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Assymmetric Secret Servicing Initiative: Obama's Colombia Visit Found To Subsidize Local Alternative Monogamy Market

Tyler Durden's picture


Obama may not be the most successful president when it comes to creating jobs at home, but when success is measured by the number of blowjobs outsourced abroad, he may be truly second to none, as his visit to Colombia proves before it has officially begun. According to the AP, "A dozen Secret Service agents sent to Colombia to provide security for President Barack Obama at an international summit have been relieved of duty because of allegations of misconduct." Relieved here being a perfectly randomly selected verb. Because according to a tip received by The Associated Press "the misconduct involved prostitutes in Cartagena, Colombia, the site of the Summit of the Americas. A Secret Service spokesman did not dispute that allegation." Or, as Goldman would call it, an "AsSymmetric (Secret) Servicing Initiative" where much more than just inside information is leasked. Unfortunately, while he may be far more successful in generating jobs in Latin America than domestically, even those jobs have proven to be quite transitory, just like virtually all quickie temp jobs "created or saved" in the US in the past several years. Furthermore, just like in the US, we doubt that the incremental wealth benefits will trickle down to the local population. After all, unlike in the US, endogenous Colombian liquidity may be abundant everywhere but certainly not at the central bank, which is far, far tighter at a rate of 5.25% (and rising), compared to extra loose central planners the "developed" world over.

More on tomorrow's watercooler talk:

A U.S. official, who was not authorized to speak publicly on the matter and requested anonymity, put the number of agents at 12. The agency was not releasing the number of personnel involved.


The Washington Post reported that Jon Adler, president of the Federal Law Enforcement Officers Association, said the accusations related to at least one agent having involvement with prostitutes in Cartagena. The association represents federal law enforcement officers, including the Secret Service.


Ronald Kessler, a former Post reporter and the author of a book about the Secret Service, told the Post that he had learned that 12 agents were involved, several of them married.


The incident threatened to overshadow Obama's economic and trade agenda at the summit and embarrass the U.S. The White House had no comment.

And no, Obama was not among those directly subsidizing the oldest profession in Colombia.

Donovan said the allegations of misconduct were related to activity before the president's arrival Friday night.


Obama was attending a leaders' dinner Friday night at Cartagena's historic Spanish fortress. He was due to attend summit meetings with regional leaders Saturday and Sunday.

Ironically enough, in traditional economic canon, a transaction spillover, occurs in the context of an externality, not internalities. Perhaps all this Neo-Keynesian gibberish really was true all along...

All joking aside, here is how Politico framed the 5 political benefits (with or without friends) that the Colombian visit was supposed to embiggen. We can probably trim that list to one: endless humor for the late night stand-up comedy circuit as well as hours of rhetorical poetry waxing by Obama's political adversaries.


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Fri, 04/13/2012 - 23:37 | 2343221 Rahm
Rahm's picture

Hookers & Blow, Bitchez!

Fri, 04/13/2012 - 23:52 | 2343236 ThisIsBob
ThisIsBob's picture

Yea, Baby!

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:39 | 2343297 NewThor
NewThor's picture

I've read too much Sun Tzu to not find this funny.

I wonder how much information the prostitutes gathered during

the visits. Hookers do excellent recon and info extraction.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:58 | 2343308 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



I think you need to read more Playboy.   That Sun Tzu will give ya a hard-on for just about everybody.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 01:11 | 2343316 knukles
knukles's picture

In response to questions a  White Hose spokesperson said "Blow me."

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 01:44 | 2343339 Real Money Wins
Real Money Wins's picture

WOW, Cocaine and Prostitution!

I wonder when the will get their own stock symbols, being as they appear to be the only growth industries left.

Of course it might end up like MF Global and the profits and the Initial Investment going up in smoke!


Sat, 04/14/2012 - 02:33 | 2343535 Manthong
Manthong's picture

It's all good as long as the operation involved substantial injection of liquidity.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 06:42 | 2345093 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

All I can write is:  "Suck, SUCK! Blow is just a figure of speech!"

