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Obama Address To The G-20: Live Webcast

Tyler Durden's picture


As we are about to bring you this episode of the Teleprompter Lampoon's Cannes Vacation, will the market plunge or merely collapse? Stay tuned to find out.


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Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:18 | 1844993 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Le barf bags ready, ladies and gents. 

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:46 | 1845149 Chief KnocAHoma
Chief KnocAHoma's picture



Once again our mole in the White House was able to eaves drop on a private conversation in the Oval Office. This meeting was a campaign strategy session involving David Axelrod, Valerie Jarrett and Obama.


Axelrod: Mr President I think we need to formulate a strategy for each possible Republican candidate.


Obama: (Dressed in golf clothes he is practicing his putting on a rug over the Presidential Seal.) How long is this golfing ban in effect David?


Jarrett: Until after the election sir.


Axelrod: Okay I think the most likely nominee is Romney. How do we combat him?


Jarrett: Easy... brand his supporters as republican, blue blood, elitist racist.


Axelrod: Okay. What about Perry?


Jarrett: Red neck, backwards, oil tycoon racist.


Axelrod: Gingrich?


Jared: Unethical racist.


Axelrod: Okay what about Cain?


(Silence as all three look at each other.)


Obama: Well he is black and we could sell my positive aspects.


Axelrod: I'm not sure I understand?


Obama: You fool. I'm half white.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:56 | 1845190 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

Is it just me or does it sound like he is being 'prompted".

His errr..errr..... timing, the closing of the eyes to listen hard....

Totally freaky watching him speak.

And of course, did the G20 mention Libya? I thought not. Tch.



Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:01 | 1845219 therearetoomany...
therearetoomanyidiots's picture

He's such a brilliant orator. 


Geezuz, who made up that one?

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 12:12 | 1845443 earleflorida
earleflorida's picture

another 'msm' fallacy for today's illiterate english majors to unscramble, if when, and ever, any  trade-up for real journalism   

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:10 | 1845229 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Obama: "Europe is committed to standing behind the euro. The details will have to be worked out."


Yeah. Funny how that works. The devil is always in the details. The devil is always in the details especially when Europe will necessarily (by a basic function of math - i.e. money printing) be pledging to commit hyperinflationary seppuku if they really intend on "saving" the euro.


Obama: "The stock market is 3,000 points higher than when I took office."


Yes, and it's in a verified bear market, and if you're counting on equity market stabilization, let alone a surge, to save your re-election, a) you don't understand politics, and b) you don't have a single clue of any basic matter as to how fundamentally broken the stock "market" is nor how volatility is going to destroy your assumptions. In fact, in 'real' terms, the equity markets are where they were in approximately 1984. I wish the best of luck to those playing the Wall Street Craps table, whether speculators or 401(k) bagholders, because they're going to need every bit of luck they can muster as our Japanification takes place and Nikkei 2.0 cometh.


Obama:  "Italy is a wealthy country blah blah blah."


Riiiight. Italy is a basket case that literally - literally - can never service its debt payments, let alone pay its debt back unless the EU (including Germany) agree to commit hyperinflationary seppuku via the ECB implementing the Bernanke-but-this-time-to-infinity-and-beyond plan.

If you like Italy, you'll love Spain, then France, which are on deck.


Good luck, TOTUS.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:42 | 1845343 chaartist
chaartist's picture

why I cant rate up your comments on all threads?!!

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 13:16 | 1845738 CPL
CPL's picture

You have to have joined longer than "x"


Too many JPM/GS/CNBC pole swallowers were on here spamming the place.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 14:53 | 1846222 Gief Gold Plox
Gief Gold Plox's picture

Incorrect CPL. There is a bug, that prevents rating of comments which start with Italics. That's all.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:02 | 1845230 Surly Bear
Surly Bear's picture

O(h), he is going to address the 'free' world...I feel more prosperous already.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:03 | 1845231 John Bigboote
John Bigboote's picture

The US media will of course not point this out in any way.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:31 | 1845298 tarsubil
tarsubil's picture

Did he just say 'con'? That's french from cunt.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:46 | 1845152 Sudden Debt
Sudden Debt's picture

ssssSSStt! I'm can't hear him!

did he say somthing like: It's because........ and they.... their fault.... Bush.... Not Me.... Hope, Change, YES WE CAN!

pppfff.... stupid life streams, my internet connection at work sucks to much to follow....

