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Northern Ireland Man Thrown In Prison After Attempting To Turn Crap Into Gold

Tyler Durden's picture




 

We take advantage of this brief lull in the European panic headline blasting for a comic interlude, presented without comment.

From Yahoo News:

Man jailed after trying to turn faeces into gold

 

A man from Northern Ireland has been jailed after an experiment in which he attempted to turn his own faeces into gold went wrong and started a fire in a block of flats.

 

Paul Moran will now serve three months in jail and a further 12 months on license after the failed experiment caused a fire at his Housing Executive home in Derrin Park, Enniskillen.

 

Moran admitted arson and endangering the lives of others in the fire, which reportedly caused over £3,000 worth of damage.

 

It is thought that as part of the bizarre experiment Moran left his faeces, along with other waste products such as fertiliser, on a heater.

 

In his ruling Judge McFarland told Moran: “Rather bizarrely you were attempting to make gold from human faeces and waste products.

 

“It was an interesting experiment to fulfil the alchemist’s dream, but wasn’t going to succeed.”

 

Moran’s barrister mentioned that his client was a man of ‘considerable intellectual ability’ but that he had problems battling drug abuse

Take it away...

 

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Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:24 | 1793102 Josh Randall
Josh Randall's picture

Crap into Tradition

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:26 | 1793113 Pladizow
Pladizow's picture

Isnt this the same thing central banks have done for the past century?

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:27 | 1793124 Hard1
Hard1's picture

Bernanke is trying the same thing with the dollar and succeding!

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:32 | 1793166 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Along these lines, if this guy was jailed, every central bankster in the world employing Modern Money Mechanics (aka fractional reserve banking using fiat toilet paper) should be imprisoned for life...

...not for trying to turn crap into gold, but for turning what was once an economic system that produced real wealth into an Ponzi Scheme that churns out feces, and tells everyone that it the outflow has inherent value (in 1968, the financial services sector of the U.S. economy comprised 14% of the U.S. GDP while manufacturing comprised 41%, and today, those numbers are inverted).

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:39 | 1793209 redpill
redpill's picture

Thrown in prison?  Hell he should be invited to the next Merkozy summit, so that they learn from his mistakes.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:40 | 1793221 sushi
sushi's picture

He was working under contract to the ECB

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:56 | 1793305 Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

He only set his house on fire, central banks are setting whole countries ablaze...

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:51 | 1793615 Leopold B. Scotch
Leopold B. Scotch's picture

Bernanke's turned the dollar into crap. 

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 14:17 | 1794134 akak
akak's picture

Meanwhile, the CME continues to try to turn gold (and silver) into crap.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 14:32 | 1794210 Buzz Fuzzel
Buzz Fuzzel's picture

On the serious side, perhaps we have found a way to solve the Greek debt problem. 

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 14:59 | 1794297 akak
akak's picture

Well, if my own personal experiences after eating significant amounts of olives, feta, souvlaki, lamb and baklava are any indication, Greek "production" should be very, um, healthy.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 16:45 | 1794721 bernorange
bernorange's picture

Flaming bags of poo are always comedy gold.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 16:52 | 1794750 akak
akak's picture

Try setting your (friendly) pet skunk on a neighbor's front porch, ringing the doorbell, and then hiding behind the corner to watch their reaction upon opening their door and seeing him try to get inside their house.  Now THAT was funny!

(This was done in a relatively gun-free neighborhood.  I wouldn't try it where I live now.)

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 14:38 | 1794234 Ignatius J Reilly
Ignatius J Reilly's picture

On that line, we here in America have been turning gold into crap since 1964.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:33 | 1793169 Hearst
Hearst's picture

Crap for Gold.  It's been done before.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:54 | 1793295 Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

GLD, SLV

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:15 | 1793406 Long-John-Silver
Long-John-Silver's picture

and FRN's

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:33 | 1793175 Quixotic_Not
Quixotic_Not's picture

OWS is trying a similar effort - in the politikal sense - we'll have to wait and see if they succeed...

