Schrodinger Lisa Falcone... Or Why BusinessWeek May Want To Hire Better Fact Checkers

Tyler Durden's picture


While we have long realized that under the 'New Normal' reality is widely in the eye of the beholder, especially if that beholder is an employee of some central planning authority, where good is good, bad is better, where "if things are serious, than you have to lie", and the result is that every 'fact' is both a wave and a particle at the same time regardless if observed with the wave-particle duality never collapsing (thus making a mockery of Schordinger's principles) little did we know that it also refers to the physical age of former 'prenup free' wives of one time hedge fund moguls, and now merely drugged, drunk drivers of (appropriately enough) GPS-impaired vehicles, which it appears can have a variance of 7 years in the span of 2 years... Read on.


From Business Week, September 16, 2010

Lisa Falcone is sitting at the head of a conference table, rapping to music by Swizz Beatz and waving her tanned arms above her head. She's meeting with the two employees of her fledgling company, Everest Entertainment. Just outside the room, her husband, Philip Falcone, is running his $9 billion hedge fund, Harbinger Capital, but that doesn't hold her back. She produced the song and sings along as it blasts from iPod speakers on the table: "Come on bitches, get your hands in the air, ugly bitches too, we don't care!"



Harbinger analysts walking by barely look up at Lisa, 41, who is striking in a low-cut leather dress and a huge diamond cross pendant. They know she's the boss's wife. Harbinger's young, blond British receptionist brings a tray with a mug of green tea for Lisa, who likes to point out that the space is as much hers as her husband's. "This is our office," she says. "Eighteen years and no prenup means family office."


Falcone is philosophical about the world she now inhabits. "I've taught my daughters to stop and smell the roses," she says. She glances around her living room. "This is all borrowed stuff," she says. "God kind of loans it to us, and somebody takes it afterward. Am I going to go to Heaven sitting on this couch?" she asks. "Do I take my house with me? No."... "I have a very good ear," she says. "But God gave me something that I'm better at than anyone else. And that's being me."

And Now:

From the Long Island Press, September 4, 2012... less than 2 years later.

At 2:25 p.m., 48-year-old Lisa Marie Falcone of Manhattan crashed her vehicle at the corner of Montauk Highway and Hayground Road in Bridgehampton, police said.

She was found to be to be under the influence of alcohol and prescription medication, police said.


Falcone was charged with driving while ability impaired by the combined influence of alcohol and drugs.

So... 41 in 2010, and 48 in 2012?

Or does the New Normal math also includes converting human years into dog years?

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Tue, 09/04/2012 - 19:32 | 2762478 credittrader
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Two words - Dog Years...

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 19:37 | 2762510 Ahmeexnal
Ahmeexnal's picture

I was thinking more along the lines of "crack hoe".

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 19:40 | 2762528 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Its all Solyndra's

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 19:57 | 2762606 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

dude: OT and shit, but tomorrow almost right at 1700 Eastern, on the DNC thang goin' on in Charlotte, you are supposed to heah the esteemed mayoh of Bahsten' do his message of glee at all of us localz.

You, sir, have a front seat to hear and understand the beauty of Mumbonics.  Others may attend.  Popcorn and Crackerjacks are recommended.  Public Teachers are invited and solicited.

Those from the hinterlands are encouraged to bring leak-proof bags, since the subject matter will be liquid-ejecta inducing (of course, that is, if you can understand Mumbonice)

- Ned

{enjoy ;-) }

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:03 | 2762626 nmewn
nmewn's picture

I understand they got crazy Uncle Joe all "chained up" in the back yard of the WH...straining the links, slobbering

Almost time to unleash the Kracken!!!

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:09 | 2762649 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Not to nitpick, but it's Kraken.....

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:13 | 2762667 AssFire
AssFire's picture

Shut up you guys. I'll bet her daddy loves her.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:37 | 2762738 clymer
clymer's picture

id hit it

(I have zero scruples) long as I was 100% certain that this isn't that thing that was grown in a govt. lab

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:48 | 2762791 clymer
clymer's picture

Aaaa, shit OK i'd hit it anyway

im no prize


Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:01 | 2762823 nope-1004
nope-1004's picture

Dude looks like a lady in that 2nd pic.  Ouch, that's aweful.