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 06:49 | 2345101 nmewn
nmewn's picture

How many Volts ya reckon Barry's gonna sell down there? ;-)

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 08:05 | 2345126 Colombian Gringo
Colombian Gringo's picture

Who Carez? Barry needs a new supply and what better place than Colombia? As for the Secret Service, Colombia has some of the hottest hookers on the planet, and the locals earn extra cash.  For once, American diplomacy results in a true win/win/win.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 09:19 | 2345177 nmewn
nmewn's picture

So its a top secret Stimulus Plan.

I can see it all now...

(Barry on Air Force One)...ahhh errr ok...everyone open the envelopes in your laps now.

A few weeks ago we ahhh inserted a highly skilled team of happy warriors for koochie whose mission it was to spread out amongst the local population here and sorta get the lay of the land for our excursion here.

The ahhh errr uhhh, reports, we're getting back are very stimulating. Errr ahhh as you can see your envelopes contain freshly printed $100 bills, a bottle of Viagra and photographs of your targets. I can see by your ahhh uhhh reactions, you know the importance of the task at hand. Your mission is to carry out secondary penetrations on these hardened targets now softened up by the steady pounding of your brothers who are the best of the best, real crack operators.

Code Name: Operation Caboose.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 09:27 | 2345188 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture




So much for keeping the servicing secret.


Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:11 | 2345237 dwdollar
dwdollar's picture

This should dispel any hope there is some magical group of bureaucrats or servicemen (who still uphold a core set of values) standing by to help resurrect the Constitution when the people 'wake up' and the time comes.

However, since the average American is devolving back into Apeman, I imagine the typical response to this news is a blank stare while drooling at the TV.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:11 | 2345238 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



What's our government coming to?


Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:20 | 2345247 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture




Supposedly a mariachi band was playing in the background.


Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:20 | 2345248 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



Ya know, I bet Williambanzai7 is working overtime right now with this.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 13:14 | 2345415 piceridu
piceridu's picture

I can see the headlines on CNBS: A Sticky Situation for President Obama, Secret Services Provides Some Needed Liquidity for Columbia

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 16:43 | 2345662 tongue.stan
tongue.stan's picture

It was a taill event not properly headged.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 16:31 | 2345646 Phil Free
Phil Free's picture

You said .. Growth Industries ..


Sat, 04/14/2012 - 06:58 | 2345106 Frankie Carbone
Frankie Carbone's picture

I typical American inperialistic fashion, the American president and his entourage came to screw the Columbian people once again.

"We were fucked as soon as they showed up", state one exasperated young woman.

"When are they going to stop screwing us?" said another busty and attractive lady on the street.



Sat, 04/14/2012 - 07:01 | 2345108 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Its another War on Women!!!

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 07:19 | 2345112 Element
Element's picture

These guys need to ask themselves, "what would Clint Eastwood have done on his watch?"

If the goons are the one's who go around murdering for Prezidente, on whatever speculative basis without legal due-process from the mafia boss in bananaville-DC, then naturally he needs to surround himself with a-moral sociopaths.

What could possibly go wrong?

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 09:32 | 2345195 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture




It's halftime in Columbia.


Sat, 04/14/2012 - 12:19 | 2345356 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



Will there be a pubic outrage?

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 07:03 | 2345109 spankfish
spankfish's picture

I have taken it upon myself to forward the Colombian Kisses web site to the SS... this way they can pre-hookup the agents next time.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 01:32 | 2343327 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

Well, the secret service guys thought it was an in and out mission.


Sat, 04/14/2012 - 01:39 | 2343337 Caviar Emptor
Caviar Emptor's picture

We saw, we conquered, we came

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 02:52 | 2343666 MrPalladium
MrPalladium's picture

Vidi, Vici, Veni! (Corrected reordering of Ceasar's famous words)

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:59 | 2345274 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



Fast and Furious?

