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Presenting The Mother Of All European Bailout Flowcharts

Tyler Durden's picture


Earlier we presented the flowchart of the first part of the Eurozone endgame. While satisfactory, many immediately clamored: "what is part two?" Prompted by this surge in intellectual curiosity, John Lohman has risen to meet the challenge of what the Eurozone's Biggest, Baddest, Sexiest Motherf#%$^* Flow Chart looks like. It needs no commentary, and since it also really ties the ponzi room together, we hope nobody micturates upon it until the plane crashes into the mountain. That said, we do have an accounting question: is "ass rape" a credit or a debit?


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Mon, 09/26/2011 - 16:49 | 1712884 mesje
mesje's picture

Personally.. I like Uranus bit at the bottom ;>

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 16:53 | 1712903 johnQpublic
johnQpublic's picture

unicorns for me, but no skittles?

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:05 | 1712948 mjb99na
mjb99na's picture

Dollars and Euros flow into Goldman, never to be seen again.... perfect analysis

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:12 | 1712966 strannick
strannick's picture

It's....beautiful. William Banzai himself must be nodding approvingly


Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:25 | 1713121 floyd084
floyd084's picture

Exactly, Goldman is like a blackhole for fiat.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 22:02 | 1713630 Fukushima Sam
Fukushima Sam's picture

Oh shit!  (rummaging around, looking for the lube)

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 22:23 | 1713668 Manthong
Manthong's picture

Just need a little more room at the bottom of the chart to show all the €’s and $’s falling out the bottom of  Uranus.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 23:59 | 1713790 Fish Gone Bad
Fish Gone Bad's picture

I am just awestruck.  Nice job.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:06 | 1712951 tekhneek
tekhneek's picture

he forgot double and triple rainbows...

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 22:17 | 1713041 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Yes, while very good, this chart somehow failed to capture the role of unicorns, skittles and pixie dust, with those three ingredients and catalysts being indispensable to the New World Economic (Dis)Order.

And, oh, Ben 'Inflation Is Too Low For Your Economic Health' Bernank, Abby Joseph '24/7/365 Conviction Buy' Cohen, tulip bulbs, Barton 'I Sharted My Depends' Biggs, Leprechaun farts, SEC Midget Porn, and the soon to be released edible iPhone5 would be nice to see as synergistic forces in this chart, too.

Tue, 09/27/2011 - 02:06 | 1713898 Bruce Flea
Bruce Flea's picture

He forgot the Bernie Madoff connection too...

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:27 | 1712998 TheLooza
TheLooza's picture

I'm pretty sure that the Seattle Seven play some role in all of this.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:25 | 1712986 vast-dom
vast-dom's picture

certainly do-able (like a toothless crack-hoe who don't know which way is up or down after bouncing along the street on her busted grill).


//¿sarc off¿/

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:40 | 1713028 GenX Investor
GenX Investor's picture

This is FUCKING FANTASTIC, and so is getting baked on HOPIUM.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:23 | 1713053 Shvanztanz
Shvanztanz's picture

so, if that's us .... and we're watching us...watching ourselves, then when will then be now?

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 23:30 | 1713754 thatthingcanfly
thatthingcanfly's picture


Tue, 09/27/2011 - 04:19 | 1714011 Jalaluddin
Jalaluddin's picture

Missing box: Thin Air

Missing arrows: from Thin Air to Fed; from Public to Thin Air.

Arrow labels: $ in both cases.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 16:50 | 1712888 lookma
lookma's picture

LOL silliness - you forgot the most important part, the thing the WHOLE f'ing EURO currency is built on - GOLD.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:55 | 1713182 UP Forester
UP Forester's picture

You mean GLD....