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:06 | 1793372 Piranhanoia
Piranhanoia's picture

They?

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:39 | 1793206 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Can we extradite him for impersonating Bernanke?

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:49 | 1793275 SteveNYC
SteveNYC's picture

LOL! Paper into crap?? Ben the Wizard.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:51 | 1793613 Chaffinch
Chaffinch's picture

Err... Isn't Bernanke trying it the other way around - trying to turn the dollar into crap?

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:56 | 1793642 BandGap
BandGap's picture

No, he's using bullshit as the starting point

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:46 | 1793261 mick_richfield
mick_richfield's picture

No, they've been turning gold into crap.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:58 | 1793319 DoChenRollingBearing
DoChenRollingBearing's picture

Maybe today they have succeeded.  But, not for long.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:04 | 1793352 Libertarian777
Libertarian777's picture

not quite. Central banks SOLD actual gold for crap (fiat). They took gold and turned it into crap.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:54 | 1793635 Chaffinch
Chaffinch's picture

Amazing that they should be happy to sell gold for fiat which they could just print...

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 13:22 | 1793752 wombats
wombats's picture

Maybe he can save BofA

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 14:11 | 1794101 hbjork1
hbjork1's picture

It is actually the other way around with the central banks.  They have been turning treasure into crap.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 14:42 | 1794249 perchprism
perchprism's picture

 

Everytime I trade fiat for precious metal I am turning crap into gold.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:27 | 1793123 Beastmanager
Beastmanager's picture

Comex work

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:28 | 1793134 Rynak
Rynak's picture

He was just one step away from figuring out the working formula :)

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:37 | 1793196 HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

Yeah, but you can't eat crap.  Unless you're in a German porn movie.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:38 | 1793202 kengland
kengland's picture

I'm sure SARK/MERK are heading to the mans house right now

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:36 | 1793531 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

Give that man a regional Federal Reserve Bank.  Seems fit for the job. Trying to turn shit into gold and catching the whol damned place on fire.  Seven figure salary for this man.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:25 | 1793110 Bazinga
Bazinga's picture

This is a twist from what the Central Banks are attempting - turning gold into crap.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:26 | 1793112 Ctrl-Alt-Defeat
Ctrl-Alt-Defeat's picture

You spelled Moran wrong!

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:45 | 1793252 fuu
fuu's picture

Fark it all!

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:26 | 1793114 malusDiaz
malusDiaz's picture

Only Benniebux can do this, silly rabbit! 

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:26 | 1793115 MrPike
MrPike's picture

I think we turn shit into gold every time we buy bullion with the USD.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:40 | 1793218 SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

At least he is using something of value in the attempt to create gold.  Shit has value as fertilizer.

The Fed / ECB start with a miniscule amount of electrons then flip it into paper and finally uses the intermediate product (dollars / euros) to purchase gold. 

He just didnt use a multistep process like the Fed.

 

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:29 | 1793116 jdelano
jdelano's picture

Yup.  Just laughed out loud in a dead silent office.

 

Moran’s barrister mentioned that his client was a man of ‘considerable intellectual ability’ but that he had problems battling drug abuse

so now we know what Bernanke's been smoking...

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 17:20 | 1794845 hidingfromhelis
hidingfromhelis's picture

Cheech and Chong: Labrador

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jHi-8Ykx-8

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:26 | 1793117 Mongo
Mongo's picture

Isn't that what Goldman Sachs tries to do every nanosecond........

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:40 | 1793215 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

They did it in Jefferson County, Alabama.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:27 | 1793120 Laughinggrizzley
Laughinggrizzley's picture

Wow, I think this qualifies this man to run the ECB!

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:27 | 1793121 SpaceEcho
SpaceEcho's picture

You can't eat gold; well, not twice, anyway.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:57 | 1793646 Chaffinch
Chaffinch's picture

Well, so long as you wash it in-between meals...

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:27 | 1793122 B-rock
B-rock's picture

This is what Goldman does, isn't it?

