Obama Better Prepared To Handle Alien Invasion, Poll Finds

Tyler Durden's picture

The two presidential candidates may be neck and neck in most (un)popularity polls, and according to some metaphorical sources are even the same person just with different Wall Street backers, but when it comes to the critical topic of resisting an alien invasion, Obama is far better prepared, according to two thirds of the population.

From Politico:

Americans may be split on which presidential candidate can fix the economy, but President Barack Obama trounces Mitt Romney in one out-of-this-world scenario — an alien invasion. The majority of Americans, nearly 65 percent, say Obama is better suited than Romney to handle an alien invasion, according to a new National Geographic Channel poll, USA Today reports.


The survey, conducted to promote “Chasing UFOs,” a TV series premiering Friday, also found that almost eight in 10 people, 79 percent, believe the government has kept information about UFOs a secret from the public. In addition, 55 percent believe agents similar to those played by Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones in the film “Men in Black” — their mission is to hide information about extraterrestrial beings — actually exist.


Meanwhile, more than a third of Americans, 36 percent, believe UFOs exist.

Now there is a discoonect here: as most readers know very well, Keynesian Plan Z for America is to fold like a lawn chair when ET starts shooting, and to have the planet literally leveled and all "windows broken", with the resulting surge in GDP leading the world to a new Golden Age. Sadly for the high priest of Keynsianomics, Paul Krugman, this plan would require a president who is willing to immediately wave the white flag when faced with a UFO invasion.

If Obama indeed is capable of repelling an armada of little green men, then the world truly is doomed.

Then again, there really is no need to worry.

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Aziz's picture

21% of people believe the government has NOT kept UFO information from the public?

What the hell are they smoking? 

Surly Bear's picture

Oh, so he is qualified to do something other than fuck up. My bad.

Abitdodgie's picture

Yet again America has been  given the people they must vote for , wow this system is so cool ,well only if you are the ruling 1% as for the rest of you get back to work we need more of your money so we can keep killing people. Not paying taxes is un-patriotic don't you know.

knukles's picture

So lemme get this straight.  A mulatto is better prepared than a white man (or woman, I hope as it would otherwise be discriminatory) to stop an alien invasion of greens, grey or multicolored aliens but not the brown or yellow ones that don't have green cards even though the green ones won't have any cards so better not be stopped in Arizona which would require Indian red stop signs assuming that's the intergalactic color for stop, when in fact a silvery white or blue is most often associated with absolute zero when everything stops unless its within the mahogany colored halls of our multi-colored diverse congress where all things serious have stopped dead for years, often best portrayed by an opossum lying on its side,  them generally being colored of white black and brown therefore the perfect national symbol of our increasingly paralyzed multicultural society except it once again limits the celebration of multicultural colors, leaving out yellow and red as well as green and gray.

nmewn's picture

Pish posh...everyone knows he's more qualified than anyone as the self anointed deity of the Intergalactic Rainbow Clan of Unicorn Riders.

Forward!!! Yes We Con!!!

FEDbuster's picture

Obama, the Alien Killer, coming to a Magic Johnoson Theater near you this summer.

The Big Ching-aso's picture



Wow.  Morgan Freeman made an even bigger impact than the asteroid in Deep Impact.

Manthong's picture

Hell, he will just solve the invasion problem by giving all the little ET’s section 8 housing vouchers, student loans, a free cell phone and an EBT. ..

in exchange for their (no picture I.D. required) vote. 

Western's picture

wtf is the deal with all these alien themes in the msm?


maybe I should go research the Nummo and how queen elizabeth's ancestors were reptoids.

knukles's picture

Look, here's the deal.
The whole thesis upon which the west's ever expanding government is based has to do with the necessity to coordinate ever increasing scarce input factors, land labor and capital under the aegis of governmental control... for which there is a need for an enemy or threat.

Swine flu
Any flu
Climate change
Water scarcity
Air pollution
Food security
Energy independence
Wars on drugs
War on poverty
War on turror


Keep on thinkin'

war against alien invasions, asteroid strikes, etc, etc, etc.
Why you think that the Un appointed some bimbo from Sri Lanka or wherethefuckever as the Planet's Ambassador and Contact Person for Alien Intervention?

Consolidation of land labor and capital me bucko, out of your pocket and into the politicians and their financial enablers.

Go figure.

Simple as pie...that you get to bake and they eat.

Shazam342's picture

does she at least spread her legs when a guy enters the room??

Shazam342's picture

does she at least spread her legs when a guy enters the room??

Flying Wombat's picture

Wernher von Braun, the Nazi godfather of the rocket engine, was concerned about Western powers using a staged alien invasion as the ultimate external threat.  After the US brought him into the country under project paper-clip, von Braun integrated himself deeply within the Military Industrial Complex.  He understood the whole construct and use of an external threat as a tool for societal mobolizing and justification for military spending.   He warned against this ultimate false flag plan should it ever be taken off the shelf and implemented. 

The documentation for this is found within the very credible "Disclosure Project," run by Dr. Steven Greer.  Sounds crazy, I know...  But this is indeed documented history and our "leaders" think of all sorts of things to keep the sheeple inline.  So, even if you don't believe in little green men, it shouldn't be much of a stretch for all here to understand contingency planning like this actually isn't that unconventional.

philipat's picture

I had not realised than any American believed there was intelligent life beyond the borders of the US. But, as an aside, which part of "Illegal alien" is it that Obama doesn't understand? If he just wants to open the borders to let anyone enter, can be please advise the INS to stop fucking genuine visitors around over Visas. It seems the easiest way to enter the US is either to walk from Mexico or drive from Canada. Eh?

