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Official Memo From Lloyd And Gary To Employees: "89% Of You Provide Exceptional Services To Clients"

Tyler Durden's picture


The Greg Smith drama refuses to go away (probably for a reason). Earlier, we presented a spoof response from a spoof Goldman CEO. Now, courtesy of the WSJ, here is the real memo sent out from Lloyd and Gary to employees in which we learn that "89% of Goldman employees self reported they provide exceptional services to their clients." But what about the remaining 11%? Because out of 10 employees, just one is required to rob a client, whatever that means these days anyway, blind. Oddly enough, didn't CFA Magazine just find that 10% of all Wall Streeters are psychopaths? That more or less explains it all.

From the WSJ

March 14, 2012

Our Response to Today’s New York Times Op-Ed:

By now, many of you have read the submission in today’s New York Times by a former employee of the firm.  Needless to say, we were disappointed to read the assertions made by this individual that do not reflect our values, our culture and how the vast majority of people at Goldman Sachs think about the firm and the work it does on behalf of our clients.

In a company of our size, it is not shocking that some people could feel disgruntled.  But that does not and should not represent our firm of more than 30,000 people. Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion.  But, it is unfortunate that an individual opinion about Goldman Sachs is amplified in a newspaper and speaks louder than the regular, detailed and intensive feedback you have provided the firm and independent, public surveys of workplace environments.

While I expect you find the words you read today foreign from your own day-to-day experiences [ZH: maybe not Tom Stolper but that's just a guess], we wanted to remind you what we, as a firm – individually and collectively – think about Goldman Sachs and our client-driven culture.

First, 85 percent of the firm responded to our recent People Survey, which provides the most detailed and comprehensive review to determine how our people feel about Goldman Sachs and the work they do.

And, what do our people think about how we interact with our clients?  Across the firm at all levels, 89 percent of you said that that the firm provides exceptional service to them.  For the group of nearly 12,000 vice presidents, of which the author of today’s commentary was, that number was similarly high.

Anyone who feels otherwise has available to him or her a mechanism for anonymously expressing their concerns.  We are not aware that the writer of the opinion piece expressed misgivings through this avenue, however, if an individual expresses issues, we examine them carefully and we will be doing so in this case.

Our firm has had its share of challenges during and after the financial crisis, but your pride in Goldman Sachs is clear.  You’ve not only told us, you have told external surveys.

Just two weeks ago, Goldman Sachs was named one of the best places to work in the United Kingdom, where this employee resides.  The firm was the highest placed financial services company for the third consecutive year and was the only one in its peer group to make the top 25.

We are far from perfect, but where the firm has seen a problem, we’ve responded to it seriously and substantively.  And we have demonstrated that fact.

It is unfortunate that all of you who worked so hard through a difficult environment over the last few years now have to respond to this. But, our response is best demonstrated in how we really work with and help our clients through our commitment to their long-term interests.  That priority has distinguished us in the past, through the financial crisis and today.

Thank you.

Lloyd C. Blankfein Gary D. Cohn


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Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:42 | 2254692 idea_hamster
idea_hamster's picture

"... 89 percent of you said that that the firm provides exceptional service to them ..."

Wow -- Stolper services 11% of Goldman's clients?  That's one awesome dude!

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:53 | 2254766 markmotive
markmotive's picture

We are the 89%!

 In other news...the banks do pretty much whatever the f*!K they want anyway:

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:17 | 2254914 vast-dom
vast-dom's picture

GS=Greg Smith=GS


Big fucking deal like everyone with a pulse didn't know that GS=EVIL VENAL SELFISH SOCIOPATHIC CULTURE and will destroy financial institutions and itself for an extra buck.

Reminds me of a certain sick whore I used to know....

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:21 | 2254944 trav7777
trav7777's picture

HUH?  You people have missed the point.

89% of them are reporting that they are "servicing" their clients well, which means they are robbing the fuck out of them.  And that is excellent.

The 11% are those who think like the guy who left.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:42 | 2255007 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



What next?   To further foister customer loyalty GS private label vasoline?

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:35 | 2255013 streetcrawler
streetcrawler's picture

That's what I was thinking, 89% of GS employees are bloodsucking scumbags. Also, they TWELVE THOUSAND vice presidents? How does that even begin to make sense?

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:55 | 2255072 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Goldman Sachs and the way they do business is as productive and moral (as well as legal, at least from a civil law perspective, and most likely a criminal lawone; where art thou, Eric Placeholder?) as Hudson, Timberwolf, Abacus and about a hundred thousand other scams that rape their clients and anyone else in the path of their sole aim of making as much money as they can regardless of what the collateral damage is.