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 13:48 | 2345175 Widowmaker
Widowmaker's picture

She's all warmed up, Mr. President.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:55 | 2345267 ihedgemyhedges
ihedgemyhedges's picture

Apparently they extracted more than info, if you know what I mean.................

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 11:28 | 2345313 chinaguy
chinaguy's picture

Worth noting that the American "embassy" in Bogota has 2,500 "employees & contractors" employed there (per a contractor I spoke w/ there) ...something more is being collected in that country besides BJs.....

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 16:51 | 2345674 earleflorida
earleflorida's picture

hmmm, i wonder if any of them will turn up on the next [un]invited guest list for the monthly unannounced, WH bash birthday parties?

Sun, 04/15/2012 - 12:16 | 2346611 MeetTozter
MeetTozter's picture

Aren't most NSA, FBI, and Secret Service Mormons?


Go Willard!

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:02 | 2343245 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



Apparently this turned out not to be a secret servicing.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:54 | 2343306 Hacked Economy
Hacked Economy's picture


Does this sudden loss of those twelve jobs stand to affect the 'ol unemployment numbers?

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 01:34 | 2343331 SoCalBusted
SoCalBusted's picture

Had to increase the employment numbers for women..  It is a double bonus.  Hire more women, fire more men.


Sat, 04/14/2012 - 08:33 | 2345149 Mesquite
Mesquite's picture

Uh, is this what they mean by 'Sector rotation..'??

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 08:36 | 2345153 Mesquite
Mesquite's picture


Sat, 04/14/2012 - 08:36 | 2345155 Son of Loki
Son of Loki's picture

SEC was also there to ensure 'compliance.'

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 09:26 | 2345185 Arnold Ziffel
Arnold Ziffel's picture

Just invoice the "FIESTA" government account.

With the recent $800,00 GSA trip, they may have maxed this taxpayer funded account.


Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:08 | 2343257 I Got Worms
I Got Worms's picture

Don't worry,I trust our President won't fall victim to the same shinanigans... as long as we can keep him away from the bath houses in Columbia.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 02:55 | 2343671 MrPalladium
MrPalladium's picture

Fear not! Obama keeps his manservant - servicer near him at all times! Discreet on the down-low!!

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 04:14 | 2344250 Motorhead
Motorhead's picture

Nah, that was (is?) J. Edgar.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 11:00 | 2345275 thatthingcanfly
thatthingcanfly's picture

J. Edgar was NOT a homosexual. That's been the big lie put forth by liberals who wanted to retaliate against him for revealing those liberals to be nothing but communists and informants to Mother Russia during the Cold War.

Don't watch the Clint Eastwood movie.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 02:11 | 2343398 putaipan
putaipan's picture

clinton's fault.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 03:42 | 2343965 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



What blows in Cartagena, sucks in Cartagena.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 13:13 | 2345414 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

Soon there will be a Sucks and Blow store on every corner like Starbucks...

The tax revenue possibilities are simply too rich for them to resist it forever.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 08:21 | 2345136 brewing
brewing's picture

i guarantee bill was in on this boondoggle.  big cigars in columbia...

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 18:03 | 2345753 Phil Free
Phil Free's picture

They call them cigars now?


Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:08 | 2345235 NumberNone
NumberNone's picture

Somehow I think Obama will blame this on bush.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 11:17 | 2345304 FeralSerf
FeralSerf's picture

De Cockis in de Bush?

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 13:20 | 2345419 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

25-years-ago election-year-joke:

What's the difference between Republican and Democrat women? 

