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"NYSE Is Currently Unavailable For Trading"

Tyler Durden's picture


It seems that "imminent" NYSE fix is a little delayed... Luckily, for now, nobody has come up with a high frequency way to front run navel gazing and thumb twirling.


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Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:21 | 1589788 Earl of Chiswick
Earl of Chiswick's picture


BAC being attacked by the shorts - they will fail

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:27 | 1589826 LongBalls
LongBalls's picture

Chicken Sh!T$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:32 | 1589864 flacon
flacon's picture

My NYSE stocks are trading.... 09:32am...

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:33 | 1589869 augie
augie's picture

PC Load letter?! WTF DOES THAT MEAN!?!

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 10:56 | 1590275 Bananamerican
Bananamerican's picture

you don't wanna open the "load letter"....

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:34 | 1589872 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

I wonder at what price level they'll need a Tarp shot :)

My prediction of 40 cents for BAC is getting a lot closer these days :)


Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:39 | 1589895 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Fair value for BAC $2. 

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:46 | 1589938 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

hahahahaha :)

4 cents in dividends per year. I only buy banks with a 10% div. So 40 cents is what I would pay for it.

And in todays environment, I might even expect a 15% return to cover a bit of the risk.

I don't buy that "future earnings" crap AT ALL!

They still need to write down all that Real estate crap on their books and I don't even talk about all the other worthless crap they own.


Tue, 08/23/2011 - 10:10 | 1590055 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture




Markets are broken.

This is the most unstable time in the history of markets - well - ever.

Good job Bernank. Great job, Jeeeetner. Awesome work, Dudley & Sack.

You're doing a heckuva job, New York Branch of the Federal Reserve.


Keep up the great work.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 10:27 | 1590149 vocational tainee
vocational tainee's picture

BAC plus DC equals banking art center drama club...

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:39 | 1589892 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

BAC going to break $6 in T-minus 1 minute. 

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:52 | 1589972 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Fuck me, it's 9:50am and we are rallying.  Totally oblivious of the 10am news drops. 

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:21 | 1589790 Gibu The Great
Gibu The Great's picture

Bullish for stocks

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:32 | 1589861 MFL8240
MFL8240's picture

Where will the future growth come from?  The confetti machine??

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:35 | 1589875 Gibu The Great
Gibu The Great's picture

My guess would be something involving Kim Kardashian.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 10:09 | 1590051 snowball777
snowball777's picture

I know we're at peak oil and all, but a return to whale oil seems very unlikely.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 11:05 | 1590314 Carmagnole
Carmagnole's picture

bullish on snake oil?

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:22 | 1589791 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

This might be a little bit of a problem. Could someone grab the crash cart and some oxygen please?


Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:30 | 1589851 Cdad
Cdad's picture

LOL!  All I can hear is Steve Grasso talking about the valuable liquidity that human specialists provide...and how superior they are.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 10:11 | 1590059 snowball777
snowball777's picture

Could someone grab the liquid oxygen and a match? Stat!

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:21 | 1589792 alexwest
alexwest's picture

i know

nyse cant process huge buying orders from FEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDSSSSSSSSss



Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:30 | 1589850 pods
pods's picture

It could not handle the surge when the FED clicked "Buy All."

"Are you sure you want to Buy All? Click yes to continue."

Bet you there is a Banzai in there somewhere.


Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:22 | 1589793 The Shootist
The Shootist's picture

At least zero hedge isn't crashing -jk...

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:22 | 1589797 ZippyDooDah
ZippyDooDah's picture

What's that smell? lol

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:30 | 1589849 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture

It's the unmistakable stench of Red Bull induced OCD vomitus.  Pit traders go through withdrawal 9 minutes after the opening bell if they don't have trade tickets in their espresso-stained paws.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:23 | 1589799 magpie
magpie's picture

This is not the market you are looking for.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:24 | 1589811 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture

...move along.  (waves hand)

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 10:42 | 1590221 Mesquite
Mesquite's picture

Ahhh ..'Change you can believe in...' Smirk..

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:33 | 1589866 Idiocracy
Idiocracy's picture

Midtown Manhattan. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:23 | 1589802 Syrin
Syrin's picture

Latest Chinese cyber attack, eh?

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:23 | 1589803 hackerinspace
hackerinspace's picture

did the 40-day banking holiday start early?

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:23 | 1589804 kito
kito's picture

what!!!!!!!!!!!!! on a day when the stocks are set to soar to new heights!!!!!!!! nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:23 | 1589805 bigdumbnugly
bigdumbnugly's picture

maybe they'll start trading lint and nail clippings to keep sharp in the meantime then.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:23 | 1589807 Dapper Dan
Dapper Dan's picture

It is a little early for pop corn and Jim Beam but what the hell, I'll be back in a jiffy....

