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The Onion's List Of 5 Most Influential People In Economic News
Simply confirming once again that reality itself has now become a farce...
#5
#4
#3
#2
... and #1
From: The Onion, h/t John Lohman
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This is great. . Buffet and the beard- they will never have a gal like this - http://hedge.ly/gFWVSm
The Bernake, what a joke!
http://silverliberationarmy.blogspot.com/
fuking infamy
shave down Bernanks beard to a little Hitler tash (i'll do it?)
Buffet would look better with 'Crony Capitlist' tatooed on his forhead
where O fuck is Jeff Immelt in this list? Is the Jobs Czar snowed under a 17,000 IRS tax submission where £250bn in profits are rat-holed away to $0.00 tax payable in the swiss cheese tax code for big fascist cunts/corporates?
And surely Tiny Tim Geithner should be in here too... afterall running down the worlds larget economy into the debt sewer and actually admitting his budgets are so shit they don't balance deserves a marker in infamy
Seriously i have to do this list next year if President Trotski Tosser hasn't sent all ZH bloggers to frozen Canadian death camps
might as well just glue a 'penis' to his forehead...
so simple ..so effective ;))
Benjover already has a ski cap like that he wears at the Jackson's Hole parties.
The Onion is miles behind our WB7 on this stuff, IMHO.
It looks like somebody is not paying attention to detail.
No Goldman Sachs employees.
Lets see: Engineers of the the Bailout. Hank Paulson and Neel kashkari. My two top picks.
Top beneficiary of bail out: Lloyd Blankfien. (Also, GS CEO). Received 100 Million Dollar Bonus because of Bailouts.
Geeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
"No Goldman Sachs Employees"
I thought the Bernank worked for Blankfien, so technically speaking he and his boss obunghole are Goldman sucks employees
Coming from the Onion, this is really weak. Perhaps their cup of vitriol ran dry after their take-over? Too bad, because if this is what they do now.... sad.
But of course, the real players and nothing funny about that one, sit in an ugly building in Basel. In fact, it looks like a giant boot. I'm speaking of course of the BIS building.
Now that is Onion humor on a large scale. ;-)
ORI
/the-plan/
Bernake looks stoned dead
When the Bernank dies, his portrait shall live on as the face of the new Three Dollar Bill. On the back side will be a nice picture of Wall Street featuring the Bull sculpture.
Bull on the back, bullshit on the front.
Uncle Ben should be from 1-5!!
Leave the Bernank alone he is my hero.
Heli Ben will be irrelevant or dead by the time this mo fo really blows up. Notice how uncle Alan G-spot is old and frail now. How can one spew hate towards someone's grand pappy? We can spew now to try to keep some sanity, but the house always wins.........until it doesn't.
And may he reign forever as the undisputed champion of fractional reserve banking. Amen
AGENT DEFAULT...
I HOPE YOU ARE JOKING.
He may be. I'm not. When you hollow out an economy via 25 years of open-borders poverty and cheap labor insourcing + "free trade" job and capital outsourcing, about the only thing that'll keep the train on the track for any additional length of time is ZIRP + debt creation/monetization. Too bad - for all of us - that the track runs over a cliff. I actually regard Shalom Ben as a tragic figure. Greenspan...the one who shipped our gold off to Israel...now there's a real bad guy. His wife - Andrea Mitchell - also sucks.
Sober up Mrs. Bernanke. you're so drunk your posting on ZeroHedge again using made up names.
Buffett is a rich socialist (uber-hypocrite) and an old fart.
Most socialists want to share the wealth, not acquire a big pile of it in a bank account with their name on it.
Buffet is a THE crony capitalist. Look him up on wikipedia, under crony capitalist, there's a big picture of him lighting an orphan on fire with a flaming hundred dollar bill and he's flipping us the bird with his other hand.
However you are half right. he is after all a very old fart indeed.
I offered membership but he expected to have dues waived due to his status.
Good ole Uncle Warren...is that a shit-eatin grin or what?
In that foto... He'd just gotten a hummer from Becky Quick...
Where the other Rothschild puppet - the golfing muslim?
He went bike riding on a 10,000.00 dollar mountain bike on flat pavement wearing that goofy crash helmet that makes him look like Alfred E. Neuman.
Oh and he had about a million dollars worth of secrect service pedaling Schwinns with training wheels around him.
Where's Cramer?
Based on his 24 hour complete 180 whip around cycle these days, I suspect he is at the doctor's office looking into an Abilify prescription.