Republican women have Bush in their Heart.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 09:21 | 2345180 JustObserving
JustObserving's picture

"Obama's Dirty Dozen: 12 Secret Service agents sent home in disgrace after drink fuelled encounter with prostitute...who exposed them after they refused to pay"

Refused to pay??  No trickle down? No liquidity for the Colombians? Where is Bernanke when you need him.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 09:33 | 2345196 Elwood P Suggins
Elwood P Suggins's picture

Hell, Bill Clinton would have given them a big bonus.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 09:48 | 2345216 chubbar
chubbar's picture

OT but needs serious coverage: ICELAND FORGIVES ALL MORTGAGE DEBT! GIVES MIDDLE FINGER TO BANKERS! (I'm hoping this isn't an onion type article as it is unconfirmed by a different source)

"Friday, April 13, 2012
Iceland Forgives Mortgage Debt for the Population. Putting Bankers and Politicians on "Bench of Accused" This is awesome. It shows when the people DO STAND UP they have more power and win against the corrupt bankers and politicians of a country. Iceland is forgiving and erasing the mortgage debt of the population. They are putting the bankers and politicians on the "Bench of the Accused." Which means I assume they are putting them on trial for corruption.

Now the rest of people of the world need to start doing the same thing. We all need to stand up and against all the corruption and fraud of the banks and politicians that are puppets of the banks and corporations. "

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 23:27 | 2346056 prole
prole's picture

If that is true then it is wickedly revolutionary, not to mention making Iceland the best country to live in-- like an inverted Zimbabwe.

Zimbabwe also erased all mortgage debt, in their own way.

(unless you were white, then they just killed you)

After thinking about it this news is probably not true

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:38 | 2345260 Hot Shakedown
Hot Shakedown's picture

Quite a busy month for O, notsoSharpton and HoldNOjustice---through their antics, baiting, and loss of judgement, O has lost the following voting blocks in just 2 months:

1. reasonable minded attorneys who take issue with the O for going beyond his right to free speech when he DISRESPECTED the Supreme Court over O- care
2. the entire 'white' hispanic population and most other hispanics

3.) most of the "I feel guilty about slavery" white population and the entire population of individuals who have or will discover this: se

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:49 | 2345265 Eireann go Brach
Eireann go Brach's picture

I heard Joe Biden was their too, but could not get it up!

Fri, 04/13/2012 - 23:37 | 2343222 TheBadgersSett
TheBadgersSett's picture

Wonderfull italicised innuendo.



Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:07 | 2343258 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



Are you intoning Italians were involved with their endos?

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:21 | 2343278 TheBadgersSett
TheBadgersSett's picture

I'm doing no such thing, merely showing my appreciation for the sexual creativity of the author/wordsmith.


Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:32 | 2343289 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



I take it you're a pretty serious guy in person.   Not like the uber-jovial knee slapper you come across here.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 02:20 | 2343446 putaipan
putaipan's picture

but he said....innuendo. ( take this as a big green up aso)

.... a measured,relieved quickie- trickle down liquidity inna tight/loose spillover embiggened by a trim waxing.....innuendo.

uh-oh, beautiful mid syndrome kicking in. wanna play fuck you buddy? let's chat.




Sat, 04/14/2012 - 02:23 | 2343469 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Is knee slapping a new fetish? Like spanking or Bukkake?

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 03:03 | 2343502 putaipan
putaipan's picture


mmmmmm. alternative monogamy.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 13:26 | 2345421 MayIMommaDogFac...
MayIMommaDogFace2theBananaPatch's picture

Only when it's you doing it, Ms.

Do it again -- would you?

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:59 | 2345271 TheBadgersSett
TheBadgersSett's picture

Correct. Extremely serious. I haven't laughed since the late 80s & that was only because of the cocaine.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 16:38 | 2345655 Phil Free
Phil Free's picture

Honey Badger Don't Care.  LOL!


Fri, 04/13/2012 - 23:48 | 2343228 JW n FL
JW n FL's picture



According to the AP, <-------------- is a Virus! in the story above DO NOT CLICK THE LINK!! <--- this link is NOT a bait and switch security virus!

Fri, 04/13/2012 - 23:45 | 2343230 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

 Stay sharp Tyler! It's easy to get caught up in trades/life! I'le catch ya in New York/ F/X open Sunday!

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 01:59 | 2343351 BeetleBailey
BeetleBailey's picture

Yen Cross:


You be careful out there, among dem English!


Long/Short - go get 'em!

