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Northern Ireland Man Thrown In Prison After Attempting To Turn Crap Into Gold
We take advantage of this brief lull in the European panic headline blasting for a comic interlude, presented without comment.
From Yahoo News:
Man jailed after trying to turn faeces into gold
A man from Northern Ireland has been jailed after an experiment in which he attempted to turn his own faeces into gold went wrong and started a fire in a block of flats.
Paul Moran will now serve three months in jail and a further 12 months on license after the failed experiment caused a fire at his Housing Executive home in Derrin Park, Enniskillen.
Moran admitted arson and endangering the lives of others in the fire, which reportedly caused over £3,000 worth of damage.
It is thought that as part of the bizarre experiment Moran left his faeces, along with other waste products such as fertiliser, on a heater.
In his ruling Judge McFarland told Moran: “Rather bizarrely you were attempting to make gold from human faeces and waste products.
“It was an interesting experiment to fulfil the alchemist’s dream, but wasn’t going to succeed.”
Moran’s barrister mentioned that his client was a man of ‘considerable intellectual ability’ but that he had problems battling drug abuse
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Crap into Tradition
Isnt this the same thing central banks have done for the past century?
Bernanke is trying the same thing with the dollar and succeding!
Along these lines, if this guy was jailed, every central bankster in the world employing Modern Money Mechanics (aka fractional reserve banking using fiat toilet paper) should be imprisoned for life...
...not for trying to turn crap into gold, but for turning what was once an economic system that produced real wealth into an Ponzi Scheme that churns out feces, and tells everyone that it the outflow has inherent value (in 1968, the financial services sector of the U.S. economy comprised 14% of the U.S. GDP while manufacturing comprised 41%, and today, those numbers are inverted).
Thrown in prison? Hell he should be invited to the next Merkozy summit, so that they learn from his mistakes.
He was working under contract to the ECB
He only set his house on fire, central banks are setting whole countries ablaze...
Bernanke's turned the dollar into crap.
Meanwhile, the CME continues to try to turn gold (and silver) into crap.
On the serious side, perhaps we have found a way to solve the Greek debt problem.
Well, if my own personal experiences after eating significant amounts of olives, feta, souvlaki, lamb and baklava are any indication, Greek "production" should be very, um, healthy.
Flaming bags of poo are always comedy gold.
Try setting your (friendly) pet skunk on a neighbor's front porch, ringing the doorbell, and then hiding behind the corner to watch their reaction upon opening their door and seeing him try to get inside their house. Now THAT was funny!
(This was done in a relatively gun-free neighborhood. I wouldn't try it where I live now.)
On that line, we here in America have been turning gold into crap since 1964.
Crap for Gold. It's been done before.
GLD, SLV
and FRN's
OWS is trying a similar effort - in the politikal sense - we'll have to wait and see if they succeed...
They?
Can we extradite him for impersonating Bernanke?
LOL! Paper into crap?? Ben the Wizard.
Err... Isn't Bernanke trying it the other way around - trying to turn the dollar into crap?
No, he's using bullshit as the starting point
No, they've been turning gold into crap.
Maybe today they have succeeded. But, not for long.
not quite. Central banks SOLD actual gold for crap (fiat). They took gold and turned it into crap.
Amazing that they should be happy to sell gold for fiat which they could just print...
Maybe he can save BofA
It is actually the other way around with the central banks. They have been turning treasure into crap.
Everytime I trade fiat for precious metal I am turning crap into gold.
Comex work
He was just one step away from figuring out the working formula :)
Yeah, but you can't eat crap. Unless you're in a German porn movie.
I'm sure SARK/MERK are heading to the mans house right now
Give that man a regional Federal Reserve Bank. Seems fit for the job. Trying to turn shit into gold and catching the whol damned place on fire. Seven figure salary for this man.
This is a twist from what the Central Banks are attempting - turning gold into crap.
You spelled Moran wrong!
http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS-2HFcJc_jWZO91i101kDqNjM4SCq94...
Fark it all!
Only Benniebux can do this, silly rabbit!
I think we turn shit into gold every time we buy bullion with the USD.
At least he is using something of value in the attempt to create gold. Shit has value as fertilizer.
The Fed / ECB start with a miniscule amount of electrons then flip it into paper and finally uses the intermediate product (dollars / euros) to purchase gold.
He just didnt use a multistep process like the Fed.
Yup. Just laughed out loud in a dead silent office.
Moran’s barrister mentioned that his client was a man of ‘considerable intellectual ability’ but that he had problems battling drug abuse
so now we know what Bernanke's been smoking...
Cheech and Chong: Labrador
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jHi-8Ykx-8
Isn't that what Goldman Sachs tries to do every nanosecond........
They did it in Jefferson County, Alabama.
Wow, I think this qualifies this man to run the ECB!
You can't eat gold; well, not twice, anyway.
Well, so long as you wash it in-between meals...
This is what Goldman does, isn't it?
That's funny shit
That shit is golden!
I would say that you can't turn shit into gold but yesterday I found out you can indeed polish a turd.
