Obama's Latest Bailout Plan Summarized In 4 Words: "3000 Bucks For Thingamajigs"

Tyler Durden's picture


For those who missed Obama's post-NFP sermon on Friday, here is a summary of the Keynesian-in-Chief's latest plan to fix the country: $3000 for everyone to buy "thingamajigs." We wish this was a joke.

The farce gets going 25 seconds in.

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Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:52 | 2491911 Debugas
Debugas's picture

you should stop working for dollars and start working for things obama can not print (like gold etc)

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:57 | 2491933 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

Well there is some flowthrough to things like PMs and mining shares...

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:02 | 2491957 marriedgeordie
marriedgeordie's picture

Oh yeah I remember that one - spent the money towards my vacation in Greece then. True story.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 21:16 | 2494301 Prometheus418
Prometheus418's picture

I'll do the same thing this time I did last time- $600 got me a spankin' new 30-30 with a Bushnell elite firefly scope.  Didn't figure a lever action needed a scope like that, so I traded it for a pretty decent 870 Wingmaster.

Sure, not as evil-looking as some prefer, but they do the trick in a pinch.  $3000 will get me a 1911 and a tactical .410 for the misses, with a little left over for PMs and dried beans.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:33 | 2492110 toady
toady's picture

I hated that shit then, and I REALLY HATE that shit now. Why does this only come up in an election year? Hmmmm, buying votes maybe?

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:37 | 2491810 BLOTTO
BLOTTO's picture

It reminds me of the Town Hall meeting Obama had during his 2008 campaign, i believe...

He completely stutters and is absent minded when teleprompter FAILS...


lol at breathalyzer for asthma patient.


Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:46 | 2491871 F. Bastiat
F. Bastiat's picture

Well, at least Romney would not actively and purposely undermine the country and its Constitution as the Hawaiian Allende is doing.  While perhaps not the optimal choice, Romney's still a better choice.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:28 | 2492089 ITrustMyGut
ITrustMyGut's picture

time to lower your current dosage friend...

obama = bush3

oromney = bush4

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:47 | 2492156 F. Bastiat
F. Bastiat's picture

Not even close.  Obama makes George W. look like Albert Einstein and Bill Clinton look like Abe Lincoln.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:59 | 2492206 pods
pods's picture

Hmmm, maybe he is still stuck reading the 1st amendment.

"Deadly assault weapons have no place in Massachusetts,” Romney said, at a bill signing ceremony with legislators, sportsmen’s groups and gun safety advocates.  “These guns are not made for recreation or self-defense.  They are instruments of destruction with the sole purpose of hunting down and killing people.

-Mitt Romney”

I didn't know that the 2nd amendment was unclear:

A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.

(I used the commonly accepted as ratified version of the amendment, which is a bit more ambiguous as it removes some commas. The version ratified by Congress was much clearer.)


Mon, 06/04/2012 - 12:35 | 2492331 F. Bastiat
F. Bastiat's picture

I'm not claiming Romney's great; I'm simply claiming that he doesn't have a history of actively undermining the US Constitution and actively attacking the fiscal integrity of the United States government, as the Hawaiian Allende does.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 12:50 | 2492390 pods
pods's picture

Well if you are claiming he doesn't have a history of actively undermining the US Constitution then you have not read the post you were replying to.

Unless you are now using the conjunction "actively undermining the US constitution AND actively attacking the fiscal integrity of the United States government" as your premise.

To that I would chuckle when you lump US government and fiscal integrity together in the same sentence.

And it case you might think I am supportive of the other side due to my argument, I see no acceptable evidence that he was actually born in Hawaii.


Mon, 06/04/2012 - 12:56 | 2492414 Bwahaha WAGFDSMB
Bwahaha WAGFDSMB's picture

How is undermining the second amendment not undermining the constitution?

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 09:53 | 2491513 Doña K
Doña K's picture

If you gonna print and give to banks, might as well give some of that to the people. Helicopter drop to each household= tax break for those who pay taxes and gift to those who don't.

