This page has been archived and commenting is disabled.
Obama's TOTUS Has Been Stolen
A truck carrying President Obama's Presidential teleprompter, seals, podiums and $200,000 worth of audio equipment has been stolen north of Richmond. Worst (or best) case, this means a premature end to the president's "informational" (and mass alcohol poisoning enabling) tour.
View more videos at: http://nbcwashington.com.
»
- 11243 reads
- Printer-friendly version
- Send to friend
- advertisements -
You're firing these articles off at meth speed.
Someone is beating the shit out that equipment in a field somewhere OfficeSpace style.
Sometimes life is funnier than comedy. Why didn't Onion News think of this earlier?
Because I don't think you can make this stuff up.
Holy shit! Someone contact the Vice TOTUS!
Time to code an iPad Teleprompter widget for such emergencies.
Kindle for iPad.
Shit happens, bitchez.
richmond demographics....hmmm
Start scaning Ebay and Richmond Craigslist, keyword "teleprompter".
Maybe it will show up at #occupyDC ?
NYT online personals:
"Jug-eared mulatto desperately seeking lost teleprompter. Will trade health care exemption for return."
Not worth it. The POTUS' health care exemptions are a dime a dozen.
He will need to put up something of real value...like his copy of PhotoshopTM with the Official Hawaiian State Seal template and the hard-to-find Baby Footprint Maker add-on.
Onion is frontrunning 'real' news:
Onion months ago: http://www.theonion.com/video/911-conspiracy-theories-ridiculous-al-qaed...
Rest of the world in September: http://www.thestar.com/news/world/article/1061773--iran-s-sept-11-theori...
Onion moths ago: http://www.theonion.com/video/obamas-home-teleprompter-malfunctions-duri...
Rest of the world today, well, even Onion can't keep up with this thing somehow still called reality anymore.
Every Tyler Durden must come in on Mondays and make a physical appearance.
My kingdom for a bottle of XR Adderall 40mg!
I can make that happen....
Stop with the all bold
It is learned Mr. TPrompter has resigned from Obama administration following many other notables who have left the ship in the last year.
Given his skill set, TPrompter is putting together an exploratory team and may consider running for the office that he ran behind the scenes for the last 4 years. – Tprompter for 2012.
they stole his SCROTUS too
That was an inside job. Michelle...
I bet it was a joint Iranian/Cartel operation.
Fucking hilarious though :-)
The president is literally speechless ...
Kick-Ass Karaoke Bitchez!
ok.. who here was it?
that guy's direction was stolen a long time ago
Ok, It was me. I have been looking for the coolest karaoke system around. My only complaint is all the lyrics are in pig latin, arabic or tongues. And subliminals keep popping that say "hope" and "change". It really screws up my vocal meter.
You seem to treat him ok:
we live in sad times, however, the stolen teleprompter makes me happy.
Given its prominent role, I'm pretty sure stealing Obama's teleprompter counts as a coup.
Attempted assassination of Saudi diplomat? Stealing teleprompter? What will the Iranians do next? This means war.....
AHHH HA HA HA HAAAA!!!
Let me just add: BWAAHAAAAAAAAAAA!
Unfortunately this will probably lead to more regulation, the creation of a new agency, a special task force, Congressional hearings, appointment of a new Czar, and $25B in new equipment and technology to replace that which was stolen.
Wonder if they left the "football" in the truck, too. It's no good without the daily nuke codes, but it would make a good collectable.
Or why none of the existing top 45 secret organizations in America was able to foresee this.
http://projects.washingtonpost.com/top-secret-america/
As if it's in there interest to prevent something that leads to more government spending. Red flag.
Guess he will just have to scream and improvise his texts wearing a T-shirt with the American flag on it like the rest of us.
Holiday Inn Express
Clearly, a local band was in need of a P.A. system.
or students trying to pay off a loan
lol they should have stolen the national debt clock instead
Exactly!!
When the TOTUS is recovered, Obama will sound like Nigel Tufnall of Spinal Tap.
They should check the local pawn shops, presidential seal ought to be some decent collateral (tee hee).