Fri, 04/13/2012 - 23:51 | 2343234 ChrisFromMorningside
ChrisFromMorningside's picture

Can't fault them. Colombian women are beautiful. They're hit-or-miss but when they hit, oh boy.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:24 | 2343281 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

i wouldn't be so sure they hired female pros.  don't ask don't tell also applies to the secret service.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 01:00 | 2343310 ChrisFromMorningside
ChrisFromMorningside's picture

Good point. Considering all the rumors of gay prostitutes at Bohemian Grove and places like that, you're probably right.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 02:38 | 2343574 putaipan
putaipan's picture

bush's fault.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 05:37 | 2344877 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

Untrue. I read they were all Columbians with Brazililians.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 09:05 | 2345169 SoCalBusted
SoCalBusted's picture

you mean BUSHES fault

Fri, 04/13/2012 - 23:55 | 2343239 non_anon
non_anon's picture

keep whipping out your wallets

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 08:11 | 2345129 max2205
max2205's picture

Jobs with benifits

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 16:42 | 2345661 Phil Free
Phil Free's picture

Rim job benefits.



Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:01 | 2343246 Oh-Globits
Oh-Globits's picture

seems like everyone is getting FUCKED by the US government nowadays


Sat, 04/14/2012 - 16:43 | 2345663 Phil Free
Phil Free's picture

The worst part?  Not even being offered lube.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:06 | 2343253 a growing concern
a growing concern's picture


Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:56 | 2345269 JW n FL
JW n FL's picture



it is amazing when you first figure it out..

now watch how hard you can be on Tyler going forward.. now that you have been spoiled! LOL!! dont get mad... it happens to all of us.

Tyler must always be perfect and if NOT! then we must beat on him, like a rent a car on vacation!

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:09 | 2343255 suteibu
suteibu's picture

Who would have thought that the world's oldest profession would be at risk from the "leader of the free world's" entourage?  The US is suffering a leadership vacuum if those guys didn't know to keep it zipped up on an official state visit.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:55 | 2343305 AgShaman
AgShaman's picture

Govt pawns have no discipline....they need a chaperon....

Somebody that's a bit more responsible and trustworthy...yet connects with and speaks to their level of maturity and intellect...

Pauly Shore....perhaps could be the "Head-Master"....of the 'Little Misters'

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 17:00 | 2345683 Phil Free
Phil Free's picture

These guys didn't start work last week.  They've got many years of experience.  This tells me that this isn't a "Omigosh! Don't know how this happened!  A one-off mistake!".  Their fuck-up was not opting for the "Blow & Go" -- it was making whoever they made responsible to pay the bill ... responsible for paying the bill. 


Collection agency?  Angry pimp? No.  How about World-wide press coverage!!  When you have bills that have this kind of bounce-back, you don't just "not pay them".

ANd you know SOMEone's getting in trouble on this one -- which I bet will not be any other people .. who were involved .. just the schmuck who didn't pay the tab and caused all the commotion.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:08 | 2343259 Hansel
Hansel's picture

A man is judged by the company he keeps.  Obama apparently keeps scum.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 23:57 | 2346086 prole
prole's picture

Oh yeah like you've never hired a bunch of Columbian whores on your generous .gov per diem

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:37 | 2343292 Money Squid
Money Squid's picture

That show if fuggen great !

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 17:02 | 2345686 Phil Free
Phil Free's picture

... just the tip!


Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:15 | 2343265 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



"Senor, is that an Uzi in your coat or are you just happy to cream us?"

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:15 | 2343266 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



This is too much.  Someone put a governor on me before I explode.   As long as she's clean I don't give a shit.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 15:00 | 2345487 Cpl Hicks
Cpl Hicks's picture

Take Gov. Gregoire (Washington State).

She'll put a damper on your silliness and right quick!

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:14 | 2343267 alagon
alagon's picture

goddamn time they should buy american hookers in order to stimulate the economy....