You see, money is literally like god to these types. They literally worship it.

Now, I like money, because it gives me freedom to do the things I am passionate about, and to ensure my family has what they need to ensure the best possible chances that they will be healthy (medical care & nutritious, real food is relatively exepensive), well educated (formal or not), and have the best odds of being able to pursue life, liberty and happiness on their terms, within a moral framework, hopefully helping as many people in need of help on that path.

But I don't worship money, letting it become the sole objective of my life, controlling my actions, deeds and thoughts 24/7.

And that's why ony psychopaths & sociopaths thrive at such 'institutions' as Goldman Sachs.







Wed, 03/14/2012 - 14:01 | 2255107 trav7777
trav7777's picture

there's a group of people that loves money so much that they are prone to naming themselves after it

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 14:19 | 2255166 Badabing
Badabing's picture

30,000 people surveyed top 5 answers on the board you want to play or pass?


“First, 85 percent of the firm responded to our recent People Survey, which provides the most detailed and comprehensive review to determine how our people feel about Goldman Sachs and the work they do.”

So, 15% didn’t think it was important to respond, out of 30,000 that’s 4500 top fat cats.

The other 25,500 employees are probably happy they have a job and would never say anything against the squid.

The numbers quoted are as fake as any graph, chart, financial statement,……………

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 20:08 | 2256314 UP Forester
UP Forester's picture

GS runs the B[L]S, too?

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 14:01 | 2255103 trav7777
trav7777's picture

a VP in an IB is not the same as a VP in an ordinary corporation.  The level above PM is VP...they don't have the corner offices, which are for principals (level above VP).  Generally above that are directors then managing directors.  Yes, I used to work in an IB which is how I know this.

I left the IB because I wasn't being given access to enough clients to rob.  There just weren't enough silverbug muppets to blowtorch to make my numbers

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 18:34 | 2256058 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

streetcrawler asked:

Also, they TWELVE THOUSAND vice presidents? How does that even begin to make sense?

A VP at Goldman Sachs is similar to a VP at MERS. Starting to make sense now?


Wed, 03/14/2012 - 14:23 | 2255183 ElvisDog
ElvisDog's picture

I can't imagine anyone stupid enough to hire GS to manage their investments. They literally must never pick up a newspaper or have access to the Internet.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:27 | 2254942 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

White collar criminal sociopaths are funny people.  Top priority is fame and glory, of which 90% of it can be easily attained if you have money.  Therefore, the self feeding loop of acquiring more and more becomes the MO to create the God-like image.  How the wealth is attained is a wholly different issue and one the sociopath won't acknowledge.

When the word gets out that they might be a wee bit greedy or corrupt, they have to protect their illusionary image.  After all, the sociopath has nothing if he is revealed to be a fake, whether he is or not is irrelevant.  IMAGE is everything.  Hence, Lloyds' reply.  Damage control is not damage control if the firm was structurally sound to begin with.  And Lloyd need not reply if he (and the firm) didn't have a fake image to uphold in the first place.


Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:35 | 2255008 Hippocratic Oaf
Hippocratic Oaf's picture

And calling clients muppets? That's about pigs getting slaughtered? Whores because they chace yield? Had a MD say one time........'They knew what they were buying, they're all pigs, yield whores that want to get fucked......fuck'em!'

And when there's a problem.......they scatter like roaches.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:54 | 2254781 JPM Hater001
JPM Hater001's picture

Dude, you missed the important part- "For the group of nearly 12,000 vice presidents, of which the author of today’s commentary was, that number was similarly high."

Similarly...but not the same.  Which is like saying a Big Mac is similar to a salad.

If it had been high they would have published it.  I would guess it's in the 70's making it 2-3 out of 10 are a bad apple.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:04 | 2254830 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

Who is surprised that the 89% who are sociopaths would consider themselves to be providing exceptional service? Too funny to expect anything other than that response.

For the most part, the individual members of a herd itself reflect the (lack of moral) values of the herd. And we all know that the fish rots from the head back. 

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 14:22 | 2255177 CPL
CPL's picture

We can all hear the self congratulatory back pats from GS to GS. 


CNBC is now completely unbearable to watch.  The cacophony of dick slurping going on would embarrass a porn fluffer.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 14:33 | 2255214 Cognitive Dissonance
Wed, 03/14/2012 - 18:44 | 2256091 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Good God, that is insane funny!


Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:04 | 2254837 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

85% of the firm responded to the survey and of that 85%, 89% says they are doing a good job for their client's welfare. I am sure the likelihood of you responding to a survey is higher if you actually believe in the company and its culture. Which means actually that only 76% of the entire firm puts their clients ahead of themselves...even in front of an oncoming 24%, not 11% of the employees of GS (God's Sanctuary) actually does the Devil's work....but I am sure 76% is still a very very good number, by Goldman standards

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 14:19 | 2255164 LeBaron
LeBaron's picture

if I have to take clients' money to increase my bonus, I would rate my service to my clients "Excellent" or "Perfect". Wondering why the percentage is not 100% rather a paultry 89%...

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 21:42 | 2256497 JPM Hater001
JPM Hater001's picture

If you want a real mind bender Fidelity pays brokers based on client feedback.  If they were good they got paid.  So it's more of a popularity contest than long term results.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 17:56 | 2255935 Irwin Fletcher
Irwin Fletcher's picture

And maybe 84% internally acknowledged that they are blood hungry vampire devices, but nonetheless gave pro-client answers on the survey because them's the only answers that will never blow back in their cum-sucking faces if the survey's not as private as advertised.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:08 | 2254853 resurger
resurger's picture

no the best part is "Before & After the financial crises"

who the fuck told you that the crises is over mother fucker???

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:01 | 2254810 IEVI
IEVI's picture

he's saying 89% of the 85% that responded to the survey


Wed, 03/14/2012 - 17:13 | 2255832 tabasco71
tabasco71's picture

I thought that, 75% in fact.

Thing is no matter how many respond, who is going to have the balls to score 1 out of 5 for 'please rate your satisfaction with the work you do'

Even though the surveys are 'anonymous' no one in my place believed they weren't tracked, so everyone scored 4 out of 5 and the ass-kissers clicked 5.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:01 | 2254818 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture


Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:07 | 2254843 Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive Dissonance's picture

I love the shoes at the edge of the couch.

Which end is the ass end Banzai7?

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:09 | 2254864 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Hard to tell...


Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:12 | 2254888 Divided States ...
Divided States of America's picture

If you work at GS, I would suggest that you look behind your back when you walk around on the street. I am sure anyone can smell your squid stench from a mile away.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:22 | 2254941 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

I suppose you could call this working at Goldman Sachs in a manner of speaking.

As for the stench, thou who smelt it...

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 14:24 | 2255184 CPL
CPL's picture

They don't have to be careful of anyone on the street.


GS employees seem to excel at killing one another.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 14:39 | 2255242 williambanzai7
williambanzai7's picture

Kill or be killed in brogues.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:07 | 2254851 vast-dom
vast-dom's picture

Ty: it's actually higher than 10% of all Wall Streeters being psychopaths more at sociopaths.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:09 | 2254857 battle axe
battle axe's picture

"89 Percent of  you said what ever we wanted you to say, because we are one of the few houses still trading this shit, and you need us, we thank you...."

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:12 | 2254884 It was not me
It was not me's picture

Word on the street is that Greg Smith's next project will be Armada Markets. I hope he will find a better environment there.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 19:05 | 2256152 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

It was not me said:

Word on the street is that Greg Smith's next project will be Armada Markets. I hope he will find a better environment there.

It is almost guaranteed he will find a better environment at Armada Markets. His first assignment there will be gathering dead fish floating in the harbor at Tallinn. This is the main ingredient in Imitation Ljutefisk, the latest exciting product from Armada Markets, a global leader in all things fishy.

"If It's Bad Smelt, It's Armada Markets!"®


Wed, 03/14/2012 - 16:58 | 2255778 VanceEva1
VanceEva1's picture

my classmate's sister makes $82 hourly on the internet. She has been out of work for 10 months but last month her income was $17192 just working on the internet for a few hours. Read more on this site ....

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 19:12 | 2256186 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

Say, that's not bad money for fellating goats on a webcam. Does your whole family do that, or are the retarded ones relegated to blog spamming?


Wed, 03/14/2012 - 18:31 | 2256048 eatthebanksters
eatthebanksters's picture

I would love to see an anonymous poll of all their clients and see how they the end the clients could give a fuck about reps whopat themselves on the back,  the clients care about service and performance...I'll bet that number is below 89%.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 21:48 | 2256513 Practical Cogitator
Practical Cogitator's picture

"First, 85 percent of the firm responded to our recent People Survey, which provides the most detailed and comprehensive review to determine how our people feel about Goldman Sachs and the work they do.

And, what do our people think about how we interact with our clients?  Across the firm at all levels, 89 percent of you said that that the firm provides exceptional service to them."


