Presenting The Greatest ROI Opportunity Ever

Tyler Durden's picture

The dream of virtually anyone who has ever traded even one share of stock has always been to generate above market returns, also known as alpha, preferably in a long-term horizon. Why? Because those who manage to return 30%, 20% even 10% above the S&P over the long run, become, all else equal (expert networks and collocated flow-frontrunning HFT boxes aside), legendary investors in the eyes of the general public, which brings the ancillary benefits of fame and fortune (usually in the form of 2 and 20). This is the ultimate goal of everyone who works on Wall Street. Yet, ironically, what most don't realize, is that these returns, or Returns On Investment (ROI), are absolutely meaningless when put side by side next to something few think about when considering investment returns.

Namely lobbying.

Because it is the ROIs for various forms of lobbying the put the compounded long-term returns of the market to absolute shame. As the following infographic demonstrates, ROIs on various lobbying efforts range from a whopping 5,900% (oil subsidies) to a gargantuan 77,500% (pharmaceuticals).

How are these mingboggling returns possible? Simple - because they appeal to the weakest link: the most corrupt, bribable, and infinitely greedy unit of modern society known as 'the politician'.

Yet who benefits from these tremendous arbitrage opportunities? Not you and I, that is for certain.

No - it is the faceless corporations - the IBM Stellar Sphere, the Microsoft Galaxy, Planet Starbucks - which are truly in the control nexus of modern society, and which, precisely courtesy of these lobbying "efforts", in which modest investments generate fantastic returns allowing the status quo to further entrench itself, take advantage of this biggest weakness of modern "developed" society to make the rich much richer (a/k/a that increasingly thinner sliver of society known as investors), who are the sole beneficiaries of this "Amazing ROI" - the stock market is merely one grand (and lately broken, and very much manipulated) distraction, to give everyone the impression the playing field is level.

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holdbuysell's picture

The US' Finest 535 at your service...NOT.


barliman's picture


They are are there to service anyone ...

... who has enough money to get their undivided attention.

Pretty much like any prostitute. Just A LOT MORE EXPENSIVE and NO WHERE NEAR AS LOYAL.


slewie the pi-rat's picture

hey, b_man!

this came out, today and explains some of the bigPharma strategies involved, paying top shrinks and doctors bigBux to propagandize, such as [paste}:

This is the year the APA puts the finishing touches on DSM-5,... Furthering the appearance of self-dealing is the revelation that 57 percent of the DSM-5?s authors have Pharma links. {end]

The Mind Druggers

AldousHuxley's picture

don't be surprised.


government owns pretty much everything


lobbying just tells you we dont live  in pure capitalism but mixed economy where government sets the rules.


So better tell your CEO to get off of his high horse of how he deserves millions of dollars a year, because there is no legitamacy in increasing revenue from government help.

slewie the pi-rat's picture

i don't have a CE0

how long have you had this problem?

don't even think about trying to tell me what lobbying tells me, ok, toy-boy?  i mean it., too

you talk about yourself ok?

i'll handle slewie; been doing it long before you arrived;

this link is from the article by marthaR  Pharma links

why don't you see what it says, mr know-it-all-asswipe? 

Caviar Emptor's picture

You are obviously a by-product of the lobbying lobby. 

slewie the pi-rat's picture

my specialty, CE!

lobbyTenders!  and you choose your sauce!


hey, wouldn't it be fun to drive some of these strip mining monsters down Kstreet and just plant potatoes or some american indian puro tobaccy stock?  or ? 

we'd hafta get new ray-bans...

Caviar Emptor's picture

Da man would hate us, come after us with the latest vaporizing freeze gun. Ooops! Was supposed to deny that one existed....o well

Oh regional Indian's picture

There is only one question that matters in the lobbying game..

How much?

By that simple question, India as an example, and I'm sure large swaths of the rest of the "developing" world has been flooded with:

1) Drugs that are banned in all "developed" countries

2) Pesticides that need full HazMat gear to handle or are outright banned world over, are sprayed by farmers here with hand-kerchiefs around their noses

3) Dangerous, outdated vehicles with known defects in every aspect (disc brakes came to India perhaps 4-5 years ago, that too as an extra and ABS too, as two examples) flood the market

4) Parting the borders for every piece of Chinese crap that can make it. No testing, no consumer protection, no price controls, no anti-dumping stuff. Just flood.

5) For all legitimate work, adding at least 200% to the cost for various Indian "Lobbies"

On and on. 

Sanctified bribery. Period. Scum.


whither-india ???


Michael's picture

Now you know why complete and total worldwide economic collapse is the only solution.


Oh regional Indian's picture

One thing is for sure Michael, this system is not going to go away peacefully, too entrenched and too easy for the lobby scum who steal to let it go.

So yes, big fight upcoming, for sure.


Jendrzejczyk's picture

ORI, the politicians are having too much fun with all the lobbyist money floating around. Here is a link to a political party tracker so everyone can see what their favorite elected officials are up to. 