This? Someone linked this yesterday: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiJ9fy1qSFI I guess with the addition of some gold paint you could make shiny gold out of a turd...
http://americandad.wikia.com/wiki/The_Golden_Turd
that is the SHIT-HAS-HIT-THE-FAN moment for that guy
This was Benny Bubble's secret research project.
The same experiment would be done in the basement of the Eccles Building ... but the FOMC's unicorns only shit Skittles.
Wow, how is that possible? This is mind-blown thing to do that. What a dumbass!
"considerable intellectual ability" - Smart people DO dumb things!
All he needed was for it to go supernova. Then his plan would've worked.
It's so classy when Europeans spell feces with an 'a'
That's because it's runnier.
Due to eating all of the misspelled foods, of course.
What colour is your faeces?
Grey, as in Grey Poopon.
This is THE shittiest thread ever. Revoke hedgeless_horseman's picture posting rights!! (j/k sorta). This was a shitty thing to do, ya gotta admit that.
That's one of them joke turds. There's no way that came out of a human arse...
Put some jug ears and weird purple lips on it, and I would swear that it is a currently (un)popular halfrican teleprompter jockey.
I can spot some Golden flecks in that feces.
They're all yours.
Moran’s barrister mentioned that his client was a man of ‘considerable intellectual ability’
moron's barrister just got himself a job at the Fed, talking out of your ass is the golden rule
Well if he grew magic mushrooms, maybe he could of exchanged them for gold.
yids have been trying to do that for centuries.......its called shitty alchemy........
but alas nevermind. they now figured out a better way to deal with this problem. gold plated tungsten bars.......
That could solve Irelands debt problems. Probably more fruitful then what the European Central banks have been working on lately.
well if they use all of the shit in ireland to make gold with, what will they use to heat their houses?
HOLY CRAP! Almost fall of my chair!
hey don't laugh. pretty soon there will be a world wide shit shortage...........
and us with all this toilet paper......
He should of tried feces into "Black Gold"..Would of went a lot better.
no, that is incorrect. black gold is schultz schwartzer coffee at starbucks. there is no business like shoah business.
that's one funny judge
Hey he might be on to something..... Heading to the can as we speak.....
i've been turning U.S. dollars into gold.
Mon dieu! That was the IMF skunk works plan to rescue the euro!
Eau de toilette?
I was going to use BAC certificates, but that shit doesn't burn!
Get a brain MORAN!
http://s3.amazonaws.com/kym-assets/entries/icons/original/000/001/296/mo...
Ah, the curse of Noah Webster ...
Kind of like abioic oil. Now days everyone wants to be a snake-oil salesman...
I've got it!
Faith-based oil prospecting (shh...they don't know there's no other kind).
We get "the faithful" to pony up dollars to buy prospecting rights, in the name of god,
and spend the profits from any finds on corporate jets and a whole mess o' peas.
That man is full of it. Good thing it didn't work or all the gold bugs would be in a world of shit.
LUMFFO - thanks for the link ... Need laughter today, more now than ever.
Or good scotch.
Maybe he was hitting the scotch...Fecal Alcohol Syndrome?
Has some merit.....After all, many gubberments have already turned Fiat into feces.
"Moran left his faeces, along with other waste products such as fertiliser, on a heater.
"Moran’s barrister mentioned that his client was a man of ‘considerable intellectual ability’ . . ."
Compared to what?
Have you ever been to Ireland?
I could have told him it wouldn't work. Been there done that.
"considerable intellectual ability"
I'm no Einstein and certainly taken my share of drugs in the past. But never once did I ever think I could turn my shit to Gold.
He must be using really special drugs.
Maybe he's merely dyslexic and misinterpreted his advisor's advice to dump all his gold.
no differant than what bank of america does on a daily basis.
Looks like things are quite desperate in EU.
And the best part is : "Moran’s barrister mentioned that his client was a man of ‘considerable intellectual ability’."
The same can be said about almost all the past and present Nobel Pize winners in economics.
PS
May be he did not use the right shit!?
I was just thinking that he had just as much chance at making tungsten.
This is really very funny.
+rofl
Nevermind about auditing Fort Knox.
Sign him up for the Fed!
Decent article on what to expect from Silver moving forward in light of the CFTC & position limits.
http://www.commodityonline.com/news/CFTC-position-limits-and-what-it-may-do-to-raise-silver-prices-43096-3-1.html
btw, the article you linked was plagiarized from my site. I've contacted the site and the author to ask to have it removed.
Here is the original:
http://www.tfmetalsreport.com/blog/2718/silver-bull-market-2012
well that was blatant
Hearst, I read Turd Ferguson's comments yesterday on the CFTC decision; this guy is practically quoting him. Turd's version states "There are too many variables to hazard a guess". This was totally stolen from Turd.
[edit] I see Turd noticed it too.
Something about this story mandated that I check in.
Wait....you can't turn crap into gold?!
Don't blame this guy, have mercy. He lives in a world where this behavior is role modeled for him from morning till night. What is it that Goldman Sachs enticed Greece and Italy (among others) to do? What is it that excusing the banks from marking to market does? Currency swaps, operation twist, maiden lanes, derrivatives, tell me one thing about the financial system as it currently stands that is NOT an effort to turn shit into gold? Poor socialization, drunk, this guy didn't stand a chance. I urge all of you to be on the lookout for more of this from your friends and family. Just say no to crap into gold ponzi scams. Just say no to this financial system.