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 05:39 | 2344893 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

Rent. Not buy.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:19 | 2343272 Bansters-in-my-...
Bansters-in-my- feces's picture

Obama was pissed he was going to have to get sloppy seconds.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:24 | 2345250 Hulk
Hulk's picture

Don't want to get Secret Service Sauce all over the Obama...

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:22 | 2343274 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



There's nothing like a good Columbian grind in the morning.    Aromatic, dusky flavorings with just a hint of spice toward the end.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 02:44 | 2343619 wee-weed up
wee-weed up's picture

Looks like the SS guys decided to add their own "cream."

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:22 | 2343279 Pairadimes
Pairadimes's picture

Who is this 'Miss Conduct' you mention, and exactly where would we find her?

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:26 | 2343282 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

How does one apply for a job on the Presidental detail.......asking for a friend.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:29 | 2343286 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



The Columbians give us cocaine and we give them cockaine.  


Sat, 04/14/2012 - 06:47 | 2345097 StychoKiller
StychoKiller's picture

Man, you ARE ON A TEAR tonite!  :>D :>D

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:39 | 2343296 Money Squid
Money Squid's picture

Using my ESP I foresee 12 openings sooon....

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 01:03 | 2343311 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



Hey,  those agents foresaw at least 12 openings and maybe even 36.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 02:13 | 2343408 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

I can tell you're not a bankster; you don't think nearly big enough as your numbers have no commas in them.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:36 | 2345257 Bobbyrib
Bobbyrib's picture

Imagine if anyone one of those SS guys were married. Imagine having to explain to your wife you got shitcanned for banging hookers in Columbia..

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 01:31 | 2343326 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

Presidentail detail. selling your soul?  STAY TRUE Lizzy!

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:28 | 2343287 Pairadimes
Pairadimes's picture

So not only are we all 'getting fucked by the U.S. Government', but the country is now exporting 'getting fucked by the U.S. Government'. At least this is one part of the national portfolio with a positive balance of trade.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 02:34 | 2343288 SgtSchultz
SgtSchultz's picture

Did they expense it or would per diem cover it?  Whats going to happen to hookers in a cashless society?  I am stocking up on Tide.

 Fuck gold or silver.  I want TIDE!

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 02:35 | 2343552 putaipan
putaipan's picture

schultz- sshhhhhh! first rule of stalag club- there are no good investments.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 07:59 | 2345124 BidnessMan
BidnessMan's picture

Doubt they are bothering with expense reports.  Not that I have personal experience, but next door to Columbia in Ecuador, the going rate is $20 at a "nightclub" in Quito where the locals go, and $10 in smaller towns.  Legal, regulated, and accepted.  A lot of the girls are from Columbia - make more money in Ecuador.  So by extrapolation the going rate in Columbia is $20 or less.  And at least in Ecuador very attractive - can understand why the SS guys would be tempted if Columbia is similar.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 08:24 | 2345140 shovelhead
shovelhead's picture

Hopefully, in that case, the taxpayers are on the hook for less than the Occounting Offices little jaunt to Vegas.

Compared to $3200 for a clown, I'd say the SS got the better deal.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 08:29 | 2345145 youngman
youngman's picture

No Cartagena is a big tourist town..expensive..and these guys would be treated to high class girls....I am asuming girls..but maybe in Obamas detail it was guys... but they run 75 -100 for a high class looker....doer.....I would....I have..I live down that is why they call them the "Secret Service"...I wonder if they do it with their ear phones in?????

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 12:06 | 2345346 Buckaroo Banzai
Buckaroo Banzai's picture

Why the fuck would they skip out on a $100 tab? That seems odd.

Any security service even marginally competent would NEVER let something like this get into the paper.

Has anybody considered this whole thing might be a setup?

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 16:15 | 2345629 NewThor
NewThor's picture


Obama gets 12 'new' Secret Service agents.


Sun, 04/15/2012 - 00:14 | 2346094 prole
prole's picture

BB This is an obvious set-up. Kind of reminds me-- woops -- of what somebody told me!