Umm...0.85 x 0.89 = 75.65%.  100 - 75.65% = 24.35% of the GS employee base disagrees, apparently believing that clients are like muppets to be manipulated for all they're worth.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:42 | 2254695 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

Hmmm, wonder if Lloyd has Stolper in the 11% seating section?

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:43 | 2254702 unwashedmass
unwashedmass's picture

god's chosen doing god's work.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:00 | 2254814 espirit
espirit's picture

Money laundering is hard work.  If you can't cut it, get the F- out.

Quotas got to be met.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:43 | 2254706 Wakanda
Wakanda's picture

"Anyone who feels otherwise has available to him or her a mechanism for anonymously expressing their concerns."

Translation:  Try that shit before you clean out your desk, and I will do God's work on your ass without lube.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:46 | 2254724 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

"mechanism" = unemployment line

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:25 | 2254967 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

I was thinking of a noose, fashioned from the electric cords of the table lamps in HR office waiting room.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:44 | 2254710 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture



Just two weeks ago, Goldman Sachs was named one of the best places to work in the United Kingdom, where this employee resides.


uhmmm, when viewing the UK unemployment rate...isn't GS-UK the only place with work now?  Kinda "best" by default.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:55 | 2254784 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

of course it's a good place to work if you are a greedy mouth breathing cocksucker. For humans, not so much

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:05 | 2254823 Acet
Acet's picture

"Just two weeks ago, Goldman Sachs was named one of the best places to work in the United Kingdom, where this employee resides"

Funny, that's not what I heard from people that worked there.

In fact, the "best place to work" surveys they do in Finance in the City are pretty much hillarious - some of the worse companies consistently come out on top.

Frankly, with their huge, loud open space environments with no decoration or plants, stiffling bureaucracy, infighting, near-non-existent organization, abundance of cocky prima donnas and crazy overwork, all the big financial institutions is the City are much worse places to work in than most other industries. It's not by chance that they invented the liquid lunch around here: sometimes the only way to survive the rest of the day is to get piss-drunk by lunch.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:45 | 2254712 unwashedmass
unwashedmass's picture

frankly, stopler's efforts in light of goldman's real mission -- robbing clients and the public deaf, dumb and blind -- has been beyond superb. riding his coattails thanks to Zerohedge, i'm made some nice money this past year.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:45 | 2254713 The Swedish Chef
The Swedish Chef's picture

12 000 vice presidents? My God, they are worse that the Saudis... I thought that in order for a corporation to have 12 000 vice presidents they needed to employ all of the worlds population.


And I too think that they should look in to the results of the survey. Apparently there are about 11% of the work force that needs a good firing.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:47 | 2254728 soopy
soopy's picture

Goldman puts the vice in vice presidents.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:06 | 2254840 The Swedish Chef
The Swedish Chef's picture

Personally, I´d rather put a Goldman Sachs vice president in a vice than the other way around but hey, I´m not Lloyd Blankfein...thank God for that.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:45 | 2254714 bugs_
bugs_'s picture

he just announced an 11% layoff

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:49 | 2254739 LeBalance
LeBalance's picture

no. he just announced at 9/10 layoff. "exceptional" is just shit performance.

you have to go for blood with GoldMan.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:47 | 2254715 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Golden Sacks, doing Gods work 89% of the time! OY VEY and pass the matzoballs, beotchez!

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:47 | 2254731 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



How would we feel if 89% of drivers were paying attention on our daily commute?

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:02 | 2254820 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I'd be confused that suddenly so many have become alert.

Seriously, if I see two out of every ten drivers pay attention to ALL other traffic around them, I'm shocked, as it's rare to see two in close proximity.

What do I see instead? Knee-jerk reactions as they ALWAYS fail to anticipate. I've usually adjusted to their reaction before they're even aware there's anything for them to consider.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:46 | 2254716 soopy
soopy's picture

That's more or less good math.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:04 | 2254834 espirit
espirit's picture

Only a B++, just not a "A" rating.  Knockdown, gotta do better.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:46 | 2254719 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



This letter had the same effect on me as castor oil.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:46 | 2254721 alexwest
alexwest's picture

# For the group of nearly 12,000 vice presidents

OUT OF 30.000.... ? madness...

wonder , are security guards too v. presidents?


Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:48 | 2254740 Carbon Skidmark
Carbon Skidmark's picture

you beat me to least I'm not the only one who found that odd

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:48 | 2254741 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Almost all of 'the chosen ones' are Vice Presidents. Even the nite janitor.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:56 | 2254786 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



Hookers & blow for the nite janitors, eh?