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:27 | 1793127 bob_dabolina
bob_dabolina's picture

That's funny shit

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:47 | 1793266 V in PA
V in PA's picture

That shit is golden!

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:27 | 1793130 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I would say that you can't turn shit into gold but yesterday I found out you can indeed polish a turd.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:27 | 1793490 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

This?  Someone linked this yesterday: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiJ9fy1qSFI I guess with the addition of some gold paint you could make shiny gold out of a turd...

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:28 | 1793131 Tense INDIAN
Tense INDIAN's picture

that is the SHIT-HAS-HIT-THE-FAN moment for that guy

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:28 | 1793133 machineh
machineh's picture

This was Benny Bubble's secret research project.

The same experiment would be done in the basement of the Eccles Building ... but the FOMC's unicorns only shit Skittles.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:30 | 1793136 Magnix
Magnix's picture

Wow, how is that possible? This is mind-blown thing to do that. What a dumbass!

"considerable intellectual ability" - Smart people DO dumb things!

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:41 | 1793224 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

All he needed was for it to go supernova. Then his plan would've worked.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:28 | 1793137 Mercury
Mercury's picture

It's so classy when Europeans spell feces with an 'a'

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:42 | 1793231 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

That's because it's runnier.

Due to eating all of the misspelled foods, of course.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:47 | 1793265 Agent P
Agent P's picture

What colour is your faeces?

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:08 | 1793322 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

Grey, as in Grey Poopon.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:24 | 1793465 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

This is THE shittiest thread ever. Revoke hedgeless_horseman's picture posting rights!! (j/k sorta). This was a shitty thing to do, ya gotta admit that.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:34 | 1793526 Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

That's one of them joke turds. There's no way that came out of a human arse...

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 15:04 | 1794309 akak
akak's picture

Put some jug ears and weird purple lips on it, and I would swear that it is a currently (un)popular halfrican teleprompter jockey.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 16:19 | 1794627 THE DORK OF CORK
THE DORK OF CORK's picture

I can spot some Golden flecks in that feces.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 16:25 | 1794647 akak
akak's picture

They're all yours.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:28 | 1793138 prains
prains's picture

Moran’s barrister mentioned that his client was a man of ‘considerable intellectual ability’ 

 

moron's barrister just got himself a job at the Fed, talking out of your ass is the golden rule

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:29 | 1793141 Scisco
Scisco's picture

Well if he grew magic mushrooms, maybe he could of exchanged them for gold.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:31 | 1793147 High Plains Drifter
High Plains Drifter's picture

yids  have been trying to do that for centuries.......its called shitty alchemy........

 

but alas nevermind. they now figured out a better way to deal with this problem. gold plated tungsten bars.......

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:29 | 1793148 ChickenTikka
ChickenTikka's picture

That could solve Irelands debt problems.  Probably more fruitful then what the European Central banks have been working on lately.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:31 | 1793160 High Plains Drifter
High Plains Drifter's picture

well if they use all of the shit in ireland to make gold with, what will they use to heat their houses?

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:30 | 1793152 RemiG2010
RemiG2010's picture

HOLY CRAP! Almost fall of my chair!

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:32 | 1793165 High Plains Drifter
High Plains Drifter's picture

hey don't laugh. pretty soon there will be a world wide shit shortage...........

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 14:42 | 1794247 Ignatius J Reilly
Ignatius J Reilly's picture

and us with all this toilet paper......

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:31 | 1793154 chockl
chockl's picture

He should of tried feces into "Black Gold"..Would of went a lot better.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:35 | 1793185 High Plains Drifter
High Plains Drifter's picture

no, that is incorrect. black gold is schultz schwartzer coffee at starbucks.  there is no business like shoah business.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:31 | 1793156 caerus
caerus's picture

that's one funny judge

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:31 | 1793158 jcaz
jcaz's picture

Hey he might be on to something..... Heading to the can as we speak.....

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:31 | 1793159 i love cholas
i love cholas's picture

i've been turning U.S. dollars into gold.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:41 | 1793164 Wakanda
Wakanda's picture

Mon dieu!  That was the IMF skunk works plan to rescue the euro!