Wed, 09/28/2011 - 11:23 | 1718488 Digital_Bucaneer
Digital_Bucaneer's picture

I sense you have no knowledge whatsoever on the actual "backing" of the "euro".
If by any chance you happened to understand spanish, here in this PDF:
You'll be able to see how politicians changed the compulsory 25% minimum gold backing, for an optional 25% backing, with the phrase "it doesn't have to", thus clearing the way to an inevitable burst of debts backing more debts and practically leaving gold forgotten.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 16:51 | 1712892 SheepDog-One
SheepDog-One's picture

Steve Liesman centerpiece of Euro 'Suicide Pact Bailout' success....LMAO

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:34 | 1713139 I think I need ...
I think I need to buy a gun's picture

the chart is priceless......lmao

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 16:51 | 1712893 Deadpool
Deadpool's picture

need to stick the tilted Enron "E" in the middle.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 16:52 | 1712896 Sequitur
Sequitur's picture

Lawlz Liesman on top with the "misinformation" arrow.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 16:53 | 1712901 Caviar Emptor
Caviar Emptor's picture

Long Greek yogurt...Short bratwurst...pair trade

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 16:54 | 1712909 HpDeskjet
HpDeskjet's picture

Funny :)

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 16:55 | 1712910 Lord Welligton
Lord Welligton's picture

It's all perfectly clear now.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 16:55 | 1712912 Id fight Gandhi
Id fight Gandhi's picture

Fuckin A' chart porn

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 16:57 | 1712923 metastar
metastar's picture

I need a GPS to navigate this mess.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 16:59 | 1712926 Gold Man-Sacks
Gold Man-Sacks's picture

I'd say a few things are missing.  Namely, JP Morgan ass raping silver.  And, Al Gore ass raping the public with carbon taxes (with help from Max Keiser).  There.  Done.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 16:59 | 1712927 Gold Man-Sacks
Gold Man-Sacks's picture

I'd say a few things are missing.  Namely, JP Morgan ass raping silver.  And, Al Gore ass raping the public with carbon taxes (with help from Max Keiser).  There.  Done.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 19:14 | 1713226 CompassionateFascist
CompassionateFascist's picture

Yeah Keiser is a twitchy 'lil Heeb....but the show is worth watching for Stacy. Last installment the camera suddenly switched from him to her while Max was still ranting...& she's like, "what is this idiot babbling about!?!?"

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 16:59 | 1712928 Cheesy Bastard
Cheesy Bastard's picture

Funny, but lets simplify:

Your money--------------------->Toilet

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:00 | 1712933 Floordawg
Floordawg's picture

"micturates" HA! that's some fancy pissin'!

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 20:05 | 1713372 slewie the pi-rat
slewie the pi-rat's picture

slewie pissed on that last BBC propaganda, big-time!

this is better

continue drinking, tyler!

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:02 | 1712941 IMA5U
IMA5U's picture

this chart made my day


i was at a stupid hispter bar in chinatown the other day that charges $18 for drinx.  a european advertising type asked if i still worked for the devil and told me america is destroying the world and education and healtchare should be free.  i told him it worked really well in europe.  look at greece and spain.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:10 | 1713096 Piranhanoia
Piranhanoia's picture

Be glad you weren't in, and I apologize for just saying the name like this without and emergency collapse or another good reason; Belgium.  They are serving "Eurini's". Gin, Vermouth, and yes, you guessed it.  Olives.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:02 | 1712942 Shinjuku
Shinjuku's picture

lawl - Honestly I missed M. Yass under Enron

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:02 | 1712943 Vincent Vega
Vincent Vega's picture

First thing I noticed was the direct link from Ur-anus to Goldman. Got KY?

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:06 | 1712944 mjb99na
mjb99na's picture


Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:03 | 1712945 Byte Me
Byte Me's picture

Can't see Greece in there anymore, it's mutated (metastasized) far enough from the original problem for them to now sneak off stage left and leave everyone else holding the crap. Double leveraged, of course.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:07 | 1712954 Peter K
Peter K's picture

The reason that you don't see the Germans in the chart is because cash doesn't really enter the picture anywhere. The essential part of this chart are the "words". If you can get the wording right, and the arrows to point in the proper direction, you can solve the entire Euroland solvency/liquidity/confidence/communication problem:)

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:04 | 1712946 Peter K
Peter K's picture

I take it this chart is still work in progress?