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:29 | 1589831 cowdiddly
cowdiddly's picture

I thought I was the only one living on cornbread and whiskey. Survival foods that stood the test of time. LOL

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:24 | 1589808 IMA5U
IMA5U's picture

good for the bulls


it will help the market lift higher at the open

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:24 | 1589810 Stumpy
Stumpy's picture

OK, I know a lot is happening lately, but could this just be a "regular" system crash? I mean those systems are not perfect. And again, I'm not being naive, I'm just an IT guy that know that things can go wrong.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:26 | 1589825 Dreadker
Dreadker's picture

I'm an IT guy too... and things don't go this wrong this often with such a level of 'convenience'...

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:29 | 1589840 Stumpy
Stumpy's picture

Yes, you're maybe right. All those 9999999 in uptime are begining to look like 666666.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 10:16 | 1590080 sailfrog
sailfrog's picture

What is convinient about having downtime and losing money? And for what purpose? NYSE listed stocks trade on dozens of other market centers that are not down.

I'm all for crazy conspiricy theory (this is ZH after all) but the idea that any US equities market center would be down on purpose simply does not make reasonable sense.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 20:31 | 1592797 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

They had to replace the condenser under the distributor cap and re-time the ignition...

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:27 | 1589830 Arius
Arius's picture

problem is with timing .... hopefully, nothing important and we all will be okay ... at the end we always will make it!  i am a firm believer on the power and intellengence of machines and people

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:29 | 1589842 SMG
SMG's picture

Yeah, you may be right.  It's just that when you have a privledged Oligarchy who constantly lies for it's benefit, you're always left to wonder if anything like this is an innocent or something staged for their benefit.  It would be much better if we got rid of the Oligarchy and wouldn't have to wonder all the time like this.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:32 | 1589863 Stumpy
Stumpy's picture

Its the perfect situation for speculation. Everybody seems to have an opinion or have heard something on some website. Few people says: "I just don't fucking know".

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:31 | 1589854 DOT
DOT's picture

The IT consultant put the QE3 pipline into production too soon.


Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:33 | 1589867 Stumpy
Stumpy's picture

Or a new IPO that we don't know of is named "DROP table Equities"

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 10:23 | 1590120 sailfrog
sailfrog's picture


"Oh yes, little Bobby tables, we call him"

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:25 | 1589814 mynhair
mynhair's picture

Did this cause the raid on Au?  Boredom from the algos?

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:25 | 1589815 gimli
gimli's picture

can I still put in an order for a double cheeseburger, fries and a medium chocolate shake?

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:27 | 1589828 Dreadker
Dreadker's picture

Yep - Tim Geithner will handle that for you at the drive through ;-)

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:25 | 1589816 PulauHantu29
PulauHantu29's picture

Maybe so, but the gold dealers are still open......

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:25 | 1589818 Aductor
Aductor's picture

This is the Bernank's last card. If markets don't open, then stocks will not fall. Wealth effect!

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:26 | 1589821 zorba THE GREEK
zorba THE GREEK's picture

And the plot thickens.....

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:26 | 1589823 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture

Sets up the pit traders for a giant game of Red Rover.

"Niners caps to the left...Raiders to the right."

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:26 | 1589824 the not so migh...
the not so mighty maximiza's picture

all sellers are being takin out back and shot, we will be back shortly


Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:29 | 1589839 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture


Tue, 08/23/2011 - 10:30 | 1590166 ZeroHour
ZeroHour's picture

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:28 | 1589833 bam_son
bam_son's picture


NYSE is once again available for trading.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:28 | 1589836 Kokulakai
Kokulakai's picture

It's all smashed up mon.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:29 | 1589838 caerus
caerus's picture

ib says its back

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:29 | 1589843 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

I want my momo back momo back momo back.....

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:29 | 1589844 ArkansasAngie
ArkansasAngie's picture

Nothing that a little reset won't fix.

Of course ... I have yanked the cord a few times in case of emergency.


Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:30 | 1589846 The Shootist
The Shootist's picture

I'm contemplating turning cnbc on, should I?

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:30 | 1589847 BlackholeDivestment
BlackholeDivestment's picture

...interesting day, 5.5 quakes in Colorado and a broken market, rumors of QE3 coming out of Jackson Hole, Moammar tripping in Tripoli ...and the Grease Devil is on the loose. lol

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:43 | 1589926 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Theres rumors of QE3 coming out of JH? Why would that be, the markets are fine, +100 tear on every open, no problems at all.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:30 | 1589848 Balmyone
Balmyone's picture

Will this market just crash already.  At least lets see a couple more Proton Banks.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:30 | 1589852 zorba THE GREEK
zorba THE GREEK's picture

Market opens , stocks sink, and gold goes up. Who would have thought?

