Previewing The Summer's Distractions: Listing Upcoming Silver Screen Releases

Tyler Durden's picture

It is no secret that when it comes to attention spans and 'deep thought', Americans would rather be at the movies. After all, for a country which prides itself on its distractability and sales of ADHD medications, the only thing that matters is the line up of entertainment. Perhaps one reason why last summer's debt ceiling fiasco ended up being such a popular thriller with the masses is that the movie lineup at the time was less than inspiring, leading to a 1.4% decline in summer theater attendance. Which begs the question: what is in store for this year? Because as we have noted, we already know that the US debt ceiling will likely be breached sometime in September, leading into the presidential election, and as a result Americans will demand distraction, or else there is an all too real possibility the same market crash as happened in August of 2011, may recur. So what are the distractions in store for the herd? Courtesy of BofA and the Hollywood Stock Exchange, here is the complete summer lineup, coupled with the HSX movie stock price (an indicator of expected revenues). Will it be enough to offset reality setting in with a thud? You decide.

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Gully Foyle's picture


"I stick to full length 1080p downloads, pop that on a media player with an attached 2TB drive, and am good to go."


vast-dom's picture

Just wait till they do a FIGHT CLUB remake and a Tyler Durden, Vampire Hunter spin-off with Tyler and Abe Lincoln locked up a la Saw in a Shrodinger's sarcophagus while ZIRP goes negative and the zombies are about to breach the boarded up entrance.

q99x2's picture

Battleship and Prometheus then onto throwing the president under the budget bus.

junkyardjack's picture

That list is irrelevant if it doesn't have Dark Knight Rises on there. That's the only movie that matters for the summer

Blue Horshoe Loves Annacott Steel's picture

The movie was cancelled.

Bruce Wayne invested all his money with Goldman Sachs & now Batman is a squattor in a foreclosed upon Wayne Manor.

q99x2's picture

Pre-market luck barometer TVIX at $7.11

the not so mighty maximiza's picture

You forgot "Iron SKy"  FTW


mayhem_korner's picture



Agreed.  I'm longing for Raymond Burr telling the tale of Godzilla.

Dermasolarapaterraphatrima's picture

"Balloon Boy" is being made into a docuthriller with a Vampire?

lsbumblebee's picture

"Barbie Battles the Nazis", starring Adam Sandler and Zooey Deschanel. It'll make millions.

Mercury's picture

I haven’t seen the movie but I find the Hunger Games books (or more specifically, their huge popularity) to be incredibly disturbing.

Finding a new way to explain the horrors of war to teen-agers  is a noble enough intention but encouraging much younger kids to read this material (which is more or less devoid of any uplifting or positive principals, ethics or outcomes) is a little creepy.


It seems like I was just being labeled an insensitive reactionary for giving the green light to old Bugs Bunny cartoons in front of young minds and now I’m some kind of prude for not doing the same to a book/movie rife with child murder, sexual exploitation, begging for death, recurring song lyrics about suicide, torture and psychological trauma.


But perhaps it will better prepare the little blighters for the rest of their vapid iLives.

Clowns on Acid's picture

Was ther Title changed from "Vampire Squid"?

OutLookingIn's picture

Yes. Whole heartedly agree.

I would not expend the effort, let alone the price, to cross the street and view any of the offerings.

Garbage, looks like another amuse yourself Summer in the offing.

crawldaddy's picture

John Carter is already one of the biggest flops in the history of the industry.  So Hollywood is off to a good start this year.

ebworthen's picture

Last time I took my kids and myself to a movie theater it cost me $41; $8 each plus $14 for popcorn and three sodas. 

It had been a year since I'd taken the trouble to take them to the theater and it may be two years before I do it again.

I can wait a couple of months and watch the same movie at home for $1 and not have crying toddlers and cell phones going off all around me.

A dead model for sure.

Martin Silenus's picture

If there be nothing new, but that which is 
Hath been before, how are our brains beguiled,
Which, labouring for invention, bear amiss 
The second burden of a former child.


~ Sonnet 59, Shakespeare

Blue Horshoe Loves Annacott Steel's picture

The biggest blockbuster will be:

The Fed: Operation Quantitative Easing III.

IMF agent Ethan Hunt fights hyper inflation but is powerless to stop it, so he just buys gold, sits on it, & buys a whole US state @ the end.  & gets change too.

Blue Horshoe Loves Annacott Steel's picture

I added all of these to my Netflix queue.  Thanks.  

I think I'll be getting "Ghost Rider" the soonest. </sarc>

Nobody For President's picture

With The Avengers kicking The Dictators ass, it looks like the debt ceiling debate may go badly this summer...