That's how you buy votes. Brilliand

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 09:57 | 2491540 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

Considering I still owe over $4k to Uncle Sam, I would bet this stimulus would be credited to what I "owe".  Then again, I am one of those evil rich people whole will make more money than what is allowed for this helicopter drop.

In any event, I guess Obama has some Bernanke mini-copters - http://www.amazon.com/Wheels-Propper-Chopper-Helicopter-Folding/dp/B003S5RXCC

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:16 | 2491701 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

They'll put it in your pocket with one hand while the other lifts your wallet.  How's that $3000 compare to the tax bomb coming 1/1/13? Remember the 'stimulus' in 2008? They put $6-1200 in everyone's pocket with borrowed money and then they Hoovered it back out by running gas up to $4+ a gallon. How long did that money last?

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:32 | 2491784 boiltherich
boiltherich's picture

WTF?  I missed that one, 6-800 in every pocket except for your disabled vets, we got 250.  I do not favor any stimulus aside from a days pay for a days work, but if you are going to drop money on the public it damned well needs to be equal. 

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:59 | 2491938 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

Well I didn't see it at all. I'm self employed and was told it was not available except as a tax credit but for whatever reason my accountant said I wouldn't see it...frankly I could give a crap about $600 or $3000, I just want to keep it in my pocket in the first place. Why give it to .Gov and have them blow it and borrow it back from the Chinese and then send it back to me. 

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:09 | 2491986 MachoMan
MachoMan's picture

Don't you remember Bush's $300-$600 deal?  Handing that shit out like making it rain on hookers at scores...  where did that money go?  It literally did nothing to stall the crash...  not even a hiccup or second look...  nosedive. 

There is a fundamental misunderstanding about what "rational" people do with money when it's just handed to them...  we cannot model moral hazard...  if we desire certainty and consistency, then moral hazard simply has to be avoided...

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:16 | 2491702 XitSam
XitSam's picture

But cancelling your debt to the government would not be stimulative. They will actually give you the FRNs and prevent you from paying off the debt with it. Don't think so? They prevented banks from repaying bailout loans early.

Notice how he is hunched over the lectern, head bobbing left and right to the teleprompters. It takes him a little bit to realize he got a laugh, a positive reaction, and see how his attitude changes from another dreary speech he has to give to happy Barack, smiles, he stands up straight, ad libs some to continue the laugh.  What this guy truly wants is not respect or support, but to be adored. 

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:23 | 2492057 Crumbles
Crumbles's picture

First impression when viewing the (thankfully short) video was that it played just like any game show where the host actor suddenly got a lift from the audience during a bunch of dull contestants and played it for laughter - the equivalent of love from an audiance.

As seen on any campaign trail, Obummer just wants to be loved, by anyone and everyone, and laughter seems to be the best substitute - after all, it worked for Carson, and Leno, and (Bob) Hope - some of the best-loved men in the televised media for 40 - 50 years.

And, like the others, Obummer is just an actor - doing the bidding of some directors, whose names we dare not speak.

Does Lord Rothschild come to mind ???  Wonder who all will be on the conference call tomorrow?

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:11 | 2491662 CommunityStandard
CommunityStandard's picture

Not surprised at all.  The last two QEs were eaten by the banks.  If given to the people to spend, it'll actually enter the economy, be spent on ithings, and then stuffed into Apple's engorged cash account.  Inflation - check.  Bought votes - check.  Obummer 2012.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 09:54 | 2491527 ArkansasAngie
ArkansasAngie's picture

Neither a Republican nor Democrat be

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 09:55 | 2491532 BabyShoes
BabyShoes's picture

Give me $3000 so I can buy some silver and gold thingamajigs.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 09:57 | 2491553 scatterbrains
scatterbrains's picture

I'm never going to get my washout gold fills am I?  wtf

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:33 | 2491791 boiltherich
boiltherich's picture

If they give me $3000 I will use it to file Chapter 7 and leave the country.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:38 | 2491820 RafterManFMJ
RafterManFMJ's picture

LOL nice.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:34 | 2491794 ceilidh_trail
ceilidh_trail's picture

My name on the NYT website was nobamanomour- until they blocked me... Clicked on ob's banner ad for dinner with bo. (ZH can always use a little coin) Noticed his site asks what "state/region/province" you are from. Canada uses provinces. I thought we used states down here. Ain't it illegal to take $$$ from non US sources for fed campaigns?