Probably a mexican stole it, under direction of Iran, repo'd at the local pawn shop. Par for the course these days.
i wouldn't trade mine for OJ's Heisman!
LOL!
Bet it was Iran with the help of the mexican cartels.
Every speech Obama will make over the next year has been exposed. When attempting to sell it the thieves discovered it's the same shit he's been repeating over and over these last three years. The thieves simply walked away in disgust.
Does that mean Obama is speechless? We can only hope . .
rest assured that one of his many back up units is being flown in on an f15 as I type...
DEFCON 1
It's important stuff like this that starts world wars.
Some thief has a great sense of humor.
THAT IS SOME FUNNY SHIT!!!
THE NEW ECONOMY> HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
It would be even funnier, if they were selling the stuff on EBAY.
Next up on ebay, the presidential desk from the oval office, one slightly used big-ass helicopter with full gas tank, and a worn out teleprompter. the top bid is three fiddy. lulz
Sound like someone stealing my car radio, just on a presidential scale.... welcome to the real world. May I suggest checking out the local "shady" audio equipment retail shop.
oh me my michelle, what do I say next, um, ah , um, er ,ah, um
Change you can believe in.
Stolen is NEW SPEAK for "ok guys, this isn't working. Do something that gets me out of making any more of these speeches and garners some sympathy."
When informed of the theft, President Obama was said to have remarked - "I don't know what to say. Literally".
Damn you - more coffee spilled! Hehe..
President Obama is currently being sedated with Propofol until the stolen Teleprompters are recovered. A massive search and rescue effort has been launched by the Dept. of Homeland Security, NSA, CIA, FBI, NRO, Coast Guard and all branches of the US military in cooperation with NATO. "No stone will be left unturned, we have 25,000 security camera's out there, rest assured we will find them." Director of Homeland Security Janet Nepolitano promised as she was rushed by secret service from the OWS headquarters to an undisclosed secure bunker outside New York city.
Blame it on the blogosphere
Blame it on Bush
Its not stolen the idiots just forgot where they parked it. Can't wait for hope and change to start.
What is next? Thieves breaking into the White House and stealing Michelle's jewelry?
Sharpened chicken bones and coloured mud are worthless in North America.
seriously? Really? How is that even possible? The truck has to have .gov lojack o something.
This has to be BS to get Obama some pity votes. Or maybe he'll fire off a rant without the prompter and claim every single word he ever uttered was his own.
Teleprompter not stolen, Escaped on its own.
That's what I was going to say!
It was either that, or spontaneously combust.
This way is better though, as TOTUS got some gear for its trouble.
It decided to go on unemployment.
Is this for real?
BBCBreakingBBC Breaking News
MPs will vote on calls for a referendum on whether the UK stays in the #EU. Vote in Commons on 27 Oct http://bbc.in/mX0c33
Yes it is for real, but the result is non-binding on the Prime Minister who will (a) strong-arm his party to vote against the motion and (b) ignore it even in the unlikely event that the motion still passes.
Cameron takes his orders from Brussels like every other European leader. Parliament is just for show.
So it's an echo chamber that is both literal and figurative?
Wow, who knew a government could be so efficient?
Hmmmm... just noticed a US presidential seal on Ebay for 5$
to bad he doesn't have the "make offer" button because I might have bought it for 1$
Might look good on the toilet floor.
This one? http://manyfacesofbarack.com/2009/03/20/totus-obamas-teleprompter-gets-an-official-seal/
so when does he label all Virginian's 'domestic terrorists' and start firing up the drones to find the truck?
He'll bomb it and it will be a Krugman-esque 'job creator', think of all the Chinese who have to build more teleprompters.
Oh crap, Stacks is gonna get Whacked for this one.
UPDATE: Truck and equipment spotted on container ship destined for China. Apparently they've begun the repo process.
sorry guys, I know he was funny and all and it gave us a damn good excuse to drink at odd times of the day but I was starting to get concerned about the collective liver health of ZH as a whole...
I promise I will return the items once we have all had a few days to detox
Luckily ZH is global, so it's always beer-thirty here. Right, Europe?