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:48 | 1793274 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Eau de toilette?

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:33 | 1793170 GolfHatesMe
GolfHatesMe's picture

I was going to use BAC certificates, but that shit doesn't burn!

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:37 | 1793197 Crumbles
Crumbles's picture

Ah, the curse of Noah Webster ...

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:33 | 1793176 Seer
Seer's picture

Kind of like abioic oil.  Now days everyone wants to be a snake-oil salesman...

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:04 | 1793355 snowball777
snowball777's picture

I've got it!

Faith-based oil prospecting (shh...they don't know there's no other kind).

We get "the faithful" to pony up dollars to buy prospecting rights, in the name of god,
and spend the profits from any finds on corporate jets and a whole mess o' peas.

 

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:34 | 1793180 Trader Jack
Trader Jack's picture

That man is full of it.  Good thing it didn't work or all the gold bugs would be in a world of shit.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:34 | 1793182 Crumbles
Crumbles's picture

LUMFFO - thanks for the link ... Need laughter today, more now than ever.
Or good scotch.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:26 | 1793480 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Maybe he was hitting the scotch...Fecal Alcohol Syndrome?

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:36 | 1793186 PulauHantu29
PulauHantu29's picture

Has some merit.....After all, many gubberments have already turned Fiat into feces.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:36 | 1793187 jez
jez's picture

"Moran left his faeces, along with other waste products such as fertiliser, on a heater.

"Moran’s barrister mentioned that his client was a man of ‘considerable intellectual ability’ . . ."

Compared to what?

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:54 | 1793296 Mark123
Mark123's picture

Have you ever been to Ireland?

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:36 | 1793190 Gringo Viejo
Gringo Viejo's picture

I could have told him it wouldn't work. Been there done that.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:37 | 1793191 Silverhog
Silverhog's picture

"considerable intellectual ability"

 

I'm no Einstein and certainly taken my share of drugs in the past. But never once did I ever think I could turn my shit to Gold.

 

 

 

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:38 | 1793203 Wakanda
Wakanda's picture

He must be using really special drugs.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:48 | 1793271 SpaceEcho
SpaceEcho's picture

Maybe he's merely dyslexic and misinterpreted his advisor's advice to dump all his gold.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:37 | 1793193 arnoldsimage
arnoldsimage's picture

no differant than what bank of america does on a daily basis.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:54 | 1793195 caconhma
caconhma's picture

Looks like things are quite desperate in EU.

 

And the best part is : "Moran’s barrister mentioned that his client was a man of ‘considerable intellectual ability’."

The same can be said about almost all the past and present Nobel Pize winners in economics.

PS

May be he did not use the right shit!?

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:59 | 1793321 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I was just thinking that he had just as much chance at making tungsten.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:37 | 1793199 equity_momo
equity_momo's picture

This is really very funny.

+rofl

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:37 | 1793200 grunk
grunk's picture

Nevermind about auditing Fort Knox. 

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:38 | 1793204 djcando
djcando's picture

Sign him up for the Fed!

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:39 | 1793205 Hearst
Hearst's picture


Decent article on what to expect from Silver moving forward in light of the CFTC & position limits.

 

http://www.commodityonline.com/news/CFTC-position-limits-and-what-it-may-do-to-raise-silver-prices-43096-3-1.html

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:48 | 1793268 Turd Ferguson
Turd Ferguson's picture

btw, the article you linked was plagiarized from my site. I've contacted the site and the author to ask to have it removed.

Here is the original:

http://www.tfmetalsreport.com/blog/2718/silver-bull-market-2012

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:01 | 1793328 caerus
caerus's picture

well that was blatant

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:00 | 1793313 Strider52
Strider52's picture

Hearst, I read Turd Ferguson's comments yesterday on the CFTC decision; this guy is practically quoting him. Turd's version states "There are too many variables to hazard a guess". This was totally stolen from Turd.

