Obama's Latest Bailout Plan Summarized In 4 Words: "3000 Bucks For Thingamajigs"

Tyler Durden's picture




 

For those who missed Obama's post-NFP sermon on Friday, here is a summary of the Keynesian-in-Chief's latest plan to fix the country: $3000 for everyone to buy "thingamajigs." We wish this was a joke.

The farce gets going 25 seconds in.

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Mon, 06/04/2012 - 09:43 | 2491437 tsx500
tsx500's picture

NOBAMA 2012 ! ! !

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 09:49 | 2491481 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

NOBAMA NOROMNEY 2012!!

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 09:54 | 2491525 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

Meet the new boss, same as the old - http://articles.cnn.com/2008-02-13/politics/bush.stimulus_1_rebate-checks-economic-stimulus-act-stimulus-bill?_s=PM:POLITICS

"The package will pay $600 to most individual taxpayers and $1,200 to married taxpayers filing joint returns, so long as they are below income caps of $75,000 for individuals and $150,000 for couples. There is also a $300 per child tax credit.Watch Bush sign stimulus bill into law"

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 09:55 | 2491538 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture

 

 

Hope and change kickin in.......finally!

 

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:02 | 2491566 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

 

 

 

I like $3,000?

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:03 | 2491602 malikai
malikai's picture

O's got electrolytes, bro.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:04 | 2491612 Manthong
Manthong's picture

My thingamajig automatically goes up every morning and down when I go to sleep.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:27 | 2491719 Obummer
Obummer's picture

Ladies and gentlemen, fellow Americans, good citizens of the world. You have heard me speak about our rapidly increasing Federal deficit.  You know that I have come out against the wasteful spending that characterizes our government, and you know that I feel that our inability to address the cause of our escalating debt is due to a lack of leadership in Congress and the failings of the Bush administration that I inherited only a few short years ago.

Good people of America, did you ever ask yourself, "What would I do if someone suddenly dropped three thousand dollars in my lap, right now?"  Folks, three thousand dollars is a lot of money.  I know what you could do with three thousand dollars.  We all have whatchamacallits and whozits and thingamajigs that we have to buy over and over to keep up with twenty-first century life.  Three thousand dollars would go a long way to buying these things, these necessities, and if everyone spent three thousand dollars at the same time, imagine the bump that would give our economy!

Well, if Congressional leadership is lacking then I will not sit idly by, not as long as I am President of this great country.  Today I am calling on Congress to provide tax breaks for each and every one of you to the tune of (pause for effect)  Three.  Thousand.  Dollars.  That's right, I said three thousand.  This will be money that will go directly into the pockets of the American people, just in time for election season so that you can use your thingamajigs to be sure to get out to the polls and vote.  Voting is what makes this country great!  And I know you are probably thinking that just because you already don't pay taxes you may be left out.  But don't worry, you will still get your fair share!

You may hear some people say that spending this kind of money on whatchamacallits and thingamabobbers and boondoggles is bad, that this is antithetical to American values.  But you know as well as I do that these people are extremists and fat cats and they don't want what is good for the American people, that these people want to take away your rightfully earned three thousand dollars.  Well, we are watching the situation closely.  And to these extremists let me be clear; the people will have their money; they will have their three thousand dollars.  We do this for the greater good of Americans of all walks of life.

Thank you, good night, and God bless America.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:28 | 2491761 fourchan
fourchan's picture

too bad china now makes all our thingamajigs.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:35 | 2491801 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture

 

Votes inflate too.

Someone tell him it's gonna take $30,000 2 buy my vote.  Hell yeah I'll thingamajig dat show like no tomorrow mofo.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:40 | 2491831 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

How many widgets can I buy for $3,000?

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:54 | 2491902 Badabing
Badabing's picture

$3000 thats only $9,000,000,000 of printing. the banks got $700,000,000,000 for the first bailout we should get the same thats $233,000 each

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:55 | 2491924 Mr Lennon Hendrix
Mr Lennon Hendrix's picture

WHO WANTS MONEY?!