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:08 | 1712955 digalert
digalert's picture


Substantial periphery elements omitted for clarity.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:15 | 1712967 RemiG2010
RemiG2010's picture

One element is missing in the diagram, that is the big' deal with M. Yass from Lebanon's "Central" Bank.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:18 | 1712981 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

+1 for the avatar

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:15 | 1712972 Byte Me
Byte Me's picture

In answer to Tyler's question ": is "ass rape" a credit or a debit?"

It has to be a credit since it's a Liquidity Injection.


Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:16 | 1712973 BrocilyBeef
BrocilyBeef's picture

mental image... ohh usd!

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:20 | 1712987 Byte Me
Byte Me's picture

I guess the jizzum is green in this case too..

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:12 | 1713099 cowdiddly
cowdiddly's picture

Right, assrape is a Credit, as in thoroughly Overapplied Direct Labor causing the "bottom line" to shrink up substaintially.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:36 | 1713125 Shvanztanz
Shvanztanz's picture

whenever Uranus is ass-raped, it is always regarded as a credit... by the crediTOR


... I mean, they cover it in soap and they act like they are doing you a FAVOR!

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 20:08 | 1713378 Shvanztanz
Shvanztanz's picture

you know, in retrospect, I realize, the idea of ass raping just kind of turns people off. even if it is Uranus

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:28 | 1713129 Absalon
Absalon's picture

It depends on whether or not you're the one making the deposit.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:17 | 1712976 Caviar Emptor
Caviar Emptor's picture

Remember: Charybdis is a whirlpool, ready to suck down brave navigators of the choppy Mediterranean sea 

Tue, 09/27/2011 - 04:25 | 1714016 RealFinney
RealFinney's picture

But as long as we sail close to the cliffs we'll all be ok right?

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:18 | 1712980 Agent P
Agent P's picture

It's a credit to the Raper and a debit to the Rapee.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:20 | 1712983 mynhair
mynhair's picture


Need LIESman clones and racist TEA party, though.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:19 | 1712984 haskelslocal
haskelslocal's picture

You forgot to mention the Full Tilt Poker Ponzie, which has hysterically made the WSJ 3-days running. Why? Because it's easy to blame poker crooks for their shinanagans because, afterall, it IS gambling! Talk about a "fall guy" opportunity.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:52 | 1713180 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

I do agree that playing poker is not gambling.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:23 | 1712990 mynhair
mynhair's picture

Which leg gets me a ticket on that inter-continental railroad?  Would love to take the train from Seattle to Sydney!

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:36 | 1713017 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

Not yet, it will be in the next JOBS! bill that as with the current one hasn't been submitted to the House yet. ;-)

- Ned

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:22 | 1712991 TheLooza
TheLooza's picture

Strong men also cry...Strong men also cry.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:32 | 1713009 Agent P
Agent P's picture

I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs. Some Chinaman took them from me in Korea.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:01 | 1713078 TheLooza
TheLooza's picture

Hey...this is a private residence

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:03 | 1713079 TheLooza
TheLooza's picture

double post.  replaced with:


Leads??....yeah sure, I'll just check with the boys at the crime lab.  They got 4 more detectives working on the case.  They got us working in shifts!

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:28 | 1713001 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

I still think "Poopy-doo" is better for Papandreau than G Pap. Plus the EU "bailout theme song" to go along with it:

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:46 | 1713042 optimator
optimator's picture

Makes sense.  Why isn't the chief architect's name and title at the top of the plan.

The Timmah plan, to be known as The Pact of Steel II, soon to be available as a bonus with the new improved Turbo Timmy Tax Avoidence for Elites. 

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:48 | 1713045 Lord Welligton
Lord Welligton's picture

German turmoil over EU bail-outs as top judge calls for referendum

Things not looking good in Germany.

