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Saving The World

Tyler Durden's picture


Via Mark J. Grant, author of Out of the Box,

Saving the World somehow seems like an extreme sport. It is talked about by many but practiced by few. The Greeks climbed up on Mount Olympus and claimed that Zeus would do it. Moses went up on the mountain and returned with the Ten Commandments that have influenced the world but didn’t make it to the saving part. The newest attempt has been claimed by Mario Draghi but it may be one of those Lance Armstrong kind of things where the steroids of the moment pushed the claimer past his boundaries. The markets, the equity markets in particular, have been betting for weeks that the world was going to be saved and have been waiting for the evidence of the transformation as I have stood on the sidelines and shook my head. I have seen the prophets before; the world is going straight to Heaven, the world is going straight to Hell and yet somehow we always find ourselves stuck in Perdition where mankind vacillates between the two.
In Mario Draghi’s case, you see, he needs the parishioners to go along with the scheme and while everyone may share the same Bible the interpretation is not the same. You may have noticed that the Jews, Catholics, Christians and so forth all utilize the Old Testament but after some three thousand years of studying it; there is no agreement yet. Many men have said that this book can save the world but, somehow or another, it has come up short. Perhaps it is my Missouri upbringing, it is called the “Show Me” state, but I have never been a believer in prophets of any sort that wander around proclaiming that they can save the world. Of course Italy is famous for these sorts of people. Many live in that small city inside of Rome so I suppose they have had a couple of thousand years of contagion and Monti must be partially excused for thinking that, upon ascending to the throne, that this was the correct way to go about things.
“He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.”
                           -Douglas Adams
I recall being on my boat in Tortola and the revival meeting that took place one night. It was across the bay from where I was docked and it was piped into the heavens on some very loud speakers as the Pastor intoned the Save the World doctrine. He said he was quoting from the New, New Testament, a book which I was then and am still unfamiliar with, but he was quoting from it, where God was going to come riding into Tortola with one foot on a whale and the other foot on a dolphin. It seemed uncertain when this would happen, it always seems uncertain when this fellow might show up which is a centerpiece of the Save the World doctrine, but he was coming at some point of that we all could be assured. He then introduced Ezekiel who was ninety-one and had not walked in forty years but, Hallelujah and all manner of Blessed Be’s, Ezekiel had gotten the Word and could now walk; which he then demonstrated as the crowd went wild. Then we were told that not only that, not only that, but that Ezekiel had married his nineteen year old cousin, Bernice, and that she was blessed with a child. Wide eyed I went back into my boat and poured a plentiful dose of the medicinal, Grand Marnier. One needs a small dose of something after listening to these Save the World stories you know. Forget the sheep; I went to bed that night counting Bernice’s babies.
Now I will admit, quite candidly, that I don’t think that Mario Draghi is going to Save the World. In the first place, everyone knows that you need to wear a cape to do that sort of thing and I have never seen him in one; not once. That is the first indication.  Certain of his countrymen wear capes, that much is true, and they are always promising to Save the World but Draghi has not been given his cape yet; as far as I know. Next he is a banker. Now Mr. Obama has told us time again that bankers are bad people and not to be trusted and, as an American, I always take the words of our President at face value of course; especially this one.  Then one has to consider Draghi’s flock. He has one guy that believes in a lot of gods, some that toss out thunderbolts, another who fights windmills, one that likes to sail around the world, another who believes in eating cake and another Mario who is the lead character for some computer game. In the other corner you have the Pied Piperette trying to coerce the snakes out of town, some guy in wooden shoes, another fellow that actually likes Weiner Schnitzel and the producer of that famous TV show, “Valkyries Gone Wild.”
How soon-to-be Cardinal Draghi is going to save all of these people I have no idea and I suspect neither does he when the New, New, New Testament is revealed. What; God riding in on fettuccini spouting tomato sauce?  A miracle on trentiquattresime strada (34th Street)? A space time continum warp to free money? The end of all consequences and the deletion of the word from any known civilized language? Where are those darn glass slippers when you need them?
“It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.”
                       -Douglas Adams

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Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:12 | 2764087 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



Finally....some action!


Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:12 | 2764089 HelluvaEngineer
HelluvaEngineer's picture

Inaction Jackson is on the case!

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:35 | 2764167 Oh regional Indian
Oh regional Indian's picture

If the road to hell is paved with good intentions, is the road to heaven paved with bad ones?

So it seems...


Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:38 | 2764182 HedgeHammer
HedgeHammer's picture

It is paved with forgiveness as is according to the New Testament.

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 10:17 | 2764289 falak pema
falak pema's picture

Divine forgiveness is fruit of repentance!

So the more you kill the more chance you have of going to heaven, as the more reason you have to repent at your dying breath and obtain that forgiveness in exchange all the more readily, as directly proportional to your wrong doing (not inversely!).

God has planned it all and prodigality is the magical prerequisite to true divine forgiveness.

GWB is a cert for going to heaven; all compassionate as he professed to be in his Irakian adventure of Abu Ghraib.

Just as long as he remembers to say the magical words with his last breath : I repent; 'cos if I had to do it again I would have used a Nuke instead! They had WMD! Believe me! Stashed in Iran! Lets go get them!...


Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:07 | 2764448 i-dog
i-dog's picture

LOL ... yet another reason for a <face-palm> at Abrahamic religious beliefs!

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:17 | 2764102 Freegolder
Freegolder's picture

Draghi just needs to keep the Euro ahead of the dollar.

As Eurozone govts are taking the right measures to arrest their deficits (unlike America), and enough bond buying to show that Euro exit for any country is not a possibility, then his job is done.

The Euro wins at every turn against the failing dollar.

One day, ZH and its many contributors, will realise this fact.

But after the event I am sure.

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:23 | 2764130 Poor Grogman
Poor Grogman's picture

Is that you MDB?

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:36 | 2764175 HedgeHammer
HedgeHammer's picture


Not sure which of your statements is the most ludicrous but it seems to me that not one of these so called planers knows WTF they are doing


Wed, 09/05/2012 - 11:13 | 2764494 i-dog
i-dog's picture

It's certainly their plan ... though I'm puzzled at exactly where the quoted "deficit reduction" measures are! (not that it really matters much longer).

On the other hand, they're only trying to hold it together until such time as the US has been shut down. Then they can migrate to a global currency, with the Eurocrats still on side to manage it.

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:54 | 2764234 fredquimby
fredquimby's picture

Correct Freegolder.


Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:57 | 2764247 knightowl77
knightowl77's picture

I have been here for months on ZH. Some I voted down, others Up.

Occasionally posting a rebuttal to something too idiotic to ignore.


It seems many years ago, the Doobie Brothers were right

"What a Fool Believes He Sees, NO Wise Man Has the Power to Reason Away"

I see very few converts, no new paradigms.

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:18 | 2764104 insanelysane
insanelysane's picture

Hope and Change, Forward.  Do we really want to go back.......to the Gold Standard.

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:21 | 2764123 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



Nope......just give us all your gold.


Then you can go. 


Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:22 | 2764128 AynRandFan
AynRandFan's picture

"Success isn't about how much money you make, it's about the difference you make in other people's lives."

Michele Obama, Cheerleader of the American Socialist Revolution

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:26 | 2764140 francis_sawyer
francis_sawyer's picture

You didn't make that difference in somebody elses life, somebody else did...

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:27 | 2764145 Dan Watie
Dan Watie's picture

And after processed through BS filter she said: "Success is about how much money you make, it's about profiting on other people's lives."

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 10:40 | 2764350 Imminent Crucible
Imminent Crucible's picture

Moochelle translated: "Success isn't about how much money you make, it's about how much of other people's money you spend."

What a disgusting fraud is the Empress Michelle Antoinette de Bargeass.

Is it just me, or is this article a tad irreverent? "God riding in on fettuccini spouting tomato sauce?" He reminds me of that old Creedence Clearwater song, "Oh Lord, stuck in Purgatory again".

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:29 | 2764151 LongSoupLine
LongSoupLine's picture

we will go back.  After all, Nixon said it was a "temporary" suspension in '71.  That's one looong temporary you dead f'ing crook.