Oh no! Who will tell us to eat our peas? The horror. The horror.
Twits will tweet.
http://twitter.com/#!/BarackObama
Well maybe something will actually get done today.
Welcome to reality Mr. President.
Sorry to disappoint but the golf set, basketball shoes and PR beer kegs still reported to be firmly in place as per white house press secretary.
The funniest shit ever would be if the truck and its contents were stolen by illegal immigrants ...
Run for the border!
Andale! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba! ¡Yii-hah
x PC correction. Aliens, not immigrants.
They thought they stole the president!!!
they did...
Oh dear, panicked government employees running amok. The movie Stripes come to mind here:
Where the fuck's my truck!?
I guess he's no Ron Paul but Herman Cain is the only candidate with a sense of humor...
Tung-Tied-and-Twisted! Like he has something to say anyway.....
Side note: A little POMO to go along with the TOTUS speaking. Coincidence?
The teleprompter is likely being reprogrammed and will be returned, unharmed.
It's far easier to just change the words in the teleprompter than having to bribe..., err.. "lobby" a handful of government officials. Net effect is the same.
There must be embedded porn involved for it to be this big of a deal.
I just want to see what was stored on the system.
That's like stealing the soul of a Tibetan monk by taking their photo.
Bill Clinton once gave a state of the union address from part memory, part making stuff up brilliantly.. his teleprompter was broken in that situation and he handled it pretty well..
Why can't this idiot not use a teleprompter everywhere he goes?
"from part memory, part making stuff up brilliantly"
That probably describes every speech Slick Willie gave.
Quick, put out a APB for an Iranian driving a Presidential Tractor Trailor.
Where the HELL is eric holder??? Damn it, get janet reno up here and burn those bastards!
cant wait for someone to appear behind presidents podium on youtube
This will be hilarious...they should do it as "V is the Vendetta" face.
I have stolen the symbol of your freedom and yet you still remain in bondage. Symbols are important and as I blow up this telepromter you will understand the depth of the deception you rail against.
Etc etc etc
Now this is someone else's turn to do crap behind the podium.
Maybe it will be held hostage. This is a horrible infringement on Obama's scripted speech.
"...the presidential seals, which only the president stands behind..."
One can only hope.
Unfortunately, this guy wanted to fix economy not to fix economy, but to get himself reelected. He is politician by nature. I won't vote for him again.
Forget the TOTUS! Steal the Teleprompter Tyrant --PLEASE!
I'd pay Hamas to kidnap the Campaigner in Chief and NOT return him! (juuuust kidding! But I'd be tempted!)
If only it would shut up the Deceiver in Chief!
..,stop blaming the Iranians. They are just a convenient scapegoat for Waddel and Reed
Obama is lucky, his bus is not stolen while he was riding in.
Do they make him sit in the back?
When that Presidential seal is recovered it will have a tiny little electronic device concealed inside designed to induce an irresistable urge to start break dancing, and the teleprompter will have been pre-programmed to make POTUS read his resignation speech the next time its used.
"Dude, where's my teleprompter?"
I'm confused though, I thought the TOTUS always rode in the limo?
God Bless whoever stole it. This has given me joy, lightened my day.
I don't believe for one second that truck did not have HIDDEN tracking devices on it and it could easily be tracked. Sounds like a planned operation needing this stuff and it going AWOL in THIS FASHION "fits" the "plan"
Now he can only talk to people on his level: http://drudgereport.com/
There goes the brains of the country...
Nothing left but this empty, hollow feeling now.
Hilarious. This is the best laugh I've had for days.
Presidential seals stolen?
Hmmm.... any news on the Presidential penguins?
tia
"We take this very seriously."
More seriously than the Constitution, the environment or the economy.
Poor baby Obama.
"Not a single law enforcement or national security agent will rest until this Teleprompter is found and those kidnappers are brought to justice, now let's go get a bite to eat." - Janet Napolitano
The TOTUS repairman had to get his Manuel (yes, mexican helper) to re-program EBONICS into the machine, now they know how easy they had it under W, no words over 2 syllables