NYSE Announces Robotic Frontrunning To Resume Tomorrow At 9:30 As Per Usual

Tyler Durden's picture

The NYSE has just announced that precisely zero vacuum tubes were inconvenienced by the biggest climatic let down since global warming.

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malikai's picture

Thank goodness! I was really worried the bots wouldn't be there to save us.

And I can assure everyone here. There are no vacuum tubes to be injured. Only wafers of silicon, aluminum, plastic, and solder to be concerned with.

BaBaBouy's picture


TO THE RESCUE: Obama takes charge at hurricane center...


In Charge Of Nothing ... Should'a stayed on Golf Vacation ...


Ahmeexnal's picture

time to wear your shorts.

when the Opening Bell (TM) rings, the markets will experience a double digit percentwise quantum leap downwards.

people will get burned in wall street casino just as they burn in the casinos in Mexico.

Oh regional Indian's picture

What makes you so sure Ahmeexnal?

But, there is a Crop circle that showed up in the UK on July 27th that hinted something would be up, just about now, with a pipe smokiing alien (Grey, by the way) to boot.

malikai's picture

A friend of mine just posted a picture on facebook of what looks like an alien spaceship in NYC during the storm. I believe they are there to reprogram the robots to cause a massive crash so that they can buy up all the assets cheap. We must all beware. They are waging full economic warfare here. Be careful.

snowball777's picture

That was no ordinary pipe smokin' alien...that was a Bob Dobbs.

malikai's picture

I'd be happy just to keep the pinks at bay.

trav7777's picture

thank god, bc I was worried there for a second

indygo55's picture

It all reminded him of W and Katrina.

LawsofPhysics's picture

LOL!  Well there is you answer.  That "hurricane" was just "horrible", guess what, the HFT bots don't care and casino operations will commence as usual.  Funny, but expected. 

10044's picture

"Opening Bell" is a trade mark?? WTF 

formadesika3's picture

Shit. I was going to use that as the title of my new blog. Is Closing Bell off limits too? How about Death Knell?

small watcher's picture

"Opening Bell" is a trademark as well, but I think you are referring to "The Opening Bell". The former is for AIQ Systems in Nevada, registration number 1661686, while the latter is for NYSE Group, Inc., registration number 3411878.

More information is available at uspto.gov, 'cuz I'm not making any of this up, honest!

LawsofPhysics's picture

What happened to that first post on the "golden opportunities".  Censorship at ZH, say it isn't so.

PaperBugsBurn's picture

Yeah, I saw that too. Guess it's just like on Wall Stree: all about the FIAT!

smlbizman's picture

since this is not the first time....i think the hedge owes us an explanation

Terminus C's picture

"the Hedge" doesn't owe you shit. They post what they want and delete what they want. If you don't like that then go somewhere else. This is a freedom of expression zone, no one 'owes' anybody anything.

And another thing... Do you pay to be on here...? Thought not.

disabledvet's picture

do you pay to be on here? "know not." now i demand...i demand...i'm thinking here...hmmmm...FREE WEATHER UPDATES.

Jack Napier's picture

It's a freedom of expression zone even though posts get deleted? Run along little Eichmann, you have disinfo to spread I'm sure. It's no surprise that ZH is censoring. TPTB know that people are watching. Controlled opposition is everywhere. They are the reason this place exists and you all are somewhat awake. If they didn't start it, someone else they can't control would have. Why do you think even Ron Paul's family are in the masonic order? You can't suppress information, but you can control who is feeding it to the masses, and give them the impression that they have a champion so they remain complacent.

buzzsaw99's picture

...will be open for business as usual...



Stochdoc's picture

Fuckin media assholes.

digalert's picture

Many bureaucrats are claiming there will be billions and billions and billions in damage. I suspect they've already got the loot spent.

You know the TOTUS, BLS and anyone else looking for a scapegoat will blame it on the weather.

Jim in MN's picture

Wheeeew!  Almost interrupted the twilight of price discovery.

cynicalskeptic's picture

 NO train service into NYC on Monday - and by the looks of things will continue to be closed until flooding abates and clean up can occur.  All parkways in Westchester are flooded and the NYS Thruway are closed.  Major flooding in NJ as well.

Nevermind that there's major flooding downtown in NYC.


But then if computers are doing most of the trading anyway.... who needs people?

BTW - if banks and brokerages are willing to pay exchange fees on millions of robotrades, why shouldn't they pay a minimal transaction tax as well.  Would go a long way towards reducing the deficit.

Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez's picture

But, Christiie Tod Whitman says that the current environment in NYC is safe!

Waterfallsparkles's picture

Could be a slow day.  Over 450,000 customers in Baltimore without power.  I only have power because of a portable generator.  Which took me 3 hours to get to work.  Hope it keeps chugging.

Cursive's picture

Could be a slow day. 

That would traditionally favor the bots and a slow motion melt-up.

disabledvet's picture

You live in Baltimore? I'm sorry to hear that.

richard in norway's picture

Does anyone know if the insurance company's can handle the massive payouts. I mean they must be hurting after the Japan quake, and as we found out in 2008 they aren't so far from the edge anyway.

goldencross10's picture

Electromagnetic pulses only thing that can kill a bot


Jovil's picture

John Exter’s inverted pyramid of assets

Check how your assets compare.

We should move Government Bonds to a less secure classification closer to credit default swaps. The idea is that things high on the pyramid are derivatives of asset classes further down the pyramid.



Carl Weetabix's picture

Despite being hyped like no tomorrow, decidedly a non-event in the places I haunt...