On the subject of Cramer, he is back to pimping Boeing. He has already forgotten that he chased out the "home gamers" on that stock due to a shrinking defense budgets. The guy is a literal joke...captial destroyer.
Abilify and Ginko Biloba, maybe.
Cramer? Not even The Onion goes that low.
Where's Cramer?
on the floor drinking his fucking scotch... Where he belongs...
Where's Cramer? Blowing Geithner for stock tips.
Are Buffett & Bernanke lovers? Enquiring minds want to know......
"Inevitable' sums it up......
Sweet! Kill or be killed. When that day comes, I like my chances, bitchez!
Huh? Where is Steve Liesman and Becky Quick?
Two men enter...one man leave... Enter the Bernank!
The common thing is that they are all idiots.
Strangely Robo is not on the list. Maybe next year dude.
Robo heard the Europeon Death Spiral was in town and ran over to anaheim, thinking it was a new extreme ride!
L0L!!! trying to get tickets!
Robotard is all the rage.
His investment firm: Bad Investment Advice, Inc.
Robo thought the article was a call to go long "ONIONS" (on margin)... So he's in the pits with the Duke Bros...
Da Bernanke announces a $5 trillion dollar MBS LSAP tomorrow.
Where are Keynes, Paul 'Let's Either Invade Mars or Prepare for a Martian Invasion' Krugman, or Alan 'I taught Bernank all about Bubbles' Greenspan?
Remember S.1867 that strips all American citizens of due process?
Well guess what, the section that precluded that law to apply to American citizen was stripped from the bill at the request of OBAMA.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLiKvSz_wX8
Unfucking believable..............
Really? Unbelievable? From Obama? Obama has been wiping his ass with the constitution just like Bush.
Want to know what's really unbelivable they also striped out the part where even if you were found innocent they could still hold you indefinitly.
Jon "the Don" Corzine would be a good one. And how about Dick Oy-vey Bove'?
Bernanke has that type of face,that you would love to bury him up to the top of his neck in sand on a beach,and well......use you imagination...
I personally would piss on him.
Seriously, what's with the beard getting tucked beneath the collar on Bersnickity.
Neither liquid waste or solid waste won't stick, you have to use a hammer.
A nine iron in a pinch.
So would DSK.
The fukee is sandwiched between the fuckers - perfect.
Good observation.
this stuff is so depressing,... i thought i'd add alittle humor by peeling this 'onion' with a few tears of soured laughter -
Quote: "Fixing the Blame" ___ by george kao [chinese wit & humor- c1946]
"A carpenter was hired to fix a bolt on a door. Through a mistake he put the bolt on the outside.
"The blind fool!" the owner scolded him.
"You're a blind fool yourself!" the carpenter retorted.
The owner asked, "How come I'm a blind fool?"
"If you had eyes," he answered, "would you hire a carpenter like me?"
* all "5" listed above duly applicable for interpretation*
Where's Barton Biggs?
He thinks China's going to be ok because of last weeks reduction in pork prices.
Seriously.
http://www.safehaven.com/article/23628/barton-biggs-bullish-on-stocks-fa...
Barton Biggs?
The 20mm mega AUM manager who awakes from his 1:15 nap for his tapioca snack and to shart in his depends, before Bertha, the visiting nurse, takes him to the tub for his sponge bath?
Biggs just pu Dicken's Coal, Packard Auto Co. & The East India Trading Company on his conviction buy list.
What?... No mention about the 'economic GIANTS' like Lakshman Achuthan? - lol
Due to a shortage of news we will be using this one.
Where is Carlos Slim shady, ruler of the short spanish speaking folks south of our border (and 11 MILLION illegally here)??
Where is Carlos Slim Shady? He's standing behind Geithner waiting for Cramer.
the only question worth asking is why DSK never got interviewed on the conspiracy theory about the IMF doing an unfriendly IPO on the FED using GS as lead banker; and Bernanke never got interviewed on how Madoff cloned his power play in 2006-2008 by video taping Hank Paulson's antics with LB and ML while conspiring with Bernanke in FED offices. Its always the inside of the insider story which is fascinating. Imagine if we had learnt that DSK slept with Bernanke's secret GF, the mysterious blonde who ran away at 3 AM from Sofitel on that fatal night, (fatal for his career, not for Nafissa), who was Madoff's paid spy in the FED, as she shared Bernanke's bed, all the while she was PAulson's secretary at GS and then followed him to the Treasury and that she was also GS liaison with White House where she taught Obammy to understand how to spell Ponzi and Michelle how to plant asparagus and dry Obammy's silk undrwear. A woman for all seasons she should be in Number 1 spot on that list. The mysterious blonde from Sofitel, she belongs in a Dashiell Hammett novel, like Maltese falcon.