Tue, 09/04/2012 - 22:17 | 2762890 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

Glitch In The Matrix Algobots running interference double tap, bitchez.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 23:01 | 2763125 AldousHuxley
AldousHuxley's picture

Lisa Falcone


 grew up with single mother in spanish harlem with associates degree in ? from Pace U...."model"....lives in park ave. mansion owned by penthouse founder.


philip is a junk bond lucky with subprime bet....about to lose it all to LightSquared which seem to be tax dodging scam investigated by SEC.

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 00:06 | 2763286 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



Hey U phucking inconsiderate callous assholes.  If I looked like that I'd get drunk too.

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 02:17 | 2763503 tenpanhandle
tenpanhandle's picture

didn't your Pa teach you the facts of life?  You are the one that gets drunk so she looks better;  in other words,  so you can't see her so well.

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 00:08 | 2763287 The Big Ching-aso
The Big Ching-aso's picture



The plastic surgeon who did this should get his dick chemically removed.

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 01:01 | 2763396 ElvisDog
ElvisDog's picture

Yeah, the lower lip augmentation is failing and the botox forehead look is so 2005.

Wed, 09/05/2012 - 02:30 | 2763519 Harlequin001
Harlequin001's picture

'lower lip augmentation'... I would never have guessed that, I thought she'd hit the steering wheel...


Wed, 09/05/2012 - 08:12 | 2763891 ZeroAvatar
ZeroAvatar's picture

Definitely more than just 'average wear and tear' on those lips.   Whassuuup?

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:24 | 2762901 TruthInSunshine
TruthInSunshine's picture

This is the kind of woman, along with her POS husband, that Bernanke, Geithner, Krugman, Michael Bloomberg, Chucky "Fuck Flyover" Country, and aspiring-proxy-mouthpiece-in-training, Joe Weisenthal, all propagate lies and misinformation to protect.

You see, New York City & London are special places, deserving of special, preferred treatment, filled with very important people, who design innovative, leveraged wealth-sopping-up-and-transferring devices, that fund socialite galas and political campaigns. These places must be protected and coddled at all costs, even if it means they get "unlimited parasite forever" status as they suck the lifeblood out of the real economy and real economic activity in the other states and cities of their respective countries, adversely impacting real people and institutions that actually do create real wealth.

By the way, nice fake lips, Mrs. Falcone. They really make you look like a pouty clown.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 22:08 | 2763004 Crisismode
Crisismode's picture

Damn . . .
That woman is



Wed, 09/05/2012 - 01:49 | 2763458 palmereldritch
palmereldritch's picture

The Real Wives of Hedge Row - Episode 1

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 23:17 | 2763162 QuantumCat
QuantumCat's picture

You forgot to put on your rose-colored QE glasses.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:20 | 2762877 tdogg
tdogg's picture

it's cool C man. 

yous just a SuperMan lover  that's all.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 22:22 | 2763038 TheFourthStooge-ing
TheFourthStooge-ing's picture

...not even with Ann Coulter's dick.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:14 | 2762668 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

Today, off the eastern coast of Cape Cod, there was a shark (Kraken...) washed up and any number of seals were in the water.  Everyone is wondering which seal assasinated the poor shark.  Investigatingis pending.

- Ned

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:15 | 2762670 XitSam
XitSam's picture

You were nitpicking.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:31 | 2762708 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

Naw, just tryin' to maintain a minimal level of discourse...

"Release the Kracken" is what a cracker from the Florida panhandle or a ho' from Harlem would type...

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:51 | 2762789 nmewn
nmewn's picture

Yeah, sho nuff.

An article on a gold digging drunk broad, married to some socialist statist prick Obama bundler, with his hand in all our pockets, crashing her Mercedes into another car, is the perfect place to keep a minimal level of discourse.

No doubt about it.


Oh and the first greeny was mine...did I spell greenie right? ;-)

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:15 | 2762855 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

I think you nailed it on the second go....

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:20 | 2762876 nmewn
nmewn's picture

I did it just for you ;-)

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:40 | 2762942 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture


I always knew you had a weak spot for me....