Collateral Bitchez
Gordon Brown is kicking himself right about now.
Caption: Why didn't I think of that.
Gordon Brown's decision to sell half of the UK's gold reserves 'cost UK £5billion'
Jailed for violation of CBI intellectual property rights ?
Fecalchemy
this explains the recent slide in au prices...i think it may have "bottomed"
Agree. Too many institutional investors expected the experiment to succeed.
Long poop?
Long Charmin.
Hot shit.
This one's almost as good....guy sending rocks to cash4gold, thier letter to him....scroll down a bit:
http://www.tfmetalsreport.com/blog/2445/knife-catcher?page=2
Hilarious.
http://www.tfmetalsreport.com/sites/default/files/users/u2/trolling-cash...
Dope. Even Judge McFarland knows you have to eat a bowl of Golden Grahams while bouncing on a plunger.
I would add , all he had to do to achieve a success of his experiment was walk to the bank, withdraw some cash and find his local bullion dealer. Same chemical equation.
The banks are doing reverse alchemy trying to change gold into crap.
Well, since this is the official toilet humor thread...
Here I sit all broken-hearted.
Tried to shit gold, but only... managed to burn down the neighborhood!
It doesn't rhyme which may be its charm. ;-)
Well now!
Sounds like a pretty crappy story to me! Hardly worth its weight in gold.
Carp = baberous relic
First golden showers, now this.
Martin Armstrong explains how making Gold from Excrement IS possible, if you have the right conections :
http://www.davejanda.com/audio/MartinArmstrong101611.mp3
30 minutes
turning poop into gold...by heating it up?
the smell alone should have nixed that project but then to burn the place down in the process...
strangely metaphorical for the larger picture isn't it?
and that should just about wrap it up, humanity is defiantly doomed...
Clearly, this man should somehow work for the ECB or the EU. Maybe in a moment of clarity, he can show them how to buy worthless PIIGS Sovereign debt and, if everybody just waits awhile, somehow it will be golden. After all, it's just the same pile of shit and I don't see Ollie Rehn or Trichet in jail [yet].
In 1242, AL-Nafis, head physician in Cairo hospital had to deal with an extreme case of diarrhea epidemic. He stored pots of human excrement to dry hoping to use it later on as fertilizer which was a known route. Cow dung was used since donkey's years to that purpose.
Unwittingly his assistants put some saltpetre extract next to it. Saltpetre is potassium nitrate and when somebody lit some of the dried shit heap to warm the night and diminish the pervading smell it also started to explode the satpetre. The hospital wing went up in flames. Al-Nafis was the greatest medic of his age having discovered the pulminary system and blood circulation in the heart three centuries before the europeans.
His inadvertent discovery of saltpetre and carbon excrement, carbon wood interaction helped develop the discovery of gunpowder in arab lands, first used at the Battle of Ain Jalut in 1260 in 'hand guns'. This battle won by mamluks stopped the Mongol invasion of Middle East and turned the tide of Hulagu's conquest of Caliphate. Tipping point moment. This guy had good antecedent of a man of superior intellect using excrement to further science, but it was not for making gold.
In other comedic news, the "Similar Articles You Might Enjoy:" section is interesting, to say the least. Especially the "Early Take on Obama's Speech."
It Stinks!
http://media.onsugar.com/files/2011/04/14/2/1437/14373728/c075c829d34e28...
Wouldn't it be funny if he was right?
I am off to the basement with my newspaper in hand....
NASDAQ megaphone pattern on daily chart indicates big move ahead.
USD weekly chart remains bullish and as predicted for some time further dollar upside expected.
http://stockmarket618.wordpress.com
Three types of table talk:
1. Shit
2. Piss
3. Fuck
Jump the shark time @ ZH?
Or lame effort at stuffing comments.
Phuck Yourself kettle.
Sense of humour fail.
Crap got me fired from my last job. specifically cat crap.
Thats ok. i am doing better now anyway in my own business and can tell all the crap jokes i want. i even fondled a couple of my staff so far no repercussions, but one of those fondlings turned into an fwb.
quit working for da man. be ur own boss even of a lawnmowing service. you will work every day, but you will be free, sort of. Free to tell all the crap jokes you want at least.
Goldschlager.
Poor guy. Nobody has explained him the difference between physical and paper gold.
http://www.treehugger.com/files/2009/01/treeless-paper-elephant-poop.php
he was so close
How about another impossibility...turning a house into an "investment"...
http://cr4re.com/charts/charts.html?Existing-Home#category=Existing-Home...
So what you are telling me is that tungsten covered shit painted gold fills the Fort Knox vaults?
Dupe.
He was attempting to create a philosopher's stone. Seek out the Book of Aquarius.
I am Chumbawamba.
Ben S. Bernanke's relative. If the moron was chairman of the Fed he'd be paid for his work, turning shit into money.
Sure is a shitty headline ..