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:04 | 2254836 Carbon Skidmark
Carbon Skidmark's picture

I think the janitors just get to snort the crumbs off the floor clean and jizz-mop...but still...sloppy seconds to a VP...that's saying something!

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:47 | 2254729 Carbon Skidmark
Carbon Skidmark's picture

So they have over 30,000 people working for them of which 12,000 are Vice Presidents.....

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:50 | 2254753 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



Apparently, muppets don't know the distinction between being A VP v. being THE VP of a firm.  There is no better accomplice to robbing people blind than making them feel good about themselves while your doing it.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:14 | 2254893 Acet
Acet's picture

In that environment, real titles start at Managing Director (basically an area head). The rest is pure title inflation to make the 'tards feel important.

Mind you, it works. I've worked in Investment Banking, having come from a different industry, and what you see there is people who think being paid more means they're some of the best in their profession, surrounded by peers who think the same of themselves and each other and, since the vast majority of them have never worked outside the industry, are blissfully unaware that most of them are in fact very mediocre.

It's like the whole industry is an inbred clusterfuck.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 15:47 | 2255512 STP
STP's picture

I worked as an account temp for a bunch of stockbrokers back in the 90's.  I reconciled the outside bank accounts against our numbers.  After a few months, I figured out how they were making their money.  They'd get out of a Gennie Mae at 5 1/4 and into a Freddie Mac at 5 1/2, using $150 million and pick up the difference.  Easy money!

They drove BMW's, Porsche's and the usual 'rich dude' cars and they were all arrogant dickheads to a man.  They treated the hired help like dirt.  Wouldn't even talk to you, that's how bad it was.  Greetings?  Hah, more like a sideways nod and that was if they were feeling generous.

Their hands were soft and I seriously doubt that they could do anything meaningful with their mitts.  Pull the heads on a Chevy big-block?  I don't think so.  Get a vintage Porsche Carrera 4 'vert, barn-find running?  No way, they'd have 'Gunther' at the dealership do it and they'd take the reaming.  Drop them off at a local junkyard in the bad part of town and see how comfortable they'd be.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:53 | 2254777 Idiot Savant
Idiot Savant's picture

No, the scary number is 30K employees and what does GS produce??

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:57 | 2254795 JPM Hater001
JPM Hater001's picture

No- do the math on my estimate above.

At 80% of 12,000 thinking things are fine But 20% or 2,400 of the footsoldiers felt otherwise.

And in the brokerages foot soldiers are the face to the company.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:10 | 2254866 Hippocratic Oaf
Hippocratic Oaf's picture

Titles are given due to production. In other words.........they have probably 12,000 veeps raping the public as at least half-million dollar producers. Less than that would be junior VP etc.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:05 | 2254838 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

Four Horsemen.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:49 | 2255065 spooncutter
spooncutter's picture

liquidity /sarc

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:48 | 2254734 Johnny Yuma
Johnny Yuma's picture

Classic rebuttle. You know HR is tracking your "anonymous" surveys and will be used against you when appropriate which is why the surveys were so high. The emperor has no clothes... 

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:58 | 2254799 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

I was a SVP in a large company in the US. I have had survey results quoted back to me verbatim. From anonymous surveys

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:52 | 2254742 LouisDega
LouisDega's picture

What a nice man. Very thoughtful to send out an email. I remember receiving a compliment email back in the day as a funder and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:49 | 2254744 Theta_Burn
Theta_Burn's picture

How difficult an environment is it @ GS? What with the waterfall of tax payer money.

"client's long term interest" the only thing shocking (about any of this) is that GS actually have clients or trust at this point


Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:49 | 2254745 VulpisVulpis
VulpisVulpis's picture

"And, what do our people think about how we interact with our clients?  Across the firm at all levels, 89 percent of you said that that the firm provides exceptional service to them."


95% of people think they are 'above average' drivers. What a worthless metric.


Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:51 | 2254757 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

100% of fat chicks in spandex at happy hour think theyre smokin hawt.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:53 | 2254772 VulpisVulpis
VulpisVulpis's picture!/gselevator


Real or fake, still funny

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:28 | 2254981 LFMayor
LFMayor's picture

just keep drinking sheep and you'll see it come true!

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:49 | 2254749 mickeyman
mickeyman's picture

But don't the one-in-ten psychopaths who are robbing their clients blind also lie and report they gave their clients "excellent" service?

