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Tyler Durden's picture

The horror, the horror:

  • EU-27 RELEASES STATEMENT AFTER BRUSSELS SUMMIT
  • EU-27 SAYS COMMISSION MUST URGENTLY EXPLORE BANK GUARANTEES
  • EU SAYS BANKS SHOULD FIRST FIND PRIVATE SOURCES TO RAISE FUNDS
  • EU SAYS STATE AID RULES ON BANKS SHOULD BE PROPORTIONAL
  • EU SAYS MID-TERM BANK FUNDING MUST HEAD OFF CREDIT CRUNCH RISK

Source: Bloomberg

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Mugatu's picture

blah, blah, blah, blah!

 

Nothing new!

caerus's picture

sound and fury...signifying nothing

tooktheredpill's picture

from Barry Ritholtz at the big picture:

"It seems that the European leaders have come to some sort of an agreement about the near term deliberations. They now apparently have mapped out all of the details about their strategy for their next meeting, where they will make a plan to debate what sort of tactics they want too engage in on their next group summit to kick around an agenda for their next symposium, where they may discuss the bank problems. Over breakfast. Or not."

Arius's picture
  • EU-27 SAYS COMMISSION MUST URGENTLY EXPLORE BANK GUARANTEES
  • I love the word URGENTLY - nice touch of emergency (hmmm for the last....years)... it means it is immediate ... coming ... ohhhh wait it is still in the mail .... but we'll meet next week, and the week after , after, and so on ... to solve it URGENTLY

    orangedrinkandchips's picture

    Man, that line to lend to these fucks is so long...i lost count! (eye roll)

    thetruth's picture

    what could they possibly talk about in these meetings? the same thing over and over and over? at each meeting? the ultimate groundhog day

    i root for that fat jersey governor's picture

    if we know the market (and idiots) are going to buy into this kind of bs, then let's play along the game and make some money!

    spiral galaxy's picture

    Exactly! Basically, make counterintuitive trades.  I look at the market as someone/something trying to 'bait me' into buying into the 'logical' trade when, like Lucy & Charlie Brown with the football, it reverses and take the $$.  Today is a great example.  Frankly, the best way to 'play' the market is just stay the &*#% out.  The manipulation and disconnect from reality is surreal.

    i root for that fat jersey governor's picture

    I wouldn't let those assholes ruin my account so I just have to play the game - get a little bit of bailout money in my account. After giving back some gains yesterday, I got a bit back today. Closed my long account and switched to short - thinking market might collapse soon.

    vote_libertarian_party's picture

    aaaaand the code is fed into the bots and it computes

     

    BUY BUY BUY....everything is FIXED!!!

    PAPA ROACH's picture

    You what would be fucking hilarious? You have your fat fingered trades, you have your rogue traders........have we ever seen a rogue reporter at Reuters or Bloomberg?

     

    Since these robots ingest the headlines, how about a rogue reporter feeding bogus headlines? That could be semi-black swannish eh? The possibilities of bullshit are limitless.

     

    I am no techie, but one of these hacker groups could get into the system the generates the headlines, no? That could put a nice dent in the whole robitic headline reading trading algo world...........one could only dream.

    Smartie37's picture

    GREAT idea -- could be just a two-worder,
    with name + RESIGNS, a la':

    BERNANKE RESIGNS

    GEITHNER RESIGNS

    MERKEL RESIGNS

    .......taxpayers resign ?

    PAPA ROACH's picture

    The power of suggestion..........anyone know a rogue hacker?

     

    GERMANY AND FRANCE TO LEAVE EUROZONE IMMEDIATELY

     

    BERLUSCONI DISCOVERED BUYING ITALIAN CDS IN HIS PERSONAL ACCOUNT

     

     

    mayhem_korner's picture

     

     

    Allow me to translate into 132 languages at once:

    dot-dot-dot, dash-dash-dash, dot-dot-dot (repeat)

    Haddock's picture

    Nothing to see here, move along.

    NEOSERF's picture

    Wow, that is even less than I thought would come from them and the markets love it...time to put more shorts on as only bank failures will motivate this clown car...

    vote_libertarian_party's picture

    2 hours before the close is a loooooong time to pump up the markets on vapor headlines.

     

    FT usually waits until 30 minutes until the close.

    Let them eat iPads's picture

    For the love of Zorba, just default already.

    Comay Mierda's picture

    when does Greece run out of cash?

    kaiserhoff's picture

    Dear EU,

    Here's the plan.  Find a Leprechaun.  Crush his nuts until he tells you where his gold is.

    I guarantee this makes more sense than what you are doing.

    Rhone_Ranger's picture

    Na, the Irish have already tried that and it didn't work.....  Maybe they should go after the leprechaun's whiskey instead?

    legal eagle's picture

    Yes, good luck "finding private sources" for the funds.....LMAO

    eaglefalcon's picture

    Stop the bluffing and print 3 trillions already!

