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The Restaurant At The End Of The Eurozone
From Mark Grant, author of Out of the Box
It’s Just Lunch
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”
-Douglas Adams
Imagine if you will a very large and diverse restaurant. It is not the Restaurant at the End of the Universe of Douglas Adam’s fame but the biggest one on this world and it is known as "Investeros." Here there is a group of people that have been dining together for the past thirteen years. For most of the time the food was good, the service polite and paying the bill was never an issue. Then Don Grekko got into trouble and then Don Paddy and also Don Portugesse. They still went to lunch, of course, everyone being good friends but the other diners had to pick up their bill and this was getting tiresome. There was huffing and puffing and each of them said, in turn, that it was not their fault. There was the usual polite finger pointing and these three gentleman ate, but what they could order was severely curtailed because of the prices. This caused some issues but everyone still dined and the world went on albeit not quite as pleasantly as before.
The group discussed the situation and Don Berlin was dispatched to some other friends to see if they might help pick up the tab for their lunches. Don Berlin went to see Don Mao Si Tongue who said that while he understood the problem but that the Chinese food on the menu was not that good so that while he appreciated the offer; he would decline. Then Don Gee the 7th was contacted but he had other issues presently. Next Don Briziliano and his group was approached but they were much poorer than the dining group at “Investeros” and so politely declined. Finally they went to Duena Washintonia, who had helped before, but she said that her charity donations were about at the limit of what she wanted to do for the year.
In the meantime Don Espanola told the group that while he was just fine, of course he was fine, no problema but that his wife was having some difficulties. He said that he took the leftovers home to his wife and that she did not have enough to eat and could she get some help. The group reminded him that she was his wife and not their wife and he should take care of his own family. Don Espanola fretted for a while but then came back to the same subject and pleaded his case asking for donations for his wife from everyone. The group was not happy and there was a lot of dissention about what should be done. Don Berlin said that he might help Don Espanola but that giving money to his wife, who he did not know very well, was something not on the table but that if Don Espanola needed help then he could get it possibly and then disburse some of the money to his wife. The unfortunate thing was that Don Espanola also had a number of mistresses; Duena Catalan, Duena Castile la Mancha and so forth who were also having some difficulties but Don Espanola did not think it polite to discuss these other liaisons at lunch. It now also became apparent to the rest of the group that their share of the bill was going to keep increasing, causing all of them difficulties, if the group not paying was going to get larger. Don Italiano was also having problems with his business and if he and Don Espanola were not going to be able to pay then the remaining members were going to start to see what they could order on the menu would be curtailed along with the non-payers. Lunch was going to be much less pleasant and the lobster and caviar would now be out of the question and no one was happy about this.
In a final act, of what they thought was brilliance, the dining group turned to the owners of the restaurant and asked for credit. They got this for a time but the bill for present and past meals kept increasing as well as the interest on what was owed. “You know us, we have always paid, we will always pay” is what was told to the owners of “Investeros” but the bill was becoming so large that many of the restaurant’s owners said that the days of the “free lunch” was over.
Now the group is once again at the table ordering lunch and desert has come and gone and everyone is sitting there looking at everyone else. No one is volunteering to pay the bill; no one knows who will pay the bill. The restaurant is about to close for the siesta and the waiters are getting impatient along with the management.
“Who is going to pay the bill; now that is the question.
“For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen.”
-Douglas Adams
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ES is up ... magic!
Don Grekko
Don Paddy
&
Don Portuggese
should just rob a bank
in order to pay their lunch bill.
they are the bank, you miss the point.
The best way to rob a bank is to own one
~William Black
A Hitchhikers Guide to the Economy
Once upon a time, a group of young aspiring scholars set out to understand the global economy. They start by visiting the United States of America, where they meet a world renowned economic professor named Dr Paul Krugman. In an effort to help the young scholars discover the root of the economic recession, Dr Krugman relates a story of an elite team of Ivy League Professionals that were commissioned by the US government to develop a capital allocation model which would allocate capital for optimal prosperity, freedom and liberty for all the world's citizens. Professor Krugman went on to explain that alas, the world's "general public" proved to be of inferior intelligence and were not capable of comprehending the derivation of this optimal capital allocation model. He then predicted that in order to understand the model, the people of the world would go on to commission a new team of elite economics professors to translate the derivation of this model into terms understandable by the general population.
EU Bistronomics Explained!
"It was Douglas Adams, in the third book of his famous ‘Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’ series, who first explained ‘Bistromath’ but it seems that it’s the EU who have taken ‘Bistromaths’ and extended it’s use into Economics and created ‘Bistronomics’."