Evidently none of you altar boys has ever engaged in this type of shenanigans overseas, I guess you are all so often mistaken for Tom Cruise there's no need for that, but somebody once told me, once, that these 'sex industry' professionals spend more time and effort into setting up their "dates" in scams and rip-offs for extortion than they ever do ~ well, what people think they are  doing.


Sun, 04/15/2012 - 22:20 | 2346321 BidnessMan
BidnessMan's picture

Well it does depend upon the process.  Someone once told me, once, that at a nightclub the girls in various revealing outfits are mingling with the patrons.  You survey the talent, chat as you please, nurse your beer, make a rental decision, hand over a $20, the girl gets a room ticket, and I am told you go to an upstairs room for your 30 minutes of company. The proprietor does not want any trouble, the girls want to be allowed to stay and make money, and you get the service you paid for.  The proprietor makes money on a cover charge, selling drinks, and room fees, and pays his taxes.  A couple of bouncers and the local gendarmes respond quickly if there is any commotion.  I have been told it is a reasonable business exchange where everyone gets what they want without exception.  Long term customers, so no short term incentive to rip off a repeat customer of the nightclub.  The talent evolves so there is always variety.  But you need to go where the locals go, and the talent level varies - some nightclubs are good and some are not.  No doubt there are rip-offs of stupid gringos who might think they are lucky / charming the pants off a pretty single girl having a drink at a high end hotel lounge, but stupid gringos often get ripped off.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 18:20 | 2345692 Phil Free
Phil Free's picture

Wow -- and they dodged the bill.  For a $20 girl?  For it to be worth dodging, the rest of the bill had better have been really, really good coke.

Bobcat "I-Can't-Feel-My-Face" Goldthwait FTW!!


Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:32 | 2343290 FischerBlack
FischerBlack's picture

Ah, Cartagena....

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:34 | 2343291 Money Squid
Money Squid's picture

BlowJob in Chief, bitchez

"even those jobs have proven to be quite transitory..." did you mean "tranny"?

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:44 | 2343299 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

Good thing Obama is Gay

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 01:13 | 2343304 Divine Wind
Divine Wind's picture

AlertsUSA sent a flash to my phone reporting several bombs exploding near the embassy in Bogota shortly after POTUS landed. Nothing to speak of on this from the U.S. major media.

This was a massive security fuckup of monumental proportions.

Stinketh of honeypot.


[Added Later...]


The more I think about this the more I smell bullshit.

Secret Service agents that do the advance work for the Presidential Protective Detail are highly trained, highly disciplined, carefully selected and fully aware of the consequences of a screwup in this AOR. 12 agents? Not a chance. I would believe 1 agent, requiring a removal of an entire team/unit and a new plan.

Something is up.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 10:33 | 2345255 dwdollar
dwdollar's picture

"Secret Service agents that do the advance work for the Presidential Protective Detail are highly trained, highly disciplined, carefully selected and fully aware of the consequences of a screwup in this AOR. 12 agents? Not a chance."

That is because you fail to understand how fair society has fallen.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:54 | 2343307 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Obama is as useful as a discarded monthly  [7 day ] cunt rag rotation cycle.

World-Systems Theory

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 00:59 | 2343309 Clowns to the l...
Clowns to the left_ jokers to the right's picture

A hooker opens the zipper on Obama's pants, reaches inside and a puzzled look comes over her face. She pauses for a moment then says:

Oh, that's right. You're only half black!

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 04:31 | 2344396 Angus McHugepenis
Angus McHugepenis's picture

Ha ha... I'm stealing that. Are you sure it was a female hooker?

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 08:58 | 2345163 Mesquite
Mesquite's picture

Stay focused...This story isn't about Chicago...

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 01:04 | 2343312 Yes_Questions
Yes_Questions's picture




Hehehe said trim:

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 01:22 | 2343317 tongue.stan
tongue.stan's picture

Fluffers for the Totus!