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:31 | 1589853 Mitzibitzi
Mitzibitzi's picture

You know, I'm starting to wonder if we're seeing part of a false flag act of cyber terrorism? Just a wild speculation, but...

1) BBC Radio 1 were interviewing an RAF computer systems security guy yesterday, for no apparent reason.

2) The BBC Market Watch page has a sidebar article about "the algorythms that run our world" currently.

3) The internet and cellphone networks have been acting weird in the UK for a couple of days now.

and now this 'technical fault'


Probably just me being paranoid, but I'm seeing a kinda theme here recently....

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:31 | 1589855 Kokulakai
Kokulakai's picture

Glitchez Bitchez 

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:31 | 1589858 Josh Randall
Josh Randall's picture

The man at the switch must be taking his morning shattner break

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:33 | 1589865 LookingWithAmazement
LookingWithAmazement's picture

Gold down.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:43 | 1589920 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

do you expect it to go up every day? :)


Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:51 | 1589961 LookingWithAmazement
LookingWithAmazement's picture

Indeed, following all the doomers.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:49 | 1589956 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture

Gold down, dollar down, NYSE down.  Where's the money flowing this morn?  Everyone sitting on cash for a mid-day BBQ?

I think this makes for an interesting afternoon...

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:51 | 1589963 LookingWithAmazement
LookingWithAmazement's picture

If anyone wanted cash, dollar would rise.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:34 | 1589873 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

It's the Sun. A CME. No no, it's the moon, PM's to the moon that is. 

BUt it's only Tuesday. Sure, as good a day as any to destroy markets, CONfidence et. al. Fridays are so yesterday.

Can I eat Stox? Nope, only swallow them after dipping them in sauce.

Ahhhh, like that. the DTCC spicey, hot and sour one? Hmmmmmm.......


Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:35 | 1589878 Stumpy
Stumpy's picture

Do not name your company "DROP table Equities" god dammit!

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:41 | 1589906 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture

SQL humor. Funny +1

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:43 | 1589922 Stumpy
Stumpy's picture

Do you know Bobby Tables?

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 11:55 | 1590516 Spastica Rex
Spastica Rex's picture


Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:52 | 1589968 DCFusor
DCFusor's picture

Error: Malformed SQL, semicolon or continuation line required to complete statement.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 10:14 | 1590068 Stumpy
Stumpy's picture

Thanks mister parser. I'll remember that for my next IPO.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:36 | 1589879 The Shootist
The Shootist's picture

BAC down smartly.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:38 | 1589889 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture

+1 Best use of an adverb.



Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:41 | 1589907 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

Operation "rope a dope." watch out all u shorties. Da Ice Man cometh...and he's loaded down with Tasty Freeze.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:42 | 1589918 DefiantSurf
DefiantSurf's picture

in case of emergency pull Cat5 cable


Tue, 08/23/2011 - 09:51 | 1589964 mess nonster
mess nonster's picture

Ex PFC Wintergreen casually clicked another e-cig. As he inhaled the mysterious, smokeless vapor contained in the tiny cylinder, he pondered what he would do that day. Hmmm.... his eyes gazed into space as he sat in his tiny cubicle in the basement of the BankAmerica building. Just inches from his face was a cinder-block wall, painted light gray, and showing little tracks of precipitate from the mortar, as the dampness tried to seep through.

Ex PFC Wintergreen's computer screen flickered, and he glanced over towards it- the only hint of expression was an almost imperceptible twitch at the corner of his mouth, perhaps ironic, perhaps sad. He continued to stare ahead at the wall, but his hand crept towards the keyboard- a couple of clicks, and there it was- the fate of the mighty edifice that sat above him, like some dyspeptic leviathon, was sealed. Now, there was nothing to do but wait...

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 10:01 | 1590014 SRV - ES339
SRV - ES339's picture

Gold & Silver down (check out the 3:00am volume spike), stocks on the brink, USD up... oh what's this, billions of bonds up for aution next three days.... hmmmmmmm, another day in Wonderland!

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 10:06 | 1590042 cocoablini
cocoablini's picture

Why is the entire NYSE down- just stop sales on Bank America- which is doing the turd in the punchbowl routine again.
Market would be down huge without intervention and this sort of thing. Bid ask is ridiculous- if one could ask in theis market.

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 11:54 | 1590513 jasebishop
jasebishop's picture

I think it says it in the hat

Tue, 08/23/2011 - 12:38 | 1590686 jack stephan
jack stephan's picture

Wanting people to listen, you can't just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you'll notice you've got their strict attention.

good morning vietnam!

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