Continued - http://theneedleblog.wordpress.com/2012/06/05/eu-bistronomics-explained-2/
The ECB hung in the air in much the same way that brics don't...
“The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases,defined by three questions "What is money ?" Where can I put my money to keep it safe?" and " How can I maximise my Forex trading potential ?"
Sorry, the three questions are "What is money?", "Where is my money?" and "Who has my money?"
Probably better Micky
or
What is money?", "Where is my money?" and "How can I exchange my money for gold?"
I think what you meant to say was that central banks control economies by setting interest rates and credits limits for the banks under their dominion. In exchange for this regulation the banks get the backstop of taxpayer bailouts when they don't invest wisely and go bankrupt, so they cannot lose. Through a process of ever expanding loan issuance (loans backed with very little real capital) they grow profits on the interest. In this way they are a legal cartel of parasites upon the citizens and governments the economy is made up of.
Problems can arise when the citizens and governments are no longer able to pay the interest, and are not creditworthy, but the banks have many ways to keep the game going so long as they can keep the general citizenry in the dark as to how the game works. To do this they simply use confusing terminology wrapped around a general lie that the purpose of the central bank is to protect the citizenry.
In order to do what it was truly created to do the Fed has to find a way to get all the bad mortgages off the banks books, while making it look as if this is being done to help individual homeowners. It also has to find a way to get individuals to be able to sustain heavier debt loads so that the banks can become solvent again. This latter part is particularly difficult at this point in time, as the banks have nearly reached the limit of what they can skim off the labor of others without causing them to exit the game (no longer take loans and pay interest).
If it all falls apart a war as a prelude to debt forgiveness can be used to distract the populace sufficiently to start the game over at a later date.
In Not-Quite-Soviet QE Land, bank robs you!
@slaughterer
The bank is being robbed from the inside-----shhhhhhh!
But whose money is in it?
Not the Governments', not the mafiosas, not the military, not the bank employees', not police, not the-----------
But who has money in the bank still?
When there is no money in the till om
WE always need dishwasher!
It ends when Don Creosote enters and cannot withstand the added temptation of a wafer thin mint. It's only a tiny little thin one. It's only wafer thin. Just one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPkOv0-u6A0
lll pay it. But first i have to pay my Verizon bill
How was the restaurant Investeros paying for its raw materials and staff etc. bills while their customers kept building up their credit?
its a front co. for Hookers and Blow
2 things, nobody will give you on credit!
BTW... Im starting to hate this kind of commentators with their "vague & incomplete" analysis (short of complete Truth) as much as the banksters and the politicians.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7GSXbgfKFWg
They are paying everyone in IOU's, just as good as money....
EDIT: How do you know that the IOU is good, sell insurance on it! You can also sell insurance on credit worthiness of other restaurants around the world. You can then set up an exchange to trade the IOU's. It should be safe, they are all backed by the full faith and credit of the restaurants..... It will all work out as long as we believe the IOU is as good as money that is backed by the government...... Well, governments dont really print "money", they actually print something like IOU's. Actually like IOU's.....exactly like IOU's.... I am pretty sure there is such a thing as money...
I can imagine those former gentleman toothless at
the soup kitchen and none of them will have changed their ways.
Cup O tea please.
Sad being the smartest machine in the universe and I cant get a cup of tea.
Oh, and the world is collapsing.
“Time is an illusion"
Also "Time is money"
Hence, Money is also an illusion.
I wish I could give you a billion thumbs up
Thank you. Its the thought that counts :)
You can but it will only work with a spherical chicken in a vacuum...we covered it yesterday.
Meanwhile, Don Icelandico is outside on a park bench eating a homemade peanut butter and jelly sandwich and just shaking his head...
Get ready for dishpan hands...
Great post! couldn't have described the euro fiasco any better
Great ??? hardly.
Actually the analogy was very, very weak. The actual debt is not for any “food” eaten.
Bets on interest rates comprise 81% of all derivatives.
A better analogy would be a casino, where 5 mob family players are playing dice (the 5 TBTF banks hold over 95% of all derivatives).
The casino “House” is run by a front of the mob’s hit men, Uncle Sammy, John the Bully, et al.
The chips shift back and forth. Losers get to beg, borrow, steal, and leverage ever more chips. Of course, the “House” always “loans” back (0% interest) whatever the “House” takes as winnings, and furthermore hands out more chips to cover all bets.
The piles of chips keep getting bigger and bigger, but no actual wealth is created.