- The President of the United States, Barack H. Obama, June 1st, 2012

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:01 | 2491940 Element
Element's picture

"It's for the greater-good." - Dr. Paul Special-K

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:09 | 2491987 Temporalist
Temporalist's picture

Speaking of crooks:

MF Global Trustee May Bring Corzine Negligence Claims

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-06-04/mf-global-trustee-believes-claims-may-be-made-against-corzine.html

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 14:50 | 2492920 HoofHearted
HoofHearted's picture

I want to replace the thingamajig in the Oval Office. Can we do that for $3000, because I'd pay that amount to replace it. (And I'll pass around the hat to see if anyone else wants to get rid of him too.)

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:35 | 2492115 Silver Bully
Silver Bully's picture

'$3000 thats only $9,000,000,000 of printing.'

 

I think you're missing a few 0's there. Try $900 billion. Waitaminute. $3,000?! Quick, someone get banzai7 on an bernanke indecent proposal, stat!

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 12:43 | 2492364 Bwahaha WAGFDSMB
Bwahaha WAGFDSMB's picture

You would be correct if the population was only 3 million.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 13:14 | 2492474 The Alarmist
The Alarmist's picture

Isnt 'Thingamajigs' a racist term?

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 15:28 | 2493052 John_Coltrane
John_Coltrane's picture

To avoid future math problems use scientific notation:

3 x 10^3 ($bribe/person) * 3.5 * 10^8(US population) ~10^10^11 = 1 T$!  (A little less than our current deficit)

Ain't these community organizers great!

(I just want axcess to the $:  A real quote from a Rodney King rioter/looter when asked what this riot was all about)

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:40 | 2491832 ElvisDog
ElvisDog's picture

I'm with you. $3000 is not enough. I want $30000, and I want it before everyone else gets theirs so I can go out and buy PM before price takes off.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 12:10 | 2492239 Matt
Matt's picture

I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty
I've got who's-its and what's-its galore
You want thing-a-mabobs?
I've got twenty
But who cares? No big deal. I want more

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0r9W2Hlxa0

Maybe Banzai can go somewhere with this.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 18:54 | 2493908 hedgehog9999
hedgehog9999's picture

Agreed, $3000 of thingamagigs from this fucktard is a stimulus for the Chinese who specialize in making that kind of shit, 150M recipients is less than 1/2 Trillion, a few hundred points down on the DOW. 

Chomp change , or maybe Chimp change which is like,  I give you $3000 and you monkeys vote for me and the deficit increases another notch ......................if he gets re-elected, then we really deserve him!

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 23:11 | 2494688 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Choom change... or maybe Choom we can believe in.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 18:56 | 2493913 mkkby
mkkby's picture

Agreed.  3000 is not enough.  Romney, what do you bid?  My vote goes to who ever gives me the most free shit.

Vote for congressman, at least $500.  Judges, city council -- $100 each.  Pay up, bitchez.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 12:11 | 2491892 Shocker
Shocker's picture

Because right now, businesses are hurting.

 

 

.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 14:14 | 2492777 Hi Ho Silver
Hi Ho Silver's picture

He doesn't need your vote.  Soros will be counting the ballots in Spain . ;o)

 

 

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:41 | 2491833 mcguire
mcguire's picture

from widget to thingamajig = progressive ebonic economic theory.. its the new thing(amajig).  

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:02 | 2491954 A Lunatic
A Lunatic's picture

Bushmaster makes some pretty nice thingamajigs.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:24 | 2492063 tlnzz
tlnzz's picture

Yes they do. Lake City also.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:48 | 2492164 Chaos_Theory
Chaos_Theory's picture

Springfield Armory M1A SOCOM I ~$1600, plus either a Trijicon holographic sight or a decent scout scope ~$550, plus 1,000 rounds of 308 Winchester rounds ~$600 = $2750....leaving $250 for a nice Swamp Rat Ratmandu knife and gun cleaning supplies. 