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:53 | 2254752 resurger
resurger's picture





                                                                                                             Just Do It

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:57 | 2254793 mayhem_korner
mayhem_korner's picture



Let's see if you've coined a money term for the 'bots.  Check NANEX for flash-crash at 12:54...

(would be nice, no?)

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:18 | 2254916 resurger
resurger's picture

there wont be a crash! R2D2 is in full control of the market


Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:54 | 2254755 Shizzmoney
Shizzmoney's picture

Wonder if the 30K people who work at various Goldman firms realize the size and ferocity of the global "fist pump" that would ensue from the rest of the world if (and when) either A) their firm goes bankrupt or B) if any of their buildings/CEOs were to be attacked.

I really think that sometimes, they really don't realize that 95% of the world HATES these motherfuckers.

Yet again, if I was sitting on piles of cash, I'd probably not give a fuck, either.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:02 | 2254815 DavidC
DavidC's picture

I work with two guys who knew or know people at Goldman. The first used to work on the LIFFE floor in London at the back end of the 90s and says that most of the GS people were 'up their own arses', the second younger one has an acquaintance who has become 'a cock-end' since working there - their quotes, not mine!

I'm absolutely sure that not all GS people are the same, but if the overall culture becomes tainted it's a very difficult smell to remove.


Wed, 03/14/2012 - 15:09 | 2255360 reload
reload's picture

Your mate from the LIFFE floor will no doubt remember that their Pit trader who was called Archie was extremely good at his job - perhaps because when he was trading he had the attention of the crowd in whatever Pit he was working orders, but he was sharp, efficient and well respected if not liked. Their floor manager who went by the name of `Beef` was also a no nonsense character who kept a fairly low profile. If he thought you could fill big orders for GS without making a drama out of it you were pretty much made. GS filled very few of their own orders farming them out to other institutions or `locals` from the booths where their phone `brokers` worked around the sides of the Pits. And those youg men were without exception arrogant pricks that stood out from the crowd of mostly arrogant pricks that populated the LIFFE floor. That said, I miss the place!

A lot of the solid prop trading talent has been quietly leaving the London office over the last 18 months. Most dont need to ever work again anyway, but thats not why they are leaving. Its simply more fun to work at an organisation without the bullshit culture, or social stigma. The youngsters I meet from Goldman these days are fairly uninspiring, educated to the hilt but without the strength of character that is often the mark of a realy good trader. But then I suspect that Goldman do not care about trading like they used to, far easier to rob and frontrun for a living, and they are brilliant at it. 

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:08 | 2254854 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

If 95% really hated them, they would not exist. Instead, you'll be lucky to find even 50% that have an opinion of them. Of which, only a third will perhaps have an informed opinion.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:51 | 2254759 wcvarones
wcvarones's picture

Funny he mentions the employee survey, but not the results of the client survey they did at the same time.

I wonder why.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:52 | 2254763 chunga
chunga's picture

99% of those not working at GS hate your guts.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:52 | 2254770 libertus
libertus's picture

What bullshit! That new corportate spin asshole they hired today should be fired. 


Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:53 | 2254780 azzhatter
azzhatter's picture

Hey, Lloyd great response. Now go fuck yourself and die. 

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:54 | 2254782 Dermasolarapate...
Dermasolarapaterraphatrima's picture

100% of my employees said they are happy! The two who didn't were sent to labor camp to be "re-educated."

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:57 | 2254789 Racer
Racer's picture

They are so exceptional that no one else can surpass them in evilness

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:56 | 2254791 DavidC
DavidC's picture

Yes, I'd like to self report that I am an Adonis, a superb cook and fantastic in bed.


Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:58 | 2254796 Kish80
Kish80's picture

"Anyone who feels otherwise has available to him or her a mechanism for anonymously expressing their concerns.  We are not aware that the writer of the opinion piece expressed misgivings through this avenue..."

Well of course they wouldn't if its really anonymous....

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:09 | 2254863 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

"...but we are still looking for further evidence of his insubordination."

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 12:59 | 2254801 NvrGivUp
NvrGivUp's picture

Talk about meaningless and self serving data.... Distoration masters, pyschofuckingpathic liars and cheats. Lets poll the tens of thousands that have been pillaged.  The devils minons think they are doing a good job, insulting and useless BS.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:03 | 2254825 johnjkiii
johnjkiii's picture

"When everybody's somebody, nobody's anybody" W.S. Gilbert, "The Gondoliers"

12,000 vice presidents !!!!!

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 14:20 | 2255145 The Grip
The Grip's picture

The concept of a vice president at every "branch" worked when banking ponzi was manageable in scale. 12k VPs is the very definition of TBTF.