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:51 | 1845174 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Not Off Topic at all -

I ponder what JPM's real exposure to the EU debtapocalypse is. It's an interesting question that grows more interesting as the days pass and the EU's crisis reveals itself as the genuine crisis that it is to even the formerly naive.

Guest Post: Jamie Dimon's Shameful Spouting

TruthInSunshine  Thu, 09/29/2011 - 14:47

Jamie Dimon is a financial terrorist.

Some may say that's hyperbole, but an accurate and methodical analysis of what he and his brethren on Wall Street and in investment banking actually did can lead to no other conclusion that he and they were in large part, although not exclusively (The Federal Reserve, Congress, President, and government regulatory agencies and GSEs share the blame), directly responsible for imploding the global economy, and that what Dimon, his minions and his cohorts did was done intentionally, with full knowledge beforehand that they would profit from it, because they (stealthily) positioned to take financial advantage of the imposion, after rigging the system with explosives.


Jamie Dimon Comfortable w/Europe Exposure - Video Interview


That's fantastic. So if (when) JP Morgan gets whacked due to events in Europe, Jamie Dimon will not request or receive any government, taxpayer bailout teat, and in fact, Dimon will pledge that JPM won't accept any government support. /sarc/

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:57 | 1845199 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture


The stock market was down when I got into office 3,000 points from where it is now, so.....

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:07 | 1845251 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture


When I entered office, the economy had contracted by 9%.  Now it is growing by 4%.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 13:41 | 1845880 francis_the_won...
francis_the_wonder_hamster's picture

Yeah, I heard him say that this morning.  Under what new measurement is our economy growing at 4%?  Even the Fed lowered expectations to half of that this week. 

Oh, wait.....I think I know.....maybe it was a freudian tele-slip and he was thinking 4% inflation = 4% growth.....heck, with that type of logic Bernanke can probably assure us that we'll never see negative growth again......or maybe not.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:47 | 1845156 SilverRhino
SilverRhino's picture

Some singers' voices shatter glasses

Obama's voice shatters markets. 

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:48 | 1845161 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

His tie is crooked just like HeliBens'!  It is the sign!  God help us!

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:19 | 1844994 Sqworl
Sqworl's picture

+ infinity..LMAO

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:19 | 1844995 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

Shot for every time you hear 'significant progress'

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:20 | 1845005 SeverinSlade
SeverinSlade's picture

We're all going to be drunk 5 minutes into the speech and dead by the end of it.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:24 | 1845025 Gohn Galt
Gohn Galt's picture

Okay I'm in, I got my Jameson's.  What are the rules?

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:27 | 1845052 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

If he says "China must" then you have to empty your bottle immediately and buy Greek bonds.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:45 | 1845348 GoinFawr
GoinFawr's picture

GG and GM, thanks for the laugh.

With no offense aimed at the Dork from Cork: GG, Northern waters stand stronger, try a Bushmills.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:31 | 1845075 Dealer
Dealer's picture

If you hear "win the future", thats three shots.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:26 | 1845046 caerus
caerus's picture

shot for every pensive pause followed by an "uh" sound

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:28 | 1845059 SeverinSlade
SeverinSlade's picture

Zero to dead in 60 seconds.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:53 | 1845180 Gohn Galt
Gohn Galt's picture

I'm throwing in the towel, I can't keep up.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:20 | 1844999 SeverinSlade
SeverinSlade's picture

Has there been a day where Obumma opening his mouth actually led to a market rally?

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:22 | 1845019 Vergeltung
Vergeltung's picture

not that I can recall.................


Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:20 | 1845003 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Maybe the algos can get a minus 3% day out of this. 