Thanks Dear Leader!

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:46 | 2491874 Element
Element's picture

No, this will not lead to ...

i n f l a t i o n

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:04 | 2491965 FlyoverCountryS...
FlyoverCountrySchmuck's picture

"What would I do if someone suddenly dropped three thousand dollars in my lap, right now?" "

Most of Obama's Base Voters would head straight to the local Casino with it, just like they do now at the first of every month, when the Free Gubment Money! comes...

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:15 | 2492012 malikai
malikai's picture

Why? They'll get better odds at the local crackhouse.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:06 | 2491610 uno
uno's picture

O has caved to the 0.1% on everything important except for 1 thingamajig --- bombing Iran. That's why I see O not winning, remember it's not the voting that matters, it's who counts the votes - Iowa Primary this year.  BTW Romney is close friend with Netanyahu and will happily bomb Iran and be a good puppet for the 0.0001%.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:34 | 2491798 pods
pods's picture

Well, if the NYT story is correct, O has kept up a newer, more gentler type of warfare with Iran.

pods

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:58 | 2492200 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

a virus begets a virus

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:44 | 2491858 AGuy
AGuy's picture

Let's See $3000 * 300 Million Americans = $900 Billion. Or was this just for taxpayers (excluding non-working people)?

 

 

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:59 | 2491939 A Nanny Moose
A Nanny Moose's picture

Just for the "taxpayers" who pay no income taxes.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:31 | 2491776 mickeyman
mickeyman's picture

Don't buy the hype. He's just trying to save the Facebomb IPO. "Thingamajigs" is code for "Facebook shares".

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:09 | 2491991 mendigo
mendigo's picture

OMG
I fear you may be onto something. Oh the pain. A ponzi sharing plan.
I am waiting for the counter-offer myself.
Perhaps Mr Paul could offer a nice even Eagle.
Bring-it on baby!

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:53 | 2491853 Normalcy Bias
Normalcy Bias's picture

This cheap hustler will stop at nothing to get reelected. I'm waiting for his 'October Surprise' student loan forgiveness plan...

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:38 | 2492124 Silver Bully
Silver Bully's picture

These cheap hustlers will stop at nothing to get reelected. I'm waiting for their 'October Surprise' student loan forgiveness plan...

 

There, fixed it since you forgot CONgress and the rest of the criminals running the show.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 09:56 | 2491542 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

He's pretty smart for saying that. It could mean gold/silver coins or firearms.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:04 | 2491609 FlyoverCountryS...
FlyoverCountrySchmuck's picture

FREE OBAMA MONEY, FROM HIS STASH!!

Does anybody in the media recall this is what Bush did?? Or is the politically-correct DoubleThink too strong?

Also, does anyone remember that the REPUBLICAN Stimulus Plan was to give every TAXPAYER $5,000 in early 2009, instead of giving trillions to Obama's cronies as political payback?

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:25 | 2491747 Hippocratic Oaf
Hippocratic Oaf's picture

Ghetto

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:20 | 2492044 mendigo
mendigo's picture

Hmm I like it.
An (color) Ipad in every home.
I hope those guys are taking notes.
Janice needs to work that in:Oh Lord won't you buy me a new SUV. My friends all got Ipads and I'm stuck with this PC.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:39 | 2491826 Yankee.go.home
Yankee.go.home's picture

"THANK YOU."

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:56 | 2491929 GoBadgers
GoBadgers's picture

Yes, I remember that. But what's really amazing is they gave the current mouthpiece a Noble Prize and his acolytes believed he was The Messiah v2.0.

And now he's a economic genius. The miracles never cease.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:37 | 2491807 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

Ah since I work 70 hours per week I guess I don't get the motherfucking freebie.  At least I can pay for it, though. Fuck this *********** ************ shithole.

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