Obama Address To The G-20: Live Webcast

Tyler Durden's picture

As we are about to bring you this episode of the Teleprompter Lampoon's Cannes Vacation, will the market plunge or merely collapse? Stay tuned to find out.

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slaughterer's picture

Le barf bags ready, ladies and gents. 

Chief KnocAHoma's picture



Once again our mole in the White House was able to eaves drop on a private conversation in the Oval Office. This meeting was a campaign strategy session involving David Axelrod, Valerie Jarrett and Obama.


Axelrod: Mr President I think we need to formulate a strategy for each possible Republican candidate.


Obama: (Dressed in golf clothes he is practicing his putting on a rug over the Presidential Seal.) How long is this golfing ban in effect David?


Jarrett: Until after the election sir.


Axelrod: Okay I think the most likely nominee is Romney. How do we combat him?


Jarrett: Easy... brand his supporters as republican, blue blood, elitist racist.


Axelrod: Okay. What about Perry?


Jarrett: Red neck, backwards, oil tycoon racist.


Axelrod: Gingrich?


Jared: Unethical racist.


Axelrod: Okay what about Cain?


(Silence as all three look at each other.)


Obama: Well he is black and we could sell my positive aspects.


Axelrod: I'm not sure I understand?


Obama: You fool. I'm half white.

Oh regional Indian's picture

Is it just me or does it sound like he is being 'prompted".

His errr..errr..... timing, the closing of the eyes to listen hard....

Totally freaky watching him speak.

And of course, did the G20 mention Libya? I thought not. Tch.



therearetoomanyidiots's picture

He's such a brilliant orator. 


Geezuz, who made up that one?

earleflorida's picture

another 'msm' fallacy for today's illiterate english majors to unscramble, if when, and ever, any  trade-up for real journalism   

TruthInSunshine's picture

Obama: "Europe is committed to standing behind the euro. The details will have to be worked out."


Yeah. Funny how that works. The devil is always in the details. The devil is always in the details especially when Europe will necessarily (by a basic function of math - i.e. money printing) be pledging to commit hyperinflationary seppuku if they really intend on "saving" the euro.


Obama: "The stock market is 3,000 points higher than when I took office."


Yes, and it's in a verified bear market, and if you're counting on equity market stabilization, let alone a surge, to save your re-election, a) you don't understand politics, and b) you don't have a single clue of any basic matter as to how fundamentally broken the stock "market" is nor how volatility is going to destroy your assumptions. In fact, in 'real' terms, the equity markets are where they were in approximately 1984. I wish the best of luck to those playing the Wall Street Craps table, whether speculators or 401(k) bagholders, because they're going to need every bit of luck they can muster as our Japanification takes place and Nikkei 2.0 cometh.


Obama:  "Italy is a wealthy country blah blah blah."


Riiiight. Italy is a basket case that literally - literally - can never service its debt payments, let alone pay its debt back unless the EU (including Germany) agree to commit hyperinflationary seppuku via the ECB implementing the Bernanke-but-this-time-to-infinity-and-beyond plan.

If you like Italy, you'll love Spain, then France, which are on deck.


Good luck, TOTUS.

chaartist's picture

why I cant rate up your comments on all threads?!!

CPL's picture

You have to have joined longer than "x"


Too many JPM/GS/CNBC pole swallowers were on here spamming the place.

Gief Gold Plox's picture

Incorrect CPL. There is a bug, that prevents rating of comments which start with Italics. That's all.

Surly Bear's picture

O(h), he is going to address the 'free' world...I feel more prosperous already.

John Bigboote's picture

The US media will of course not point this out in any way.

tarsubil's picture

Did he just say 'con'? That's french from cunt.

Sudden Debt's picture

ssssSSStt! I'm can't hear him!

did he say somthing like: It's because........ and they.... their fault.... Bush.... Not Me.... Hope, Change, YES WE CAN!

pppfff.... stupid life streams, my internet connection at work sucks to much to follow....

TruthInSunshine's picture

Not Off Topic at all -

I ponder what JPM's real exposure to the EU debtapocalypse is. It's an interesting question that grows more interesting as the days pass and the EU's crisis reveals itself as the genuine crisis that it is to even the formerly naive.

Guest Post: Jamie Dimon's Shameful Spouting


TruthInSunshine  Thu, 09/29/2011 - 14:47

Jamie Dimon is a financial terrorist.

