• Tim Knight from...
    04/28/2016 - 00:27
    I was expecting a few boring candidate statements of the U.S. Senate - AKA the World's Most Exclusive Club - but, boy, was I wrong. Just take a look at some of these gems.
  • Tim Knight from...
    04/28/2016 - 00:27
    I was expecting a few boring candidate statements of the U.S. Senate - AKA the World's Most Exclusive Club - but, boy, was I wrong. Just take a look at some of these gems.

Obama Addresses America's Illegal Aliens, Bypasses Congress

Tyler Durden's picture




 

Obama is about to address (as of 1:15 pm Eastern, so the sandtrap was obviously a monster) America's illegal immigrants, and critical Hispanic vote, advising them he has successfully avoided this pest known as Congress, and that henceforth not all of them will be deported. The immigrants that is, not Congress... although that too may change. Because remember: the only thing better than record part-time jobs is recorder part-time jobs. Also remember: one can't affix a price to securing the vote... of those who are ineligible to vote.

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Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:01 | 2530007 Rahm
Rahm's picture

Constitution?  What's a Constitution?

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:06 | 2530027 njrod
njrod's picture

Articles of Confederation > "Constitution", Bitchez!

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:10 | 2530052 malikai
malikai's picture

<-- Pandering, at it's sleaziest.

<-- OMG He's my hero.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:16 | 2530057 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

He should give 'em each $3,000.00 just to be sure.

 

Anyone remember when the President would take real questions from real journalists?

Question, Mr. President, where exactly is this $3,000.00 for every middle class American going to come from?  We'll have to borrow that from our children and grandchildren, right?

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:17 | 2530095 malikai
malikai's picture

Anyone remember when the President would take real questions from real journalists?

This happened?

Why $3k? That's been done before. He should give $300k to them. Let them know he wants them to "have a chance". That would really set him apart from the rest. He is different, you know.

Or maybe just give another $15T to bullshit/banks. Either way is fine with me.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:23 | 2530130 mick_richfield
mick_richfield's picture

I think we should go all the way and make everybody who is now a member of the 99% be a member of the 1%. 

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:38 | 2530218 Precious
Precious's picture

... the havaad law skolar is hawd at werk with his professor'n and such things ...

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:48 | 2530262 Coke and Hookers
Coke and Hookers's picture

He has to hurry up to destroy America in case he doesn't get re-elected. No time to lose!!

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:51 | 2530277 knukles
knukles's picture

Do immigrants buy thingamajigs, too?

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 15:21 | 2530407 Treeplanter
Treeplanter's picture

Biggest market.  That's why Holder is making sure they get registered to vote.  Si, se puede, pinche gringo!

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 16:32 | 2530661 AldousHuxley
AldousHuxley's picture

Democrats get the votes, Republicans get the cheap labor, middle class gets higher taxes and unemployment.

 

It has been long said that American dream is only for the super poor and the super rich.

 

 

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 21:39 | 2531172 erg
erg's picture

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Nik Wallenda is about to attempt his baby-step approach to fleeing the US.  I wonder if anyone will notice.

Sat, 06/16/2012 - 03:23 | 2531549 AnAnonymous
AnAnonymous's picture

middle class gets higher taxes and unemployment.

___________________________

No. US citizen middle class gets the US citizen way of life.

-----------------------------------------

It has been long said that American dream is only for the super poor and the super rich.
------------------------------------------

No. The US citizen dream is mostly for the US citizen middle class.

US citizenism has barely changed the relationship between haves and have nots. Despite claiming the opposite.

Rich and poor have kept a similar business but in an abundant world.

The big change in standards of life has been given to US citizen middle class. As expected since US citizenism thrones middle class as the king class.

Sat, 06/16/2012 - 10:00 | 2531924 BigDuke6
BigDuke6's picture

AnAn you are being rude to a classic aldous post.

It describes beautifully what exactly goes on with empires.

Like the british empire, in america the select few see the bounty.... the middle and lower lot get nothing but the grumps from cocks like you as they are tarred with the same brush.

The american dream is under the cosh from greedy PTB not 'US citizen middle class'

i'm sick of assorted 3rd worlders (no offense) accusing me of being imperialist when i dont give a shit.

my ancestors who went off to shoot people and build empire only did it to travel.

the poor persons way to see the world in the old days.

 

anyway i only popped into this thread to see how freddie was taking this 'obama fucks the country for votes' thing.

i guess you guys didn't see how tony blair did the same to the uk except with muslims.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/6440594/Jack-Straw-...