[edit] I see Turd noticed it too.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:39 | 1793207 Turd Ferguson
Turd Ferguson's picture

Something about this story mandated that I check in.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:39 | 1793208 SaveTheGreenback
SaveTheGreenback's picture

Wait....you can't turn crap into gold?!

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:48 | 1793211 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Don't blame this guy, have mercy. He lives in a world where this behavior is role modeled for him from morning till night. What is it that Goldman Sachs enticed Greece and Italy (among others) to do? What is it that excusing the banks from marking to market does? Currency swaps, operation twist, maiden lanes, derrivatives, tell me one thing about the financial system as it currently stands that is NOT an effort to turn shit into gold? Poor socialization, drunk, this guy didn't stand a chance. I urge all of you to be on the lookout for more of this from your friends and family. Just say no to crap into gold ponzi scams. Just say no to this financial system.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:39 | 1793212 GolfHatesMe
GolfHatesMe's picture

Collateral Bitchez

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:40 | 1793214 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Gordon Brown is kicking himself right about now.

Caption: Why didn't I think of that.

Gordon Brown's decision to sell half of the UK's gold reserves 'cost UK £5billion'

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:40 | 1793216 Kokulakai
Kokulakai's picture

 

 

Jailed for violation of CBI intellectual property rights ?

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:40 | 1793217 Agent P
Agent P's picture

Fecalchemy

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:40 | 1793220 caerus
caerus's picture

this explains the recent slide in au prices...i think it may have "bottomed"

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:58 | 1793317 caconhma
caconhma's picture

Agree. Too many institutional investors expected the experiment to succeed.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:41 | 1793222 Halobitt
Halobitt's picture

Long poop?

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:43 | 1793232 grunk
grunk's picture

Long Charmin.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:44 | 1793248 Wakanda
Wakanda's picture

Hot shit.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:44 | 1793241 JohnG
JohnG's picture

This one's almost as good....guy sending rocks to cash4gold, thier letter to him....scroll down a bit:

http://www.tfmetalsreport.com/blog/2445/knife-catcher?page=2

 

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:45 | 1793250 lsbumblebee
lsbumblebee's picture

Dope. Even Judge McFarland knows you have to eat a bowl of Golden Grahams while bouncing on a plunger.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:45 | 1793253 equity_momo
equity_momo's picture

I would add , all he had to do to achieve a success of his experiment was walk to the bank, withdraw some cash and find his local bullion dealer. Same chemical equation.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:45 | 1793255 Syrin
Syrin's picture

The banks are doing reverse alchemy trying to change gold into crap.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:46 | 1793258 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Well, since this is the official toilet humor thread...

Here I sit all broken-hearted.

Tried to shit gold, but only... managed to burn down the neighborhood!

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:49 | 1793279 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

It doesn't rhyme which may be its charm. ;-)

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:46 | 1793260 OutLookingIn
OutLookingIn's picture

Well now!

Sounds like a pretty crappy story to me! Hardly worth its weight in gold.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:52 | 1793289 jbc77
jbc77's picture

Carp = baberous relic

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:53 | 1793291 grunk
grunk's picture

First golden showers, now this.  

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:53 | 1793293 aleph0
aleph0's picture

Martin Armstrong explains how making Gold from Excrement IS possible, if you have the right conections :

http://www.davejanda.com/audio/MartinArmstrong101611.mp3

 

30 minutes

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:54 | 1793298 marcusfenix
marcusfenix's picture

turning poop into gold...by heating it up?

 the smell alone should have nixed that project but then to burn the place down in the process...

strangely metaphorical for the larger picture isn't it?

and that should just about wrap it up, humanity is defiantly doomed...

 

 

 

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:54 | 1793301 vegas
vegas's picture

Clearly, this man should somehow work for the ECB or the EU. Maybe in a moment of clarity, he can show them how to buy worthless PIIGS Sovereign debt and, if everybody just waits awhile, somehow it will be golden. After all, it's just the same pile of shit and I don't see Ollie Rehn or Trichet in jail [yet].