Some may say that's hyperbole, but an accurate and methodical analysis of what he and his brethren on Wall Street and in investment banking actually did can lead to no other conclusion that he and they were in large part, although not exclusively (The Federal Reserve, Congress, President, and government regulatory agencies and GSEs share the blame), directly responsible for imploding the global economy, and that what Dimon, his minions and his cohorts did was done intentionally, with full knowledge beforehand that they would profit from it, because they (stealthily) positioned to take financial advantage of the imposion, after rigging the system with explosives.


Jamie Dimon Comfortable w/Europe Exposure - Video Interview


That's fantastic. So if (when) JP Morgan gets whacked due to events in Europe, Jamie Dimon will not request or receive any government, taxpayer bailout teat, and in fact, Dimon will pledge that JPM won't accept any government support. /sarc/

Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture


The stock market was down when I got into office 3,000 points from where it is now, so.....

Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture


When I entered office, the economy had contracted by 9%.  Now it is growing by 4%.

francis_the_wonder_hamster's picture

Yeah, I heard him say that this morning.  Under what new measurement is our economy growing at 4%?  Even the Fed lowered expectations to half of that this week. 

Oh, wait.....I think I know.....maybe it was a freudian tele-slip and he was thinking 4% inflation = 4% growth.....heck, with that type of logic Bernanke can probably assure us that we'll never see negative growth again......or maybe not.

SilverRhino's picture

Some singers' voices shatter glasses

Obama's voice shatters markets. 

TeamDepends's picture

His tie is crooked just like HeliBens'!  It is the sign!  God help us!

Sqworl's picture

+ infinity..LMAO

GeneMarchbanks's picture

Shot for every time you hear 'significant progress'

SeverinSlade's picture

We're all going to be drunk 5 minutes into the speech and dead by the end of it.

Gohn Galt's picture

Okay I'm in, I got my Jameson's.  What are the rules?

GeneMarchbanks's picture

If he says "China must" then you have to empty your bottle immediately and buy Greek bonds.

GoinFawr's picture

GG and GM, thanks for the laugh.

With no offense aimed at the Dork from Cork: GG, Northern waters stand stronger, try a Bushmills.

Dealer's picture

If you hear "win the future", thats three shots.

caerus's picture

shot for every pensive pause followed by an "uh" sound

SeverinSlade's picture

Zero to dead in 60 seconds.

Gohn Galt's picture

I'm throwing in the towel, I can't keep up.

SeverinSlade's picture

Has there been a day where Obumma opening his mouth actually led to a market rally?

Vergeltung's picture

not that I can recall.................


slaughterer's picture

Maybe the algos can get a minus 3% day out of this. 

Carlyle Groupie's picture

When Obummer speaks markets fall.

catacl1sm's picture

Late, as usual.

slaughterer's picture

He got stuck with Michelle at the Hermes and Chanel shops.  Will be another 30 minutes late.

SeverinSlade's picture

He's waiting for the script to be loaded into the teleprompter.

bdc63's picture

Wouldn't you just LOVE to hack into the teleprompter and enter your own speech? .... wonder how long it would take him to notice ...

equity_momo's picture

I bet he is no different to ron burgundy.
You could get him to read any old shit.

"go fuck yourself 99ers"

Thats the moneyshot sign off.

catacl1sm's picture

gah. Someone junked me for the truf?

TeamDepends's picture

They are paid to do it so go easy on them.

DOT's picture

" Late" is now "staying power", get with the program !

Mercury's picture

Look kids: a sovereign default...

GeneMarchbanks's picture

and another and another and another and another and another and another and another and another and another and another and another

Mercury's picture

Yeah, and we're the kids in the car:


Look!  national insolvency….a meeting of politicians…meaningless bluster…

Kids! national insolvency….a meeting of politicians…meaningless bluster…


   ----We knoooowwww.....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAgX6qlJEMc

Vergeltung's picture

does anyone really want to hear from Teleprompter Jesus? I mean, really? I think I'd rather volunteer for a week of work at the kid-party at ChuckECheeses.


Whoa Dammit's picture

I want to watch the CNN version that is live from Cannes, Spain. :-).

YesWeKahn's picture

Why you chose this picture of Obama? His worst.

NotApplicable's picture

Do you always answer your own questions?

Peter K's picture

Snap caption contest: The Bamster is saying " I'm the what of the US?"

comfortablynumb's picture

"Teleprompter Lampoon's Cannes Vacation"


Tyler(s) we really need to hang out, I almost shit myself.