Obama Addresses America's Illegal Aliens, Bypasses Congress

Tyler Durden's picture


Obama is about to address (as of 1:15 pm Eastern, so the sandtrap was obviously a monster) America's illegal immigrants, and critical Hispanic vote, advising them he has successfully avoided this pest known as Congress, and that henceforth not all of them will be deported. The immigrants that is, not Congress... although that too may change. Because remember: the only thing better than record part-time jobs is recorder part-time jobs. Also remember: one can't affix a price to securing the vote... of those who are ineligible to vote.

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Fri, 06/15/2012 - 20:04 | 2531070 Dugald
Dugald's picture

The Constitution........

Soon to be replaced by the "Devine Right of Kings"

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 21:50 | 2531183 philipat
philipat's picture

Which part of "Illegal Immigrant" does "O" not understand?

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:03 | 2530009 dolph9
dolph9's picture

The cynicism of this affirmative action nonentity knows no bounds.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:11 | 2530055 akak
akak's picture

More mendacious and muddleheaded mutterings from the Mulatto Messiah.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 15:10 | 2530357 web bot
web bot's picture

Hey Mr. A... you're on a roll today!

What in the name of God has the United States become? How can anyone continue to vote for the Ken(sy)an President?

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 15:27 | 2530425 akak
akak's picture

Thanks Bot!

Still missing Leo?


Fri, 06/15/2012 - 20:01 | 2531069 web bot
web bot's picture

I sure do... It took a while to go through the DTs and withdrawl, but I'm on the mend. But I sure miss ripping his little keynsian ideas to shred. Oh well.

Are you getting ready for the apocolpyse on Monday? lol

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 20:13 | 2531085 akak
akak's picture

Screw that --- I'm going to have breakfast with Leo!

Being personally featured in his blog ("Viewed by literally fives of readers worldwide!) will mark the highlight of my life.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:03 | 2530012 TorchFire
TorchFire's picture

No sovereignty. Hope you were touched by flag day.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:19 | 2530014 Mercury
Mercury's picture

“This is a temporary, stop-gap measure…”

If that doesn’t instill leadership confidence at this point I don’t know what will.


Our hopes were once so high: 


Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:04 | 2530017 Mad Max
Mad Max's picture

So this is why Obama doesn't want Florida to clean up its voter rolls, as it is legally required to do under federal law?  All makes sense now, thanks.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:06 | 2530021 SemperFord
SemperFord's picture

Nobody in power has the balls to stop them, I am so ashamed to have been a Marine, there is no integrity with the people in DC.


EDIT: Not in the Marine Coprs itself but in doing any work for these parasytes!

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:10 | 2530049 john39
john39's picture

trained to follow orders....  but the people at the very top... they sold what was left of their souls.

Sat, 06/16/2012 - 06:45 | 2531665 mvsjcl
mvsjcl's picture

Same boat <sigh>.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:05 | 2530023 Bay of Pigs
Bay of Pigs's picture

1:15? It's after 2 already....

Playing golf?

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:06 | 2530028 fuu
fuu's picture

Is TOTUS napping?

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:27 | 2530150 DosZap
DosZap's picture

Is TOTUS napping?

No, he just completed his 101st round of golf since taking office.

That time to play 101 rounds equals 3 months of his tenure.


Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:41 | 2530237 PartysOver
PartysOver's picture

Shouldn't that be DOTUS?  Just asking.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 15:09 | 2530353 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

He was detained because he watched a drone get another #2 Al Quaysak.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:12 | 2530059 Whoa Dammit
Whoa Dammit's picture

We can always hope for a rogue lightening bolt out there on the golf course. 

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:13 | 2530064 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Thing is, "there are no accidents in history..."

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:16 | 2530086 Jena
Jena's picture


Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:05 | 2530024 IndicaTive
IndicaTive's picture

Ben advised Obama to print more voters.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:06 | 2530026 valley chick
valley chick's picture

where is the fukker...

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:06 | 2530030 digalert
digalert's picture

el Rushbo:

Barack Kardashian launches catch, release, vote!


Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:09 | 2530046 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Sí se puede!

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:10 | 2530031 Bob
Bob's picture

Yeah, I've noticed the Congress Critters can't wait to get their arms around this one.  JK.

