Reminder: First Nationwide Emergency Alert System Test At 2:00 PM Eastern

Tyler Durden's picture

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HelluvaEngineer's picture

I can't wait to see Big Sis' face on my TV screen as the anthem plays in the background!

nope-1004's picture

The American anthem?  Or the one where Obummer was born?


camaro68ss's picture

When big sis says "dont panic, this is only a test" Its time to panic! lol

Ahmeexnal's picture

like the tests that were being carried out during 9/11?
like the tests that were being carried out during the London bombings?
like the tests that were being carried out when Breivik pulled his stunt?

mkkby's picture

Does it include smoke signals?  I'm wondering how I'll get the message when an EMP has taken out my radio, TV and internet.

Conrad Murray's picture

Remember to avoid watching TV, listening to the radio, etc while the test is going on. More mind control than usual will be taking place.

TruthInSunshine's picture

This is just a test, and only a test.

In the case of a true emergency, there won't be any such notification, and you can tell that there's a disaster because your ass will be smoking while we focus every resource on getting the unelected shadow government to Cheyenne Mountain so that we can quickly admit them entry and lock the facility down as tight as a drum before the bare threaded, starving masses start showing up.

It sucks to not be a COG in the wheel.

You're on your own, bitchez.

SilverIsKing's picture

Did the test cover all 57 states?

TruthInSunshine's picture

Yes, and the U.S. Territories of the Bahamas, Jamaica, Antigua, Trinidad & Winnebago, too.

mophead's picture

Has there ever been an activation of the national-level EAS?


Why test the national-level EAS?

Because we want to scare the hell out of the American people.

Who will conduct a nationwide EAS Test?

The CIA, Al-Qaeda, and certain Right-Wing Republicans who stand for the Military Industrial Complex.

Will an Emergency Action Termination (EAT) message be used?

There will be secrete subliminal messages, of course.

What FIPS code will be used during the Test?

Who cares, we want to scare everyone.

Will FEMA and the FCC specifically test for Common Alerting Protocol (CAP) compliance?

We'll comply with whatever we want.

Will NOAA Weather Radio carry the Test?

No, but speaking about the weather, HAARP is ready to go.

How can EAS Participants prepare for the Test?

Cuddle up in a fetal position.

What will people hear and see during the Test?

A bunch of weird noises and a song from Black Sabbath: WAR PIGS.

How long will the Test last?

As long as it takes to scare the hell out of everyone.

Why is the Test being conducted at this particular date and time?

Because we're going to start World War III. Ultimately, we will be fighting against the Russians, Chinese, and North Korea, while Israel fights against Iran and other Middle Eastern countries.

grok's picture

I just woke up, what'd I miss?

Dr. Richard Head's picture

While waiting in line for a TSA "Freedom Touch" Janet Napolitano came onto the screen of an over-head TV.  The "See something say something" campaign was being promoted by her.  After she asked for us to say something if we see something I blurted out, rather loudly, "I see something, Ms. Napolitano looks conspicuously like a man."  The laughter of the crowd around me was funnier than my comment.  Ad hominem attacks are fun from time-to-time.

Note to self's picture

Is there anything more clever and hilarious than making people's names into funny sort-of-sound-alike words?  Oh yes, puns,  Those are even funnier.

Piranhanoia's picture

Time for a new anthem, the old one doesn't apply any more.  It was about freedom.

Dr. Richard Head's picture

I have new words. This way we can keep the tune -


Oh say can you see TSA touching me
As they fondle my balls with our rights slowly fleeting
With blue shirts and black boots
Take away all my rights
With no shoes and no belt
TSA perverts feeling
Touching my pubic hair
Fingers in underwear
We all are suspects with the terrorists winning
Oh say does that TSA agent care
For the land of the thief and the home of the slave

Deadpool's picture

is this some nationalization of the cable companies or something?

ZerOhead's picture

Internet fails?

Now why would an unlikely thing like that ever happen?

Jonas Parker's picture

As long as the DHS goons stay the hell off the amateur radio bands...