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:25 | 1845036 Carlyle Groupie
Carlyle Groupie's picture

When Obummer speaks markets fall.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:20 | 1845004 catacl1sm
catacl1sm's picture

Late, as usual.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:22 | 1845017 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

He got stuck with Michelle at the Hermes and Chanel shops.  Will be another 30 minutes late.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:23 | 1845021 SeverinSlade
SeverinSlade's picture

He's waiting for the script to be loaded into the teleprompter.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:40 | 1845122 bdc63
bdc63's picture

Wouldn't you just LOVE to hack into the teleprompter and enter your own speech? .... wonder how long it would take him to notice ...

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:46 | 1845154 equity_momo
equity_momo's picture

I bet he is no different to ron burgundy.
You could get him to read any old shit.

"go fuck yourself 99ers"

Thats the moneyshot sign off.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:30 | 1845068 catacl1sm
catacl1sm's picture

gah. Someone junked me for the truf?

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:42 | 1845131 TeamDepends
TeamDepends's picture

They are paid to do it so go easy on them.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:40 | 1845120 DOT
DOT's picture

" Late" is now "staying power", get with the program !

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:21 | 1845007 Mercury
Mercury's picture

Look kids: a sovereign default...

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:24 | 1845033 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

and another and another and another and another and another and another and another and another and another and another and another

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:34 | 1845082 Mercury
Mercury's picture

Yeah, and we're the kids in the car:


Look!  national insolvency….a meeting of politicians…meaningless bluster…

Kids! national insolvency….a meeting of politicians…meaningless bluster…


   ----We knoooowwww.....

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:22 | 1845011 Vergeltung
Vergeltung's picture

does anyone really want to hear from Teleprompter Jesus? I mean, really? I think I'd rather volunteer for a week of work at the kid-party at ChuckECheeses.


Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:22 | 1845013 Whoa Dammit
Whoa Dammit's picture

I want to watch the CNN version that is live from Cannes, Spain. :-).

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:23 | 1845020 YesWeKahn
YesWeKahn's picture

Why you chose this picture of Obama? His worst.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:55 | 1845380 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Do you always answer your own questions?

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:23 | 1845024 Peter K
Peter K's picture

Snap caption contest: The Bamster is saying " I'm the what of the US?"

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:24 | 1845029 comfortablynumb
comfortablynumb's picture

"Teleprompter Lampoon's Cannes Vacation"


Tyler(s) we really need to hang out, I almost shit myself.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:02 | 1845225 Melin
Melin's picture

I didn't almost poop but a loud cackle did erupt.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:25 | 1845035 djsmps
djsmps's picture

Balanced approach.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:25 | 1845037 zilverreiger
zilverreiger's picture

timezone problems?

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:30 | 1845069 SeverinSlade
SeverinSlade's picture

There must be a 30 minute delay.  That's the only way to explain him being late.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:37 | 1845106 g speed
g speed's picture

he keeps pissing himself out of fear-- has to change his slacks--lol

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:27 | 1845051 Theta_Burn
Theta_Burn's picture

Guys, maybe we should cut a bit of slack to these poor bastards, privlage, great food, cool meeting locations aside, the poor political class these days have worked harder than at any time before....


Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:05 | 1845243 Theta_Burn
Theta_Burn's picture

You see? Obama just stated that the market is a good 3000pts higher than when he took office...take notice EuroCrats this is how its done.

Don't let Charters, legalities, fear of lynchings get in your way, or the need to rack up a couple trillion in debt to acheive this, focus on the positives...

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:31 | 1845071 Tucson Tom
Tucson Tom's picture

" and here is the next verse that`s worse than the first verse,so waltz me around again Bammy!"

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:31 | 1845076 sabra1
sabra1's picture

always watch the hands of these puppet bastards! the hand sign for "i love you" is the same for the devil they all worship! pinky and forefinger extended. even michelle is good with her hands! 

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:33 | 1845078 mfoste1
mfoste1's picture

i wonder if hes gonna use his white voice? yea come to think of it he probably will because there are no disenfranchised black voters whom he needs to cater to in france

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:34 | 1845086 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture


Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:36 | 1845321 DOT
DOT's picture

Bragging about the African Campaign.

WB, how did you know ahead of time ? !