James-Morrison's picture

Many Americans believe there is no intelligent life IN THIS country. 

Max Fischer's picture



A study was recently concluded which proved that most people who believe in UFOs are also prone to believing in religious fairy tales.

Given that most UFO sightings are in Florida, Texas and Pennsylvania and these three states are densely populated with conservative redneck hillbillies who cling to guns and bibles, I think the correlation seems accurate. 

Related to that, did you know the number of churches in Texas and Florida far outweighs the number of dentists?  Like 10:1. Whereas in NY, there are far more dentists than churches.    


Sancho Ponzi's picture

Let's talk SAT scores by state, shall we? (2009)


New York: 46th, 1466

Rednecks from OK: 12th, 1703

Your ignorance knows no bounds.


Max Fischer's picture



Sorry Sir, but your numbers are just full of shit.

The participation rate in Oklahoma was 5%.  The participation rate in NY was 85%.  

This means that only 5% of students in Oklahoma even THOUGHT about going to college.  Do you think this might skew the numbers?


DumbDumb hillbillies. 



Revert_Back_to_1792_Act's picture

This guy has some questions;


After you get done with those, this guy has some more.




Sancho Ponzi's picture

The ACT participation rate in OK is 73%. The ACT is more popular and used by more colleges in the South and Southwest. 

LFMayor's picture

But my Dear, dear Max. A great many of your very own talking points are straight from the echo chambers of the prog masters.  Quoting each other in a closed circuit and calling it wisdom, as if chanting lends validity to the ivory towers.

This God you mock speaks explicitly in Matthew 6 about repetition.  It is for the unadaptible and weak of mind.  Mental masturbation, giving only self pleasure, you servile little idiot of a man.

Max Fischer - Bearded Bagpipe Virtuoso

Max Fischer's picture



Could you please provide a link where the pro-Hitler echo chamber discusses SAT score participation rates?

Ivory towers?  Speaking of that, what is with the right-wing's disdain for higher education?  I've never been able to figure that one out?It's like you hillbillies prize ignorance, Rick Perrry-Michele Bachmann-Rick Santorum-style.   




Moe Howard's picture

A guy at work told me his son's girlfriend, a Canadian, was stopped at the border and denied entry because she had too many household goods in her car.

Race Car Driver's picture

I bumbed ya just for the run-on. Nice work.

johnQpublic's picture

wouldnt obama just let the aliens become US citizens?
and add them to his voting base i assume
provide them with healthcare and an education

zeta reticulans for the "O"

Creepy Lurker's picture

He would appease them by bowing to their commanding officer.

Lucky Guesst's picture

Then Michelle will give them a nice big bear hug like she did the queen!

ACP's picture

That scenario is assuming the aliens don't land in Mexico and invade the US from the South. In that case, we would be screwed.

old naughty's picture

so we are not talking about foreign nationals, but beings from out there?

Wait, beings from out there are also "foreign".


rosiescenario's picture

.....provided they met the age / residency "test"

Shazam342's picture

When you have an article like this, I just knew WilliamBanzai7 was near by. Activate Satire Rays!!!

Hermann's picture

Would this be predictive programming for the holographic (ie. fake) alien invasion that is part of Project Bluebeam and planned to begin at the London 2012 Olympics?..  from Tyler?

Rearranging Deckchairs's picture

I can't think of a more useless poll statistic. What's next who would make a more attractice Zombie?

Comay Mierda's picture

they had to come with something that Obummer would poll better in

XitSam's picture

Well, today a Quinnipiac phone poll showed that 53% of Martians would vote for Obama, while only 44% would vote for Romney. Interestingly, Venusians whose brain hemispheres are capable of independent thought, responded 64% positive for Obama and 58% positive for Romney. Calls to the Jovian sattellites were not answered due to the 14 Earth-year-long Jupiter Independence celebration.

Edit: grammar

FL_Conservative's picture

What's he gonna do, baffle them with bullshit??


Oh, I got it.  He's going to declare them to be citizens of the US.

toady's picture

He'll give them the same deal as the aliens from South of the border. Dream act, SNAP, Section 8, Medicaid, etc.

But then, so would Mitt, so that's a wash...

Joebloinvestor's picture

He wouldn't repel them.

He would declare them as qualified voters and sign them up.

If they had any kids, they would be "landed immigrants".

dwdollar's picture

Well... I imagine one look at Obama would scare away more than half of the aliens.

merizobeach's picture

Maybe they wouldn't be coming to invade us... maybe they'll just show up with some high tech detoxing equipment and clean up our new Great Glow Spot.  They'll mop it up, say, "there, fixed that for ya", and hop back in their warp drive carriage.

EZYJET PILOT's picture

Hopefully Aliens will wipe out the banksters.

DosZap's picture

Now how the hell do they figure that?,he just granted temp citizen status to 800k aliens./sarc

BKbroiler's picture

The aliens would probably ask what the purpose of bankers is to determine if they were worth keeping around.  This could actually work out well.

Dr. Sandi's picture

There's a lot of good eatin' on a full grown banker.

Joebloinvestor's picture

The aliens have a great investment vehicle in dylithium crystal futures.

Abitdodgie's picture

The aliens ARE the bankers.

fleur de lis's picture

And they are headquartered at the Federal Reserve with their congressional concubines.

ifishivote's picture

It only makes sense... Obama would view them as a new illegal voter base.