That they mention this in a letter certain to hit the public domain 1 sec after pressing send (and thx for being #1 as always ZH) indicates how normal it still sounds to them.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:03 | 2254826 bankonzhongguo
bankonzhongguo's picture

Enjoy counting the money, because after the world sifts through the ashes created in your wake this nation of hunters is going to track you down.

The banksters that don't get shoved into ovens will be swinging from lampposts.

Remember.  You had to earn this kind of bad karma.

I was in Boston some months ago in a bar.  Some junior a-hole from GS was yap'in it up with some other banker buddies.  Actually heard the word 'muppet.'

One last drunken remark and then I sucker punched him in the face.

Stupid.  I was toast, but then I said; "He's Goldman Sachs."

I walked clean out of there.

The easiest thing we could do is arrest the entire firm; from the janitor to the bosses and put them under the ocean. Throw in the chauffeurs, security guards, attorneys and lobbyists for good measure, because without them they couldn't do "G_d's work."

The Sun would shine a little brighter that day.  The very Air we breath would be cleaner.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:04 | 2254832 Duke Dog
Duke Dog's picture

You guys are looking at this bassackwards. 89% at GS are psychopaths - narcissism goes hand in hand with the condition. Only 11% working there had the humility to admit/accept anything less than "exceptional" performance.

You can bet your ass these guys "screen" during recruitment for these types - and there are plenty available.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:07 | 2254845 mendigo
mendigo's picture

I think Lloyd makes a fair point.
In fairness the paper(s) should survey Goldmans customers and others impacted by the nature of what Goldman does.
Not fair to voice only one man's opinion they should invite more comments - how Goldman affects me. Maybe have a march.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:11 | 2254879 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

I'd like to see it differentiated between customers who manage OPM vs. their own (if there's any left).

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:07 | 2254847 icanhasbailout
icanhasbailout's picture

89% is an oddly specific number...

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:07 | 2254848 Bam_Man
Bam_Man's picture

A Den of Thieves.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:09 | 2254858 Downtoolong
Downtoolong's picture

But what about the remaining 11%

They've been targeted for the fast track program to senior management.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:12 | 2254889 NotApplicable
NotApplicable's picture

As well as to the "regulatory" agencies.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 14:54 | 2255285 Sandmann
Sandmann's picture

on loan to Us Treasury Dept

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:20 | 2254865 Contra_Man
Contra_Man's picture

Wouldn't it be funny if Greg Smith was/is executing Banskter GoldenSlacks PR strategy exactly "as planned" from deep within and inside the high Perch.  Hotel California says he will be a TV co-host like Jammer and FasterMoney "know-it-alls" expert side co-hosts aiding the abetting.    When is that FaceBook issue expected to begin trading anyways> 

Perhaps the NYT Editorial was GS compliance approved... you just never know with Dez Guzs.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:10 | 2254867 Atomizer
Atomizer's picture

Yawns. Rebuttal was dry, canned, and reeked of (ME, ME, I, I) egotistical rhetoric.

Quite surprised to learn that GS has 12,000 VP’s. How many GS VP’s does it take to screw a Muppet?



Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:15 | 2254902 gimli
gimli's picture

It only takes 1 VP to screw a muppet, which is why it sucks to be a muppet.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:11 | 2254878 Sandmann
Sandmann's picture

Goldman Sachs was named one of the best places to work in the United Kingdom


Another one of those secret surveys !

Most people don't know Goldman Sachs from the Cosa Nostra and that is internally !

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:13 | 2254891 sIewie the pi-rat
sIewie the pi-rat's picture

He was going to say 99.9% but the PR types suggested that might be misinterpreted

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:14 | 2254894 dynomutt
dynomutt's picture

I think they've been reading Jack Welsh's book.


Bottom 10% and all that.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:16 | 2254903 grunk
grunk's picture

As for the other 11% of you, there's a partners meeting in 20 minutes.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:17 | 2254912 dwdollar
dwdollar's picture

I read this as 89% of Goldman employees are blatant liars.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:25 | 2254935 Catullus
Catullus's picture

Counter rebuttal: everything an HR department says is bullshit.

Also, this does address the issue. You can "feel" your culture is great. But if your culture is great at rewarding fucking your clients is what Greg Smith brought up. Defend how you aren't fucking your clients or how your guys have skin in the game when you make recommendations. I'm so glad you "feel" like you have integrity. Until demonstrated otherwise, his opinion is just as valid as yours.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:21 | 2254936 Miss Expectations
Miss Expectations's picture
"89% Of You Provide Exceptional Services To Clients"

Said the pimp to his hos.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:22 | 2254947 I am a Man I am...
I am a Man I am Forty's picture

Like anybody believes a fucking word these douche bags say.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:27 | 2254978 Vince Clortho
Vince Clortho's picture

Damage Control.