Obama delivering shit to anybody but the banksters and fear industries is just comedy at this point. 

He'll deport "fewer" aliens just as he'll stop prosecuting medical marijuana patients. 

Just believe. 

Of course, it's convenient that economic conditions provide a smaller pool of aliens to deport . . . while maintaing a far higher deportation rate that Dubya.  "Fewer" deportations shouldn't be that hard, all in all.

Weird thing here is that I don't see why deporting them all is a bad idea. 

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:07 | 2530034 FL_Conservative
FL_Conservative's picture

Obama/Biden 2012: Pandering for votes 1 constituency at a time.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:08 | 2530036 the iD
the iD's picture

late? color me surprised.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:14 | 2530070 akak
akak's picture

You used the word "color".


Fri, 06/15/2012 - 15:25 | 2530416 knukles
knukles's picture

And asking the slope rating of a golf course anymore is racist.
Now it's the Asian rating.

Even my uber liberal black golf buds are now starting the "Who him?  Hold on, honkey, he's half white."

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:10 | 2530038 fuu
fuu's picture

Podium is present and accounted for! Nice bird sounds as well. The sirens in the background are just bonus.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 18:22 | 2530914 lakecity55
lakecity55's picture

The bird sounds were piped in. The siren was real.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:09 | 2530041 CABill
CABill's picture

Amnesty is a total offensive insult to all us childeren of legal immigrants.  And us legal immigrants who struggled through the legal process to be in the US.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:53 | 2530284 AnAnonymous
AnAnonymous's picture

Legal immigrants? In the US? They must exist. They have to.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 15:04 | 2530328 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

Like legal chinese immigrants to Nepal, Tibet, Mongolia, Vietnam.  Do those exist, too?

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:09 | 2530043 kito
kito's picture

not all will be deported? how convenient considering there are no undocumented workers left. all have gone home thanks to the end of the economy as we know it....you see how effective our govt is?...all they had to do to curb the inflows was destroy our economy!!...that was easy!!

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:25 | 2530093 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

And now he's desperately trying to keep the rest from leaving.

Who needs sitcoms with this sort of reality TV going on?

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:17 | 2530094 Mark123
Mark123's picture

I think it's time we dressed our politicians up in macho military uniforms.  The hats in particular should be paid attention to.


That way we can be exactly like the original banana republics we are trying to emulate.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:15 | 2530047 LouisDega
LouisDega's picture

Nice garden. The landscaper does fine work.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:15 | 2530080 Skateboarder
Skateboarder's picture

That's what I was thinking too. I'm a skateboarder, so I have a dear relationship with stairs. You can give me all the money in all the universes - it still won't beat the satisfaction derived from sitting on some good stairs and chatting with a buddy or two. Smokes optional but recommended. The Prez got some nice stairs... bet he never sits on em. =\

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:18 | 2530101 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Warm marble feels nice on the 'roids too!

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 15:20 | 2530399 Pure Evil
Pure Evil's picture

You may smoke, but no Choomin'!

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 15:58 | 2530529 Satan
Satan's picture

You look familiar...are we related?

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:11 | 2530053 RacerX
RacerX's picture

fucking clown

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:21 | 2530120 mick_richfield
mick_richfield's picture

Don't say "clown"!  I'm still keeping the lights on at night after reading Stephen King's It.

Hey, that inspires me!  Here's something new for 0bama's teleprompter.  Could somebody hack it in there for me while he's still speaking?

Welcome to America.  We all float in here.  You'll float, too.

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:26 | 2530145 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Now why you gotta go insulting the clowns like that?

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:30 | 2530153 t_kAyk
t_kAyk's picture

well now that is just rude to clowns... 


d'oh!  N/A beat me to it, you scoundrel... 

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 15:18 | 2530391 roadhazard
roadhazard's picture

The problem is on Jan.20th 2013 Romney might be sworn in and we will have a new clown, a Mormon one. I wouldn't vote for Romney because he might decree I must have more wives. Pretty soon we will have enough for a clown car Chinese fire drill. 

Fri, 06/15/2012 - 14:11 | 2530054 Meremortal
Meremortal's picture

To all those immigrants that suffered through the proper process, up yours!

To all those newly-minted legal immigrants, there are no jobs, good luck!

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!