Obama Addresses America's Illegal Aliens, Bypasses Congress

Tyler Durden's picture

Obama is about to address (as of 1:15 pm Eastern, so the sandtrap was obviously a monster) America's illegal immigrants, and critical Hispanic vote, advising them he has successfully avoided this pest known as Congress, and that henceforth not all of them will be deported. The immigrants that is, not Congress... although that too may change. Because remember: the only thing better than record part-time jobs is recorder part-time jobs. Also remember: one can't affix a price to securing the vote... of those who are ineligible to vote.

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the black arrow's picture

The Michael Savage show should be fantastic tonight after this example of constitutional destruction.

RafterManFMJ's picture

Naw man Savage got renditioned; he's being waterboarded with goat semen in Egypt.

GrinandBearit's picture

"Dream act" ... because you have to be asleep to vote for it.

Bay of Pigs's picture

"for all intents and purposes they are Americans"

WTF...nice logic there Mr President.


NotApplicable's picture

Ironically, he meant it the other, misued way.

"For all [my] intensive purposes, they are Americans."

CaptainObvious's picture

I stole a pencil from my next desk neighbor in second grade and used it to draw a dollar bill.  Does this mean that, for all intents and purposes, I am a bankster?

Mark123's picture

Step 1 - identify the most desperate, pliable, non-questioning people on earth.


Step 2 - Bring them into your country in boatloads


Step 3 - Shower them with benefits paid for by the confused citizens


Step 4 - Use media to paint a pretty story about how wonderful this initiative is.


Step 5 - Continue to rape and pillage the real wealth of the Nation

RafterManFMJ's picture

Did ya ever notice that every sob story about da poor illegals features a SMOKIN HOT latino? Not some scaberous, rotund, coughing sack of suet? Now, I've seen some very attractive latinos...but seems to me the only ones that come to El Norte are the ones that have supplied themselves with extra caloric reserves for the journey.

And yet, most news stories feature SMOKIN HOT lationos who also speak English...the human mind reels at this incongruity. 

Bob's picture

It seems a show of radical doubt has been scripted into this afternoon's Presidential Address.

We all know perfectly well how they handle anyone who's not on script.  You can't even get close to the POTUS to say something he and his handlers don't want repeated in the media.

Tens of thousands of arrested and usually beaten Americans have proven that.  Thank OWS (RIP) for that much, bitchez. 

LFMayor's picture

wow, someone dared blaspheme the Mocha Messiah in His very Presecence?

now I know shit is getting bad.

Overfed's picture

Off to Gitmo for some waterboarding and indefinite detention!

Kobe Beef's picture

I was hoping somebody in the audience was carrying extra shoes...aerodynamic ones.

pleseus's picture

Is he trying not to get reelected?

lizzy36's picture

Funny - Clinton issued 364 Executive Orders, Bush 291, Obama underperforming that average at a mere 127, (presidency to date).

sdmjake's picture

Who needs 'Executive Orders' when you've got Predator Drones??

NotApplicable's picture

And GPS coordinates to every house in the US, thanks to ACORN and the Senseless Bureau.

fuu's picture

, and google street view.

The Navigator's picture

4 inch and 6 inch x 36 inch pvc pipe sectionals - and voluntary irrigration work in my neighbors back yard while they're on vacation - nice to own back ups that were reported lost on that boating accident.

So drone the fuck out of my safe using GPS and Google maps, you don't get it all fuckers.

Count de Money's picture

I heard the man really loves him some drones:


Money quote:

"The weekly meetings, the kill list…I mean c’mon now…he’s got his own personal kill list.  The guy who campaigned against Bush era interrogations…Obama don’t interrogate.  He picks a name off a list…some of these people have been U.S. citizens…he picks that name off a list and orders the kill.  Then he gets the video confirmation of the kill…and he watches it.  Over and over and over again."

crkennedymd's picture

Probably with a towel and some Jergens

Overfed's picture

Idi Amin, Seku Toure, and Sani Abacha, eat your heart out!