It will continue in the MSM and Smith will be linked to conslpiracy theories of aliens, Bigfoot, Elvis sightings and the return of the Hindenburg.  We will also find out that Smith has a drug poblem, cheated his clients to pay for debt acquired through his insatiable gambling habit, and exhibited delusional behavior to his co-workers.


Wed, 03/14/2012 - 13:46 | 2255056 Sleepless Knight
Sleepless Knight's picture

It not that 89 percent are looking out for their clients walfare - Its 89 percent putting clients ON welfare - and thats a good squid thing.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 14:01 | 2255111 paint it red ca...
paint it red call it hell's picture

next comes the purge.

any bad attitudes will be shown the door then the clamps come down on the remaining..

wonder how bad attitude is defined within goldman, loose lips?????

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 14:26 | 2255192 Seasmoke
Seasmoke's picture

this is exactly why Hank Paulson was pissed off at Jon Corzine for taking GS public........clearly Paulson is the much smarter and greater thief

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 18:26 | 2255207 Eurogroup
Eurogroup's picture

Mister Greg will soon be haunted by unconfirmed stories about an excentric sexlife combined with intensive drug abuse and a lot of other personal issues.  Greg will be gardening for the rest of his life, at best.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 14:57 | 2255298 Benjamin Glutton
Benjamin Glutton's picture

and the Lloyd said,"let he who will risk bonus cast the first stone."


and 11 percent were fired.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 14:57 | 2255299 zuuma
zuuma's picture

Still time to escape.



Wed, 03/14/2012 - 15:05 | 2255345 misnomer
misnomer's picture

Similarily, if you survey kindergartners, 89% of them will tell you that they have never crapped their pants...

I can smell these shitty pants from miles away....

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 15:09 | 2255363 Nobody For President
Nobody For President's picture

Lloyd just developed a severe shoulder strain from patting himself on the back.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 16:12 | 2255609 GoingLoonie
GoingLoonie's picture

The major problem in the securities industry is that the Brokers do not disclose for whom they work.  There needs to be a required simple issued to all investors that says;  

Mr. I. Wrk 4MySelf, the Broker you have chosen to work with does not represent your best interests.  His primary goal and purpose is to sell financial products created by his firm, The Vam Squid, in order to maximize profits for both himself and his firm.  No one working with you at this financial firm or any other has your best interests at heart, nor do they have any fiduciary obligations to you.

This requirement would at least warn people like my 89 year old father that loves his broker that has put his money in long term annuities to maximixe broker up front income.  If this had been done, maybe he would not believe that he is really making about 19% a year on his wonderful investment as apparently he is frequently told over the phone, never in writing.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 19:45 | 2256269 chindit13
chindit13's picture

VP at an IB just means that you finished your MBA and have survived one bonus cycle since graduation.  The title is given so that you won't be too embarrassed going to a client meeting, which you would be if your title was still Associate.

Blankfein wrote the memo for within and without.  His point of noting that Greg Smith was one of 12000 VPs was an attempt to disparage Smith, who in his own Op-Ed noted he had been with Goldman for 12 years.  A VP after 12 years suggests less than stellar performance, which was the hidden message, or counterpunch intentionally delivered by Blankfein.

The rank and file at Goldman are no different than the rank and file at any IB.  The culture used to be one where you know you made a lot of money, and that should be good enough without showing off to the rest of society.  At other firms showing off was a way of life, such as the pilgrimages to the parking lot every other day or so, just after bonuses were handed out, to view somebody's new Ferrari or Lamborghini.

Years ago, back when GS was a private partnership, the culture truly was different.  There was an incentive by partners to keep track of what other partners were doing, as well as any trader who had a decent size O/N position limit, because losses were the responsibility of the owners, i.e., partners.  There was no TBTF.

The IBs do, or at least used to serve a legitimate function in a capitalist society, helping to aggregate and allocate capital to those in society who may have more ideas than funds.  There is nothing wrong with that.  It would be nice if WS went back to that, plus went back to being solely responsible for its own errors.  Sadly, those days are gone.  I doubt Greg Smith ever even knew them.

Wed, 03/14/2012 - 21:24 | 2256456 nestle
nestle's picture

Greg Smith is in witness protection program now.

They mighty Goldman will get him!

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