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 12:38 | 1845565 Dkizzle49855
Dkizzle49855's picture

WB7, you are killing me.  I scrolled down to see the entire image and I couldn't contain my laugher.  My bad.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:34 | 1845087 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

"Before we get started I got a coupla shout outs to all my boyz ... "

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:37 | 1845104 mfoste1
mfoste1's picture

his "boyz" consist of the upper echelon at GS....

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:34 | 1845088 srsly-wtf
srsly-wtf's picture

They are trying to pry Merkel's hands from GPap's throat....

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:35 | 1845096 g speed
g speed's picture

That picture of obummer reminds me of what a goofy fuck he really is--history will judge this jerk, not kindly

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:38 | 1845112 SeverinSlade
SeverinSlade's picture

I think not.

Those who win the war write the history.

The NWO's re-education camps will remember Obumma as the fearless leader that liberated Americans from their national soverignty.  The depression that began in 2008 wasn't a depression and if you think it was, you're a crazy conspiracy theorist that needs to be re-educated or sent to a FEMA camp.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:41 | 1845125 Manipulism
Manipulism's picture

Talk about fuck-Obummer?

See this:

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:37 | 1845105 BurningFuld
BurningFuld's picture

He's trying to talk Netanyahu out of bombing Iran. 10 more minutes please.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:39 | 1845115 f16hoser
f16hoser's picture

I think it's time to call a Spade a Spade. This Spade can't fix shit. And that's a fact!


Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:40 | 1845117 the 300000000th...
the 300000000th percent's picture

Its still maybe a little too early to give a little preview of their lastest Iranian adventurism campaign to the American public, he got to manipulate the economy first to get re elected, then its on with Iran.


Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:43 | 1845138 DOT
DOT's picture

Open another bottle !

Progress !

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:44 | 1845141 Comay Mierda
Comay Mierda's picture

someone needs to hack his teleprompter and randomly insert "I resign"

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:44 | 1845142 TooRichtoCare
TooRichtoCare's picture

I wish he would learn how to say Cannes like "kicking the CAN" rather than the way he pronounces it , like James Caan...

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:45 | 1845145 ReallySparky
ReallySparky's picture

Oh please, the American Exceptionalism right after his freaking buddy Corzine BK's MF.  Good Grief.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:45 | 1845147 bdc63
bdc63's picture

"none of that was easy but it put us on a better footing to rescue the global economy" ... are you fucking kidding me?!!!!!

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:46 | 1845148 Benzass Miphist
Benzass Miphist's picture

Did he say "incredible fireball"?

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:46 | 1845153 DOT
DOT's picture

"make no mistake"

"Tools have been identified".... Oh yeah.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:59 | 1845396 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

You can spot them by their ties and various pins on their lapels.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:47 | 1845158 NOTW777
NOTW777's picture

progress progress progress

sounds wonderful

save the climate

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:47 | 1845159 gwar5
gwar5's picture

Teleprompter Dog never disappoints. Wherever there is a teleprompter he will show up.


Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:48 | 1845164 caerus
caerus's picture

"monitoring program" eh? well italy's fucked

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:48 | 1845165 f16hoser
f16hoser's picture




Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:49 | 1845168 bdc63
bdc63's picture

The Moron-in-Chief is taking question?  OMG.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:51 | 1845169 f16hoser
f16hoser's picture

Canned speech followed by canned questions from canned screened reporters. Same-O same-O from the Dumb-O, Obam-O. OH-MY-O!

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:49 | 1845171 NOTW777
NOTW777's picture

lol "american jobs (union) act"

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:52 | 1845175 CaptA
CaptA's picture

If he's in France - why is he only calling on American reporters? Oh yeah, I know the answer to that one.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:53 | 1845181 gwar5
gwar5's picture

Wherever there is a teleprompter, Teleprompter Dog shows up.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:53 | 1845182 DOT
DOT's picture

Can't have fuckin' Democracy in Greece dammit !

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:54 | 1845187 Silver Dreamer
Silver Dreamer's picture

Uh, uh, uh... uh, I think, uh, I'm going to, uh, be, uh... sick.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:55 | 1845189 bdc63
bdc63's picture

really nice of him to hold this news conference ... I'm sure he's hoping to at least 9 holes in before dark ...