 "The sovereignty of the German state is inviolate and anchored in perpetuity by basic law. It may not be abandoned by the legislature (even with its powers to amend the constitution)," he said.

"There is little leeway left for giving up core powers to the EU. If one wants to go beyond this limit – which might be politically legitimate and desirable – then Germany must give itself a new constitution. A referendum would be necessary. This cannot be done without the people," he told newspaper Frankfurter Allgemeine.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:39 | 1713149 Shvanztanz
Shvanztanz's picture

A judge just realized that the mob was getting angry enough to visit someone's house.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:49 | 1713046 SparkySC
SparkySC's picture


Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:18 | 1713109 Alpha Monkey
Alpha Monkey's picture

Fuck the DOOMED!

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 17:57 | 1713064 ebworthen
ebworthen's picture

Circle jerks don't make babies; just a gooey mess.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:00 | 1713071 Lord Welligton
Lord Welligton's picture
Greek police protest troika, German and French embassies


Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:03 | 1713085 SwingForce
SwingForce's picture

OOOoohhh very scary! All you Assholes should H/T RobotTrader, XLF bottomed, bitchez...

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:14 | 1713103 bgilliam83
bgilliam83's picture

so funny I forgot to laugh

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:28 | 1713128 downtownshuter
downtownshuter's picture

oh god laughing too hard at work. love it

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:30 | 1713133 sabra1
sabra1's picture

was the spanish cabinet dissolved? CNN

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:39 | 1713147 Lord Welligton
Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:33 | 1713138 Rockfish
Rockfish's picture

Ring Ring Ring, Hellooo U S House of Missrepresentation where may I direct your call.

Yes I am a tax pay citizen down here in S Carolina ravaged by hurricane Irean and need some help and would like to know when it was coming.

Please hold.............

Hi can i help you?

Yes I am a tax pay citizen down here in S Carolina ravaged by hurricane Irean and need some help and would like to know when it was coming.

Please hold...........................


Yes I am a tax pay citizen down here in S Carolina ravaged by hurricane Irean and need some help and would like to know when it was coming.

Well citizen we would love to help but before that can happen we have to cut some other service you receive right now so we can lower the debt.

Could you hold for a moment while i send this weeks Afganistan 2 billion dollar check out. Those boys get testy if its late.



Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:36 | 1713144 mynhair
mynhair's picture

It's cheaper to ship hay to China than Kansas? 

What a world!  We need higher fuel taxes!  Somewhere, a Lib is homeless.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:49 | 1713169 fdisk
fdisk's picture

Forget about Greece, cause Day when they actually DEFAULT, Market

will run up 400 points.. That's how old and sick this story been..

Any resolution will play positive role. Other EU members have years to

f*ck around, before any serious issue occur.

Let's watch and see.. Don't wait for Market collapse, just do your

regular duty and buy Gold/Silver, this should payout eventually..

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:50 | 1713172 jdelano
jdelano's picture

At this point why doesn't Obama just have Buffet lever up and buy every share on the S&P?

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:51 | 1713174 itstippy
itstippy's picture

This flow chart must have leaked earlier today.  The US markets kept rising, and the MSM sites all attributed it to "new hopes for a resolution to Europe's debt problems".  Yet I could find nothing from Europe but this:  

"European financial officials uniformally strongly agree that bold action must be taken to immediately discuss the possibility of perhaps taking decisive, concrete steps to envision a cooperative fiscal climate among member States who share common interest in clear, transparent terms to address alternative future initiatives sometime perhaps as early as November." said Finance Minister Madame Pontificates-Always.