"Sunlight's Party Time is a project to track parties for members of Congress or congressional candidates that happen all year round in Washington, D.C. and beyond."


Oh regional Indian's picture

Maybe that is why you have to belong to a party? 

I wuz in a party and then I just kept on partying. Cool link.

Douchebags abound in teh corridors of power worldwide.


Caviar Emptor's picture

Yup, ORI. Never was more disapointed from a woman than I was from a political party (or two)

cranky-old-geezer's picture



Now you know why complete and total worldwide economic collapse is the only solution.

Yes it would be a solution, but it won't happen.

What will happen is increasing totalitarian control over the people (who will let it happen because they're sheep). 

They'll be increasingly looted with all manner of taxes, fees for every government service, property assessments, along with currency debasement and banker/government scams where their wealth is directly stolen, like MF Global, and soon coming confiscation of retirement accounts.

The goverment/banker class wants to steal everything they can from the people, reducing them to poverty in a feudalistic society of government/banker lords and everyone else peasants.

Gosh, we're half way there already.

Better teach your kids and grandkids to say "yes m' lord" with proper respect.   It's coming.

Caviar Emptor's picture

What will happen is increasing totalitarian control over the people (who will let it happen because they're sheep). 

Shhhh! Dick Cheney is up my ass to keep you guys quiet this morning!! Tow the frackin' line!

delacroix's picture

from the world of the bagavad ghita, and the mahabarata, to modern day India, it's just sad.

Oh regional Indian's picture

Indeed dela, it's a fractal collapse and it's been a long time coming.


BluePill's picture

Bhagavat gita and maharbharat are fraud texts copied from Greek mythology , just like today's bollywood copies its scripts from Hollywood and Asian flicks and presents them as innovative concepts


No,India is not a land of riches,Hindu Lunatics have created this myth since 1940 and started Brainwashing their population about their Bullshit theory


There are many accounts written byBritish viceroy's that Indians burned Babies Along the shore of ganges in thinking that LORD shiva will rise from ashes and kill all British people


That baby Burning Ritual was practised for 20 days and its Written in Biritsh manuscripts that over 100000 Babies were burnt by indians after they lost the battle with colonial British


Not just that Hindu indians were bed partners with Mughal ISLAMIC emperors and backstabbed them repeatedly

Indians are Backstabbers and cunning Traitors, most digusting specimen ever lived on earth


These people are none other than Ancient people who lived in SODOM and GOMORRAH, indian festivals,Sex temples and Painitings of Sexual fornication on temples  resemble a strangle correlation to ancient people of SODOM and GOMORRAH


Who are know for their degeneracy across the babylon


Indians are direct descendants from Ancient SODOM and GOMORRAH people


I have strong feeling that INDIANS will DEStroy Entire Humanity with their parasitism and Corrupt Practises


The only problem that this world is going through is INDIAN invasion into other lands through immigration


globalization has given wings to these parasitic species and now   they are showing their true colors


Until world wakes up from slumber and Start another nuclear holocaust on indians , nothing will change in this world



cranky-old-geezer's picture



2) Pesticides that need full HazMat gear to handle or are outright banned world over, are sprayed by farmers here with hand-kerchiefs around their noses

Hmmm..... reminds me of BP spraying tankcar loads of Corexit all over the Gulf (plus at the wellhead). 

EPA said stop and BP just flat ignored 'em. 

And they wouldn't let any cleanup people use respirators.

And yes I believe the blowout was planned.

BluePill's picture

Well, i have formulated a theory which explains why indians are most filthiest species amongst human race


Most biologists have forgotten about one thing- i.e parasitism amongst human beings


Just like parasitism exists among animal and plant species even amongst human race parasites exist


and most of these parasites have some lineage to India,India is a land where most degenerate among humans were born, indians are genetically corrupt and most degenerate race


Ever wondered why USA has been Going down since Indian Invasion into USA with Fraud H1B visas started

Silicon valley today became a Whore house  with Indian Wifes doing testing job and Indian husbands floating their Corrupt Immigration Lobby in corporate america


It seems that USA is marching towards dead end One indians stepped in, They are like a disease who entered into healthy body, but American body didnot show any Reaction initially


But lately India started its parasitism, Once Indian vermin infiltrated Upper echelons of corporated America they started Feeding on American Talent


For a Better world we need another Adolf who will burn these parasites in chambers


Every time i encountered an indian he seemed to me like a devil who is hiding something, Ask him about his degenerate religion of Hinduism and Fraud babas

Or ask him why his society sucks and why Millions of Indians are ready to escape that filthy land, he becomes enraged as if he wants hide something or as if he knows that truth that He belongs most degenerate humans ever lived on earth


Every one is sleeping , nobody understands the truth that This world economy is raped by indian parasites and Its collapsing because of their parasitism


I pray for a  day when world wakes up and starts another Holocaust against indian parasitic race which is breeding in mass numbers as it has found new host USA,UK,Gulf and EU


These parasites have wrecked entire world economy and destroying every productive thing that human being has ever created


