Reminder: First Nationwide Emergency Alert System Test At 2:00 PM Eastern

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Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:43 | 1861926 HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

I can't wait to see Big Sis' face on my TV screen as the anthem plays in the background!

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:44 | 1861959 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

The American anthem?  Or the one where Obummer was born?


Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:46 | 1861970 camaro68ss
camaro68ss's picture

When big sis says "dont panic, this is only a test" Its time to panic! lol

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:48 | 1861999 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

like the tests that were being carried out during 9/11?
like the tests that were being carried out during the London bombings?
like the tests that were being carried out when Breivik pulled his stunt?

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 17:40 | 1863155 mkkby
mkkby's picture

Does it include smoke signals?  I'm wondering how I'll get the message when an EMP has taken out my radio, TV and internet.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:49 | 1862006 Conrad Murray
Conrad Murray's picture

Remember to avoid watching TV, listening to the radio, etc while the test is going on. More mind control than usual will be taking place.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:57 | 1862019 hedgeless_horseman
Wed, 11/09/2011 - 15:17 | 1862133 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

This is just a test, and only a test.

In the case of a true emergency, there won't be any such notification, and you can tell that there's a disaster because your ass will be smoking while we focus every resource on getting the unelected shadow government to Cheyenne Mountain so that we can quickly admit them entry and lock the facility down as tight as a drum before the bare threaded, starving masses start showing up.

It sucks to not be a COG in the wheel.

You're on your own, bitchez.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 15:13 | 1862242 SilverIsKing
SilverIsKing's picture

Did the test cover all 57 states?

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 15:22 | 1862333 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Yes, and the U.S. Territories of the Bahamas, Jamaica, Antigua, Trinidad & Winnebago, too.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 15:37 | 1862438 mophead
mophead's picture

Has there ever been an activation of the national-level EAS?


Why test the national-level EAS?

Because we want to scare the hell out of the American people.

Who will conduct a nationwide EAS Test?

The CIA, Al-Qaeda, and certain Right-Wing Republicans who stand for the Military Industrial Complex.

Will an Emergency Action Termination (EAT) message be used?

There will be secrete subliminal messages, of course.

What FIPS code will be used during the Test?

Who cares, we want to scare everyone.

Will FEMA and the FCC specifically test for Common Alerting Protocol (CAP) compliance?

We'll comply with whatever we want.

Will NOAA Weather Radio carry the Test?

No, but speaking about the weather, HAARP is ready to go.

How can EAS Participants prepare for the Test?

Cuddle up in a fetal position.

What will people hear and see during the Test?

A bunch of weird noises and a song from Black Sabbath: WAR PIGS.

How long will the Test last?

As long as it takes to scare the hell out of everyone.

Why is the Test being conducted at this particular date and time?

Because we're going to start World War III. Ultimately, we will be fighting against the Russians, Chinese, and North Korea, while Israel fights against Iran and other Middle Eastern countries.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 15:29 | 1862385 grok
grok's picture

I just woke up, what'd I miss?

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:55 | 1862058 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

While waiting in line for a TSA "Freedom Touch" Janet Napolitano came onto the screen of an over-head TV.  The "See something say something" campaign was being promoted by her.  After she asked for us to say something if we see something I blurted out, rather loudly, "I see something, Ms. Napolitano looks conspicuously like a man."  The laughter of the crowd around me was funnier than my comment.  Ad hominem attacks are fun from time-to-time.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:58 | 1862084 Note to self
Note to self's picture

Is there anything more clever and hilarious than making people's names into funny sort-of-sound-alike words?  Oh yes, puns,  Those are even funnier.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:52 | 1862028 Piranhanoia
Piranhanoia's picture

Time for a new anthem, the old one doesn't apply any more.  It was about freedom.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:59 | 1862090 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

I have new words. This way we can keep the tune -


Oh say can you see TSA touching me
As they fondle my balls with our rights slowly fleeting
With blue shirts and black boots
Take away all my rights
With no shoes and no belt
TSA perverts feeling
Touching my pubic hair
Fingers in underwear
We all are suspects with the terrorists winning
Oh say does that TSA agent care
For the land of the thief and the home of the slave

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:55 | 1861930 Deadpool
Deadpool's picture

is this some nationalization of the cable companies or something?

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:43 | 1861939 ZerOhead
ZerOhead's picture

Internet fails?

Now why would an unlikely thing like that ever happen?

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:45 | 1861965 Jonas Parker
Jonas Parker's picture

As long as the DHS goons stay the hell off the amateur radio bands...

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:46 | 1861968 0cz
0cz's picture

And all of the sudden every America spontaneously supports war with Iran after this test.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:49 | 1862016 john39
john39's picture

funny.  you have to be suspicious about what these assholes are up to with this....

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:47 | 1861977 Mutatto
Mutatto's picture

Bullish....I know this because it's during market hours.


Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:47 | 1861979 pods
pods's picture

They are merely warming up the system to broadcast the Two Minutes Hate.


Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:47 | 1861984 Deadpool
Deadpool's picture

will it interfere with Rachel Ray?

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 16:33 | 1862811 andybev01
andybev01's picture

If it dose they can leave it running.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:48 | 1861988 iLoveMisesToPieces
iLoveMisesToPieces's picture

How hilarious would it be to swap out the recording with something like:  "We've declared marshal law, please wait for an escort to the nearest death, er FEMA camp".

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:48 | 1861993 sabra1
sabra1's picture

market crashes, everyone long has their stops run through! that is why all shorts were taken out!

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:48 | 1861996 alien-IQ
alien-IQ's picture

oh this should be orgasmagorically fun.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:52 | 1861997 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

Test my ass. It's a test for them for when they want to shut down the flow of information. I hope , for those of you who aren't prepared, that you do so very soon.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:59 | 1862030 seek
seek's picture

Which is why they're leaving off the EAT code on transmission. That's the code that causes the automatic equipment to tune back to normal programming. This is the wierdest part about this test.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:48 | 1862000 El Gordo
El Gordo's picture

I'm unpluggin everything right now.  Better to remain ignorant.  Wonder how many emergencies Mr. O with come up with to get his mug out there for election season.  What a real farce we have here now. 

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:48 | 1862001 stateside
stateside's picture

Is this where the first ever subliminal broadcast occurs where we are all told to buy US stocks even if we have to go on margin?


Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:55 | 1862002 Mercury
Mercury's picture

 On June 9th, FEMA, the FCC and EAS Community Leaders and Experts participated in a virtual roundtable discussion on how to improve and prepare EAS Participants for the upcoming Test to support a best practice guide. FEMA and the FCC will continually improve the best practice guide in future roundtable and webinars and events (please see the Event Calendar for upcoming activities).

Well then I guess we don't need to see the test results to know that we're all fucked.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:49 | 1862004 Cone of Uncertainty
Cone of Uncertainty's picture

This is a test, and only test.

Now, bend over and take it sheep, I'm your master overlord, Ben BerBlanco.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:49 | 1862007 Piranhanoia
Piranhanoia's picture

Gee,  we went back to the future.  Should we get under our desks?   Should we all call the police about anyone the wrong color?  If we cover our eyes will we get our retina's back?

it was fucking stupid in the 50's and 60's.  It is laughable now.  These are the stations that don't have people running them any longer.  Thank your NAB and their lobbying to destroy local TV and radio. 

You have to pay a subscription fee to get emergency warnings now.  Wonder who collects the fee?

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 15:11 | 1862223 Dr. Richard Head
Dr. Richard Head's picture

There was a turtle by the name of Burt and Burt the turtle was very alert.  When danger threatened he never got hurt, he knew just what to do -

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:49 | 1862015 JPM Hater001
JPM Hater001's picture

Thank you...I almost missed the practice drill for the end of the world.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:50 | 1862017 Johnny Yuma
Johnny Yuma's picture

It's just Skynet readying their global take over... This is just a test... For now...

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:54 | 1862023 Odin
Odin's picture

Edit: Duck, and cover. Duck, and cover.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:52 | 1862029 Taterboy
Taterboy's picture

This in case the astroid that missed us decides to turn around and come back at us.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:52 | 1862033 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

Why is the Test being conducted at this particular date and time?


Because the shitstorm we, the government, created is coming.



fixed it using disinformation filters.



Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:53 | 1862036 junkyardjack
junkyardjack's picture

They will alert us that our money is now gone

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 16:57 | 1862930 Hayabusa
Hayabusa's picture

They will inform us that they have changed the rules of the game and repeat the phrase "resistance is futile."

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:53 | 1862038 Thorny Xi
Thorny Xi's picture

The most overhyped 30 seconds in history .. and BTW, the keywords NOAA and NWS are wrong - they're not involved in this test. 

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:53 | 1862039 Clay Hill
Clay Hill's picture

IP address bookmarked.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 15:05 | 1862157 Carlyle Groupie
Carlyle Groupie's picture

Lolz. Website Value* 1.25. Imagine if Reggie was not here it would only be worth prolly 250K.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 15:19 | 1862302 Panafrican Funk...
Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

I particularly like that Tampa, FL is one of the largest daily visitor cities for ZH.  That's just fun.  Go Tampa!

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:53 | 1862045 faustian bargain
faustian bargain's picture

Duck and Cover! Duck and Cover!

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:54 | 1862048 Alcoholic Nativ...
Alcoholic Native American's picture

This is outragous, I gotta get my fill of the Maurry show and Jerry springer in the daytime.  This thing better not last long.

Wed, 11/09/2011 - 14:56 | 1862070 TuesdayBen
TuesdayBen's picture

This is such a good and great thing.  Gawd I lub me some BigGubmint.

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