 - 03:23 | 2191974 Buckaroo Banzai
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We can't repel liquidity of that magnitude!

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:33 | 2190904 Lost Wages
Lost Wages's picture

The elite have already turned the world into a self-contained Death Star that eats itself like an Ouroborous.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:34 | 2190910 RealFinney
RealFinney's picture

The only question is will it be more over it's $852,000,000,000,000,000 budget than it is over it's 800,000,000 year project timescale.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:36 | 2190919 tmosley
tmosley's picture

So you're saying it's not "shovel ready"?

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:39 | 2191130 GernB
GernB's picture

 

Yea, they probably won't account for the millions of $436 hammers it will take to make it. However, it's fairly easy to bring it into schedule. Assuming approximately 20 man hours per gross ton of steel it would take 5.4x10^13 man hours, so the original time estimate would include only 67,500 people working on it. If we increase that so that 675,000,000 people are working on it (only 1 in 10 people on earth) we could pull the schedule in by a factor of 10,000. We could complete the death star in a meer 80 millennium, and if the schedule slips a few millenium whose going to care.

 

Fri, 02/24/2012 - 04:56 | 2192041 BidnessMan
BidnessMan's picture

No way.  You are describing a scaled up version of making a baby in one month with 9 pregnant women.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:34 | 2190912 taniquetil
taniquetil's picture

"This is exactly what I've been saying for years. ZeroHedge, stop plagarizing my ideas and calling them your own, you are nothing original."

 

-Paul "Nobel Prize" Krugman, Professional Blogger

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:35 | 2190913 Comay Mierda
Comay Mierda's picture

This is Paul Krugman's wet dream

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:36 | 2191122 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

Yes indeedy: destruction = wealth

or 'socialism' to give it correct title

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:42 | 2191145 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Aye, and Krugman will see nothing wrong with $100,000 toilet seats, either (broken window and all that).

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:35 | 2190914 Chupacabra-322
Chupacabra-322's picture

Luke, I am your FATHER.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:36 | 2190916 NuckingFuts
NuckingFuts's picture

Use the force, Bitchez!

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:02 | 2191015 Zappalives
Zappalives's picture

You have no idea of the power of the dark side.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:36 | 2190917 Diamond Jim
Diamond Jim's picture

just think of the jobs it would generate. We could mine the moon for the resources....

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:58 | 2190994 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

A junior congressman refusing to vote for the Death Star spending bill was tossed into Barney Frank's...uhmmmm...errrr....

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:01 | 2191008 Coke and Hookers
Coke and Hookers's picture

Post of the day!!

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 21:04 | 2191338 prains
prains's picture

gaping maw

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:09 | 2191014 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

The spice must flow.

Heads or tails?

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:08 | 2191031 thruid
thruid's picture

Poor bastard is being used as a human gerble !

 

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:12 | 2191041 Awakened Sheeple
Awakened Sheeple's picture

The target area is only two meters wide

Fri, 02/24/2012 - 00:27 | 2191800 trav7777
trav7777's picture

R O T F L

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:37 | 2190920 Bill D. Cat
Bill D. Cat's picture

Seems a little steep , price wise ..... think they'd settle for 850 ?

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:44 | 2190926 Zero Govt
Zero Govt's picture

fantastic idea

First JFK pissed away $Billions on an ego trip to the fuking moon (worthless), then Reagan on Star Wars defence systems that never materialised (useless)

2 huge financial frauds and the US Govt are looking at this idea (very seriously) for a 3rd (no rest for taxpayers)

Govt: the dumbest organisation in history (ZH shouldn't give these village idiots ideas)

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 18:49 | 2190974 Whiner
Whiner's picture

Now, now. Remember Teflon which with a good movie came out of the moon shot technology, and Regan, Thatcher and Pope Paul bankrupted the USSR, so we got that Goin for us. Just lotsa' stuff which today woul cost even more.

Thu, 02/23/2012 - 19:07 | 2191028 chubbar
chubbar's picture

Let's make sure we get all the contractors hired from the Big Dig, those guys sure know how to come in right on budget!

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