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:55 | 1845191 undercover brother
undercover brother's picture

everything this guy does is the result of polling.  he should be looking to do the right thing regardless of what it does to the stock market. 

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:56 | 1845194 Mitzibitzi
Mitzibitzi's picture

Got to love the slogan on the flag at the back. New World, New Ideas.

New Wold Order?

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 10:57 | 1845195 ReallySparky
ReallySparky's picture

I liked how he took out a piece of paper from his jacket right before taking questions.  Must have been the list of approved reporters, and practiced answers.  I wish just one of the approved would break ranks and ask a "real" question.  One can dream.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:00 | 1845215 Peter K
Peter K's picture

The Bamster talking up Euroland and the Euro. What could go wrong?

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:04 | 1845238 therearetoomany...
therearetoomanyidiots's picture

Geezuz Chryssed....this guy is a complete buffoon.  Here he goes, he's on a stump speech.   WTF?


This guy, the democrats too, are bereft of any ideas.   Sh*t, pulling out that damned jobs bill.  Shove it, Oblunder.


How about the 15 house bills being held by Harry Reid on the senate floor.  

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:06 | 1845249 TooRichtoCare
TooRichtoCare's picture

I wish someone would ask him "Mr President, do you see this event as you should be seeing it, in other words, do you realise that this is a preview of the firestorm that the US will have to endure once the bond vigilantes & deficit vigilantes tire of beating up on Europe and shift their canons onto your turf? Are you trying to forge strong friendships with IMF officials with the knowledge that you'll soon be calling on them, cup in hand?"

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:06 | 1845252 pepperspray
pepperspray's picture


Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:08 | 1845256 Taffy Lewis
Taffy Lewis's picture

Another synonym:

"Growing our economy" = printing money

The economy has grown each year he's been in office? What a lying sack of shit.


Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:28 | 1845290 wisefool
wisefool's picture

He gets it honest. Do you remember when clinton had surpluses cause everybody was levering up on spec houses that no-one actually lives in? And Bush spending a couple trillion on wars?

What is next after money printing?  or do we cycle back to levering up on the money we just printed? and what do we lever up on?

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:13 | 1845261 web bot
web bot's picture

I'm really, really, really getting tired listening to this guy talk.

He's a blaring example of how uncommom common sense really is. If he would have had any sense when he got into power in the middle of the crisis, he would have put together a bill to address the problems at hand. Instead, he opened the process up to basically every sort of liberal, money grubbing desire to infect his stimulas plan, as opposed to sticking with fixing what needed to get fixed.

Is it little wonder Republicans can't stand the man?

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:22 | 1845265 NOTW777
NOTW777's picture

this ceremony better than SNL



Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:22 | 1845271 the 300000000th...
the 300000000th percent's picture

I think we could all use some uplifting music after that speech

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:27 | 1845283 optimator
optimator's picture

TRANSLATION:  One more time, who paid with Reichsmarks in the commisary?

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:32 | 1845304 Taffy Lewis
Taffy Lewis's picture

I think I'm going to get sick. Every time I see his face now, I think of Michelle's fat ass lard butt.


Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:35 | 1845318 Taterboy
Taterboy's picture

Is she in France telling the French that wide belts are a great fashion statement for fat girls?

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:33 | 1845309 optimator
optimator's picture

There will be no more wars, just one big love in.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:37 | 1845324 Dr. Nancy
Dr. Nancy's picture


All that's happening is predictable, as there are 7 stages that any major economy goes through. Those who know how it works profit & massive wealth is transferred to them. Several months ago I learned this information from a millionaire whose site I found & am sharing it with everyone I know.

You can see how you too can profit like the ultra-rich during these uncertain times.

His free video

"How To Create Incredible Wealth in Today's Economic Crisis"

is at:

Hope this info helps everyone as much as it has me.

Dr. Nancy


Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:39 | 1845333 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Le Dickhead

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:39 | 1845334 DOT
DOT's picture

They applaud because he finally shut-up.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:42 | 1845346 urbanelf
urbanelf's picture

Kick the Cannes down the road.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 11:42 | 1845349 web bot
web bot's picture

Wow... that felt good...

Now back to reality.

Fri, 11/04/2011 - 14:33 | 1846152 silber2012
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