Sat, 06/16/2012 - 10:53 | 2532000 Flying Tiger Comics
Flying Tiger Comics's picture

Big Duke Six this is Eagle Thrust, outstanding. outstanding.

 

We'll burn that tree line right off for you over and out.

 

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 12:27 | 2536503 AnAnonymous
AnAnonymous's picture

in america the select few see the bounty.... the middle and lower lot get nothing but the grumps from cocks like you as they are tarred with the same brush.

_______________________

Woooo. Impressive. The US citizens in A have seen nothing of the Indian loot?

You might tell that they have not seen enough to your tastes but nothing...

They were handed in an entire continent by their government.

Mon, 06/18/2012 - 12:46 | 2536547 akak
akak's picture

Much like the eternally-imperialistic Han Chinese handed themselves a significant chunk of the Asian continent by invading and blobbing-up the territories of the Manchu, the Uiyghurs, the Tibetans and the Mongols.

Hypocritical rhino-horn-grinding Chinese citizenism physician, heal thyself!

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 15:56 | 2530525 Floordawg
Floordawg's picture

Yes they do, but they call them chingaderas (Ching-ga-dare-uhs).

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 16:44 | 2530697 AldousHuxley
AldousHuxley's picture

84 percent of government employee making more than $100,000 per year in retirement have higher incomes than they did when they were working.

 

Nearing retirement, Marty Robinson, Ventura County's former chief executive cashed out nearly $34,000 in unused vacation pay, an $11,000 bonus for getting a graduate degree and more than $24,000 in extra pension benefits the county owed her. When she retired at age 62, her pension was calculated at $272,000 annual, though her annual base salary was $228,000 a year, The Times reported.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 22:08 | 2531198 tarsubil
tarsubil's picture

The rich aren't paying their fair share. We have no choice but to bail out California.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 22:22 | 2531214 James
James's picture

What in your world would be "their fair share"?

What do you mean "We"?

Sat, 06/16/2012 - 01:25 | 2531467 joe6px
joe6px's picture

For tarsulbil...  /sarc

just incase you didn't notice.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 15:34 | 2530448 El Oregonian
El Oregonian's picture

IMPEACH!... IMPEACH!... IMPEACH!... IMPEACH!... IMPEACH!... IMPEACH!... IMPEACH!

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 16:39 | 2530539 Bicycle Repairman
Bicycle Repairman's picture

Obama is the Commander-in Chief / Decider, and we are at war.  Don't like it and you are a Republican?

GFY.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 21:17 | 2531151 Bicycle Repairman
Bicycle Repairman's picture

Yeah, sucks doesn't it.  When Bush destroyed the constitution, none of you guys ever thought that, gasp, a black, "socialist", Democrat would grab the power and do his thing.

You OWN it, bitches.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 22:23 | 2531219 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

You suck too.  Live it, bitch.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 22:50 | 2531274 Bicycle Repairman
Bicycle Repairman's picture

Wow.  Good comeback.  LOL.

Sat, 06/16/2012 - 01:50 | 2531486 joe6px
joe6px's picture

really?  maybe i didn't get your logic...or sarc... ad hominem bs.

Sat, 06/16/2012 - 00:37 | 2531416 Lednbrass
Lednbrass's picture

Yeah, it all began with Bush.

Your only possible excuse is that you are so young and stupid that your political memory doesnt extend back before W.

Sat, 06/16/2012 - 08:22 | 2531752 Bicycle Repairman
Bicycle Repairman's picture

My personal political memory stretches back before your birth.  With the aid of books it stretches a lot further..

Lednbrass, you have the attitude so typical of a brain dead neo-con, so as I said earlier GFY.

Sat, 06/16/2012 - 01:37 | 2531474 joe6px
joe6px's picture

So.   We get to play this year's NDAA off on Bush?  We get to play the current bailouts on Bush?  We get to play the "we will shut down Getmo" on Bush?  You are a tool with a capital "mamamama...in my head tv."  WAKE up TOOL!  They are one in the same! 

What? You only read one post on ZH?  Well then welcome my friend.  The red/blue argument has been proven false, time and time again.  Trying to defend choc. vs. van. is poor logic, they are both icecream made by your favorite banker.

