More European Any- And Every-Thing Promises Jerk Market Higher

Tyler Durden's picture

Well it had to come, hope was fading. Special delivery via telephone from her vacation (via Bloomberg)...


Translation (for non-European-speakers): Europe promises to talk much more. Also promises to not actually do anything as long as it takes.

  • Germany, France: must implement June summit conclusions quickly. Market ramps on hope that the event that ramped it in June, is implemented

In summary, the Eurozone is committed to preserving itself. Truly breaking news which will trigger all EURUSD stop losses



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jeff314's picture

Bye Bye AAA rating for Germany

GetZeeGold's picture



Gonna have everything fixed by next think prices are high right now......just wait.


SheepRevolution's picture

C'mon, seriously. Did anyone expect anything else? It's the same thing as when the Mexican government several years ago told their people the wouldn't devalue the currency. What happened? They devalued. Big-time.

It is time for us to simply ignore the politicians comments entirely. This would be more devastating then joking about what they have to say.

SMG's picture

Everyone is really making an effort to pump the markets/euro this week and the past few.   I bet something bad is coming soon.  

I really think we're going to have to a "crash" style drop in the market before they do another QE.

DeadFred's picture

Think of the good side, since their words are totally worthless they should have very little impact on inflation.

fredquimby's picture


It is time for us to simply ignore the politicians comments entirely.

But that is the beauty of the EURO - it cannot be touched or fucked up by the european politicoes. THEY CAN DO NOTHING TO SAVE IT. Thats the point. It was specifically designed like that!!

My Dad keeps banging on about "well, if they can't set their own interest rates or print money, they are screwed", not realizing it is him the English pensioner that is actually being screwed by the UK Govt, because they do set their own rates and are printing more of the money he has his savings denominated in.....

Nussi34's picture

Yes Inflation + Germany = War in Europe

WhyDoesItHurtWhen iPee's picture

Merkel + circle jerk = Merjerkel

SheepRevolution's picture

More like the Backstreet Boys strategy. The EMU should make "Anything for you" their national anthem:

DeadFred's picture

From back when they still wrote tunes for the foxtrot.

Duenyas's picture

Everyone is invited to join "will do anything for eurozone" party.

"To protect", not to "Save" !!!

engineertheeconomy's picture

"To protect the money printing Mania"

DavidJ's picture

Sh*t!  Lost 250! on that hopium!

MillionDollarBoner_'s picture

They actually said they would do anything for your ozone.

Its the tricky accents that cause the confusion...

nmewn's picture

Breaking...Hollande buys Merkel a tube of lipstick...cosmetic company shares surge!!!

GMadScientist's picture

Markel seen buying several ball-gags and a colonic kit.


Haager's picture

Even if you put lipstick on it remains an - err - Merkel.

debtor of last resort's picture

Well, hopefully the euro(zone) dies before i do. Pffff

fonzannoon's picture

Merkel congratulates any France workers who retired this month at the ago of 58 and wishes them well. Promises to make sure Germans bust their ass right up till they take a dirtnap to preserve a wonderful and stress free retirement for said Frenchmen.

RobotTrader's picture

Shorts are now on the run as stops are being hit everywhere.


The "Draghi Pie-Hole Effect" worked.

Isn't Central Banking easy?

GMadScientist's picture

Just like the bubbles you blow with Blankfein's cum?

Vincent Vega's picture

"Isn't central banking easy?" Yep, if they can just pump the DOW about another 1200 points it will be back to where it was 5 years ago. It shouldn't cost more than <another> 3-4 T$.

Bogdog's picture

I'm gonna ride it a while longer. When the Merkel vacay is over, maybe she'll throw a wet blanket on everything.

MeelionDollerBogus's picture


How's your facebook shares ?

Easy as pie short - even a caveman can do it.

azzhatter's picture

Interesting how France is going to "help"

GERxit's picture

jep, they help by being helped :-)

However I was missing the "BELIEVE ME" part in the statement... maybe that hints towards something?!

the not so mighty maximiza's picture

Bring your kneepads Merkeljerkel

Conman's picture

Who needs  financial analysts, MBA degrees, etc etc. Just fire them all, none of that matters. Markets are a complete fucking joke.

timbo_em's picture

I'm psyched, feel as good as after the last summit.

btw: "protect the euro"? Still fighting speculators? OMG

Bastiat009's picture

Hollande's arrogance is equaled only by his incompetency.

falak pema's picture

no no, nobody can match US arrogance; he still has a lot to learn from GWB and all those who made this miracle. He is just running behind the FED pump. 

MillionDollarBoner_'s picture

He seems pretty good to fucking his own country up ;O)

arkel's picture

It's amazing that anyone thinks creating money out of thin air can save an economy. If it were so easy, every country would be rich beyond comprehension.
Waiting for the shit to finally hit the fan is frustrating. Why is it taking people so long to figure this out?
The longer we postpone, the more shit is going to hit that fan and at a higher speed setting.

Dr. Engali's picture

What a joke this has become. They haven't said a damn thing and this "market"ramps up. P.T. Barnum was right when he said "there s a sucker born every minute".

rubearish10's picture

Credit to all those with ongoing creative & humorous commentary on this perpetual BS but is anyone at all feeling just a wee bit exhausted?? In other word, Fuck It!

LULZBank's picture

I second that.

I think, waking up everyday or even refreshing headlines hoping to read "The EUR/USD/Financial System has collapsed!" kind of headlines are emotionally taxing and wearing us out.

We need to snap out of this mindset or else we will be too worn out and psychologically fatigued to do anything positive about it... Like a someone who finally did get married.... at 75.

Peter K's picture

Europe speaking with one voice.... until the vacations end:)

paint it red call it hell's picture

how do you spell     J-A-W-B-O-N-E

lizzy36's picture

I read this and all i think is: "Gimme Shelter".

War, Children it's just a shot away

It's just a shot away......

elysithea's picture


The magic rabbits and fudge have run out so I would assume that the next step for these morons is indeed war. They could start printing but that might help some debt slaves escape their control.

There are a growing number of voices saying No,Nein,non where No means No. A very interesting German perspective from Dr Rath can be seen here:

JPMorgan's picture

I doubt Germany is ready to do   A N Y T H I N G.

Just words till they actually DO something.

Getting Old Sucks's picture

You can save that post for next year, and the year after, and the year after..........

Who believes this crap anymore?

Jlmadyson's picture

Yea they got it all figured out alright. Until they don't at which point this market crashes and burns from undestanding all the BS spewed has done absolutely zero besides add mountains of debt to the already mountains of debt sitting around 5 years ago. Pump it up all they want it will not change the inevitable.

SheepDog-One's picture

Everyone marching in place, marking time, until 'the event' and see the next 9-11 right when no one expects it but is waiting with hands out for free money which is 100% guaranteed coming at any minute.

mrktwtch2's picture

unlike you big traders here im up 30k on the year.. i know im small potatooes but you have to start posting the good info..