• Gold Money
    05/03/2016 - 11:35
    Crude oil time-spreads have completely dislocated from inventories. Historically, such dislocations have proved to be short lived. We expect that either spot prices will sell-off again or the back...

Obama's TOTUS Has Been Stolen

Tyler Durden's picture

Your rating: None

- advertisements -

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:16 | 1785229 GeneMarchbanks
GeneMarchbanks's picture

You're firing these articles off at meth speed.

Someone is beating the shit out that equipment in a field somewhere OfficeSpace style.

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:17 | 1785262 theXman
theXman's picture

Sometimes life is funnier than comedy. Why didn't Onion News think of this earlier?

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:19 | 1785283 bania
bania's picture

Because I don't think you can make this stuff up.

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:20 | 1785288 redpill
redpill's picture

Holy shit!  Someone contact the Vice TOTUS!

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:22 | 1785299 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

Time to code an iPad Teleprompter widget for such emergencies.

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:24 | 1785322 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Kindle for iPad.

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:59 | 1785515 Mauibrad
Mauibrad's picture

Shit happens, bitchez.

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 13:41 | 1785936 trav7777
trav7777's picture

richmond demographics....hmmm

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:24 | 1785315 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

Start scaning Ebay and Richmond Craigslist, keyword "teleprompter". 


Maybe it will show up at #occupyDC ?

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:33 | 1785397 Cpl Hicks
Cpl Hicks's picture

NYT online personals:

"Jug-eared mulatto desperately seeking lost teleprompter. Will trade health care exemption for return."

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 12:39 | 1785667 hedgeless_horseman
hedgeless_horseman's picture

Not worth it.  The POTUS' health care exemptions are a dime a dozen.

He will need to put up something of real value...like his copy of PhotoshopTM with the Official Hawaiian State Seal template and the hard-to-find Baby Footprint Maker add-on. 

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:27 | 1785356 BorisTheBlade
BorisTheBlade's picture

Onion is frontrunning 'real' news:

Onion months ago: http://www.theonion.com/video/911-conspiracy-theories-ridiculous-al-qaed...

Rest of the world in September: http://www.thestar.com/news/world/article/1061773--iran-s-sept-11-theori...

Onion moths ago: http://www.theonion.com/video/obamas-home-teleprompter-malfunctions-duri...

Rest of the world today, well, even Onion can't keep up with this thing somehow still called reality anymore.

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:18 | 1785279 Long-John-Silver
Long-John-Silver's picture

Every Tyler Durden must come in on Mondays and make a physical appearance.

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:22 | 1785306 vast-dom
vast-dom's picture

My kingdom for a bottle of XR Adderall 40mg!

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:53 | 1785488 JohnG
JohnG's picture

I can make that happen....

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 15:59 | 1786465 swamp
swamp's picture

Stop with the all bold

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:27 | 1785355 Innocent Bystander
Innocent Bystander's picture

It is learned Mr. TPrompter has resigned from Obama administration following many other notables who have left the ship in the last year. 

Given his skill set, TPrompter is putting together an exploratory team and may consider running for the office that he ran behind the scenes for the last 4 years. – Tprompter for 2012.


Tue, 10/18/2011 - 12:33 | 1785650 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

they stole his SCROTUS too

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 13:23 | 1785861 krispkritter
krispkritter's picture

That was an inside job. Michelle...

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:45 | 1785453 Hugh G Rection
Hugh G Rection's picture

I bet it was a joint Iranian/Cartel operation.

Fucking hilarious though :-)

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 12:13 | 1785560 Hman
Hman's picture

The president is literally speechless ...

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 23:29 | 1787762 MiguelitoRaton
MiguelitoRaton's picture

Kick-Ass Karaoke Bitchez!

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:14 | 1785230 achmachat
achmachat's picture

ok.. who here was it?

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:23 | 1785313 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

that guy's direction was stolen a long time ago

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 12:31 | 1785645 Ruffcut
Ruffcut's picture

Ok, It was me. I have been looking for the coolest karaoke system around. My only complaint is all the lyrics are in pig latin, arabic or tongues. And subliminals keep popping that say "hope" and "change". It really screws up my vocal meter.