    ElvisDog's picture

    The problem with just printing 3 trillion Euros is that it wouldn't address the structural deficits in many of the Euro countries. If the total deficit spending burn rate of the PIIGS is, say, $100B a month (I'm just pulling that number out of my butt), then after 30 months they've burned through the 3 trillion and are in the same situation. Except it's worse because now you need more than 3 trillion because those countries have to pay interest on the first 3 trillion. Just printing doesn't work unless and until something is done about the structural deficits in those countries.

    redpill's picture

    EU-27 SAYS EVERYTHING IS FINE, LOOK WE ARE RELEASING STATEMENTS WITH TANGENTIAL BUT CONFIDENT-SOUNDING FINANCIAL PHRASES, GO BACK TO BUYING STOCKS AND PRETENDING EUROPE IS SOLVED PLEASE.

    Darth Sidious's picture

    is summit the right word for the meeting?

    SheepDog-One's picture

    EU summit last ditch final meeting results-- 'OH wow we better schedule some more meetings'!!

    I wish my damn head would just explode already...WTF??

    redpill's picture

    Maybe they think if they keep having meetings it means Greece won't default, like Wiley E. Coyote continuing to run off the cliff as long as he doesnt' look down.

    SheepDog-One's picture

    'We need to find private sources for funding'....Hmmmm you mean the US taxpayer thru the private Federal Reserve? 

    Dr. No's picture

    You are on to something.  The FED is private with a record of investing in banks and companies.  Where would they get the money?  Where could a private company get the amount of money needed to save EU?  humm....

    legal eagle's picture

    Talk about word-smithing.  They say absolutely nothing.

    You would think the promise to QE would be good for a bolt up in PMs, but nope.

    The phrases are purposefully vague.

    SheepDog-One's picture

    Yea I think they now meet just to decide design how to best print the next set of headlines. 

    orangedrinkandchips's picture

    Why is it that Germany, my roots, HAS ALWAYS BEEN IN THE MIDDLE OF EVERY SINGLE WORLD OCCURANCE? EVERY SINGLE ONE....WW1, 2 (obviously both), Roman Empire etc.

     

    Every single time....

    slavador's picture

    Germany has always been the muscle backed brains of Europe. The best run most prosperous European tribes will obviously be involved in running things (and all the jealous losers will try to loot them). Lazy groupings of men are always trying to crush and extract wealth from the Germans instead of simply doing their own work. If Russia and Germany and China work together (brawn + brains +obedience +resources), they could easily enslave the rest of us.

    Quintus's picture

    Is the idea to bore us all to death with an endless stream of meetings, conferences, anodyne headlines, and vacuous documents?  

    Then when we are conditioned to the point that our eyes glaze over at the mere mention of 'Euro' they can brush the whole problem under the carpet and forget that it ever happened?

    If that's the plan, I have to say it's working.

     

    kaa1016's picture

    This whole thing is just bullshit. They know exactly how to play the headline reading algo's. They could put out the same press release every day and every day the market would have the same exact response, which is to go higher.

    This is a textbook form of psychological warfare.

    SheepDog-One's picture

    This is BULLSHIT! No way in HELL should we be here in the US hanging on every word these European DICKS say daily! 

    Gief Gold Plox's picture

    Will they please for the love of Gold please let Greece finally default as it should have two years ago? This is getting to be the worst fucking soap opera ever. Ugliest cast too. I hate these people.

    onlooker's picture

    y Valentina Pop

    Brussels - Peace should not be taken for granted if the euro fails, German chancellor Merkel told MPs Wednesday (26 October) ahead of the eurozone summit where an increase of the bail-out fund firepower may lead to Germany's own state assets being taken as collateral.

    In a dark blue jacket reflecting the mood in and about the eurozone, Merkel abandoned her usual cautious rhetoric warned outright of a war.

    "Nobody should take for granted another 50 years of peace and prosperity in Europe. They are not for granted. That's why I say: If the euro fails, Europe fails," Merkel said, followed by a long applause from all political groups.

    "We have a historical obligation: To protect by all means Europe's unification process begun by our forefathers after centuries of hatred and blood spill. None of us can foresee what the consequences would be if we were

    Dr. No's picture

    Sounds like EU needs an Space Alien invasion just like the US.  Declare war on Aliens per the Nobeloriate in Economics and get a Nobel Peace prise of saving humanity.

    Elwood P Suggins's picture

    WOW!  From a country with Germany's past that could be considered a threat.

     

    SHOCK & AWE anyone?

     

    Pork Chops Forever!

    SheepDog-One's picture

    Did you even notice the wording in all these headlines out of these European meetings of DICKS always has the tone that someone ESE is supposed to be doing something?

    'This must be done this way, that must be done in that way'....WHATEVER dicks, DO IT!

    virgilcaine's picture

    One  can sense their desperation.

    NDXTrader's picture

    The only way for this to stop is for the market to go down right now and continue down to let them know can-kicking time is over. Sigh...I can dream can't I?

    Odin's picture

    Can someone explain to me what sort of morons actually buy on news like this? I mean, I know the algos drive up the price with bids, but can that really account for all off this rallying?....Seriously someone help me out here...