Now I understand the market surge - that chart leaked out.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 19:03 | 1713199 disabledvet
disabledvet's picture

If general electric's biggest competitor just got taken down because of a massive scandal which had nothing to do with the basic operations of said competitor would GE's stock rally? Clearly it would be advantaged. The EU en toto is easily the USA's biggest competitor. They can "choose" not to get their act together. Or they can choose to create the conditions whereby they are still whole as we did in 2008. Either way USA Inc is aided by a certain amount of chaos since market demand in the USA is overwhelmingly internal in nature. Not that exports don't help of course--but outside of East Asia who's truly buying right now? I say very few.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:53 | 1713181 fdisk
fdisk's picture

WTF? Anybody saw that PIN on Silver Daily from $26 to $30.50.. Ouch!

Mf*ckers sold at $26 probably biting dirt now..

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:57 | 1713187 AgK9
AgK9's picture

I'm long K-Y; short black ink

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 18:59 | 1713191 UP Forester
UP Forester's picture

I don't know, but kinda looks like the emissions sticker on a 88 Mazda B2200 from Kalifornia I used to own....

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 19:05 | 1713203 chump666
chump666's picture

And who is gonna pay??? Germany? France?  On leverage as they both eventually get credit downgrades. It's  Old, old, old Europe again.  Pathetic

KICK GREECE OUT!  Forget'em, they are nothing to nobody.  Germany goes up 40% on the EFSF...They will leave the EU.


Mon, 09/26/2011 - 19:05 | 1713205 Everybodys All ...
Everybodys All American's picture

You guys made my day with this one. A breath of fresh air no doubt. It is unbelievable how much bs comes out of Leisman and co. 

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 19:24 | 1713249 Mr_Wonderful
Mr_Wonderful's picture

Nice job Tylers as usual but for emotional impact in the last stages of propaganda bubble Mother should be replaced by Mommy.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 21:01 | 1713523 doomz78
doomz78's picture

so when banks in europe fail or they do a europe quantitative easing to refinance the banks will gold and silver shoot through the roof?   The world seems to be trying to print their way out of everything!!!!  I think if they bail out the european banks we will solidify a few more years of slow and steady bull market in gold and silver.  A more controlled explosion of the euro if you will...  Am I wrong on this?   Now for the USA....  I don't know where to begin.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 21:02 | 1713524 Tuffmug
Tuffmug's picture

This is a giant stealth money printing con and will be watching European sovereign bond markets and the FX market to see if the markets swallow it. 

SPV avoids the prohibition preventing another country from buying another country's sovereign debt. "We  are definitely not buying Greek debt, we are buying SPV debt!"

Structure complicated enough so there is plausible deniability for ECB to deny the fact that they are printing to absorb the entire cost of the bailout. 

No true market exposure to price bonds as worthless shit as all bonds will be held in ECB marked to par value as collateral for the money ECB creates and nets back to the non PIIGS.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 21:05 | 1713534 Ned Zeppelin
Ned Zeppelin's picture

I'm pretty sure the best part of any collapse will be listening to the dying gasps of Goldman as it flounders and sinks beneath the economic waves. 


Mon, 09/26/2011 - 21:40 | 1713558 THE DORK OF CORK
THE DORK OF CORK's picture

Export Euros to Uranus & get the Yanks to make war on Mars

I love it when a plan comes apart................



Mon, 09/26/2011 - 21:29 | 1713579 Cult of Criminality
Cult of Criminality's picture

Micturates.....Nice Tyler...nice   lol

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 21:34 | 1713585 Ckashan
Ckashan's picture

I haven't posted in a long time as I have been too busy preparing myself in everyway way, form, and fashion but of course I find to time to get back on and do a quick browse session.  This chart has me cracking up.  In the 'misinformation' channel all I could imagine was a dismal handjob.

Mon, 09/26/2011 - 22:30 | 1713679 Sigma X
Sigma X's picture

That all looks about right to me...although I have to think Uranus is closer to and related to the public somehow.

Tue, 09/27/2011 - 00:25 | 1713812 caustixoid
caustixoid's picture

"it really ties the ponzi room together".  Classic.  The Dude would abide.

Tue, 09/27/2011 - 00:55 | 1713841 economics1996
economics1996's picture

My studetns will love this shit.

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