Why don't those Newsweek and pealed Onion shills learn their true investigative lessons with John LeCarre!
NO, NO, NO!!!!!
You have it all wrong about Bernanke and the Fed. The Washington Post says so.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/fed-bashing-gone-wild/2011/12/09/gIQA6sMDoO_story.html?hpid=z3
so who do you think Bernanke will appoint as TOTUS in 2012?
think he's pretty much done with Obama? I have a feeling he has outlived his usefulness in the position...
I think the Bernank likes what he see in Newt, a solid history of rolling over for the right price.
"I care not what puppet sits in the office of oval and reads from the teleprompter, he who prints the money controls the empire"
-the Bernank 2011
You’ve certainly pinpointed the direction of power, not from the White House, but into the White House.
Only one other time was Netanyahu invited to speak to a joint session of Congress before this year; that was when Newt Gingrich was Speaker of the house. And that, plus Newt’s comments about the Palestinians – “an invented people” – and his suggestion for Secretary of State, Israel’s Number One Choice, uber-hawk John Bolton (primed for war with Iran and a NATO war on Russia), tells you all need to know about Newt Gingrich.
It is true that Gingrich envisions himself to be a modern-day Napoleon and it is true that he can discuss both sides of any question going quickly to whichever side provides the most coin; but there’s one side that he’s never turned his back on, the side that selects and anoints the kings of Washington. That side is the Zionist bankers.
His statement earlier in the campaign criticizing the Federal Reserve and suggesting that he would fire Bernanke only means that he needs certain traction to get elected and once there, there’s no single individual in the United States who knows better than Newt Gingrich that the international bankers will tell him whom to appoint.
Ironically, as different as the day from the night, Ron Paul would be the solution to this disastrous calamity.
Only by way of going 3rd Party. That'll put Zero back in the WH w less than 45% of the popular vote. Existential political crisis + economic collapse = Civil War II. Only Civil War will clean out the Beltway Gang.
Buffett self-made is right; it’s the philosophy of a self-made who apple polishes and associates with the political and financial powers that run this country.
Here is Buffett giving Goldman his vote of confidence at a critical time last year; here is Buffett lending a hand to Goldman’s “charitable” handout to small businesses as men of the people, here is Buffett as Schwarzenegger begins his first rocky steps at the governorship advising him to raise property taxes on the homeowners; here is Buffett side by side with Hillary in the campaign and seamlessly admiring Obama later, and here is Buffett as life-long friend of Washington Post owner Katharine Meyer Graham sliding into a position as her financial advice and major shareholder and something of an eminence grise in the company.
O, yeez. The great agnostic Sage of Omaha with tears staining his alpaca sweater, falling on his diet Coke, ruminating about the people while financing the abortionists. The self-made multi-billionaire, son of stock broker U.S. Rep. Howard Buffett, who pays 15% of his income in taxes while his secretary pays 30.
The people's hero. The modern George Washington.
I thought the Kardashians would have been on that List ...
In US probably you have around 155 mln women and all of them have 2 tits, if you look around you may find, lets say, 0.05%( I think it's too low percentage) of much better quality than those of Kardashians, it gives you about 310k non-silicon boobs. Oh if you look around the world it's gonna go into millions. Do they have something else (I mean Kard....)?
LOL..Eally Ucked
Ya they have asses the size of china, and a sheep fan bace just as large.
Yeah, those are idols for MSM, Onion doesn't like them. Just from the name of the site I assume they like something of the size of onion (your choice of kind) and they don't like eggplants and mellons or whatever.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DR5CXH4PlyE
and the seed money for the operation was from Bob, of Dream Team fame, but probably a good lawyer in his own right. now the two young kids are out of the Kardashian mare, by Bruce Jenner, former Olympian stud, who has a few dollars himself? talk is Kim is going to make a million or so off her 6 week marriage and divorce. perfect example of old world values, those who produced a product or service, versus those who trade on celebrity fame (well paid consumers), but this is global celebrity aristocracy, like Paris Hilton, who never succeeded in her efforts to brand herself. Anna Nicole Smith brought her own money to the game as well, but her show was a keeper. she was always that poor Texas girl. miss her and Sugar Pie too. she could keep it real.
one of my favorite onion headlines is fitting today: "Cambodia to switch to skull based economy"
Always thought Zero could have a running headline contest every friday. Some very talented and smart ass people. Some continual need for comic relief.