Indian parasites know deep inside that they are useless uncreative vermin living a miserable parasitic  life feeding on other nations 


I pray for the day when it ends


The only Solution for this crisis is final solution-Complete destruction of Indian parasitc race on earth will solve human problems

slewie the pi-rat's picture

i'll reply2yer 00:57 out here, C_E

the thing that totally frosts my ass about the APA (shrinks) is that torture platform they stand upon while driving their gitMobiles

wtf ever happened to: "First, do no harm"?  is that too much to ask from the medical and healing professions?

i do prefer the HippocraticOath to the hypocritical oafs

NW0?  where?

barliman's picture



Followed the first link through to the following:

Attenuated Psychosis Syndrome       Updated April-27-2012

This condition is being recommended for further study in Section III, which is the section of the DSM-5 text in which conditions that require further research will be included.
A. At least one of the following symptoms are present in attenuated form with relatively intact reality testing, but of sufficient severity and/or frequency to warrant clinical attention:
1. delusions/delusional ideas
2. hallucinations/perceptional abnormalities
3. disorganized speech/communication

Hmmmmmmm ... that will take care of the next Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg and half of their colleagues, friends & known associates ... the only problem is I have never met a medical type who new jack shit about the internet, coding or anything technology related ...

So how exactly do they plan on making those delusional ideas into the 'next big thing' ?


disabledvet's picture

are you sure you want to know?

route40misery's picture

Great article! Thanks for sharing

jcmjr's picture

535+1+9, would be more like it!!

BenLightYear's picture

A great investment for folks who are already quite comfortable...if you have the money to lobby and a business that can be advantaged by it chances are you aren't reading this website because you are pro business and pro economy

boogerbently's picture

We seem to forget,

They ALL "lobbyed" us before they got to that position.

Crab Cake's picture

What is at stake is a representative form of government for the people.

Fascism is representation only for the wealthy and the corporations, and that is exactly what we have here in the US.

It is time for revolution. IT IS TIME FOR REVOLUTION.

I pray, literally, that the military, at the grunt soldier level, understands their true duty. If they fail this greatest of tests it is my firm belief that not only our country but a goodly portion of the world will burn.

Antidisestablishmentarianismist's picture

Kind of reminds me of how the Spanish Civil War started.  Be careful what you wish for.

disabledvet's picture

i've tried. i don't recommend it. from what i've been heard "it's been tried at the Staff officer level" as well..."and they don't recommend it either."

JustObserving's picture

Hey Tyler, some of the ROI calculations are off by a factor of 30 or 40 or even 100 (depending on inflation).  The calculation of ROI is based on returns every  year (OK for a one time subsidy but not multiple year savings).  It should be based on all returns in the future (integrate all gains to present value).  The Pharma lobby spent money just once and the gains are there every year ($90 billion a year forever has a present value of $2 to $3 trillion??)

The return on investment formula: ROI = (Gain from Investment - Cost of Investment)/(Cost of Investment)

The article would be a lot more impressive with the correct formula for ROI.  Some numbers would be at least 30 times larger.

BorisTheBlade's picture

If you wanna be rich, you gotta be a [corrupt] bitch.


Im so fuckin high but that shit is off the hook!

Yen Cross's picture

I live for Southpark after a long day of trading!  That was a great episode. Thanks.

  if I ever change my screen name it will be , Col. Kleenk...

AldousHuxley's picture

wtf, it's friday, and you guys are high and drunk and posting on zerohedge?



THX 1178's picture

My God we're so ahead of the fucking curve it looks now like we're behind it. We're losers now... but after the collapse. 


Dont worry, it was saturday morning where i was.

Trimmed Hedge's picture

It's now Saturday morning for me, and I'm high & posting on ZeroHedge...



mayhem_korner's picture



Stop electing invertebrates.  Problem solved.

Oh...I forgot, the system is fixed.  Looks like Plan B is in - stack gold, ammo and consumables and outlast the bastards on the reset.

Matt's picture

Because we all know that none of the politcal class own large farms, guns and gold. No, they definitly all just live in Washington DC and spend all their money there.

whstlblwr's picture

How many of you here have made an appointment with your congressperson? Problem solved. Lobbyists have strategy they make appointment they talk to them. If all they hear is one story, then they go for the story. Remember SOPA? They heard from us.

barliman's picture


You forgot your /sarc tag.


r00t61's picture

I remember TARP.

They heard from us, and ignored us all the same.

As for SOPA, you realize that CISPA is much much worse, right?  But this time, since the CIA-spawn Wikipedia isn't running a blackout scheme to oppose it, CISPA has already passed the House, and is just waiting to get passed in the Senate.

whstlblwr's picture

A lot of ex-congresspeople remember TARP, too. There isn't mass opposition against CISPA, that's my point. If we stop wasting energy complaining. Instead we work, organize to stop these things, then we can.

Joe The Plumber's picture

Probably one of the few things that unites ows and tea party

mayhem_korner's picture



Tea partiers aren't against tax breaks, and don't subscribe to the phrase "tax breaks for corporations."