[We] … should simply cancel the $230 trillion in derivative bets, declaring them null and void. As no real assets are involved, merely gambling on notional values, the only major effect of closing out or netting all the swaps (mostly over-the-counter contracts between counter-parties) would be to take $230 trillion of leveraged risk out of the financial system. The financial gangsters who want to continue enjoying betting gains while the public underwrites their losses would scream and yell…
http://www.paulcraigroberts.org/2012/06/05/collapse-at-hand/
Responsibility falls to those that are able. The German waiters should buck up and pick up the tab. We wouldn't want to dimish the lifestyles of such a fabulous group of gents. (sarc.)
You mean the same German waiters who were funding the restaurant, extending credits?
You are missing the bigger picture in the above stupid analysis. Nothign more than demagoguery.
Like a bunch of hobos staggerin down an alley...but theres rumors of 'good news' about them for today!
Step 1: Markets close
Step 2: Release new report showing economy is fucked. Futures dip
Step 3: Make up rumor of QE, or have a meeting where EU plans to come up with a plan
Step 4: Markets go green.
Rinse and repeat.
Obviously none of them have the money to pay the bill. Worst of all, if they meet all the money they have altogether, not enough. I do not know if cleaning the dishes can be an alternative.
Meanwhile the kitchen gets taken over by cockroaches.
LOL!
They'll point at Don Mao Si Tongue, telling the waitor he'll pay the bill, then run away as fast as they can. Grabbing a few handfulls of breathmints on the way out...
This article brings to mind the restaurant scene in the movie Goodfellas.
Uncertainty Shocks Strike Again http://www.cnhedge.com/thread-7149-1-1.html
it's time to "dine & dash" at the eurocafe.
Goodbye, and thanks for all the fish - Douglas Adams
Come on Mark, try little harder and don't miss the important details!
All those nice Dons have a bunch of peasants working their asses off and paying for the privilege to work for such illustrious gentlemen, thus helping the Dons with their spoiled sons' gambling losses.
As usual, it will be the peasants' duty to take the "Investeros" bill...
+ 100
Exactly! The bill will eb settled in hardship, slavery, blood and flesh!
Just wondering what the "exchange" rate would be.
Shots anyone ?
Let find a new liform on another planet and invite him to lunch
How about inviting Don Umfufu and his friends, they should get credit from Don Goldman c.s. to pay for the bill! Don Umfufu has a lot of kids who are good for the money!
There, problem solved!
But then there is the guy that sells insurance across the street. He is afraid that the restaurant patrons that he is familiar with will get angry and into a fight over the situation like they have done so many times before and possibly burn down the building and possibly the whole block and so he is considering cutting the pay of his employees so that he can pay the bill and everyone will be friends again.
All this spin and the Euro rises again this morning. I guess Europe is saved.
The USD still shows bullish and the Euro very bearish according to Elliott Wave.
http://bullandbearmash.com/index/usd/daily/
Get Mario in here pronto and fire up the bistromathics bazooka.
I suppose a tip is out of the question then?
I just want to say FANTASTIC TITLE.
That is all carry on. :)
Some people just want to watch the world burn
Suddenly a tall bald knight in shining armor gallops on a gallant steed called the American taxpayer, yes, our hero Ben has arrived to pay the check.. Okay, that lunch bill is fixed, next..
Errrr...tall? It's hard to tell on television, but I was thinking the Napoleon Complex was alive and well @federalreserve.
It probably will all end in one gigantic explosion of silence. But, just remember, the answer to the question of life, the universe, and everything in it is still forty-two. If Facebook stock can just rise back to that level, everything will be OK again.
Don Washingtonia declares the waiters and management "terrorists" and "militants" and kills them. Problem solved.
We need the answer to the single question - how much of 800Bln Euro is the amount of capital needed to rescue the banking systems of Portugal, Ireland, Italy, Greece and Spain ?
Answer 3 Trillion Euros
German banks all the while buying a lot of the debt of Portugal, Ireland, Italy, Greece and Spain, when perhaps Germany should have known better or is it a case of fraudulent conveyance ?
Please send the bill to Dona Angela Merkel.
How is going eurusd?
http://agstock.blogspot.com.es/2012/06/carmel-asset-management-presentat...
good stuff, mr. grant.
this was the first book series i loved. yup, janus has always been an undercover nerd, and so i cultivated friendships among the nerds. one of whom was a kid named jeff hinson (wherever he may now be). we were good friends way back in 85'; jeff gave me hitch hiker's, and the rest, as they say, is irrelvant.
so, jeff, mark, et. al...so long and thanks for all the fish,
janus
An 'Excellent' read says Monti Burns
Excelente! Monsieur`Grant :-))
The answer is quite easily solved. Round up all the politicians, and the bankers, and start executing 100 each hour, see how fast the bill gets dropped. The bill never exsisted in the first place, it was created out of thin air!