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:46 | 2762959 nmewn
nmewn's picture

I do...I'm not heartless, its a cracker thang.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:55 | 2762984 MsCreant
MsCreant's picture

Psst! He is from Florida. You can take the boy out of the swamp, but you can't take the swamper out of the boy.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 22:13 | 2763016 Flakmeister
Flakmeister's picture

No shit...


Wed, 09/05/2012 - 06:07 | 2763689 nmewn
nmewn's picture

MsC was paying me a compliment there Flak, we went to the same High School a few years apart but you probably didn't know that...its cracker humor. 

Its good to be able to handle snakes wherever one finds them, in an office or in a swamp ;-)

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:58 | 2762811 perchprism
perchprism's picture

"Davy Jones' Locker"

How merrily cracks the kraken, finger bones for marrow!

Sucks the cringing, flinching life from out those splintered tips and, when dry, flings them away!!

That parrot beak on ivory bars snaps a skillful tune,

'til the spirit, broken and abused, remains to float alone:

Flotsam atop an angry swell.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:26 | 2762712 flacon
flacon's picture

Neither were you.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:12 | 2762664 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

that crazy bastard is one fart away from being the most powerful man in tne world. that still blows my mind

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:17 | 2762677 New_Meat
New_Meat's picture

fonzie--blow awaiy, make sure that your spatter gets on any AMCIT voter. - Ned

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:22 | 2762695 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

if you are going to wish death on me please don't give me a charming nickname. Thanks dipshit.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:31 | 2762722 knukles
knukles's picture


And 4 years ago the Dems were bustin' nuts all over that "crazy bitch" (as they so often called her) Sarah Palin agonizing as to whether she was appropriate for being that One Fart Away...

So instead we have Joey ("Plugs") Biden, Nancy ("suck my cock"... Who was that she was quoted as saying that too?) Pelosi and assorted fruit cakes like Bawney the Purple Only Gowd Knows What.
Can't use the word God around the Dems anymore, been removed from the platform describing rights of man...  must stem from gubamint
Or use the razist word "Chicago".

Its All Really Fucked Up, Man.

(and anybody thinking this a politically biased anti-dem screed hasn't read my recents about the repubs.)

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:36 | 2762746 WonderDawg
WonderDawg's picture

Knuksie! How ya doing? I hope life is treating you well. Staying on the straight and narrow here, trying to make some money in this video game of a market. Enough to drive a man to drink, if he ain't spiritually fit ;-)

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 22:20 | 2763033 knukles
knukles's picture

Hey Dawg!  Whaz happenin' my brother?
We be doin' fine, mighty fine thank you.
I been ridin' my long bonds, munis, gold and silver, been a boring 9 months altho looks like thaings be a heatin' up for the next act in the show.
Been golfin', strugglin with a stuck handicap.
Just got a D2 9.5 and gettin some extra distance off the tee, beats my old 10.5.

Been thikin good thought of ya.
Gotta run.  Speaking tonite at an 8 pm meeting.
Blessings, my man.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 22:18 | 2763030 Crisismode
Crisismode's picture

and anybody thinking this a politically biased anti-dem screed

is entirely correct.


(There, fixed it for you)

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:24 | 2762701 fonzannoon
fonzannoon's picture

Hey new meat,  It's funny that all your posts have 1 green arrow. Pull yourself together.


Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:01 | 2762826 Bicycle Repairman
Bicycle Repairman's picture

They've chained up Uncle Joe, but Mumbles gets to make a speech?  LOL.

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:08 | 2762645 JohnG
JohnG's picture

Slaughterer? Slaughterer....


Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:03 | 2762831 slaughterer
slaughterer's picture

I am in a bit of a philosophical quandary right now, gents (multiplied by that infinite Hoelderlinian/Proustian first-sentence in the ZH frame that so seduces me here over and over) Lisa is ALLLL MIIINNNEEE now (endgame won: Phil ruined, Lisa going out the door), but I am not sure if I want her anymore.   Uh, can I say that about anything else in my life?  

Tue, 09/04/2012 - 21:27 | 2762912 JohnG
JohnG's picture


Tue, 09/04/2012 - 20:09 | 2762655 AlaricBalth
AlaricBalth's picture

"They were careless people, Phil and Lisa--they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money of their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made."

Apologies to F Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby, yet this seemed to be apropos.

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