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 12:36 | 1785663 BorisTheBlade
BorisTheBlade's picture

You seem to treat him ok:

These guys hosting me seem like a decent bunch of fellows. Lloyd and Jamie usually drop by to chat with me around noon time, asking if I'm comfortable, connecting their Bloomberg terminal feeds to my screens, they say, so they can keep up with current events. Dick stops by later in the afternoon just to check in on me. They all seem perfectly civilized, and they don't seem to want anything. No ransom, no demands, no threats.


Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:14 | 1785231 Concentrated po...
Concentrated power has always been the enemy of liberty.'s picture

we live in sad times, however, the stolen teleprompter makes me happy.

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:30 | 1785376 Nascent_Variable
Nascent_Variable's picture

Given its prominent role, I'm pretty sure stealing Obama's teleprompter counts as a coup.

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:55 | 1785496 DeltaDawn
DeltaDawn's picture

Attempted assassination of Saudi diplomat? Stealing teleprompter? What will the Iranians do next? This means war.....

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:14 | 1785235 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture


Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:20 | 1785291 Vincent Vega
Vincent Vega's picture

Let me just add: BWAAHAAAAAAAAAAA!

Unfortunately this will probably lead to more regulation, the creation of a new agency, a special task force, Congressional hearings, appointment of a new Czar, and $25B in new equipment and technology to replace that which was stolen.

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:28 | 1785358 FEDbuster
FEDbuster's picture

Wonder if they left the "football" in the truck, too.  It's no good without the daily nuke codes, but it would make a good collectable.

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:32 | 1785394 Zero Debt
Zero Debt's picture

Or why none of the existing top 45 secret organizations in America was able to foresee this.


Tue, 10/18/2011 - 12:26 | 1785627 BorisTheBlade
BorisTheBlade's picture

As if it's in there interest to prevent something that leads to more government spending. Red flag.

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:14 | 1785236 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

Guess he will just have to scream and improvise his texts wearing a T-shirt with the American flag on it like the rest of us.  

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:15 | 1785237 Irish66
Irish66's picture

Holiday Inn Express

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:15 | 1785241 LawsofPhysics
LawsofPhysics's picture

Clearly, a local band was in need of a P.A. system.

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:24 | 1785326 DaveyJones
DaveyJones's picture

or students trying to pay off a loan

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:38 | 1785431 Zero Debt
Zero Debt's picture

lol they should have stolen the national debt clock instead

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 12:46 | 1785712 Captain Willard
Captain Willard's picture


When the TOTUS is recovered, Obama will sound like  Nigel Tufnall of Spinal Tap.

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:20 | 1785242 lizzy36
lizzy36's picture

They should check the local pawn shops, presidential seal ought to be some decent collateral (tee hee).

Probably a mexican stole it, under direction of Iran, repo'd at the local pawn shop. Par for  the course these days.

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:21 | 1785297 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

i wouldn't trade mine for OJ's Heisman!

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:15 | 1785243 Fips_OnTheSpot
Fips_OnTheSpot's picture


Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:15 | 1785244 Scalaris
Scalaris's picture

Bet it was Iran with the help of the mexican cartels.

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:15 | 1785246 Long-John-Silver
Long-John-Silver's picture

Every speech Obama will make over the next year has been exposed. When attempting to sell it the thieves discovered it's the same shit he's been repeating over and over these last three years. The thieves simply walked away in disgust. 

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:15 | 1785247 pauhana
pauhana's picture

Does that mean Obama is speechless?  We can only hope . .

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:15 | 1785248 john39
john39's picture

rest assured that one of his many back up units is being flown in on an f15 as I type...

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:15 | 1785250 depression
depression's picture


It's important stuff like this that starts world wars.

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:16 | 1785252 reinman60
reinman60's picture

Some thief has a great sense of humor.

Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:16 | 1785254 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture




Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!