Money 4 Nothing's picture

Not nessesarily, I'm in Jersey and I had 4 hours of chainsawing to get me and my neighbors cleaned out. Almost lost my wife to a tree falling at our Marina right next to her. Not good, but a bit hyped over by the media agreed. Lots of rain and wind, that's about it. Storm surge was the ringer for Fire Island.


The Bad Guy. 

Natural's picture

Only zero hedge would describe a storm not killing hundreds of people and causing billions of dollars in damage as a "let down".

UGrev's picture

I think that could have been a krugmanesque sarcastic slap in the face.. 

disabledvet's picture

Well the Mayor of New York City did pretty much tell "everyone from Brooklyn better run for your lives." That didn't seem very friendly. And look! They stayed home, had sex and watched TV just like they always do and everything was JUST FINE. Is that the let-down to which you think Zero Hedge speaks? Or was it the Mayor's? Or yours? Obviously you're not from Brooklyn.

ToNYC's picture


Right on! And you can tell that comrade Irene was not a terrrrest since they couldn't find a way to give her a government paycheck.

Freewheelin Franklin's picture

It did cause billions of dollars in damage. The AC casinos were shut down for the entire weekend.

marcusfenix's picture

so, I lived through my first hurricane, to be honest I found the whole thing a bit underwhelming, lots of rain some wind but nothing near what was predicted.that's not to say I'm disappointed, cause I'm glad this was it, but after a week or so of mega hype one is left with the feeling of "that's all, where's the rest?" defiantly one of those "wasn't as bad as it could have been moments"...or it was intentionally way over hyped, though if it was to what point and purpose I'm not sure. maybe on fri when NFP shatters the last vestiges of the illusion that there is still a real, functioning economy here in the US, DC can do what they do best one last time, go full retard, point at Irene and tell the nation "it's all her fault". 

Money 4 Nothing's picture

Agreed Marcus, but the most disturbig part of MSM hype to me was .. No trading on Monday, (Bloomburg) The power may go out because of flooding in DTLM, and the uncanny prediction of the hurricane hitting Battery Park from Wednesday, I mean, who can call that? unless it was steered? I dunno?




The Bad Guy.

MrBinkeyWhat's picture

Dude, we call that hurricane drill, and trust me...it is a VERY GOOD THING. You DO NOT WANT a first class Cat 5 coming by for a visit.  Very Bad...takes years to recover.

When I hear loud wind noise I shift into a PTSD terror mode.

TWC hypes these storms because it drives up viewership (and advertising rates). The giant plus+ about Irene was that it was hitting the NE corridor, where all you city folks live. Talk about a market monster!!!

Apparently your power is back on...After Frederick in 1978 mine was off for 8 weeks. On a well, that means no water as well. It took friends with tractors & chain saws 3 days to cut a way to us. Teaches you things about yourself.

All in perspective amigo...

jmc8888's picture

The march of the transistors cannot be stopped!

Except by a specfic latency speed limit of course.


The storm was hyped by the mainstream media to make money.  All the idiots who can't read any other news correctly on a daily basis had a measuring stick against them with a storm everybody with a brain knew was going to be 'deadly' but not 'catastrophic'.

If you listened to the msm, Katrina part deux or just a little less than that was going to happen. 

They kept stressing the 'water levels'...how most people get killed by flooding.

Well yeah, but more people are killed by shoddy levies 20 feet above sea levels from their homes, that had poor upkeeping, and then were destroyed by a cat 5 monster hitting the exact wrong spot. 

Here they are warning of huge 6-8 (some areas more) foot storm surges, with no levies breaking, and basically equating the two as being in the same ballpark.  They weren't.

They were talking about how NC has never seen hurricane's like this.  BS.   They were saying how no one would remember how to prepare because it hadn't happened since like '99....c'mon.  I guess that means no one remembers Sept. 11th, since it's been almost as long.  I sure forget the reason why we gave up our rights.

This hurricane had nothing compared to Katrina.  Nothing.   It just goes to show you these are the idiots that take the news of the day and comment on them.  They couldn't see this right, what else do they read to you that's wrong?   For about 2 seconds it looked like it might turn into something fairly nasty, but never a katrina.  They were hyping this thing since it was thousands of miles from the U.S. as a tropical depression or even before.  Oh there's something forming off the west coast of Africa, watch out, Katrina part II.

So, with all that, what is wrong with the mainstream media's analytical skills in deciphering the daily news?  Maybe everything? Or just about.

Hell I was born, raised, and live in AZ, and guess what, even I seem to know more about hurricanes than the dips on tv.  That's not pro me, that's a sign of fucking sadness on them.  No way should I figure this shit out before them.   It's not like it's their jobs. It's not like they have access to sattelite data, or other resources, including 'experts'.  Seems to me these experts are just more glorified statistical modellers who get shit wrong.  Where have I seen that before? Oh yeah...wherever they predominate the debate on policy.


SmoothCoolSmoke's picture

I loved ol' Irene.  Spent all weekend on the front porch (50' x 12') listening to the rain on the tin roof, smoking excellent tobacco (cigar and pipe) with sipping quality booze.  Had the wife twice......  nailed her once....then she took charge and banged me  good another time.

All and all....nice weekend. 

Sambo's picture

Should the next hurricane to come from east Atlantic be called "Afrodisiac"?

Sambo's picture

.....precisely zero vacuum tubes were inconvenienced by the biggest climatic let down since global warming.


Tyler's headlines are really funny, yet thought provoking.

PulauHantu29's picture

Reminds me of the Swine Flu hysteria. However, it gave the drug companies billions of $$$$ from scared people getting every vaccine, OTC flu med, etc ever manufactured. Well, I guess the drug corporations had to clear out their old inventory.