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:50 | 1793307 falak pema
falak pema's picture

In 1242, AL-Nafis, head physician in Cairo hospital had to deal with an extreme case of diarrhea epidemic. He stored pots of human excrement to dry hoping to use it later on as fertilizer which was a known route. Cow dung was used since donkey's years to that purpose. 

Unwittingly his assistants put some saltpetre extract next to it. Saltpetre is potassium nitrate and when somebody lit some of the dried shit heap to warm the night and diminish the pervading smell it also started to explode the satpetre. The hospital wing went up in flames. Al-Nafis was the greatest medic of his age having discovered the pulminary system and blood circulation in the heart three centuries before the europeans. 

His inadvertent discovery of saltpetre and carbon excrement, carbon wood interaction helped develop the discovery of gunpowder in arab lands, first used at the Battle of Ain Jalut in 1260 in 'hand guns'. This battle won by mamluks  stopped the Mongol invasion of Middle East and turned the tide of Hulagu's conquest of Caliphate. Tipping point moment. This guy had good antecedent of a man of superior intellect using excrement to further science, but it was not for making gold.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:57 | 1793309 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

In other comedic news, the "Similar Articles You Might Enjoy:" section is interesting, to say the least. Especially the "Early Take on Obama's Speech."

It Stinks!

http://media.onsugar.com/files/2011/04/14/2/1437/14373728/c075c829d34e28...

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 11:57 | 1793311 Mark123
Mark123's picture

Wouldn't it be funny if he was right?

 

I am off to the basement with my newspaper in hand....

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:01 | 1793330 Grand Supercycle
Grand Supercycle's picture

NASDAQ megaphone pattern on daily chart indicates big move ahead.

USD weekly chart remains bullish and as predicted for some time further dollar upside expected.

http://stockmarket618.wordpress.com

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:01 | 1793333 Puck Xue
Puck Xue's picture

Three types of table talk:

  1.  Shit

  2.  Piss

  3.  Fuck

Jump the shark time @ ZH?

Or lame effort at stuffing comments.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:25 | 1793471 Jendrzejczyk
Jendrzejczyk's picture

Phuck Yourself kettle.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 17:09 | 1794804 saulysw
saulysw's picture

Sense of humour fail.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:03 | 1793342 topcallingtroll
topcallingtroll's picture

Crap got me fired from my last job. specifically cat crap.

Thats ok. i am doing better now anyway in my own business and can tell all the crap jokes i want. i even fondled a couple of my staff so far no repercussions, but one of those fondlings turned into an fwb.

quit working for da man. be ur own boss even of a lawnmowing service. you will work every day, but you will be free, sort of. Free to tell all the crap jokes you want at least.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:04 | 1793351 Bastiat
Bastiat's picture

Goldschlager.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:05 | 1793361 Central Wanker
Central Wanker's picture

Poor guy. Nobody has explained him the difference between physical and paper gold.

http://www.treehugger.com/files/2009/01/treeless-paper-elephant-poop.php

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:05 | 1793362 ZippyBananaPants
ZippyBananaPants's picture

he was so close

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:05 | 1793364 PulauHantu29
PulauHantu29's picture

How about another impossibility...turning a house into an "investment"...

 

http://cr4re.com/charts/charts.html?Existing-Home#category=Existing-Home...

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:13 | 1793393 Cone of Uncertainty
Cone of Uncertainty's picture

So what you are telling me is that tungsten covered shit painted gold fills the Fort Knox vaults?

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:27 | 1793439 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Dupe.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:25 | 1793469 chumbawamba
chumbawamba's picture

He was attempting to create a philosopher's stone.  Seek out the Book of Aquarius.

I am Chumbawamba.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:30 | 1793501 DavosSherman
DavosSherman's picture

Ben S. Bernanke's relative.  If the moron was chairman of the Fed he'd be paid for his work, turning shit into money.

Thu, 10/20/2011 - 12:29 | 1793502 Taint Boil
Taint Boil's picture

Sure is a shitty headline ..

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