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:41 | 2491835 William113
William113's picture

I want mine in GOLD please.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:02 | 2491958 Grinder74
Grinder74's picture

Hail to the 44th and Bestest White President ever!!!

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:15 | 2492013 Seafarer57
Seafarer57's picture

Tyler-did you mean Keyan-in-chief instead of Keynesian-in-chief? A common oversight.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 15:40 | 2493114 John_Coltrane
John_Coltrane's picture

Love that motto:  where can I get one for my car?

Obummer 2012:  "Lean forward taxpayer, we're not done yet!"

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 11:40 | 2492129 Silver Bully
Silver Bully's picture


Mon, 06/04/2012 - 12:27 | 2492304 rotagen
rotagen's picture

Dumb guys make me feel all warm and cozy inside.  Gee he's a swell guy Wally!  Meet me at the malt shop.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 23:49 | 2494761 Hopeless for Change
Hopeless for Change's picture

A skeptic might say that Obama was trying to buy millions of thingamajigs for $3,000 each, if by "thingamajigs" you meant "votes". 

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 09:44 | 2491440 Joe Davola
Joe Davola's picture

But, I'm in dire need of some whatchamacallits.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 09:49 | 2491483 Raymond K Hessel
Raymond K Hessel's picture




No no no.  Not whatchamacallits.  

You can't buy whatchamacallits with government money.  That's crazy.  

Thingamajigs.  That's it.  Buy thingamajigs.  It's the patriotic thing to do.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 09:53 | 2491516 Joe Davola
Joe Davola's picture

So you're saying the whatchamacallit manufacturers better step up their support for the president's reelection?

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 09:55 | 2491539 thecoloredsky
thecoloredsky's picture

I say this is discrimination against the widget manufacturers.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 09:58 | 2491567 scatterbrains
scatterbrains's picture

That's dat ole boolshit

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 09:59 | 2491572 LetThemEatRand
LetThemEatRand's picture

They are all in China anyway, so what's the diff. 

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 09:59 | 2491574 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

"If you don't buy Thingamajigs, the terrorists will win.  Go shopping bitchez."  George W. Obama.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:06 | 2491604 resurger
resurger's picture

3X thingamajigs & 2whatchamacallits!!!!

it's1778- punch it innnnnnnnnn

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:34 | 2491795 Amish Hacker
Amish Hacker's picture

Or lever up with Whatchamacall options and Thingamaputs.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:11 | 2491666 jimijon
jimijon's picture

And what about Sprockets?! Here at Spacely Sprockets we are also feeling slighted. Are our spockets not good enough? Are our lobbying efforts not lavish enough.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:55 | 2491925 Argonaught
Argonaught's picture

The big O didn't touch your monkey?   Oh ah...wrong Sprockets

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 14:41 | 2492886 midgetrannyporn
midgetrannyporn's picture

I prefer Cogswell Cogs.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:13 | 2491676 Kayman
Kayman's picture

$3000 to encourage hiring = good idea

$3000 to buy shit from China = dumb idea

But let's consider the source.  An American politician.

Mon, 06/04/2012 - 10:12 | 2491671 FlyoverCountryS...
FlyoverCountrySchmuck's picture

The Whatchamacallit Manufacturers better step up their support for the president's reelection, or the IRS,DOJ, EPA, and Jesse Jackson is liable to show up at the door.

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