Seriously, is every asshole in the US govt absolutely compromised? This is literaly the most blackmailed administration ever.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 01:35 | 2343332 Caviar Emptor
Caviar Emptor's picture

Makes DSK look like a dull mid-level bureaucrat

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 01:22 | 2343318 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

A> symetric Like a (315 yr -25 (20) ) on a Ferrari ?

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 01:29 | 2343324 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

these guys are treasury agents, right? 

who blabbed?  unrequitedUndercoverLuver?

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 01:31 | 2343329 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

  Who cares ? I'm expatriated!

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 17:17 | 2345698 Phil Free
Phil Free's picture

There's a professional I know who you can see about that.


Sat, 04/14/2012 - 01:30 | 2343325 Walt D.
Walt D.'s picture

What did she blow and when did she blow it?

Compared to this the GSA boondoggle has been blown out of all proportion!

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 01:31 | 2343328 lunaticfringe
lunaticfringe's picture

I am long south american bitches. Very bullish on that dark skin. Probably I get sent home too.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 01:39 | 2343330 Caviar Emptor
Caviar Emptor's picture

Long Dong straddle with butterfly spread

A hot inside tip. 

And don't get incensed 

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 11:14 | 2345297 Amish Hacker
Amish Hacker's picture

Don't forget to overweight convexity of the belly.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 01:35 | 2343333 Yen Cross
Yen Cross's picture

The Swiss ( Courts) Just upheld privacy laws, this week. I don't have any SWISS acounts!

 The IRS has over reached!

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 05:42 | 2344910 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

And yet they won't have the gdamn common courtesy to give you a reach-around.

Sat, 04/14/2012 - 01:52 | 2343345 Raymond Reason
Raymond Reason's picture

Marvelous double entendres! 


Sat, 04/14/2012 - 02:06 | 2343348 jmc8888
jmc8888's picture

Now just to put the speculation (instead of jimmy) cap on, one might ask the following stiff questions.


Doesn't this sort of thing go on (and come up) all the time in just about every c(o)untry's political 'apparatus'?

Why is this being 'pulled out' now?  Who pulled the carpet out from under the (mouth of the) secret service?


In the land of cocaine, any random 'stiff' can be made as a fall guy. 

New men provide a plausible chaotic cover if anything crazy 'happens'.

Can the pres trust that the new guys will 'take one for the team'?


Who knows, someone might 'unload' some lead at Obama. 

A manufactured opportunity that has seemingly 'risen' from out of nowhere.

Of course this will never happen, but if one wanted initiate something nefarious, this would could be part of a 'well oiled plan'.


Crazier things have happened, and history doesn't just happen, it's directed, like a movie from Jack Horner.

Well, It's probably just history rhyming, and in this case it rhymes with luck and truck. 

Which incidentally might describe what the agents were feeling down deep, while also describing the location where 'things' got 'out of hand'.


Obama should thank his lucky stars he didn't cum down there early.  Just think of the mess that would have created!

Just s(pr)aying!




Sat, 04/14/2012 - 02:23 | 2343437 Divine Wind
Divine Wind's picture

Very astute observations mixed with select misspellings and innuendos.

A+ in creative writing!


Lots of evil types in this part of the world.

Iranian-backed Hezbollah is all over the place in Central and South America, and in particular the Tri-border region.

Also close to the Mexican cartels.

Don't forget the close ties between Venezuela and Iran. Iranian ships visited Chavez last year if I recall correctly. In fact, the are both collaborating in the construction of missile bases in on Paraguana Peninsula north of Caracas. Long-range missile bases...

Shhhh. That is supposed to be a secret....





Sat, 04/14/2012 - 02:59 | 2343674 putaipan
putaipan's picture

must be spooky to be obama. a divine 888 wind has revealed layers and layers beyond layers. hey- if obama was as 'socialist' as the republicrats on this forum and the outside world think he is, he'd be in peru, bolivia and venezuala drumming up some goodwill. the opposite makes me think that whoever the real bowers that pee in cloumbia are - are the very one's that obama ,and us, should be very afraid of. got banks?

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