Before you attack someone here you need to google the top campaign contributers for the past twenty years for both red/blue candidates.

whadya think now playa?

edit: -1

Sat, 06/16/2012 - 02:07 | 2531500 joe6px
joe6px's picture

To be honest your dear and beloved Abe Lincoln destroyed the constitution.  I'm no southerner or bigot, just a student of history.  In a desperate act to maintain control of the economic solidarity of the new colonies the then president made all efforts to control trade.  How different is today's market?  Is civil war eminent?  Could there be tension between classes?  Could that tension be relieved by the eradication of the middle class?  Hmmmm.  Those that sustain the system are the bain....  Quite a conundrum.

How do we continue? Are your representatives representing you?  Do they have a golden parachute and you get nothing, but you paid for their parachute?

Sat, 06/16/2012 - 01:49 | 2531485 Tsukato
Tsukato's picture

Leave the man alone you anti-semite! 

Sat, 06/16/2012 - 00:15 | 2531395 lewy14
lewy14's picture

The documented sector is doing fine.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:36 | 2530204 Sauk Leader
Sauk Leader's picture

The middle class would simply transfer the 3,000 directly to the interest they owe to the banks anyway. Same thing.

Sat, 06/16/2012 - 02:21 | 2531512 joe6px
joe6px's picture

LOL:!  If only if it was that easy!  You are another statistical idiot.  Those that are paying taxes here are getting screwed.  I don't want to pay for idiots who will not find a job!  I have never taken a single dollar of unemployment insurance.  I have worked my ass off, and expect my peers to do the same.  I don't care if you make more sitting on your ass...that just means someone else is paying your way.  If you are a patriot then get up off your ass and work Mcdonalds and Arbys....I dont care..simply because I would.  I would do whatever I needed to to provide for my family.  This next week I will scrape muscles and barnacles off buoys just to feed my family..with a post-baccalaureate degree.  Now let's talk.

Sat, 06/16/2012 - 14:23 | 2532430 European American
European American's picture

"Those that are paying taxes here are getting screwed."

 

Those that are paying taxes here are idiots.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:56 | 2530292 Harbanger
Harbanger's picture

The MSM journalists became dance partners with TPTB. 

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 15:26 | 2530421 Ima anal sphincter
Ima anal sphincter's picture

MSM journalists are owned by TPTB.

Why bother to watch the news. Complete and total BS. I avoid it like the plague.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 18:39 | 2530952 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

FACT: He will not take a question unless it was submitted before the press conference so the answer can be put on TOTUS.

He is not allowed to take any unscripted question from a "journalist."

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 21:26 | 2531161 nmewn
nmewn's picture

FACT: He will not take a question unless it was submitted before the press conference so the answer can be put on TOTUS.

Correct.

Whenever he goes unscripted he will utter some inanity like "doin fine" or granny don't get her check.

But who loads the answers into TOTUS to the pre-packaged questions that the Obatoman opines on?...that would be one Valerie Jarrett.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:18 | 2530102 Shameful
Shameful's picture

Perhaps you have never heard of Zimbabwe Ben's Magic Printing Press (TM)?  Personally I'm all for it, what's another trillion in money printing between friends, and I can spend mine on real assets.  I'd rather get it then it just be handed to JPM, GS, BofA, etc...

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:22 | 2530127 ndotken
ndotken's picture

Rather than "borrowing", I think it's called STEALING when you forcibly take money from others and have no intentions of ever paying it back

Sat, 06/16/2012 - 00:52 | 2531428 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

Anyone remember when the President would take real questions from real journalists?

Heads up! Heads up!
Here's another one!
And a, and another one
Oh!

[Chorus]
Yeek yeek woop woop! why you all in my ear?!
Talking a whole bunch of ****
That I ain't trying to hear!
Get back ************! You don't know me like that!
(Get back ************! You don't know me like that!)
Yeek yeek woop woop! I ain't playing around!
Make one false move I'll take ya down
Get back ************! You don't know me like that!
(Get back ************! You don't know me like that!)

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:34 | 2530191 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

FIRST CABALLERO

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:37 | 2530214 malikai
malikai's picture

Orale!

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:39 | 2530221 SemperFord
SemperFord's picture

You mean:

Orale Holmes!

Orale Carnal!

Orale Compadre!

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 22:27 | 2531225 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

Green cards?  We don't need no stinkin green cards.  Just give us ballots.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:49 | 2530268 Agent P
Agent P's picture

Might I suggest one more edit?  Swap out the suit and tie for a "Free Mustache Rides" t-shirt.

 

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