0cz's picture

And all of the sudden every America spontaneously supports war with Iran after this test.

john39's picture

funny.  you have to be suspicious about what these assholes are up to with this....

Mutatto's picture

Bullish....I know this because it's during market hours.


pods's picture

They are merely warming up the system to broadcast the Two Minutes Hate.


Deadpool's picture

will it interfere with Rachel Ray?

andybev01's picture

If it dose they can leave it running.

iLoveMisesToPieces's picture

How hilarious would it be to swap out the recording with something like:  "We've declared marshal law, please wait for an escort to the nearest death, er FEMA camp".

sabra1's picture

market crashes, everyone long has their stops run through! that is why all shorts were taken out!

alien-IQ's picture

oh this should be orgasmagorically fun.

Dr. Engali's picture

Test my ass. It's a test for them for when they want to shut down the flow of information. I hope , for those of you who aren't prepared, that you do so very soon.

seek's picture

Which is why they're leaving off the EAT code on transmission. That's the code that causes the automatic equipment to tune back to normal programming. This is the wierdest part about this test.

El Gordo's picture

I'm unpluggin everything right now.  Better to remain ignorant.  Wonder how many emergencies Mr. O with come up with to get his mug out there for election season.  What a real farce we have here now. 

stateside's picture

Is this where the first ever subliminal broadcast occurs where we are all told to buy US stocks even if we have to go on margin?


Mercury's picture

 On June 9th, FEMA, the FCC and EAS Community Leaders and Experts participated in a virtual roundtable discussion on how to improve and prepare EAS Participants for the upcoming Test to support a best practice guide. FEMA and the FCC will continually improve the best practice guide in future roundtable and webinars and events (please see the Event Calendar for upcoming activities).

Well then I guess we don't need to see the test results to know that we're all fucked.

Cone of Uncertainty's picture

This is a test, and only test.

Now, bend over and take it sheep, I'm your master overlord, Ben BerBlanco.

Piranhanoia's picture

Gee,  we went back to the future.  Should we get under our desks?   Should we all call the police about anyone the wrong color?  If we cover our eyes will we get our retina's back?

it was fucking stupid in the 50's and 60's.  It is laughable now.  These are the stations that don't have people running them any longer.  Thank your NAB and their lobbying to destroy local TV and radio. 

You have to pay a subscription fee to get emergency warnings now.  Wonder who collects the fee?

Dr. Richard Head's picture

There was a turtle by the name of Burt and Burt the turtle was very alert.  When danger threatened he never got hurt, he knew just what to do -

JPM Hater001's picture

Thank you...I almost missed the practice drill for the end of the world.

Johnny Yuma's picture

It's just Skynet readying their global take over... This is just a test... For now...

Odin's picture

Edit: Duck, and cover. Duck, and cover.

Taterboy's picture

This in case the astroid that missed us decides to turn around and come back at us.

LongSoupLine's picture

Why is the Test being conducted at this particular date and time?


Because the shitstorm we, the government, created is coming.



fixed it using disinformation filters.



junkyardjack's picture

They will alert us that our money is now gone

Hayabusa's picture

They will inform us that they have changed the rules of the game and repeat the phrase "resistance is futile."

Thorny Xi's picture

The most overhyped 30 seconds in history .. and BTW, the keywords NOAA and NWS are wrong - they're not involved in this test. 

Carlyle Groupie's picture

Lolz. Website Value* 1.25. Imagine if Reggie was not here it would only be worth prolly 250K.

Panafrican Funktron Robot's picture

I particularly like that Tampa, FL is one of the largest daily visitor cities for ZH.  That's just fun.  Go Tampa!

faustian bargain's picture

Duck and Cover! Duck and Cover!

Alcoholic Native American's picture

This is outragous, I gotta get my fill of the Maurry show and Jerry springer in the daytime.  This thing better not last long.

TuesdayBen's picture

This is such a good and great thing.  Gawd I lub me some BigGubmint.