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:36 | 2764178 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture

I am not a crook....peace

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:18 | 2764106 Mongo
Mongo's picture

Sorry Mario (Draghi) but the princess is another castle...

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:20 | 2764107 eigenvalue
eigenvalue's picture

What's his point after all?

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 10:31 | 2764335 larz
larz's picture

Why was this article written - waste of bytes

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 10:42 | 2764357 Imminent Crucible
Imminent Crucible's picture

He just wanted to point out that he has a problem with potatoes, at least as a large-scale asset dump.

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:21 | 2764119 Dr. Engali
Dr. Engali's picture


Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:22 | 2764127 GetZeeGold
GetZeeGold's picture



How much time do you have?


Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:21 | 2764124 yogibear
yogibear's picture

Printing and debasing the Euro is deemed as good? Pull Germany into the black hole of debt as well. 

This will end well (sarc). Spain's economy is spiraling downward with more austerity in the form of more VATs, next Italy and the rest.   

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:26 | 2764139 Abraxas
Abraxas's picture

Why does anybody think that Germany can prosper while all around her is drowning in debt? Many people are talking about pulling out from Euro as a valid solution. There are no valid solutions any longer. Germany cannot stand on her own and neither can any other country. We are all interconnected beyond imagination. Problem anywhere is problem everywhere.

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:26 | 2764141 Hank Reardon
Hank Reardon's picture

Grizzly Draghi & Ben...come with me and maybe there's a world where we don't have to run...

living free in harmony & majesty in the Eurozone.....why does it have to end?


Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:30 | 2764152 Ar-Pharazôn
Ar-Pharazôn's picture



fix: "trentaquattresima"

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:36 | 2764169 buzzsaw99
buzzsaw99's picture

Have a seat at The Restaurant at the End of the Universe and prepare to meet the meat.

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:37 | 2764179 adr
adr's picture

You save the world by letting it decouple and allow the broken parts to fail. Trying to create a one world system dooms the entire planet to failure.

Idiots like Draghi believe one single action can save the world. That they are of supreme importance. In reality the world would be better off with Draghi drowning at the bottom of the sea.

The cowards who couldn't work at any honest job for an honest day's pay even if they tried, are the ones begging for a savior. Like the cowards that ran into the church, begging the bishop to save them when Ghengis Khan was on his way.

It is like a company of troops begging their commander to fight for them. Sure one soldier can make the difference in a fight, but it still takes an army to actually win. I would have liked to see the Normandy landing succeed with one troop coming off a landing craft, standing there exclaiming that the war is won.

For a few seconds the thousands of guns pointed at the man would be silent as the enemy soldiers stare in awe, trying to figure out the crazy fool. As he charges a maelstrom of bullets rips his body to shreds.

I bet Bernanke, Draghi, and the rest of the central planners all believe they are lone soldiers going up against the war machine, and that they will be victorious because they are somehow special. The truth is they are the greatest fools the world has ever seen. Like a bombardier who hits the drop button over his own base.

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:45 | 2764204 yogibear
yogibear's picture

You save the world by letting it decouple and allow the broken parts to fail. 

This has been proven that it works. 

Banksters still want to socialize bad bet losses and privatize profits. It will go on until the central banksters are taken away and hauled off to jail.

Those that committed fraud, such as robo signing, are out doing more fraud. The fraudsters are being rewarded instead of being in prison. 

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:47 | 2764202 PaperBear
PaperBear's picture

The creditors or the ordinary guy but not both.

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 09:53 | 2764230 Jack Sheet
Jack Sheet's picture

Bullshit quotient 8.5. The last paragraph, shit & sugar. Ghost written by Rubber Scrota?

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 10:46 | 2764364 stiler
stiler's picture

It's the perpetual sacrifice [Thyatira] of the sacrament (stimulus) that is offered by Draghi. It must happen every mass, where the wine and wafer become his 'Body' and Euro world devours it like vampires.

Thu, 09/06/2012 - 01:35 | 2767099 agagshoes
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