In the essence of simplification... I'll condense the last half dozen thread posts here...
SKULL FUCK A KARDASHIAN EVERY FRIDAY...
Don't play with their minds, you'll get your wedding tackle dirty.
Just before we hunker down to kill or be killed this is what will happen:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VZNSA9PJQg
"Rise and Fall of the Federal Reserve: Conclusion"
Oh, that was good! Bravo!!
The FALL of the Federal Reserve...My God doesn't that sound beautiful!
The FALL of the Federal Reserve! That would be an answered prayer!
What? No Lisa Falcone
Firstly, Why isn't Lindsay Lohan on the list? If ANYONE'S LIFE most closely resembles the US eCONomy it is the lovely, yet totally 'MISUNDERSTOOD', Lindsay Lohan who should be named the next Fed Chairperson (we can outsource the actual Federal Reserve operations to the local Fedex/Kinkos facilities) & Larry Kudlow can waltz down the aisle tossing FRNs before Ms. Lohan - screaming his (modified) tag line, "Flee Market Capitalism as it is now the most corrupt mechanism to impoverish the masses!"
If by "most influential" it is meant, "most deserving of execution", then, yes, I concur.
The Onion is great
http://t.co/lgHwB4EX
http://t.co/i3TDapk7
Where the hell is Charles Ponzi???? He's DEFINITELY missing from The Onion's list!!
Maybe I'm losing my funny bone here, but I got nothing out of that. Not even a grin. If the Onion trying to be caty and funny can't even break me up, I don't know what the world (or me) is coming to.
Even Batman face plants once in a while. try this, the drunk bernanke is always a sure fire favorite.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/drunken-ben-bernanke-tells-everyone-at-...
Where is Barney Frank, Dodd, Schumer, Clintons, Bushes, Cheney, Biden, Rubin, Fuld, Blankfein, Mozillo, Pelosi, Paulson, Summers... I hope someone has a master list of the criminals so we can make a deck of cards after SHTF.
shit list
It's like a photo album of the least desirable at a Bastard family reunion.
I thought The Onion was Satire. When did they become a serious business publication?
They became serious only in comparison to the MSM when the MSM became a bigger joke.
I swear that photo of Bernanke makes me either want to throw up or punch him in the face. I'm not sure which.
Punch. In fact, when I do curls I think about his nerdy mug. You should see the guns I've developed from that exercise.
Makes me want to punch him then throw up on his open wounds after a night of bud lights and chicken wings.
Not sure where you are going with the DSK comment. If anyone thinks the woman was a prostitute by coincidence, or that she changed her story, or that shadowy people exchanged high fives in the security office of the hotel, or that the NYPD who is obsessed with beating non violent protesters for their JPM masters would ever respond to the airport and drag DSK off a plane in 23 minutes flat, in NYC? then you are out of your friggin mind.
You bitchez know who should be in this list? ME! I spent wasted my whole life contributing to the carnage of this situation by studying the political scene and thinking it was something more than the puppet show it is to take our eyes off the ball while they steal our civil liberties along with our money and enslave our children. I made this happen along with millions of my counterparts who were too stupid, ignorant, and naive to think that tuning out and focusing our attentions on the don't burn the flag ammendment or the abortion issue would do anyting but let the theives in central banking put a yoke around our necks with that one and most important issue, money. We are now thoroughly screwed. I am going to get seriously drunk tonight and start over tomorrow, but I am not happy and I am not done yet. I want justice.
Save the effort.
There is no justice.
Justice is a rich mans pet in America.
You are living through a kamikaze economic depression. The bankers bombed the treasury with financial explosives.
Load up on canned goods, it looks like a mighty rein is gonna fall real soon now.
It's only round one.
watch MF global teetering on a lever, which way will it fall and what lies beneath?
2nd para, S&W: good, honest post . . . and must enlist myself among its ranks
I Am Smarticus
Bernanke looks insane.
Point is, if that madman prints into the IMF/ECB en masse. He will initiate wars all over the place. That butnut thinks that inflation doesn't exist. But reality is it never abated. F*cking China is crashing and oil is still bid!!! He will doom us all. Very dangerous man.
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the indian semantic bots got their modem working again. A 300 baud nightmare, takes an entire week to download a virus.
Spam marketing just in time for da holidaze.
Apparently the goose is cooked.
Good job Onion, handling OWS the way it should be. The onion isn't afraid of the unholy trinity of the CIA, mega corporo elitists fucksticks and the BO union administration, bitchez.