CompassionateFascist's picture

  Zero has long been a cold-blooded killer. F'rinstance his 3 BJ-administering Black boyfriends, all killed by a gunshot to the back of the head during a 40-day span in '08...said murders still being "investigated" by the Chicago PD.

Zymurguy's picture

Who has time to write those up when you're so busy vacationing, campaigning and filling out score cards at the 19th hole tavern on the green.

Count de Money's picture

Nice try. Except you don't understand that quantity is not the same as quality. That is, if your numbers are not of the made-up variety. I would bet that almost all of Clinton's and Bush's were of the innocuous kind, like a proclamation of National Petunia Day or an directive to fly flags at half-mast.

Your boyfriend treats the Constitution like it's toilet paper. I'll bet that in five years you'll never admit to anyone that you supported this clown.

Temporalist's picture

Don't forget that once they are "ordered" they aren't revoked so the power multiplies and fewer new ones are needed.

Silverhog's picture

I'm so glad I didn't vote for this asshole.

Taffy Lewis's picture

@Silverhog: But is there anything left for him to fuck up?

It's obvious that the poor middle-class schmucks like me that follow the rules (my wife went through the immigration process) and work hard get screwed in the rear end.

I'll have the last laugh in 23 months when I move my family and taxpaying ass to southeast Asia; and my annual income will be $1 less than the maximum amount to NOT pay Uncle Sam any income tax (around $90,000 now).

CommunityStandard's picture

Wait.  We're gonna deport Congress?  Don't get my hopes up.

ArrestBobRubin's picture

Why listen to this Master of Disaster when you can hear the new Jim Willie interview on TFMR and actually learn something of value?

Jim's latest on the farce: Weimar Meets Ponzi


akak's picture

I always enjoyed Ponzi in "(Un)Happy Days".

Especially when he jumped the shark, and declared the largest financial bubble in world history, hyperinflating US Treasuries, to be a "safe haven".

mick_richfield's picture

What's wrong with letting people vote who are ineligible to vote?

It only stands to reason.

We have a president who's ineligible to be president.

williambanzai7's picture

Obama is a crafty little weasel when it comes to doing everything but bringing banksters to justice. Fuck him...

Rahm's picture

Keep my dick out of this, and I"ll keep it out of your wife.

NotApplicable's picture


Now, go back to your ballet.

TrainWreck1's picture

He'd give you the finger, but he left it in the slicer at Arby's

Mark123's picture

I think I am going to watch Idiocracy again tonight....it is getting closer and closer to a documentary.


"I like money"

Chaos_Theory's picture

Wait a minute....are you telling me Idiocracy isn't a documentary?  That's just 'tarded!

The Navigator's picture

Excellent documentary.

Just remember, YOU need electrolytes, plants need water.

Jethro's picture

That gives me an idea for another artwork request!


Mr. Banzai7, what do you think about showing Obama (dressed like the head bandit in the Magnificent 7) riding on the back of a Mexican peasant, yelling "Muchacos!  We ride!"

Jena's picture

He's rather snappish today... Not a good time at Sarah Jessica Parker's last night?

TrainWreck1's picture

Lots of long faces at the soiree last night, well one particularly long face

HelluvaEngineer's picture

He found out she's really a dude.

mick_richfield's picture

And ... you think that would be a problem for him?

Oquities's picture

the buffoonder-in-chief just said that illegal aliens should not be expected to plan their lives in 2 year increments.   what about us taxpayers who have an ever-changing tax code? 

Whoa Dammit's picture

Fuck him & the illegal he rode in on. What about all the people who were born here that have to plan their lives in 2 week increments hoping they will get another paycheck and not a pink slip?

Zymurguy's picture

Oh yeah... gotta drop the gauntlett down on Florida and then start pandering to all the minorities who have illegal famiia here.  Perfect timing Barack.  Fucking shame you and your administration are the true enemies of the state.